Why Is It ...

… that people keep talking about the flu but the only thing I’m fighting these days is the urge to call out of work every single day.

… that staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

… that no one understand that my posts are not directed at any one person, but if the shoe fits, wear it Cinderella.

… that whenever someone says, “I like your personality,” I always say, “Thanks. I have more.”

… that I don’t dust my house because I believe we come from dust and we return to dust and that dust on my coffee table might be someone I know.

… that no doctor will allow me to get my glasses prescription placed into my windshield.

… that I just realized that the reason Carlos is the perfect  person to gossip to is because he won’t tell anyone what I said since he wasn’t listening in the first place.

… that when people say I’m acting crazy, I have to remind them that I am not acting.

… that I’ve reached the age where I don’t need an alarm clock to wake me up; I have a bladder that does that.

… that I truly think I can generate electricity with how irritated I can get at times.

Back Soon ....

I am back home, and going back to work this week. I won't have to go back to Oregon for a few weeks until I get Death Certificates for the banks and so on, but much of the work can be done at home, but ...

I will take Maddie's advice and take February off this year.

I'll see y'all soon.

I Had A Nice Time ....

I had a nice little break. Since my Friday through Sunday posts can be done ahead of time, I enjoyed the weekend, and then Carlos and I had a boatload of errands to run on Monday and Tuesday, so I extended my weekend a couple of extra days just to putz around, get tings done, and relax.

Saturday was Cup Day here in Camden. Out little town is the Steeplechase Capitol of the World and twice a year we have races in town, though last year, both events were cancelled. When we first moved here, Carlos and I attended the Carolina Cup, the Spring race, because it was something new. Carlos grew up with horses, so I was interested in his take. We walked down to the paddock to see the horses come out before the race and you could see what majestic animals these racers are. Suck gorgeous creatures … until after the race when they return to the paddock drenched in sweat, heads down, often coughing up blood because, as powerful and fast as they are, these animals are not meant to be run that fast, jumping hurdles with a man on their backs. That was our first and last Cup Day. This year we had a leisurely lunch--with Paloma Rosas, a delicioso tequila and grapefruit soda concoction--at Masa Street food.

There was yardwork to be done on Sunday—followed by a pitcher of Bob-a-Ritas on the deck—and blowing leaves off the driveway, trimming several giant holly bushes, and cutting tree branches. And then, because of where we live, all of that had to be hauled away by us on Monday and that was a chore. I think we made about ten trips to the Recycling Center with our yard debris. I ended the day sipping cock-a-tales and wondering about hiring a yard service. An acre piece of property with all the trees and shrubs and fencing and so on, can be a lot of work, even for the two of us.

On Monday Carlos was once again back at rehearsals with the Camden Community Band for the first time in over a year, and man he was excited. Almost as excited as me! I had a nice evening home alone for a change, doing the little things I like to do which mostly amounted to doing nothing but sitting still and relaxing. I loves me some Carlos, but I also love time to myself and this past year has seen little to none of that, so it was a welcome, pleasant, strange feeling.

Tuesday was Errand Day since I wasn’t working, trying to get all the little things done; banking, stopping at the vet to get Tuxedo’s special diet food for his kidneys; and that’s a nice chore because everyone at the vet’s office asked about Tuxedo and how he's doing. That was followed by a stop at Lowes for leaf bags—the de-leafing never seems to end at Casa Bob y Carlos from the literally hundreds of trees on our property—a new sprinkler for the back lawn which has recently been reseeded. There was banking, and a quick stop at the Mulberry Bake Shop owned by our friends Peter and Fran, who are set to retire next month. So we stocked up on Cranberry Pistachio scones and Jalapeno Cheddar bread, and chatting with Peter.

So, I took a couple of days off, basically to get some chores dine and recharge and relax and refresh; nothing bad, and nothing sad, but now I have stuff to say.

Stay tuned …

Okay, So I Lied ...

It appears I'm gonna need one more day and then I will be back because I have lots to say about stuff ...

I Got ...

 It's one of those times when life gets in the way and so, for today, I got zip, zero, zilch, nada.  Nothing bad, nothing sad, just ... nothing.

