Bobservations

Last week our espresso machine frothed its last milk, and while we await the arrival of her replacement, we have been using a French Press for morning caffeine.

Carlos makes the coffee, which requires him to, and this might be difficult, put water in a pan, put said pan on stove, cover said pan, turn on burner, wait for water to boil, pour water into French Press, let coffee steep.

Well, one morning there was half a French Press of coffee because Carlos hadn’t filled it up, and this morning it happened again. I suggested that, with his eyesight, he put the water in the French Press first and then pour that into the pan and boil it. That way the right amount of water is boiled, and this is what he said:

“I thought I filled it up all the way. I boiled the water and when I was pouring it, I heard it go ‘glub glub glub’ and so I stopped because I thought it was full.”

Glub … Glub … Glub. That could have been Consuelo hair balling in the next room.

Once again, I shamefully admit that I was born in Mississippi, but also offer up the fact that I left when I was six-months-old before the state had a chance to ‘groom’ me into racism and ignorance.

Wisconsin Representative Tom Tiffany just Tweeted out that Joe Biden came after your guns, and then came after your Free Speech, and now he’s coming for your gas stoves.

I wish Joe had actually come for this asshat’s ability to run for Congress since he’s an ignorant lying POS.

To paraphrase on of my favorite Seinfeld episodes, “These cakes are real, and they're spectacular.”

Most Arizona voters disapprove of Senator-For-Now Kyrsten Sinema for leaving the Democratic party so much so that no party, Democrat, Republican, or Independent, have a favorable opinion of her.

Some 50% of Arizonan Republicans disapprove of Sinema, and 59% of Democrats don't like her and 48% are Team Anyone Else.

,Good luck on the reelection bid, wingnut.

I was at the grocery store the other day, and as I grabbed a few potatoes, standing at the back of my cart, this elderly woman reached in front of me, took my cart by the handle, and shoved it out of her way. I said:

“You could have said ‘Excuse me,’ and I would have made room for you to pass.”

“I didn’t see you so I took care of it myself.”

I wanted to tell her to get her eyes checked, but I also wanted to shove her raggedy ass into one of beer coolers, but instead I said no more and walked away. But then, as luck would have it, when we were checking out, she showed up in the same line behind me, with her basket, and said, oh so sweetly:

“Would you mind if I went ahead? I’ve just got a few things.”

I smiled and said:

“Why ask? Why not just shove my cart out of the way.”

I didn’t let her ahead of me.

Those of you who think Prince Harry speaking out about press abuse & family gaslighting by telling his own story while senior royals removed his and Meghan’s security detail, and yet have no issue whatsoever with those same royals allowing Prince Andrew to not only keep his security, but to pay £12 million to a sex trafficking victim 'he never met' is the REAL outrage. 

Last week in my Fashion Roundup for the Golden Globes I trashed Heidi Klum for her, ahem, lack of fashion choices, but one woman, artist Angelica Hicks, did me one better by recreating Heidi’s sequined and feathered dress using nothing but aluminum foil and a sanitary pad painted with purple eyeshadow.

Nailed it. Heidi should have worn Tin Foil and Tampons.

I don’t know much about David Boas, other than he’s a model and has some pretty fabulous hair and likes wearing as little clothing as possible. But the real question is, Would You Hit It?

Snarky Thoughts

Apparently King Charles III has an issue with fountains pens leaking while he signs royal decrees and such. And when he had another incident where a fountain pen expressed its displeasure that Prince Harry was not allowed to wear his military uniform to the Queen’s vigil since he’s not a working royal anymore he really lost it.

My Thought: During a phone call to Camilla Parker Bowles, while he was married to Princess Diana, Prince Charles said he wished he could be a tampon so he could be inside Camilla Parker Bowles all the time, so clearly he knows all things that leak.

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This week GQ published an article about the growing popularity of leg lengthening surgery, claiming that more and more men are getting a “a radical and expensive surgery” that adds three to six inches to their height. Unfortunately, it requires having both of your femurs broken.

