The Funny Papers

Jon Ostrove, Clay Bennett, Chris Britt, Pedro X Molina, Nick Anderson, JD Crowe, Bill Bramhall, Drew Sheneman, Gary Huck, Michael de Adder,

Why Is It ...

… that whenever I say, “How stupid can you be?” some people seem to take it as a challenge

… that little gesture I make with my hands that looks like a heart isn’t a heart; it’s my hands around your scrawny neck if you keep fucking with me.

… that whenever someone says “there are two types of people in this world” I always cut in and say, “And I avoid both.”

… that I find it sad to live in a world where we add a word to the dictionary just because stupid people use it enough … it’s really sus … you haven’t got rizz …  and you’re delulu.

… that if you see me jogging, for the love of god, kill whatever is chasing,me.

… that y’all need to know that if I am a sarcastic asshole with you it’s either because I really like  and feel comfortable teasing you, or because I really hate you and don’t care if you know it; but good luck figuring it out.

… that I believe the walls of Hell are all lined with the deleted selfies from your phone

… that sometimes I have to close my eyes, count to ten, take a deep breath, and remind myself that I wouldn’t look good in prison stripes so I just smile at the dumbass and walk away

… that most days I feel like life is like a soup and I’m a fork

… that the more I get to know certain people the more I understand why Noah only let animals on the Ark

I Didn't Say It ...

Bill Clinton, enraging the GOP by releasing a full breakdown of his Epstein deposition:

"I just finished testifying in front of the House Oversight Committee. I did it for two reasons. First, I love my country, including our Constitution and America was built on the idea that no person is above the law, even presidents, especially presidents, and that we should all live under the same set of rules. This kind of democracy requires every person to play their part and I hope that by being here today, we can bring ourselves just a little further away from the brink and back to being a country where we can disagree civilly and we can search for truth and justice, and that it outweighs the partisan urge to score points and create spectacle. The second reason I was there is that the girls and women whose lives Jeffrey Epstein destroyed deserve not just justice, but healing. They've been waiting too long for both. Though my brief acquaintance with Epstein ended years before his crimes came to light, and though I never witnessed during our limited interactions any indication of what was truly going on, I offered the little I do know in the hopes that it would help prevent anything like this from ever happening again. I also have to say something personal. Republicans made Hillary testify yesterday, and she had nothing to do with Jeffrey Epstein. Nothing. She has no memory of ever even meeting him. She neither traveled with him nor visited any of his properties. So whether ten people or ten thousand people were subpoenaed, concluding her was simply not right. So here's what I told the committee: First, I had no idea the crimes Epstein was committed. No matter how many photos they show of me, I have two things that at the end of the day matter far more than any interpretation of 20-year-old photos. I know what I saw, and more importantly, what I didn't see. And I know what I did, and more importantly, what I didn't do. I saw nothing and did nothing wrong. As someone who grew up in a home with domestic violence, not only would I not have flown on his plane if I had any inkling of what he was doing, I would have turned to him myself and led the call for justice for his crimes, not the sweetheart deal that he got. But even with 20/20 hindsight, I saw nothing that ever gave me a real pause. We're only here today because Epstein hid it from everyone so well for so long. And by the time it came to light with his 2008 guilty plea, I had long stopped associating with it. When the video of my testimony today is released, I hope it will motivate everyone to go in front of Congress to say what they know. I hope it will motivate the Justice Department to finally release all the files and to ensure that this never happens again. The survivors deserve that."

Forcing Clinton, a former president, to testify means that Cankles, the real predator and child rapist and friend of Epstein, fair game and should be forced immediately to explain his Epstein relationship under oath.

