An Open Letter To Noah Galvin

I don’t really know you, Noah, but I’ve been watching your TV show, The Real O’Neals, where you, an openly gay actor, play an openly gay character on a show created by openly gay Dan Savage. It’s kind of a cute show, bordering on, and wanting to be, edgy, but falling into that typical situation comedy trap of set-up and joke, set-up and joke.

But this isn’t about your show, this is about how you don’t seem to be able to think before you speak; and this is something I know about, because I’ve been known to rant uncontrollably though, in your case, what you did was beyond … I mean, how else are we to explain that, during an interview with Vulture, you seemed to sharpen your fangs and dig right into just about everyone, most of whom you don’t even know, apparently.

You started off tame enough in the interview, bemoaning the fact that Hollywood tends to stereotype actors and since you’re playing a “funny gay kid” on TV you might always be seen as that. But then you decided to go after other actors, though, for the life of me, I cannot figure why.

When the subject of fellow actor Colton Haynes’ recent coming out came up, and how Colton may have teased on social media for a few months that maybe he was gay before he actually said the words, this was your take:

“That’s not coming out. That’s fucking pussy bullshit. That’s like, enough people assume that I sleep with men, so I’m just going to slightly confirm the fact that I’ve sucked a dick or two. That’s not doing anything for the little gays but giving them more masturbation material.”

Wow. So, you’ve has appointed himself the HOMO Director of Coming Out for the LGBT Community? I mean, we all come out when we want, when we need, when we feel it’s the right thing to do; sure, you probably came out after coming out from the womb, but that doesn’t mean everyone else has to follow your lead. So Colton Haynes chose his late twenties to come out. Who cares? I wonder what your take on Joel Grey might be since he waited until his 80s before saying, “I’m gay.” Is Joel a pussy, too, or is Colton a pussy because he teased about it?

But you quickly moved on from Colton Haynes, to Modern Family actor Eric Stonestreet and what you call his “gay minstrel performance” on TV:

“I’ve thrown Eric Stonestreet under the bus a solid seven times this week. … I think as wonderful of an actor as Eric Stonestreet is — I’ve never met him, I assume he’s a wonderful guy — he’s playing a caricature of a caricature of a stereotype of stereotype on Modern Family. And he’s a straight man in real life. And as hilarious as that character is, there’s a lack of authenticity. I think people — especially young gay kids — they can laugh at it, and they can see it as a source of comedy, but like, nothing more than that. And I want Kenny to be more than the funny gay kid.”

Um, Noah, open your eyes and take a good long look at the LGBT community; we are all kinds of people, from muscle men to mincing queens to nerds to jocks to … whatever; and however we are, however we act, we should never be demeaned for it. And that’s what you did when you mocked Eric Stonestreet’s character; you mocked every single effeminate and flamboyant and dramatic queen out there. But here’s the queer deal, Noah: some of us are like that, and some of us are not. And when we have to fight for recognition and are denigrated by people who hate The Gays because of the way some of us act, well, that is awful; but when one of our own denigrates us, that wound is more hurtful. Gay is all kinds of people, all colors and sizes and mannerisms and you need to remember that.

Of course, Noah you also decided to go after an “unnamed” guest actor on your show:

“There was a kid who guested on our show. He was flirting with me so blatantly, to the point where he asked me out a few times. At one point I turned to him and was like, Are you gay? And he was like, Well … I don’t know. I’m more like, go with the flow. And I was like, Shut the fuck up. Get out of my face with your wishy-washy bullshit answer. You’re a fucking faggot. Like, I know you are. You know you are. Stop beating around the bush. Just go make out with me in my dressing room.”

Are you trying to be funny, Noah, because you missed the mark. Maybe that guest actor was flirting with you because you are an openly gay man and he might be a little closeted and trying to find his way and this is how you speak to him? You really should be ashamed of yourself. But that isn’t the worst of your problems with saying whatever seems to pop in your head; it got worse when you talked about openly gay director Bryan Singer, who recently fought off an unproven allegation that he molested young boys:

“Yeah. Bryan Singer likes to invite little boys over to his pool and diddle them in the fucking dark of night. I want nothing to do with that. I think there are enough boys in L.A. that are questionably homosexual who are willing to do things with the right person who can get them in the door. In New York there is a healthy gay community, and that doesn’t exist in L.A.”

Um, Noah, that’s lawsuit shiz right there, unless you’re saying you have personal knowledge of what you’re talking about. And if you don’t … shut up. Just shut up.

Which might be what’s happening now; perhaps Bryan Singer’s attorneys speed-dialed ABC who emailed the PR department who called your manager who texted your agent who got into his Prius and raced to your house to tell you to shut the f**k up and start apologizing before ABC decides to send your TV character Kenny O’Neal on a long European vacation while his gay cousin, Stevie, visits from Cleveland for the next season and you’re out of a job

And so you instantly began to Tweet-apologize to everyone from Bryan Singer to Eric Stonestreet to Colton Haynes:

“I sincerely apologize to Bryan Singer for the horrible statement I made about him … My comments were false and unwarranted. It was irresponsible and stupid of me to make those allegations … and I deeply regret doing so. I have never been to Bryan’s house, and I admit there is no basis for any of the things I said or implied … I understand now that my statements were not at all funny and have serious implications.”