My Thoughts: Anyone seen Tiny Tom Cruise lately?

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When "Frasier," the "Cheers" spin-off, was confirmed, former “Cheers” Kirstie Alley called producer David Lee to say she wouldn't be on the show because she didn't believe in psychiatry as a Scientologist.

Lee replied, "I don't recall asking."

My Thought: Big mistake, Kirstie. Huge. Does anyone remember “Veronica’s Closet” or “Fat Actress” starring Alley? Uh huh.

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Is he trying to Out-Madge Madonna? Forty-seven-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio  is rumored to be dating 27-year-old model Gigi Hadid just weeks after breaking up with 25-year-old model Camila Morrone.

My Thought: Is he dating her or adopting her? And maybe he and Madge should share notes, you know, break up a young couple and she gets the boy and he gets the girl.

PS That’s Leo and his Nana, er, his Madonna … just friends because they’re both way too old for each other.

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This brings me joy … it appears Kim Kardastrophe had a rather awkward moment at New York Fashion Week’s Fendi show last Friday. Kimmy, who was seated next to the vile Sarah Jessica “Why The Long Face” Parker, stood and clapped as the show ended. And that’s when Anna Wintour came across the catwalk. Kimmy smiled and reached out her hand and Anna smiled and outstretched her arms … and hugged SJP.

My Thoughts: When I stop laughing I may have a thought on this, though I have a newfound love for Nuclear Wintour.

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Finally, a little talk on racism, and how it hurts all people, no matter your social standing or status in the world.

At one of the [too] many celebrations and viewings of Queen In A Box, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle held hands while leaving Westminster Hall, unlike King Charles III, Queen Consort Camilla, William and Kate Middleton, and some people went off:

“They’re part of the procession. Is it too much to expect them to walk in their line? even the horse could stay in their position for 20+ minutes walk. yet meghan [and] harry couldn’t keep the formation at least until they reach the door?”

Another argued that Markle had “no class,” writing:

“I see Meghan still couldn’t manage the whole service without holding on to Harry.”

Oddly enough, though, Harry and Meghan weren’t the only ones holding hands in the procession. Princess Anne’s daughter, Zara Tindall, and her husband, Mike, were also holding on to each other as they left Westminster and there was nary a word about their PDA.

My Thought: One of these things is not like the other and that’s why vile people spew their venom.

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In Ain't One To Gossip But ...

It was never lost on anyone that it seemed weird that Sex and the City never had at least one Black friend—and Jennifer Hudson, as Carrie’s assistant, doesn’t count—but now, some twenty-three years after its premiere, the producers, including SJP, have finally noticed there are people of color in New York City.

You.Don’t.Say. Yes, I do, because now Nicole Ari Parker has been added to the reboot and it’s being reported that her character will fill the vacancy left by Kim Cattrall who has had enough of SJP and left the building.

The reboot, entitled And Just Like That… so no one shrieks, “Oh my god, not another sequel to this crap,” is currently shooting in NYC with SJP, Cynthia Nixon, Kristin Davis, and Nicole Ari Parker, playing Carrie Bradshaw’s new best friend, documentary-maker Lisa Todd Wexley.

Somewhere Kim Cattrall is reading this news and saying, “Meh.”

Just like the rest of us.

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Prince Harry fancies himself an environmental activist, even appearing … again … with Oprah Winfrey on her Apple TV+ series The Me You Can’t See to talk about an issue he is passionate about: climate change.

Nice, Harry, but then please explain why you took a rich friend’s private jet from Aspen to Santa Barbara playing in a charity polo match.

Charity good, private jet bad, Harry.

