I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week Katharine McPhee gave birth to her five-times married, twice her age husband, David Foster’s, child, and now she’s out again to tell y’all that, while she loves her serial divorcing husband, she was initially worried about how the public would view their age gap:

“We all have the ability to label things and to look at something for the way that it looks or face value and make a judgment. So I totally get the judgment initially, but things are never as they appear, things are never exactly as they appear and I’m in love with our love story and that’s all that matters … The perception of what people try to create, especially with women, it’s always the woman’s fault. It’s the woman who wants to be with the older man because he has money and he’s had success and she wants this, that, I mean, our story’s been the complete opposite.”

Wait. Is she suggesting that she has the success and the money and that’s why Foster married her?

Stop it, Katherine, marry whomever you want, and have their child. But just know that it looks odd with your five-times married double your age hubby, and know that when you’re seventy-something and decide to marry a thirty-year-old man, it’ll look just as odd.

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Also last week, Alec Baldwin, actor, blowhard, husband to a woman who fakes her ethnicity, quit Twitter, for the third time, after being Twit-shamed  for tweeting about Gillian Anderson’s British and American accents.

He wrote, “Switching accents? That sounds…fascinating,” obviously thinking it makes what his wife has done her whole life sound reasonable. Alec announced his Twitter departure in a 10-minute-long Instagram video rant, being sure to mention he was a big Gillian fan, and his tweet was actually very high-brow “irony” that went over the heads of the entire world.

Well, now Gillian is speaking, and addressing the kerfuffle over accepting her Golden Globe for The Crown with an American accent:

“I don’t have social media on my phone so I wasn’t [aware]. A couple people texted to say that something was going on. I didn’t pay any attention to it because it’s just something that I live. I grew up between two countries and so depending on who is in my ear is which direction my accent goes, so I’m so used to it that it’s kind of old news for me.”

Gillian was asked if Baldwin reached out to her:

“I haven’t heard from him. It doesn’t matter. It’s so not a newsworthy item, but I’m sad that it’s caused him so much distress.”

The shade! Though the distress was that Gillian, who has lived in both England and America all her life shouldn’t be taken to task like Baldwin’s wife, who claimed she was Spanish, born and raised, changed her name, albeit not legally, and pretends not to know how to say cucumber in English. Baldwin’s distress is that his wife was outed as a liar.

I love Gillian’s dig that she isn’t bothered by Alec’s rant because she doesn’t live in the social media world.

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So, Piers Morgan, once thought to be England’s Larry King, walked off his chat show gig in the wake of the Harry and Meghan interview and his assertion that Meghan Markle is just a plain liar and, well, he knows that for a fact.

And he wants y’all to know he didn’t dash off your tellys the  Ofcom, the British equivalent to the FCC, has launched an investigation “after more than 41,000 people wrote in to complain” about Piers’ comments about Meghan’s mental health struggles.

No he did it because Meghan lies … like the time she met Piers for drinks and chats, and then, after their date, she took off in a cab for a party where she met a Hot Ginger Prince, fell in love and married him and never called Piers Morgan back, even though his was sitting bedside in his nighty waiting for that call.

Sad little man. Meghan didn’t like him so he’s taken every single chance he can to not only bash her but make light of her disclosure about depression and suicide.

Pig, that Piers.

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Prince William broke his silence this week regarding Harry and Meghan’s interview with Oprah, specifically the part about being asked what color their son might be. And while Bill admitted that he hadn’t spoken to Harry—though he says he will—he was firm when asked about the most damaging claims made in the interview that the family’s treatment of them was racially motivated:

“We’re very much not a racist family.”

First off, Bill, neither one of them said the “family” was racist, they said they were questions asked of them regarding the as yet-to-be born Archie’s skin color; there was also the notion that Archie, the son of a Prince would not be given a royal title, and as such, would have no royal protection.

Really? Even Fergie and Andrew’s offspring were given titles, but not the baby of a Prince and his biracial wife? Sounds like, while it may not be the whole family, someone in the family is an ignorant ass.

