Bobservations

Carlos had a court interpretation the other day, and over dinner he was telling me about the case of a young Hispanic girl who kept running away from home, spending days and days at a friend’s house.

Well, apparently the young girl had a girlfriend at the other house and that’s why she kept running away from home. Carlos was telling m that the girl’s mother was upset because she kept coming home with doohickeys on her neck.

“Hickeys.”

“What?”

“They’re called hickeys, not doohickeys.”

“What’s the difference?”

“A hickey is sometimes called a ‘love bite,’ while a doohickey is a word you use for a tool or something, the name of which you can't remember.”

He looked confused. So I called him a doohickey!

This Tuxedo Memory is from January 2019:

“On the chilly days Tuxedo likes to use MaxGoldberg as a pillow.”

And MaxGoldberg never really seemed to mind! Those two boys were the best of friends.

I just finished watching AHS: Delicate and I am officially done with the show if it ever comes back.

Gone are the days of Jessica Lange, Sarah Paulsen, Evan Peters, and Frances Conroy to be replaced by Kim Kardastrophe.

I’m done.

Please tell me that I wasn’t the only one who thought that little piggy was at the Piggly Wiggly or some such?

Does anyone else find it ironic that the anti-immigrant crowd wants immigrants to speak English and yet the anti-immigrant crowd clearly has its own problem with the language?

Okay, why? Why the need for a belt that is so much bigger than your waist that when it hangs loose it has a penis drawn on the backside?

I mean, I’m not a prude, unzip your pants and let your real penis fly!

And here’s the gift that keeps on giving, for those days when I run out of Fucks to give, I always have a stash on hand.

Ever notice that when there’s an earthquake in a  Blue state the GOP always calls it a sign from God as punishment for liberal politics, but when tornadoes tear through a Red state all you get from the GOP is :::crickets:::

And then we have the latest photograph of our esteemed Supreme Kangaroo Court of the United States. All hail SKCOTUS!

Chris Williamson is a fitness model , a reality tv star, a podcaster, a YouTuber and a club promoter but Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

I don’t really have a Carlos story this week, though I will say that I got him up early on a Sunday and we hit CostCo before the church crowd. That was the good news; the bad news is that “The Tasters” weren’t set up that early and Carlos couldn’t graze his way through the store.

The bestest news? We were in and out of CostCo in under twenty-five minutes—spending $368 … or $14.72 a minute—and that might have been a new World record.

As I said the other day, I didn’t watch that show, but I did see the Invention of the Fuck You Clap—as dubbed by Patton Oswalt—by Nancy Pelosi.

It made my day. But even better was Pelosi’s daughter’s explanation of the clap:

“Oh yes that clap took me back to the teen years. She knows. And she knows that you know. And frankly she’s disappointed that you thought this would work. But here’s a clap.”

And a clap back!

Sometimes heroes come in unexpected packages … like 10-year-old Cub Scout, Liam Holmes who made waves in his home town of Durham, North Carolina by taking a knee during the pledge of allegiance at a city council meeting:

“What I did was took a knee against racial discrimination, which is basically when people are mean to other people of different colors.”

And while some were angry that the boy taking a stand by taking a knee, both his father, Scott, and Durham Mayor, Steve Schewel, praised the boy:

“To the scout that expressed his conscience by kneeling, we will say we endorse and appreciate all expressions of conscience in Durham City Council.”

Liam isn’t concerned about those who disagree with his stance, and says he plans to kneel again in the future.

Funny, when the kids get it and the adults don’t, eh?

Ooh, I’m getting hot up in here … Gus Kenworthy is joining the cast of Season 9 of American Horror Story. AHS creator Ryan Murphy:

“That special moment when you realize you have an Olympic medal AND he will be playing Emma Roberts’ boyfriend on “American Horror Story” Season 9.”

Kenworthy responded on his own account:

“I guess the cat’s out of the bag … I’m  So  F**king  Shook  ILYSM [I love you so much] @mrrpmurphy ”

Gus will be a hot addition to the cast and, well, he does like to take his clothes off.

Melanie invited a little boy who shares her same last name to the Propaganda Speech the other night because the child is bullied over his name. But little Joshua Trump was unimpressed, as he fell asleep about halfway through the tossed salad of a speech.

Funny, though, that Melanie brings a bullied boy to a speech given by the biggest bully in the world.

PS Melanie doesn’t look happy …or the Botox is still that fresh.

