Why Is It ...

… that when I create a To Do List, it lists things like burst someone’s bubble, or stir the pot, or toot my own horn … add my two cents … skate on thin ice … add fuel to the fire.

… that while I was at the bakery I heard a little boy behind me cry to his mother, “Mom, there are only four donuts left!” and when the counterperson asked what I wanted I said, “Four donuts please.”

… that while I am awful at sit ups and lousy at push ups my fuck ups are top notch.

… that I've always wondered if any of my recorded calls have been used for training or quality purposes.

… that y’all need to know that you can’t believe everything I post on here cuz Rosita is always stealing my phone

… that y’all don’t realize if your birth year starts with 19 you shouldn’t be wrapping presents on the floor

… I follow the 7/7/7 plan at work … do my job for 7 minutes, then spend 7 minutes booking a cruise and then disappear for 7 days

… that when people tell me I’m intimidating I always say, ‘Good. Think three times before speaking to me.’

… that you need to know that I am not an asshole; I am a hemorrhoid and I only irritate assholes.

… that I love it when one of the cats sighs and I say, “Oh, what’s up my little unemployed freeloader?”

I Didn't Say It ... UPDATE

Thomas Massie, Republican Representative from Kentucky, on the power behind the Epstein coverup:

“Last night I received a flash drive containing the complete list of files belonging to Jeffrey Epstein. Everything is there: every billionaire, every campaign donor, every single person. Now let me explain why you haven’t heard anything about this in the media. Because they’re all in there. They will do everything to prevent these documents from being made public. Epstein was far more than just a pedophile; he was an intelligence asset. He was part of a blackmail operation used to control billionaires, politicians, and world leaders. If this list ever sees the light of day, the system as we know it will collapse. The public has the right to know the truth, and I am not afraid to share it.”

Do it.

Share it all.

UPDATE: Massie says now: 

"This is fake news. I don't have a flash drive. Why make stuff up when the reality itself is so shocking and disgusting?"

Release what you have; release whatever you get.

photo

Delia Ramirez, Democrat Representative from Illinois, speaking to DHS officials:

“I have as much respect for you as I do for the last white men who put on masks to terrorize communities of color. I have no respect for the inheritors of the Klanhood and slave patrol. Those activities were criminal and so are yours.”

Men in masks, or hoods, attacking people of color, dragging people of color off, terrorizing entire communities.

ICEstapo and the Klan; there isn’t much difference.

photo

Jason Kelce, former professional football player, on the right being up in arms about Bad Bunny at the Super Bowl:

“If Bad Bunny doesn’t belong at the Super Bowl, maybe the folks crying about it don’t belong in a country built on freedom, diversity and rhythm. Y’all sacred of reggaetón but not insurrections?”

To be fair, those people have a right to voice their displeasure but get your facts straight first. Bunny is an American, plain simple; he’s not an immigrant just because he’s brown and speaks Spanish.

photo

Ro Khanna, Democrat Representative from California, on child sex trafficker, and friends of Cankles and Meanie, Ghislaine Maxwell:

“Here is my conclusion after sitting through Maxwell’s deposition with her refusing to answer a single question about the men who raped underage girls, saying she would only do so for clemency. She must immediately be sent back to the maximum security prison where she belongs.”

Remember that all the things Epstein was accused of doing Maxwell did first; she groomed underage girls to be raped by the rich and powerful. She has no bargaining chips and should be locked up for the rest of her life.

photo

Billie Armstrong, lead singer for Green Day, leading an anti-ICEstapo charge:

“To all the ICE agents out there, wherever you are, quit your shitty-ass job. Quit that shitty job because when this is over—and it will be over at some point in time—Kristi Noem, Stephen Miller, JD Vance, [Cankles], they’re gonna drop you like a bad fucking habit. Come on this side of the line.”

That band of fascist morons will so quickly sell out anyone else to save their own skin, and they will go after the lowest hanging fruit first.

Trust.

photo

Bobservations

We eat a lot of fruit at Casa Bob y Carlos, especially for breakfast; we’ve always got blueberries, boysenberries, strawberries,  fresh pineapple, bananas and more on hand. The other morning, as I was fixing a bowl of fruit for myself, I said to Carlos:

“Have one of these bananas because they’re getting overly ripe.”

“I will.”

Cut to the next morning and that same banana is in the bowl and so I said:

“I thought you we’re going to eat that banana.”

“I was but I forgot so I’ll have it today.”

“Okay, but if you don’t have it today, I’ll shove it up your ass.”

“Oooooooooooh!”

“It’s kinda mushy.”

“Oh.”

Yes, that passes for breakfast conversation at Casa Bob y Carlos.

This post is from August 2021 and is less Tuxedo Says and more Tuxedo Did What, and is entitled “Oh No He Di’in’t”:

We had a bit of excitement around Casa Bob y Carlos yesterday. And by excitement, I mean, Carlos was almost murdered, and by murdered I mean I almost killed Carlos.

