Tuesday Thought #1

Tuesday Thought #3

Bobservations

Last weekend was Carlos’ birthday, and I asked him to pick a favorite restaurant for a celebratory dinner; he thought and thought, and then he said this …

“I was thinking of a few things we could do for my birthday …”

“Like what?”

“Well, we could get up early and take the recycling to the recycling center …”

Yes, he was talking garbage. Now, he had thoughts on some other ways to spend the day, but that was his first thought.

I almost put a candle on a garbage bag.

PS We never did have dinner because, for his birthday, he gave me a cold.

I know, right?

Oh, how the times have changed ... Little Mittsy Romney. It wasn’t so long ago that the two-time loser in the presidential campaign said, of _____, that he’s a "fraud" and "phony" whose words and actions are “degrading” to women, and whose policies would trigger a recession, make America less safe and foster an era of "trickle-down racism."

Now that Mittsy wants to be the next Utah Senator, he now says he supports much of what the president has done such as cutting taxes, rolling back business regulations and reducing the size of Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments in southern Utah.

When an audience member asked what Romney might say about _____ today, he replied:

“I look forward. I’m not going to look backward.”

You know, cuz looking back shows what a hypocrite and a political hack Mitt Romney is.

So, Facebook … no privacy at all? Say whaaaaaaaaat? Fake news stories all over? Say whaaaaaaaaat?

Let me make this queer, if you believe you have privacy on Facebook, you’re a moron; and if you believe every story you read on Facebook, without checking it out first, then you must also believe kittens can play the guitar and newborns can recite the Gettysburg address.

Cuz that’s on Facebook, too.

Speaking of the Fat Bastard, in an interview with reporters aboard Air Force One, ______ denied knowing that his lawyer Michael Cohen made a $130,000 payment to hush porn star Stormy Daniels.

Oops. Stormy’s case is based on the idea that the confidentiality agreement is invalid because _____ was not a party to it and so by having the Fat Bastard say he was unaware of the monetary agreement, he basically confirmed that what Stormy says is true.

Seriously; let that man near a microphone and he’ll hang himself every time. I cannot wait for him to get into a room with Robert Mueller.

Rightwingnut and #FakeChristian Laura Ingraham returned to Fox News this week after her self-imposed exile to stem the tide of advertisers fleeing her show because she’s lying raging bitch, and she started off with a bang: a ten-minute diatribe called, "The Left's Plot to Silence Conservatives."

And in that unhinged rant, she once again went after student activist David Hogg—who led the boycott against her show and her advertisers—of being “Stalinist."

This is what the right does; they attack anyone and everyone who has a difference of opinion, and then play the victim. Funny, though, while she whines about her poor show losing advertisers, she still has a show and earns an income.

All David Hogg has is Freedom of Speech, from which he earns not one cent.

Last week, in this space, we talked Justin Jones, the candidate for the Arkansas House who said, “fags are disgusting” and “1000% more likely than any straight person” to contact HIV.

This week we learn that Jones has suspended his campaign.

Sorry, not sorry.

It was 150 years ago that the great[?] state of South Carolina debated seceding from the Union … a decision that led to the Civil War.

Now, the topic has come up again, amid a national debate over firearms and gun rights and so three of South Carolina’s more asshatted Republicans … because, of course … have introduced a bill that would allow lawmakers to debate seceding from the U.S. “if the federal government confiscates legally purchased firearms in this State.”

The asshats are Ashley Trantham, Mike Pitts, and Jonathon Hill; Pitts admits the bill has no chance at passage but, you know, why waste time dealing with real issues that face this state when you can just be an ass.

While suffering the head cold that Carlos gave to me for his birthday, I watched some old movies on TV, and stumbled upon Butterflies Are Free—the 1970s film about q blind aspiring singer-songwriter [Edward Albert] moving away from his overprotective mother [Eileen Heckart] and living next door to free-spirited actress [Goldie Hawn].

It was cute and fun and reminded of just how dreamy Edward Albert Jr. was back then, and how he’s still kinda hot today. That’s him down there with his father, Eddie Albert, from Green Acres fame.

Just sayin’.

The Funny Papers

Drew Sheneman, Adam Zyglis,Steve Breen, David Horsey, Mike Smith, Randy Bish, David Fitzsimmons, Steve Benson, Nick Anderson, Steve Sack

Bobservations

One morning this week, I was in our home office and Carlos comes into tell me of yet another reason the Conservatives will be freaking out: male dancers with the professional sports teams. Not cheerleaders, but dancers.

I started to say something about how that might not exactly rile up the conservatives and Carlos said:

‘And some of them are really hot.”

Now we know the real reason behind his story.

PS Carlos loves American Ninja Warriors because, he says, the men must be in amazing physical shape to compete; then, of course, he adds:

“Some of them are really hot.”

Are you sensing a theme?

The GOP is all abuzz that Paul Ryan will be resigning soon. And, in case you thought that was just wishful thinking, think about how shortly after the rumor broke Paul Ryan put out an official statement denying a press report that Republicans were saying that he was getting ready to resign.

Uh huh. Bye Felicia.

Earlier this year the LGBTQ community of Starkville, Mississippi planned a Pride parade, but the alderman in the city put the kibosh on a Queer Celebration. Then the LGBTQ community filed a federal lawsuit against the city of Starkville and there was a revote, a 3-3 deadlock that was broken after Mayor Lynn Spruill voted in favor of the parade.

