I Ain't One To Gossip, But ....

Original Recipe Lohan news:

It seems like the cracktress is really making a comeback. No, silly, not in prison, but in the movies and TV. First, there was a wobbly stint on Glee—albeit for about ten seconds—and then she was cast in the sure-to-be craptastic Lifetime movie, Liz & Dick, followed by a role in the soft-core porn film, The Canyon, and now she is set to appear in Scary Movie 5.

But, from what I hear is that it’s a cameo, which, you know, really means she’ll be playing someone who gets murdered during the opening credits. But, sources—Hey Dina!—say that, joining Lohan in SM5 will be none other than her male counterpart in the Crack Sweepstakes, Charlie Sheen—even though he was killed off in SM4.

The sequel opens right after Christmas next year. Too late for Oscar contention, but early enough for the Razzie Awards.

So, will Charlie kill Lohan, or will Lohan kill Charlie, or will the audience sufficiently kill both their careers?

Now on to some new Lohan2.0, aka Amanda Bynes.

To recap: She was arrested for DUI back in April when she hit a police car, and the following week she was driving while texting and drove over a curb. In May, she hit a car while trying to pass on the right and then acted like she had no idea what happened when the police stopped her--she was not charged for that incident. Then came the news that was missed when we learned that, also in April, Lohan2.0 had yet another hit-and-run and she wasn’t charged for that one because there were no witnesses to her drunk driving or text driving or just plain bad driving.

Now comes word that Bynes ALLEGEDLY rear-ended another car a week ago and, as is her habit, fled the scene. The woman she, ahem, ALLEGEDLY hit described her as a “hot mess” and said Bynes tried to downplay the damage and used her superhuman drunken powers to push her bumper back in place.

Word to the wise in LA: Bynes has a car, likes to party, loves to text; she is armed with a BMW and considered dangerous.

And stupid.

Oh Blister.

I thought she’d vanish once her horrendous “reality” show was moved from its peak place on Lifetime’s nightly schedule and sent to the after midnight slot, surrounded by Dance Mom reruns, but Blister, with no discernible skills—I think she gets that from her Mama Grizzly Bore—is set to be on “Dancing With The Stars: All Stars.”

First though, she may appear in court, because her Baby Daddy, the oh-so-intellectual-that-he-and-Blister-are-perfect-together, Levi Johnston, filed all the necessary paperwork for full custody of their son Tripp.

See, Levi is less than thrilled that wonderful mother, Blister, sorted and giggled on her TV show when four-year-old Tripp either called his homophobic Aunt Willow a faggot or a fucker. Levi thinks Blister is a terrible parent—Duh—so he wants the court to remove Tripp from her home.

A good move by the court would be to remove Blister and Levi from ever reproducing again.

What’s the deal with Travolta? I mean, that bad toupee is one thing, but the plastic surgery eyes and the, well, plastic looking face, are just hideous. Why doesn’t he take some time to stop looking like a Madame Tussauds wax figure and get his life together?

Oh, yeah, that pesky bag of lawsuits he’s facing for showing his, ahem, “bathing suit area” to a bunch of male masseurs and asking them to run their hands up his flagpole and his manhole.

He seems to think the focus on GroperGate is dying down, and has had his lawyer seek to have at least one of the civil cases filed against to be dismissed.

Travolta has filed papers claiming Fabian Zanzi—the man-rubbing worker—is lying and made the whole sordid story up. Back story: Zanzi claims Travolta exposed himself during a neck massage—a neck massage?—aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise and then offered to pay Zanzi $12,000 to keep quiet.

Zanzi didn’t, and actually produced a video detailing his allegations, so, while Travolta admits to being on the cruise, all that rubbing and touching and exposing is just a damn lie and he wants the suit dropped and he wants Zanzi to pay his attorney’s fees.

Oh Johnny, your lawyer is working 24/7 trying to keep you from losing your shirt, this one little case won’t make a difference. And, well, howsabout the next time you need a massage you ask your wife?

Jon and Kate.

Still hate ‘em, and thought they’d gone away for good, but now comes news that Jon Gosselin is bitching about his financial situation because, he says, he pays some $22,000 a month in support. And he’s having a tough time meeting his obligations and is afraid he’s going to jail for being all deadbeat and stuff.

Jon Gosselin: “I can’t afford to pay my rent, and the domestic-relations staff tell me they will put me in jail unless I pay child support. I am a single father who’s trying to make ends meet during a recession. What do I do – pay child support or rent? I need to support my kids, but I could lose my house, and I need my home to continue to have custody. I’m doing the best I can. But life is so expensive with eight kids!”

Ya think so, Jon?

And then he goes on to disparage his babies’ mama, and media whore ex-wife, Kate, and her desire to star in a reality dating show. “I think this is completely ridiculous! We have eight children, and they need us. She is putting reality TV and dating in front of the kids. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, but Kate’s need to be famous is not one of them.”

He has a point, but that didn’t stop Kate, who never met a snippet of gossip upon which she didn’t want to hang her hat, says she dropped the requirements for support in April: “I read Jon’s statement….and was quite surprised to read that he claims to be struggling to keep his child support payments current. As of April 27, 2012, [I] voluntarily relieved Jon of all current and future child support obligations for their eight children.”