I think it’s Chuck, even though Betty Windsor, in her brief statement on the interview, said the “issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning,” but politely said that “recollections may vary.”

Which is kinda what racists say when they get busted being racist.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Prince William, on how he would feel if one of his three children came out as gay:

“Do you know what, I’ve been giving that some thought recently because a couple of other parents said that to me as well. I think, you really don’t start thinking about that until you are a parent, and I think—obviously absolutely fine by me. The one thing I’d be worried about is how they, particularly the roles my children fill, is how that is going to be interpreted and seen. So Catherine and I have been doing a lot of talking about it to make sure they were prepared. I think communication is so important with everything, in order to help understand it you’ve got to talk a lot about stuff and make sure how to support each other and how to go through the process. It worries me not because of them being gay, it worries me as to how everyone else will react and perceive it and then the pressure is then on them.”

I mean, we all know that if any, of William and Kate’s children were gay, they wouldn’t be the first, though they might be the first British royals to live out.

And that could be good, and I think their grandmother might have loved that.

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Bitch Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader, promising he would give a new Democratic president’s nominee to the Supreme Court a hearing and vote in 2021:

“A lot of it depends on the timing of the vacancy. Obviously if you have a vacancy in the first year of a term of a president, you’re not going to fail to fill that vacancy for a very lengthy period of time, no matter what the political composition is.”

I guess it’s clear then that he ignored Obama’s pick because it was a black man’s choice.

Oh, and if the Democrats flip the house, Bitch will be out on his flabby white ass.

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Greg Gutfeld, Fox News’ The Five host, on with transgender kids:

“There are young children, when they express gender confusion, the push among these same activists is to transition these confused children at a young age to the hetero sex, meaning if you have a young boy with feminine qualities you need to transition that person into a female so that person would then become straight. What you are effectively doing is you are eliminating gays because experts will tell you a young boy with feminine traits might just grow up to be a healthy gay man who lives a long life. Instead you are going to push him in a direction that requires decades of drugs, decades of therapy and possibly surgery and higher rates of depression and suicide.”

First off, you twat, not all feminine boys are transgender; nor are all tom boy girls destined to transition to male. You think gender is between your legs. But it’s not, asshat. And if you think helping someone transition to their true selves is a bad thing, think about living your entire life not feeling like yourself.

Imagine, Greg, if you had to live your life knowing that you were born a bigoted moron, but because of societal pressures, you were forced to live as a decent, accepting, understanding  human being. You’d surely turn to depressing thoughts, asshat.

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Jake Gyllenhaal, My Husband In My head, on playing Jack Twist in Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain:

“I think we had been cast for our ‘essences’ without really understanding what our ‘essences’ were—and that’s outside of our sexuality—we’re two straight guys cast in these roles, but who we are, who we were, Ang could see. And I don’t know if I could. So when the movie had the response that it had …. I don’t think we recognized what Ang had seen in us so we were blind at the profundity and the echo the movie made … and I don’t think we ever had any idea it would have the impact that it had. To make a movie that even just works is a miracle [but] when it resonates even beyond that, it’s impossible. And it has nothing to do with you in the end. Just being in Brokeback Mountain, that’s the feeling I have. I feel that deeply about it. It had nothing to do with me. It came to me, I was honored to be a part of it, and it is now everyone else’s in a way that I can’t even fathom.”

One of my favorite films with one of the saddest, most heartbreaking endings ever. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that last few minutes.

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It's Snarkurday .... But First, A Favor

If y’all just take a minute and send some positive thoughts to my brother, David, and his wife, Debbie, in California. They have lost their house and everything in it to the Paradise fire.

They are both okay, as are their pets, but now it’s a matter of rebuilding …

Send good thoughts their way … thanks.

We all know Alec Baldwin has a short fuse and that one day he’d be arrested for his temper, but who knew it would involve a parking space?

