The Funny Papers

Daniel Boris, Bill Bramhall, Gary Huck, Michael de Adder, Christopher Shields, Clay Bennett, Frank Mariani, RJ Matson, Adam Zyglis, Pedro X Molina, Nick Anderson, Max Espinoza

Why Is It ...

… that we have anger management classes but we don’t have stupidity management classes? You can be dumb but I can’t be angry?

… that you need to know that someone, somewhere, right now, is thinking of you and the impact you’ve made on their life, but it isn’t me cuz I think you’re an effing idiot.

… that people don’t understand that I’m not really a “people person,” I am more of a “one human at a time, by appointment only” kind of person ... “no walk-ins allowed.”

… that when my therapist asked what triggers me and I replied, “Nouns,” she didn’t understand until I added, “People, places and things.”

… that I just learned that the serving size for chips is ten; hell, I eat ten chips while trying to decide if I want chips.

… that people are just now learning how good water is for you … you want to lose weight, drink water … you want clear skin, more water … don’t like a person, drown them. Water is amazing.

… that people are all against cigarettes, sugar and booze now but forget who was there for you when your life fell apart; hint: it wasn’t broccoli.

… that people can’t understand why The Wizard of Oz is my all-time favorite movie? I mean, dropping houses on a bitch, making them melt and shiz, I live for that.

… that men don’t test anti-wrinkle creams on their ball sack first? If it gets wrinkles out of that, I’m buying that shiz in bulk.

I Didn't Say It ... Happy Pride!

Zohran Mamdani, NYC Democrat Mayor, on Pride Month:

“It would take far more than a month to honor the contributions of queer and transgender New Yorkers. From the Cercle Hermaphrodites in 1895, the first trans advocacy group in the United States, to the drag balls of the Harlem Renaissance, to the Stonewall uprising , to the Lesbian Herstory archives, to Act Up! Founded in 1987 as queer people fought for their lives while the Reagan administration looked away, New York City’s history has long been shaped by queer and trans New Yorker’s/ To all our queer and trans neighbors, you deserve a city where you can afford to live safely, openly and joyfully. Happy Pride, New York City!”

This is how you do it. Praise the struggle, praise the march, praise the battle, praise those who came before us.

Remember, praise, Pride.

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Patti LaBelle, legendary entertainer, on her gay fans:

“When I think about it, the gay fans are one big reason I’m still standing, ‘cause they loved me when other people tried not to.”

Patti was very different when she first arrived on the scene and The Gays loved her, loved her difference, loved her fierceness.

And we still do.

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Marlon Wayans, on supporting his transgender son, Kai, through his transition:

"It taught me true, unconditional love. I've never been married because I was never ready for marriage. And I went through this journey with my child, and it taught me to love unconditionally. At the end of the day, are my children happy? And if they're happy, then I'm happy for them. My job as a father is to protect, respect and honor my children, and make sure they feel supported. It's not my job to judge them; it's my job to love them. All of my kids are gifts, and our love is the wrapping paper.  And if you think you're gonna bully my child, go somewhere else. It's not going to happen. I won't stand for it. I'm not here for hate. Transphobia is a form of hate. Homophobia is a form of hate. Racism is a form of hate. All those small-hearted, small-minded people, there's a hell for you. And if you think you’re gonna bully my child, go somewhere else. It’s not going to happen. I won’t stand for it.”

This is how you parent, as I always say … unconditionally, supportive, loving.

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Marcia Gay Harden, Oscar-winning actress and mother of queer children, in a speech at the LA LGBT Center’s A Place We Call Home gala:

“The people I need to talk to tonight are old, staunch, stubborn families. Families who don’t accept the queer community, and because I also believe that mothers are the real vanguards of change and the torchbearers for community, it is mothers that I’m talking to tonight. If you’ve not welcomed the queer community into your life, either as friends or should you be so lucky, your children, you are cutting off your nose to spite your face. You’re missing out on a fabulous life experience and basically you’re making a great big mistake. Saying to your children, you can’t be you and live in my home or be in my family, you are losing out because they won’t come home for [holidays  and] honey, you haven’t seen anything until you’ve seen a lesbian stuff a Thanksgiving turkey. No one chooses the holiday decorations for the Christmas party faster than a gay man. I mean come on, twink twink twinkle. And should your ex happen to show up at that same Christmas party with his girlfriend or perhaps the new wife, the queers will be the first to tell you that you are serving c**t. [So] march with us … help us protect your child. Be an ally. Your life will be extraordinarily enhanced and open up wonderful new doors and new experiences for you. So instead of telling young people all across the country that who they are is somehow wrong or they are undeserving of dignity, join us in pointing out that what other people see as faults or cracks is simply where the light gets in.”

Once you get the mothers standing up for our community the rest of the world will follow because as we all know women rule.

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John Casey, senior editor of The Advocate, on Cher’s 80^th birthday:

“When you’re a gay man of a certain age, and you can remember Sonny and Cher because the two names went together, and then you watch her decades later, still fabulous, still performing, still cranking out the hits, something in you feels zesty and invincible—even though that’s a real stretch considering everything. Yet, Cher is proof. Proof that the number on the calendar doesn’t have to define the size of your life.”

Ageless and timeless, and the only solo artist in history to achieve number-one hits on a Billboard chart in seven consecutive decades, spanning from the 1960s to the 2020s.

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Bobservations

So this is about the Absentminded Professor Carlos AKA The Chocoholic and how he makes me laugh.