Why don’t these two realize the clock has moved far beyond the fifteen minute mark and just go away? And maybe find real jobs and save some real money because I know at least eight kids who are gonna need to see a shrink as they grow up as the center of Hurricane Dysfunction.

So, little Miley Cyrus is all grown up and engaged and stuff.

May not last long because she ALLEGEDLY will not give her fiancé, Liam Hemsworth, any space at all. She is apparently hanging around the set of his new movie, the aptly titles, Paranoia, and will also be a regular fixture on the Catching Fire set this fall as well.

See, Miley is worried about Liam’s costar, the bisexually promiscuous—she left her girlfriend for Johnny Depp and then dropped the Depp for another woman—Amber Heard. Heard has quite the reputation for hooking up with her male co-stars. To set the ground rules, Miley arranged a quiet dinner for three, with Liam and Amber, so she could send Amber some subtle signals to leave her man alone.  But, um, yeah, that backfired when Amber ALLEGEDLY started hitting on Miley instead of Liam.

That must have been one uncomfortable dinner.

Still, Miley is said to be purely hetero, but, um, well, Miley is also a bit of a self-promoter, and wouldn’t a little Lesbian fling add to her street cred, and maybe give her film career a little boost? I mean, her last film, the also aptly named, LOL, was a direct to DVD d-i-saster.

Nothing a Lesbian affair couldn’t fix, eh?

First things first: I love Christina Aguilera. Girl has a powerful voice, even when she takes on a twelve minute run of screeches and squawks. So, I’m a fan.

And, well, as we all know, she has the reputation, these days, of loving the booze and the fired foods, as evidenced by her bloated face, and ginormous ass—often seen in stretched-to-the-limit body suits on The Voice—but, I’ll give her some slack.

Or maybe not. See, this story makes me wanna giggle like a schoolgirl. It seems that Aguilera. Has been named “the voice” of a new charity campaign for Yum! Brands World Hunger Relief. Let’s stop: Christina Aguilera. World Hunger.

I mean, is she gonna feed herself to the world?

Ain’t enough ranch dressing on the planet.

Sharon Osbourne has announced that she is leaving America’s Got Talent and not because she has that other gig, on The View, or The Talk, or Whatever.

No, it seems Osbourne is leaving the NBC show because she says that NBC fired her son, Jack, from a new show, Stars Earn Stripes, right after Jack announced he had been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

Jack says he “had just booked a job, right when I got diagnosed, and unfortunately the company that hired me didn’t think I could actually perform the job. At not one point did anyone ever call and ask me. It was all through agents and lawyers.”

He was let go via email, and Mama Osbourne isn’t happy.

But the moment Sharon said she was leaving AGT because of what NBC did about Jack’s MS—lor4dyu all those initial—NBC issued a statement that Jack’s upcoming role on the show was not confirmed and that they offered him other positions that he turned down.

Except, however, and for whatever reason, it is true that NBC fired Jack by e-mail two days before he was to report to work, and then lied about it to the press.

Sharon: “I just can’t be fake. It’s discrimination, and it was badly handled. It’s time to move on,” she said.

Sharon Osbourne remains under contract, but says, “They can’t make me do something I don’t want to do. All they can do is stop me from being a judge on another network for five years.”

Big deal. You don’t treat a Mama Bear’s son like that and expect her to just lie down and take.

Not Sharon Osbourne, she doesn’t give a Flying F.

And now onto an awful mother.

Oh Kris Jenner, there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do to promote your kids and fill your bank account.

Jenner is everywhere, doing press for “Keeping up with The Kardashians,” and talking up her marriage problems. On her, ahem “show,” she recently had, um, “run in” with a man she cheated on her last husband with 20 years ago and then basically bragged about in her book.

Because cheating is fun, you know, if it sells books and keeps your fat ass on TV.

But now Kash Kow’s ex, or soon-to-be ex, Kris Humphries, is claiming that not only did Kris Jenner direct the Kash Kow to make that infamous sex tape that jump started her career as a media whore, Kris Jenner also had Kash Kow “reshoot” it to make it better.

Now, whether or not she’s a porn director for her daughter, the truth does seem to say that Kris worked as a “middleman” to make sure Kash Kow earned top dollar for that video.

But really, a pimp or a porn director. What’s the difference?

Well, the difference is that a good mother would be neither one of those things to their own child, but Kris Jenner isn’t a good mother.

A good pump, yes.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Someone is obviously jealous that Lindsay's getting all the press.

No-talent, asshat, ho.............tel heiress, Paris Hilton was arrested last night in Las Vegas for cocaine possession. If we check the Paris Hilton Drug Arrest board this makes, um, her third such arrest this summer, after two scrapes with the law in South Africa and Europe for pot possession.

Yeah, she really wants the Lindsay Lohan Fame.

According to police, Paris was the passenger in a vehicle that was pulled over after officers noticed the car leaving a "smoke trail". The driver was arrested for DUI of the drug, not alcohol, sort, and Paris Skankton was discovered to be in possession of a controlled substance.

Tests revealed that substance to be cocaine, and Paris was arrested, though she was released on her own recognizance.

I don't think she even knows what that means.

