Loose Ends

I loves me some Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I LOVE Brit Lisa Vanderpump. I always love a Diva Brit with a rockin' bod and a way with words.

Here are just a few of my favorite Lisa quotes:
On Camille’s dancing: "She was really shaking it and moving it. I think all that’s missing was a pole, really."
On her gay houseguest Cedric: "I was very disappointed to see that under all that dynamite, there’s like a two-inch fuse."
On former childstar and castmate, Kim: "It was all good fun, but Kim seemed much more reserved and much more on the outside. Maybe she went back to Witch Mountain."
On having sex with her husband: "My husband calls me a sex object. He says every time he wants sex, I object. I say to him, you know what? Christmas and birthdays. And it’s your birthday, not mine; it’s another day off."
On Taylor and her husband Russell: "I mean, Taylor’s a bright, vivacious, attractive woman. Evidently, opposites attract."
On setting up Kim on a blind date: "I actually have somebody in mind, but he’s — actually, he’s still behind bars."
LOVE.Her.

Johnny Weir.
He's come out.
Of the closet.
He's gay.
Who knew?
But he's copping to his love for all things men and feather boa in his new autobiography.
Color me surprised.
I kid.
Color me nonplussed.

What about the woman who had a meltdown while the republicans in Congress wasted time reading the Constitution instead of, oh, I dunno, getting to fucking work?
They were reading the passage about the president having to be a natural born citizen, when, from up in the gallery, Theresa Cao screamed something like, "It's people! Soylent green is people!"
Oh? That isn't what she said?
"Not Obama! Not Obama! Help us Jesus!"
Yeah, that's what she screamed before security dragged her crazy birthing ass outta there.

I know reality shows aren't real, but they aren't even pretending anymore. I mean, when someone like Calvin, who doesn't win a challenge, doesn't work well with others, insults his clients, stays on The Fashion Show, it makes me wonder.
And I kept wondering after Casey was eliminated from Top Chef all-Stars this week for her chicken feet.
No, she doesn't have chicken feet, she served chicken feet.
And they were awful.
But, um, yeah, what about Jamie?
Jamie cut her finger a couple of weeks back and left to go to the hospital, leaving her team to do all the work. She came back in time to accept some of the credit.
She didn't get knifed.
Then the next week, she couldn't get her chickpeas soft--and that is not any sort of lesbian sexual reference, I mean actual chickpeas--and she didn't serve the judges any food at all because her tam won before her hard peas were plated.
She didn't get knifed.
Then this week she makes nearly inedible scallop dumplings and overcooked green beans and, again, she doesn't get knifed.
Casey and her chicken feet are sent packing.
Who is Jamie $^%^#^^ing to stay on the show.

Elizabeth Edwards left her ex-husband, John, nothing in her will and people are seemingly in shock.
Let's see.
He cheated on her.
His mistress gave birth to his son.
She divorced him.
He's rich.
I'd be surprised if she left him anything at all, unless it was his balls in a jar.

I saw Bill O'Reilly debating with an atheist the other day, I think his name was David Silverman. Silverman's group is responsible for billboards in NYC, and elsewhere, that call religion a scam, and the use of the word scam offended O'Reilly.
But, what offended me, or actually made me laugh out loud, was when O'Reilly said proof of God exists in the fact that the ocean tides rise and fall each day.
Um, Bill, that's actually the moon.
And, according to Vera Charles, the man in the moon is a lady.

And what about newly elected Florida Republican, Teabagger, wingnut, asshat and fucktard, Allen West who says he hates Obama; hates him. He criticized Obama for going to Afghanistan and having Air Force One land at nice out of concern for the president's safety. He thinks the president should put his life at risk and land in broad daylight like the soldiers do, and yet, he was wasn't the least bit concerned that every single president who travels to a war zone lands at night.
He wants Obama to change that.
And I think maybe Obama should, once Allen West flies his illiterate Teabaggin' ass over to Afghanistan and parachutes from the plane at high noon with a giant red flaming bulls eye tattooed on his large fat ass.

