The Funny Papers

Gary Huck, Lalo Alcaraz, Pedro X Molina, Jesse Duquette, Dennis Goris, Max Espinoza, Matt Davies, Dave Whamond, Daniel Boris, Bill Bramhall, Trevor Irvin, Barry Blitt,

Why Is It ...

… that I realized I may have a drinking problem because the other day over breakfast Carlos asked me to toast some bread for him and I raised my martini and said, “Here’s to bread!”

… that everything nowadays is so expensive ... even dirty deeds are no longer done dirt cheap.

… that I can't help but laugh at those little teenagers walking into school with their iced coffees. My generation took vodka to school in water bottles, rookies!

… that gas is so high that the mailman is working from home; he calls me and reads my bills to me.

… that the next time you’re down about life put it all in perspective. I have a friend that has sex 2 to 3 times a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week, and yet every day he complains how much he hates prison.

… that when something needs to be said and no one wants to say, I’m already over here clearing my throat. Don’t worry, I got this.

… that when I was eating chicken a vegan walked up to me and said, “What you’re eating had a family,” and I replied, “That’s why I ordered the family bucket. No one gets left behind.”

… that when people tell me swearing isn’t necessary I always shout, "I know it fucking isn't! I’m vulgar not stupid."

… that I don’t think I drink too much coffee but I do believe my body will keep moving up to forty-eight hours after my death.

… that my tastes have always been vanilla, more mild than wild. But I'm super into B&D now. Block and Delete.

I Didn't Say It ...

Hunter Biden, on his Nobel Peace Prize nominee:

“I am officially nominating Donald J. [Cankles] for the Nobel Peace Prize. No president in history has ended the same war so many times. Our Dear Leader has ended the war with Iran at least 38 times by CNN’s count. No president has ever done this before. And he is nowhere near finished ending it. It’s a record worthy of the Nobel committee’s recognition. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

And just yesterday the ceasefire was off, again, and the bombing was on, again, and gas price soared, again.

And he was profiting from the job.

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Cory Booker, Democrat Senator from New Jersey, on the Presidential Grift™:

“If you put $100 dollars into [Cankles’] meme coin just before the inauguration, it’s be worth $2.34 today. But [Cankles]? We just learned he’s up $635 million. Then there’s that $526,810,321 he made in token sales from the family crypto company and the $196,875,000 he made from the family stable coins. And the $65,625,000 he made from an equity sale  in the family crypto company. Remember, this is all from last year. [He] has been running a full-on crypto scam out of the Oval Office. He’s a disgrace.”

Well, he’s actually a lying cheating racist rapist, sexual predator pedophile disgrace.

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Michael Franken, US Navy Admiral Retired, disproving the GOP ongoing lie about voter fraud:

“In Utah, Republicans completed a comprehensive voter investigation looking for voter fraud. Of two million voters, [only] one non-citizen registered to vote and no non-citizen voted. Voter fraud is a Republican myth, and the Save Act is Republican nonsense.”

It’s no myth, it’s a lie and their only desperate attempt to keep their jobs. If Democrats get out and vote in record numbers—remember, we outnumber the GOP—this lie will die, just like the GOP.

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Raja Krishnamoorthi, Democrat Representative from Illinois, promising to take on the USPS over mail-in voting:

“If the postal service moves forward with [Cankles’] plan to restrict mail ballot delivery, I’ll pursue a Congressional subpoena of the Postmaster General and lead efforts to remove him from office. No administration should be able to use the Postal Service to make it harder for Americans to vote.”

Fight fire with fire; file suit against every single attempt the GOP puts forth to steal the election.

Oh, and remember that Cankles and his entire family vote by mail so if they trust the process shouldn’t you?

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David Frum, political commentator and former speechwriter for George W. Bush, on the disaster that is Cankles:

“Few of us have access to full information on how [Cankles] lost the Iran War. But we can all see the fiasco that [he] has made of the 250^th anniversary [of American independence] celebrations. Watching [him] fail at something easy helps illustrate why he was doomed to mess up anything difficult.”

His birthday; the ballroom; the reflecting pool; the war; America’s birthday; the American State Fair; that Knicks game; the US game in the World Cup.

It all goes to shiz because he’s inept and demented.