It seems that he hasn't made the gossip pages in about thirty seconds so Levi Johnston decided to remedy the situation. He has decided to take back his apology to Mama Grizzly Bore.
Levi, hungry for fame, told the CBS Early Show that the only thing he regrets doing is making an apology to The Quitter From Wasilla:
"The only thing I wish I wouldn't have done is put out that apology, because it kind of makes me sound like a liar. And I've never lied about anything. So that's probably the only thing. The rest of the stuff I can live with."
If you'll recall, his original apology was no doubt releases to keep the spotlight a'shining on him. It was then that he said "things about the Palins that were not completely true." And he added that he had privately apologized to The Moron and her husband, Mister Moron.
His two-time former fiance, and baby mama, Bristol, even weighed in following the apology to praise Johnston for doing the "honorable thing."
Uh huh, she knows all about honorable.
Johnston told CBS that the original apology was "something I did to make my fiancee happy. She wanted it so we wrote something down and we sent it out because that's what she wanted. Together we put it out there."
And when The Eye asked him why he'd sign something he didn't believe, Levi said, "I'm as dumb as a stump."
Okay, I said he was dumb as a stump. He said, "Trust me it's easier to make them happy. If you gotta live with them, you gotta make them happy. I wish I hadn't put out that apology, it makes me look like a liar. The rest of stuff I can live with."
As long as it brings him fame.
Like one-time-almost-mama-bore-in-law, Levi hungers for the limelight.
That whole asshat group is just made for each other.

Y'all know that Australia used to be a Penal Colony, right?
Tee hee. Penal.
And it is apparently a penal colony again today for one Paul Hogan, star of a string of movie hits--okay, two hits and a misfire--back in the mid-1950s.
Hogan has actually been barred from leaving Australia until he pays a disputed tax bill, his lawyer said on Thursday. This is odd, only because Hogan currently lives in Los Angeles, so, is he a fugitive? Is there a bounty on his head?
Nope, he went back to Australia to attend the funeral of his mother, Florence, where he was served with an Australian Taxation Office order that prevents him from leaving Australia until he settles a multimillion dollar tax bill.
Yikes! Put another shrimp on the barbie! Hogan's gonna be Down Under for a while.
His lawyer, Andrew Robinson said: "These may not be the appropriate circumstances to effectively make Paul a prisoner of Australia" because it is "absolutely devastating" for his wife, and Crocodile Dundee co-star Linda Kozlowski, and their 12-year-old son Chance, who stayed in LA rather than attend the funeral.
Australian tax and crime investigators have fought Hogan for five-years in Australian and U.S. courts to investigate evidence that he used offshore bank accounts to conceal earnings since his low-budget Dundee trilogy became international hits in the 80s.
The 80s? Really?
Authorities claim Hogan owes taxes on 38 million Australian dollars--$34 million US bucks--in ALLEGEDLY undisclosed income. Hogan, obviously, has denied any wrongdoing and disputes the tax bill.
But until then, he's stuck in a penal colony.
Tee hee.

Someone is a Diva!
Twilight, um, star[?] Taylor Lautner, who is really only famous for his abs, is suing McMahon’s RV Dealership in Irvine, CA for not delivering his $300,000 customized trailer in time for the start of his new film Abduction.
Dee.Vah!
According to Lautner, the deal had been negotiated by his daddy, Dan, and he was supposed to have his trailer by June. Since it didn't arrive in time, and he probably had to stay in a $100,000 RV, Tay-Tay is stomping his feet and throwing his tiara and suing the dealership for breach of contract and fraud.
So, what does someone with little real talent, except for the ability to do crunches by the hundreds, want in an RV? Well, I"m glad you asked. Tay-Tay's customizations include:

• A very extensive ab-workout machine, which spans the entire length of the trailer.
• A built-in juice bar, which makes smoothies that are conducive to maintaining his abs, which are his bread and butter.
• A refrigerator for holding anything but bread and butter.
• A hot tub, wherein Taylor can sip smoothies and canoodle film extras of questioning orientation.

I certainly hope the RV dealership comes through with the ride, or settles the lawsuit. Pretty, vacant boys like Taylor Lautner will not be treated like normal folk.

Wait till you hear this! This is ridiculous!
Bristol Palin, teenage mother and hypocrite advocate for abstinence, is set to be a guest speaker at a benefit in Louisville, Kentucky to raise money for a shelter home for single mothers.
Something dear to little Bristol's tiny tiny heart, so I would imagine that she would do the speech for free, or, at the very least, just for expenses.
Uh, no. The money-grubbing-fame-whoring-sell-out doesn't fall far from the tree, and Bristol will be getting $14,000 to speak.
And why? Is it because Bristol knows whereof she speaks? Is it because she's been in need of a home for single mothers?
Oh gosh no. It's because she'll sell herself to the highest bidder to make whatever profit she can off her baby, er, mistakes. I guess it was a good thing, after all, that Levi knocked her up, dumped her, got back together, got engaged, and got dumped, because now she really does appear to be a pathetic loser with the morals of a sloth.
But that's just me.