Just sayin'.

Strange Bedfellows Indeed

As a regular visitor here at ISBL, you all know how much I loves me some politics; hell, even as a not-so-regular visitor here, you'd have to know I loves me some politics. In fact, I've even had people suggest I run for public office--well, not people so much, as those pesky voices in my head. But I digress.

I think: Me? Public office?

Then I think: Me? Liberal Homosexual, Pro-Choice, Anti-death penalty? In South Carolina?

Yeah, not gonna happen.

Then I hear about people like the Youngs, Andrew and Cheri. He's kinda nebbishly hot, or nerdly lukewarm; she's kinda uptight Stepford wife-ish. You've heard of them no doubt? He's the one who pretended to be John Edwards' mistress's baby daddy, even though he was already married and the father of three. He even took a chunk of John Edwards considerable wealth for announcing to the world that he had cheated on his wife and fathered a child--something, by the way, that it took John Edwards years to do.

But the Youngs are all over TV now, promoting Andy's book, The Politician, in which he basically trashes both John and Elizabeth Edwards, while painting himself and his wife as the proverbial "good people."

Um, Andy? You announced to the world that you cheated on your wife and fathered a child. Not exactly "good people," my friend. And, um, Andy, you took a healthy paycheck from the real baby-daddy for your lie; again, not "good people".

And you say you did it because you loved John and Elizabeth Edwards and, oh yeah, you hoped that John would become president and you might get some cushy cabinet post or ambassador-ship for your lie. Not.Good.People.

And, Cheri, honey? You don't come off so sweet either. I mean, you knew about the affair and kept it from your friend. You knew about the baby and kept it from your friend. You moved the mistress into your own home so she could hide her pregnancy and never told your friend.

Yeah, you're "good people" all right.

And then we have that other adulterer, Appalachian-Trail-hiking-Argentinean-woman-mounting-impeach-Clinton-because-he-cheated, Mark Sanford. And the lovely Jenny.

Jenny has a book, too; it's called Staying True. In it, the lovely Jenny With The Coal Black Heart, says that Marky asked her for advice on how to handle the media when word got out that he was schtupping a South American woman. He asked her if she thought he should follow his heart to Argentina and live forever with his soul mate. She does write that she wished he'd kept those thoughts to himself, but she heard him say the words and she stayed.

True.

Jenny Sanford discovered the affair back in January 2009 when she "happened" across a letter Marky had written to the mistress. She says she felt "gut-punched all over again" but she had to have known something was up when she was going through his papers in his desk. But then she learned of other, ahem, dalliances with other women when Marky gave an interview to the Associated Press.

The lovely Jenny says that Marky had admitted just the one affair up until that point, but now that the news was out, he wanted her advice on how to handle it. She doesn't write about any advice she gave him; but she stayed.

True.

And the lovely Jenny also talks of the days after the affair story broke, and how she had her attorney draw up a contract under which she would not reveal the affair if her husband would stop seeing his mistress. She writes that the governor refused, but she stayed.

True.

This is politics in America, people. A dirty business.

People lying about having affairs they never had, and people having affairs and then lying about them. People using the immorality of others to further their own political agenda, either for money or power; people using their friendship and trust of others to ask then to put their own lives, and marriages, and families, at risk; people who seeks to put their marriage into a contract of what they will and will not say, in exchange for a little fidelity.

Yeah, I loves me some politics, but I don't love many politicians, or their spouses.
Democrat or Republican.

It isn't about service for people like the Edwards and the Youngs and the Sanfords, and others, it's about greed and power, and living a life not being held accountable for your actions. Now, I'm not saying that all politicians are corrupt or immoral or just plain stupid, but the percentages do seem to get higher when you run for office.

So, I'll stick to writing about politics, and keep my sense of self-worth, my ethics and my morality close to home.