See y'all tomorrow.

A Not-So-Random Musing

I talk about a lot of things on this here blog; I go political and snarky, and some say mean, and gossipy and cartoon-y; pop culture, hot men, TV ... I talk. A lot.

And I talk about personal stuff, too, but not really that much because I do tend to think I like to keep some private stuff private. I have talked about my family, sometimes plainly, as with my sister’s cancer, and my mother’s cancer; and sometimes obliquely with veiled references to what life was like for me.

I joke about Carlos and the fun we have; I talked about meeting, moving, living, loving and, yes, finally, marrying him; I don’t talk about the tough times, been though they exist, because I don’t like to dwell on them.

Until today; because, I think, if you let someone in on what might be considered a secret, maybe you can help them, or they can help you, or you can inch just a little closer by sharing. So, here goes ...

Carlos has Retinitis Pigmentosa, or RP, which is a group of inherited diseases that cause retinal degeneration. What it means is that he is losing his field of vision ... that little photo over there explains it better, though his vision is still better than that worst example. A woman we met recently explained it like this: to a sighted person, take a straw, hold it up to your eye and look through it; that’s what people with RP see.

He’s known about this for years—he was first diagnosed back in 2006 in Florida—and has studied and researched and contacted doctors all around the world to see what, if anything, can be done.

Sadly, for now, nothing can be done. There are drug trials and experimental surgeries, even acupuncture, but nothing seems to slow the progress or cure RP. So we deal. For Carlos, that means a steady decline in his vision for the last decade and he will, someday, unless there’s a cure, go blind.

There I said; and I cried a little because it’s hard for him, for us.

About two years ago, it became clear that Carlos could no longer drive at night because his night vision was growing worse; no big deal, I’ll drive. I think I’m a better driver anyway so, who cares?

Then, in February, while I was home one morning getting ready for work, Carlos, who had already left the house, called to tell me that he’d hit a curb alongside the road; in addition to his eyesight being affected by dim or dark lighting, it’s equally affected by bright sunlight.

So, he was done driving period. He was able to get the car back home and since that day, I drive him to work, then go to work myself, and pick him up at the end of the day. And, again, I don’t mind because I’m a better driver and because I’d do anything for him.

Including the fights.

Shortly after he stopped driving at all, a friend of mine opened a new restaurant in a nearby town, and one Saturday night we decided to drive over and try it out. Now, being rural South Carolina, the drive was on two-lane twisty country roads, but, again, I was driving so, you know, it was all good.

At the restaurant, I ordered a glass of wine and Carlos asked for scotch; Carlos drinks scotch when he’s nervous or worried or frightened and I asked why he was drinking it that night and he said, “No reason.”

I should have known better; during dinner, our friend came over and thanked us for coming by, and Carlos was quiet and really kind of sullen, which annoyed me. After dinner, we ordered dessert and when the server came by and asked how Carlos liked his dessert, he said, “I’ve had better.”

I shifted to pissed off, because it was rude, considering he’d eaten every single bite of the dessert; it wasn’t bad, he was just in a mood. We paid the bill and went to the bar for an after dinner drink and that’s when he told me he was wound up because of the ride over; although a passenger, he couldn’t see the road, and with the twists and turns, and the road being so dark, the trip over left him really upset.

So I started to talk about how we needed to do things, he needs to tell me these things, and how we, and he, need to adjust, and at one point I said, “This is the last thing I’m gonna say ...”

And he said, “Good.”

And so that set off a fight; a fight saved for the next day because I’m the kind of person that if you piss me off, you’ll have a fight on your hands—verbally, of course; but, if you hurt my feelings—like saying “Good”—I don’t know how to react to that; I don’t get mad, I get hurt. And quiet.

So, we had a silent night. The next morning, though, we hashed it out and I told him that I was just trying to help, to offer a suggestion, to have dialogue about what was happening. And I was right; and I was wrong.