See, the other night he asked if I wanted some hot chocolate and I said sure. So he sets about making it but then calls me to the kitchen because he says we’re out of chocolate. I say we can’t be out because there’s an unopened box in the cupboard and another box with a little bit of chocolate left inside.

“I only have the one with very little chocolate.”

“Well, the full box was under the open box the other day.”

“All I have is the open box.”

So I go into the kitchen and look up on the shelf where the cocoa powder goes and there’s none there. And then Carlos holds up the open box and says:

“This is all we have.”

“Yesterday there was an unopened box and an open box on that same shelf. Are you sure you didn’t use–”

And my eyes drop down to the counter where a pristine unopened box of cocoa powder sits, waiting to be used in hot chocolate and I point it out to him.

“You’re gonna write about this on your blog, right?”

“No, sweetie pie, I would never—”

Let’s keep this our secret.

From December 2009, this is Tuxedo Sunday, with that handsome boy posing on the bed in the guestroom.

He did love a camera pointed his way …

As we start Pride Month here are a few reminders before anyone rants …

Veterans and members of the Military get two months … May and November.

Straight Pride isn’t a thing because straight people were never oppressed, refused legal rights, or murdered for being straight.

Trans men are men, and trans women are women.

Your religion is meant to guide you, not everyone else.

No one is forcing you to attend Pride events; it’s not a hostage situation so if you don’t want to go, don’t go. Just mind your own business.

Carry on …

Minneapolis law enforcement authorities, along with the Texas Rangers, apprehended ICEstapo agent Christian Castro last week and arrested him for shooting an INNOCENT Venezuelan immigrant in Minneapolis in January.

As ICEstapo agents do, Castro lied about the shooting then fled Minnesota for Texas. He now faces four felony charges of aggravated assault and one count of falsely reporting a crime.

I hope they lock him up in one of their detention centers for life and I hope they get him on state charges so Cankles cannot pardon him or pay him off from the slush fund.

Former Oklahoma Republican Assistant District Attorney Kevin Etherington, who served Payne and Logan counties, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for child pornography charges.

Court documents state investigators seized three SD cards, three flash drives and a laptop from Etherington’s home with over 153 photos and videos of girls under 9 years old being abused in a Google Drive that belonged to Etherington.

NOT TRANSGENDER!! 

NOT A DRAG QUEEN!! 

NOT AN IMMIGRANT!!

The DC Circuit Court of Appeals dealt Cankles and DUI-hire Hegseth a defeat on the first day of Pride Month when they ruled that kicking out trans troops is unconstitutional and driven only by fear and hatred.

Happy Pride!!

Meanwhile, while many of us celebrate Pride, in Arkansas where it’s still the 1950s Governor Sarah Huckleberry Sanders has declared June to be “Fidelity Month” in her state, a time to “encourage renewed dedication to virtue, commitment, responsibility and shared moral foundations.”

This is rich coming from a former Cankles Press Secretary who propped up an adjudicated rapist, sexual predator, and accused child molester with three marriages and countless affairs in his lifetime.

You cannot make this shiz up.

Award-winning broadcaster Scott Pelley spent nearly four decades at CBS News, reported from war zones, covered presidents, anchored the network’s evening newscast, and became one of the defining faces of 60 Minutes. 

CBS News terminated Pelley this week after he publicly accused Bari Weiss, the network’s editor-in-chief, of "murdering" 60 Minutes and questioned the qualifications of newly installed executive producer Nick Bilton.

Bye CBS.

Just a thought … you don’t get four cognitive tests in eighteen months unless the doctors are monitoring your dementia.

Roche Kilian is an actor, a model, a social media influencer, and says he’s only here to motivate, inspire and lead by example … for example, Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Remmarholmen Island Cabin

Have you ever dreamed of your own island, where timelessly stylish buildings would be ready for you and your friends, where you can find a sheltered place in all wind directions and spend your free time peacefully all year round? This weekend or holiday cabin sits on its own tranquil island just a short distance from the mainland and might be the perfect fit.

Remmarholmen island, just 40 minutes from Helsinki City, Finland, is all that and more.

The buildings—main house, guest house and sauna—all have an atmosphere that lends itself to being close to nature, with wonderful little details. The materials used in the interior—granite, glass, oak and rusted Corten steel—create a harmonious and luxurious feel throughout the three different structures.

The main includes an entire length of glass wall facing the sea, with a great room showcasing a sunken conversation pit and fireplace; the dining room and kitchen, with large pantry, finish off the open plan great room while two bedrooms and one-and-one-half bathrooms complete the plan.

The passage from the main building to the sauna and guest house is made easy with wooden paths made of durable Siberian larch and the large terraces around the buildings offer a quiet place regardless of wind direction. The sauna building features a large sauna with views to the water as well as an additional bathroom, while other building contains a kitchen, dining and living area, and bedroom and bath; perfect for guests. There is a separate storage building for hobby equipment and supplies, along with a sturdy jetty where you can helicopter in if you’re so inclined.

And if the design and details that facilitate island living are carefully thought out so are the property's technical solutions: geothermal energy, a desalination system to obtain drinking water from seawater and a wastewater system that meets today's requirements are all thoroughly thought out. There’s an outdoor shower, gas fireplace, motorized sunshades and outdoor lighting that contribute to the enjoyment of comfortable living.

It’s peaceful and sleek place to get away from it all and can be yours for just a hair over $4M.

As always click to emBIGGERate …

Dwell