I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Yeah, I watch the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, sue me. But it’s good reality—if there is such a thing—about people with money acting the fool, and some senseless drama and hypocrisy.

Case in point: Lisa Rinna is a “housewife” and her daughter, nineteen-year-old Amelia Hamlin—whose father is Harry Hamlin—is dating Kardastrophe Kastoff Scott Disick, who is eighteen years older than Amelia, and Harry doesn’t like it. Trouble is, Harry Hamlin, at age twenty-two, began a romance with actress Ursula Andress, who was fourteen years his senior, and they had a son, Dimitri, who is now forty-one.

History repeats Harry, and, um, well, since you have some years on me, maybe you could be my Zaddy? I mean, I still remember that steamy kiss you shared with Michael Ontkean  in Making Love.

Just sayin’. Call me.

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Keeping the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills theme going for a minute, Rinna’s fellow “housewife,” Erika Jayne, is now discussing the ALLEGATIONS that her split from super-lawyer Tom Girardi was faked to save some coins. In fact, a class-action lawsuit was filed against the Girardi’s in December 2020 claiming their divorce was “simply a sham attempt to fraudulently protect [their] money from those that seek to collect on debts owed by Tom and his law firm.”

More recently, court documents accuse Erika Jayne of refusing to turn over her bank records to the bankruptcy trustee investigating Girardi’s assets, who say Jayne used her “glam” lifestyle to conceal assets.

Look, as a watcher of the show here’s what I know: the entire time Jayne has been on the show, she’s sung the praises of Tom Girardi, even saying their age difference meant nothing in their marriage and that they were happy and in love and blah blah blah lies. But then, from Erika’s own mouth we learned that on election day 2020, she drove Tom to work, kissed him, said she loved him, then went back to the manse, where the moving truck she’d hired was being filled with her “stuff” which was taken to a small home she’d already rented in Beverly Hills. And then she called the press to announce her filing for divorce … hours after telling her husband she loved him.

Sure sounds like she had planned the getaway for a while, you know, just in case someone decided to sue her husband and come for her coins.

Shady Jayne.

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Pop icon Tiffany, age forty-nine, was an 80s pop icon, who toured shopping malls to perform her hits ‘I Think We’re Alone Now’ before she disappeared.

Well, y’all, Tiffany’s back, though thankfully not with new music. Nope, Tiff has written her memoirs and has let it be known that she wants Julia Roberts to play her in the movie of her life because she’s a “fabulous red head” too.

After her music career fizzled, Tiffany posed in Playboy and did the reality show rounds, like ‘Celebrity Fit Club’ and the Australian version of ‘I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!’, as well as starring in several films such as ‘Necrosis’ and ‘Mega Python vs. Gatoroid’.

Yeah, this is totally a Julia Roberts role, but I don’t think she’s answering her phone.

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Speaking of delusional people … Jennifer Lopez is loving her life right now and wants everyone to know about it … including A-Rod, the love of her life … for four years. JLo says:

“I’m super happy. I know people are always wondering, ‘How are you? What’s going on? Are you okay?’ This is it. I’ve never been better. I want my people who care about me … to know that I’ve really gotten to a place in my life where I’m great on my own.”

On her own? Um, Jen? Honey? You literally jumped from A-Rod‘s sheets to Ben Affleck’s house in a matter of weeks, so is the “alone’ you speak of in hours or minutes? And do you realize that the message you are sending to your daughter is that jumping from man-to-man is the thing to do, and the message you are sending to your son is that women will dump you and hook up almost immediately with someone else?

If you want us to believe that life is better on your own, try being on your own.

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Meanwhile, back to Erika Jayne, who wants y’all to know that since she left Tom Girardi, she’s had to cut back on her spending. She was forced to rent a $7,500 a month Beverly Hills home with just 3 bedrooms, 2 baths and a pool; she was forced to sell a bunch of her designer clothes and shoes because she had no space in her new tinier home; and she was forced to give up her Lamborghini for a brand-new Range Rover.