Yup, Alec Baldwin ALLEGEDLY punched someone while fighting over a New York City parking spot. Now, to be fair, parking your car in a Manhattan garage can cost a literal arm and a leg, but surely Baldwin has those kinds of coins, so why is he dueling it out for a sweet street spot?

Well, it’s because he claims he had a friend hold the spot for him—was he lying down in it—until some man managed to slip in without running over the Baldwin friend. And that’s when Alec went all … Alec … screaming “Fuck off!” and becoming more and more enraged until he punched the unnamed guy in the jaw.

This isn’t the first time Alec has been arrested, but it’s more fun than the previous time when he was collared for riding a bicycle on the wrong side of the road and not having his ID on him.

Now he’s punching out strangers because they pulled a swift one on his Parking Dog.

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Lindsay Lohan apparently still thinks she’s a big star … because one of her representatives—and that may be just the guy on the nearest bar stool—went begging for deals on a Facebook group for publicists and marketers asking that interested parties should “reach out if you rep a brand that is interested in endorsement opportunities with Lindsay.”

The rep then suggested that “acceptable brands include: fashion, beauty, car, lifestyle, CPG, fitness/lifestyle, food/drinks, entertainment/media, tech. Must have a substantial budget.”

He got three responses.

I get more than that for a picture of Tuxedo on my Timeline.

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Kim Kardastrophe, who once famously claimed, on social media, that she would dial back her social media activity, is now using … wait for it … social media, to explain why she’s an idiot.

Kim, and her BFF … not her husband … Jonathan Cheban, went to Kendall’s Halloween party dressed as Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee at the 1999 MTV VMAs because …? There is no answer.

And naturally Kardastrophe spent most of the evening filming herself and then posting it to Instagram asking people to guess her costume. And it turned out most people couldn’t figure it out … remember, she went as a has-been actress from 1999 … when most of her “fans” were still in utero, she got a little testy.

So, testy in fact, that she said, of one of the people who doesn’t know, or give a flying eff, about Pamela Anderson, “retarded.”

Yes. She did. And quicker than you can say Gimme more hits on social media she was back on social media apologizing for using the ‘R’ word:

“I want to apologize for what I said in a recent video post that is inappropriate and insensitive to the special needs community. I try to learn from my mistakes and this is one of those times. Please know that my intention is always pure, and in this case, it was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

You’d think being married to a lunatic would make her be more careful when choosing her words, but, you know, she’s an idiot.

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I do love some Emma Thompson …

She was recently appointed a Dame and Prince William awarded her the honor, with Thompson posting to social media:

“I love Prince William. I’ve known him since he was little, and we just sniggered at each other. I said, ‘I can’t kiss you, can I?’ And he said, ‘No, don’t!’”

I guess we’re all lucky it wasn’t Harry who proclaimed her a Dame; who knows what she might have asked to do with Hot Prince Ginger.

I have some ideas … but only for when Harry makes me a Dame!

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Back to the Kardastrophe that is Kim.

Remember when she became famous for doing a porn film with her then-boyfriend Ray J?
Well, now her co-star in that epic film is ALLEGEDLY talking, and not talking, about their sexy times together.

Ray J claims Kimmy would stop, mid-f**k, to reapply her make-up or to take a phone call from That Woman … who was probably directing the sex from a closed-circuit TV somewhere.

Naturally, retired porn star Kim Kardastrophe took to Twitter to call Ray J a pathological liar.

Bitch, look in a mirror. But maybe Ray J got a’scurred of That Woman’s evil powers because now he’s walking back his original story with a much longer, more boring version:

“I felt like I needed to come online and shut down all of these false rumors that are going on about me and what I said about somebody I’ve been with in the past… Let me make this one thing clear: I’m in a great place in my life. I’m happy. I love my wife. I’ve got a beautiful new baby girl, her name is Melody Love Norwood and I’ve been trying to be the best parent I can be. I would never say these things after watching my wife go through labor for 28 hours, okay? This is disgusting. The person I am now is not who I was in the past. And I need y’all to give me a chance to grow and to love and to respect the people I’m with without trying to slander my name, please. God is working, and obviously the devil is trying to work, too, but it will not happen. I will not let that happen, y’all… I love my wife and I have nothing but respect for everybody out there, past and present. False rumors.”

