I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Recently in Gossip we talked Chris Brown’s stint in rehab for anger management that was scheduled to last ninety days but ended at about 14 days. His peeps said he left early because he had to finish his community service from the time he beat the crap outta Rihanna, but, yeah, that was a lie.

Chris Brown was kicked out of the program for throwing a rock at his mother’s car.

Really, Chris Brown??

According to the probation report, Chris’ mom showed up for a family session and was urging him to stay in the facility for extended treatment but Chris wasn’t playing that. He disagreed with Mama Brown, stomped out of the session, grabbed a handful of rocks and threw them at her car, shattering the windows.

Yeah, he don’t need no stinking anger management. Jail would be better.

Kanye. Oy. He’s talking again, and by talking I mean whining like the little bitch he is.

First up: Bruno Mars. At a stop on his Yeezus Tour — which I take to mean, Yeezus Christ You’re A Douche — Miss Kanye bitched to the crowd about the MTV Video Music Awards:

“I’m sitting there, I’m trying to enjoy mother**kers performing, and sh*t. I’m looking, I’m watching Drake perform, I see Bruno Mars perform, and sh*t. And then they start giving out awards and sh*t, and Bruno Mars won all the mother**king awards, and sh*t.”

Actually, Bruno only won two awards, for “Locked Out of Heaven” and “Treasure” but Kanye wouldn’t know the truth if it looked like Kim’s ass and bitchslapped him.

Next up: The Fashion World

“You seen my interview on Jimmy Kimmel talking about how I want to do clothes, how I want support and sh*t. And y’all say, ‘Why can’t he just do it by his self?’ Well, I want to let you know I signed my deal a week and a half ago.”

Of course, he didn’t bother to mention with whom he signed a deal, but I think he might be joining Kim in the bargain bin at Sears.

Next up: Nike CEO Mark Parker.

“They tried to make [the shoe I designed] as small as possible. Mark Parker even talked sh*t, talking about, ‘We don’t even know why people like the Yeezys’. They like ‘em like they like the Jordans, because I was in fourth grade getting kicked out for drawing Jordans.”

Uh huh.

Lastly: Getting Kim on the cover of Vogue

Kanye is really pushing for Kim to get her own Vogue cover and Anna Wintour still isn’t buying it. But Kanye has ALLEGEDLY already created his own cover; a wedding cover, with Kim — not Kanye — in the wedding gown. And he has ALLEGEDLY hired Mario Testino to shoot the pictures and asking Testino to speak to Wintour on Kim’s behalf.

Like anyone, even Kanye’s big ego teamed with Kim’s big ass could get Anna Wintour to put a Kardastrophe on Vogue.

Yeezus needs to sit down.

Courtney Stodden. The ginormous boobed teenager who married a man old enough o be her grandpappy and is now divorcing him is also making news.

She wore a completely see-through negligee to the Pop Fashion and Sport Event. She is possibly being paid to attend these events and look like a blow-up doll because she has no discernible skills.

She says she will not do porn, which means she’ll be doing porn.

She wants to be the new Lady Gaga. A source — probably her soon-to-be-ex — says she is “obsessed with launching her music career… She is confident she can be the next Lady Gaga—but on an ever larger scale.” You know, because of the large scale boobs.

She won’t say ‘No’ if ABC offered to make her the new Bachelorette. I think the season should be sub-titled Jumped The Shark with Stodden’s Boobs.

She says her marriage ended not because her husband was alive when JFK was hot and her own parents were not yet born, but because Doug was “slowing down” and he couldn’t have sex with her as much as she wanted: “Our sex was good, I’m not going to lie, but I’m a young girl who wants to experience sex of all kinds and he’s an older man who’s slowing down a bit. I wanted more sex.” 

I threw up a little in my mouth just typing that.

New Year’s Eve will be Hugh Hefner and Crystal Harris’s first wedding anniversary — speaking of young boob-enhanced girls marrying men old enough to be their grandpas, or in Crystal’s case, her great-grandpa.

