Sunday, April 19, 2026
The Funny Papers
Saturday, April 18, 2026
Why Is It ...
 |
… that old people always want
to remind you how much harder they worked in their day but get annoyed when I
remind them that in their day soda had cocaine in it. … that whatever life throws
at me, I duck and let it hit someone else. … that there are times when I
love doing a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut for example! … that I need to remind
myself to normalize throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up … that when people tell me I
have a crazy sense of humor I always says, “Thanks. I would have been
lobotomized in the 1940s!” … that I’d like to thank my
bestie for being friends with me; it’s a baffling decision but Thanks! … that when someone tells me
that swearing is unattractive, I say, “I wasn’t trying to attract you, now fuck
off.” … that I have days when I
wonder if I sit in rice if it will fix me. … that y’all need to realize you don’t want to break anyone’s
heart because they just have the one. Go for the bones, cuz there’s like 206 of them. |
Friday, April 17, 2026
I Didn't Say It ...
 |
Barack Obama, My President, on the historic election in
Hungary this week: “The victory of the opposition in Hungary yesterday, like the Polish election in 2023, is a victory for democracy, not just in Europe but around the world. Most of all, it’s a testament to the resilience and determination of the Hungarian people—and a reminder to all of us to keep striving for fairness, equality and the rule of law.” Perhaps the tide against asshats like Cankles and Putin and
Orban and their ilk is finally changing because We The People are voting it
out. Learn from this America. |
 |
Ana Navarro, political commentator and co-host of The View,
on Melanie’s little speech: “This is the same woman who was front and center spreading the birtherism conspiracies against Barack Obama. If she wants to be an ally to those Epstein survivors, she can start by turning to the guy next to her … and telling him to tell his DOJ to release all the Epstein files.” Like most of the world now Ana sees Melanie as the equal to
her husband, looking out for herself above all others. But she’s hard to
believe since there are so many lies about her past … her education, her
modeling ‘career’ … her speeches …. Her book … her movie. It’s all illusion and the only one actually buying any of it
is Melanie herself. |
 |
Bruce Springsteen, opening his Land of Hope and Dreams tour
in Minneapolis last week: “Good evening Minnesota. Welcome Minneapolis, St. Paul, welcome to the ‘Land of Hope and Dreams’ American Tour. I want to begin the night with a prayer for our men and women in service overseas. We pray for their safe return. The mighty E Street Band is here tonight to call upon a righteous power of art, of music, of rock and roll, in dangerous times. We are here in celebration and defense of our American ideas — democracy, our constitution and our sacred American promise. The America I love, the America that I’ve written about for 50 years that has been a beacon of hope and liberty around the world is currently in the hands of a corrupt, incompetent, racist, reckless and treasonous administration. Tonight we ask all of you to join with us in choosing hope over fear, democracy over authoritarianism, the rule of law over lawlessness, ethics over unbridled corruption, resistance over complacency, unity over division, and peace over war.” It’s part concert, part revival, and part protest; it’s The
Resistance set to music. |
 |
Jimmy Kimmel, taking on Cankles for being “blindsided” by
Melanie’s surprise Epstein announcement: “There was a big surprise from the White House today [when Melanie] emerged from the rubble of the East Wing. She brushed the drywall off her business suit and delivered a doozy of a prepared statement demanding that we stop talking about something no one was talking about … Because I’m just now hearing about these lies. Can you give me like a minute to catch up? You know somewhere in the White House, [Cankles] saw this happening. He spit out a whole gallon of Diet Coke! This is already better than her movie. Go on, please [although] why is this happening today? [Cankles] spent the past six weeks trying to bomb this Epstein story out of the headlines. Two days after the ceasefire, she puts it right back on top … She must really hate him. I don’t know how else to explain it.” I said it before; she’s making a play for a bigger cut of
the pie; this was her opening shot and if he renegotiates her “fee” she’ll
change her tune. |
Thursday, April 16, 2026
Bobservations
 |
Last night around 11PM I say to Carlos:
I go to bed and I’m out like a light until I get nudged:
And he proceeds to tell me every detail of his meeting. When
he finished, I again say how tired I am and am going to sleep, and again, after
a bit I get nudged awake: “I was talking to Ellen today …” And he gives me a word-by-word replay of their conversation
until I realize it’s now midnight and I say:
And then I hear:
The worst part of this story is that we both had the day off
and he’d had all day to tell me his stories but waited until I’m asleep. But
hen, maybe he thought it would be the only time I had my yap closed? |
 |
This Tuxedo Tale, from April 2009 is one of many of Tuxedo enjoying his life:  Yup, that's how it's done! |
 |
You’d think that a guy who claims to have aced so many cognitive tests would know the difference between a doctor and the Messiah. |
 |
Ben Affleck has reportedly gifted his ex-wife Jennifer Lopez
his entire share of their $60 million mansion for free. The former
couple modified their property settlement agreement, which shows a “transfer of
property among spouses” and I have two thoughts:
That’s all. |
 |
Following Cankles now-deleted image of him as Jesus, Nancy
Pelosi was asked what she thought: “You’d have to ask a psychiatrist, because it’s not worth a conversation, but it’s worthy of a diagnosis.” Score again for Pelosi v Cankles. |
 |
After many late nights at the State Capitol to finish out
the 2024 session the Georgia legislature successfully defeated ALL
anti-LGBTQ+ legislation. Yes, they stopped nearly 20 anti-LGBTQ+ bills with the help
of the people of Georgia who called their representatives to make their voices
heard and ended:
This is the Resistance at work and proves that when we act as
one and stand against hate, we win. Cast a Goddamned Vote! |
 |
That’s the Tweet put out by Professional Grifting Grieving Widow Erika Kirk about her joint event with her future ex-husband JD CouchFucker Vance in Athens Georgia today. She claims her security detail said there was a "credible threat." Yeah, a "credible threat" no one showing up for these two MAGAts and so Erika decided to stay home.  |
 |
Elliot Meeten is a UK-based model who was scouted while having his hair cut when he was 17 and now at 27 the question is, Would You Hit It?   |
Wednesday, April 15, 2026
Architecture Wednesday: Storybook Home
 |
Straddling the border between the Hudson Valley and the Berkshires, this not-so-tiny house comes with all the hallmarks of a fairytale summer property. Built in 1875, it has the wood-sided gables and deep verandah of a period home, with established gardens that burst forth from the half-acre property, visited by birds and butterflies. And yet its 1,200 square feet easily make space for two bedrooms, two bathrooms, an office and eat-in kitchen. The living space has super-high ceilings and a gas fireplace, leading out to a sunroom converted from the old porch. Clever nooks hide a laundry room, pantry and energy-efficient upgrades like a full-house generator and air conditioning, Outside are wildflower gardens, vegetable planters and an outdoor living area with a kitchen with outbuildings that include a chicken coop and it can be yours for just $480,000.                       |
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)