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In the latter part of the last century, actress Brett Butler was making millions from her hit sitcom Grace Under Fire based on her own life and stand-up comedy act. Trouble was, Butler had addiction issues, boundary issues—she allegedly bared her breasts to a twelve-year-old boy—and was difficult on set. Things got worse when Butler became addicted to Vicodin—which a doctor prescribed for sciatica—and began butting heads with the show’s creator Chuck Lorre—who would later have the same types of issues with Charlie Sheen on the set of Two and a Half Men. As Brett battled addiction, the show’s ratings fell and cast members began quitting. The show was canceled, and Brett left Hollywood to live on a farm in Rome, Georgia, until losing that to foreclosure.

She returned to Hollywood, ready to start her career over again, and is using GoFundMe to ask her fans to help her out even though she earned some $25 million from Grace. In the last decade she was cast on Sheen’s Anger Management for 38 episodes, did a few episodes of The Young and the Restless, appeared on The Leftovers, How To Get Away With Murder, The Walking Dead, and The Morning Show. She generally gets paid over the guild minimum and sometimes makes $5,000 for a one-day shoot, but doesn’t work that often, and, you know, it’s hard out there for a former millionaire and Butler struggles to pay her $2500-a-month rent and so is down to the social media money beg.

Sorry, hon, but you seem to think you’re owed something. And you aren’t. I remember when former Cosby Show actor Geoffrey Owens, who was struggling to make ends meet after the show ended, didn’t head to GoFundMe to have the public pay his bills but took a job at a Southern California Trader Joe’s. Maybe they’re hiring Brett …

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Kanye has recently filed papers with a California court to have his name legally changed from Kanye Omari West to … Ye.

I think he should change his name to ‘Who’.

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And speaking of Kardastrophe-adjacent folks, leave it to Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott to prove themselves tone-deaf … again.

Stormi Webster, the three-year-old love child of Travis Scott and Kylie Jenner, expressed an interest in how poor people get to school, her dad surprised her with a school bus of her own so she could experience what normal people do. And because Kardastrophe-adjacent people live on social media, Kylie shared Stormi’s shock-and-awe at the bus in her Instagram Stories.

I guess it’s lucky Stormi didn’t express an interest in rocket ships because then she’d be circling the globe about now.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Boy, those royals are a pissy, petty bunch.

Over the weekend the UK celebrated Remembrance Day, which falls on November 11, to commemorate the end of WWI, and pay homage to the soldiers from wars that followed, like WWII and the Gulf War.

But the Royal Family turns up for Remembrance Day ceremonies on the Sunday prior to the 11th, to lay wreaths at the Cenotaph. And normally that would include Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, but since they no longer live in the UK, Harry asked his family if they’d lay a wreath on his behalf.

The family said ‘No.’

Prince Harry. War hero. And since his family is a bunch of pissy, petty self-entitled asshats, Harry and Meghan held their own private wreath-laying ceremony at the Los Angeles National Cemetery. The couple laid flowers at the gravesites of two commonwealth soldiers, one who served in the Royal Australian Air Force and one from the Royal Canadian Artillery. They also placed a wreath at an obelisk in the cemetery that features a plaque that’s inscribed, In Memory of the Men Who Offered Their Lives in Defense of Their Country.

Shame on their family.

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Nicole Young and Dr. Dre have been going at it in court over their ongoing divorce. Dre won the battle of paying for Nicole’s security, but not at the increased rate. Small victories, I’m guessing.

So, Nicole wants a big win, and has asked the courts to have Dr. Dre’s legal team tell her about any potential paternity issues he may have hidden from her during their union. Doh. She wants the tea on secret babies that might affect her coin beg.

Luckily, Judge Maury Povich will have the results … right after this message.

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Well, Johnny Depp lost his libel suit against The Sun for calling him a wife beater. The good news is that, now, you can call Depp a wife beater and not get sued, while the bad news is that Warner Bros., who’d been hoping a judge would rule differently and they wouldn’t be the studio that hired a “wife beater,” will have to make the third Fantastic Beasts movie sans Johnny.

You see, Johnny, so as not to bring wife beater baggage to the film shoot, has resigned from the role. But wipe those tears y’all because Johnny Wife Beater Depp will still get a paycheck.