So, last Saturday Starkville held their Pride parade and it was the biggest parade in the city’s history, with over 3,000 people flooding downtown Starkville for the first ever LGBTQ Pride parade.

Mayor Spruill has been a vocal LGBTQ supporter and praised the turnout made possible by the high level of attention brought to the situation:

“I never expected to have this many people. Somewhere between 2,500 and 3,000 people and this would never have happened if we didn’t have the controversy, so I’m almost grateful for the controversy in the sense it became something more than it ever would have been and it became something we can be very proud of, with no issues associated with it.”

Congrats, Starkville, for your Pride.

From the Rightwingnuts and NRA Lapdogs Are Lying Pigs file comes the story of Parkland shooting survivor Emma Gonzalez being pictured ripping the US Constitution into pieces.

Conservatives, gun nuts, asshats, morons, douchebags and idiots all over posted and reposted the picture except …

What? It was faked!

The original photo was from a Teen Vogue story from last week featuring Gonzalez, and other teen activists, ripping a target poster, not the Constitution.

Teen Vogue chief content officer, Phillip Picardi, set the record straight on Twitter:

"The fact that we even have to clarify this is proof of how democracy continues to be fractured by people who manipulate and fabricate the truth."

Rightwingnutted fake news spreaders and liars.

I would now like to thank all the “Family Values Voters” who still support _____for finally admitting that their moral outrage at Democrats over the last thirty years was total bullshit.

See, to the conservatives, being married three times and cheating on all of your wives with multiple parties is just fine.

And then you have evangelicals saying that _____’s affairs and bad behavior are between him and his “God,” yet these same evangelicals were all up in my business when I wanted to marry my husband.

Fuck off, asshats.

Speaking of Asshats and the GOP, Indiana Governor, and Republican, because of course, Eric Holcomb just passed a law that every time a woman seeks medical or psychological treatment she must be quizzed about past abortions.

Failure to disclose past abortions can result in 6 months in jail and $1000 fine.

The GOP cannot keep their hands out of women’s vaginas.

In other GOP hypocrisy, Arizona has about a thousand gun deaths every year, but the governor, Republican because of course, Doug Ducey, opposes universal background checks.

But last week one person was killed by a driver-less Uber automobile, and Ducey suspended Uber from driver-less autonomous testing.

So, he’s more concerned with one person killed by an Uber and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about a thousand gun-related deaths.

Louisiana Attorney General Jeff Landry, a Republican, because of course, announced that Baton Rouge police officers Blane Salamoni and Howie Lake will not be charged in the fatal shooting of Alton Sterling in 2016 because they had “good reason to believe” Sterling was armed and resisting arrest.

You know, cuz he was a black man.

Last weekend I watched a British film called B&B, the story of a gay couple refused a single bed at an English bed-and-breakfast; they sued, and won, and a year later, they return to the B&B to celebrate.

Only they find the owner still homophobic, and the owner’s son a closeted gay boy, and a hot beefy Russian staying at the inn. It gets very convoluted; is the Russian gonna hook up with the gay boy? Is he a gay basher? Are the gay men gonna kill him? Is the father gonna kill all of them? Is the son out to kill his homophobic dad?

Let’s say all of that happened and more, and less. It was a fairly decent film but the leads, from top to bottom, were especially delicious …

Tom Bateman played one half of the gay couple, with Sean Teale as his dreamy husband. James Tratas was the beefy Russian with an agenda … to get me riled up.

Just sayin’.

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, Adam Zyglis, David Fitzsimmons, Nick Anderson, Jim Morin, Mike Luckovich, Chan Lowe, John Cole, Pat Bagley, Bill Day

Today In Stoopid: _____ Appointee Lies, Then Lies About Lying

Pete Hoekstra, _____’s newly appointed Ambassador to the Netherlands was confirmed less than two weeks ago and, well, it’s already not that good.

Hoekstra, a former House Intelligence Committee Chairman, was born in the Netherlands—and _____ scored points for that—but that doesn’t help what happens when Hoekstra opens his mouth and _____isms fall out.

In a video clip that's going viral on social media, a Dutch reporter in the US asks Hoekstra why he chose to spread the lie that there are so-called "no-go" zones in the Netherlands, and that cars and politicians are being set on fire there.

Ambassador Hoekstra denied ever saying such a thing and then plays his _____ card by calling the story "fake news":

"That is actually an incorrect statement. Yeah – we would call it fake news. I never said that – no, it's not what I said."

Except that then the reporter shows Hoekstra a video of him saying exactly that:

“The Islamic movement has now gotten to a point where they have put Europe into chaos. Chaos in the Netherlands, there are cars being burned, there are politicians that are being burned, and yes, there are no-go zones in the Netherlands.”

So, Hoekstra clearly said what he said, even though he called it a lie and “fake news” and so when the reporter brings that up again Hoekstra says:

"I didn't call that fake news, I didn't use the words today."

Seriously, he’s trying to lie, on camera, bout something he said just seconds ago, on camera. The reporter looks stunned and says, “No?” and Hoekstra responds.

"I don't think I did.”

And so, the reporter ends the interview with a laugh, but is it really funny? I mean, these _____sters think they can lie, even when the truth is on film in front of their faces, and then lie about the fact that they just lied.

Seriously.

NCRM

The Funny Papers

Clay Bennett, David Horsey, Drew Sheneman, Adam Zyglis, Mike Smith, Mike Luckovich, RJ Matson, Sean Delonas, John Cole, Paresh Nath