Carlos was upset at the trip; he was upset that I had to help him walk along the dark sidewalk to the restaurant, steering clear of trees or steps or any obstacle that he may not see; his anger at me telling him what he needs to do was because of his own fear of losing control; and losing the ability to drive is a huge loss. I mean, think about having to rely on someone to take you everywhere.

So, as we do, we hashed it out and were good, or at least on our way back to it. In fact, the same day we talked it out, we’d been invited to a meet-and-greet with the South Carolina chapter of the Foundation Fighting Blindness at a restaurant in Columbia.

I was still hurt, and kinda angry because sometimes those feelings don’t dissipate so easily, but we went; and during the meeting, Carlos was asked to kind of share his story, and he told it. But he also told the story of the night before and getting angry at the ride, and angry at having to be helped down the street; and angry at me because I was talking too much.

And he started to cry because, as he said, the last thing he’d ever do was hurt me; or me, him.

So, we muddled through it; I told him he just needs to tell me things and I need to listen; and he needs to listen. I joked—because that’s what I do—when he said that someday he’d need a seeing-eye dog and said, “Why? You have me ... a Seeing Eye Bob.”

I joked that he could get a miners hat so he could see better at night; and we laughed about that. And then came another little spat.

At Casa Bob y Carlos, we have a rule: I take care of what goes into the cats and he takes of what comes out ... as in litter boxes and hair balls.

The other night I nearly stumbled upon a hairball and called for Carlos; he came to clean it up, and got most of it but missed some. As I told him where it was, he became angry and got snappy because he thought I was making fun of his RP, or taking his lack of sight lightly.

So we had another ... discussion; quickly begun and quickly ended.

But, as it happened, that same weekend we had another get together with the Foundation Fighting Blindness and the guest speaker was a man who is nearly completely blind, and a member of the board of the South Carolina Commission for the Blind.

He was very interesting; telling his story—he’d begun losing his sight nearly fifty years ago as a child—and informative: did you know that it’s perfectly legal in  this country to pay blind workers less than minimum wage? The Fair Labor Standards Act passed in 1938, allows employers to obtain special minimum wage certificates from the Department of Labor which give them the right to pay disabled workers according to their abilities, with no bottom limit to the wage.

Seriously. In  America. But that’s another fight for another day.

But, we also learned that losing one’s sight is the third most feared diagnosis a person can receive, after cancer and HIV/AIDS. It goes back to that whole “losing control” issue. And the speaker told us that one handles the loss of sight the same way one might handle a cancer diagnosis, with the Five Stages of Grief, or DABDA—Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.

He talked about the anger phase, where the person losing sight is so angry at the loss of vision that they take it out on those around them. Well, now, doesn’t that make sense; Carlos and I both had light-bulb moments.

It makes perfect sense, and now that we both know, we can understand it and handle it better; and joke about it.

As I told him in the car on the way home, “The next time you yell at me, I’ll remind you that you are stuck in Phase Two.”

Anyway ... that’s the Random, or Not-So-Random, Musing for the day,  There are so many people in the country going through issues with their sight—RP, Macular Degeneration and more—and I think it helps to know that you aren’t alone.

And that people will listen.

Thanks for that.

Random Musings

It's keeping on ... four more democrats have come out for equality!

#51: Bill Nelson, Democratic Senator from Florida:

"If we are endowed by our Creator with rights, then why shouldn't those be attainable by Gays and Lesbians? Simply put, if The Lord made homosexuals as well as heterosexuals, why should I discriminate against their civil marriage? I shouldn't, and I won't."

#52: Heidi Heitkamp, Democratic Senator from North Dakota:

"I have concluded the federal government should no longer discriminate against people who want to make lifelong, loving commitments to each other or interfere in personal, private, and intimate relationships. I view the ability of anyone to marry as a logical extension of this belief. The makeup of families is changing, but the importance of family is enduring."

#53: Joe Donnelly, Democratic Senator from Indiana:

"I oppose amending either Indiana’s or our nation’s constitution to enshrine in those documents an ‘us’ and a ‘them,’ instead of a ‘we.’ With the recent Supreme Court arguments and accompanying public discussion of same-sex marriage, I have been thinking about my past positions and votes. In doing so, I have concluded that the right thing to do is to support marriage equality for all."