In addition, this year marks the centenary anniversary of Congress submitting the 19th amendment—giving women the right to vote—for ratification by the states. Now, the 19th didn’t get added to the Constitution until 1920, so next year will be the big year, but … a great many Democratic women wore white to the Propaganda Speech.

Sadly, because the only white they wear is probably hoods and sheets, Melanie and Ivanka both wore black.

Note, however, that Tiffany wore white, which is why Daddy rarely speaks of her.

Maroon 5’s Adam Levine—or as I call it Moron 5—went shirtless at the Super Bowl yesterday in a thirsty attempt to use his nipples to get some attention for what was called the worst half-time show ever, viewers were quick to draw comparisons to Janet’s single nipple and the brouhaha that ensued.

Michael Powell, the Chair of the Federal Communications Commission [FCC], was called before the Senate to discuss the nipple; NFL Vice President Joe Browne said that his organization was “extremely disappointed” in the nipple; then-First Lady Laura Bush said children shouldn’t be subjected to seeing the nipple; CBS was fined $550,000 by the FCC, although a court later overturned that fine; and Janet apologized for the nipple … though Justin Timberlake did not.

Different rules for men, apparently.

PS The Chipotle bag wore it better.

The Sheridan School, a K-8 in Northwest  Washington, DC, recently sent a letter home to parents saying that its students will no longer be playing sports at Immanuel Christian, the school where second lady Karen “Mother” Pence teaches because of its anti-LGBTQ policies because some of its students felt unsafe visiting the other school:

“As  we talked more, we understood that some students did not feel safe entering a school that bans LGBTQ parents, students or even families that support LGBTQ rights. Forcing our children to choose between an environment in which they feel unsafe or staying home was not an option. So we decided that we would invite ICS to play all of the games at Sheridan. Since ICS declined our offer to host, we will only play our home games and will not go to ICS to play.”

Loverly!

And finally … steaming hot 23-year-old French model and fitness trainer Killian Belliard.

Killian studied Law but never really practiced, choosing instead to take off his shirt, among other articles of clothing, asleep with men, shop in the nude, and treat us to his body.

“Merci beaucoup, homme chaud. Puis-je vous emmener au lit et faire l'amour avec vous. Mes lombes sont en feu.”

Just sayin’ … er, Juste en disant.

Bobservations

By the time you read this, Carlos and I might have decided to go our separate because of his insistence on ….

Wanting.A.Cowboy.Shirt.

Seriously. I can’t with this. I’m already thinking of ways to keep him from leaving the house dressed like a gay Gabby Hayes.

Former NYC Mayor Rudy Giuliani and his wife of 15 years, Judith, are divorcing; Judith filed for a contested divorce which means there will be a fight over the coins.

Giuliani fell for Judith back in 1999 while he was mayor and still married to his second wife, Donna Hanover. The Hanover-Giuliani divorce was a vicious hot mess, hut, to be clear, Donna Hanover had met and begun an affair with Giuliani while he was still married to his first wife, so his cheating couldn’t have been a surprise. Still, you might remember that Giuliani announced his plan to divorce second wife Donna Hanover at a televised press conference held before she had been told herself.

The best part is that Rudy Giuliani had come out strongly against marriage equality when then-Governor David Paterson proposed a same-sex marriage bill.

The second-best part is that Giuliani got an annulment from his first wife—so he could marry his mistress Hanover—claiming he and the first ex-missus Giuliani were cousins,

One man and his cousin, and then his mistress, and then his other mistress and then … ?

Justin Jones, a Libertarian running for an Arkansas House seat, thinks “fags are disgusting.” 

And he clearly is a moron because he expressed that opinion on the Facebook post of Hawaii resident Myah Baeza who was offering sympathy for a gay friend who couldn’t donate blood because of discriminatory laws. And when Baeza saw his response and called him out for his bigotry and homophobia, Justin ‘Dumbass’ Jones replied:

“If you don’t think HIV is created by homosexuality then you need education. That’s the entirety of my post, for someone who wants free speech, you don’t act like it. I shouldn’t have said ‘f–s’ should have said homosexuals. But I won’t apologize of the moral of my comment, homosexuality is wrong, and shouldn’t be publicly endorsed.”