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James Talarico, Democrat candidate for Senator from Texas, demolishing Ted Cruz for smearing him as not "masculine" enough to win in Texas:

"Yeah, there's been a lot of talk in this race about what it means to be a real man and recently on the campaign trail, I told the story of my adoptive dad, the man who gave me his last name, the man who raised me as his own. Every Saturday morning, Mark Talarico would mow our lawn, whether it was rain or shine, whether he wanted to or not, he insisted on mowing our lawn himself. And then without anyone asking him to, he would go next door and mow our neighbor's lawn because our neighbor was elderly, she was a widow. And my dad never talked about it. He just did it. Because that's what a man does. A man takes responsibility. A man upholds his commitments to his family and his neighbors. A man does what's right even when no one is watching. And here's what real men don't do... They don't lie and cheat their way through life. They don't sell their soul to the highest bidder. They don't steal from other people in order to enrich themselves. And so I've said before, and I will keep saying, that real men serve others. Weak men serve themselves and so I welcome this debate about what it means to be a man. And I don't think Ken Paxton or Ted Cruz are in a position to tell anybody what a real man is."

Someone should tell Ted Cruz that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. After Cankles called Rafael’s wife ugly during the 2016 Republican primary, Cruz went on to kiss the ring and the ass of Cankles; he sold his own family in pursuit of power; so manly.

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Bobservations

The other day I got a text from Carlos at about 4PM saying we needed to rethink dinner.

I.Was.Terrified.

But I texted back and asked why. Well, it seemed he had made rice and veggies and chicken stir-fry but he used a box of chicken broth from the refrigerator that neither one of us knew how long it’s been there.

The answer? Too long. So Carlos said he was starting again with the rice and veggies but couldn’t thaw out any kind of protein even though he had about two hours until dinner.

I arrived home about 5PM and found some andouille sausage in the freezer, thawed it in seconds in the microwave, sliced it, sautéed it, added it to the veggies and chicken , adjusted the spices and in ten minutes we had dinner.

I believe he did that on purpose and I say that because of the sly yet evil grin he had on his face as we ate dinner.

He won … that round.

This Tale of Tuxedo is from April 2020 and is all about Tuxedo’s political activism … As a "cat of color" Tuxedo sympathized with those men and women who were subjected to the Show-me-your-papers laws of Arizona and subsequently decided to go into hiding himself because he does not have the proper documentation.

If I had known at any time while I was in school that you could have had cakes in the library I might have spent more time there!

How is it that Antifa is this huge threat to America but actual Nazis—albeit the chickenshit kind who live in their parent’s basements and wears masks so they don’t get fired from Chick-fil-A—can march through the capitol and that's totally fine? If they are so damn proud why are they covering their faces?

Anyone else find it weird that Cankles can never let go of a grudge? I mean, he still rants about Obama and Biden and Hillary and even Rosie O’Donnell but he never says one single word about any of those people who ALLEGEDLY tried to assassinate him.

It’s as if those attempts weren’t real. 

Now, this comes from a homosexual man so you know that there’s nothing sexual about it at all, but in  this dress I will say that Lupita Nyong'o is the hottest human being on the planet.

That’s all.

Kevin McCarthy, on the Graham Platner sexual assault scandal, boasted that the GOP runs predators out of their party … like the rapist who’s been in the White House for over five years?? 

Tristan Ridel is a French ballet dancer and Demi Soloist at the Vienna State Opera and also models, so Would You Hit It … the dancer or the model or both?

Architecture Wednesday: San Francisco Oasis

I love San Francisco; I have lived in San Francisco. And if I had the coins I’d be living in this house in San Francisco; in this most remarkable modern oasis that is unlike any home. Located South of Market, and sited behind unassuming concrete walls and doors of steel is a most tranquil retreat.

When you walk through the doors you enter into your own never-before-seen private park, a haven of mature trees and lush botanicals. On the left is a set of oversized casement windows, with French doors that open to a dramatic foyer. Inside, soaring wooden ceilings unite adjacent rooms and skylights while three sets of large glass walls visually extend the living space to the verdant outdoors while floors of warm, polished concrete suggest the casual sophistication of urban living.

At centerstage lies the living room—accented by a large skylight and a fireplace. At one of the sets of glass casement windows, the dining area becomes al fresco with the opening of French doors. A bright, modern kitchen, with substantial countertops and storage, fuels entertaining lies just behind the living area. A large library or home office or secondary living area is sunlit by a skylight and a third set of large casement windows. At the front of the home sliding doors of frosted glass open to the ensuite bedroom with a fireplace & spa-like bathroom with dual vanities and a glass-enclosed shower. Plus, there is tandem off-street parking for three cars in an oasis in the midst of one of the greatest cities on Earth and at just $4.6M.

Now where did I put my checkbook?

As always click to emBIGGERate …

Dwell