So, you know nothing of Bryan Singer but felt the need to spread false gossip? As what, a joke? A need for free publicity for your show? A desperate cry for attention? Whatever the reason …. Stop it. Well, after you apologized to Stonestreet and Haynes:

“To Colton Haynes and to the LGBTQ youth, especially those who have embraced our show, I have no right to dictate how or when anybody comes out of the closet; I know how difficult and scary the process of coming out can be, and the last thing I would ever want to do is make it scarier. For anyone. Lastly, as I said in the interview, I think Eric Stonestreet is a wonderful actor. I apologize to everyone that I’ve hurt with my comments and understand the damage that has been done. I am new to this and will certainly commit to being more thoughtful and wiser as I navigate all of this moving forward.”

Look, we’re all new to stuff, but take a minute to think before you speak and unless you know firsthand about someone, maybe don’t talk or joke or imply any kind of sexual misconduct with children?

And maybe try to be more understanding about when and why people come out; and learn that the LGBT community is made up of all kinds of people; Elton John … Jack Mackenroth … Nathan Lane … Tim Cook … Ellen … Lea DeLaria … Laverne Cox … Chaz Bono.

Noah Galvin. All different, and all having the right not to be judged by anyone for who they are, much less judged by one of our own.

I’ll end with the words of one of the people you don’t know, have never met, and yet felt the need to trash in print. After your apology, Colton Haynes said this:

“It’s extremely ironic that only a month ago I was tweeting [Noah Galvin} and saying that he should win an Emmy for his work. Then today he returns the favor by calling me a pussy and the worst to the entire world. Let me just clarify, I’ve never met this kid, so for him to judge me without even meeting [me] and having no idea the struggles I’ve been through or where I come from is absolutely uncalled for and quite frankly embarrassing on his part. … And since when did he become the judge of what’s appropriate. Shouldn’t we all be supporting each other? Enjoy all of your success. You’re young kid…hopefully you’ll eventually learn a thing or two. Good luck. I’m sure I’ll see ya around. – Colton Pussy Haynes”

Take a minute Noah, but keep apologizing, and learn a lesson. We are not all like you, and we are not at all like one another, except that we are gay. Our experiences, our lives, our choices on coming out, or not, are our choices.

You made your choice on when and how to come out and good for you. Maybe that’s what you should say the next time a person publicly comes out:

“Good for you.”

And then stop talking. 

I Didn't Say It

Eric Stonestreet, from Modern Family, on what he said when virulently anti-gay Rick Santorum asked to take a picture with him:

"Rick Santorum wanted a picture with me. It was at a time when he was publicly saying, 'Gay marriage, gay marriage [is wrong],' and I'm like, 'You know, I can't do it.' It was with him and his kids or something like that, and I said, 'I'd be happy to take a picture with the kids, but I can't just be in a picture with you."

Bravo. And how odd that Santorum would want a photo with the actor who plays a flamboyantly gay character on TV ... unless Ricky has something he wants to tell us?

Pat Robertson, on that Colorado baker who was found guilty of discriminating against a same-sex couple because he refused to bake them a cake for their wedding:

"It has to do with the city named Sodom that was given over to all kinds of perverse sex practices -- they even wanted to have sex with angels. And God destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah! That's what the term comes from -- the destruction! What the gays are saying is, ‘we’re going to drive you out of town, either you conform to us or you must leave.’ That’s the message that’s being put out, it’s the same message that there was in Sodom and Gomorrah: You’re either going to have sex with angels or have open sex with anybody or else you leave, or you go out of business. That’s America, you don’t want that, do you?”

Um, Pat, I know you must get a tingle in your happy place thinking about The Gay Sex™ but I’ve got news for you: we don’t want to have sex with straight people; we just wanted to be treated fairly.

Reeve Carney, Dorian Gray in Penny Dreadful actor, on his make-out scene with co-star Josh Hartnett:

"I knew that something like that would likely happen at some point and I figure, you know, you could certainly do a lot worse than Josh Harnett. It's probably all downhill for me in terms of any man-on-man action I might have on the show. They'll have to keep their game high!"

I was more excited thinking about Reeve Carney than Josh Hartnett.

Josh was the lucky one.

Mark Joseph Stern, writing for Slate about the ridiculous anti-marriage equality arguments:

"The problem here, of course, is that an honest answer — 'your honor, we believe gay people will destroy the marital institution altogether' — would undermine the supposedly secular, animus-free nature of these arguments. In developing them, anti-gay activists began with a conclusion — gay people don’t deserve the rights that we straight people have — then worked backward, camouflaging each prejudiced premise with a supposedly neutral talking point. Under any kind of scrutiny, these theories instantly fall apart, revealing their bigoted, constitutionally impermissible core. … And yet the inanity continues full-throttle, because gay marriage opponents have backed themselves into the corner they’ve always dreaded. They can’t give up their quest now — but they’re barred from citing the explanations that they truly believe, deep down, to be correct. The result is the current tailspin of idiocy, a shifting argument with rootless standards roaming from rationale to rationale in a desperate attempt to find shelter from the storm of progress swirling around it. It’s a pathetic display, but not an unpleasant one to witness. Stripped of all logic and reason, the argument against gay marriage has been reduced to gibberish. Enjoy the babbling while it lasts."

My thoughts exactly; see HERE and HERE.

Adam Zemke, Democratic Congressman for Michigan, on his proposed legislation to ban gay conversion therapy for minor:

"The evidence shows you cannot change sexual orientation, so the legislation was kind of a no-brainer. We want to make sure children cannot be exposed to situations that are emotionally harmful to them because of their parents' beliefs or desires to try to change their orientation."

Sounds pretty basic, and anyone with a brain knows you cannot convert someone’s sexual orientation. I mean, if you could, wouldn’t The Gays have been doing it for years … because, you know, we have that kind of power.