And the marriage has been quiet, even after Crystal ditched Hef at the altar the first go-round to take some time and think about marrying Moses while she banged Dr. Phil’s son while Phil watched. ALLEGEDLY.

And now, one year in, BIG SURPRISE, rumor has it that the 27-year-old and the 87-year-old don’t have that much in common and their marriage is plagued with problems.

Like she doesn’t care where he was when he heard the news that Lincoln was shot. And he doesn’t know an iPad from an IUD. He doesn’t want to go out lest he venture to far from a bathroom and she doesn’t want to stay in and want reruns of the Golden Girls. He plays Dominoes, she plays Guess How Many Rolled Up Newspapers I Can Carry Under My Breasts. His favorite movie star: Lillian Gish—Google her—and her fave movie star: Ariel from The Little Mermaid.

Yeah, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that an 87-year-old man and a 27-year-old chemistry experiment have much in common.

Aaron Carter, former pop star is kinda broke.

According to legal documents, his assets total $8,232.16 while his liabilities total $2,204,854. Yup, worth 8 thou, owes 2 mil; you don’t have to be Einstein to see where this is headed. Carter  also owes nearly $1.5 million to the IRS.

He listed all of his assets — including his dog, who was given a monetary value of $0.00 — while his other assets include:

61″ flat screen worth $500; 2 MacBooks; 2 Headset Mics; mini keyboard; Portable Beats; One guitar; $60 in cash; 1 Louis Vuitton backpack; a Brietling watch worth $3,750.

He’s living with relatives right now.

Hopefully the dog is living with someone who can afford Kibble.

Remember when Kanye first hooked up with The Kash Kow — Kim Kardastrophe? 

Remember how he said he wouldn’t ever appear on her “show” and then he did? 

Remember when he said he wanted to be left alone, but then he paraded his baby mama out dressed like a sofa? 

Remember when he said he wanted his privacy?

He lied.

‘Now the rumor is saying that when Kim and Kanye do get married — ALLEGEDLY next summer — that the nuptials will be televised.

Because Kim learned nothing from turning her last 2-month marriage into a TV show.

I am not a fan of Beyoncé. Take away the glitter and the hip thrusts and the wind machine and she’s the girl who makes my Latte in the morning.

Beyoncé lives in Beyoncé World where everything’s coming up Beyoncé, made by Beyoncé, designed by Beyoncé, sold by Beyoncé, for Beyoncé. When she wants something for Beyoncé, it’s done by and for and how Beyoncé wants it. ALLEGEDLY. 

But then she wanted to visit the Great Pyramids at Giza and she ended up being banned.

Jay Z say what?

It seems Beyoncé wanted a private tour of the pyramids all to herself, and asked renowned archaeologist Zahi Hawass to be her guide, but then she was late, kept him waiting and when she showed up, rather than  apologize, she turned on a wind machine, thrust her junk at him and said, er, lip-synced, "I’m Beyoncé.”

Hawass, the former Egyptian Minister of State for Antiquities, tells the story:

“She said she would come at 3PM but she came late. I said ‘You have to say I’m sorry I’m late’. But she didn’t open her mouth. I brought a photographer and she also had a photographer and a guard. When my photographer started to shoot, he said ‘No, Stop! I am the one who says yes or no, not you.’ I said ‘In that case since you almost hit my photographer and you are not polite — out! I am not giving you the privilege of having you on my tour.’ I said Beyoncé was stupid and I left.”

Snap. Beyoncé. Dissed by an archaeologist!

LeAnn Rimes got into more Twitter drama; this time with an ex. No, not her adulterous husband Eddie Cibrian’s ex, but her own ex Dean Sheremet.

 Dean and LeAnn don’t seem to speak or acknowledge each other ever. After their divorce — where he no doubt got a sizable payout so she could marry the married man she’d been schtupping — he moved to New York, went to culinary school and got married to a not-insane girl.

