It's Snarkurday!

Mo’Nique has been out and about bashing Netflix because they offered her a measly $50,000 for a comedy special after offering Amy Schumer millions; to be fair, Amy sold out Madison Square Garden twice and had a hit movie in 2017 and Mo’Nique ……. Crickets.

This week she took her Cheese’n’Whine act to The View and one Whoopi Goldberg was not having it. When Joy Behar asked Mo’ to elaborate on her current status in Hollywood, she claimed to have been experiencing a backlash since starring in Precious:

“Eight years ago, I did a movie called Precious. On that film I received $50,000. That was not my argument, nor my fight because that’s what I signed up for. My deal was with a man named Lee Daniels. I did all of my contractual obligations and I was done. Then I started getting phone calls from Lee Daniels, Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey. They wanted me to come work for free. To go over to Cannes and promote this film internationally. I said to them, ‘Guys, my deal is with Lee Daniels and I’ve done my job.’ And they all agreed.”

Mo’Nique then tried to suggest that being asked to go to Cannes was somehow akin to being sexually harassed or assaulted:

“This is what happens, in my humble opinion, when you don’t go up to the hotel room.”

Seriously, she thinks a studio wanting you to promote a movie is the same as actresses getting assaulted in hotel rooms. And that’s when Whoopi had enough:

“I’m going to stop you, because contractually, when you make a movie, regardless of who you sign the deal with, your job is to go and promote said movie. So, when they wanted you to come — and we’ve had this conversation. I told you, ‘If you had called me, I could have schooled you on what was expected.’”

And Mo’Nique tried to explain, again:

“Now when I make this statement, ‘This is what happens when you don’t go to the room,’ what Tyler Perry showed me, Lee Daniels, Oprah Winfrey and Lionsgate, is when you don’t do what we ask you to do, we’ll take your livelihood. So, for eight years, my family has suffered, and my career has suffered because what I would not allow those entities to do was bully me. And because I didn’t allow the bullying to happen, this is now what I sit in.”

Seriously, you were asked to go promote a movie, as Whoopi said was part of your obligation, but because they didn’t throw more coins at you, you claim it’s a #MeToo moment?

Gurl bye.

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You may remember Veronica Morales who own an event planning company called Blue Ivy and has been sued, and is suing, Beyoncé because Beyoncé named her baby Blue Ivy and only Beyoncé can market a child for coins even though Veronica came up with that name way before Blue Ivy Carter was born.

Beyoncé is adamant about owning the trademark so she can begin selling merchandise under that name, but Veronica has long opposed the trademark filing and tried to settle with Bey.

And now she has revealed how she wants it settled … Morales wants Beyoncé to buy her business and the “Blue Ivy” trademark and then the two women could work together. And Morales will allow this to happen for $10 million.

Except Beyoncé doesn’t share coins with anyone whose name isn’t Knowles or Carter, so she said Oh hell no!

And now she and her legal team want all the evidence of Morales deal pitch, including her Power Point™ presentation because they say this was her plan all along … to sell her business for coins rather than close it because an egomaniacal pop tart wants control over a couple of words.

I am so Team Morales. Well, I am actually Team AnybodyButBeyonce.

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Last October, Ewan McGregor left his wife of 22 years, Eve Mavrakis, after having an affair with his Fargo costar Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Now, some say Ewan and Eve had sort of an open marriage though they never confirmed as much, but there were long-standing rumors of his affairs with multiple female costars over the years. But he always went back to Eve.

Until Winstead; until he filed for divorce; until he moved in with Winstead. Until that might be over, because ALLEGEDLY Mary Elizabeth Winstead is tired of being called a “homewrecker” and may have ended the affair.

I thought she might have ended it when Ewan won a Golden Globe earlier this year and, in his speech, thanked his wife and his mistress.

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Okay, Kevin Federline, the ex-mister Britney Spears, used to be The Joke … until Britney went Umbrella Bald Crazy and suddenly she became the joke, but …let us not forget that since K-Fed and Brit divorced, and Britney’s father became her conservator, he has had primary custody of their two sons and can decide how much time Britney spends with their sons; and he’s been pretty fair, from what they say, but …now K-Fed wants more coins after Brit’s successful Las Vegas residency, which has grossed some $137 million. And so K-Fed’s lawyer sent a letter to Spears’ team asking for an increase of the more than $20,000 a month he gets now … more than the $700 a day he gets now.

