Shake The Etch-a-Sketch: Our Twelve-and-Twenty-Six Anniversary

Here we are, another trip around the sun and Carlos and I are celebrating Twelve-TwentySix … twelve years legally married and twenty-six years … my how the time flies. So sit back, and let me tell the tale again …

We all do it to an extent; follow a line or path that we set up for ourselves. We plod a course, the straight and narrow some might say, and then walk that line toward a particular destination we've imagined we want. And every so often we twist the knobs on the Etch-a-Sketch of our lives  and a new course is charted, moving in a direction we hadn't thought of before. But it’s a slow curve most of the time, not dangerous and we can still see where we're going and can always go back if we don’t like the choice.

But what about shaking the Etch-a-Sketch? What about saying, screw that line, damn that curve. Let me hold on tight, both hands, and shake things up. See, I was an Etch-a-Sketch person, following the easy line, the one I thought I was meant to follow. I didn't stray too far off the path; who am I kidding, I never strayed off the path. But then it hit me, following the path, that straight line or that gentle curve, and where are you going? Toward another straight line, one more gentle curve? What was that all about?

My first shake was telling my parents I was gay. That was a big shake at the time, although now it seems more of a 'so what.' But I thought it was a big deal because I didn't have a real-life reference point on what it meant to be gay. What were the rules? Was there a uniform? Did I have to pay dues? What was it? In my family there were no 'funny uncles' or 'aunts in plaid' that I could see; that I could say, "Hey, I'm like that, so it must be okay." The only gay men I knew were the limp-wristed types on TV shows and in the movies. They wore ascots and paisley jackets, were sarcastic and alone. Terry-Thomas? No, not me. Uncle Arthur, I was not....at least I didn't think so.

So I shook the Etch-a-Sketch and came out and no one died and no one fainted and my family didn't disown me; my parents’ response was, “We love you.” Now, I lost a few friends, but maybe they weren't really friends to begin with if "I'm gay" causes them to disappear. I'm gay … Poof … you’re gone. It's like a homo David Copperfield.

I was out, and yet the Etch-a-Sketch was still giving me straight lines—I’ll save you the horror of joking about me following a 'straight' line because it’s already been done—and gentle curves. But then in 1999—so last century—I decided to give Etch-a-Sketch another nudge and I got a computer. Yes, I was late to the game, again, but I began looking around the Internet and found AOL and the series of chat rooms they had. I found one called Gay Lifestyles, and it was a fun chatty room where you could be gay, where you could step off the line a bit because no one really knew you.

I met Carlos in that chat room. The Etch-a-Sketch bumped a little and we started chatting online; another turn of the knobs and we took to the phones, and then the mail. He was in Miami, I was in California, but then I took a leap and told him I wanted to meet him . He was thrilled and plans were made for me to fly to Miami in July.

JULY? IN MIAMI? Oy! What was I thinking?

I bought plane tickets and readied myself to take a sharp turn. I realize now that my life had been split into Old Bob and New Bob. See, Old Bob would have bought the tickets to Miami, told everyone he was going, and got on the plane, but when it made a stop in Houston, Old Bob would get off the plane, find a Motel 6, and spend the week there. Then he'd return home and tell everyone that Carlos was 'okay' and the trip was 'fine.' I'd ignore Carlos' phone calls … I think I invented ghosting y’all … and stay off the computer. I'd go back to following that line.

New Bob didn't do that. New Bob flew to Miami, met Carlos, and spent a wonderful week in Florida. New Bob fell in love with Carlos and cried at the airport when he had to go home. New Bob's Etch-a-Sketch was shaking. And it was okay; twists and jogs in the path weren't anything to fear.

A month after I came home, Carlos came to California and met my family. I was so happy to have him there; so happy that my family liked him; my friends, too. But then he was gone, back to his home again and I wondered what would happen next.

It wasn't but a few weeks before I hurled the Etch-a-Sketch across the room and chose to follow the path I chose, not one that was arbitrarily set out for me. Carlos and I made plans for me to move to Miami. I sold a car, some furniture, some knickknacks; I got rid of my apartment and quit my job because I realized that every once in a while, you gotta Shake the Etch-a-Sketch … or toss it out altogether.

So, where does this all lead? It leads to today, twenty-six years after I stepped off another plane in Florida, though this time I was staying for good. We started our life together, all the good times and the bumpy times, and we are still here.

After six years together we moved to South Carolina, of all places, but made a wonderful family out of our circle of friends who celebrated with us when we chose to get married in October of 2014. Marriage equality was happening, even in South Carolina and since we had longed talked about being married, and having our friends and family, coworkers, strangers, the check-out girl at the Food Lion, the waiter who brought me another cocktail, and the world, or at least our corner of the world, know that we weren’t just a couple, we weren’t close friends, we weren’t partners—though those are all good things—we wanted to be Mister and Mister.

On October 17, 2014—fourteen years to the day that I moved to Miami—we were back across the country in Bellingham, Washington, to be married with my father as a witness.

