Snarky Thoughts

It was just a few years back that Dwayne Johnson, er, The Rock, foot-stomped, head-snapped, and hissed that he would never EVER return to the Fast and Furious franchise and yet he made a cameo at the end of this last epic, and then announced that he’ll star in a standalone movie as his character Luke Hobbs. Johnson also said that he and Vin Diesel have smooched and become BFFs again so that they can preserve and protect all these films that are really just the same film in different spots on the globe.

My Thought: Dwayne’s last movie Black Adam was such a bomb he went crawling back to the last thing he did that made money and pressed his lips to Diesel’s ass and cashed that check.

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Scientology rapist Danny Masterson was found guilty of rape this week. The jury found him guilty on two counts of rape but were deadlocked on the third. Masterson could have faced more than 40 years in prison for all three charges, but the attorneys say it is unclear how much time he will spend bending over for the soap on “just two” counts.

My Thought: Just two counts of rape? I guess that means you get to rape at least twice to get a light sentence but should think again about that third assault?

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If it’s June and you’re as Thirsty as Kate Hudson then it’s that time of year again to bare the tits and ass on Instagram. And so Goldie’s spawn spent Memorial Day Weekend lounging by the pool with her kids—topless—and posted:

“Suns out, buns (and huns) out #summerready.”

My Thought: Somewhere Madonna and Halle Berry are stripping off their bikini tops and bottoms for a pool day photo because The Thirst is real.

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Like his pal Robert DeNiro, eighty-three-year-old Al Pacino is set to become a dad for the fourth time after it was revealed that his 29-year-old girlfriend, Noor Alfallah, is eight months pregnant. If all goes as planned Al will be over 100 years old when the kid graduates from high school.

My Thought: Will they do a Weekend at Bernie’s thing and prop the corpse up in a chair, or just make things easy and roll a coffin down the aisle?

PS Al’s oldest child is four years older than his current Baby Mama.

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Clearly she has a type. Fifty-one-year-old Erika Jayne was spotted on what appeared to be a Las Vegas date with recently arrested seventy-one-year-old lawyer Jim Wilkes II amid her divorce from eighty-three-year-old disgraced former attorney Tom Girardi.

My Thought: She likes ‘em legal, decades older, and in trouble with the law. She really is a Pretty Mess.

PS Wilkes wants y’all to know he and Erika aren’t dating because he still lives with his wife and they aren’t dating so don’t say that!

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Snarky Thoughts

Oh these days there are so many ALLEGATIONS of sexual misconduct by the men in Hollywood, and all of their trials are happening now. Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein, Scientologist Paul Haggis, and current Scientologist Danny Masterson will each have their days in court this fall. Bill Murray dodged a court date by ALLEGEDLY paying his accuser over $100,000.

My Thought: Court TV should really start streaming and they could make a bundle on these Perv Trials.

Spacey  Weinstein  Haggis  Masterson

The thirst continues … over the past couple of years, Madonna has let us know that she self-identifies as a 26-year-old, “sex obsessed“ woman who may or may not be a lesbian. Though she’s never shied away from letting it all hang out in a tub of soapy water recently Madge has become a wee bit shy about her sexuality, On TikTok—because that’s where are the young girls and old girls who act like young girls hang out—Madonna asked her followers to interpret the results of a complex series of events to determine if she was gay.

My Thought: Oh, she came out all right, as Thirsty and Irrelevant and Desperate and a little Sad.

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Kelly Ripa has written a memoir, Live Wire: Long-Winded Short Stories, to make some coins, and in the book she talks of her complicated relationship with her longtime co-worker Regis Philbin. Regis and Kelly hosted Live! with Regis and Kelly together for ten years And she says he teased her to no end, though in later years they had a great relationship. Cut to Kathie Lee Gifford has been crawling out of steerage on a Carnival cruise ship to stomp her foot and telling world that she will not read Kelly’s book.

My Thought: who asked her to read it? Who asks her anything these days?

Kelly  Kathie Lee

Caitlyn Jenner warned us, and now the Great State of California is losing one of its biggest assets with Mark Wahlberg joining the list of one-percenters leaving the state in their private jets for greener pastures; though in Mark’s case, he’s moving a few hundred miles into Nevada to, he says, make a better life for his children. No one knows if he loaded up the contents of his $90 million home into his $2 million fleet of automobiles and moved out of Beverly … Hills, that is, but we do know he moved to income-tax-free Nevada to build a “state-of-the-art studio,” shoe factory and a separate factory for his apparel company.

My Thought: Not for the children, but for the bank account, his true love.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

If you ever attend a party at Tommy Cruise’s house, do not, by any means, push any button. And I don’t just mean the button you push when you walk up to Tommy and say, “Scientology is a cult!” Or “Leah was right!” or “How many fake marriages have you had?”