Naturally when his local station in BumFuckEgypt, Arkansas found the story and reported on it, Justin ‘Dumbass’ Jones walked back his ignorance, a little:

“I recently made a comment that was meant to be satire, but had FACTUAL meaning. In the new day of Social Media, we face backlash for every comment we make, which is putting ‘Free Speech’ at a price. The Aids Epidemic is a VERY big part of the LGBTQ Community. To not recognize that would be a ‘Lie’ to yourself and the LGBTQ Community. In this New Day of politics, we are recognizing the benefits of throwing away the old establishment, and how that didn’t work. Today, we are bringing back ‘FREEDOM OF SPEECH,’ and protecting our 2nd amendment rights. That might be too much for some people, but that’s why we’re getting them out of Public Office.”

Meant to be satire? Oh, honey, you don’t know satire. And you also don’t know that HIV/AIDS is on the rise among straight folks, too, especially those in the black community and those in rural areas …. Like Arkansas.

Hope you don’t get elected, you moronic tool.

I just can’t …the other day GMA told the story of the boy who fell into a sewage pipe over the weekend at Griffith Park and was finally rescued after some twelve hours in the ground.

Nothing to see there, except the “News” people called it an Easter miracle.

Really; so, if he’d been rescued on Tuesday it wouldn’t have been a miracle. 

Give me the news and keep your religious leanings out of the story. That would be the real miracle.

Columbus, Indiana, the hometown of Closeted Homosexual, and Current Vice President, Mike Pence is set to hold its first ever gay pride celebration, in a move intended to show the rest of the country that not everyone from Columbus is an anti-gay closeted homosexual.

Poor Mike Pence, The Gays are marching in his own hometown and he can’t be there?

While those on the right seem content with bashing the younger generation because they’ve become politically and socially active and vocal, it appears that the right just might need to tone it down.

See, most younger Americans oppose _____’s agenda and even believe the Fat Bastard to be “racist,” “dishonest,” and “unfit” to be president.

The midterms are coming up and those eighteen-year-olds will be voting. And I’m loving it.

I gave my opinion of the Roseanne reboot yesterday but forgot to mention two of the unfunniest things I’ve ever seen on a TV comedy:

1] Roseanne’s granddaughter calling her a “stupid old hillbilly.”

That’s funny stuff, but then …

B] Roseanne grabs her granddaughter, shoves her face into the sink and sprays her with water.

Funny. Not.

Ryan Murphy has cast legendary star Joan Collins in American Horror Story, and said he is interested in casting Angelica Huston.

Little is known about the upcoming eighth season—Ryan has not yet revealed the theme—but three of the series’ favorite cast members, Kathy Bates, Sarah Paulson and Evan Peters, will be back.

But, um, Joan Collins? I mean, she was allegedly such a terror back in the day on her last TV show, could this be American Horror Story: Dynasty?

Speaking of _____, his 2020 campaign manager, Brad Parscale, is calling for Jim Acosta to be stripped of his press credentials after the CNN correspondent questioned the Fat Bastard during the White House Easter Egg Roll on Monday.

Parscale seems to think Acosta … wait for it … it’s precious … “yelled at _____” during the event and so Acosta should be suspended for breaking protocol.”

This is what happened:

Acosta: “Should the DACA kids worry?”

The Fat Bastard: “The Democrats have really let them down. They really let them down. It’s a shame. A lot of people have taken advantage of DACA. It’s a shame.”

Acosta: “[But} didn’t you kill DACA?”

The Fat Bastard didn’t respond, because he, in fact, did kill DACA and that’s why Parscale wants him banned.

Seriously. He “yelled” at _____!

A new show appeared this week on ABC and is being pushed as a kind of a new Lost. Now, having loved Lost—don’t judge—I was interested, especially when I noted that Grant Harvey and Ryan McDonnell were on the show.

I could get lost with them.

Just sayin’.

Random Musings

The first season of FX’s Feud: Bette & Joan hasn’t even started yet—it’s this Sunday, March 5, set your DVRs—but that hasn’t stopped FX from ordering a second season from creator Ryan Murphy.

And season two’s feud? Feud: Charles & Diana! No word on whether this will be the whole marriage, or just the final few years.

But still, since they can’t do Feud: Hillary & Donald, this is the next best thing.

San Francisco has never been a city to shy away from saying what it feels and, well, now this ...

Beginning on February 23rd, and continuing on, San Francisco City Hall will light up with the colors of the transgender flag—pink, white, and light blue—in response to _____’s roll back of protections for transgender students.

I think it looks gorgeous.

So, I was watching GMA this week and they were set to announce the latest contestants on Dancing With The ‘Hey, Didn’t You Used To Be Somebody?’ Stars. And amazingly enough one person who was ALLEGED to have been asked said, “Oh hell no.”

Hillary Clinton. Seriously. They asked Hillary Clinton to appear on their bumbling show.