The same goes with calling Hillary; the committee picked the wrong First Lady: drag that Slovenian Hooker into the room.

photo

Zohran Mamdani, New York City Mayor, on Cankles’ illegal war:

“Today’s military strikes on Iran—carried out by the United States and Israel—mark a catastrophic escalation in an illegal war of aggression. Bombing cities. Killing civilians. Opening a new theater of war. Americans do not want this. They do not want another war in pursuit of regime change. They want relief from the affordability crisis. They want peace. I am focused on making sure that every New Yorker is safe. I have been in contact with our Police Commissioner and emergency management officials. We are taking proactive steps, including increasing coordination across agencies and enhancing patrols of sensitive locations out of an abundance of caution. Additionally, I want to speak directly to Iranian New Yorkers: you are part of the fabric of this city—you are our neighbors, small business owners, students, artists, workers, and community leaders. You will be safe here.”

This is how a leader responds; Mamdani listens to We The People and knows we don’t want a war. And then he assures the people of NYC, including Iranian New Yorkers, that he will work to keep everyone safe.

photo

Pat Ryan, Democrat Congressman from New York, taking on GOP Senator Markwayne Mullin for his interview with Fox News where he discussed what war is actually like:

“Hey [Senator Mullin] what the  actual fuck are you talking about? Did I miss the part of your bio where you served in combat (or served in uniform at all??). Call of Duty doesn’t count. I served two combat tours in Iraq. I’ve seen what happens when a lying, chicken-hawk President beats the war drums. I ran for Congress and serve on the Armed Services Committee because I refuse to let the country I love repeat those mistakes. It’s why we passed the War Powers Act (after Vietnam) in the first place. So that before the President sends our troops into harm’s way, he has to make his case TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.”

Bumpkin Markwayne gave an interview with Fox News where he spoke of war, and the smell of war, and how you never forget it, even though he’d never, ever been to war.

Perhaps he was talking about the war in the White House for people who don’t want to sit close to a smelly, farting, dirty diaper wearing racist rapist?

Now that would stink!

photo

Ted Lieu, California Democrat Representative, on the chaos and mishandling of helping Americans get out of the Middle East for Cankles’ illegal war:

“Dear Secretary Rubio: You told Americans to depart now via commercial means when you know many airports [and] airspace are closed. You must immediately schedule US evacuation flights for the stranded Americans in danger. You should have thought of a frickin’ plan first!”

Rubio, as Secretary of Foam Parties State should have been thinking of Americans in the region and had a plan to get them out before Cankles decided to drop bombs.

Nowe those Americans are at risk in this illegal war.

photo

Rick Wilson, political strategist, media consultant, author based and former member of the GOP, on Cankles’ illegal war:

“Just so we’re clear, the number of Americans who approve of [Cankles’] war is 27%. So we’re also clear, the number of Americans who approved of the Vietnam War at its end in 1974 was 29%”

The war will not improve his ratings, nor will it stop the Epstein scandal, all it does is prove how woefully inept and stupidly dangerous Cankle sis to America and the world.

photo

Pete Buttigieg, future President of the United States, on Cankles illegal war of defection:

“The President has launched our nation and our great military into a war of choice, risking American lives and resources, ignoring American law, and endangering our allies and partners. It does nothing to help with the urgent problems here at home that Americans face every day. This nation learned the hard way that an unnecessary war, with no plan for what comes next, can lead to years of chaos and put America in still greater danger.”

Common sense again.

Cankles illegally started a war, and in the first hours killed schoolchildren, put Americans trapped in that region at risk, all because he wants you to stop talking about how he raped a young girl on Pedophile Island.

Make it make sense.

photo

Hillary Clinton, former US Senator and Sectary of State, at her closed-door testimony into the Epstein Scandal:

“You have held zero public hearings, refused to allow the media to attend them, despite espousing the need for transparency. You have made little effort to call the people who show up most prominently in the Epstein Files. And when you did, not a single Republican member showed up for Les Wexner’s testimony. This institutional failure is designed to protect one political party and one public official, rather than seek truth and justice for victims and survivors.”

Wexner has been known as a primary source of Epstein's money and power but the GOP didn’t want to question him so they went after Hillary, who didn’t know Epstein. 

photo

Bobservations

I don’t really have a Carlos story this week. He’s not amused me with his take on Spanglish … he’s not done any wacky tricks around the house … So I asked him last night if he remembered doing anything crazy or wacky or silly in the past week so I could write about for my blog and he said …

“Just tell your people that I didn’t do anything stupid or crazy or nuts this week and I’m sorry.”