Both parties are hoping to reach an amicable agreement without having to go to court, though if they do it will be K-Fed and Papa Spears facing off because, sadly, legally, Brit has no standing with either money or her kids.

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Poor Heather Locklear … she has another mugshot to add to her I’m Trying To Beat Lohan In The Mugshot Sweepstakes collection. That's the old one on the left, and the newest one is to the right.

Her last mugshot came last year after she drove her Porsche into a ditch in Thousand Oaks and was found to be more than a little drunk’n’high. But this time the mugshot is because she was arrested at her home for ALLEGEDLY beating up her boyfriend, Chris Heisser, and then attacking a police officer.

Shades of LuAnn de Lesseps!

Apparently, Heather’s brother, Mark, showed up at her house in time to see the main attraction of his sister pummeling her boyfriend, and calling 911.  When police arrived, they saw a “visible mark” on Heisser, so they tried to arrest her, but Locklear wasn’t going down without another fight; she began flailing around and kicking at least three deputies who eventually put her into handcuffs and took her to a hospital for “evaluation.” She’s been charged with felony domestic violence and 3 counts of misdemeanor battery on emergency personnel.

Heather has been arrested for DUI before, and last year, she went to rehab for the fifth time for her addiction to booze and pills. In 2012, she was accused of punching then-boyfriend Jack Wagner in the face during a fight where they both got violent on each other.

Cue the next I’m going to rehab statement.

And, to make it even more interesting, a few hours after Heather’s arrest for beating him up, Chris Heisser was arrested for DUI on the 101 freeway.

Oh, they sound fun!

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And keeping with the Old School Melrose Place gossip, it looks like Jamie Lunar, who played Lexi on the show, may have sexually abused a minor back in the day.

A thirty-something man has filed a sexual misconduct report with the LAPD claiming that when he was 16 years old in 1998, Jamie Luner, 27 at the time, performed oral sex on him.

To be fair, there are no details on where it happened or if the man was a teen actor at the time, and while the police are investigating, it’s unlikely that they’ll file charges against since the statute of limitations is up.

Still, Melrose Place off-screen must have been as wild as Melrose Place on-screen.

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They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you a cloned version of your dead dog if you’re Barbra Streisand.

Last year, Bab’s beloved 14-year-old Sammie Streisand went … to live on a farm where he could run free. I mean, at least I think that’s where he went, my parents always told me when our pets suddenly disappeared, that they were living on a farm somewhere, so maybe Sammie’s there, too.

Anyway, in a recent Variety story, Streisand claimed that she has Sammie cloned after taking cells from her stomach and mouth—the dog’s, not Bab’s—before Sammie passed. And so now, Bab’s has three Coton du Tulears: Miss Fanny, a distant cousin of Sammie’s, and Miss Violet and Miss Scarlett, who are clones of the dead dog:

“They have different personalities. I’m waiting for them to get older so I can see if they have her [Samantha’s] brown eyes and seriousness.”

Luckily Bab’s is made of cash because it costs upwards of $50,000 to clone one dog.

I wonder what might happen if Streisand’s husband, James Brolin, goes to live on a farm one day; I mean, if Bab’s stays true to form there might be a couple of Brolin Clones walking about Malibu, and if she’s cool with it, I’ll take one.

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Last fall, Ryan Seacrest tried to get ahead of a #MeToo story wherein a former stylist had filed an ALLEGED sexual harassment complaint by apologizing while dubbing the ALLEGATIONS “reckless.” The E! channel then launched an internal investigation and concluded there was “insufficient evidence” to support the ALLEGATIONS against Seacrest.

That seemed to end the story until this week when the female … I was shocked, too … accuser stepped up to share the details.

Suzie Hardy worked as Seacrest’s stylist on E! News from 2007 to 2013 after his personal assistant found her; that same assistant then hinted that Seacrest was hard for Hardy and that’s when she ALLEGES that Seacrest started asking to help him all the time, even when she wasn’t needed; like the time he summoned her to his home to tie a tie for him. Then, while getting Seacrest ready for the 2007/2008 New Year’s Rocking Eve special, he ALLEGEDLY asked Hardy to take a nap with him.

Seriously? Naps and hugs? Was she his stylist or his Nana? But eventually, things got physical.  Hardy ALLEGES that in 2007, Ryan, wearing only his underwear … Underoos™? … wrapped her in a bear hug, something she claims he did quite often whilst wearing just his boy briefs. Hardy also claims Seacrest confronted her once and said:

“I just don’t think you’re attracted to me.”