Kara Dioguardi is funny.
The recently fired judge on American Idol is spinning her removal from the show into a more favorable light.
According to a source--and by source I mean the gal who ALLEGEDLY pees in a cup for Kara's court-ordered drug tests--Kara has been trying to leave American Idol for quite a while now:
"She went to Fox two months ago and told them she didn't want to do another season. She's ready to move on. She did two years and thinks that's enough."
Uh huh. Funny how this, um, story, comes out after she got the boot.
The source, after urinating into plastic containers, adds that Kara is contractually obligated by FOX from taking meetings with other companies or networks:.
"It's frustrating because she can't even take any meetings…everyone wants to know what her schedule will be like, but she doesn't know. What happens if Fox tells her they still want her for next season?"
Sounds like someone, who spent the last year travelling around the land talking up Idol, is trying to save face.
Deal with it, Kara.
You're fired!

Fantasia ALLEGEDLY stole Paula Cook’s husband, and now Cook may steal the spotlight.
Cook, the wife of one Antwaun Cook, who has been seeing Fantasia extramaritally and adulterally, is being courted for interviews on talk shows by Mo’Nique and….Oprah-I-Need-The-Ratings-Before-My-Show-Takes-Its-Last-Breath Winfrey.
A source--and by source, I mean the homeless guy outside the Bi-Lo in Raleigh--says:
“Paula has been approached by Oprah’s people to go on her chat show. She still hasn’t decided what she will do though, and she was also approached by Mo’Nique too.”
And then the source goes off on Fantasia, who tried unsuccessfully to commit suicide, and then went on the talk shows to promote her new album:
“Despite anything that Fantasia may say about Antwaun being separated from his wife when she started dating him, Paula firmly believes that she knowingly got involved with a married man.”
Oh yes she went there.
And, if she goes on Oprah, I wonder how Fantasia will take it, since she starred in OPRAH WINFREY'S The Color Purple on Broadway?

Despite being diagnosed with throat cancer, Michael Douglas has refused to delay his court battle with ex-wife Diandra Douglas over her claim that she's entitled to half his earnings from the upcoming Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps.
Diandra, like the good ex-wife who wants to bleed the ban dry, offered to postpone the hearing, but Douglas declined.

"He wants to get this over with as soon as possible," a source--and by source, I mean Catherine Zeta Jones, publicity whore--told Page Six. Diandra's lawsuit hinges on a clause in the Douglas's divorce settlement that entitles her to 50 percent of any earnings Michael receives from any movies he did during their 23-year marriage. And, Diandra's lawyers believe that provision includes any "spinoffs" of Douglas' movies, which would include Oliver Stone's Wall Street follow-up.
Michael's lawyer, Marilyn Chintz--what a name for a lawyer--says Diandra is misinterpreting the agreement, and it doesn't apply to the Wall Street sequel because it wasn't on the horizon when the two split, and he couldn't have guaranteed that he'd be in a sequel if one were ever made. Chintz-y told the judge" "When does it stop? ... She's not Mrs. Michael Douglas anymore. It's enough. It's time for Ms. Douglas to move on and let Mr. Douglas move on and enjoy his life, without having to concern himself with someone trying to claw back moneys that they're not entitled to."
And Diandra, to be fair, has gotten her perfectly manicured claws into the money to which she is entitled: she received a divorce settlement ALLEGEDLY in excess of $45 million, and has been paid an additional $6.3 million from her stake in residual proceeds from other past projects.
Six.point.three.million.
Diandra's lawyer, Nancy Chemtob, says her client isn't money-hungry...I know!....and isn't clinging to her ex-husband. "She has her own identity, and she's proud of it. My client is not greedy. The exact opposite is true. Mr. Douglas is seeking to shirk his financial responsibility that was entered into when he signed this contract."
This might get as ugly as the divorce, when Diandra accused Michael of sex and alcohol addiction and multiple infidelities.
And someone will get rich. Er.

Michaele and Tariq Salahi, the White House party crashers and unbelievable fame whores, recently gave a party to raise money for the troops. They held they benefit at a gay club in DC, charged $25 cover charges, and $500 VIP access, and then say the packed event made no money, so the Iraq war veteran charity will receive no money.
According to the New York Post-- and by New York Post, I mean, New York Post--the Salahis told Michaele’s fellow cast members at The Real Housewives of D.C. that event proceeds would go to the military charity Honor and Remember, but a charity organizer said the organization would receive nothing.
The Post reported: “Tickets for the bash held at a DC gay bar ranged from $25 for general admission to $500 for access to the VIP room. The organization said it was promised 40 percent of the profit but was told recently the packed, cash-bar event didn't make any money. A rep for the Salahis claims they were merely guests of honor: ‘This was not a Salahi event. They were not privy to the operational and management aspects of this event, nor were they compensated for their appearance.’”
Fame whores and thieves. Robbing a charity to fill their own pockets.
Lovely.
Fucktards.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Monster of the Year, Dina Lohan is talking again, trying to defend the way she raised her convicted criminal daughter Lindsanity Lohan.
She was all testy with master interviewer Matt Lauer on the Today Show, saying, "As a parent, you have to let them go a little bit. When she went out to Los Angeles when she was 19, I had to let her live and fall and fail and survive. Without failure, there's no success....You can't make your child not go out and go to a club and not get behind the wheel of a car."
Um, Dina? You fame-whoring-child-prostituting wingnut? Yes. You. Can. That's what's called parenting and you know nothing about it so best to keep you lips zipped.
Except she didn't.
She ranted about Judge Marsha Revel: "The judge played hardball. Lindsay was in with alleged murderers and she's become friends with a lot of them. Lindsay rolled with the punches and she's doing wonderfully."
Um, again. Dina? Lindsay was in a cell by herself and next door to her was another spoiled Hollywood princess turned burglar. And, if Lindsay was housed with murderers, I'd watch my back. She probably picked up a few tricks of the trade in the big house.
Dina then said Lindsay will be moving back to New York once her rehab is over.
Good, I hear the prisons in New York are a whole lot tougher than the jails in California.
And we all know Lindsay will be back behind bars sooner rather than later. I mean, with an enabling stage mother like Dina, what else can we expect?