#54: Tim Johnson, Democratic Senator from South Dakota:

"After lengthy consideration, my views have evolved sufficiently to support marriage equality legislation. This position doesn't require any religious denomination to alter any of its tenets; it simply forbids government from discrimination regarding who can marry whom."

That leaves Senator Joe Manchin of West Virginia and Senator Mary Landrieu of Louisiana as the only Democrats not endorsing marriage equality. Manchin reaffirmed his opposition last week and Landrieu says she supports same-sex marriage but won’t endorse it because her constituents do not.

Around here folks don't call it Walmart, they call it The Walmart. However, I call it The Place To Avoid At All Costs Because They Treat Their Employees Like Crap And Everything They Sell Is Made In China. It's long-winded, yes, but you get the idea. 

But that picture is a funny reason I don't shop at that place. Someone bought loads of those shirts to sell and not one person in the corporation thought it might be slightly off? Proves that no gays work at The Walmart.

h/t to BosGuy for the photo.

Look! Here's a Democrat whose against marriage equality; what a rare and stupid breed.

Arkansas Senator Mark Pryor:

“I am opposed to gay marriage ... I also discussed whether gay couples should receive benefits if they work for the federal government. On the benefits issue, I said to ‘put me down in the undecided category.’  By that I meant that, depending on what the U.S. Supreme Court decides, I will evaluate whether federal benefits should be available to gay couples. Of course, I will consider the impact any extension of benefits would have on the federal budget.”

Ass.Hat.

Then we have Utah Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, who thinks Civil Unions are the answer:

"I’ll say this, I do believe this could be solved greatly by a civil-union law that would give gay people the same rights as married people. I think we can solve this problem without undermining the very basis of marital law in our country."

But then you have a very clear case of Separate But Equal; all the same rights, but let’s call it something different. No.

After tiny Bisbee City in Arizona approved Civil unions for same-sex couples, it looks like a larger Arizona city might follow suit.

The Tempe City Council will be getting legal advice on civil unions. Councilman Kolby Granville requested the executive-session discussion and plans to ask for council action on civil unions in coming weeks. Granville says it’s an issue of civil rights and that civil unions would be the next best thing to same-sex marriage. Well, it's the less than next best thing.

In the case of Bisbee City, though, Arizona Attorney General Tom Horne will be taking the case to court to block Bisbee’s new ordinance because he said the town council acted outside its legal authority because state laws control things such as community property.

The Oklahoma House approved, by a vote of 84-0, a resolution reaffirming marriage as between one man and one woman, and also reaffirming Oklahoma’s support of DOMA, which prohibits recognition of same-sex marriages.

Not such big news considering that it’s Oklahoma, but what was surprising was that all 29 House Democrats, including House Democratic Leader Scott Inman and openly gay Congressman Kay Floyd, walked out of the chamber in protest instead of voting.

The resolution doesn't carry the weight of law, and is just intended as a message to the Supreme Court, which recently heard arguments in cases concerning same-sex marriage. It now heads to the state Senate.

Here’s a message from me Oklahoma Republicans: Bugger off.

So, Margaret Thatcher died this week and there was praise for her, and there was also rejoicing in her passing; Thatcher was nothing, if not divisive. But, on a funny note, when the story broke of her death on Twitter folks began Tweeting and Hash-tagging about it like this:

#nowthatchersdead

I see it. But, without the use of spacing--which cannot be used in a proper hashtag, y'all--and without the use of any capital letters, many people read the hashtag like this:

#now that chers dead

And Twitter went cray-cray.

Silly Tweeters, if Cher had actually did, and you know she never will, Twitter would have literally exploded.

On the marriage front: interior designer Nate Berkus and former Rachel Zoe assistant Jeremiah Brent are engaged. They have been dating about 9 months and Berkus proposed atop Machu Picchu in Peru.