And she replied:

“I’m attracted to my paycheck.”

In 2008, Seacrest ALLEGEDLY walked up behind Hardy, slipped his hand onto her crotch, and asked if she was going to sue him; she replied she wouldn’t if she remained employed.

That seems odd, but in addition to Hardy stepping forward, a former co-worker also claims to have seen evidence of Seacrest’s misbehavior. He says he saw Seacrest trip Hardy many times, and once saw him ALLEGEDLY push her head into his crotch while she tied his shoes. The co-worker also claims to have seen Seacrest, again in his underwear, rub his erect penis against Hardy after pushing her onto a hotel bed while preparing for the 2009 Oscars. He only stopping after that co-worker yelled at him to stop. Lastly, Hardy says that when she began dating a high-powered attorney, Seacrest ALLEGEDLY asked if she had “fucked him” yet while grabbing at her crotch.

In 2013, Human Resources from E! approached Hardy about relationship with Ryan and she swore there was nothing physical between the two, but that he had been inappropriate with her many times; two weeks later she was fired.

E! has released a statement saying that any claims questioning the legitimacy of their investigation are “baseless” and then Seacrest’s attorney went after Hardy, accusing her of lying and using the story to get $15 million from Seacrest.

Look, if Ryan Seacrest, wearing his Garanimal™ tried to rub a hard penis against me, I’d want $15 million and a Silkwood Scrubdown.

I need a bath just writing this …

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Someone should be careful about dogging anyone else’s films after starring in the misfire mother and playing a cartoon version of a cartoon Russian spy in Red Sparrow.

Amirite Jennifer Lawrence?

While out promoting her next disaster film—not to be confused with films about disasters—Lawrence appeared on Marc Maron’s WTF to dump all over Phantom Thread. JLaw loves couture fashion, but not films about couture fashion, I’m guessing. She says she tried to watch Phantom Thread but couldn’t make it past the first three minutes:

“I got through about three minutes of it. I put in a good solid three. I’m sorry to anybody who loved that movie. I couldn’t give that kind of time. It was three minutes and I was just [oof].”

Funny, I sat through a four-minute trailer for Red Sparrow before I said ‘oof’ and marked another minute off of Jennifer Lawqrence’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame.

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Tuesday thought #3

It's Snarkurday!

I guess when you TV show goes off the air you have to decide what to do with your life and in the case of former Glee co-star, and Lea Michele frenemy, Naya Rivera, the choice was to be a husband beater.

Rivera was arrested and charged with domestic battery this week in West Virginia after her husband, Ryan Dorsey says she started slapping him around while they were taking their two-year-old son Josey for a walk. I can see that memory ingrained in the child’s head: I saw Mommy beat the crap outta Daddy on an evening stroll.

Anyway, police were called and when they arrived on scene Ryan told them that Naya had “struck him in the head and the bottom lip” during their family outing. He even produced a cell phone video of the assault.

Naya was arraigned, her bond was set at $1000, and then Ryan’s Daddy came and picked her up from jail. Well, it is West Virginia, so it doesn’t get a lot more hillbilly. And who knew, after Glee, that Naya’s next film appearance would be grainy cell phone video of her beating up her husband?

Lea Michele, that’s who.

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There was big news in the HGTV world earlier this year when the Shiplap King and Queen, Chip and Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper fame, announced that this would be the last season of their hit show because they were going to take a breather and spend more time with their family.

Rumors swirled of trouble in the marriage, trouble at home, trouble at The Silos—you’d know if you watched—but maybe it’s not trouble it’s just that they angling for more coins.

It now appears that Chip and Joanna were quitting HGTV until Discovery could buy Scripps—HGTV’s parent company—and then Discovery would open up the wallet and coins would rain down on the Gaines’. See, Chipper and JoJo had ALLEGEDLY been battling with HGTV for a while about how they would only “fixer upper” if the new version of the home was full of their Magnolia merch. HGTV wasn’t keen on it, and the Gaines’ walked … 

Until Discovery scoops up the show and then they’ll be back with more shiplap, more metal letters on the wall and more money in their bank account.

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Oh Ivana Ivana Ivana. Every time she does an interview you wonder what she’ll say; sure, since her ex became the Fat Bastard she walked back those ALLEGATIONS that he once raped her, but she does like to throw shade at the third Missus Fat Bastard. And she drags Donny and Mellie every chance she gets, like a few months ago when she called herself the real First Lady and Melania’s face nearly cracked in two.