Oh dear.
Montana Fisburne is back in the news, and not just for her desire to use porn movies to become a serious actor a la her father, Laurence Fishburne.
Now it seems that the 19-year-old idiot was arrested last February after ALLEGEDLY beating her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, who claims to have suffered "significant injuries" during the rumble.
The LA City Attorney's Office has ALLEGEDLY charged Montana Fishburne with battery, and may add charges of false imprisonment and assault with a deadly weapon.
Wow, maybe she's a Lohan? Did Dina ever hookup with Larry, because Montana and Lindsay sound like twins.
Of course, news of this new arrest comes on the heels of reports that Montana was arrested in 2009 for ALLEGED prostitution. She narrowly escaped a harsh thirty minute jail sentence by going into a work program and two years probation.
Once again, Laurence Fishburne must be so proud.
Montana, of her sex tape, and her father, says: "I hope it's not hurting him. It wasn't done to hurt him. But I think it will take time and talking through the issues. Eventually, I hope he will be proud of me."
Think again dumbass.

American Idol good news.
La Lopez is out before she was actually even in.
Jennifer Lopez has been dropped as a potential judge for the next season of American Idol ALLEGEDLY because her DIVA demands were too much for FOX.
A source, and by source I mean the guy that takes out the trash at FOX, and by trash I mean Montana Fishburne, says:
“Her demands got out of hand. Fox had just had enough.”
Oh, honey, we've all had enough of JLo, even when she had a career to fall back on.
Buh-bye Jen! Don't let the door smack you on your ginormous ass on your way back to the block.

Teri Hatcher is a liar.
At least that's what former employee and friend Jennifer Glassman says, and she's suing Hatcher for it.
Glassman claims that Hatcher convinced her to quit her lucrative PR job to become Vice President of Teri Hatcher's production company, which included 50% of the profits.
Sounds good right? Sounds too good.
See, Jennifer didn't get the in writing and actually signed a BLANK blank contract instead, which gave Hatcher the power to fire her at will, which Hatcher did.
Glassman claims she should never have been terminated because she is, or, er, was, extremely competent. And she says, she was forced to deal with Teri's "mood swings and unusual requests," including scheduling doctors' appointments, party planning, researching vacation arrangements and hiring a dog trainer.
Which is what the VP does, i think. Doesn't Biden do all that for Obama?
Glassman is claiming fraud, intentional deceit, wrongful termination and emotional distress.
Teri Hatcher's spokesman, Brad Cafarelli, called the lawsuit a "ridiculous fabrication. It is unfortunate that the many opportunities Ms. Hatcher afforded the former employee are now being so implausibly twisted and contorted."
Glassman should have known you don't mess with a Desperate Housewife with a face full of botox, because she'll say one thing but her face will say another.

Levi Johnston is dumb.
Really dumb.
He ALLEGEDLY thought he should follow Sandra Bullock all around at the Teen Choice Awards last weekend, because he might, um, have a shot with her.
Levi Johnston and Sandra Bullock.
It would be laughable if he wasn't such a fame whore. Levi? Better shot for you would be Montana Fishburne, or Lindsay....hell, give Dina a call, she could use the press.
A source, and by source I mean one of the valets who parked Levi's Dodge Dart, says: "All night long Levi was trying to get close to Sandra. He desperately wanted to get his picture taken with Sandra hoping it would show up on the cover of a magazine or at least be able to meet her in person and give America's sweetheart his phone number. Sandra was having none of it, telling everyone, 'get him away from me.'"
Actually, get him away from all of us.
Times up Levi.

Filed under Good News:
Although he passed away in 2005, Johnny Carson's charitable foundation is still working and giving away money.
Recently $156 million was transferred from the Carson estate to the John W. Carson Foundation, which donates to environmental groups, AIDS charities, schools, children’s aid organizations, and not-for-profits in his home state of Nebraska.
Carson never did much to publicize his good deeds when he was alive, and apparently the foundation feels the same now.
Still, it's nice to see a celebrity doing good work long after they're gone.

Apparently Charlie Sheen has a fake ID.
Apparently Charlie Sheen thinks he's a teen-aged boy.
In fact, Sheen actually gave the fake ID, which he carried in his wallet, to police when he was arrested after the Christmas Day incident with his wife Brooke Mueller.
Sheen ALLEGEDLY told the cop:
"It's fake, I had it made from someone on the set after I lost the real one."
The cop confiscated the license, but Charlie won't be charged for possessing the fake California ID even though it's illegal.
Um, Charlie, if you step away from the crack pipe and the knife drawer long enough, you;ll realize that if you lose your license, you can get a new one. Heck, being such a big star and drug addicted wife beater, you might get to move to the front of the line.