I decided to mow the lawns, and so I was out in the yard tooling around on the mower, with my phone in my pocket, ear buds in my ears, listening to music, and no doubt singing along and aloud to that music. I spotted Carlos cleaning up some branches that had fallen from a tree--we have a "Tree Guy" coming this week to "branch up" the trees--and wandering with Ozzo. My next pass around the yard and they were gone. My third pass around the yard was when I saw it ...

I thought it was Ozzo, still outside and roaming the yard, but upon closer inspection ... IT.WAS.TUXEDO. Carlos had obviously opened a door, and even in his old, creaky boned, wobbly legs state, Tuxedo left the building for the front yard. Luckily, because, again, even in his old, creaky boned, wobbly legs state, Tuxedo wandered to the big gate, which was open to get the mower through to the front yard for mowing and strolled around the back yard. And, again, even in his old, creaky boned, wobbly legs state, Tuxedo didn't hear the mower, and wasn't afraid and as I turned the engine off and dismounted ... scoring perfect tens across the board ... he came walking up to me as if to say:

"Look at me Daddy! I'm outside by myself."

I scooped him up and started toward the small gate to get him back inside, when Carlos rounded the corner; I said:

"Look who I found wandering the back yard!"

"How did he get out?"

Clearly, Carlos thinks Tuxedo has a key.

He dodged a bullet that day. Literally.

Did I understand all of the words of Bad Bunny's Super Bowl halftime show? No, but I understood the message and that’s what matters.

PS While roughly 5 million people watched Turning Point Media’s alternative halftime show AKA The Toilet Bowl, some 135 million watched and danced and smiled at Bad Bunny’s show.

Now, onto Stupid People Tweeting:

That one is from of those devout Christians who wouldn’t know the Bible from a Reader’s Digest, and here we have MAGAt superhero, Jerkules himself, Kevin Sorbo:

Idiots.

A little humor I found on the webs … and I will paraphrase it … my husband just bought a garden gnome for the yard. I named it Kristi Gnome cuz it’s hollow, artificial and my dog is terrified of it.

And speaking of Kristi’s ICEstapo … Just this past week, a US citizen in Salem, Oregon suffered a concussion, torn rotator cuff and bruised ribs after ICE officers boxed her in and smashed her car window.

After they dragged her from the car they discovered her passport in her purse and then left the scene without a care about her injuries or their brutality.

Abolish ICE.

The Lake Theater & Café in Lake Oswego, Oregon says Amazon pulled the new film “Melanie: From Whore House to White House” from screening after the theater’s  marquee offered its own descriptions of the film; one read—"Does Melanie wear Prada? Find out Friday”—and up there is another version.

The Lake Theater & Café is known for crafting witty, creative descriptions of its films on its sign and so when Amazon yanked Melanie away from them, they posted a new marquee:

Federico Cola is a 37-year-old Italian-born model who works Giorgio Armani, Andrea Marcaccini, La Gazzetta dello Sport, and Fendi but does that really matter or is it just Would You Hit It?

Architecture Wednesday: Spanish Revival Compound

This is the Sanctuary in the Amarra community of Barton Creek—a serene enclave in one of Austin’s most coveted communities. This Mediterranean compound draws inspiration from the world's most enchanting landscapes and the wind-swept, desert-inspired home welcomes you with chiseled granite stone walls framing an open-air entry courtyard with natural features like olive and orchid trees lining the approach to the main entrance.

This home unfolds across three distinct structures: a charming casita, a third garage or fitness pavilion, and the primary residence, all thoughtfully crafted. The single-story home has privacy at its core with four bedrooms and four-and-one-half bathrooms across 5,000 square feet and 1.65 acres, including three terraced lawns that offer space to roam and a lush green space that cascades toward a Barton Creek tributary, creating a veil of privacy for the 60-foot lap pool with dual negative-edges, dining, and lounge terraces.

A Spanish Revival Portico invites you into that central courtyard, where a marble fountain, lemon trees, and a limestone fireplace lull the senses into peaceful stillness. Once inside the simplicity of timeless Mediterranean modern architecture meets artisan craftsmanship with arched hallways found in the living and dining spaces, hand-finished Venetian plaster and historic reclaimed beams with cool, coarse-grained granite floors extend outward to seven glass-paneled doors framing Hill Country views.

Off the foyer, the dining room faces the courtyard through a wall of windows. A large arched opening leads into the living room, with another wall of glass, this one framing the pool and the views; a massive stone fireplace sits at one end of the room, with the kitchen through another archway, and roughhewn beams overhead.

In the chef’s kitchen, refined luxury meets function with top-of-the-line Wolf appliances, like a built-in Wolf grilling station and wet bar to make for seamless indoor/outdoor living. The family, open to both the kitchen and the shaded back porch frame the green spaces all around and highlight the dramatic and breathtaking views and eternity-edged pool.

A small office at one side of the home shares a private patio and views with the primary suite that opens to the pool deck as well. The primary bath features dual sinks, a walk-in shows and a soaking tub with a view. There are three other bedrooms in the house, each with beamed ceilings and Hill Country views. Outside there is another living area, large dining table, as well as an outdoor kitchen for those nights when you want to live outside.

It's peaceful and serene; a true oasis in the hills.

Dwell

Meme Dump