Dear goddess, I need to get a GoFundMe working. But the good news is that Erika Jayne, who swears up and down to anyone who’ll listen that she knew nothing about Girardi’s ALLEGED crimes, is getting a judicial smackdown. A judge in one of Girardi’s lawsuits has ruled that ex-clients, and victims of Girardi’s embezzlement victims can sue Erika to collect their stolen $11 million.

More bad news for Erika: she’s been dropped as a model for Rihanna’s lingerie line Savage x Fenty because, ALLEGEDLY, RiRi didn’t like the headlines about one of her models stealing from orphans and burn victims. Sorry, not sorry; Erika has been flaunting her wealth and her spending habits for years on RHoBH and now is playing the innocent, ignorant victim?

Sayonara Beverly Hills house and Range Rover. Hello Escondido and Hyundai!!

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Bobservations

I don’t really have a Carlos story this week, though I will say that I got him up early on a Sunday and we hit CostCo before the church crowd. That was the good news; the bad news is that “The Tasters” weren’t set up that early and Carlos couldn’t graze his way through the store.

The bestest news? We were in and out of CostCo in under twenty-five minutes—spending $368 … or $14.72 a minute—and that might have been a new World record.

As I said the other day, I didn’t watch that show, but I did see the Invention of the Fuck You Clap—as dubbed by Patton Oswalt—by Nancy Pelosi.

It made my day. But even better was Pelosi’s daughter’s explanation of the clap:

“Oh yes that clap took me back to the teen years. She knows. And she knows that you know. And frankly she’s disappointed that you thought this would work. But here’s a clap.”

And a clap back!

Sometimes heroes come in unexpected packages … like 10-year-old Cub Scout, Liam Holmes who made waves in his home town of Durham, North Carolina by taking a knee during the pledge of allegiance at a city council meeting:

“What I did was took a knee against racial discrimination, which is basically when people are mean to other people of different colors.”

And while some were angry that the boy taking a stand by taking a knee, both his father, Scott, and Durham Mayor, Steve Schewel, praised the boy:

“To the scout that expressed his conscience by kneeling, we will say we endorse and appreciate all expressions of conscience in Durham City Council.”

Liam isn’t concerned about those who disagree with his stance, and says he plans to kneel again in the future.

Funny, when the kids get it and the adults don’t, eh?

Ooh, I’m getting hot up in here … Gus Kenworthy is joining the cast of Season 9 of American Horror Story. AHS creator Ryan Murphy:

“That special moment when you realize you have an Olympic medal AND he will be playing Emma Roberts’ boyfriend on “American Horror Story” Season 9.”

Kenworthy responded on his own account:

“I guess the cat’s out of the bag … I’m  So  F**king  Shook  ILYSM [I love you so much] @mrrpmurphy ”

Gus will be a hot addition to the cast and, well, he does like to take his clothes off.

Melanie invited a little boy who shares her same last name to the Propaganda Speech the other night because the child is bullied over his name. But little Joshua Trump was unimpressed, as he fell asleep about halfway through the tossed salad of a speech.

Funny, though, that Melanie brings a bullied boy to a speech given by the biggest bully in the world.

PS Melanie doesn’t look happy …or the Botox is still that fresh.

In addition, this year marks the centenary anniversary of Congress submitting the 19th amendment—giving women the right to vote—for ratification by the states. Now, the 19th didn’t get added to the Constitution until 1920, so next year will be the big year, but … a great many Democratic women wore white to the Propaganda Speech.

Sadly, because the only white they wear is probably hoods and sheets, Melanie and Ivanka both wore black.

Note, however, that Tiffany wore white, which is why Daddy rarely speaks of her.

Maroon 5’s Adam Levine—or as I call it Moron 5—went shirtless at the Super Bowl yesterday in a thirsty attempt to use his nipples to get some attention for what was called the worst half-time show ever, viewers were quick to draw comparisons to Janet’s single nipple and the brouhaha that ensued.

Michael Powell, the Chair of the Federal Communications Commission [FCC], was called before the Senate to discuss the nipple; NFL Vice President Joe Browne said that his organization was “extremely disappointed” in the nipple; then-First Lady Laura Bush said children shouldn’t be subjected to seeing the nipple; CBS was fined $550,000 by the FCC, although a court later overturned that fine; and Janet apologized for the nipple … though Justin Timberlake did not.