That’s a whole lotta nothing, and, you know, who doesn’t believe Kim would postpone the sex to fix her face, even her old one, or call her mama, or post a selfie?

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Sometimes, no matter how good you think you look, you shouldn’t be brag about your beauty costs.

Real Housewife of New Jersey, and ex-con, Teresa Giudice announced that she spends $22,077 a month on her beauty routine.

That’s a lot of pancake to spatula on and spray tanning via firehose. And when you consider all the money she is going to have to fork over for an immigration attorney in the coming months to keep her husband Joe from being deported after he gets out of the Big House, maybe Giudice ought to stick with budget Maybelline and Dollar Store Botox.

Amirite?

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Last spring, Judith Nathan Giuliani filed for divorce from Rudy Giuliani, claiming he was both a liar and a cheat …and not to mention a literal member of the rat family. But now Judy is adding more to her list of complaints about Rudy; she says he’s overspending their money and that he’s a fool.

That last one is a given.

Recent court documents accuse Rudy of spending $900,000 since their divorce filing, with a buttload going for his new mistress, cigars and … pens.

Pens? Pens. Yes, Rudy spent about $12,000 on cigars since he asked his wife to divorce him so he could marry his next mistress, and also bought $7,100 worth of pens. He’s also accused of spending $286,532 on his ALLEGED mistress, the still very married, Maria Rosa Ryan and $447,938 “for his own enjoyment”—wouldn’t that also be Maria?—as well as $165,165 “for travel expenses”.

And best of all, while Rudy is buying someone else’s wife and cigars and Bics, he is also claiming he cannot pay the third future ex-Mrs. Giuliani any support because he is “dealing with a diminished income” since he quit his law practice to go work for Donald Trump “for free”.

Free. That’s rich. The only thing Giuliani does for free is his mistresses ... until he leaves his wife, and then he starts paying.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

The Hatfield’s and the McCoy’s ain't got nuthin' on Stewart and Paltrow.

Yup, the Rich White Lady feud goes on. As y'all remember, back in October, Martha Stewart published a Thanksgiving pie recipe in her Martha Stewart Living magazine called Conscious Coupling. 

Well, Gwyneth has yanked her hoops out her ears and fired back by posting a recipe called Jailbird Cake to GOOP.

Next up, Martha's Jennifer-Lawrence-Is-A-Tart-Who’s-Banging-Your-Ex-Husband, followed soon by Paltrow's Orange Is The New Black Forest Cake.

Rich bitch feuds are funny.

So, Kyle Chrisley — son of reality TV matriarch patriarch Todd Chrisley — has told Life & Style that Daddy is definitely gay:

“All the people he calls his best friends in the world…they’re gay. I used to work with him at Chrisley Asset Management. If one of the asset managers was going to take a piss, he would say, ‘You want me to come hold it for you?’”

The gay rumors are nothing new since a handful of former employees ALLEGE that Daddy Chrisley used to regularly comment on the size of their junk, and would invite make employees to, ahem, "jerk off’ with him in the restroom;" Daddy has also been accused of inappropriately touching employees, and making sexual gestures toward subordinates.

Asked to comment on his son's latest allegations, Todd instead let a rep speak for him:

"[Todd] is not concentrating on the words that Kyle is saying, but rather on getting him the necessary psychiatrist and medical care he so desperately needs.” 

Snap. Sonny says daddy’s a 'mo, and daddy says sonny is crazy. Lovely family, no?

No.

Onto Lohan ... Since things seem to be going so well for Lindsay in London — she's actually showing up to performances of Speed-The-Plow and not being completely terrible — rumor has it that she's ready to ply her trade — not that trade — in Hollywood again.