But last month he gave an interview where he talked about LeAnn, and that started new drama which LeAnn naturally took to Twitter.

It all began when a Twitterer, calling themselves Da Giggle Factory — and may, or may not, have actually been LeAnn using a fake account — posted a picture of LeAnn and Dean with the caption, “Remember the good old days when @leannrimes was just a chubby country bumpkin married to a gay dude?”

Rimes reTweeted, and Tweeted back, “hahahaha I’m gonna choose to laugh at this”

Dean Tweeted back, “Laugh away-Who’s the bully now?” He was referring o LeAnn’s recent stint in rehab for the stress caused by Twitter bullies.

Dean then wrote Tweeted  a message to both Rimes and the NOH8 Campaign: “I don’t do twitter wars, but I do hate ignorance.”

Then LeAnn — because her last album sank like a stone and she has nothing to do — did The Twitter Backtrack, Tweeting that she “laughing” at herself, and said Sheremet’s “not gay and there’s nothing wrong” if he was: “I have always & will always support the [gay] community.”

LeAnn needs a job, something away from a computer, but also something she can do while watching Eddie because you just know he’ll cheat on her like he did Wife #1.

Sidenote:  Rumor has it that LeAnn spends most of her time on Twitter responding to herself through various Twitter handles that she’s created for herself.

Basically she talks to herself. Online. Under assumed names. Oy.

Remember Michaele Salahi, who crashed a White House party with her husband Tareq, then showed up on Real Housewives of DC acting like a complete lunatic before she was drummed off the show, disappeared, and then reappeared in the bed of former Journey guitarist Neal Schon?

Well,  Michaele and Schon have announced their engagement and also said that their wedding will be televised as a pay-per-view “event” for the low low price of $14.99.

I’d rather head to the WalMart bargain bin and get a used copy of The Runaway Bride for $17.99.

Seriously? A reality show trainwreck and a has-been guitarist want to sell their wedding to the world. The world ain’t buying kids.

I apologize for the  Kanye overdose this week, but he is the gift that keeps on giving.

And before we get going on his idiocy, let’s giggle for a moment at the reviews for the Yeezus tour, most of which use the words ‘egomaniacal’ and ‘crazy’ and, my favorite, ‘bonkers’ when describing Miss West and her onstage rants at anyone who thinks she isn’t All that and a bag of chips.

Performing at Madison Square Garden recently, Kanye went off on Hedi Slimane, the former Dior designer and current creative director for Saint Laurent, for not treating him like a ‘god’:

“He was once a friend of mine, in the time of Christian Dior. And I used to wear his tight-ass jeans when I was on tour and get called names for it . . . And Hedi Slimane was a god who didn’t serve no bullsh*t … but it takes a god to recognize another god. So when he told me you can come to my show, but you can’t come to see Phoebe [Philo] and you can’t come to see Riccardo [Tisci], that was odd. He tried to control me! He tried to tell me where I could go!”

And no one, NO ONE, keeps Kanye from Riccardo, if you get my meaning.

Just sayin’. He sounds like a woman scorned.

I loathe Justin Timberlake. After watching the American Music Awards — okay, I DVRd it and watched the three hour show in 22 minutes — I came to the conclusion that JT is really TSwifty with a beard. They both have that same phony Aw shucks mentality while acting like they deserve every accolade and more.

And JT takes it a step further, acting like he can do anything. While accepting an award he began to speak in a Bajan accent — suddenly he's Rihanna — to kind of remind people that he can do anything — except make a hit movie — because he was  nominated for “Pop, Rock, and Soul R-and-B.”

He can do it all, y’all, except, like I said, have a hit movie if he plays anything other than a side note character.

Clint Eastwood‘s daughter, Francesca, is seeking an annulment from Jordan Feldstein—manager of Robin Thicke and Adam Levine and brother to Jonah Hill—after less than a week of marriage.