Different rules for men, apparently.

PS The Chipotle bag wore it better.

The Sheridan School, a K-8 in Northwest  Washington, DC, recently sent a letter home to parents saying that its students will no longer be playing sports at Immanuel Christian, the school where second lady Karen “Mother” Pence teaches because of its anti-LGBTQ policies because some of its students felt unsafe visiting the other school:

“As  we talked more, we understood that some students did not feel safe entering a school that bans LGBTQ parents, students or even families that support LGBTQ rights. Forcing our children to choose between an environment in which they feel unsafe or staying home was not an option. So we decided that we would invite ICS to play all of the games at Sheridan. Since ICS declined our offer to host, we will only play our home games and will not go to ICS to play.”

Loverly!

And finally … steaming hot 23-year-old French model and fitness trainer Killian Belliard.

Killian studied Law but never really practiced, choosing instead to take off his shirt, among other articles of clothing, asleep with men, shop in the nude, and treat us to his body.

“Merci beaucoup, homme chaud. Puis-je vous emmener au lit et faire l'amour avec vous. Mes lombes sont en feu.”

Just sayin’ … er, Juste en disant.

It's Snarkurday!

Oh, the Racism Valet stories continue to happen, and not just to black people in parks, or stores, or Starbucks, but to celebrities at their own homes.

Apparently Ving Rhames was minding his own business, entering his own home, when one of his white neighbors saw him and called the police.

Seriously. Rhames had arrived at his home, earlier this year, and heard a knock at the door and, well, he’ll tell you:

“I open the door and there is a red dot pointed at my face from a 9-mm, and they say, ‘Put up your hands.’ Literally.”

He was removed from his own home and taken outside where the situation could have gotten worse but for the fact that one police officer recognized him … not as an actor, but as a parent with a son who played basketball at Rhame’s son’s rival high school. And that’s what scared Rhames most of all:

“What if it was my son and he had a video game remote or something, and you thought it was a gun. Just like, I don’t know, Trayvon had a bag of Skittles.”

According to police, one of Rhames’ neighbors called 911 to report a “large black man” breaking into the actor’s home, except the large black man owned the mother**king home; and when police escorted Rhames to the neighbor’s house to clear things up, she denied even placing the call.

Bitch, please. Someone could have been hurt, or worse, because this woman saw a scary black man, once again, going into his own home!

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Rumor has it that Britney Spears and her boyfriend Sam Asghari are about to get hitched, making him the third Mr. Spears …after KFed and that drunk guy she married in Vegas for two days before having it annulled.

‘I don’t really care about this story other than I get to post a picture of Sam Asghari.

Yum.

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No good can come of this, but apparently one Tiffany _____, the daughter the president never mentions, has a new BFF in one jailbird named Lindsay Lohan.

The two were spotted in Mykonos together where Lohan was helping Tiffany fix her ponytail.

Of course, Lohan apparently has a new reality show for MTV about the “club” she opened in Mykonos, so maybe Tiffany, the aspiring pop star or Georgetown law student, depending on who you ask, was making a guest appearance.

Hot messes.

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Speaking of that family, and I don’t mean the Lohan’s, I mean the other one, rumor has it that Junior’s new side-piece, Kimberly Guilfoyle was let go from her “position” at Fox News for being a terrorist.

Now, Kimberly’s team is trying to make it seem like she left because she wanted to campaign with the _____’s, but a source said she didn’t leave Fox News on her own. The network reportedly launched a year-long investigation into what Kimberly was up to and found that she had a habit of showing dick pics—wait, does she have a dick?—to her co-workers, talked about her sex life with Oil Slick Jr. and emotionally abused the hair and makeup people … which may explain her appearance.

Wow, she sounds like a perfect _____. Except she’s a dick pic’er, not a pussy groper.

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So, the Countess Drunkess Luann de Lesseps will serve absolutely no jail time for having sex in the wrong hotel room, being a belligerent drunk in public, assaulting a police officer, threatening to murder a police officer and for recording Money Can’t Buy You Class … a “song” that was accused of murdering the ear drums of countless people around the globe.

