I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I admit it, I'm a fan of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Mostly because of Brit diva Lisa Vanderpump, but still.....

And I jumped on the I Hate Camille Grammer bandwagon because she seemed like such a snobby self-entitled, former porn star who married a rich TV guy, had someone bear him two children and then found herself being traded in for a younger version. Yeah, lots of reasons to dislike Camille, including her demands for spousal support and child support that were beyond extraordinary.
But now I'm feeling a little less I Hate Camille Grammer, and a little more I Hate Kelsey Grammer, mostly because of his recent child custody request.
See, it seems Kelsey, who lives in Chicago with the fourth, but not last, Missus Grammer, filed a motion asking for full custody of his two children. He offered Camille the chance to have them half of each summer, and half of their school breaks., The details on who would get custody of the four nannies that care for the two wee Grammers was not released.
Camille fired back, asking for sole custody herself, saying the kids have always lived in California, have friends, family, nannies, sitters, bodyguards, cooks and chauffeurs in California, and the trauma of moving to Chi-town might be too much. And then, she released a letter from Kelsey that made him seem more of the asshat than she.
In the letter, written just last month, and sent from Kelsey's team of lawyers to Camille's gaggle of attorneys,  he actually offered to solve the problem by taking just one of the children.
Seriously.
Kesley wants his son to live with him full time and his daughter, what's-her-name, to stay in Malibu with Camille. Note to Kelsey: these are children, not cars. You can't say I'll take that one and you can have the other. I never thought Camille would come out looking like the decent parent in this, but, yes, I was wrong.

We haven't heard much from the OctoMom lately......Thank God....but suddenly she's back in the news, again, for falling behind on mortgage payments. Again! 

And is she pounding the pavement looking for a job, or two, to dig herself out of the situation she created for herself by having something like twenty children as a single mom?
Heavens no!
OctoMom AKA Nadya Suleman AKA Giant Asshatted Media Whore will be holding a......wait for it.....it's good........it's coming........a bikini car wash to raise money to save her house. And she's enlisted the aid of one of Charlie Sheen's many hooker-porn star girlfriends to help.
Yes, Capri Anderson, Miss I am Not A Hooker, I'm A Porn Star, will be washing cars with Octo, alongside reality whore Tia Tequila, Reggie Bush's former mistress January Gessert and Mel Gibson's ALLEGED next baby mama, Violet Kowal.
Whores washing cars!
Octo will hold her car wash on June 18, and, if such things tickle your interests, it will cost you $20 bucks for the wash, or $30 if you have an SUV.
Kisses and blow jobs are, of course, extra.

Looks like JLo is a little behind the times.

An LA judge has just ruled that one of JLo's ex-husbands, or ex-boyfriends, Ojani Noa, will be allowed to release home video of the singer shot while they were married. Yes. A JLo sex tape. Call it Booty On Fire or Jenny On My Cock or Open My Fly, Girl.
Okay, I'll stop.
And the bidding war has begun between porn companies hoping to purchase and distribute the, um, intimate home video. Noa's business manager, Ed Meyer, says bids were starting "in the hundreds of thousands," and the final price was expected to be in the millions.
Seriously, to watch JLo bang a guy from the 1990s, unless, it's, um, that guy?
But Meyer says, "I've gotten emails from Pornhub, YouPorn, Pulse Distribution, Red Light District and Kevin Blatt, who brokered Paris Hilton's sex tape. If an offer looks good, we'll definitely take it."

JLo is said to be distraught, or at least feign being distraught, because she'd long assumed that her ex wouldn't be able to release their sex tape because he'd signed a confidentiality agreement which would ban him from making such private material public.
Sidenote: nothing says love like a signed confidentiality agreement.
But Noa, making an end run around JLo's expansive end, recently sold the video to his current girlfriend, who is working with a distributor to release the film, and that LA judge says this plan is perfectly legal.
So, will you see JBlo? What about Made In Manhattan? The Back Door Plan?
Okay, I'll seriously stop.