Sources close to the couple — possibly Clint’s soon-to-be ex-wife, and Kris Jenner wannabe, Dina — say the “wedding’ fueled by alcohol. Francesca and Jordan were legally married in a cheesy Vegas wedding chapel by Elvis impersonator.

Holy Britney Spears!

And Francesca had immediate regrets…

Funny, straight folks can get drunk and get married and then call it quits in a matter of hours all they want, but The Gays threaten the sanctity of marriage.

So, remember Paris Hilton’s sex tape?

I mean it came out sometime in the last decade when she was still kind of relevant, but now, NOW, she’s filing suit against a Slovenian website called ParisHiltonPornVideos.com, which has apparently been showing clips of Paris’ clips and bits to drive traffic.

And so now, NOW, she wants it stopped and she wants to get paid for it. She wants the domain name transferred to her because if anyone’s gonna make money off of Paris’ skankitude it better be Paris.

And Rick Salomon who first sold the tape about a hundred years ago.

Is this for real? Are people, any people, still interested enough in Paris Hilton to pay to see her gettin’ did? Or is it as I think, just more of Paris trying to keep herself in the news because, let’s face it, she’s as over as twerking.

I Didn't Say It ....

President Obama, on Congressman Todd Akin's claim that there is such a thing as "legitimate" rape:

"Rape is rape. And the idea that we should be parsing and qualifying and slicing what types of rape we’re talking about doesn’t make sense to the American people and doesn’t make sense to me. What I think these comments do underscore is why we shouldn’t have a bunch of politicians – the majority of whom are men – making decisions about women’s health."

It’s comforting to know that one man, and one party, understands. The GOP, even after Todd Akin’s foot-in-mouth stupidity, still seems to want to ‘qualify’ rape.

This is not the party of the people.

Brian Brown, NOMs Hound from Hell, on Starbucks alleged fall after supporting marriage equality:

"Starbucks supported same sex marriage, saw their support from Republicans dwindle, missed sales projections, and watched the company lose $4.4 billion overnight and over $10 billion from their 2012 high. While executives of publicly traded companies have had a wonderful time claiming that not supporting same-sex marriage hurts their employee recruitment and retention efforts, we now have a case study in how alienating millions of customers can directly affect the bottom line of a public company and damage shareholder value."

Tis true, Starbucks did not meet its growth forecast, but sales have actually increased worldwide…World.Wide…resulting in a 19% rise in profits for the just-ended quarter.

So, yeah, Brian Brown is once again lying.

Scott Brown, the senator from Massachusetts, responding to the Todd Akin flap:

"As a husband and father of two young women, I found Todd Akin's comments about women and rape outrageous, inappropriate and wrong. There is no place in our public discourse for this type of offensive thinking. Not only should he apologize, but I believe Rep. Akin's statement was so far out of bounds that he should resign the nomination for US Senate in Missouri."

When some in your own party are telling you that you’re out of line—especially in the GOP—then it’s time to move on.

Sadly, Todd Akin has gotten the support of a few wingnuts and will be staying in the race.

For now.

Kirk Cameron, former child star and religious wingnut, defending Todd Akin:

“He clearly is a pro-life advocate, and for that, I respect him...He said that he misspoke and that he misphrased something and that he apologized...I’m the kind of person that believes that I would like to be evaluated by my entire career and my entire life, not two words that I would misspeak and then later apologize for. So he’s in a tough spot.”

You’re an ass. There is pro-life, and there is qualifying rape. Two different things, moron. Don’t turn this into a discussion of abortion because that’s not what it is. It’s a discussion about a man, and his party, who believe there are such things as “legitimate” rape and “forcible” rape.

And that party is clearly out of touch.