And pause … y’all know that  I lost my Dad in 2024 and we celebrated our first anniversary without a Dad card and phone call wishing us more love and happiness. That was a Shake the Etch-a-Sketch moment I hadn’t thought about. I will be thinking of my Dad today, and my mother who loved Carlos the instant she knew I loved him.

So, we’re back …  I seriously never thought I would see the day that I would ... that I could ... marry Carlos,  but we did just that. I remember as a kid—a not-yet-out-but-knowing-I-was-different kid—telling my mother that I would never get married, but I would have a maid to take care of my kids. I remember that story and realize now that might have been my first shot at coming out—as a six-year-old, I think—because, even then, I never thought I could get married, never thought I’d be allowed to get married and create my own version of family and home.

And so we did it, and while it has been lovely, raucous, and fun, and there have been down times and sad times and bad times, but, as Elaine Stritch would say—and god am I gay … Elaine Stritch!—we’re still here.

And looking forward, always forward, and while I didn’t say this myself—Charlotte said it in one of those Sex and the City movies … again, god I’m gay—I like to say that I am happy every single day with Carlos. Not all day, every day, because that’s life, but every single day for the last twenty-five years, for some small or large part of the day, I have realized how happy I am and how happy he makes me, and that I am still crazy in love with him.

And that’s something to celebrate!

Happy Anniversary, baby. I love you, always, ever.

I Didn't Say It ...

Viola Davis, actor, on a Halloween costume at Target that seems a bit racist and the store’s apology for it:

“Target, I do not accept your apology, and I do not believe that you understand the impact … the pain … the dehumanization of the above. These images laid the foundation and the ideology for every atrocity that has been committed against my people. We MATTER!! You have shown us that you are not on OUR side.”

Target called the costume the "Kids’ Glows Under Blacklight Circus Clown Halloween Costume.” I think they totally missed the mark and even I see the hideous history behind that costume.

Target pulled the item—that’s it, below right--and said the company “got this wrong,” was “deeply sorry,” and is “looking closely at how this happened.”

Some racist running things at HQ seems plausible.

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Zohran Mamdani, Democrat Socialist Mayor of New York City, on the mourning of both Israelis and Palestinians:

“There must be room to mourn the lives of the more than 1100 Israelis that Hamas killed three years ago. There must be room to mourn the 74,000 Palestinians the Israeli government [has] killed since. What I appreciated about being at the vigil yesterday was a vigil that brought together New Yorkers to read testimonies of their own family members [and] of others who’ve been killed either on that day or in the genocide since and ends with a shared vision for peace and an end to the genocide.”

This killing needs to end.

Why the government of Israel would decimate an entire country because of a group of terrorists is beyond me. Punish Hama and not the people.

And blame Israel for it, not the Jewish people.

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Andrew Scott, out actor starring in Elsinore in which he plays Ian Charleson who was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS in 1989 and the importance of telling stories about the AIDS crisis:

“I welcome things like Heartstopper and Heated Rivalry and Red, White, and Royal Blue and all those things that are joyful. I really, really, really do. And I think the fact that there’s lots of different types of gay drama, so to speak, on film [and] television is extraordinary. It troubles me a little bit because I think people perhaps don’t want to go back to a time when you’re talking about the AIDS crisis, or you’re talking about [a time] when it was incredibly difficult for gay people. I think that sometimes comes from a place of shame. You go, ‘I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to see that anymore.’ There’s something a little troubling about that for me, to say: ‘I don’t want to go and see something that was a difficult time.’ Because the shame does not lie with the gay people. The shame lies with the governments who ignored the AIDS crisis and the stigma that was around people and the innate prejudice that was in society. That’s someone else’s shame.”

The shame is those who did nothing.

The shame is on those who cheered gay men dying.

We must never forget.

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Pete Buttigieg, former Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg, saying Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth should resign:

“Well, Secretary Hegseth is attacking Americans he disagrees with politically, while failing to deal with the actual enemy in Iran so he has no business lecturing various people domestically that he doesn’t like. He needs to get to work and get us better results. [Hegseth and the Cankles’ regime] have created a huge strategic problem for the United States that will reverberate long beyond this war itself because they brought out the kinetic power of the most powerful military in the world, the American military, and failed to get their way,” Buttigieg said. “When that happens, you have created a massive problem for the safety of the American people, for the credibility of the American military. [Hegseth] should be working overtime, or better yet, he should be stepping aside and letting somebody who knows what they’re doing take that all-important office at the Pentagon and try to do a better job.”

Buttigieg noted that the current president promised not to get into foreign wars, and noted that the presidential administration pledged to get Iran’s unconditional surrender and to keep the Strait of Hormuz, an international waterway vital to global trade, open. Now, nearly eight months into the conflict, Iran hasn’t surrendered, and the strait remains closed.

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Dan Levy, out actor, has called out ALLEGED comedian Shane Gillis over remarks he made about women during his SNL opening monologue last weekend:

“Women wearing short shorts at the gym does not make them whores. It makes the men calling them ‘whores’ misogynists. There's a difference there. By the way, I've seen more men's nipples at the gym than I've ever seen women showing their bodies off. But I'm speechless that something like that can exist on live national television. And to be perfectly honest, more men need to be standing up in opposition to it because it's complacency that has created the environment in which women are sexually assaulted and it's a 'conversation' as opposed to a 'crime.' This is not a women's issue, this is an everybody issue. Because the more that men objectify women in the media, the more that other men see them as objects and treat them as objects. They are not objects. They are superior human beings to men, OK? And I'm sorry if this gets me in trouble with the internet, but fuck."

Levy specifically took issue with a portion of Gillis' monologue in which the comedian described going to the gym and observing that "women just dress like whores now."

So, so funny … cough.

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Bobservations

There’s this thing at our house where I go back to the office to pay bills, work on my blog, do paperwork, or whatever, and Carlos comes back about every few minutes to ask me this or that, or show him this or that. I always joke that if I want Carlos around just get on the computer and he’ll show up.

Last Saturday, he did just that; every four minutes or so … help move a table … fix the new duster he bought … tell him what color that shirt is. The last time he came back, I answered his question and then told Siri to set a five-minute Carlos-Is-Going-To-Annoy-Me timer and she said:

“You five-minute Annoy Me timer is set.”

I.Died.

Carlos.Sulked.

This episode of Cats is from August 2011 and is entitled WTF? It's Monday And I'm As Happy As A Basket Of Cats

Except these two don't look so happy .......

The late greats MaxGoldberg and Tuxedo, BFFs.

One of Cankles lapdogs is of the Homosexual breed and is named Scott Bessent ... why he would work for an anti-LQBTQ+ asshat is amazing to me ... but even more amazing is that this week Bessent actually said that Cankles told him all of Melanie’s female friends—AKA other Slovenian hookers—have asked to be set up with Bessent but are stunned he’s gay.

Uh huh.

Now to scrub my eyes and mind of everything Bessent, howsabout some outdoorsy cakes?

Talk about a foot fetish.

Alexander Skarsgård is well known for his fashion fearlessness, and his latest promotional tour he hit the “Wicker” red carpet in London in an eye-catching all-gold Saint Laurent suit and some freaky footwear.

What say you about the shoes?

For those of you drinking the Amazon Kool-Aid please remember this every Prime Day …

Bezos and Amazon help fuel ICEstapo deportation.

Bezos and Amazon gave $100 million to Cankles’ inauguration,

Bezos and Amazon scrapped plans to display tariff costs after pressure from Cankles.

Bezos and Amazon donated to Cankles’ ballroom and the destruction of the East Wing.

Bezos and Amazon want to reboot The Apprentice with Cankles’ Coke-headed son.

Seriously. Eat the rich.

Kacey Musgraves has zero fucks to give and took a swipe at fired former Homeland Security secretary Kristi Noem, after Noem took slammed Musgraves for having Texas Senate candidate James Talarico at her concert over the weekend by saying:

“I don’t think you have a dog in this fight but if you did you would have shot it.”

Smack! Bam! Pow!

And then … Kacey Musgraves has a mariachi band of teenage brothers detained by the ICEstapo open another one of her concerts in Texas.

That’s the energy we need.

Raphael Diogo is an American model of Brazilian descent, renowned for his undeniable presence in the fashion industry and his background as a Ju-Jitsu world champion so Would You Let Him Hit You or Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Triangular Home

Welcome to your Tulum-inspired contemporary masterpiece, where innovation meets tranquility in the heart of East Austin. This architectural gem spans 2,104 square feet across three levels, topped with a rooftop terrace that offers a breathtaking panorama of the city's dynamic skyline.

 For the thinkers, doers, innovators, influencers, tech workers, and entrepreneurs seeking a home that embodies both style and substance, this residence is a rare find, with 3 bedrooms and 2.5 baths, and a dedicated third-floor master suite, the layout offers space to nurture your ideas and recharge your inspiration.

Step inside to discover a blend of materials such as polished concrete floors on the main level, white oak wood flooring on the second and third floors, custom hardwood cabinetry adorned with antique brass hardware, while the kitchen boasts Brazilian black moon soapstone countertops and a natural gas cooktop; in the primary bedroom, a 6-foot custom concrete soaker tub offers a perfect retreat, inviting relaxation and inspiring creativity.

This home is a showcase of cutting-edge design and advanced technology, with the latest security systems integrated seamlessly throughout. Expansive windows fill the space with natural light, drawing attention to the custom steel architectural staircase, a true work of art. The smart home features offer a sophisticated, futuristic touch that enhances everyday living.

Beyond its walls, the exterior features seamlessly integrate with nature. Hot-rolled steel panels frame the first floor, harmonizing with a clear coat western cedar on other surfaces. The cinderblock perimeter fence offers privacy while creating your oasis of relaxation with a beautifully tiled plunge pool. 

This isn’t just a home—it's a bold statement in design, waiting for that perfect match and is unpriced and accepting offers. 

As always click to emBIGGERate …

 Dwell

Meme Dump