Poor Whitney.
On the heels of dreadful, off-key, out-of-sorts, and, oftentimes, canceled live performances, and in addition to her recent re-admittance to a rehab program for drug abuse, Whitney Houston now ALLEGEDLY has a much more serious battle on her hands.

According to the National Enquirer--Yes, I know, but they did break the John Edwards story--doctors informed the singer that she is suffering from early stages of emphysema, which might be a reason of her recent spate of less than stellar performances.
According to a friend--and by friend, I mean the awful person who would say such things to the Enquirer--"She's developed emphysema--and her doctors are warning her she'll die a horrible death."
According to the "story", doctors have told Houston that if she does not completely kick her smoking habit, the disease will take her life. And the task of weening her off the cigarettes has fallen on the shoulders of Whitney's recently released from rehab for her own addiction problems, daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
But Whitney's people are fighting back. Her rep, Kristen Foster, is now calling the story "completely untrue."
Hopefully the story isn't true, but I wonder. How many times have Whitney's people said she doesn't have a drug problem, and then she goes into rehab for it? I hope this doesn't turn out like that.

Comedy is fun, unless you're a comic that steals jokes.
Or, unless you're Jay Leno, a comic accused of stealing jokes. Again.

It seems that just last week Leno told a joke that was eerily similar to a joke told two days earlier by Andy Levy on 'Red Eye,' an overnight show on the Fox News channel.
You be the judge:
From 'The Tonight Show' on May 26:
Leno: Bad news for the state of California. The Supreme Court will force the state to release something like 46,000 convicts because of prison overcrowding. But the good news – it looks like the Oakland Raiders will have more season ticket holders. Yeah, so the stadium will be packed.
From the 'Red Eye' on May 24:
Levy: Supreme Court orders tens of thousands of California prisoners released. This actually might help the Raiders start selling out their home games again.
'Red Eye' host Greg Gutfeld and Andy Levy actually then joked about Leno's theft of humor this past weekend, when Gutfeld said: "Wow Andy, I can't believe you traveled to the future, stole that joke from Jay, then traveled back to tell it on 'Red Eye.'"
Andy Levy then joked, "Look, what's the point of having a time machine if you're not going to travel to the future, steal jokes from Jay Leno then travel back to tell them on 'Red Eye?'"
And they do point out that Leno himself didn't actually steal the joke, but that the theft of humor falls into the laps of his writers.
Still, Jay, get your own material, and some new writers.

They tried to make her go to rehab, but she stopped for vodka on the way and the released herself after just a week. Not as catchy as Amy Winehouse's song, but true none-the-less.

After just one week of treatment for alcohol addiction, Amy Winehouse has checked herself out of rehab. He rep, Chris Goodman, says she is looking forward to touring Europe this summer and "raring to go." He also said the 27-year-old will continue her treatment at the Priory Clinic as an outpatient.
An outpatient?
On tour?
Not drinking?
Am I the only one who sees Whitney Houston in all this?
Winehouse has a well-documented history of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as self-destructive behavior, since she came on the scene big time back in Ott-Seven with her Grammy-winning 'Back to Black' album.
And she's been in out of rehab, and pubs, ever since. Getting help then getting high. Getting help again, then getting drunk.
In fact, London tabloid, The Sun, reported that a bedraggled Winehouse was seen downing a miniature bottle of vodka in London last week, on her way to checking in to rehab.An eyewitness--and by eyewitness, I mean, another drunk looking for mini Voddies--says: "She seemed out of it. She was stumbling about, slurring her words. I was shocked to see her buy vodka so early in the day, and even more shocked to see her knock it straight back."
She said No No No.
 