No, I don’t mean those buttons, I mean an actual button that was pushed by actress Kyra Sedgwick, who was invited to a party at Tom’s house in the early 1990s and ended up having the place surrounded by the police after she touched something in the house. Here’s what she says:

“[T]here was this, like, fireplace mantel and I was looking around and there was this little button underneath the mantel. A little button. I was like, ‘Oh, what is that little button?’ So, I pressed the little button because I just thought maybe something interesting will happen. Nothing happened and then I got a little nervous. I was like, ‘Oh, nothing happened that doesn’t seem right.’ So, I tapped Tom on the shoulder, who was in the middle of a story, and I said, ‘I pressed this button down here.’ And he was like, ‘You pressed that button?’ And I was like, ‘Yeah, I pressed that button.’ And he goes, ‘That’s the panic button.'”

The police were automatically called out to Tommy’s house, and he was forced to explain that it was all a mistake.

It could have been worse … she could have pushed that other button and asked:

“Have you seen your daughter lately?”

I imagine an entire Co$ swat team would have descended on the house and Kyra Sedgwick might never have been seen again.

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It was literally five minutes ago that I told y’all how Chrissy Teigen had shut down her Twitter account because of tall the hate she gets when she says stupid things. Chrissy said it was no longer fun and light and lively and she would have nothing more to do with it.

Tick Tock. Chrissy’s back on Twitter because you cannot keep a social media whore off social media. After a grueling 22 days—how did he do it—of nothing and no one talking about her, Chrissy came back, Tweeting:

“turns out it feels TERRIBLE to silence yourself and also no longer enjoy belly chuckles randomly throughout the day and also lose like 2000 friends at once lol”

Um, Chrissy, they aren’t “friends” they’re followers, because, and I’m guessing here, even you would recognize a friend if you walked by them on the street.

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Scientologist, and actor, Danny Masterson isn’t quite ready to defend himself against charges of rape, and is saying it’s all Leah Remini’s fault.

Masterson’s lawyers filed papers in LA ALLEGING that Remini’s well-documented campaign against Co$ extending to his court case. Masterson claims Remini pushed for the three women in his case—all Jane Does—to make reports to the Los Angeles Police Department. Masterson claims that the LAPD is “starstruck” by Leah Remini and he also ALLEGES she has a close relationship with LAPD detectives, “even using them as her personal security. And, if that isn’t enough, he claims Remini guided the women as they gave statements to prosecutors.

And because of all that he needs more time.

Huh. Notice how he never once says he did not rape those women, but just that Leah Remini doesn’t like him or his church cult.

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If you watch The View at all, you cannot help but wonder if it’s not her co-workers who despise her, it’s her hairdresser.

Meghan serves a different concoction every day, some odd, some strange, and some just downright awful, and now her hair stylist, Carmen Currie, is speaking out to tell us all that she does not hate Meghan McCain:

“I’m not slapping something on her and being like, “Take THAT!” I’m not telling her what to do all the time, it’s not like that at all. I want her to feel comfortable, I want her to feel confident with what I’m doing, and I want her to like it overall, and she does. I think it shows, and that’s part of what people are picking up on … There’s no fun hair and fun makeup; it’s very straightforward and obviously more conservative. Working with Meghan and The View, I get to be more creative and more artistic with the looks.”

Nice try Carmen, but if you don’t hate Meghan, please to explain these lewks:

Uh huh.

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It's Snarkurday!

Bryan Singer is a well-known and respected director of films like The Usual Suspects and four of the X-Men films, but he’s also been the subject of a lot of rumors about how he abuses young men. Now, to be fair, it’s mostly whispers, like when actor Noah Galvin muttered something and then apologized about it last year, but there were a couple of lawsuits: Michael Egan filed sued Singer and two other men, accusing them of sexually abusing him when he was a minor, and a second suit by an unnamed British man claimed something similar, but nothing ever came of either story. Still, the rumors, and in the wake of Weinstein, Spacey, Lauer et al, people wondered when the other shoe would drop on Singer.

And maybe it has, or is about to, because Fox has unexpectedly halted production on Singer’s Queen biopic, Bohemian Rhapsody, due to the “unexpected unavailability” and “a personal health matter” for Singer; meaning no one knows where he is. Singer did not return to set after the Thanksgiving holiday, leaving producers nervous about the production and talking about potentially replacing him. So,is a story about to break? Stay tuned …

UPDATE:  Bryan Singer has been fired from Bohemian Rhapsody according to Twentieth Century Fox, because of a growing clash between Singer and actor Rami Malek—at whom Singer ALLEGEDLY threw something—and actor Tom Hollander, who plays Queen manager Jim Beach, who briefly quit the film due to Singer’s behavior, but was persuaded to return.