Todd Akin, trying to salvage his political career:

"Rape is an evil act. I used the wrong words in the wrong way and for that I apologize. As the father of two daughters, I want tough justice for predators. I have a compassionate heart for the victims of sexual assault. I pray for them. The fact is, rape can lead to pregnancy. The truth is, rape has many victims. The mistake I made was in the words I said, not in the heart I hold. I ask for your forgiveness."

Um, maybe you misspoke when you said “legitimate” but you didn’t do so when you said you had talked to doctors who told you that a woman’s body can “fend off” the sperm of their rapists so they don’t get pregnant.

That was stupid and it’s exactly what you said.

Bob Kerrey, the Nebraska Democrat who in 1996 as Senator voted to oppose DOMA when his own party refused to stand up to it, is doing it again, running for Senate with a pitch for marriage equality:

“What I usually say is, ‘Let me talk to you about the issue of homosexuality. People are born the way they are and deserve a full complement of civil rights, including the right to marry. It’s that simple. People who are opposed to it are going to have to be explaining to their grandkids: why, why, why was that the rationale? We're going to be embarrassed in 25 years.”

I hope you’re right, and I hope it doesn’t take twenty-five years.

Hugh Hefner, on marriage equality:

“The fight for gay marriage is, in reality, a fight for all of our rights. Without it, we will turn back the sexual revolution and return to an earlier, puritanical time. Today, in every instance of sexual rights falling under attack, you’ll find legislation forced into place by people who practice discrimination disguised as religious freedom. Their goal is to dehumanize everyone’s sexuality and reduce us to using sex for the sole purpose of perpetuating our species. To that end, they will criminalize your entire sex life...This is a religious nation, but it is also a secular one. … No one should have to subjugate their religious freedom, and no one should have their personal freedoms infringed. This is America and we must protect the rights of all Americans.”

Word, Hef. Word.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

They tried to make her go to rehab, she said No No No....Okay, but only for a week.

Yup, after just a week in rehab for her ongoing battle with sobriety, Amy Winehouse checked herself out because she had to get to her European tour. You know, to make more money for more booze and drugs.

Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Trouble is, Amy wasn't ready to perform...apparently.
In her first concert of her "comeback" tour in Belgrade, Amy Winehouse didn't so much sing and dance as she did slur and sway.
If fact, La Winehouse was so awful, and so out of it, one of her backup singers took over singing the lead vocals on the songs Amy was struggling with--which was all of them--and many in the crowd booed and left the venue. At one point, Winehouse ALLEGEDLY threw her microphone to the stage and then proceeded to take a seat on the equipment or wander about the large stage in a daze.
Her representatives, hoping to cash in on the troubled singer, have already scrapped the next two dates of the tour, in Istanbul and Athens because "she cannot perform to the best of her ability" and feels "this is the right thing to do."
Um, the right thing to do, for everyone, would have been to keep her in rehab until she was sober enough to perform at least one song.
Instead, her tour resumes July 8 in Spain.

Wactress and former model Estella Warren who was charged last week with DUI, hit-and-run, battery on a police officer and resisting arrest, has checked into a residential treatment center and has volunteered to wear a Lohan anklet, AKA an alcohol-detecting SCRAM bracelet.

Nice, but, um, a little late, eh?
Maybe she should have tried to get sober before wreaking havoc on the streets of LA.
Whoever she is.
Her attorney says, "She wants to prove she isn't drinking. She's committed to making the situation right and moving on in a way that's appropriate. This scenario can be the catalyst for significant change. Estella's attitude towards this whole thing is awesome. She's more than accepting. She's embracing the personal opportunities that have come from this."
Yes, awesome isn't it.
To get rip roaring drunk and then drive, and while driving drunk as a skunk, you hit several parked cars, and when an officer tries to detain you, you assault him and resist his attempts to arrest.
Yeah, she's awesome all right.
Maybe we should call not drinking and driving awesome; not hitting parked cars awesome; not assaulting someone awesome.
Warren faces up to six months in jail on the four misdemeanor charges.
Now that's awesome.
 