Ya'll remember when Caroline Giuliani was arrested for shoplifting at Sephora?
I mean, she only stole about $150 in make up, so it wasnt like a Lindsay Lohan crime spree.
Well, originally Sephora declined to press charges, but now they are feeling the pressure from the public who feel like celebrities', politicians, and their children, get a free ride to commit crimes and not suffer the consequences.
So they are moving forward.
And don't think Manhattan will go all Lohan soft on Giuliani. Some 99% of all 11,022 petty larceny arrests in Manhattan last year were prosecuted.
See you in court, hon.

It must have been about five minutes or so that Kelsey Grammer announced that he was divorcing his third, or fourth, wife, and now comes news that his new girlfriend is ALLEGEDLY pregnant.
At least that's what the baby mama's daddy is telling people.
The father of Kayte Walsh, Grammer's new squeeze, has confirmed to the British tabloids that his child is with child; Grammer's child.
Alan Walsh says: "It's great news and we are very pleased for them both. I don't know how long they have been together and I have not met him yet, but I'm looking forward to it. We just found out about her pregnancy a couple of days ago. I think they met in New York socially because she works for Virgin Airways and often stops over in America. The main thing is for them both to be happy and they are – they have just hit it off together."
Now Grammer is ALLEGEDLY pushing for a quickie divorce now that he's impregnated his girlfriend. Grammer wants to finalize the divorce before making any pregnancy announcement.
Um, too late Kelsey.
It was just five weeks ago that Camille Donatacci Grammer, the third Missus Grammer, announced the marriage was over. At the time Grammer denied he was seeing someone else, Twitter-ing: "Certainly, the time will come when I do see another woman."
See 'em, and knock 'em up.

Mayor Levi.....Has A Nice Ring To It

Levi Johnston is following in his Baby-Momma-In-Law's footsteps and running for mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

And, of course, as all things Levi are apt to be, it will be made into a reality program called, Loving Levi: The Road to the Mayor's Office. The show will center on Johnston's newfound fame as the baby daddy to Palin's grandson, Tripp.

Levi Johnston, not the smartest tool in the shed, though I love his knack for needling Mama Grizzly Bore, admits he wasn't thrilled at first about the mayoral campaign concept, but "the more I think about it and look into it, I think there's a possibility we can make it happen. It's something that I want to do."

One bump in the road, and no, it's not The Quitter, is that Wasilla's mayoral chair isn't actually up for election until 2012. In the meantime, Johnston may look to run for city council.

Levi does say, that if he is elected, he promises to fulfill his duty as the town's mayor.

Unlike that other Alaska politician who quit her job as governor to cash in on her infamy.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Y'all know I'm Team Streep, right? Right?
Well, I am, and this bit of news sounds wonderful.
Apparently Tina Fey has written a new script called Mommy and Me, and Meryl will be playing Tina's mother.
And Stanley Tucci will direct.
Tucci.
Fey.
Streep.
I'm in.
Are you? Well? Are you?

Oh dear, Mama Grizzly Bore must be fit to be tied. Seriously, someone tie her up.
The National Enquirer--I know! But they broke that John Edwards story--is reporting that Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Levi Johnston might just be a baby daddy again. But before you get your abstinence lovin' panties in a twist, the baby momma isn't Bristol.
Nope, Levi tagged his johnston into another girl while he and Grizzly Bore's daughter were, ahem, on a break, and the new baby momma is Levi's former girlfriend, Lanesia Garcia.
What a musical sounding name for such a stupid, stupid girl.
Still, sources--and by sources I mean the Grizzly Bore's Flying Monkeys--say that the baby daddy could be one of Lanesia's ex-boyfriends.
Sheesh. What a web of teen screwing and bodily fluid exchanges. But, Bristol, and The Bore no doubt, are livid about the news. Another source, and this one is the dry cleaner who takes in Lanesia's delicates, I think, says: "[Bristol] just found out about Lanesia's pregnancy and is freaking out. [Levi] told her that getting back with Lanesia wasn't serious--it was brief, just a fling and ended months ago. But Bristol is questioning the engagement. She's really jealous. Lanesia's planning to do a paternity test after the baby is born. She's extremely embarrassed she doesn't know who the father is." Yeah.
That is embarrassing.

From the American Idol Newsroom:
Courtney Love is in talks to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. So, however, is my mailman, the lady at the deli counter at Kroger, and the drunk guy who lives under the bridge down by the WalMart.
Still, Jessica "Dimbulb" Simpson, Howard "Dear God No" Stern, Bret "I Need More Media Coverage" Michaels, Chris "Snooze" Isaak, Elton "I'd Only Do It If The Money Was REALLY Good And No Illegal Immigrants Could Watch It" John, and Justin "So Gay" Timberlake.
Out of all of them, Courtney, however would be the best because you'd never know if you were gonna get crazy Courtney or sane Courtney.

And this just in from the Idol Hotline:

Ellen is gone.

