I Didn't Say It ...

Don Cheadle, on why he wore that  ‘Protect Trans Kids’ t-shirt on SNL:

“You have this platform and you have an opportunity to say something. My daughter actually gave me that shirt. I said ‘I’m going to wear it, I’m just waiting for the perfect time.’ I think that was a good one.”

It was a great thing to see, a celebrity standing up for the trans community, but not at a rally or a march, just on TV introducing a singer.

Cheadle rules.

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Joe Biden, former Vice president, saying he’s “very close” to making a decision about running in 2020:

“The first hurdle for me was deciding whether or not I am comfortable taking the family through what would be a very, very difficult campaign. No matter who runs, it’s a very difficult campaign. I’m certain about where the family is, but the second piece is that I don’t want this to be a fool’s errand and I want to make sure that if we do this—and we’re very close to getting to a decision—that I am fully prepared to do it.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again …run, Joe, run.

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Emma Thompson, explaining why she quit the animated film Luck  after Skydance, the producers, accused sexual predator John Lasseter:

"It feels very odd to me that you and your company would consider hiring someone with Mr. Lasseter's pattern of misconduct given the present climate in which people with the kind of power that you have can reasonably be expected to step up to the plate … If a man has been touching women inappropriately for decades, why would a woman want to work for him if the only reason he's not touching them inappropriately now is that it says in his contract that he must behave 'professionally'? I am well aware that centuries of entitlement to women’s bodies whether they like it or not is not going to change overnight. Or in a year. But I am also aware that if people who have spoken out—like me—do not take this sort of a stand then things are very unlikely to change at anything like the pace required to protect my daughter’s generation.”

Good for her to take a stand.

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Seth Meyers, on _____’s assertion that Spike Lee’s Oscar speech about love and understanding was an attack on him:

“I love that [Spike] didn’t mention _____ by name. but when _____ heard hate, he assumed it was about him. When _____ hears hate, it’s like the Bat-Signal for him.”

Yup, when someone talks of love and understanding and acceptance, ______ hears hate, instantly thinks they’re talking about him and has a TwitterMeltdon™.

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Ivanka _____, daughter of the Liar-in-Thief and a White House senior adviser, says the majority of Americans ideologically believe her daddy and not Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s calls for minimum wage increases:

“I don’t think most Americans, in their heart, want to be given something. I’ve spent a lot of time traveling around this country over the last 4 years. People want to work for what they get. So, I think that this idea of a guaranteed minimum is not something most people want. They want the ability to be able to secure a job. They want the ability to live in a country where’s there’s the potential for upward mobility.”

Says the woman born into a millionaire family.

Says the woman who never got a job her father didn’t hand her.

Says the women who never once struggled for a job or a chance to get ahead.

Fuck off, grifter.

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Pat Robertson, once again showing how often he thinks about gay sex:

“The incredible thing about the homosexuals is they are willing to destroy lives and destroy the whole fabric of society so long as they and their weird way of doing sex is legitimized. That’s what they want and they will take away everything; they will destroy marriage, they will destroy families, they will destroy, in this case, the foster children. They are willing to tear down the entire edifice in order to have the majority of people recognize the way they do sex.”

Examples, please, of a life destroyed because I’m gay?

 … crickets …

Okay, maybe an example of how many people I have asked to, um, ‘recognize’ how I have sex?

… crickets …

Hey Pat, we just want equality and love, the same things you want, well, except that whole business about being a religious wacknut.

That part you can keep.

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Alex Trebek, Jeopardy host, on who should take his job when he retires:

“It’s probably going to be a woman, somebody younger, somebody bright, somebody personable, somebody with a great sense of humor. So I nominated Betty White.”

I could get behind that!

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Rick Santorum, AKA Frothey Mix, AKA the former GOP Senator from Pennsylvania, excusing ______’s lies about the Russia investigation because ______, well, lies:

“The president doesn’t tell the truth about a lot of things fairly consistently. And so the fact that he’s not telling the truth about Russia fairly consistently, at least in the eyes of the people around here, why is that any different? It’s not like he’s doing something out of character with the Russia investigation, that he’s not doing in other areas.”

Seriously, we need to get over the fact that he lies because he lies almost all the time.

Siddown, Frothy, you’re as useless now as you were in Congress.

And that ain’t no lie.