Johnny has a pay-or-play contract, which stipulates that he gets paid whether or not the film gets made or his role gets recast, or he quits because he lost a libel suit which states he’s a wife beater. And, by quitting, Johnny saved his coins, because has Warner Bros. fired him, he might not have gotten his coins, which is ALLEGEDLY in the eight-figure range.

So, if you’re feeling sort of sorry for wife-beater Johnny … don’t.

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I used to think Ivanka was the decent _____ because she was so poised and soft-spoken, but I realize now that was all an act, and she is a complicit, murdering, con artist, grifting criminal just like Daddy.

Fuck her. And that’s why I believe this story, and not Ivanka’s version of it.

The story broke this week that Ivanka and her eunuch husband, Jared, had pooled their children out of DC’s Milton Gottesman Jewish Day School of the Nation’s Capital two weeks before Election Day and three weeks after an outbreak of COVID-19 cases in and around the Superspreader White House. The Kushners took their children to a new school, the Melvin J. Berman Hebrew Academy in suburban Maryland, because Berman offered more in-person classes during the pandemic.

Or were they forced to remove their children because parents at Milton raised concerns that the Kushners were seen at events not complying with the coronavirus protocols that Milton demanded of its parents. And because the school would not tell the parents whether the Kushners had informed the school of the last day of contact between the infected president and Ivanka’s rugrats.

Which makes more sense? The Kushners taking their kids out of  a DC school—close to home—because another school had more in-person schooling, or that the Kushners were asked to remove their children because they cavort with superspreaders, masklessasshats and viral soon-to-be ex-presidents?

Uh huh.

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Now, to cleanse the air of the Kushner stink, I will turn to one Gary Sinise. We don’t get a lot of snark about Gary Sinise too much because he lives a quiet life, doing good things for a lot of folks, notably our military veterans.

In fact, this week, for veteran’s day, Sinise, who runs the Gary Sinise Foundation, partnered with Veterans United Home Loans to help some veterans pay off their mortgages. Sinise and Veterans United Home Loans created the “Make It Mean More” campaign on Twitter, where for every “thank you for your service” tweet sent out, $25 was donated to pay off a veteran’s mortgage.

And Gary Sinise actually made many Zoom calls to veterans letting them know that they were now mortgage-free, and took zero credit for the program, saying he was just delivering good news.

But he does more than that; one of the programs in his foundation builds specially adapted smart homes and modifying dwellings for disabled veterans’ special equipment.

See, there are decent celebrities out there doing wonderful things for others, and asking for no glory, except maybe a donation … which you can give if you want to stop in at the Gary Sinise Foundation

Just sayin’.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Prince Harry, on Sussexit:

“…I must say that I can only imagine what you may have heard or perhaps read over the past few weeks. So I want you to hear the truth from me, as much as I can share, not as a duke or prince but as Harry, the same person that many of you have perhaps watched grow up over the last 35 years but now with a clearer perspective … The U.K. is my home and a place that I love. That will never change. I’ve grown up feeling supported by so many of you and I’ve watched as you welcomed Meghan with open arms as you saw me find the love and happiness that I’d hoped for all my life … I also know that you’ve come to know me well enough over all these years to trust that the woman I chose as my wife upholds the same values as I do. And she does. And she’s the same woman I fell in love with. We both do everything we can to fly the flag and carry out our roles for this country with pride … Once Meghan and I were married, we were excited. We were hopeful and we were here to serve. For those reasons, it brings me great sadness that it has come to this. The decision I have made for my wife and I to step back is not one I made lightly … It was so many months of talks after so many years of challenges and I know I haven’t always gotten it right but as far as this goes there really was no other option. What I want to make clear is, we’re not walking away. I hope that helps you understand what it had to come to, that I would step my family back from all I have ever known, to stake a step forward into what I hope can be a more peaceful life. I will always have the utmost respect for my grandmother, my commander in chief, and I am incredibly grateful to her and the rest of my family for the support they have shown Meghan and I over the last few months … I will continue to be the same man who holds his country dear and dedicates his life to supporting the causes, charities and military communities that are so important to me.”