Also getting married are musician, songwriter and record producer Linda Perry and actress and The Talk host, Sara Gilbert, who told of the engagement on TV this week:

"We go to a park, we have food and we're eating it, it's really sweet and there's this guy sitting playing guitar, like a street musician ... He starts playing this song that we love. I'm like, 'Oh, that's so weird, this is so magical and amazing.' ... Suddenly the people picnicking next to us pull out string instruments from under the blanket and walk over and they start playing 'Love Song'."

Perry then popped the question, spelled out on five different t-shirts, before pulling out an engagement ring.

Congratulations to both couples, and let’s hope this starts a trend of congratulating same-sex couples all across the country.

I recently found out that, when commenting on other blogs that have the captcha, that I don’t need to put in the numbers—which are sometimes impossible to read—but I can get by with just typing the letters. Am I the first to find this out, or the last?

This just in: Uruguay gave final approval to marriage equality when its House voted 71-21 to pass the bill. President José Mujica says he intends to sign it.

Uruguay now joins The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Canada, South Africa, Norway, Sweden, Portugal, Iceland, Argentina, and Denmark as the 12th nation to offer its citizens nationwide marriage equality.

Brazil, Mexico, and the U.S. offer it in parts of the country. Funny, how all these other countries can so easily adopt and adapt to marriage equality across their entire land, yet here in the ‘progressive’ US we stutter and stammer along.

Ah, the GOP, in the weeks and months after losing the White House again began spewing nonsense about rebranding the party, becoming more inclusive.

Yeah, not so much. See, this weekend the Republican National Committee will be meeting to discuss their goals and aspirations for the future, and one of those discussions is to vote that marriage always and ever be a One Man and One Woman deal.

Rebranding themselves as the same old losers. Not so smart.

When Turtle, er, Mitch McConnell learned that actress Ashley Judd might run against him for his seat in Congress, he got his big boy pants all in a twist and vowed to spend every dime he had to defeat her. But, since he is Turtle, er, Mitchy, he decided to play as unfair as possible.

Some secret recordings of meetings between McConnell and his strategists reveal that they had planned—and I say planned because Ashley Judd recently announced that she would not run for office—to destroy Ashley Judd by playing her up as mentally ill.

Nice. Don’t run on the issues, Mitchy, run on rumor. But, now that the tapes have been released and people are all up in arms about McConnell’s underhanded ways, is he trying to back-pedal and apologize?

Of course not, Mitchy is complaining that he’s the victim because he was recorded being a dick and no one told him.

That’s because Ya ‘are a dick, Mitch. Ya ’are a dick.

The Montana House is moving forward with a measure to repeal an obsolete state law that criminalizes gay sex, despite a committee's decision to table it.

Openly gay Congressman Bryce Bennett [that's him up there] made the motion to take Senate Bill 107 out of the House Judiciary Committee and place it on the agenda for a House vote. Bennett says the law emphasizes inequality and pointed to the 1997 Montana Supreme Court case that ruled the language criminalizing gay sex was unconstitutional.

"Under this law, I am considered a felon," Bennett said. "I am not your equal."

Yeah, in Montana being gay and having consensual sex makes you a criminal. And, in the eyes of the Fear-Baiting GOP, legalizing gay sex would lead to societal degradation and gay sex being taught in schools' sex education classes; like this: Insert Tab A into Slot B. Or something. Grow up.

UPDATE: the vote is in, and gay sex is no longer a crime in Montana! The vote was 64-36, with 25 Republicans crossing the aisle to vote with all 39 Democrats!

UPDATE: Ben Carson is out. No, not the closet, silly, though that wouldn’t be a surprise given how virulently homophobic he is. No, Dr. Ben has stepped down as this year's Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine commencement speaker because he didn’t want to “distract from the celebratory nature of the day."

Funny how he voluntarily withdraws and makes it look like his decision when many at the school students and staff, wanted him uninvited long ago.

Take a seat Dr. Ben you’re no longer needed.

I am loving Nashville because I loves me some Connie Britton and I loves me some hot men singing to me. Chris Carmack--wearing a lot of tight t-shirts--and hot Latino Jay Hernandez just joined the show, and look good with Sam Palladio and Charles Esten.

TWEET OF THE WEEK: