The Funny Papers

Joe Heller, Pedro X Molina, Mike Luckovich, Matt Davies, RJ Matson, Matt Wuerker, Nick Anderson, Michael de Adder, Steve Sack, Gary Huck, Max Espinoza, Adam Zyglis, Phil Hands

Why Is It ...

… that people don’t remember that I don’t take constructive criticism from someone who has never constructed anything.

… that when I agreed with my therapist who said I was unstoppable, he said, “I said you were unstable,’ and I replied, “Meh. Tomato, potato.”

… that people need to know that if they want to paint me as a villain please wait until I pose.

… that no one realizes that being an adult is easy, it’s like riding a bike … that’s on fire … everything is on fire. You’re in Hell

… that when I fuck things up I fuck them up so badly that people wonder for years how I managed to do it.

… that no one notices that I wear my angel wings every day, but the minute I take them off and beat somebody with them suddenly everyone’s a witness

… that people call me mean but they don’t realize that I’m not mean, I am just not actively making you comfortable

… that I’ve just realized that life would be much easier if I could just mark people as spam

… that people who don’t understand that I’ve never had a mid-life crisis don't realize it's because my entire life is a crisis.

… that I feel like I am emotionally constipated since I haven’t given a shit in a really long time

I Didn't Say It ...

Ana Navarro, The View cohost, slamming Caitlyn Jenner for whining about the way she’s being treated as a trans woman by The Regime:

"I'm going to quote trans advocate Janetta Johnson, who said this in 2015: 'Jenner is a rich, white bitch. She can pay for everything she needs. But I think she now needs to put some of that money back into the transgender community, as she has taken a lot. All these years, we've been abused and battered, yet she's used none of her power to help the community.’ Caitlyn Jenner? Girl, cry me a river. Let me play my little violin for you. Changing the marker on the passports is an executive order that he signed on day one, so if you think he didn't know what he was doing, if you think he wasn't fulfilling a campaign promise because, as you say, he absolutely exploited this issue in order to get people to the polls. I think there's a special place in hell for people who only care about themselves and don't care about the effect on others.”

The saddest thing of all is that Jenner doesn’t even see her hypocrisy; she seems to be begging us to feel sorry for her when she stood up and voted for a regime that has tried to erase trans people from the start, and by her own support, and involvement, remember she ran for governor of California in 2021 as a Republican, the party that has worked to remove trans people, to deny trans people.

Don’t feel sorry for her, she is the problem.

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Hasan Piker, American Twitch streamer, influencer, and left-wing political commentator, speaking at Harvard:

“[Cankles’] budget manages to be $361 billion larger than last year, despite cutting $300 billion in social programs and public investments. All of that money is going to policing and endless war. It’s not going for bridges, tunnels, and it’s not going to healthcare. Every single one of you, regardless of your political affiliation, should consider that money stolen from you.”

How do you make America better when you spend billions on war instead of billions on America? How do you make America better by making the majority of Americans poorer while giving tax breaks to the richest 1%?

That doesn’t work; time for a regime change.

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Bernie Sanders, Democrat Senator from Vermont, on the need for a new Democratic party that truly reflects Democrats:

“The Democratic Party needs a major transformation. It can no longer be a top-down, billionaire-funded, consultant-driven party. It must be a multi-generational, multi-racial, working-class party. In a time of growing oligarchy and authoritarianism, that’s the only path to victory.”

It should be, could be, the party of We The People, not We The Rich, We The Corporation, We The White Man, We The Christian.

Vote Blue no matter who.

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Zohran Mamdani, Democrat Socialist Mayor of New York City, on politics today:

“To be honest, I don’t think too much about how Republicans portray me. The power of an ideology is judged in the worth of its delivery—to be told a city-run grocery store is implausible but $500 million per day to kill people in Iran and Lebanon is necessary speaks to a broken politics.”

Healthcare is impossible because, as Cankles said, we have a war to fund; Medicaid and Medicare, too, cannot be funded when war is to be waged to enrich the richest among us. Think of how much could be done in America, and for Americans, with $500 million a day.

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Wil Wheaton, actor, writer, blogger, and voice actor, on Nazi Tucker Carlson’s sudden swift on Cankles:

“Hi Tucker Carlson. It’s me, a normal person who you mocked and bullied when we tried to warn you about all of this, who doesn’t have your wealth and privilege to insulate himself from the consequences of  your support for a criminal. Yep, you fucked up. Yep, you were wrong. Glad you’re finally aware [but] no, you are not forgiven. No, you are not welcomed with open arms. You can go fuck yourself you opportunistic coward. Have the day you voted for.”

Tucker carried water for Cankles, lied for Cankles lied about Cankles for the last ten years or so and now his eyes opened and he sees Cankles for the rapist, racist, con artist that he is?

Hey, Fucker, I saw him for what he is years before he ever glided down that gold escalator to announce his first bid for the White House, but his racism and hate for all things non-white suited you just fine so you propped him up.

You got what you wanted and your change of heart is meaningless.

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Jon Ossoff, Democrat Senator from Georgia, at a Georgia reelection rally:

“I don’t know if you saw, but JD Vance was in Georgia this week. Don’t worry—no one showed up. The stadium was empty. But JD came to UGA to attack the pope two days after [Cankles] depicted himself as Jesus Christ. Did you hear what the president said two weeks ago? Quote: ‘It’s not possible … for us to take care of daycare, Medicaid or Medicare… We can only afford to fund war.’ Because draft-dodging [Cankles] loves sending other people’s children to war. Instead? A war no one voted for and no one can explain. And the daily, the hourly lying to the American public about why we’re at war, whether we’ve won, what’s been agreed to, not to mention the insane genocidal threat. On day 10 of the war, the president said, quote: ‘The war is very complete.’ That was day 10. Then, day 11: ‘Going to be finished pretty quickly.’ Day 12: ‘We won.’ Day 21: ‘Getting very close.’ Day 32: ‘Leaving very soon.’ Day 40: ‘Total and complete victory.’”

Cankles said yesterday that he will end Iran if they don’t capitulate and then turned right around and changed his mind again.

This is who is in charge? A bumbling, demented, Adderall-addicted child raping grifter? We can, and should, do better.

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Bobservations

This Tale of Carlos is about Carlos and Thomas, the cat.

Years before Carlos and I met, he would walk his dog through the neighborhood and one day he came upon this very large cat sitting on a fence post. As he and the dog passed the cat jumped down and followed them. On the return trip home, the cat climbed back onto the fence post to ... wait for someone else I guess?

This happened for weeks and each day the cat would follow Carlos and the dog closer to Carlos’ house until one day he came into the house and never left. Thomas, he was named, and Carlos took him to the animal hospital where he worked to see if Thomas could be adopted out since no one from the neighborhood claimed him. Carlos gave Thomas in a cat bed on the counter but Thomas wouldn’t lay down; he sat upright and refused to move until a client came in and then he’d scare them by turning his head—many thought he was a stuffed cat.

But no one took him home so Carlos kept him, and I met him a few years later and he was a beast, but a lovable beast. He liked to travel the neighborhood and lay in people’s yards but then come home to us for dinner sand bed. One day Thomas didn’t return and a neighbor came to tell us that their dog had chased Thomas, who by then was too old to run fast, and killed him. The neighbor assumed that a silk orchid and a Publix gift card was the right gift for having your cat killed.

Carlos and I cried because the beast was gone but he had a darn fine life with Carlos, and then me and the dog and seven other cats.

And here he is …

This Tale of Tuxedo is from way back in June 2009 …

Apparently somebody had a rough night, because, right after breakfast, he was back in bed. Perhaps this explains the empty bottle of vodka I found under the couch.

He was his daddy’s boy!

Caitlyn Jenner recently admitted to something we all knew … she’s a hypocrite, who worked against transwomen in sports while she played in the Pro/Am golf circuit … and now she’s playing the Poor Me card. See, she is begging Cankles for help after the gender marker on her passport was changed from female to male and crying about it on Fox News:

“Recently, I had my passport, I had to get it renewed. I sent it back, comes back gender marker ‘M’ … So now … what do I do? This is a safety factor. I can’t travel internationally anymore. I can’t use my passport.”

Neither can any other trans person you coward but you only care about it when it affects you personally even though you voted for it.

Take a fucking seat.

A little-known fact about me was that I ran track in high school and college. I was pretty good except for when we had meets against this other school and I always placed second to this other guy. No matter how I tried I could never ever get ahead of him and to this day I cannot think of why that happened.

That Woman’s facelift is ALLEGEDLY not keeping up with the Kardashian matriarch. Rumor has is that she is very unhappy that her $100,000 facelift is failing almost a year after getting the procedure done. And so now she’s looking into a “revision” after comparing her results to those of her fellow celebrities …

… Before her new face completely slides off and reveals her actual lizard mug.

See, l

Poor Kristi DogKiller Noem has had a rough few weeks ... after getting fired mid-speech at a Nashville conference ... and after ALLEGEDLY finding out about her husband Bryon’s bimbofication fetish ... after claiming to be “blindsided” by Byron’s addiction until the story broke that Bryon had gone to a Christian-based counseling back rehab in January which she knew about.

See, like Cankles, when Kristi’s lips move she’s either lying or blowing Corey on a jet. But now it appears that Cankles—who humiliated her by promising  a fake job to make sure she missed the filing deadline to run for a Senate seat—is about to hire Cameron Hamilton to run FEMA … a year after Noem fired him from that job.

Karma is a bitch, and somewhere Cricket the dog is laughing!

Remember when the Texas GOP voted to redraw the districts in their state to give an edge to the Rapist-Racist-Fascist-Pedophile In-Chief and then cheered at the thought of taking away the will of the people?

Well, in Virginia they put a redistricting measure on the ballot and the people of Virginia voted Yes.

Guess which outcome has the GOP in tears?

Matteo Ferri is a 25-year-old Italian model now based in New York City, you know, so he’s close by … soooooo, Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: From Stable to Tiny House

In 1850, this apartment was nothing more than a small stable at the end of a typical Parisian paved courtyard overlooking Boulevard Garibaldi. It had a tiled roof supported by an oak framework with a hayloft on the first floor.

At that time, the Boulevard Garibaldi was the rampart between the city of Paris and the beginning of the city of Issy. Between 1853 and 1870, the boulevard was built and the stable was incorporated into a Haussmanian building facing the boulevard. With the disappearance of the horses and the appearance of the metro, a façade was created and the stable became a small apartment.

In 2024, the apartment underwent a complete renovation. Everything was transformed and renovated. Curves are an integral part of this achievement; they hug the existing walls and facades and link the spaces together.

The main space is one room with an angled wall and windows open to the street; a small living and dining area fills that nook with a nice modern kitchen at the other end. It is a small space, clearly, but the high ceilings and unused attic space allowed for the creation of an additional level for a sleeping loft linked to the main floor by a custom-made curved staircase.

The project gives full place to natural materials and traditional techniques to give a second breath of life to the building: a crawl space regulates the humidity of the ground; the oak framework was repaired, lightened, and sanded; and the stone walls were plastered with a mixture of natural lime and pigments. The brick façade walls are insulated from the outside with wood fiber and a lime-hemp plaster is sprayed on the inside.

It's not for me, because that small living area would drive me crazy, but I love the rest of it … perhaps if I could bust through the space next door and add a few feet to the living room?

Dwell

Meme Dump