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It's Snarkurday .... But First, A Favor

If y’all just take a minute and send some positive thoughts to my brother, David, and his wife, Debbie, in California. They have lost their house and everything in it to the Paradise fire.

They are both okay, as are their pets, but now it’s a matter of rebuilding …

Send good thoughts their way … thanks.

We all know Alec Baldwin has a short fuse and that one day he’d be arrested for his temper, but who knew it would involve a parking space?

Yup, Alec Baldwin ALLEGEDLY punched someone while fighting over a New York City parking spot. Now, to be fair, parking your car in a Manhattan garage can cost a literal arm and a leg, but surely Baldwin has those kinds of coins, so why is he dueling it out for a sweet street spot?

Well, it’s because he claims he had a friend hold the spot for him—was he lying down in it—until some man managed to slip in without running over the Baldwin friend. And that’s when Alec went all … Alec … screaming “Fuck off!” and becoming more and more enraged until he punched the unnamed guy in the jaw.

This isn’t the first time Alec has been arrested, but it’s more fun than the previous time when he was collared for riding a bicycle on the wrong side of the road and not having his ID on him.

Now he’s punching out strangers because they pulled a swift one on his Parking Dog.

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Lindsay Lohan apparently still thinks she’s a big star … because one of her representatives—and that may be just the guy on the nearest bar stool—went begging for deals on a Facebook group for publicists and marketers asking that interested parties should “reach out if you rep a brand that is interested in endorsement opportunities with Lindsay.”

The rep then suggested that “acceptable brands include: fashion, beauty, car, lifestyle, CPG, fitness/lifestyle, food/drinks, entertainment/media, tech. Must have a substantial budget.”

He got three responses.

I get more than that for a picture of Tuxedo on my Timeline.

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Kim Kardastrophe, who once famously claimed, on social media, that she would dial back her social media activity, is now using … wait for it … social media, to explain why she’s an idiot.

Kim, and her BFF … not her husband … Jonathan Cheban, went to Kendall’s Halloween party dressed as Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee at the 1999 MTV VMAs because …? There is no answer.

And naturally Kardastrophe spent most of the evening filming herself and then posting it to Instagram asking people to guess her costume. And it turned out most people couldn’t figure it out … remember, she went as a has-been actress from 1999 … when most of her “fans” were still in utero, she got a little testy.

So, testy in fact, that she said, of one of the people who doesn’t know, or give a flying eff, about Pamela Anderson, “retarded.”

Yes. She did. And quicker than you can say Gimme more hits on social media she was back on social media apologizing for using the ‘R’ word:

“I want to apologize for what I said in a recent video post that is inappropriate and insensitive to the special needs community. I try to learn from my mistakes and this is one of those times. Please know that my intention is always pure, and in this case, it was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

You’d think being married to a lunatic would make her be more careful when choosing her words, but, you know, she’s an idiot.

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I do love some Emma Thompson …

She was recently appointed a Dame and Prince William awarded her the honor, with Thompson posting to social media:

“I love Prince William. I’ve known him since he was little, and we just sniggered at each other. I said, ‘I can’t kiss you, can I?’ And he said, ‘No, don’t!’”

I guess we’re all lucky it wasn’t Harry who proclaimed her a Dame; who knows what she might have asked to do with Hot Prince Ginger.

I have some ideas … but only for when Harry makes me a Dame!

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Back to the Kardastrophe that is Kim.

Remember when she became famous for doing a porn film with her then-boyfriend Ray J?
Well, now her co-star in that epic film is ALLEGEDLY talking, and not talking, about their sexy times together.

Ray J claims Kimmy would stop, mid-f**k, to reapply her make-up or to take a phone call from That Woman … who was probably directing the sex from a closed-circuit TV somewhere.

Naturally, retired porn star Kim Kardastrophe took to Twitter to call Ray J a pathological liar.

Bitch, look in a mirror. But maybe Ray J got a’scurred of That Woman’s evil powers because now he’s walking back his original story with a much longer, more boring version:

“I felt like I needed to come online and shut down all of these false rumors that are going on about me and what I said about somebody I’ve been with in the past… Let me make this one thing clear: I’m in a great place in my life. I’m happy. I love my wife. I’ve got a beautiful new baby girl, her name is Melody Love Norwood and I’ve been trying to be the best parent I can be. I would never say these things after watching my wife go through labor for 28 hours, okay? This is disgusting. The person I am now is not who I was in the past. And I need y’all to give me a chance to grow and to love and to respect the people I’m with without trying to slander my name, please. God is working, and obviously the devil is trying to work, too, but it will not happen. I will not let that happen, y’all… I love my wife and I have nothing but respect for everybody out there, past and present. False rumors.”