This is a man who watched his mother tortured and murdered by the media, and then sees that same media go after his wife in the most vile ways. And he chooses to step away to save his wife and family from the pain his mother went through.

I say, Good job, Harry.

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Kellyanne Conway, _____’s cryptkeeper, on impeachment and MLK:

“I’ve held my opinion on it for a very long time, but when you see the articles of impeachment that came out, I don’t think it was Dr. King’s vision to have Americans dragged through a process where the president is not going to be removed from office, is not being charged bribery, extortion, high crimes and misdemeanors.  I, this morning, was reading some of the lesser-known passages by Dr. King and I appreciate the fact that we as a nation respect him by giving him his own day.”

SerIously. She’s calling up MLK, a man her own boss would deem less than, to talk impeachment.

Fuck off, lapdog.

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George Conway, husband of _____ cryptkeeper,  Kellyanne Conway, on _____’s lawyers:

“The depths to which _____’s lawyers will go to make these deceptive arguments. I mean they’re treating the American public, they’re treating the Senate, like they’re morons. It’s just outrageous. I’m deeply saddened. It’s very upsetting. And this is a moment I think of reckoning. Not just for the country and for the rule of law and for the Constitution. It’s a very specific day of reckoning for the Republican senators who took this oath, and the Republican Party generally. Are they going to stand for lies instead of truth? Are they going to stand for gaslighting instead of reality? Are they going to just do the bidding of this one man and put his interests over those of the country? That’s what this is about.”

Too bad your wife can't, or won't see that.

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Phil Bryant, GOP governor of Mississippi, on what might happen if Mississippi elects its first Black senator since reconstruction:

“I intend to work for [Cindy Hyde Smith] as if the fate of America depended on her single election. If Mike Espy and the liberal Democrats gain the Senate we will take that first step into a thousand years of darkness.”

Racist much? I mean, I know it’s Mississippi, but still.

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Lindsey Graham, on ____”s mood as he faces the Senate trial:

“His mood is to go to the State of the Union with this behind him and talk about what he wants to do for the next, rest of 2020 and what he wants to do for the next four years. He is very much comfortable with the idea that this is going to turn out well for him. The one thing he talks to me constantly about is, what does the next president do after this if this is successful? He does not want to legitimatize the attack on the presidency.”

Oh ma’am, he’s not the least bit concerned about the next president or the one after that. He’s concerned about his image and his brand and his money.

Your only concern is latching onto men in power because you have none of your own.

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Michael Moore, filmmaker and activist, on the New York Times endorsement of both Elizabeth Warren and Amy Klobuchar:

“We shouldn’t run one woman. We should run two women. The president and the vice president on the ticket will be two women. Let’s just double down on this. Let’s just double down. All the pundits will go, ‘oh no, you can’t do that. They’ll never get elected now.’ Oh yeah? I’ll tell you right now, every woman’s gonna vote. And every young person’s gonna vote. And anybody, anybody who’s part of any group that has had the boot on their neck for most of their lives because they belong to a particular ethnic group, a particular gender, a particular age group, everybody who knows that feeling will come out and be for that.”

I can see that happening.

And I’m down for it.

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It's Snarkurday!

After hinting about it for a few months, actress Uma Thurman finally gave a detailed account of her encounters with pervert Harvey Weinstein.

Thurman says their relationship started off professional, but that changed on the set of “Pulp Fiction,” when Weinstein suggested they meet in his hotel room and he wore just his usual bathrobe. Thurman admits she wasn’t initially alarmed by what Weinstein was wearing, but she began to question his intentions when he led her down a hallway to a steam room:

“I was standing there in my full black leather [Pulp Fiction] outfit — boots, pants, jacket. And it was so hot and I said, ‘This is ridiculous, what are you doing?’ And he was getting very flustered and mad and he jumped up and ran out.”

