Bobservations

So, in our exciting lives, we had the gutters replaced and the next project is to remove the two skylights in the sunroom as one leaks in a bad storm—and you can’t really ever totally fix that—and one has a broken seal. And as the sunroom has windows at the top of the vaulted ceiling and is surrounded by four sets of sliding doors, we don’t need the extra glass.

So, our contractor Craig came by to talk about it and Carlos met him in the yard. As I entered our living room I saw Carlos and Craig standing outside the sunroom on the deck. Carlos wanted me to come outside so he knocked on the glass.

Not a knock-knock, or knock-knock-knock but a literal knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock- knock-knock-knock until I came to the door dropping a series of F-bombs along the way. I opened the slider:

“What?”

“Carig was talking about the roof.”

“And you felt the need to knock a thousand times?”

“I didn’t know if you heard.”

“Oh, I heard and I planned your death several times while walking toward the door.”

And then Craig chimed in:

“If I wanted to listen to two bitches bicker I would have stayed home and had a second cup of coffee with my wife.”

I never knew Craig was so funny. It made our day!

Tuxedo takes after his daddy because, as he notes, if you want to effect change: CAST A GODDAMNED VOTE! 

Again, the smartest cat ever!

Just the idea of walking down a beach and finding double-decker cakes on display! Yeeeeeee-haw!

I have several irrational fears … claustrophobia … being buried alive … trapped in the rubble of a tornado devastated home … sinkholes ... and a fear of heights.

I love being up high; love tall buildings with walls and railings to keep me from tumbling over; but looking over the edge of a cliff, or for the love of the goddess standing, on a steel I-beam during construction of a high rise? Bitch, please.

So I had seen photos of the construction workers in the 30s taking their lunch breaks sitting on an I-beam at the top of the Chrysler building and  just this week I saw this:

My knees are still quivering.

Consuelo is making a rare appearance this week looking like a perfect angel.

A perfect angel who woke me at 6:15AM to feed her … which I did … and then when Other Daddy crawled out of bed at 7:15AM she told him that she hadn’t been fed and was starving.

Evil little bitch.

So The Felon’s DOJ wants Luigi Mangione given the Death Penalty for the murder of Brian Thompson, the CEO of UnitedHealthcare.

Huh; murder a rich CEO and get capital punishment, but murder thousands of regular working-class people to save a few coins on insurance and that’s just business.

Yesterday morning over breakfast, with the news on, I was surprised to learn that Val Kilmer had passed away and said to Carlos:

“Val Kilmer died.”

“Donna Summer died?”

“Yes she did, about ten years ago at least, but this is Val Kilmer.”

“Oh, Val Kilmer.”

Like he knew another Kilmer? Oy.

Asshatted MAGAt Maggot, Indiana GOP Senator Jim Banks told a recently fired HHS worker that he deserved to get fired because he was a clown for asking about getting fired. Then this motherfucker doubled down:

“I won’t apologize for speaking the truth. I 100% support [The Felon] and DOGE’s mission to cut woke spending and government waste.”

Huh, so he doesn’t care about people losing their jobs and is anti-government waste. It makes me wonder about all the wasteful spending done by The Felon to play golf every week. I’m sure Maggot Banks has no issue there so let’s see how Indianans feel come election time and fire this fuck monkey.

Josh Upshaw is a familiar face in Italian Vogue, the CR Fashion Book, and W, as well as working with Steven Meisel for a Versace campaign but Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

I’ve said many times here on this blog that Carlos’ knowledge of Pop Culture is almost nil. I mean, the man thinks every single blond female singer is, as he calls her, Ma-dough-na, so this Carlos Tale is no real surprise.

The other night we were watching Jeopardy and the Final Jeopardy answer was;

“This female singer was first inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame as part of a group in 1997 but was also inducted as a solo artist in 2014.”

I instantly said:

“Stevie Nicks.”

Carlos begins to laugh, hard, and I ask why. In between snorts and guffaws, he says:

“They said female singer.”

It took me ten minutes to explain to him who Stevie Nicks is.

PS My answer was correct.

If you care about children’s lives at all, this should make you run to the polls and vote for pro-gun control candidates.

Thing 45 says he has a plan to deal with the homeless: open up large parcels of inexpensive land in the outer reaches of the city and put them in high quality tents.

Concentration camps.

Glenn Thompson, a Republican lawmaker from Pennsylvania joined the majority of his GOP colleagues in voting against a House bill that would codify federal protections for same-sex marriage.

Three days later he attended his gay son’s wedding and released a statement saying he and his wife “were thrilled to attend and celebrate their son’s marriage.”

You know, before it became illegal since that’s what Daddy wants.

I am always looking for the perfect corset to keep my girlish figure, and this one also comes with a hat! Win, win!

Being a musician, Carlos has a thing for commercial jingles, but being an Absentminded Professor type, he rarely remembers any words that go along with the jingle. The other morning an Ozempic commercial came on with their little jingle:

“♪ ♫ Oh-Oh-Oh-Ozempic♫ ♪”

 But Carlos sings:

“♪ ♫ Oh-Oh-Oh-Ocentric♫ ♪”

I explain to him that it’s Ozempic and not Ocentric, and he says:

“In my country it’s pronounced ‘centric.’”

