Tuesday Thought #3

Bobservations

Last weekend, after watching a bit of the funeral on TV, we were out running errands. Carlos now uses a cane when he’s out, especially in unfamiliar areas, to help him get about; it also alerts people standing around to maybe step aside and be a little more aware themselves.

But this day, as we walked into our local Lowes store, and thinking about the funeral, I said to Carlos:

“C’mon, McCane.”

Then I laughed and reminded him that I’m hilarious, and then said:

“I’m gonna start calling you Carlos McCane.”

He replied:

“I don’t like you.”

And we all know that’s a lie; but then cut to a few days later, while walking into a movie theater. I turned to him and started laughing, and said:

“I cannot wait for Christmas!”

“Why?

“Cuz then I can call you Candy Cane!”

“I really don’t like you.”

Again, we all know that’s not true, but thank god for his sense of humor, and how he gets me.

Karma is a Bitch … last week six Republican members of the Oklahoma House of Representatives who opposed the state’s teacher pay bill were voted out of office in their runoff elections.

In fact, 15 of the 19 legislators who voted against the teacher pay bill will not be returning next term; eight lost their primaries, four chose not to run for reelection and three are leaving because of term limits.

The Resistance is working.

Remember that episode of Friends where Joey, annoyed by Chandler, put on all of Chandler’s clothes? If you missed it, that’s him up there.

Perhaps the costume designers on Friends were on to something, or were way ahead of time, because last week fashion house Balenciaga introduced the “layered Oversized Parka.”

It retails for $9,000. Really.

Last week _____ lied again; nothing new, I know. But it was such a stupid lie, told for no other reason than to boost his flaccid … ego.

He bragged during an event in North Carolina that his golf course in the state was on the “largest man-made lake in the world”:

“You know where my club is, right? _____ National. It’s a very big success on Lake Norman. Beautiful. Largest man-made lake in the world by far, right?”

But the facts are that Lake Norman doesn’t even crack the list of the 10 largest U.S. reservoirs; in fact, Nevada’s Lake Mead, the largest on that list, holds 25 times more water than Lake Norman.

Seriously, the man cannot even tell the truth about lakes.

Carla Maloney, secretary of the Republican Committee of Beaver County, resigned last week after it was revealed that she repeatedly called NFL players who kneeled during the national anthem “baboons.”

“Tired of these over paid ignorant blacks telling me what I should believe in. I will tell you what I believe in and that is our Flag the National Anthem and America period end of story. You don’t like it here go to Africa see how you like it there. We are all Americans not African American not Hispanic American. WE ARE ALL AMERICAN. [The] Steelers are now just as bad as the rest of the over paid baboons. You respect your flag, country and our national anthem. How many men and women have lost limbs or died to protect this country and you baboons want respect.”

The party, the racist party, rots from the head down.

Speaking of athletes who kneel, this week Nike announced that Colin Kaepernick, who started the Take a Knee movement to protest racial injustice in this country, is one of the faces of the company’s 30th anniversary of the “Just Do It” campaign.

I love it; he deserves it.

Sidenote: people are now burning their Nike merch because they are pissed about Kap but they seem to forget that they’ve already paid for the stuff so they are only hurting themselves.

Asshats.

Diego Berrio and Edwin Giraldo Cortez, two Catholic priests from the Chicago area, were arrested in Miami Beach after bystanders along Ocean Drive reported the men having oral sex … in their car … in broad daylight.

In fact, Diego and Edwin were so busy getting’ busy they didn’t even notice that police had arrived to arrest them.

That’s all.

It starts … Next Wednesday at 10PM … the mashup of Murder House and Coven and the return of Jessica Lange!

Over the long weekend we watched two movies, one at home, and one at the local theater.

First up, was The Light Between Oceans, the story of a couple living alone on an island—he’s a lighthouse keeper—who suffer two miscarriages, and when a rowboat drifts ashore with a baby and a dead man on it, they take the child in as their own … until they learn that the child’s mother is looking for her daughter.

Good film, but the best part, for me, because I’m shallow, is Michel Fassbender as the lighthouse keeper. Tall and dreamy, is he.

Then we went to see BlacKkKlansman, the true story of a black cop, Ron Stallworth, who infiltrated the KKK back in the early 70s; it’s a great film, relevant to America today, sadly, and the ending should, should, make you cry.

Again, though, shallow me, couldn’t help but be enthralled by John David Washington, son of Denzel and Pauletta, who is quite a dreamboat.

I was also, as I have been before, taken by Adam Driver, unconventionally hot, in my mind. 

And also, very good in the film. So there!

If You've Ever Gone Down There Ken Cuccinelli Wants To Prosecute You

Ken Cuccinelli, the Republican running for Virginia governor, says that in order to protect the children of his state from sexual predators he must make all oral and anal sex—between everyone, even married couples—a felony that carries a sentence of a year in prison.

He announced his plan in his new campaign pledge to reinstate a Crimes Against Nature law, which has already been deemed unconstitutional by federal courts. But this week, Cuccinelli’s campaign launched a website, vachildpredators.com, that presents the law banning sodomy as the only “anti-child-predators law” and says that it “is only applied to sodomy committed against minors, against non-consenting adults, or in public.”

Both those statements are lies.

Cuccinelli’s ‘law’ would criminalize the sexual behavior of consenting adults—all consenting adults—as well as those of sexual predators. He is basically saying that if you, ahem, go down on your sexual partner, no matter the gender of either participant, you are a sexual predator.

Cuccinelli, who is the reason the provision including consensual oral and anal sex between grown people wasn’t removed to make the law constitutional in the first place, says, of The Gays:  “My view is that homosexual acts, not homosexuality, but homosexual acts are wrong. They’re intrinsically wrong.  And I think in a natural-law-based country, it’s appropriate to have policies that reflect that … They don’t comport with natural law.”

Gays are good, says Ken; gays having sex are bad.

I think Cuccinelli is a little too obsessed with what The Gays do sexually; and he’s a little too obsessed with what anyone does sexually. I think someone should ask Cuccinelli, in all serious, and in all efforts to be completely transparent as a candidate, if he has ever gone down there and if any one, male or female, to be fair, has ever gone down on him.

Explain please Ken. I mean, if you’re so keen on knowing what I do in my bedroom, then I ask to know what goes on in yours.

The GOP. They have stuck their heads into women’s vaginas and now they’re Peeping Toms into the bedrooms of all Virginians. I mean, if Ken Cuccinelli, the Anti-Cunnilingus, Anti-Fellatio candidate, wins the office of governor.

Sidenote: Does anyone else think Kenny looks a little Light in the loafers? Anyone else think he's a Friend of Dorothy's? Anyone else wonder if he could Have his own show on Bravo? Anyone think he's queer?

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