And that wasn’t her only interaction with the sexual predator; that incident led to another encounter in London that she described as “such a bat to the head”:

“He pushed me down. He tried to shove himself on me. He tried to expose himself. He did all kinds of unpleasant things, but he didn’t actually put his back into it and force me. I was doing anything I could to get the train back on the track. My track. Not his track.”

The next day Weinstein’s assistants arranged for Thurman to meet with him again and she claims he threatened her by saying, “if you do what you did to me to other people, you will lose your career, your reputation and your family, I promise you.”

Weinstein is now saying that he did make a pass at Thurman—dressing in a robe and trying to lure her into a steam room—because he’d “misread” her signals.

Okay, but what about the second time, pervert?

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Real Housewives of New York ‘star’ Ramona Singer apparently asked her assistant to bill Bravo for some of her more high-end clothing purchases and would then have the woman return the clothes and give her the refund.

According to a Manhattan lawsuit, Singer “asked [Lisa] Taubes to purchase designer clothes for the filming of Ms. Singer’s show and instructed plaintiff to submit receipts to Bravo cable Network for reimbursement” and “then asked Ms. Taubes to return the clothes for refund.” The suit also claims Singer instructed Taubes to “submit fake receipts for reimbursement on clothes that she already owned and demanded plaintiff carry out these tasks.”

The lawsuit did not say how much money in total Singer made from the alleged scam and, as of now, Singer ain’t talking. But apparently this mess occurred because Singer refused to pay her assistant, who then took the story public.

The allegations against Singer were made by an agency called T360, which provided her with an assistant. Singer initially agreed to pay $4,000 a month for up to 20 hours of assistant time, yet Singer allegedly demanded Taubes work more than 40 hours a week without extra compensation, in violation of their contract. Taubes was also forced to walk Singer’s dog— “outside the scope of the agreement”—and was expected to be on call 24/7 to meet the TV personality’s demands.

The suit seeks more than $150,000 in damages and claims that Singer “humiliated” the woman by firing her in the lobby of her building, and then then trying to force her into signing a non-disclosure agreement and when Taubes refused, Singer ALLEGEDLY pushed her.

Ramona Singer, for her part, is playing dumb, saying:

“I have no knowledge of any lawsuit. Her company did some work for my company. The relationship ended, and her company was paid in full for their services.”

Bravo is also not talking.

Huh, maybe Ramona can go to jail for stealing from Bravo and share a cell with her ‘co-star’ LuAnn Drunken de Lesseps.

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Lotsa folks overdo it on Super Bowl Sunday between the food and the cheering and, apparently, the booze.

Amirite Kevin Hart? Hart, a native of Philadelphia, was beyond excited that the Philadelphia Eagles beat the New England Patriots and so when the Eagles took to the stage to receive the Vince Lombardi trophy, Lil Kev tried to worm his way onstage! But he was dee-nied by a hulking security guard. The clip went viral and Twitter had a field day, as you’d expect.

Hart also crashed an interview by Game Day Prime with Eagles defensive lineman Fletcher Cox to say:

“I’ve been drinking. Philadelphia’s a great city. I thought, I hope this is an example of what we can do. We gave a f–k…ooh. I’m out.” 

He dropped the mic and staggered away.

Now, once you’ve made a fool of yourself dropping an f-bomb on TV or trying to take the stage with the Super Bowl champions, what else can you do? If you’re Lil Kev, you go on Instagram, still obviously drunk, to explain your being drunk:

“To all the kids out there, I just want to say, ‘Don’t drink.’ You know when alcohol is in your system you do dumb stuff. One of the top two stupidest things I’ve ever done, but who cares. The Eagles won the Super Bowl. Yeah I’m still a little tipsy—the world can kiss my ass.” 

Wow, just shows you tiny little egos can’t hold their booze and then they make fools of themselves on national TV.

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Last Summer rumor’s swirled that youngest Kardastrophe Klan member Kylie was pregnant after having gone on one date with Travis Scott. Kylie, for once, kept her mouth shut, and stayed outta sight, but now we know it’s true because there’s a new Kardastrophe spawn that she’s named Stormi.

