The Funny Papers

Tim Campbell, Dennis Goris, Michel de Adder, Jack Ohman, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, Chris Britt,  Kevin Kallaugher, Bill Bramhall, Matt Davies, Kevin Necessary, Gary Huck, Mike Luckovich, Lalo Alcaraz, Max Espinoza,

Why Is It ...

… that people don’t understand that I am taking part in The May Challenge and so I may give a fuck, or I may not.

… that I had a thirty minute conversation with a co-worker about her weekend and when she finished, I said I was billing her for time wasted.

… that when I went to the doctor with a suspicious looking mole, he said, “They all look that way so you should put him back in the garden.”

… that when my boss said to me, “This is the third time this week we’ve had complaints about your attitude, so you know what that means?” and I said, “It’s Wednesday?”

… that when Carlos made my coffee this morning he handed me the cup and then winked at me; I’ve never been more afraid of a drink in my life!

… that people who say they don’t have time for my bullshit need to wake up earlier.

… that while I was getting gas this morning I noticed the girl on Pump #3 was getting $10. Where the hell was she going, Pump #4?

… that my Serenity Prayer goes like this: God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change; the courage to change direction when I see them coming; and the wisdom not to try to smack some sense into them when I can’t avoid them.

… that the coworker who called me a psychopath doesn’t realize that at least I’m on a path while she is still trying to sort out her life. Right, Melissa?

… that I used to party in fields with people I didn’t know but these days too may people in Aisle 5 is a hard no?

I Didn't Say It ...

Bruce Springsteen, taking a few jobs at Cankles and the regime, on the second to last episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert:

“I’m here in support tonight for Stephen, because you are the first guy in America who has lost his show because we got a president who can’t take a joke, and because Larry and David Ellison [MAGAts who control and fund Skydance and therefore Paramount and CBS] feel they need to kiss his ass to get what they want. Bottom of FormStephen, these are small-minded people. They got no idea what the freedoms of this beautiful country are supposed to be about.”

Bruce has zero fucks to give to these oligarchs who want all the money and all the prizes and all the stuff while everyday Americans struggle to put food on the table.

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Medhi Hasan, British-American broadcaster, journalist, and founder of the media company Zeteo, on Cankles feud with Thomas Massie:

“A reminder that [Cankles] is primarily mad at Thomas Massie not because of politics or ideology but because Massie embarrassed over his ties to Jeffry Epstein and his ongoing cover-up of the Epstein files.”

Also, remember all the stress an strife Massie brought to Cankles’ doorstep he did in just six months.

He has seven months left in office.

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Bill Kristol, conservative commentator and former Republican, on a change in his life:

“I’m pro-freedom, pro-law and order, pro-limited government, and pro-the Declaration [of Independence] and the Constitution. And so today, I am a Democrat.”

This is another, former, Republican who is putting this country over his party; who is standing up for what’s right, and not carrying the literal torches for a traitorous, racist, rapist, con art and pedophile.

It’d be nice if more in the GOP followed suit.

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Graham Platner, oyster farmer, Marine Corps veteran, and candidate for the Democratic nomination in the 2026 U.S. Senate election in Maine, on the regime choosing war over people:

“We just spent $50B in two months on the war in Iran and I haven’t a single question [about] where it came from. But the moment you say Americans deserve to see housing costs come down, or energy costs come down, the moment we have to take about healthcare, suddenly we have to pull our pockets out and pretend we’re paupers.”

It’s simple: we have a party in power that is literally telling us that they can’t afford day care and health care and Medicare and Medicaid, or find a way to lower energy and housing costs and gas prices, but they can instantly find $50,000,000,000 and counting for a war no one wants.

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Zohran Mamdani, Democratic Socialist mayor of NYC, handing the Democrats their newest catchphrase:

“[Ronald] Reagan famously said the 9 most terrifying words in the English Language are 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' It's a good quote, but I disagree. I think 9 more terrifying words are actually, 'I worked all day and can't feed my family.’”

Remind the people of the billions spent on war while they pay higher costs for everything.

Remind the people that Cankles’ wants to give $1,8 to the January 6 insurrectionists who broke into a government building, smeared their feces on the walls, threatened to hand the Vice President, and attacked police officers.

And then remind the people that the GOP, the so-called party of Law and Order, hasn’t given one penny to those police offices injured that day.

But what else would you expect from the party of cowards and rapists and traitors.

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Bobservations

On Tuesday Carlos was being driven to Columbia for a court interpretation and I was gleefully dancing at the thought of having the house to myself for short time. But then he told me Blue-Eyed Paul was coming to repair the dryer and would call when he was on his way. I said that was fine because …

“Paul lets me hold his tool while he works.”

“He what?”

“I get to hold his tool while he works.”

Just then he got a text that the court case was postponed and he looked at me and smiled and said he was staying home.

“Damn! Then I won’t be able to hold Paul’s tool?”