I mean, who did they think she was: Rick Perry?

In Good LGBT News ... Arizona Wildcats recruit My-King Johnson will become the first openly gay football scholarship player in the NCAA.

King had verbally committed to UCLA before flipping to Arizona possibly, and I don’t know if this is for sure, but possibly because, when he told UA assistant coach Vince Amey about his orientation, Amey said:

“We want you to be a Wildcat.”

And that was what Johnson wanted to hear, and now he’s become a trailblazer of sorts:

“I do feel like when I say that, it can put a target on my back, but whatever.”

Exactly.

Good luck My-King ... ooh, that sounds kinda odd!

So Bates Motel is back for its final season and Mother is dead and Norman’s lost his mind and bodies are piling up at the motel.

And Rihanna is set to play the Janet Leigh role—stabbed in the shower, you know—as the season, and series ends but ...

First we have Austin Nichols, as the husband of a woman, a live woman, that Norman thinks looks suspiciously like Mother.

And Austin might not be such a good guy, but he is deliciously, evilly hot ... Carry on.

Damn it. A week or so ago American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy was on Watch What Happens Live and suggested that the next season of the fright-fest might be the scariest ever because it was going to be based on the election last fall of _____.

Talk about horror! But now Murphy is saying he might have been a wee bit drunk when he said that and walked that idea back:

“The themes of ‘American Horror Story’ have always been allegories. You will not see [Donald] Trump and [Hillary] Clinton as characters on the show.”

He did mention, though, that AHS favorite, Sarah Paulson, would make a perfect Minister of Propaganda and AlternativeFactoid.

While I might have enjoyed a horror version of that horrible election, the idea of reliving that mess for a few months might have been too much even for me.

I love this story ... did you know that when you donate to Planned Parenthood you receive a Thank You letter? And if you donate in someone else’s name they receive a Thank You note? That happened last year when thousand s of folks donated to the cause in the name of Mike Pence and he received thousands of Thank You’s.

And now folks have been donating to Planned Parenthood in the name of Greg Locke, the pastor of something called Global Vision Bible Church and poor Greg has gone off on Facebook ...

‘SINCE PLANNED PARENTHOOD IS TAKING HUNDREDS OF DONATIONS IN MY NAME, I’LL REPOST THIS VIDEO. THIS IS ONE FIGHT I WILL NOT BACK DOWN FROM.”

Easy on the all-caps, Cowboy! Who do you think you are, the president?

Locke is anti-gay, anti-women’s right, anti-choice, anti-transgender, and even went last year posting videos denouncing Target’s gender-neutral bathroom policy.

Locke is also known as a “pervert hunter” though he might not be so good at that because just three years ago he hired a youth pastor who was later arrested on multiple counts of raping a thirteen-year-old girl.

So, if you wish to donate to PP, do it in Greg Locke’s name. Thank you.

So that picture ... of Kellyanne Conway, propped up on the couch in the Oval office looking like a stuffed, dumbassed lapdog, after taking a picture of Hair Furor with representatives from Historically Black Colleges and Universities.

What a display of disrespect from the C U Next Tuesday except .... Kellyanne is the victim, y’all:

“I was very busy today and didn’t follow a lot of [the controversy] but I know there are a couple of reports at least showing what happened. And what happened is we had the largest gathering of men and women to date in the Oval Office for a picture. I was being asked to take a picture in a crowded room with the press behind us. I was asked to take a certain angle and was doing exactly that. I certainly meant no disrespect, I didn’t mean to have my feet on the couch. It is venomous, it is vicious, it bothers my children to be frank with you. I have 24/7 Secret Service protection because people do wish us harm and people should take that very seriously. I’m not a victim at all but people should take very seriously the import of their words when I meant no disrespect. This came from a journalist that is not happy that Donald Trump is the President. But I just want people to focus on the great work of the HBCU presidents and how honored we were to have them here.”

Um, Kellyanne, you remarkably dip-shitted tool? No one questions the angle at which you took the picture, but we are wondering why you propped your foul ass on the couch like one of the Queen’s prized Corgi’s and then, after the photo, played tag the picture on Facebook while still sitting on the couch like a dog.

Show some respect in the last days you have in this job. You are an embarrassment. You knew you were being photographed because you said you were in front of a slew of photographers. Seriously, bitch, and I mean that in the most disrespectful way possible, is there one topic about which you will not lie?

That’s a rhetorical question.

Now get off the couch and get back in your kennel.