Well, I'm glad about this because I was worried.
Kim Kardashian is taking her mother's advice after all, and will not--I said WILL NOT--be taking her husband's name when she marries his bank account this year.
See, since there is nothing happening in the world this week, all the news agencies were gleefully reporting that Kim was taking on the surname of her fiance, basketball somebody-or-other, Kris Humphries, but an insider--and by insider, I mean Khloe, who really has nothing better to do than eat and gossip--says: "Kim will not change her last name. It's her brand, and it's her name. It wouldn’t make sense."
And, when she divorces her bank account, er, husband in less than a year she won't have to go to all that legal trouble of changing her name back to KardASSian.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But..................

Poor NBC--which stands for No Body Cares.
Apparently profits at the Peacock fell 30% in the fourth quarter of Aught-Nine due to disappointing DVD sales, dismal movie releases, securing rights to NFL programing, and, something the spinmeisters at No Body Cares are calling "new programming investments."
New.Programming.Investments?
That's network-speak for Jay Leno.
MSNBC.....Mighty Sorry No Body Cares.

Domestic diva, and jailbird, Martha Stewart, apparently wants a new gig. You know, something to do between her TV shows, her commercials for Macy's, her K-0Mart products, her books and magazines, toting that barge, lifting that bail.
Martha, and I'm hoping this is a joke, wants to be the new judge on American Idol.
Will the contestants have to sing-and-sew? Rap-and-bake? Croon-and-garden?
Okay, I'll stop.
Martha Stewart, when asked why she thought she would be A Good Thing for American Idol, said she would be "fair."
I don't like my Martha fair, I want my Martha bitchy.

That Oprah knows how to jump on a hot story.
Last week she had Adam Lambert on to discuss his X-rated--or so some say--performance at the AMA's.
In.November!
This week she had Rosie O'Donnell on to discuss, among other things, her time on The View--a show she left YEARS ago--and the break-up of her marriage--which happened two years ago!
Now, ever on the cusp of cutting edge, current events, Oprah will be stepping away from the Craft Services table long enough to be packaged and shipped out to Hollywood to talk with The Chin, Jay Leno, about all this Tonight Show nonsense.
Which was settled weeks ago!
Way to stay current Oprah.
Hey Oprah, did you hear?
Some folks snuck into a White House dinner.
Ted Kennedy passed away.
My Mother The Car was cancelled.
Your show is over.

Apparently, teenage abstinence proponent, and unwed mother, Bristol Palin is after child support from her babydaddy Levi Johnston.
But here's the rub--and not the kind of rub that got Bristol to where she is today: Levi offered her support but she said No.
See, Levi wanted Bristol to come to his place to get the money, and to bring baby Tripp, so they could spend some time together, but Bristol never showed.
Maybe she was telling kids never ever to have sex because its bad and wrong and her mama don't like it.

All these guys using performance enhancing drugs. Big arms. Big legs. Tiny.....um.....Now comes word that Michael Douglas is using them, too.
Oh, not to hit a ball farther....not to run faster....but to keep his bat stiffer. Longer.
Michael Douglas--now pushing eighty........I kid! Or do I?....has admitted to using, ahem, performance enhancing drugs, namely Viagra, to satisfy his wife, the MUCH younger Catherine Zeta-Jones.
Seems that even with a hot-to-trot missus around the geriatric ward, Mikey needed a little encouragement of the medical kind to keep up with her.
Catherine--forty years old........still--likes a good roll in the orthopedic bed every now and again, and so she was only to happy to wheel Grampa to the doc for some Quicker Picker Uppers.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But...............................

Rumors are sashaying that NBC will give the Tonight Show back to Leno. Now, Conan is pissed, and NBC is pissed at him.

So, they screw up, they go stupid, and they get mad?

NBC Chief Asshat Jeff Zucker is threatening to keep Conan off the air for three and a half years because of it. He's set to make Conan honor his contract to NBC and not work anywhere else for the next three years.

Nice NBC.

Not.

But, and this is fun, while Leno's ratings nosedive, Conan's are up since this mess started.

I say, NBC? Keep Leno and feel the swirl of the toilet bowl as you sink even further, and Let My Conan Go!