“Sweetheart, I can’t see a thing. He could be here now with his tool in your hand and I wouldn’t know.”

Truth.

This Tuxedo Tale, co-starring MaxGoldberg, is from September 2009 and is one of the rare instances when these two boys were not getting along and it reminded me of an old TV show …

“Tuxedo Carrington and MaxGoldberg Carrington Colby Dexter are ready to go at it … I can't wait until one of them pushes the other into the fishpond on the Carrington Estate!”

Seriously? A planned U.K. production of Dreamgirls has been canceled after the rights holders withdrew permission for the show to move forward following complaints over the production’s casting. The Gillian Banks Creative Productions saw their show cancelled after announcing a Dreamgirls cast in which nearly all of the principal roles, with the exception of Curtis, were played by white performers.

Yes, a musical about the rise and fall of a Black all-girl singing group in the 1960s was recast with all-white performers.

Make it make sense.

On February 2, 2009, just thirteen days into his presidency, Barack Obama finished a meeting in the Oval Office with Jim Douglas about the nation’s economic recovery efforts. As photographers prepared to leave the room, Obama noticed something out of place: the sofas had been shifted to make room for the press setup and had not yet been returned. Instead of stepping away and waiting for staff to handle it, Obama simply walked over, grabbed one end of a sofa, and asked Douglas to help move it back.

White House photographer Pete Souza captured the moment, and the photograph quickly became one of the most widely shared images from the early Obama years and still speaks volumes about the kind of human Barack Obama has always been.

Remember that entitled tourist I posted about last week who hurled a rock at an endangered Hawaiian monk seal?

Well, he’s been identified as Igor Lytvynchuk who claims he was actually doing a good thing … by trying to save a pair of helpless turtles.

Lytvynchuk is now facing federal charges. If convicted, he faces faces up to one year in prison for each charge and a fine of up to $50,000 under the Endangered Species Act and a fine of up to $20,000 under the Marine Mammal Protection Act.

I guess it’s good he’s rich, eh?

In an interview with Variety, writer Madison Sinclair revealed just one of the jokes—about Melanie and MAGA comedian Tony Hinchcliffe—that was cut  from Netflix's The Roast of Kevin Hart:

“Tony is like Melania: The only thing relevant about him is that he opened for Trump once, too.”

Snap!

Cankles’ showed off his brilliance the other day by coining a new word, and explained it like a toddler:

“Dumocrats. Because they’re dumb, I—they’re dumb. It’s D-U-M. I got rid of the B. So you’re only changing one letter, right? E goes, the U comes.”

That only made many in the Democrat party opt to rename the GOP as the “Rape-ublican party.”

Eren Semerci is a Turkish fashion model, actor, and television personality who appeared on a version of Survivor, so Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: West Village Apartment

On Perry Street in the West Village is where contemporary design style meets historic bones in this turnkey two-bedroom, two-bathroom home featuring expansive interiors, triple exposures and a desirable split-bedroom layout in a boutique cooperative.

The moment you enter the residence, you find a spacious, airy ambiance rarely found in historic West Village homes. Dramatic barrel-vaulted brick ceilings soar 14 feet high over wide-plank hardwood floors, substantial millwork, oversized windows and Juliet balconies facing north, east and south. The gracious foyer is lined with floor-to-ceiling custom cabinetry.

Ahead, the open-plan great room invites you to relax and entertain alongside swaths of exposed brick, designer lighting, illuminated shelving niches, and a warm wood-burning fireplace. Sharing the space is the open kitchen, where custom cabinetry and marble surround stainless steel appliances, including a Miele gas range, cabinet-front refrigerator, dishwasher and Summit wine cooler. The oversized center island adds plenty of room for casual dining and conversation, while large glass doors frame southern sunlight. Opposite the kitchen is a table for eight and large windows open to the view.

Head to the owner’s suite to find a king-size bedroom with a roomy closet and its own sliding glass door and Juliet balcony. The en suite spa bathroom features a large soaking tub, rain shower, double vanity and illuminated medicine cabinets, all surrounded by floor-to-ceiling tile. A spacious secondary bedroom and a full guest bathroom complete the well-planned layout, while an in-unit washer-dryer and a deeded storage unit add comfort and convenience to this wonderful West Village sanctuary.

Built in 1905 and beautifully reimagined in 2017, 131 Perry Street is a stunning warehouse building featuring a striking corbelled brick facade with grand arches and a two-story tower reminiscent of medieval Italian design. The self-managed, 14-unit elevator co-op offers low monthly charges, part-time superintendent service, intercom entry, and private storage.

Located on a tree-lined Belgian-block street within the Greenwich Village Historic District, this home is surrounded by coveted West Village amenities such as Hudson River Park’s 500 acres of waterfront outdoor space and recreation, The High Line and Whitney Museum and iconic dining and nightlife venues such as Dante, White Horse Tavern and Magnolia Bakery.

Come up with $3M USD and you’ll be living in luxury.

Dwell

Meme Dump