She got the “Lohan Treatment” and was and sentenced to probation and a few hours of community service in which she will search the internet for all signs of her music and have it scrubbed. Before all that could be accomplished, though, Luann checked herself back into rehab because Money Can Buy You Vodka.

Y’all remember that Skinny Girl Frankel released a statement on Luann’s return to treatment, but apparently, she spoke to soon, because after just a few weeks, Luann has released herself and left rehab. She will return to the cabaret circuit and continue her one-woman show where she destroys the hearing of entire audiences and seek treatment on an out-patient basis …as in the patient is out in a bar.

Just sayin’.

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Oh, the horror! Another rich white person wants y’all to know that being rich and white and on Fox News is hurting their lives.

First, we had Alan Dershowitz claiming that being shunned at Martha’s Vineyard parties because he wrote a book about not impeaching _____ was akin to McCarthyism and a major civil rights issue, but now one Melissa Francis, an on-air “talent” for Fox Business, has stepped forward to tell her tale of woe.

Francis blonde and interviews Republicans, so it’s hard to figure out which one she is on Fox, but she is a proud _____-supporting fool and sis now suffering the consequences.

Francis recently took to Twitter to accuse her local country club of shunning her family, suggesting she was targeted because of her political views. Francis claims that even though she’s a member of Siwanoy, a posh Bronxville, New York establishment, she can’t get a table there for dinner:

“We are member of Siwanoy Bronxville but somehow, they can’t fit us in for dinner. Repeatedly. I’m sure it’s a coincidence and not something more. Right?”

Francis concluded with several hashtags:

“#Never_____ers #cnn #HillaryForever?”

I don’t get the CNN hashtag, or the Hillary Forever one, but, yeah, Never _____ers? Serves you right. Maybe she and Colonel Sarah Huckleberry Sanders can head down to the Chic-fil-A and share a basket of wings?

Seriously, Ving Rhames is getting the police called on him because he’s black and owns a home and this privileged whit b*tch is complaining because she can’t get a table at her country club?

Take a seat you entitled cow.

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It's Snarkurday!

It’s like an itch you can’t stop scratching ... Usher’s herpes lawsuits, that is.

The first ... first ... accuser, suing for $20 million, has now revealed herself: Laura Helm. And, Lisa Bloom, who is representing several ... several ... of Usher’s accusers, has filed more documents including one that details how one young man ended being infected by the singer when, he ALLEGES, that Usher exposed him to herpes when they f**ked at a Koreatown spa in L.A.

That ain’t no Happy Ending, y’all.

Now, Usher has called all of his accusers liars, but he will not say if he has the herpes and is refusing to take an STD test.

Take that for what it is, but until we know better, Just Say No, to Usher.

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There are some "celebrities" who should never speak, Tweet, Instagram or Facebook because their view of the world needs to be kept silent.

Melissa Joan Hart. She recently whined all over Instagram about her family vacation being ruined because of Hurricane Maria.

Yup, the semi-rich, scarcely talented TV star, and her family were headed to the Nickelodeon Resort Punta Cana, but couldn’t go because a hurricane came along and washed away the homes and businesses and livelihoods of all kinds of people; so Melissa whined about missing her vacation on social media. She later removed her post once she realized the storm killed people, but this kind of delusion is nothing new for Hart ...

Back in 2015, she promoted her clothing line on the 14th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks with the tagline:

“Free Shipping in honor of the victims, families & first responders of 9/11. Use the promo code ‘911’ during your online checkout at KingofHarts.com.”

Yup, you may have lost your spouse, lover, son, daughter in the worst terror attack ever on American soil, but, hey, you get Free Shipping!

Seriously, bitch, take a seat.

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This may be true, and it may not be, but ... twenty-year-old Kylie Jenner is ALLEGEDLY pregnant by her boyfriend of five months, twenty-five-year-old rapper Travis Scott.

That Woman has yet to confirm the pregnancy because they’re still trying to iron out the details of how Kylie will pee on a stick on TV ... break up with the Baby Daddy on TV ... get her first ultrasound on TV ... get back together with the Baby Daddy on TV ... give birth on TV ... break up with the Baby Daddy on TV ... get back together with the Baby Daddy on TV ... have DCF remove the child from her home on TV ... and then launch a new lipstick line.