Ellen DeGeneres is leaving because she didn't like judging and being harsh. And probably because that awful Nigel Lythgoe is coming on board. I don't blame her a bit; Idol is like the Titanic: it's going down and there isn't any great jewelry to be found.

And, as if that's not bad enough, Kara DioGuardi has reportedly been fired so she'll go back to being a nobody. That leaves us the dawg, Randy Jackson.

So? Randy, Courtney and Elton? Randy, Simpson and Isaak?

Nope. The money seems to be on Randy, Jennifer Lopez, and Steven Tyler.

I'm done. I can take Randy, but JNo? No. Not someone with an ego as big as her ass. Plus you just know she'd wanna sing a couple of times during the season, hell, each episode, and then beg to have her husband, Skeletor, sing, too.

And Steven Tyler? Before, during or after rehab?

This has trainwreck written all over it and not the good kind of trainwreck, you know, where no one dies and there's free cheese on the ground.

I like Leonardo DiCaprio. He's talented, compassionate, cute, and smart. He drives a Prius. But, it's the smart part I'm lovin' right about now.

See, Leo was supposed to be in the next Mel Gibson disaster, er, movie, and he decided that it was better to go all Nancy Reagan and Just Say No.

Leo was set to star in MELtdown's next ::::yawn:::: epic, a viking picture, but decided he doesn't need the kind of exposure one gets from being around Gibson. You know, death threats and such.

Smart move, Leo.

But I pray Mel doesn't have your cell phone number because I'd hate to see the messages he'd be leaving you.

Oh Dear God.

Is this how you get an acting career these days? Especially when your father is Laurence Fishburne?

It seems that Fishburne's nineteen-year-old daughter wants to be a star, but doesn't want to have to, you know, take classes and audition and stuff to get there. She wants stardom and she wants it now, so she's come up with the perfect solution.

Sex.Tape.

Montana Fishburne is ALLEGEDLY releasing a sex tape through Vivid Entertainment and proudly says: "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape."

Yeah, Montana, that's the ticket.

Why don't you just whore yourself out to Mel Gibson? I hear he's looking for someone to start in a new viking movie.

Oh Duchess. Your money problems know no end.

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, is ALLEGEDLY in debt to her personal trainer to the tune of £65,000, but that's nothing new to her. The original Fergie spends money faster than she doesn't earn it.

Seems she used to order her staff--and why does she still have staff?--to fix elaborate feasts for her and her two Princesses, and wash them down with champagne and vodka.

Champagne, Fergie? You're on a beer budget, or you should be.

But she does have a knight in shining armor; her ex-husband Prince Andrew. Andy is said to be highly embarrassed over Fergie's addiction to spending money she does not have, but he is ALLEGEDLY willing to pay off her debts.....to the butcher, the dry cleaner, the newspaper agent and the car rental facility. Sadly, though, he won't be touching her American debts....to McDonald's and Pizza Hut and JC Penneys.

A source, and by source I mean one of those guys in the furry hats who guard the castle--says: "The Duke is not touching her debts in America but his people are going to sit down and itemise every debt here and pay them off one by one. The total comes to around £1.5million."

Lucky gal, she really did marry--and divorce--a Prince.

Lindsay News!!!

She apparently thinks jail is like rehab. It's just like the Four Seasons with bars...though not the kinds of bars that one stumbles out of at 4 AM, but the kinds of bars they put on windows.

Lindsay is ALLEGEDLY quite the slammer diva and has all sorts of demands while incarcerated for being a drug addict, car thief, alcoholic, kidnapper. and probation violator.

A released inmate--who was paid in vodka and prescription drugs--says: "The other day Lindsay was freaking out because she wanted another blanket. She kept yelling out, 'Hello! I asked for a blanket like two hours ago! I'm getting sick!' It went on for hours."

And another visitor to the jail says: "My sister told me that Lindsay was complaining about not having any bottled water to drink, and saying that unpurified water makes her sick. But this isn't some fancy hotel. If inmates want water, they drink good old Los Angeles tap water. Then she was demanding someone bring her a fan. She said she was going to pass out. Of course she didn't get it — or the water."

Poor Lindsay. Jail isn't rehab. It's JAIL.

This is funny.

Cameron Diaz was recently asked, at the London premiere of her disastrously awful movie with Tom Cruise, Knight and Day, if she wanted to perform onstage in London's West End and she apparently became apoplectic.

She said she'd never do stage because she has stage fright and because, she says: "I am a film actress. I do movies. I have never done theatre before."

Plus, there is that whole thing about being able to act, and not have to rely on take after take after take to get the scene right. And that whole, they don't pay in cocaine for theater work.