All Conan wants is to be be released from his contract and to make sure everyone on his staff who relocated to Los Angeles for this debacle is taken care of.

Is that so wrong?

Time to send some good wishes to one of the biggest TV sluts of all time.

And I mean that in a nice way.......

Golden Girl Rue McClanahan has suffered a stroke.
She collapsed while recovering from bypass surgery, and her husband, Morrow Wilson, says that, although doctors removed the blood clot that caused the stroke, she is still struggling with her speech and walking.

She is out of ICU, though, and in a rehab center.
Morrow Wilson says:
"She can understand what you are saying in conversation, but still has some trouble speaking. Her speech is slower than it once was and she hasn't completely recovered on the right side of her body. She's going to require a lot more physical and speech therapy - but at least it's not like I stay awake at nights any more thinking that Rue is going to die."
So, send good thoughts to a golden girl.

Onto some good news:
After releasing a statement saying that they were going to support the humanitarian efforts in Haiti after the devastating earthquake, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have donated $1 million through their Jolie-Pitt Foundation.

One.Million. Donated directly to Doctors Without Borders.
Angelina: "It is incredibly horrible to see a catastrophe of this size hit a people who have been suffering from extreme poverty, violence and unrest for so many decades."

Brad: "We understand the first response is critical to serve the immediate needs of countless people who are now displaced from their homes, are suffering trauma, and most require urgent care."

Hot.

And compassionate.

That's hot.

Simon Cowell is saying Cheerio to the show that made him a namesake in favor of bringing his UK success back across the pond. Next year, Simon will switch gears from judging American Idol to judging the new US version of The X Factor--think AI with no age limit.
Sounds nice, although I'm sure the folks at AI aren't too happy, but now it seems as though the Brits have their knickers in a twist. Simon wants to stay with both the UK and the US version of X, which means they cannot be filmed at the same time. So, the US version will be shot first, and air first, and the UK version will have to wait.

And they are not happy.

To that I say, Look UK, we whipped your behind in 1776 to gain our freedom, and we'll do it again to.......watch a TV show?

From the ISBL I H8 K8 file:

Allegedly, full-time media whore and part-time mother Kate Gosselin will be starting a new reality show coming this fall, but her old bosses at TLC aren't having it!
TLC Senior Vice President of Communications Laurie Goldberg released a statement this afternoon, denying that a new project was indefinite production:
"This is just the latest speculation from supposed sources. Last week everyone was announcing Date Kate. We are still in development and looking at a number of ideas. When we have determined what the show will be, you will hear directly from us."
Ooooh, marketing a media whore is a full-time job.

I H8 K8.

You wanna to see more of Lindsay Lohan?

Apparently, serial rehabber Lohan is starring in a sex tape that is poised to became an Internet sensation.

The 47-second clip--which for me is just about as long as I can stand to see Lohan in anything--is, according to the Daily Mirror newspaper: “....dynamite. It is pretty seedy and shows Lindsay engaged in a particular sex act, which, obviously, should remain behind closed doors. “

I think Lohan should remain behind closed doors.

Permanently.

Gay Aiken. Clay Gayken.........Clay. Aiken. Is releasing his first post-Coming-Out album, and that sound you hear is grandmothers all over the country firing up their scooters to get down to the record store and waiting in line for this one.

Clay's upcoming album on his new record label, Decca Records, is set to be released this coming summer, and he's veering away from that Pop he does so well....or at least the pop he thinks he does so well.

He's recording romantic classic songs from the 1950s and 1960s like "Moon River," "What Kind Of Fool Am I?," "Mack the Knife," and "Can't Take My Eyes Off You."
Oooooh, how Barry Manilow of you. How Rod Stewart-like.

How.Boring.

Let Conan Keep The Tonight Show

In the interests of fairness, I will say that I have never liked Jay Leno. I remember an old car commercial, where the tagline was something like, "This is not your father's Oldsmobile."

Well, Jay Leno isn't my father's late night talk-show host. He's more like my grandfather's late night talk-show host.