Ivana recently appeared on the Irish talk show The Ray D’Arcy Show and couldn’t resist the opportunity to remind us all that she is The First Wife and Baby Mama. Then Ray, who knows when to strike, asked Ivana about that whole “First Lady” snark and he asked Ivana how Melania is doing as First Lady:

“I thinks she's trying her best.”

Maybe that explains why Melania decorated the White House for Christmas with a Hall of Horrors and a witch’s cauldron in the East Room where she’s learning how to drown a Voo Doo doll of Ivana.

And least “I thinks’ so.

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Halle Berry recently broke up another of her marriages with French actor Olivier Martinez and declared that she would be single for a while and taking some Me Time. And she did, for a hot second; she spent some time in India on a spiritual retreat. But when Thanksgiving rolled around and Halle took off for Bora Bora, she didn’t go it alone, and she didn’t go with her children. She went with 35-year-old music producer Alex da Kid.

To be fair, Halle announced she had a new boyfriend via Instagram in September, but that was just a couple of weeks after she gave an interview to People where she said she was on a dating hiatus and wanted a “minute to be with myself.” 

Minute was right.

And I imagine Halle will be getting married again real soon and then getting divorced real soon after that and taking another minute.

PS Is it just me or does Halle look like she’s being taken hostage by her new beau in that photo?

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Don’t mess with Beyoncé. And don’t call your company Feyoncé Inc. because Bey will slap a lawsuit down on you so hard you’ll feel like you were Jay Z and you’d just been caught cheating again … or found yourself in an elevator with Solange.

Feyoncé produced a line of engagement-themed mugs and shirts featuring the word “feyoncé” in Beyoncé’s preferred typeface—one that, apparently, no one else on the planet is allowed to use—and Beyoncé sued faster that you can say I wanted that Grammy they gave to Adele.

Now Beyoncé doesn’t have a trademark on the word feyoncé, so she had her lawyers claim it’s a blatant allusion to her song “Single Ladies” … huh, what, huh … and Feyoncé Inc. responded by saying their website doesn’t mention Beyoncé, and they don’t market themselves as having any association with her … well, except for, you know, selling mugs that say “He put a ring on it” under a word that looks suspiciously like Beyoncé’s name.

But, as for their name, Feyoncé claims it’s simply a phonetic way of spelling “fiancé” and they are calling Queen Bey a “bully” who feels her famous name entitles her to take pennies from their pockets. Feyoncé Inc. also argued that no one would ever confuse Beyoncé’s expensive merchandise with their, ahem, cheaper goods:

“Beyoncé products consist of expensive products with sophisticated consumers. This factor weighs against a likelihood of confusion because the customers are highly sophisticated and would exercise heightened care before purchasing the goods of defendants.”

Wow; they dog Beyoncé by misappropriating her font and misappropriating a line from one of her songs—a line no one else in the history of the world has ever uttered—and they dog their own clients as cheap.

I’m loving it.

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So Mariah Carey dated billionaire James Packer for about nine months—in fact, she was engaged to the man—until it all fell apart one night when he saw her eating a chicken, bones and all.

Well, maybe not, but still … Mariah felt she deserved some coins for her time spent as Packer’s fiancé, not to be confused with feyoncé, and  she sued him for the breakup.

Yes, she did. She first asked for fifty million dollars because she moved to LA to be near him and she doesn’t do LA., and this week a settlement was reached: Mimi gets to keep the million dollar ring and Packer is paying her somewhere between $5 and $10 million dollars in settlement for a marriage that never happened.

Even on the lower end of the settlement—the five mil—Mariah made about $1800 a day for the duration of their relationship which finally proves my point that Mariah Carey is the highest paid hooker on the planet.

I cannot wait for the say she breaks up with backup dancer Bryan Tanaka and sues him for a bag of Doritos. And wins.

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This was the week of morning show dudes accused, and fired, for sexual harassment. We started with Charlie Rose and then switched almost gleefully into smug Matt Lauer.

CBS and NBC down; who’s the perv at ABC?

Apparently Matty sexually assaulted a female staffer during the Sochi Olympic Games in 2014; he apparently thought luge meant lewd, and the ski jump was ski hump. But, after all the recent developments, the woman went to NBC HR with her story, which was enough to kick Lauer’s ass to the curb, but presented them with other evidence of his behavior toward other women.