And I replied:

“Don’t be sorry, what you did just now is perfect.”

Oy, the looks from that man.

Here’s a Tuxedo Says from September 2021 …

With all these state legislatures trying to pass these voter suppression bills, they are the perfect place to start voting out the RepubliQAnons.

And from the looks and results of the elections the other night, this may be the year it works!

A co-worker was speaking with a female client the other day and I turned to another co-worker to say:

“Now this is coming from a homosexual so there is nothing sexual about it at all, but that woman is absolutely beautiful.”

Later in the day a former NFL player and resident of Camden came into the office and I spoke with him for several minutes. After he left I said to a co-worker:

“Now this is coming from a homosexual so everything about it is sexual, but that man is absolutely beautiful.”

That explains everything.

Bernie Sanders is proposing a bill to raise $.4 trillion in taxes from America’s billionaires, a move that would cut their fortunes in half with a chunk of that tax money going toward $3K stimulus checks to everyone making under $150K annually.

See, if a 5% wealth tax had been imposed on Elon Musk in 2021, he would be worth $365 billion instead of the $834 billion he’s worth today and yet would still be the richest man in the world and yet every senior would have dental, vision and hearing under Medicare.

Works for me.

Just a heads up, but since Cankles started his illegal war, the DOW is crashing so shouldn’t we haul Pammy Jo Bondi’s ass back to Congress since NOW she can talk about the Epstein Files?

PS I just read that Congress subpoenaed Bondi to testify again!!

Please note that entering America illegally is a misdemeanor while sexually abusing a child is a felony.

We are putting the wrong people in cages.

Conservatives won’t ban assault weapons that kill people, but they will ban vaccines that can save people’s lives.

The nation’s blood is on their hands.

I have a math question that I am trying to answer and maybe y’all can help:

If Congress had any balls at all and subpoenaed Cankles to testify in an open-door hearing on the Epstein Files, how many diapers do you think Cankles would go through in the first hour?

If every person who has attended or plans to attend a No Kings March votes Blue in the midterm election Congress can be retaken.

Think about that and doublecheck that you are registered to vote well in advance. 

Hiago Paulino is a model from Brazil and I imagine that’s all Maddie need know so the rest of us should be happy about that, too … Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Studio House

Located near the Uvita town in Costa Rica, Studio House is a private villa situated on the same site as Achioté—a group short-term rental villas—and is perched on a south-facing slope above the Pacific; an ideal setting for both adventurous vacations and everyday living. The house presents as a minimalist volume, with rammed earth walls punctuated by large openings for sliding glass panels through which the home opens into the surrounding jungle.

More than half of the two-level villa’s footprint consists of terraces and a pool. The main living area upstairs is fully open to the ocean and is really just a covered terrace. A levitating platform leads to the main entrance and also serves as a roof over the downstairs bathroom. Passing through the living area and kitchen is a terrace with built-in grill and from there a steel staircase descends to the pool while another leads to the rooftop terrace.

The upper-level living area is a single open space, anchored by a four-meter concrete kitchen island with a wall of cabinetry; the living area faces the sea with a generous deck upon which to enjoy the views and the stars at night. At the rear, a spacious laundry room and utility space occupy the windowless section while a sunlit hallway leads to two smaller bedrooms, a bathroom alcove, and a toilet. Though compact, the bedrooms can be accessed from the pool and enjoy expansive views beyond the ocean; the bathroom also has direct pool access and offers an ocean view straight from the shower.

The home’s earthy palette resonates with the surrounding greenery. Wabi-sabi, a Japanese philosophy that finds beauty in imperfection, impermanence, and incompleteness, is reflected in the selected materials, whose aging and transformation over time are embraced as a path toward a new vision of natural elegance.

It is rich yet simple, striking yet minimalist … a perfect home away from it all.

Amazing Architecture