Just sayin'.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

Ryan Seacrest got himself a girlfriend.
And I don't mean the "Hey gurl, what'chu wearin'?" kind.
I mean, a girlfriend of the female persuasion....who admits she turned down his advances ::::ick:::: for years because she thought he was a homo.
Julianne Hough has been dating Seacrest for months, and she wants all of us to know that, even though she thought he was gay for years, he isn't. He's a big burly manly man.....who likes to wear lip gloss.
Just sayin'.
Julianne Hough ALLEGEDLY told one of her friends--and by "friend" I mean someone who knows her but sells intimate details of her life to a magazine for a few bucks: "[Ryan] was after me since I was 18 ... he totally wasn't my type ... I thought he was gay. After a few years, he was persistent ... so I went out with him on a date and I realized how much I liked him."
Notice, however, that she didn't actually say he wasn't gay. She says she thought he was gay and then realized she likes him. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Y'all remember when Britney went crazy and shaved her head and lost custody of her kids and gave drugged out performances on MTV and lost control of her own life?
Yeah, well, do you remember that it was one Mister Mel-Racist-Homophobe-Misogynist-Alcoholic-Batterer-Gibson who promised us all he'd rescue her if she'd just take his advice?
And she didn't?
Well, now that the Crazy Shoe is on the other foot, folks are saying that Britney is reaching out to Mad Mel. A source--and by source I mean someone who knows neither Mel nor Britney--explains: “Mel has been talking to her a lot, they speak on the phone. Mel was one of the only people who reached out to help Britney when she was at her lowest point, and she believes that demonstrates what a loving and wonderful man he is. She wants people to give him a second chance — just like he gave her one when everyone else turned away.”
Hmmm, some say Britney's just being sweet, but I think she's drinking the CrazyAid again.
Mel needs more than a pop stars help. He needs a full-time team of therapists and doctors and guards with stun guns.

And, speaking of Britney.
Girl is having a crisis of the weave. See that picture? That is the back of multimillionaire and international pop sensation Britney Spears’ head.
It remind me of what happened to my sister's barbie dolls when she used to think she was Vidal Sasson and got Mom's scissors out of the kitchen drawer.
If she's trying to play the Crazy Card again, walking around like this will certainly help. I mean, why? She's a millionaire-with-two-dollar-hair.
Seriously, if I saw this girl walking the streets of Smallville, I'd think she was our resident meth-headed-call-girl Becky Sue. And I'd still cross to the other side of the street.,

Donald Trump is suing an airport.
I believe it's because they tried to make him check his hair because it didn't fit into the overhead compartment, but he says it's because the airport wants to expand.
Trump has filed a lawsuit against the Palm Beach International Airport to stop them from making it bigger because it's too close to one of his mansions, where he spends about four days a year.
And he isn't a fan of the noise and pollution associated with an airport any more than I'm a fan of the noise and pollution associated with anything Trump.
Still, his lawsuit has effectively put the plans on hold, but I think he'll have to cough up a ton of money to keep the airport from adding a second runway.
Hey, Here's an idea, Donny. Use the part in that wig of yours as a runway. Then you can name it TrumpWay and charge a fortune for people to land on it.
Win-win.

And now, from the Lindsane Files:
Jail makes for strange bedfellows.
I wouldn't know, having never spent time in prison, but this is what I'm told.
Lindsay Lohan will be spending a fortnight in a 12-by-8 cell, be separated from the other 1,800 prisoners, just like her frenemies, and former jailbirds, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Khloe Kardashian and 'Lost' alum Michelle Rodriguez.
But, it's Lindsay's current next-cell-neighbor that I find interesting.
It's Alexis Neiers, star of E!'s Pretty Wild, who resides in the cell next to Lindsane's. But, and here's the rub, Neiers is incarcerated for her part in a string of robberies that hit celebrity homes.
Like Lindsay Lohan's!
Although Neiers is locked up specifically for burglarizing Orlando Bloom's home, a watch stolen from Lindsay was found at the Neiers' home.
Strange bedfellows indeed.
And in more Lohan news, Judge Marsha Revel ordered that Lohan must not be released to house arrest or electronic monitoring and also slashed the 24-year-old's transition time between jail and her 90-day rehab stint from 48 to 24 hours.
Perhaps that little fuck u manicure pissed off the judge after all.



Oh, yeah, this is a good idea. Chris Isaak is apparently one of the top contenders to replace Simon Cowell on next season's American Idol.
Huh? What? Huh?
Though the audition process, AKA make fun of the crazies, began last week in Nashville, there has been no formal announcement on who gets Cowell's chair.
Other folks rumored to be in the running are:
Me! Hey! I sent in a tape and just because I haven't heard doesn't mean......oh, who am I kidding?
Still, former Sony Music boss, and ex-Mister Mariah Carey, Tommy Mottola wants in; as does Maddona's manager Guy Oseary, and Harry Connick Jr.
The Hollywood Reporter--AKA The New York Times of Hollywood--says that Isaak has met with show runners twice so far in pursuit of the gig.
Chris Isaak? Really? He's more Paula Abdul than Simon Cowell.
Hell, I may have to resubmit my tape............



No one cares.
Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston's Us Weekly cover was a bust for the magazine because no one wants to see these two dimwits if they don't have to, and not one of the tabloids are willing to buy the photos that Mama Grizzly Bore's demon spawn is shopping of her and Levi together!
A source--and by source I mean receptionist at an unnamed tabloid--reveals: "Last week sales figures for Us Weekly were a huge disappointment. After spending that sort of money, Us was hoping to sell over a million copies; instead they only sold around 750,000. Don't expect to see any of the Palins on a cover of any other [celebrity] weeklies any time soon."
And as for their proposed Bristol-Levi-Bastard-Child reality show?
No one's biting because no one wants to watch it.
Like mother, like daughter. No.One.Cares.