But, before we all say Good for NBC maybe think that the network was just trying to save face and get ahead of the news that was coming since, ALLEGEDLY, CNN, The New York Times and Variety had stories pending about Lauer.

Which, and this is where I get pissed, a lot of people knew or suspected that Matty was showing off Little Matty to female staffers—after locking them in his office with a button hidden under his desk—and making lewd comments while on camera and wearing a live mic.

Seriously, several years ago Lauer was caught, on camera, ogling a female on the set and saying, “I love that sweater, Bend over some more.”

So clearly NBC knew their perv was Lauer, but since Middle America liked him why not let some women fall victim to his lewd comments and sex toy giftage.

Sorry, Matt, not sorry. I hope you never work again.

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Oh JLaw, you’re a big star now, though your last couple of films have bombed … careful on the way down … and yet you still don’t know who pays your bills.

We The Public.

Apparently Jennifer Lawrence has admitted to being a bitch to fans because, you know, she cannot be bothered to smile, say hello, listen to a compliment, or pause for a selfie, and will do whatever it takes to avoid that, like …

“Once I enter a public place, I become incredibly rude. I turn into a huge asshole. That’s kind of like my only way of defending myself, is just being like, an asshole. Like, see somebody walking towards my table, and just go [wags finger no], or like ‘Can I have a selfie?’ and I’m like ‘No!’ That’s like my only defense.”

True, JLaw doesn’t always act the rude bitch; sometimes, after she shrieks “NO PHOTOS.’ She mutters something about it being her day off.

But, and this is where she doesn’t get it: those people asking for an autograph, or saying Hello, or wanting a picture, are the people who buys tickets to see her movies, and when acts all C U Next Tuesday to her fans, she’s only cutting off her nose to spite her face because once she’s pissed off enough fans, er, former, fans, she’ll be back at The Gap folding t-shirts and begging Selena Gomez for a photo.

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It's Snarkurday!

I always like how Jennifer Lawrence tries to play herself off as just a Regular Jen.

See her fall down at the Oscars! Watch her barf on a red carpet! Hear her talk about farting! Watch her have an entire boutique in New York City shut down so she could shop!

Wait … what? Yup, JLaw went into Alexander Wang’s shop in Soho last week and had the store shut down for an hour — customers, regular folk, you know, were turned away — so she could browse without the riff-raff getting too close.

Regular Jen? Not so much.

Sean Hayes plays God in “An Act of God,” now playing in LA, and he’s taking the role to heart, even if it means calling out Candy Spelling for being late to the theater.

On opening night, the late Candy Spelling tried to slip into her seat unnoticed when God, er, Sean Hayes said, from the stage:

“I am the Lord ... but I’ll wait.”

Yes, even God waits for Candy Spelling to find a seat.

Jared Leto is one of those “method Actors” who has to live the role while he plays the role … as he did while playing The Joker in the upcoming Suicide Squad.

He opted to send out Welcome To The Production Gifts to the cast … like bullets for Will Smith — to possibly send out to Oscar voters next year if he’s snubbed again — and a live rat he sent to Margot Robie. Leto even sent a special gift to Viola Davis:

“The Joker – he did some bad things, Jared Leto did. He gave some really horrific gifts. He had a henchman who’d come into the rehearsal room, and the henchman came in with a dead pig, and plopped it on the table. And then he walked out. And that was our introduction into Jared Leto.”

Yup, Viola got a dead pig from Jared Leto. So what? Was FTD closed that day?

So, Rihanna bailed on the Grammys and now she’s bailing on her tour?

Well, it’s happening, but now where and how it was supposed to happen. It was ALLEGEDLY set to start this week in San Diego, but it’s been moved to March 12 … in Jacksonville, Florida. But San Diego isn’t the only city Rihanna is screwing; shows in Oakland, San Jose, Houston, Austin, Dallas, Atlanta, Phoenix, and New Orleans have been rescheduled for May because of … “production delays.”

Maybe the Weed Truck is delayed?

But it’s worse in England where Rihanna has simply canceled two shows in Sunderland and Cardiff due to “logistical reasons.”

The Weed Truck doesn’t have a passport?

And it’s not great in the rest of Europe; Rihanna’s show in Berlin has been moved from the Olympic Stadium to the smaller Mercedes-Benz Arena, and the same thing happened in Belgium, where she’ll be headlining a summer festival instead of her own show; in Vienna, RiRi has been moved from the Ernst Happel Stadium to the smaller Wiener Stadthalle.