I can’t win with that.

Since he's an idiot, GOP Congressman Matt Gaetz decided to steal a stance on pro-choice activists from Herschel Walker’s lump of fluff son at a rally over the weekend:

"Why is it that the women with the least likelihood of getting pregnant are the ones most worried about having abortions? Nobody wants to impregnate you if you look like a thumb … They're like five-two, 350 pounds and they're like, 'give me my abortions or I'll get up and march and protest.'”

I know, pig. The next week he was confronted by a reporter who asked if he was worried that his comments might offend anyone, and this tool replied:

“Be offended.”

I don’t think Matt Gaetz knows the power of women because most of the women he deals with are underage girls he meets as a sex trafficker.

PS  While the House overwhelmingly passed a bipartisan bill to support human trafficking victims by a vote of 401-20, Matt Gaetz, currently under federal investigation for the alleged sex trafficking of a 17-year-old girl, was a ‘No’.

I recently attended a funeral here in Smallville and during the service I asked the widow if I could say a word; she agreed, so I stood up and said:

“Plethora.”

I sat back down, she looked at me, smiled, and said:

“Thanks. That means a lot.”

Could have happened.

Oops, it appears Little Madison Cawthorn has no money to repay the supporters who donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to his reelection efforts even though he is required by law to refund the donations.

The campaign claims the money has already been spent … on trips to Chick-Fil-A, Papa’s Beer, high-end cigar shops, vacations in Florida and hundreds of thousands of dollars in consulting and fundraising fees Cawthorn paid to his friend and campaign manager, Blake Harp.

No mention of the money Madison spent on women’s lingerie for his cruise vacations.

Cayman Cardiff is a fitness model, actor and model, personal trainer and premed Student and also a hot hunk of homosexual himbo. So, Would You Hit It?

Carlos and The Globes

So we sat down to watch the Golden Globes last night, at least until Desperate Housewives and Brothers and Sisters came on, because Carlos will not miss those shows, and, well, I probably wouldn't either.
But as we watched the LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET--I feel one must shout those words--I felt a little like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada--side note: LOVE Anne Hathaway--with Meryl Streep--side note: ADORE Meryl Streep. You know, the scene, at the museum, where Anne's character Andy is to help Miranda identify people before they come speak to her, so she will look as though she knows everyone and everything?
Last night, I was Anne Hathaway, and Carlos was Miranda....Carmen Miranda, I guess.
See, as we're watching LIVE FROM THE RED CARPET, and these celebs would walk across the screen, I would announce them to Carlos.

That's Miley Cyrus. Hannah Montana? I don't know. Disney, I think. Anyway, I think she's the new Britney/Lindsay/Paris. She's going to be in rehab in a few years.

Oh, and that's Jeremy Pivens...no, he's not. He's kinda troll looking. Anyway, he just left a Broadway show because of "mercury poisoning" or because he just wanted out of the show. Moron.

Oooooh, Simon Baker. Loving.......him! He's Australian, you know. The Mentalist. Yum!

Eva Longoria....Parker. Oh, yes, you know her. Moving on.

Some girl from The Office. Well, I don't know who she is. But she looks twelve and that's a hideous dress. Cotton candy shouldn't even be eaten, much less made into a dress!

Salma Hayek...right, from Frida. She cannot go anywhere without hoisting "the girls" over the top of her dress.

Brad and Angelina. Love them!

Carlos, of course, knew that, but he laughed when they ignored Ryan Seacrest, who scampered down the stairs from his perch like a rat leaving a sinking ship to interview them, and they looked away. Ryan muttered something about how they had to rush in.....while they were standing on the carpet talking and posing. Poor Ryan.

Rene Zellwiger. Chicago? Right. What happened to her hair? What happened to her dress? Poor Rene. Some stylist will be looking for a new client tomorrow.

Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange! God, I love crazy. Drew's pulling off the Marilyn Monroe 'do' and Jessica just looks nuts....but in a good way, because I love her. Go rent A Thousand Acres.

Jello looks a mess. Oh god....back fat. Back. Fat. Jello, honey.....no......no.

There's Tom Cruise.....moving on....No talent lift-wearing homphobe.

Robert Downey Jr. Yeah, he's lookin' a little nutball, too. But he's had a nutball life, so......

Maggie Gyllenhaal. Gyllenhaal. Jake's sister? She was in The Dark Knight? Batman? With Heath Ledger? Right, Brokeback....with Jake Gyllenhaal.
Some take longer than others.

That's Laura Linney? She's in John Adams? We have the DVD.

Kate Winslet....Titanic. Yes, I know you've seen Titanic. She's made other movies, you know?

MERYL!!! I adore her!! Yes, i know you love Glenn Close, but Glenn Close is no MERYL!! Keep saying that and I'll boil a bunny!

Rumer Willis. Demi Moore and Bruce Willis' daughter. Yeah, I know, she looks older than her own mother. Only in Hollywood.

Mickey Rourke. He looks like he's been rode hard and put away wet.

Springsteen won! The Boss? Well, they call him The Boss. I don't know who they are, but that's what they call him.

And it went on and on and on.