I don't find him funny. At all. I was a Johnny Carson kid, and then a Letterman man. I liked their irreverence, and the sense that anything might happen. With Jay, well, anything doesn't happen, except stale jokes.

So, I was kinda happy when they announced Leno was leaving The Tonight Show and Conan O'Brien was taking over. Conan has that same Carson-Letterman sense. He doesn't take himself too seriously, and he's simply out to have a little fun before he sends you off to bed. Now, again, in the interests of fairness, I'm still Team Letterman, but I liked the O'Brien Option, you know, if he was having a better guest line-up or something.

Then NBC put Leno at 10PM; the same show he'd done before, only ninety minutes earlier. If I was Conan O'Brtien, I'd be pissed. Why take Leno off The Tonight Show and then let him do the same show at an earlier hour? Senseless. And a colossal failure. Epic. Viewers turned away in droves from NBC. I myself was heard to mutter, I want my SVU!

So, now, with revenues way down--NBC has said it will lose hundreds of millions of dollars airing the Winter Olympics--they want to put Jay back at 11:30, er, 11:35, and move Conan to 12:05. So, Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show becomes The Early Tomorrow Morning Show since it will no longer air tonight.

Seemed smooth sailing, until. The Letter:

People of Earth:

In the last few days, I've been getting a lot of sympathy calls, and I want to start by making it clear that no one should waste a second feeling sorry for me. For 17 years, I've been getting paid to do what I love most and, in a world with real problems, I've been absurdly lucky. That said, I've been suddenly put in a very public predicament and my bosses are demanding an immediate decision.

Six years ago, I signed a contract with NBC to take over The Tonight Show in June of 2009. Like a lot of us, I grew up watching Johnny Carson every night and the chance to one day sit in that chair has meant everything to me. I worked long and hard to get that opportunity, passed up far more lucrative offers, and since 2004 I have spent literally hundreds of hours thinking of ways to extend the franchise long into the future. It was my mistaken belief that, like my predecessor, I would have the benefit of some time and, just as important, some degree of ratings support from the prime-time schedule. Building a lasting audience at 11:30 is impossible without both.

But sadly, we were never given that chance. After only seven months, with my Tonight Show in its infancy, NBC has decided to react to their terrible difficulties in prime-time by making a change in their long-established late night schedule.

Last Thursday, NBC executives told me they intended to move the Tonight Show to 12:05 to accommodate the Jay Leno Show at 11:35. For 60 years the Tonight Show has aired immediately following the late local news. I sincerely believe that delaying the Tonight Show into the next day to accommodate another comedy program will seriously damage what I consider to be the greatest franchise in the history of broadcasting. The Tonight Show at 12:05 simply isn't the Tonight Show. Also, if I accept this move I will be knocking the Late Night show, which I inherited from David Letterman and passed on to Jimmy Fallon, out of its long-held time slot. That would hurt the other NBC franchise that I love, and it would be unfair to Jimmy.

So it has come to this: I cannot express in words how much I enjoy hosting this program and what an enormous personal disappointment it is for me to consider losing it. My staff and I have worked unbelievably hard and we are very proud of our contribution to the legacy of The Tonight Show. But I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is its destruction. Some people will make the argument that with DVRs and the Internet a time slot doesn't matter. But with the Tonight Show, I believe nothing could matter more.

There has been speculation about my going to another network but, to set the record straight, I currently have no other offer and honestly have no idea what happens next. My hope is that NBC and I can resolve this quickly so that my staff, crew, and I can do a show we can be proud of, for a company that values our work.

Have a great day and, for the record, I am truly sorry about my hair; it's always been that way.

Yours,

Conan

There you have it, NBC.

Don't be stupid. Put Leno out of our misery.