Singer has switched his story from a “personal health issue” to saying he is suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder because of the tensions on the set. Now, I call bull shiz on that one since the tension on the set is mostly due to Singer’s behavior. But we’ll need to wait and see if there’s more there…

And there is … Singer is now being sued for the ALLEGED rape of a 17-year-old boy at a party on a yacht in Seattle in 2003. The suit claims it was a party populated by young gay males, including the plaintiff, Cesar Sanchez-Guzman, who says Singer offered to take him on a tour of the yacht. And when they got to a bedroom, Guzman says Singer thrust his body on Guzman, forced him to the floor, shoved Guzman’s face against his crotch and demanded he perform oral sex. Guzman says Singer pulled out his penis, smacked him in the face with it and forced it into his mouth. The suit goes on to ALLEGE that Singer forcibly performed oral sex on Guzman and also forcibly anally penetrated him.

Guzman says Singer told him that he was a producer in Hollywood and could help Cesar get into acting as long as Cesar never said anything about the incident; Singer also ALLEGEDLY said no one would believe him if he ever reported the incident, and that he could hire people who are capable of ruining someone’s reputation.

Singer is denying those claims, saying he is suffering health issues related to the stress he endured caring for an ill parent:

“I wanted nothing more than to be able to finish this project and help honor the legacy of Freddie Mercury and Queen, but Fox would not permit me to do so because I needed to temporarily put my health, and the health of my loved ones, first….Bohemian Rhapsody is a passion project of mine. With fewer than three weeks to shoot remaining, I asked Fox for some time off so I could return to the U.S. to deal with pressing health matters concerning one of my parents. This was a very taxing experience, which ultimately took a serious toll on my own health.  Unfortunately, the studio was unwilling to accommodate me and terminated my services. This was not my decision and it was beyond my control.”

And perhaps, the stress of an approaching lawsuit?

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Remember last week when Halle Berry said she was done with relationships and needed “a minute” for herself, and then took a new boyfriend, Alex da Kid, on vacation with her? 

Maybe she meant she wanted a one minute relationship because Halle dumped Alex on that vacation.

But wait, there’s another minute coming up …

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Nothing worse than a has-been actress, best known for the way her boobs bounced in slow motion and her marriages and divorces, speaking out about sexual abusers. Amirite Pamela Anderson?

It seems Pammy thinks Harvey Weinstein’s victims should have known better; known better than to go to a meeting their agent set up; known better than to have a conversation with a well-known producer; known better than to dress a certain way.  And, in an interview with Desperate Megyn Kelly, Anderson said:

“It was common knowledge that certain producers or certain people in Hollywood or people to avoid, privately. You know what you’re getting into if you’re going into a hotel room alone.”

Odd words coming from a woman who has detailed her own experiences with sexual abuse as a young actress, but she does go on:

“I know that Hollywood is very seductive and these people want to be famous. Sometimes you think you’re going to be safe with an adult in the room. I don’t know where this security comes from, but somehow I’ve dodged it all. I’ve been offered lots of things. A condo and a Porsche to be someone’s number one girl. I just naively said, ‘Well there must be a number two then, so I’m not interested.’ Money, homes, roles in movies. And I just didn’t want to do it that way. I had no desire. I’m a romantic and it didn’t appeal to me.”

So, you escaped being the victim of sexual assault, but you then blame any other woman who was a victim? Siddown, Has-Been.

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In another case of a sexual predator losing their job we have Danny Masterson, who was fired from the Netflix comedy, The Ranch, after stories broke that he raped four women years back.

Masterson’s firing comes amid the news that the LA County District Attorney and LA Police Department are investigating the allegations.

One thing I find troubling is that Masterson is a Scientologist and the Church Cult of Scientology has provided the LAPD with fifty affidavits, no doubt all given by Scientologists, that Masterson says proves he didn’t assault anyone.

And we know the Co$ doesn’t lie, right?

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And then there was Geraldo Rivera defending Matt Lauer after his story of being the Pervy Guy at NBC broke, and the world was reminded that Geraldo used to be, and might still be, a member of that same club.

In fact, the Divine Miss M, Bette Midler reminded him, and everyone else, of the time she accused Rivera of drugging and groping her.

See, in the 70s, Geraldo interviewed Bette and she claimed, way back in the 90s in a Barbara Walter’s interview, that Rivera and a producer shoved poppers under her nose and pushed her into the bathroom where they groped her. And now, in the light of Lauer and Rose and Keillor, Geraldo has come forward to apologize, sort of:

“27 years ago I wrote a tawdry book depicting consensual events in 1973-45 years ago-I’ve deeply regretted its distasteful & disrespectful tone & have refrained from speaking about it-I’m embarrassed & profoundly sorry to those mentioned-I have & again apologize to anyone offended. [And] although I recall the time [Midler] has alluded to much differently than she, that does not change the fact that she has a right to speak out & demand an apology from me, for in the very least, publically [sic] embarrassing her all those years ago. Bette, I apologize.”

