The Funny Papers

JD Crowe, Dave Whamond, Gary Huck, Kevin Kallaugher, Adam Zyglis, Lalo Alcaraz, Jack Ohman, Deb Milbrath, Clay Bennett, Mike Luckovich, Ed Hall

I Didn't Say It

President Biden, on his opponent:

“He calls those who oppose him ‘vermin.’ He talks about the blood of America as being poisoned, echoing the same exact language used in Nazi Germany. He posts the words that describe his 2024 campaign: revenge, power, and dictatorship. There’s no confusion about who he is.”

Think about the last time a candidate for president of this country quoted Hitler in speeches.

Think about it.

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Sean Hannity, Fox “News,” after repeatedly praising Thing 45 for every stock market record, now dismisses stock prices as inconsequential for most Americans since a Democrat is in office:

“Now, stocks did hit an all-time high. What did we learn last week? Is that the stock market impacts 8% of Americans. It does not impact the other 92%. It’s one of the main reasons I’ve never used it as any kind of real barometer in terms of the health of our economy.”

The S&P 500 hit a record high this week, further reflecting a booming economy after some pundits had worried that it would fall into a recession.

Hannity is an effing blatant bold-faced liar.

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Charlize Theron, guest judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race, speaking to the queens in the workroom:

“I just wanted to say, given the climate in our country right now, there is a lot of energy being put toward your community not existing. I truly believe that all of that is coming from a place of fear. The beauty of who you guys are, what your community brings to all of us and the truth of who you are and represent will come out. Don’t give up. I have two small children, and I want them to grow up in a world where they know what it means to accept what’s not you, what is different and love that, to not be scared of that, and to embrace it, and that’s my job as a mom. They were born who they are and exactly where in the world both of them get to find themselves as they grow up, and who they want to be, is not for me to decide. My job as a parent is to celebrate them and to love them and to make sure that they have everything they need in order to be what they want to be. I feel like we’re living in a day and age where our words can so easily be weaponized against us. I worry about us, as people, and what we can do to each other, and how powerful it is when you love and how powerful it is when you hate. One destroys and one builds.”

Good on her; a longtime supporter of LGBTQ+ causes, Theron revealed in 2019 that her eldest child, Jackson, is a transgender girl.

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Michael Elizabeth Pence, rejecting the batshittery of Thing 45, top Republicans, and the cultists:

“I’ve seen the director of the FBI repeatedly assure the American people that the FBI were not the instigators of the riot that occurred on January 6. And frankly I’m very grateful for the efforts of the FBI to bring nearly a thousand people to justice who ransacked our Capitol and did violence against police officers that day. I believe everyone that conducted that riot at the Capitol needs to be held to the fullest extent of the law. I’m pleased that many have.”

I still hold Mike Pence accountable for goose-stepping along with a criminal and for the months and months after January 6 when he kept his mouth shut to protect Thing 45 and the GOP.

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Wilson Cruz, actor and gay man, speaking at a congressional roundtable to discuss the GOSAFE Act, a bill to prevent gun violence:

“I am a nephew and a family member devastated by gun violence. My aunt, Brenda Marquez McCool, was murdered at the Orlando Pulse nightclub shooting while she placed her body between the shooter and her son, who survived. I’m also here as a citizen who’s exhausted. This bill calls for a ban on weapons that were literally created in order to end human life, to destroy human bodies. If we claim to be a society that values life, the very least we can do is pass this bill and save more human lives by removing these instruments of terror.”

The GOSAFE Act, introduced by Democrat Senator Martin Heinrich of New Mexico would restrict access to certain semi-automatic firearms, large-capacity magazines, and machine gun conversion devices that make guns deadlier; it would force would-be mass shooters to reload their guns more frequently—giving people time to flee and law enforcement time to arrive on the scene—while also maintaining law enforcement access to regulated firearms.

Simple, right?

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The Funny Papers

Jon Ostrove, Bill Bramhall, Tim Campbell, Nick Anderson, Jack Ohman, Ed Hall, Ann Telnaes, Steve Breen, Clay Bennett, Gary Huck, David Horsey, Rick McKee

Meme Dump

Why Is It ...

… that, out of the blue, for no good reason, I’ll say things like, “Who in the hell in their right mind would buy living room furniture with cup holders in it?” to the person who has living room furniture with cup holders in it?

… that the Barbie movie made more in one day than Ron DeSantis has fundraised in his entire political career?

… that Americans keep reelecting all the old white people to Congress? I mean, god love her, but Dianne Feinstein is no longer able to serve; and then there’s Mitch McConnell’s little freeze this week. Start voting out these in for life politicians and get some new blood into office.

… that people talk about their inner child? I don’t have one; I have an inner old lady that calls everyone a c*nt and wants to be in bed by 8:30.

… MAGAts want to impeach President Biden? Maybe cuz he’s creating jobs, infrastructure, manufacturing, 140 federal judges, and getting inflation down and all they have is fake outrage about laptops, gas stoves, M&Ms, and Barbies.

… that Michael Elizabeth Pence thinks he has a shot at the White House? Democrats hate him. Pro-choice Americans hate him. MAGAts hate him. The only one who appears to like him is Karen Pence and even she’s waffling.

… that the people shooting up Bud Light cans and burning Barbies call everyone else “easily triggered?”

… Rick Scott, Republican, keeps Tweeting that Joe Biden is a criminal when  he’s the one who defrauded millions from Medicare in a healthcare scam? Oh, yeah, GOP.

The Funny Papers

Jack Ohman, Mike Thompson, Joe Heller, Tim Campbell, MacLeod, Tjeerd Royaards, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, RJ Matson, Christopher Weyant, Dennis Goris, Drew Sheneman, Steve Breen, Michael de Adder, George Danby,