Random Musings

Caitlyn Jenner wants to be “President” Ted Cruz’s ‘trans ambassador’.

I want Caitlyn Jenner to learn which party supports her and which party seeks to deny her rights as both a woman and a trans woman.

Failing that, sit down.

One day, as I was getting ready to leave for work, I walked into our home office to grab something off the desk.

Miss Consuelo chased me into the room and said: “Meow.”

I speak Fluent Cat and knew that meant, ‘Open a window so I can howl at the birds,’ and so I replied: “I can’t open a window, Miss. I have to leave.”

Consuelo: “Meow.”

Me: “I can’t. I.Have.To.Go.”

Consuelo: “Me.Ow.”

I thought to myself: I’m seriously arguing with a cat? And she’s winning? She won?

Well, a federal appeals court ruled last week that Wide-Stance Larry Craig, former Senator, who was arrested in an airport bathroom back in 2007 for soliciting sex from an undercover officer, improperly used campaign funds to pay for his legal defense.

Now Craig must reimburse the government $197,535 and pay a civil penalty of $45,000 for violating federal election laws.

In 2007, Craig quietly pleaded guilty to disturbing the peace with his Wide-Stance-Foot-Tap-Bathroom-Hijinks but said his actions were misconstrued and he was not gay. He paid a fine, and then began a prolonged, unsuccessful legal fight to reverse his plea using money from campaign accounts.

And now he owes the money back. Perhaps he should start trolling bathrooms and charging for his, um, hijinks?

RuPaul’s Drag Race returned this week with some fabulous queens … and a couple who are quite hot outta their drag:

Bob The Drag Queen, [left] who told Ru his drag name is in honor of his father. Ru said, “Your dad’s name is Bob?” and Bob said, “No, it’s ‘The Drag Queen,’ Bob stands for Big Ole Bottom!”

And then we have Derrick Barry [right], another drag queen with a boy name, known for his Britney Spears impressions and performing in Vegas. He looks more like Britney than Britney, but outta drag, he’s also cute.

Here are a few phrases you will more than likely never hear me say ... and I will come up with some more:

"Yeah, I'm a gamer."

“Did you get my text?”

"I'm a Republican." 

I’m old school.

Florida’s Sun Sentinel newspaper’s Editorial Board has come out with their endorsement of a GOP candidate for president and it’s a doozy:

None Of The Above.

Yup; the will not endorse Donald Trump because they think he’ll compromise and work with Democrats, and not because he’s a bigoted homophobic misogynistic windbag.

Marco Rubio doesn’t get the nod because he has zero experience having “done little but run for office. Then, when he gets in office, he doesn't go to work very much.”

Ted Cruz isn’t a favorite son because he will “make his decisions based on the Bible.” He is anti-establishment and anti-Washington, which is good because most folks in DC hate him.

And lastly, John Kasich, whom the Sun-Sentinel would endorse because he’s a solid conservative, but will not because he hasn’t got a chance of winning … though he might have stood a better chance if anyone endorsed him.

So they’ll stick with the GOP’s best hope: None Of The Above.

Recently actor Michael B. Jordan and director — Creed and Fruitvale Station — Ryan Coogler did a photo shoot for Vanity Fair and that picture up there is stirring up all sorts of talk on social media about the two men being gay and lovers.

Who cares if they are, or if they aren’t? Are we so homophobic that the mere idea of a man touching another man equals gay and lovers?

Michael B. Jordan put his hand on Ryan Coogler’s head. That’s it. In any other country besides Anerica no one would think twice about it.

Get over it, people.

Random Musings

Overheard at Work:

Me: CJ? Can you pass me that folder?

My Boss: His name is Clinton ...

Me: Funny, when he introduced himself to me he said his name was CJ so I'll call him CJ.

My Boss: Well, his name was Clinton.

Me: Well, If I were to call people by names that others suggest that I call them, you can only imagine what names I'd be hurling at you ... starts with an 'F' and ends with an 'r'.

It's a wonder I'm employed at all.

Remember when Tim Tebow would score a touchdown and drop to his knees and pray to God or thank God, or just settle for a moment, and people began selling the T-shirts.

Well, when Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah intercepted a Tom Brady pass and returned it for a touchdown he did the same thing: he stopped and thanked his God, too.

The difference? Abdullah was penalized 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct.

Oh yeah, he’s Muslim, so maybe that explains why. I guess in football, you can beat your wives and girlfriends, have drug problems, anger issues, but you can’t bow down to thanks your God unless you’re a Christian.

Uh huh.

Bette’s back!

Midler, that is; she is releasing a new album entitled “It’s The Girls!” produced by Mark Shaiman. It is said to be an album of covers, but only from girl groups, from the 1930s through to today.

Think Bette does The Andrews Sisters to The Supremes to En Vogue to Destiny’s Child.

It drops — look at me with the industry-speak — November 4th and should be fa-a-a-a-bulous!

Out there to California, Governor Jerry Brown has signed into law a bill outlawing the "gay panic" defense in court.

Yup, no more The gay guy asked me to dance so I shot him fifty times defense.

It makes California the first state in the nation to enact this kind of law, and it’s about time.