That’s a whole lotta nothing, and, you know, who doesn’t believe Kim would postpone the sex to fix her face, even her old one, or call her mama, or post a selfie?

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Sometimes, no matter how good you think you look, you shouldn’t be brag about your beauty costs.

Real Housewife of New Jersey, and ex-con, Teresa Giudice announced that she spends $22,077 a month on her beauty routine.

That’s a lot of pancake to spatula on and spray tanning via firehose. And when you consider all the money she is going to have to fork over for an immigration attorney in the coming months to keep her husband Joe from being deported after he gets out of the Big House, maybe Giudice ought to stick with budget Maybelline and Dollar Store Botox.

Amirite?

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Last spring, Judith Nathan Giuliani filed for divorce from Rudy Giuliani, claiming he was both a liar and a cheat …and not to mention a literal member of the rat family. But now Judy is adding more to her list of complaints about Rudy; she says he’s overspending their money and that he’s a fool.

That last one is a given.

Recent court documents accuse Rudy of spending $900,000 since their divorce filing, with a buttload going for his new mistress, cigars and … pens.

Pens? Pens. Yes, Rudy spent about $12,000 on cigars since he asked his wife to divorce him so he could marry his next mistress, and also bought $7,100 worth of pens. He’s also accused of spending $286,532 on his ALLEGED mistress, the still very married, Maria Rosa Ryan and $447,938 “for his own enjoyment”—wouldn’t that also be Maria?—as well as $165,165 “for travel expenses”.

And best of all, while Rudy is buying someone else’s wife and cigars and Bics, he is also claiming he cannot pay the third future ex-Mrs. Giuliani any support because he is “dealing with a diminished income” since he quit his law practice to go work for Donald Trump “for free”.

Free. That’s rich. The only thing Giuliani does for free is his mistresses ... until he leaves his wife, and then he starts paying.

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I Didn't Say It........

Barney Frank, on the news that a young lesbian was punched in the stomach by a NOM supporter at their Indianapolis rally:
“People have a constitutional right to express themselves as they wish, and that right obviously applies even to people who for some reason have dedicated much of their lives to trying to diminish the lives of others. I do not understand what it is that drives people to spend so much time trying to take away the rights of those of us who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender, but they should understand that the freedom to do so in no way insulates them from those who disagree with their agenda from making their presence clear. For someone engaging in that right of peaceful counter-demonstration to be assaulted by a NOM attendee is wholly unacceptable and the leaders of this organization should be taking steps not simply to prevent any such behavior in the future, but to exclude from their ranks anyone who was engaged in it in the past.”

It's funny how NOM continually plays the victim card, and yet they are touring the country, spreading hate.
We should all be such victims.

Julia Roberts. on the botox/plastic surgery trend in Hollywood:
“It’s unfortunate that we live in such a panicked, dysmorphic society where women don’t even give themselves a chance to see what they’ll look like as older persons. I want to have some idea of what I’ll look like before I start cleaning the slates. I want my kids to know when I’m pissed, when I’m happy, and when I’m confounded. Your face tells a story… and it shouldn’t be a story about your drive to the doctor’s office.”

Nothing wrong with a little 'bo', unless you end up looking like a cross between Joan Rivers and Sylvester Stallone.
No one needs to see that.

Slumdog Millionaire star Dev Patel, on being pissed at Hollywood because he is not getting offered substantial roles:
"Because Slumdog was such a big hit there was a lot of pressure in terms of what I did next. For my second film I wanted a role that would stretch me, but all I was getting offered were stereotypical parts like the goofy Indian sidekick...[Or] I'm likely to be offered the roles of a terrorist, cab driver and smart geek… I want to show that I have versatility....I'm buzzing with adrenaline and raring to go, but I have to be realistic. Being an Asian actor, it's never going to be easy. Hopefully the industry is changing and the casting directors will be less focused on colour so that people like myself can get through the door."

Why cast him as the "Asian"? Why not just cast him as "that guy"?
I think if Hollywood looked beyond skin color and accent and ethnicity, it might translate to the rest of us.