Kris Jenner must be livid that it’s not a ‘K’ name because there goes a huge chance to brand that child.

But Stormi …where have I heard that name lately? Oh yeah, Stormy Daniels, the Fat Bastard’s porn star mistress. Kylie named her daughter after a porn star who’s been in the news for weeks.

No surprise, though, since her older sister Kim made a name for herself in porn. That’s how That Family rolls.

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Last week, Scott Baio’s Charles in Charge co-star Nicole Eggert accused him on Twitter of molesting her from the ages of 14 to 17 when he was 26. Baio clapped back on Facebook Live, fully denying the allegations, and accused her of seducing him when she turned 18.

Eggert took her tale to Megyn Kelly Today while Baio took his to Good Morning America.  

The first time Eggert brought forth these allegation, years ago, Baio told her to take it to the police; this week she did.

Eggert and her lawyer, Lisa Bloom, along with her former Charles In Charge co-star, Alexander Polinsky, met with detectives from LAPD’s Sexual Assault Section. Eggert spent two hours with detectives, talking about what Baio ALLEGEDLY did to her when she was 14, 15, and 16.

Polinsky was present to back up Eggert’s allegations, and Lisa Bloom came with a list of witnesses who claim to have seen Scott acting inappropriate around Nicole. Since the abuse ALLEGEDLY took place between 1986 and 1990, there’s a chance the statute of limitations has run out, but police are still ALLEGEDLY launching an investigation and are asking

“We’ve been demanding since last year that Nicole Eggert bring her story to the authorities. It’s good that she finally has, even if it’s part of a publicity campaign. Perhaps she can explain to them her ever-changing story.”

The good news is that Baio must put his version of the story on record, the bad news is that police will have to listen to a sanctimonious prick like Scott Baio, and maybe even his wife, who’s a bigger dick than her husband.

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The British royal wedding is still some two months away, and the invitation are heading out but it appears there’s room for only one Ginger Royal during the ceremony and former Ginger Duchess Sarah Ferguson is not that Ginger.

Rumor has it that Hot Prince Ginger Harry doesn’t exactly trust that Fergie 1.0 will keep her mouth shut and so he’s ALLEGEDLY not asking her to attend which should make things awkward at Fergie 1.0’s daughter Princess Eugenie’s fall wedding because Hot Prince Ginger Harry is invited to that soiree.

But is it Harry who banned Fergie? Maybe not; some are saying Harry’s dad and grandpa, Prince Charles and Prince Philip, are the ones who don’t want Fergie at the wedding because they feel she’s tarnished the royal family’s image with her antics, like trying to sell access to her ex-husband Prince Andrew for $750,000 or like marrying Andrew while still carrying on an affair with Camilla Parker Bowles … oh wait, that Prince Hypocrite Chuck. And, if you remember, Fergie didn’t go to Prince William and Duchess Kate’s wedding in 2011 because :::ahem::: she wasn’t invited.

But Harry may have the last word; he says he wants Fergie there and so Fergie will be there …in the seat not saved for Donald _____, I hope.

And, failing that, I’m sure Prince Andrew got an invitation for a Plus-One so there’s always that way in, too.

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Lastly, we talked Kylie Jenner’s new porn star baby, and yet we still have another Kardastrophe spawn in the wings because Khloe is also pregnant. She still has a few months to go, if her Instagram is truthful, because she tagged that photo with the note “29 weeks.”

Seeing that photo, and knowing what Khloe Kardastrophe really looks like, got me wondering if she was carrying the baby really high … like in her lips.

I mean, if you want to change your appearance because you’re unhappy with it, go ahead, but when you change it so drastically that you go from looking like yourself to looking like a $29.99 blow-up doll version of yourself, I wonder …

New Khloe is on the left …as if you needed my help … while Old Khloe is to the right.

Just sayin’.

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