On TV last week we watched the premier of How To Get Away With Murder, starring the beautiful Viola Davis — quite possibly one of the greatest actresses ever — as a law professor and defense attorney.

It’s from Shonda “Scandal” Rimes so it has that same, WTF just happened feel to it.

It also has some nice eye candy, like Alfred Enoch as the naïve, yet quite hot, law student, Billy Brown — a personal hottie favorite of mine — as Viola’s cop boyfriend, and Jack Falahee, as the Is he gay or is he just having gay sex to close the case student.

A trifecta of hot men, with Viola Davis to boot!

Paybacks are a bitch, especially when the payback is $242,000.

This week a federal court yesterday ordered former GOP Senator  Larry Craig — AKA The Airport Bathroom Toe-Tapper — to pay the government back the $242,000 in campaign funds he used to pay lawyers after being busted trying to hook-up with a dude in a Minneapolis airport restroom.

Craig, a complete and utter homophobe, bigot and all-around tool, says he was entitled to use the funds because was traveling on official Senate business.

Official Senate business is looking for a blow job in an airport john? Sorry, Larry, I ain’t buying that any more than I was buying your story about having a wide-stance.

You’re queer, dear.

After the highly successful ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, the organization Check One Two has created the Crotch Grab Challenge hoping to raise awareness about testicular cancer and encourage men to self-examine down below.

One of the first men to cop a feel, so to speak, was Hugh Jackman, who Tweeted out that photo and challenged Neil Patrick Harris, Michael Strahan and Ricky Gervais.

It sounds like a good challenge, but it annoys me because I have been begging to grab Huge Ackman’s crotch for years.

PS He's really packing!

What the hell is wrong with the Secret Service these days? An intruder hops the fence at the White House and they’re too busy placing a Starbucks order to notice? He races across the lawn and they’re taking selfies? He enters the White House — enters.the.White.House — and they’re challenging one another to the Crotch Grab?

Or, howsabout the time they let an armed man onto an elevator with the President?

It’s ridiculous, unacceptable, and all kinds of wrong, and now Julia Pierson, the boss of the Secret Service, has stepped down. Good; here’s hoping they put someone in charge who realizes that they have ONE JOB: protect the President and the First family.

If they can’t do that, get rid of ‘em.

Filed under: I Don’t Know What To Make Of This

In Ohio, a white lesbian is suing a local sperm bank, charging that they mistakenly sent her sperm from an African-American male and not from a white guy.

Now, this women and her partner adore their mixed race baby, but say they are having difficulty raising her in an all-white community. The suit further states that the plaintiff fears the child will not be accepted by her "all white and unconsciously insensitive family."

Hmmm, is it the mixed race baby, or the fact that you’re a lesbian couple that has your neighbors are twisted.

Either way, who gives a f**k?

The Height Of GOP Stupidity, Part Two: Larry "Wide-Stance-Foot-Tapping" Craig

I thought the GOP couldn’t get any dumber after this morning’s tale of South Carolina Senator, Lindsey Lohan, er, Graham’s, advice to layoff off government contractors to force Congress to do their jobs, but the, well, along came this:

Y’all remember former GOP senator, Larry Craig? The guy who was arrested in an airport bathroom for sitting on the john with his feet too far apart and tapping his foot, and then using his fingers to beg an undercover cop for sex? That guy? Who :::foot stomped::: and :::head snapped::: and told us he was not gay and yet he would resign, only then he didn’t resign he just faded away like an old queen?

Well, the Federal Election Commission [FEC] claims Larry The Foot Tapper used some $217,000 in campaign funds to defend himself against the allegations that he is a self-loathing, deeply closeted homosexual who was tricked into politicizing sex in a men’s room, and now the FEC wants the money back. And Craig is trying to stop the lawsuit by claiming that his infamous 2007 bathroom stall sex-sting arrest was, ahem, simply part of his official Senate business. See, Craig would like us to believe that his official business was to offer a report on the best airport bathrooms in which to hook-up anonymously for a little man-on-man action.

The FEC sued Craig saying he converted the campaign money to personal use money and then spent it on his legal defense after he was accused of soliciting sex in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport bathroom, but Craig says, with a straight face—just about the only part of him that is truly straight—that the money tied to his airport bathroom trip was neither for personal use or his campaign, but rather it was part of his official, reimbursable duties as senator because he was traveling between Idaho and the nation's capital for work.

Or sex.

And Larry cites a Senate rule in which reimbursable per diem expenses include all charges for meals, lodging, hotel fans, cleaning, pressing of clothing, and bathroom sex, I guess. His lawyer, Andrew Herman, says, “Not only was the trip itself constitutionally required, but Senate rules sanction reimbursement for any cost relating to a senator's use of a bathroom while on official travel.”

So, then Craig can argue that if he uses a bathroom to engage in anonymous homosexual sex, he should be able to claim it as a reimbursable expense. Sex. Reimbursable. Wow.

But, um, Larry, honey, darling? If you wish to have us believe that you can use your per diem to pay for “bathroom expenses” and you were arrested for trying to have sex with a man in a bathroom, then that whole I’m not gay dance you did was just a big fat lie and you’re just a big old queer who got busted for trying to jerk off a cop.

 The height of stupidity. And no one believes you Larry. You’re queer, dear.

source