Random Musings

Is it me or is the Today Show turning into The SideShow? I mean, is there any actual news left? This morning, in the 7AM hour, the big story was Elvis' birthday. Forgive me if I'm insensitive [or just fuck off ] but hasn't he been dead for like a hundred years? So, why are we celebrating his birthday?
Then, to top it off, Matt "I'm a newsman, dammit" Lauer, promised an interview with Balloon Boy Hoax Daddy, Richard Heene, because now Richard says it wasn't a hoax--even though his wife says it was a hoax.
Hmmmm, maybe it's just me, but isn't this just another attempt by MediaWhoreHeene to get his mug on TV.
And isn't it nice of the SideShow to accommodate him?
Piss off.
There's word that Jay Leno is being cancelled.
Then comes word that he's being shipped to Hiatus, wherever that is, though I'm sure it's a country where people don't know funny because then they'd get Jay Leno.
Then comes word that he's going back to the 11:30PM timeslot.
Um, NBC? Didn't you give that to Conan? And by shipping Leno back, aren't you kind of admitting that you made a New Coke Kind Of Mistake?
But NBC says Jay Leno's "show has performed exactly as anticipated."
Oh, so you meant to drive away 52% of your audience.
Good thinking.
Y'all know, if you read my lil 'ol blog you do know, that I don't care to comment on Tiger Woods and his, ahem, personal issues. But Charlie Sheen is another matter, because Charlie Sheen is a dickwad untalented drug-and-alcohol addict who never seems to learn his lesson. The lesson? Don't drink. Don't drug. Don't get married. Again. Don't have more children. But Charlie, up to his eyeballs in trouble from his Christmas Eve alleged wife-beating incident, is turning into a giant yellow-bellied coward. Seems Charlie won't be making a personal appearance at the upcoming hearing concerning the restraining order implemented by his wife Brooke Mueller because he allegedly threatened to kill her. Charlie will testify via phone! His attorney filed the motion, and the District Attorney did not opposed. But, and this is where it gets Charlie Sheen Weird, the hearing is to get the restraining order dropped so he and his wife can be in the same room and mend their tattered drug-drunk-fest, er, marriage, and yet Charlie doesn't want to be in the same room to talk about it? Charlie Sheen is an asshat. And, he'll probably hate this more, he's a horrible actor. Can't act. Not funny.
People are idiots.
Oh, not you of course, those other people.
It seems that folks are already up in arms about President Obama's upcoming State of The Union address because the two nights available are the nights that American Idol premieres or the night that starts the last season of Lost.
Yes, only in America, where we just bungled a terrorist attack, where Wall St has come back to thumb their noses at us while they line their pockets, where unemployment goes up and home ownership goes down, we are more concerned about missing a TV show.
Now, I loves me some American Idol and I loveslovesloeves me some Lost, but, seriously.
People are stupid.
Noooooooooooooo! Not you!

Apparently Bristol Palin, daughter of The Quitter, Levi's baby momma, has her own business. Paperwork was filed in Alaska last September by Bristol, as the organizer of an new enterprise, BSMP LLC.
BSMP [Bristol Sharon Marie Palin] will :::::ahem::::: "provide lobbying, public relations, and political consulting services." The company is currently the ambassador for the Candie's Foundation, a pro-abstinence organization.
Yes, Bristol, who dropped out of high school so she could give birth to her drop-out boyfriend's love child is touting abstinence. Um, she couldn't have done that before she, um, you know, rode the Johnston?
Just like her mama, the Governor Who Couldn't, Bristol follows the "do as I say, not as I do" brand of thinking.
This one kills me.
Literally.
I.Died.
In the newest issue of Latina Magazine, Jennifer Lopez laments not winning an Oscar El Cantante, a movie nobody saw:
"I feel like I had that [Oscar worthy role] in El Cantante, but I don't even think the academy members saw it. I feel like it's their responsibility to do that, to see everything that's out there, everything that could be great. "Well, it is a little bit frustrating. It was funny; when the Oscars were on, I had just given birth on the 22nd, and the Oscars, I think, were a day or two later. I was sitting there with my twins--I couldn't have been happier--but I was like, 'How dope would it have been if I would've won the Oscar and been here in my hospital bed accepting the award?' 'Thank you so much! I just want to thank the academy!' But we joked about it. It's all good. Things will happen when they're supposed to happen. I have the utmost faith and no doubt that it will one day, when and if it's supposed to. You can't get all crazy twisted over it."
Jennifer Lopez winning an Oscar!
It's funny, cuz it'll never happen.