No, seriously, that’s how it’ll play out. They’re Kardastrophes after all.

Oops. It got twice as skeevey because now Khloe is pregnant, too. That Woman will be working overtime whoring out two babies!

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It’s almost a year later and folks are still talking about Mariah’s Carey’s Epic New Years Eve Fail, aka The Clusterf**k Heard Round The World.

To recap, Mimi tottered around a stage on impossibly high heels singing, ahem, live to a track that she didn’t to remember or even know. Mimi and her team later blamed Dick Clark Productions, and DCP placed the blame at the high heels of the diva who didn’t show up to rehearse.

Now, finally, Miss Ryan Seacrest is ready to dish; during an appearance on Watch What Happens Live! Seacrest insinuated that the fault was all Mimi because she refused to do a soundcheck:

“That crew, that team, that staff is the best in the business. They put on the biggest live music events and they know what they’re doing. I know how good they are at their jobs. My reaction was, ‘She was working with the best.’ I find it hard to believe they made big mistakes that bad.”

Seacrest, of course, knowing Mimi missed the soundcheck ... I think ... scurried several blocks away after introducing Carey and says he had no idea what was going on:

“When it was happening, it was hard for me to see and hear because we’re in Times Square and there was a lot going on. I had to be told that something was going on and then try to find a monitor to react to. So I wasn’t quite sure what was happening, actually.”

Really, Ryan? You’re working with the best team ever and you’re a nitpicky diva yourself, and someone had to tell you to watch?

I think you were sipping tea and watching it all with a wry smile on your face.

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When you’re born wealthy and spoiled you never really learn to share ... even within your own family; and that’s exactly the case with spoiled brats Ivanka and Junior _____.

It seems Newsweek got hold of some ancient interview Big Daddy Little Hands _____ did with Howard Stern and, if you didn’t already feel sorry for Tiffany _____, this might ... might ... make you change your mind.

The interview ALLEGEDLY took place in late 2005, and in it, Stern asks _____ about a rumor Ivanka and Junior tried to erase Tiffany from Daddy’s will; _____answers:

“I have a friend who is also like a very rich guy. And he said how his children hate the new children coming along and everything else; I said, ‘Yeah, because every time you have a child, it’s 20 percent less to the people [Inaudible].'”

So then Stern asks if Junior and Ivanka were trying to “bump off a child.” Trump instantly says:

“Tiffany?”

Stern asks if that rumor is true and _____ tries to evade the question but Stern keeps asking it, and finally _____ says:

“Yes.”

Then _____ points out that when he dies, all his kids will be inherit ... wait for it, he actually said it ... _____ University and _____ Ice bottle water. _____ U is gone and _____ Ice is now only available at _____’s tacky hotels and resorts.

Big coins, eh? Now, to be fair, ______ may have been lying about Ivanka and Junior wanting to nix Tiffany from the bankroll, but then that means he’d paint his own children as greedy monsters for a story; or, he’s telling the truth and his two oldest kids are evil greedy spoiled self-entitled loons who will never amount to anything.

Either way ... I think on the day Daddy kicks it and the will is read, Tiffany will be the proud owner of a warehouse filled with MAGA hats.

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Back before Leah Remini left the Cult of Scientology, she co-starred with Kevin James on The King of Queens, a minor hit for CBS. The show ended and Leah and Kevin went about their business; he made a couple of films and she began taking down a cult.

James returned to TV, with a new TV wife, last year in Kevin Can Wait and toward the end of the season Leah Remini guest-starred on the show, ands the ratings went way up. The producers loved the higher numbers and sop they asked Leah Remini to join the cast only there was one hitch: Kevin James’ character had a wife and how would it look if he and Leah, who plays an old flame, were all flirty and stuff. What to do, what to do ...

Kill off the wife. Yes, they killed the wife character, played by Erinn Hayes and brought Remini back full-time and will slowly—so as not to alienate fans—have Leah and Kevin become a TV couple. Wow. But, when asked how they planned to reveal the death of the “wife,” producers said they would keep it thoughtful and simple except ... not so much ... this is how they did it:

The new season began with Kevin’s character, aptly named Kevin, looking at the mail and finding a letter addressed to his wife from her gym that read:

“We haven’t seen you, we miss you.”