A source close to Lohan — set down the Chardonnay and take a bow, Dina — says that when Speed-The-Plow wraps next week, Lohan will be heading back to the big screen in a trio of star turns:

“Lindsay is doing better than she has in years! Lindsay is determined to be a movie star again. Lindsay plans to return home to her family in New York for a bit and is then heading to L.A. because she has three big movies that she is getting ready to star in.”

Well, according to IMDB, those "star turns" are in films like a thriller called Soul Carriers, a zombie movie called Six Gun Dead, and a sci-fi movie called Life Travelers, with Lindsay being the most famous name in all of them. And her co-stars are listed as "Starbucks barista" and "GAP shirt-folder."

Yeas, she's making a comeback—

Comeback?!!? I hate that word: It's a return!

Who’s the bigger queen, Elizabeth, or William and Kate?

With Duchess Kate and Prince William coming to the US in a couple of weeks, the British Monarchy has sent out a dress code for any American reporter who wants to talk to their royal highnesses. So, if you even think about asking Kate a question while wearing a GAP t-shirt, or some kind of Sears schmata, think again because you will not be allowed anywhere near royalty.

Here’s what you need to know — direct from the Palace:

Journalists wishing to cover Royal engagements, whether in the United Kingdom or abroad, should comply with the dress code on formal occasions out of respect for the guests of The Queen, or any other member of the Royal Family. Smart attire for men includes the wearing of a jacket and tie, and for women a trouser or skirt suit. Those wearing jeans or trainers will not be admitted and casually dressed members of the media will be turned away. This also applies to technicians.

Turned away is Brit-speak for hauled off to the Tower of London where you will be beheaded.

Leave those Reeboks at home, y’all, it ain’t worth dying over.

So, when last we left Halle Berry, she was trying to have her child support payments to ex-baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, cut from 16K a month to just 3K because she says Gabriel’s living off her dough. But, the judge in the case told Halle to take a seat and rethink both her lawsuit and her recent career choices — Extant, anyone — but Halle ain’t playing.

Now, she’s filed another suit because she says Gabriel is … wait for it … it borders on child abuse … straightening and lightening their daughter Nahla’s hair.

Oh.The.Humanity. In the court papers — and, seriously, to Halle Berry this is a lawsuit — Halle claims that Gabriel has denied dyeing Nahla’s hair, so Halle cut a piece out and sent it to a lab for testing. Halle says she noticed a difference in her daughter’s hair when Nahla returned from a visit to Gabriel in August 2013, saying: 

"Gabriel continues to maintain that he has done and is doing nothing to cause the extensive straightening, color changes, stripping and damaging of our daughter’s hair. [But] I have personally observed the changes in Nahla’s hair texture and color over the last year. I have never personally experienced hair damage nor have I ever known a single person whose hair has suffered such excessive changes from spending time in a salt water pool (or even chlorinated water) and sunlight."

Then Halle offered up ‘before and after’ photos of Nahla to the court and said:

"I have since reviewed the laboratory report concerning this very hair sample that I obtained, which confirms to me that Gabriel has not been truthful about what he has done and had been doing to our daughter’s hair. I continue to worry about the potential psychological and physical damage to Nahla that can be caused by the use of chemical hair treatments and the psychological message that it conveys to Nahla, and to implore the court to put a stop to Gabriel’s attempts to alter our daughter’s appearance and most probably cause her to wonder why her natural appearance is not good enough."

Apparently Halle’s lawyer actually claimed that Gabriel is trying to make Nahla look white — okay, that’s what TMZ says, though Halle’s own words seem to suggest it, too — and a judge actually ordered Gabriel to stop changing Nahla’s hair. But, he’s also ordered Halle to stop futzing with their daughter’s appearance, too.

Seriously? Maybe Nahla asked her Daddy to fix her hair, and maybe she didn’t. Did anyone ask her? Or did they just file a lawsuit? A hair injunction? I think Halle needs to get a hobby, and by hobby I mean anything that doesn’t involve her suing her daughter’s father every other week.