Kenny Chesney, AGAIN on his five-month marriage to his beard Renee Zellweger:
“There ain’t nothing you can do about it. Just hang on for the ride. Now I look back on it as just another way of getting knocked down on the football field.”

Oh, Miss Chesney.
You pose and you ponder and yet you can't get beyond a marriage of convenience from FIVE YEARS AGO.
Look around, gurl, Renee has already moved on to another ALLEGED closeted mo.
Build a bridge, Kenny, build a bridge and get over it.

Verne E. Rupright, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, on Levi Johnston's mayoral bid:
"Well, it is a little early to declare. Usually most wait until the year the seat is up. But since I am nearly old enough to be Levi's grandfather I think it would be wise for him to get a high school diploma and keep his clothes on. The voters like that!"

I think Verne ought to give up his office and take his act on the road.
He's funny.
High school diploma! Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

Florida Attorney General Bill McCollum, on his desire to see his state's ban on gay adoption extended to gay foster parenting:
"I really do not think that we should have homosexuals guiding our children. I think that it’s a lifestyle that I don’t agree with. I realize a lot of people do. It’s my personal faith, religious faith, that I don’t believe that the people who do this should be raising our children. It’s not a natural thing. You need a mother and a father. You need a man and a woman. That’s what God intended."

Of course, within hours of having this quote hit the airwaves, homophobe fucktard asshat wingnut loser McCollum said he didn't "remember" saying such a thing.
Uh huh.

Emma Thompson, who is writing the screenplay for the remake of My Fair Lady, on Audrey Hepburn:
"I was thrilled to be asked to do it because, having a look at it, I thought that there needs to be a new version. I'm not hugely fond of the film. I find Audrey Hepburn fantastically twee. Twee is whimsy without wit. It's mimsy-mumsy sweetness without any kind of bite. And that's not for me. She can't sing and she can't really act, I'm afraid. I'm sure she was a delightful woman - and perhaps if I had known her I would have enjoyed her acting more, but I don't and I didn't, so that's all there is to it, really."

Oh, Emma, I do so like you, but, honey, ripping on Audrey Hepburn?
She knew she couldn't sing, but the studio wanted her for the job.
And she can, could, act.
Maybe since you didn't know her, you should just keep quiet.
M'kay?

Cardinal Norberto Rivera, on the Mexican Supreme Court's ruling that Mexico City's marriage equality law is constitutional:
"The Roman Catholic archbishop said it was wrong to go against Christian doctrine that recognizes only marriages between a man and a woman. 'The church cannot fail to call evil evil,' Rivera said in a statement...The Federal District is the only part of Mexico that allows gay marriages. The city government said last week that since 320 same-sex couples had married since March, 173 of them male and 147 female. Rivera said homosexuals have suffered abuses from the broader society, but argued that allowing same-sex marriages is not the way to try to atone for such injustices. He called same-sex unions 'inherently immoral,' saying they 'distort the nature of marriage raised by Christ to the dignity of a sacrament.'"

More bullshiz about religion and marriage and laws.
When will they ever learn?

Julia Roberts, on love and equality:
"Even in America, we think that we're such forerunners and, you know, we haven't worked out all the kinks either. So I think that...love is the ultimate theme of our lives, and to let everybody love in the best way they can, in the most nurturing way, with whoever that person is that they choose, or chooses them. I mean, if we could get that down it would solve a lot of other problems."

You're preachin' to the choir, Mizz Roberts.
Let's make equality the law of the land so we can focus on real issues.

Kathy Griffin, on the Levi Johnston pretend engagement to Bristol Palin:
"Well of course I take full responsibility. Here's the thing: Once you have a fly girl like me, you're desperate and you'll do anything to get over me. The lengths that my poor Levi had to go to try to get over me are quite staggering. Bristol and I may have to have some sort of Waiting to Exhale moment, where we're both Angela Bassett. Or, frankly I'd prefer that she was Angela Bassett and I of course got to be Whitney Houston. Maybe we can set his clothing on fire in Wasilla. We are now forever connected. I guess if Levi comes back to me I will take him back, because who knows, I could still be, through Sarah Palin — also an endless source of material for me — one click away from living in the White House. So get ready, Barney Frank and Scott Brown. I just might be in the Oval Office if I play my cards right!"

I'm sure he'll come back to you Kathy.
He's about due for another fifteen minutes.