Wow, so he admits he did it, but says it wasn’t exactly like she said? Take a seat alongside Pammy, Geraldo, and keep your hands to yourself.

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Matt Lauer, unemployed predator, has ALLEGEDLY decided to go after some coins from NBC by demanding a huge payout after the network fired him for his pervy ways. Lauer’s lawyers are working on a plan to snag $30 million for the Early Morning Predator since he had a year and a half left on his $20 million-a-year contract when he was canned.

So, he thinks he deserves it. Well, I say give it to him and let all the women he harassed, exploited, fondled, groped, and ridiculed all line up for a lawsuit seeking hundreds of millions in damages.

Matt? Go.Away. Like, um, your wife?

The current Missus Lauer, Annette Roque, is, and has been, out of the picture for years … probably about the time she realized her husband, despite all the coins, was a pervert.

It seems that they have been living apart since, well, the time she first filed for divorce amidst claims that he was emotionally abusive and cruel to her.

Sure, they eventually reconciled, but it appears they basically lived separate lives since then.

I’d like to add Annette’s name to the long list of women who should sue Lauer for every penny in his pocket.

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TV star—and I use the term loosely—Katherine McPhee, who is ALLEGEDLY dating decades older composer David Foster, accidentally crashed a weekend wedding in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, and was kicked out by the bride.

And McPhee, who was with producer pal Hilary Shor, decided to bash the bride on social media because that’s what grown folks do, you know.

Shor posted their snarky commentary about the incident to Instagram, calling the bride who denied the wedding crashers entry to her nuptials a “loser.”

One video, captioned “Bride Bitch,” shows McPhee in her room snottily noting:

“What bride does her own wedding security? If you’re doing your own security, you have a problem.”

I guess McPhee thought she could off a Beyoncé move, crashing a wedding and being welcomes, but McPhee is not Beyoncé, she’s, well, not really anyone.

Like I said, Grown Folks.

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Selena Gomez was honored by Billboard Magazine as their woman of the year but it was something Billboard did, something so horrible, which forced Gomez to close her Instagram account…

Selena was offended that the Billboard journalist saw a giant teddy bear in her house and wrote about it. And, before turning her account private, Gomez took to Instagram to vent:

“Never will I let another human guess my words ever again. Or invite them in my home. That is so hurtful. The most ‘ridiculous’ part of that is no one knowing my heart when I say things.”

Note to Billboard: teddy bears are off limits … especially when the “star” is so childish.

Update: A day after being Teddy Bear Offended, Gomez has once more opened the doors to her Instagram account, and tweens everywhere breathed a sigh of relief.

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Earlier, we had Katherine McPhee crashing a wedding and then acting the bitch on social media, and now we have Fergie getting Hot Mess Drunk at The Trevor Project’s TrevorLIVE L.A. Gala.

Fergie was seated at the head table next to Husband-In-My-Head Armie Hammer and the night’s honoree, Tom Ford and was getting her Happy on with fellow tablemates Elizabeth Chambers and Isla Fisher. But, when Armie got up to present Tom his award, Dronk Fergie made her move and actually walked onstage to interrupt him in what some thought was a planned move but quickly realized was a Liquor Induced Plan because Fergie started to sing … badly. Armie Hammer looked like he needed a shoulder to cry on and, damn, I wasn’t there!

Fergie finally left the stage and Armie gave the award to Ford but Fergie was far from done; when Shoshannah Bean took the stage to give the evening’s final performance, something happened, a technical glitch or something, and Fergie again made her move. She saw her victim, an unattended microphone, and leapt to the stage to croak out “A Little Work” and try to get the stunned audience to join in.

Many in the crowd were supportive of Fergie, and Isla and Elizabeth were recording her with their phones, but most people were stunned.

Look out partygoers, Fergie has a new album coming out and will apparently use any event to promote it … even when she’s not invited to do so.

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Fresh from jail after beating up her hsuabnd on the streets of a tiny West Virginia town, Naya Rivera flew back to LA and quickly filed for divorce from Ryan Dorsey for the second time.

Naya cited “irreconcilable differences” and is asking for joint legal and physical custody of their 2-year-old son Josey, and has asked the judge to block both of them from getting spousal support.

I guess she has some Glee coins left? The best part, though, is that Naya listed the date of their separation as November 24th, one day before she was arrested and charged with domestic battery for beating on Ryan during walk.

I guess they wanted one last walk, and one last punch, before ending it all?

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