You don't mess with Anna Wintour, and you don't make Hitler comments on a Steven Spielberg film.
Someone should have told that to Megan Fox.

It is being ALLEGED that Spielberg demanded that Megan Fox be fired from the third 'Transformers' movie after she compared director Michael Bay to Hitler.
Michael Bay is quoted in London's The Daily Mail as saying, "You know the Hitler thing. Steven (Spielberg) said, fire her right now."
Fox was replaced by Victoria's Secret model Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in the latest installation of the 'Transformers' series called 'Transformers: Dark of the Moon.'
Fox shot into the limelight after the first two 'Transformers' movie, and became the next It Girl--though now she might be the Was Girl--after telling London's Wonderland Magazine, "[Bay] wants to be like Hitler on his sets, and he is. So he's a nightmare to work for but when you get him away from set, and he's not in director mode, I kind of really enjoy his personality because he's so awkward, so hopelessly awkward. He has no social skills at all. And it's endearing to watch him. He's vulnerable and fragile in real life and then on set he's a tyrant."
Adolf, er, Michale Bay did say that he was not hurt by the said the Hitler comment, but apparently Spielberg wasn't having it. In fact, he wasn't the only one who was not a fan of Big Mouthed Megan. In an open letter on Michael Bay's website, an anonymous crew member wrote: "We've had the tedious experience of working with the dumb-as-a-rock Megan Fox on both 'Transformers' movies."
Ouch.

Oh, I knew he'd bounce back.
Mere minutes after being left very near the altar, Hugh Hefner has found himself another plaything; and an older one at that.

Yes, people, we can all rest easy now that Hef has found a new love to ease the broken heart of having his six-decades-younger bride, Crystal Harris, walk out on him just days before their nuptials. And this new, older, woman in Hef's life? Well, it's none other than Miss January 2011, Anna Sophia Berglund, who is just five-decades-nine-years-three-hundred-forty-one days younger than Hef.
But before anyone thinks this all about love and happiness, let's remember who were dealing with: the Consummate Ladies Man. And, as a Playboy insider says, "The image of an old man sitting at home broken-hearted is bad for business. Hugh knows that what's best for the brand is for him to start dating again no matter how much pain he is in."
So much pain, so many nude models.
And now, just days after Tweeting of his anguish at being left bride-less, Hef Tweeted: "After all is said and done, staying single is probably the best. I think I just missed a bullet."
And gained a new cover model.

Well, it never takes long for former wacktress Lindsay Lohan to get in trouble, does it?
It seems that the serial rehabber and career criminal tested positive for alcohol and has been ordered to appear in court.
Tested positive while she was on house arrest, mind you.

It is being reported that Lohan was tested twice last week for drugs and alcohol, while serving her sentence under house arrest, and she tested positive for alcohol. She is under house arrest for stealing a necklace from a jewelry store.
This positive test is, of course, a violation to the terms of her probation and the 24-year-old alcoholic jewel thief appeared in front of Judge Stephanie Sautner last Thursday.
A source--and by source, I mean the guy who mixed the Mojito for Lindsay at her last House Arrest Party--says: saying, "Lindsay tested positive for alcohol. The judge in her DUI case, Judge Elden Fox said she couldn't consume any alcohol while on probation. The probation department has prepared a report, and Lindsay will be in court tomorrow."
Seriously, when is this fool gonna do some actual jail time? And, by actual, I mean longer than a couple of hours. She has been handed every chance in the book and she keeps doing whatever she pleases.
Maybe an actual prison term will snap her out of it.
Or make her better at covering her jewel-thieving-drinking-and-drugging antics.
UPDATE: No jail for this criminal. She says the alarms went off because of the special 'tea' she drinks, which has 5% alcohol. Funny how it hasn't affected her SCRAM ankelt before now, huh?