These two I lovelovelove.

Cher, and Christina Aguilera, on the set of their new movie [I know! Two fab divas together!] Burlesque.

The film is about of a burlesque club called The Burlesque Lounge, where Christina's small- town-girl-with-a-dream-and-a-talent-as-big-as-her-breasts shows off her amazing, um, voice. Yeah. Not the breasts, I don't think.

Cher plays Tess the owner of the lounge and she is apparently going to guide Christina's Ali through the perils of small-town-big-city burlesque-itude.

Of course, it doesn't hurt that the film also stars homolicious Alan Cumming, hottie Eric Dane, sexy Stanley Tucci, and The Body Cam Gigandet.

It's a big gay movie!Rachel Zoe, stylist to the stars who have no taste of their own, took to the beaches over the holidays. Apparently, however, she forgot her suit, so she just slipped into some leftover skin she had laying around. Seriously, someone give her a cookie, and then make her go away.

Lindsay Lohan is accused of stealing.

Again.

'Nuff said.

I miss Oprah. No, I don't!

Rants! Rants! Who Will Buy My Rants?

I haven't had a good rant lately. it might have something to do with the fact that I've been busy and haven't seen Oprah in more than a week. Girl really knows how to get my goat. Although, I do so love when she has singers on and Miss Winfrey has the cameras trained on her while she mangles the words and claps offbeat. Yeah, I miss my O.

But, still, there are some things out there that annoy me or make me giggle.

Balloon boy. Go away, and take your media whoring fame seeking asshat of a father with you. And your mom, too. I mean, haven't these people heard of Jon and Kate? Don't they see that in their future? Are we, and by we I mean them because I don't have a desire for fame, are so obsessed with getting on TV and being the latest Bravo sensation that we're willing to lie, and make our children lie, just to achieve a level of fame? Really?

Really.

And poor Carrie Prejean. I know, faithful readers of ISBL will know that I promised never to write of this illiterate asshat after her running of the mouth about how God chose her to be his spokeswoman against marriage equality. But I guess she wasn't listening to God that day in the doctors office, when she asked for the Double C's and paid for them with pageant money.

Cuz now the pageant is suing for the return of their Boob Bucks, their Mammary Money, their C-Cup C-Notes, their Breastage Benjamins, their Hooter Hundreds, their Titty twenties....okay I'll stop.

Carrie? Honey? I know I asked before, but really, dear, you need to go away and be quiet, because everything you do, everything, proves over and over again that you're an idiot and a media whore.

Jay Leno is ruining NBC. Told ya so! Pfffffft!

The ratings for NBC from 10 PM to 11 PM are down a whopping 40% from last year. That's right, nearly half their audience is gone because people no likee Jay before 11:30.

Should they fire him?

Should he quit?

Should they rethink this asinine idea?

Yes. Yes. And a wee bit late.

What the hell happened to Tanya Tucker's face? i was watching her perform on Fox News--I know, what was I doing watching Fox News and Tanya Tucker? And I know she's had a tough life; she's been rode hard and put away wet, as we like to say here in horse country. But dayum! Girl had some mean plastic surgery. I mean, it makes her look mean. She was singing a love song but I swear I thought she wanted to kick someone's ass.

And what's this about Sarah Palin posting a resume online? Is she seriously looking for a job--or is it just another Palin lame attempt to keep her name in the news? And who's gonna hire Moose Mess [thanks to Wonderman for that name] now? I mean, she didn't even finish her last job because it got too, what was the word, oh yeah, hard.

But then she has been busy writing her book.

