Today In Stoopid: Rick Perry

He’s never been the sharpest tool in the shed—though I thing he might be the biggest one—but this ... this makes Rick Perry look like Ben Carson Level Stupid.

Energy Secretary Rick Perry believes that fossil fuels can help prevent sexual assault. And he actually spoke of his belief at an energy policy event while talking about how bringing power to African villages would save lives:

"But also from the standpoint of sexual assault, when the lights are on, when you have light that shines, the righteousness, if you will, on those types of acts. So from the standpoint of how you really affect people's lives, fossil fuels is going to play a role in that. I happen to think it's going to play a positive role."

Cuz, you know, no one has ever been asexually assaulted in the light. So, ladies, and gentlemen, if you’re ever being sexually assaulted, don’t cry for help, don’t defend yourself, just turn a light on and you’ll be safe.

Oh, and if that isn’t dumb enough, Perry, a former Texas governor who ran for president twice, and lost twice, reiterated his view that he does not believe that humans are the main drivers of climate change:

"I still think the science is out."

Honey, the science is most definitely in, and you still aren't out, so you need to take a seat and let the grown-ups talk.

Rick Perry: stupid is as stupid does.

NBC News

Eric _____ Is The Dumb One ... One! That's High-Larious!

Okay, so we all know that Little Donny Trump has Daddy issues … he wants to be like Donald. And we know Ivanka used to be the sane one, but now she’s drinking the Kool-Aid lest Daddy cut her off. But what about Eric? The one you never see very often. He’s the Dumb One, or at least the one who should have paid attention in his high school Spanish class.

Over the weekend, Eric was at a Donald Rally in North Carolina when he spotted a woman wearing a t0-shirt with something written in Spanish across it, and with his father’s name on it. So, wanting to impress Daddy by finding an Hispanic woman who supports Donald, Eric raced right over for a photo op to show the world that, as anti-immigrant, as anit-Latino, as his father is, there are still some Latinos that support The Rump.

Just not this woman … because her shirt said this:

“Latina Contra Trump.”

The literal translation is:

“Latina Against Trump.”

And there was Eric the Rump posing with Annie Cardelle, while she wore an anti-Trump shirt.

“As Hispanic women, we see how Trump’s hate speech has emboldened people to be racist towards Latinos and people of color in general. What Donald Trump has been doing is making people think that it’s alright to treat us as if we’re worse than they are. I’m just really glad that I got the chance to remind his supporters that his language has been really unsettling with a large group of people in America.” — Annie Cardelle

Can you just imagine the homecoming Little Eric got for posing with Annie?

High.Larious.

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Today In Stoopid: Franklin Graham Strikes Again

Two big events occurred this week that have religious folks and conservatives in a furor:

1] The Pope is coming to America, and

B] The Muppets are returning to network TV after forty years.

I wonder which one will cause the most ruckus and outrage among Christians and wingnuts?

Oh yeah … Muppets. And Franklin Graham is not at all happy about it and, instead of welcoming Pope Francis on his first ever visit to the United States, he took to Facebook to tear into The Muppets.

While he has yet to see one episode — his rant took place before the show aired last night — Graham said the show, which might be more mature than it was four decades back, should be "off limits" because it "promotes sin":

"ABC is premiering a new 'mature version' of the Muppets that reports say will cover a range of topics from sex to drugs to 'interspecies relationships' … It sounds to me like the whole show should be off limits! Hollywood seems to be in a frenzy to see what new moral low they can reach in their programming. Their agenda is to promote sin to a younger and younger audience. … The Bible says, 'Woe to those who call evil good and good evil.' That goes for Kermit the Frog as well!"

Yes, he said that. And, of course, because crazy isn’t just a thing for wacknut Christians with too much time on their hands, the wacknut conservative group, One Million Moms, actually more like 79,148 according to the ‘Likes’ on their Facebook page, joined in begging folks not to watch the Muppets because …

Kermit doesn’t wear pants.

Yes, keep the kids away, shield the eyes, because a frog Muppet is on TV without pants.

Donald Duck, beware; you’re next!

NCRM: Franklin Graham
NCRM: One Million Moms

Today In Stoopid: Colorado Ballot Measure Wants To Make Same-Sex Marriages Into Civil Unions

Out in Colorado this week, in light of that Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality, a new ballot initiative has been proposed that would redefine same-sex marriages in the state as civil unions; in addition, a second initiative would allow wedding-related businesses to discriminate against same-sex couples.

Colorado wants to ignore the Supreme Court and redefine marriage, though they fought the efforts to redefine it for the past several years; but I guess if you redefine it to discriminate against The Gays then that’s okay?

Or not. But, keeping marriage equality out of the state might be difficult, at best.

Dave Montez, the executive director of One Colorado, an LGBT advocacy group:

"This initiative is an unnecessary attempt to radically redefine all marriages in Colorado in order to undermine the Supreme Court's recent decision. Even before last week's Supreme Court decision, the 37 states that already had marriage equality had proven that when loving, committed, gay couples share in the freedom to marry, families are helped and no one is hurt. The freedom to marry is a precious, fundamental right that belongs to all."

I’m’a make this queer for Colorado: you cannot change marriages to civil unions for The Gays just because your knickers are twisted. It won’t work, because you cannot retroactively change the marriages that have already occurred to a different status, and so then to deny marriage now — even under the guise of a new name — goes against the rules of Equal Protection that the Supremes used to make marriage equality the law of the land.

Seriously, Colorado. Build a bridge and get over it. Gay folks are getting married and no one is getting hurt by it.

Denver Post

Today In Stoopid: Steve King Wants To Impeach The Supremes ... Well, Ginsburg and Kagen

Iowa GOP Congressman—and asshat—Steve King is very unhappy with the United States Supreme Court. Well, not the whole court, mainly Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan.

In fact, he wants them impeached for their pro-equality ruling, and because they each had the nerve, the nerve, to officiate same-sex wedding.

“That provision does exist, and let’s hear what the public has to say. If that were put up before me today, and I think I mentioned Ginsburg and Kagan as being two that had been conducting same-sex marriages on their spare time and did not recuse themselves, I would put up the vote to remove them from office. But I don’t know if the public is ready for that.”

King — like many of his GOP loons and cohorts in idiocy — called for “nationwide civil disobedience” and encouraged states to simply “abolish civil marriage.”

“By doing so we can avoid the litigation that’s coming at every one of our churches [because LGBT rights activists] will not stop until they can force a priest to conduct a same-sex marriage at the altar of a Catholic church.”

Um, Steve? Moron? Take the foil hat off and listen to me, m’kay? As a government employee and an elected official, though how that continues to happen I do not know, surely you have heard of a little thing called Separation of Church and State?

Yeah, that thing; that means the government cannot force a church or priest or pastor or rabbi or shaman or wiccan priest, who chooses not to do so, to perform a same-sex wedding ceremony.

And let’s get another thing queer: if you wanna do away with civil marriage, please do so by making it retroactive to cover every single married person in the country and then go home and explain to your wife and children how mommy and daddy will no longer be married because, um, Gay.

And then sit down.