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Ricki Lake is talking. A lot. Apparently, she is developing a new, another, talk show, and is telling anyone and everyone, who will listen, about the show, about her love life, about her ongoing weight loss, about the book she's writing about her life story because we all can't get enough of......what's her name again?

Oh, yeah, Ricki Lake.
But, um, yeah, one thing Ricki ain't talking about is how she is being sued by Hovsep Kousayan, the owner of a house in Malibu, that Ricki and her family rented last year, and that burned down last September. It is being ALLEGED that the fire that destroyed the beachfront home was started, accidentally, of course, while Ricki was freebasing.
Wait, that was Richard Pryor.,
No, Ricki ALLEGEDLY started the fire when she spilled oil while refilling a space heater.
In his lawsuit, Kousayan is ALLEGED to have spoken with emergency responders who claim that on the scene, Lake essentially admitted to causing the blaze. In fact, on the 911 tape, a panicked Lake is heard saying to her children, "Mommy made a mistake."
The Sheriff's Department of Los Angeles County investigated the fire at Lake's rental home and concluded that it was an accident. Capt. Larry Robideaux: "Ms. Lake was refueling a portable heater inside her home and accidentally caused the fire...It took crews approximately ten minutes to extinguish the fire....This has been ruled as an accidental fire. Case closed."
Yeah, unless it's your multi-million dollar Malibu home that Ricki Lake ALLEGEDLY torched.
Hopefully her upcoming chat show pays a lot. I'm thinking she's gonna need it.

What do you do when, while you were married,  and making some forgettable Lifetime movie, you started schtupping your co-star, which caused your husband to divorce you, and caused your adulterous boyfriend's wife to divorce him?

Well, if you're LeAnn Rimes, you continue the drama.
It seems that while honeymooning with her new husband, Eddie Cibrian, Rimes Tweeted pictures of herself, though not of the Weiner variety, that also caused a stir.
The pics showed a very thin, some might say emaciated, Rimes in a bikini, and caused all sorts of ruckus about how thin she's become; but hey, people, husband stealing burns a lot of calories!
Adultery? Check!
Rumors of an eating disorder? Check!
Now, it seems, she wants to be the new JLO and is fighting off rumors that a sex tape, made with her former husband, Dean Sheremet, is floating around, which caused Rimes to Tweet:  "I hear there are rumors of a 'sex tape' I have never filmed myself having sex on tape, period. Haven't joined that club LOL! Just wanted to put minds at ease."
Yes, please put minds at ease, because the picture of your crackling thin body having sex, and now breaking in two, is an image I want to erase.
But keep on plugging.
Adultery? Check!
Rumors of an eating disorder? Check!
Sex tape? Check!
Now, we all know that publicity is good, really, but the kind Rimes is getting, for cheating on her husband, or being more than a bit anorexic, and having a sex tape, is not the way to go.
In the words of the Dixie Chicks: LeAnn? Shut up and sing.

This breaks my heart. When two kids can't stay together, I get weepy.
Yes, tis true, dear readers, seven-hundred-eighty-five-year-old Hugh Hefner's twenty-five-year-old fiance, Crystal [and why are so many Playboy models called 'Crystal'?] Harris, has broken off the engagement.

Man, when two kids with so much in common can't make it, well, then, I lose all hope.
Hefner glumly Tweeted: "The wedding is off. Crystal has had a change of heart."
Or, maybe she realized she was marrying a man old enough to be, not her father, no, not her grandfather, no, but her great-grandfather. So, so much in common.
Harris, who is an aspiring singer, and is ALLEGEDLY romantically involved with Dr. Phil's son, said: "After much deep reflection and thought I have decided to end my engagement with Hef. I have the utmost respect for Hef and wish him the best going forward. I hope the media will give each of us the privacy we deserve during this time."
Let me translate: "After about a minute, I realized I couldn't marry a man who is old enough to have seen the turn of two centuries. I'm a hot nude model who can sing and am trying to shop a reality show around town, and I couldn't be bothered with changing He'f's diapers on a daily basis, so I'm Audi."
As for the privacy part, that makes me giggle, because they were going to film the wedding and show it on TV. Yeah, this is sad. I'm heartbroken.