Writing? Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

And Whitney Houston. Poor thing, I think crack is back. Now, first off, that's an old picture of Miss Whitney, and I will give it to her that she looks good now, but recently she was acting like the woman in that photo.

She performed on The X Factor in the UK, singing "Million Dollar Bill" and she sounded okay. But the way she acted was very different.

When the emcee approached her after the song, and leaned in to kiss her cheek, she literally pulled back like she didn't know who he was; and when he said Thanks for the money--fake dollar bills fell from the sky as Whitney sang--she kicked at it and said it was all hers. then the kicker: he asked when her album was dropping [lordy, I hate that word....dropping] she actually looked at him and said, Album?

Poor thing.

Paris Hilton. Although I may have to drop her from my lists as she is apparently keeping her panties on and singing mouth off.

Lindsay Lohan--Happy 69th Birthday, BTW. I mean, have you seen her lately?

She looks worse than Tanya Tucker, and she could be Tucker's granddaughter. Lindsey, Lindsey, Lindsey. Get out of the spotlight and take that job at the Sunglass Hut.

Seriously.

That's all.

Musings

Here are a few things that i find interesting, annoying, cute or bothersome.

Tyra Banks took off her weave on the premiere of her talk show this week. i sort of wish she'd take off her head so we might never have to hear her speak again.

Jay Leno has left the Tonight Show so he can do the same show ninety minutes earlier. Does this seem like a stupid idea to anyone but me? I don't like Jay. I don't think he's funny. His humor is pedestrian. I will not be watching this mess.

I joined Twitter so I could rant about Joe Wilson. I don't know how long I'll stay this time, because my last try lasted one, er, Tweet.

I don't like Mike Isabella on Top Chef. he's an arrogant douchebag, and it seems he only wins when he works with someone else, like the Voltaggio brothers--Bryan is the cute one. I so wanted him to get the boot--or as Carlos says it now, You ARE the weakest link. Good bye! I was also hoping Mattin would go. it would have been great fun to see the french guy go in the French food challenge. Sidenote: Is it me, or does Mattin remind anyone else of PeeWee Herman, albeit a French PeeWee?

I saw Glee last night. I liked it. i wasn't as bowled over as some people were, but I thought it was cute. Of course, it didn't hurt to have Matthew Morrison in a bathtub, and the delicious Jane Lynch is a joy forever, plus Lea Michele has a lovely voice. and the writing is quite sharp. Hmmm, maybe I was bowled over?

Obama's speech last night was terrific. He knows how to speak, which is something we haven't seen in a president since last century, and he gets his point across. He was firm in his convictions and stated them brilliantly. I loved how he said he would call out those people who keep spreading lies about health care reform. Are you listening Death Panel Palin and Asshat Michele Bachmann?

I don't know how weatherpeople keep their jobs. Yesterday, it was supposed to be mid-80s with a slight slight SLIGHT chance of rain, but about 9AM the sky turned black and it poured and poured. I wonder what'll happen when the weatheridiots call for extreme heat. Perhaps the Earth will become the Sun?
While Carlos and I were doing our Gaybor Day shopping up in Charlotte, we happened upon some lamps. We never agree on lamps. he likes, and this is true, Monkeys. On. Lamps. I, however, do not. He'll find a lamp and I'll sneer and say, No....no....nononononononono. Then I find one and he'll grimace and says No...no...nononononononono. So, I find one that has a more traditional shape that Carlos might light--an urn shape--but it's made of shiny silver metal and therefore satisfies the need for something contemporary that i like. i hold it up, and Carlos says, No....no...nonononononono, I don't like metal. Nine years together and I did not know this. But imagine my surprise when, just a few aisles over, he said he found a bed frame that he loved. Yes, you guessed it, made of metal, in a shiny silver. If I didn't think he'd start crying I would have left him in the store.
Paris Hilton.
Lindsay Lohan.
Mark and Jenny Sanford.
Joe Wilson.
That's all.