Kevin replies:

“You know what, so do I.” 

His TV daughter Kendra—actress Taylor Spreitler—grabs the letter and says:

“It’s been over a year since she died, they shouldn’t still be sending this.”

Then Kevin makes a joke about not throwing it out, because he wants to save the coupon attached for a kung fu lesson.

Wow. That was sweet and simple: the junk mail reveal. And Kevin made need to Kung Fu lessons to protect him if he ever comes across Erin n Hayes—the now-dead TV wife—in an LA alley.

Just sayin’.

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I used to like Wendy Williams until she went the Trans humor route and I stopped watching. As a Snarker, however, I loved her daily dose of gossip, though now she might not be as thrilled with the rumor mill ...

The Daily Mail reports that Wendy’s husband, Kevin Hunter, has ... ALLEGEDLY ... been carrying on a ten-year affair with 32-year-old massage therapist Sharina Hudson; the Daily Mail knows this because they’ve been watching the adulterers for over a year! They claim Kevin has been living a double life, moving between his home with Wendy and the condo he bought for Sharina. And the Daily Mail has pictures of Kevin and Sharina—he calls her “Shawty”—at the apartment, the gym, and even at the grocery store ... pictures showing Sharina wearing a big ass diamond engagement ring. And they also have photos of the inside of the mailbox at the new, private $765,000 house Kevin ALLEGEDLY upgraded them to, showing both Kevin and Sharina’s names. Sources claim they live a pretty normal life other than the fact that Kevin has a wife, another house and a son just a couple of towns over.

And this really is nothing new for Kevin Hunter; he’s not really what you might call a gentleman. Back in 2008 he was sued for sexual harassment by a talent broker who worked on Wendy’s radio show; that was settled out of court. And Kevin had an affair back in 2001, which Wendy now admits to having known about, and decided to stay with him because the cheating made them stronger ... or made him hide the next time even better?

And so she’s doing the same now; when the story broke and Wendy appeared on her show, she flashed her wedding ring and called the rumors fake:

“I stand by my guy. All is well in Hunterville. Don’t believe the hype. And if there was hype, believe me, I would let you know. And by the way, I’ll be following this story. So I guess I’ll have to watch to find out what happens.”

It’s not true he has two homes ... not true he gets mail at a house with another woman, with whom he shops and dines and works out and lives; and, also not true, is the quote from Sharina’s parents saying they want Kevin to dump Wendy and marry Sharina because they want grandbabies.

Keep following it Wendy ... we’ll follow it to divorce court.

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Lenny Kravitz is steamy hot. But this isn’t about that; it’s about Lenny and chocolates.

Lenny is living in Paris while working on a new album, but he took a night off for the opening performance of the Paris Opera Ballet. While most men wore tuxedos, Lenny wore black leather ... like I said, hot ... and in one of the pockets was some chocolate he brought along for a snack. And that hidden chocolate caused some issues when, minutes after the lights went down, Lenny pulled that piece of chocolate out to nibble on, and as he unwrapped it, a man in front of him went off:

“Shhhh! Stop eating! Stop eating!”

And so Lenny got out of his seat and confronted the man:

“Don’t tell me what to do. This is France!”

And we’ll stop ... This is France? That’s an excuse? I’m’a use that if I ever get stopped by a cop and see what happens, though it clearly didn’t help Lenny because ... back to our story ...

Lenny was then grabbed by a woman nearby, who exclaimed:

“You don’t know who that is!”

She was speaking about the ALLEGED VIP at whom Lenny was shrieking; and so he replied:

“I don’t care—don’t tell me what to do.”

And just when it looked like Lenny and the VIP might schedule a duel with pistols at dawn, it was over ...  Lenny took his seat, then stormed out—perhaps to eat his chocolates in the lobby—only to return 15 minutes later to watch the show. And then, after the show, Lenny was seen with the French VIP hugging it out in the lobby and laughing.

Maybe Lenny’s blood sugar was low ... let him eat chocolate and, as Lenny taught us, Let Love Rule.

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