Troubled actor Charlie Sheen is telling anyone and everyone who will listen that he has another TV gig lined up after being fired from CBS' 2.5 Men for being a drug-addled douche.

It seems that sources--and by sources, I mean, porn stars and drug dealers, because this is Sheen we're talking about--close to Sheen have said that the wacktor is in talks for a new TV series that could debut as early as January 2012.
Trouble is, no one is talking about any network, or any deal or any show. And still, Sheen's representatives are saying he is in "deep negotiations" and the deal could be done by the weekend.
The series, ALLEGEDLY a sitcom, will be written specifically around Sheen--which means he'll be playing a drug-addled, bipolar, sex-addicted narcissist--and that there will be no pilot shot. This is definitely a go, because, well, it stars Charlie Sheen.\
Winning.
And while minor details--like what network would hire him....like is he to be paid in cash or cocaine....like who's producing it....like how many porn stars are on the payroll--have not been been revealed, one thing that Sheen has clearly stated is that 'Two and a Half Men' creator and producer Chuck Lorre will not be involved in the new show.
Oh, I thought that was a given.
Good luck in Fantasyville, Charlie.
 
Oprah Winfrey.
What's does the Big O do when her TV show ends and her network, OWN, is really kind of a failure?

Well, she decides to have another talk show, on OWN, so maybe people will watch. And by people, i mean people who don't wanna see Shania Twain get her career back, or see The Judds in therapy, or watch Ryan and Tatum O'Neal bring their dysfuntionality to the small screen.
Yes, the Big O--who just ended her talk show on a network she doesn't OWN--will be back on TV sooner than we thought, when "Oprah's Next Chapter" starts airing.
And who does O want as a guest?
O followed quickly by J.
O says her "dream" is to take on O.J. Simpson and get the ultimate scoop, like having him admit on TV that he murdered two people in cold blood: "I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me. And I am going to make that happen people."
As God is my witness....or...in Oprah-speak...As I am my witness!
O told interviewer Paula Zahn that she has one big condition for sitting down with OJ: "I don't just want the interview. I want the interview on the condition that you are ready, Mr. Simpson."
Don't hold your breath, O. The only confession you'll ever get from OJ is that he likes cakes and pies as much as you.
So, stay busy on OWN, making new shows like "Oprah's Next Chapter" and "'Season 25: Oprah Behind the Scenes" and "Oprah Presents Master Class" and "Your OWN Show: Oprah's Search for the Next TV Star."
OMG. O and OJ. OMG.
So many O's, so little interest.
 
Some woman with an ass the size of a '67 Dodge Dart, named Coco, who is married to a man named Ice-T, is calling out singer Nicki Mina by saying that Nicki's, um, ample assets are not really real. And not actually surgically enhanced, but more like, fake. Like stuffing.

Ice-T's wife, Coco--seriously, these are their names--revealed to, of all people, Perez Hilton that, as far as she knows, Nicki is rockin' the fake ass because she read that Nicki admitted her butt is bogus: "Well, I read that it wasn't. I thought that she came out with it. I heard it from her."
Then she quickly backtracked. "Okay I don't know... We're not even going to go there anymore. You know what I say about a lot of stylists that work with me... They work with me, they touch my body, they're doing stuff all day long. So they're doing that same thing to Nicki Minaj and they're saying a little bit different."
So, stylists are telling you, while they are touching your ginormous ass and fake breasts that Nicki is stuffing her drawers?
This is a worthwhile conversation?
Especially when Coco has been accused of wearing a doubtful derriere. But then Coco and her husband Sweet T, are the "stars" of a new reality show, and maybe need a little press.
And what a way to get it. Haul out your massive ass, and then say someone else's massive ass is fake.