Downsizing. It’s not a good look on you Rihanna!

Oh Anne Hathaway! The role of a lifetime for you and, well, better luck next time.

Last fall, Disney announced that they’re working on a musical sequel to Mary Poppins because everyone wanted one … fifty years after the first one. Well, Disney executives did because they like the idea of more coins.

Still, this Poppins sequel will take place 20 years after the first movie and will use stories from the P.L. Travers’ series. And everyone, well, at least Anne Hathaway, was brimming with excitement because Anne Hathaway would be playing Mary—

What? Rumor has it that Emily Blunt had been offered the role and is in talks with Disney and so that ear-piercing, blood-curdling, agent-firing shriek you hear is Anne Hathaway, beating the ground with an umbrella with a talking bird handle.

Chim-chim-cheree, my ass!

So, 50 Cent. Last we talked he’d filed for bankruptcy and said the idea that he be forced to pay the lawsuits he lost was akin to slavery.

But, as we know, 50 loves to post photos of himself with stacks of cash on social media — he’s been doing it forever — and now a judge wants to know where all that cash came from, and since he takes selfies with it, it must be his, and therefore he can pay all his legal bills.

In response, 50 posted a photo of himself on a street corner holding a tin cup asking for spare change.

I guess money can’t buy you happiness or, in the case of Harry Styles, deodorant.

Apparently, on a recent episode of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes, Kendall, the model one, and Kylie, the not-model one, talked about Harry Styles being all kinds of pig stank.

Kendall said:

“I’ve asked him to shower more and told him a little deodorant never hurts.”

Ouch. But Styles could be used to it, because his last girlfriend, one Taylor Swift, ALLEGEDLY refused to kiss him because he had pig stank breath.

And, speaking of stank … the king of it all, Johnny Depp. Seriously, the man looks like he never bathes, washes his clothes, brushes his teeth, or combs his hair.

But maybe that’s all wrong; I mean, he looks like a  bum, and possibly reeks of alcohol, but Depp himself says that when people meet him they almost always comment on how he doesn’t smell as bad as he looks:

 “When I met people they said, ‘You do look like a hobo, but you smell really good.’ And goddamn it, I smell really good!”

And he says it’s because he uses Dior perfume.

That must be some strong-assed eau de toilette.

I’ve often assumed that Ariana Grande is the reincarnation of Mariah Carey — even though Mariah isn’t dead … it’s just her career that died — and now I have proof.

A new video has surfaced of Mariah being wheeled through a hotel lobby on a special dolly with a chair attachment so Mimi’s feet don’t touch the Earth. Now, I know what you’re saying: Ariana isn’t the new Mimi because Ariana gets carried around by her handlers.

But, c’mon, how many men would it take to lift Mariah? Just sayin … a dolly chair is better.

Oh, and since we talked Rihanna and her tour d-i-saster, let’s revisit her sudden disappearance from last week’s Grammys.

I said that it seemed like she ran off before performing because she’d seen Kendrick Lamar’s rehearsal and knew that her performance was more kindergarten Christmas pageant in comparison and so she fled. Turns out, I was right.

Say it again: Bob was right.

Rihanna’s people said:

“She felt like her performance couldn’t compare [to some of the other artists’], and she was trying to avoid the embarrassment because she knew it wasn’t the right comeback performance. She said, ‘I’m not doing this.'”

Say it with me: Bob was right.

And we’ll end with Rob Kardastrophe, and the fact that his family, especially That Woman, hate the fact that he’s boning Kylie’s boyfriend’s Baby Mama, Blac Chyna.

It appears That Woman would do anything to keep Rob out of Chyna — see what I did there? — and has gone so far as to buy Rob his own home in the Kardastrophe Kommunity in the hopes that maybe he’ll move away from his piece.

Didn’t happen. In fact, it appears Rob has moved Blac Chyna into the home That Woman bought and Blac Chyna began releasing video of all of the foods That Woman bought for him: Sharon’s Sorbet, McCann’s Irish Oatmeal and I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter! Now that’s kinda funny, but the message Rob posted on Instagram after the move is the height of high-larity:

“When the pussy good but your family don’t like her so you drop your family and become an orphan.”

I’m guessing That Woman is flipping out in her crypt and just waiting for sunset so she can wing her way to Rob’s house and take back all the I Can’t Believe It’s not Butter!