I Didn't Say It

John Kelly, former Chief of Staff for Thing 45, on his former boss’ praise of Putin:

“Disbelief. [Putin’s] a tyrant. He’s a murderer. He has attacked an innocent country whose only crime is that they want to be free and democratic and they’re working in that direction and have been working in that direction. Yes. Tyrants are smart. They know what they’re doing. But that’s—I can’t imagine why someone would look at what’s happening there and see it anything other than a criminal act. I don’t get it."

You’d think he’d know, after spending so much time as a Thing 45 sycophant.

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Tucker Carlson, Fox News fuck, on Putin and Russia, and proving himself to be an iditol and a traitor:

“Has Putin ever called me a racist? Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him? Has he shipped every middle-class job in my town to Russia? Did he manufacture a worldwide pandemic that wrecked my business and kept me indoors for two years? Is he teaching my children to embrace racial discrimination? Is he making fentanyl? Is he trying to snuff out Christianity? Does he eat dogs? These are fair questions, and the answer to all of them is no. Vladimir Putin didn’t do any of that.”

Let’s break it down: racists like Putin don’t call other racists racist, they call them comrade.

Putin won’t Tucker fired if he ever disagrees with him, he’ll just have him murdered as he’s done before.

Every middle-class job in America has gone to Russia? Luckily, Tucker, who is heir to the Swanson TV dinner fortune, wouldn’t know a middle-class job if it bitch-slapped him.

Tucker forgets it was his hero, his idol, who bungled a pandemic that kept people locked up and out of work for two years.

Tucker doesn’t want lily white children to learn about POC because then they’ll see what the racism in people like Ticker, at Fox News and in the GOP.

And I’m still waiting to see Democrats come for Bibles. Perhaps after they come for all the guns?

Tucker Carlson is a pandering one-percenter trying to come off like he cares about America when all he cares about is stroking his ego and his microdick … an affliction he shares with Putin and Thing 45.

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Lara _____, as dumb as her husband, accusing Trudeau of deploying the police in a “Gestapo-like” manner, cuz when all else fails, break out the Nazi comparisons:

“It is tyranny, what you [saw] happening in Canada. And let me tell you something. When you think of a tyrannical government, you often think of places like North Korea. [This] is how it starts. They start chipping away, one by one at your freedoms until you don’t even realize they’re gone. It is a really dangerous game they’re playing up there in Canada.”

Funny, that the majority of Canadians favor the vaccine and the mandates except for a few MAGAty truckers, eh, Lara? I’d beg you to get your facts straight, but you couldn’t tell a fact from a lie if your life, and your husband’s inheritance, depended on it.

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Neil Cavuto, Fox Business host returning to the air after a five-week absence:

“I’m back. I did get COVID again—but a far, far more serious strand, what doctors call ‘COVID pneumonia.’ It landed me in intensive care for quite a while and it really was touch-and-go. Some of you who wanted to put me out of your misery darn near got what you wished for. Sorry to disappoint you. But no, the vaccine didn’t cause that. That grassy knoll theory has come up a lot. My very compromised immune system did. Because I’ve had cancer and right now I have multiple sclerosis, I’m among the vulnerable three percent or so of the population that cannot sustain the full benefits of a vaccine. But let me be clear, doctors say had I not been vaccinated at all, I wouldn’t be here.”

Good on him for speaking out, but … big surprise … he received all sorts of hate mail for pushing the vaccine because … MAGAts and Fox.

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Kenosha Murderer—I won’t say his name—threatening to sue Whoopi Goldberg and a whole “list” of other celebrities and politicians for calling him a murderer:

“We’re gonna be holding them accountable. I want to hold them accountable for what they did to me ’cause I don’t want to see anybody have to go through what I did. We’re going to hold everybody who lied about me accountable, such as everybody who lied and called me a white supremacist. They’re all going to be held accountable. And we’re going to handle them in a courtroom.”

Oh Killer, you stupid little murderous racist. Ever heard of Free Speech? You should check it out while you still have a few minutes of your Fifteen left.

And let’s be clear, murderer, you were not found innocent, you were found not guilty and that is not the same thing. You took the lives of human beings, and that makes you a murderer.

Buh-bye killer.

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Kerry Washington, actor, honoring one of my heroes, Rosa Parks, during Black History Month.

“A lot of people think that Rosa’s activism started with her refusing to give up her seat on the bus, but she lived a life of activism long before that. Fighting, boycotting, marching, and even working as an investigator for the NAACP, advocating against sexual assaults on Black women. It was Rosa Park’s act of civil disobedience on that bus that sparked a revolution. She took that seat in order to take a stand. That seat on the bus was her fighting stance—and so we continue the fight today, in whatever way we can! Let’s ask ourselves, what can we do! Sit. Stand. March. Make calls. Volunteer. Talk to your family and friends. Do whatever you can and however you can. Rosa taught us that. And we are forever grateful. It was an honor to honor her.”

In a world of Tucker Carlson’s and Lara _____s and Kenosha Murderers, be a Rosa Parks.

Stand up and speak up and act up.

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It's Snarkurday!

I have always found Colin Farrell hot ... even dirty, drunk, sloppy, bordering on Johnny Depp-like messiness, I’ve always found him hot.

Well, Colin was on Ellen this week and played a game called Celebrity Confessions which involves the guest confessing to something in exchange for a $10,000 donation to the charity of their choice.

So, Colin talked about the time he gave his pubes a bad haircut. See, he was about to shoot a sex scene for Tigerland and he asked director Joel Schumacher for pubic hair removal approval ... is that a thing in Hollywood? 

Colin wanted to trim it ... Joel said “Do it.” ... Colin grabbed a beard trimmer from makeup-and-hair and went to town; and then went through town and out of town and all around town.

Suddenly his big bush was a landing strip and, well, his pubic hair did not make their film debut after all.

Note to Colin: Um, I’m pretty handy with a pair of clippers so the next time you’d like to manscape down there, gimme a call. I’d be happy to lend a hand or ... since I’ve seen that video ... two.

Just sayin’.
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This makes my skin crawl, but I’ve got a duty to snark so ... Cindy Rueda, former personal chef to Puff-Daddy-P-Diddy-Sean-Combs-Whatever, has filed a sexual harassment suit saying she was exposed to improper sexual activity and commentary while working in the Diddy manse.

In the complaint, Rueda ALLEGES that she was “regularly summoned by Mr. Combs to prepare and serve entrees and appetizers to him and his guests while Mr. Combs and/or his guests were engaged in or immediately following sexual activity.”

Ooh, Roman Orgy-style? And, Rueda ALLEGES, once when Combs asked her to prepare a “post-coital meal” he asked if she was attracted to his naked body.

I believe she may have hurled on Little Diddy. I would have.

Another time “a male house guest of Combs approached plaintiff in the nude to ask her to look at and admire his genitals after he had engaged in sexual activity with another house guest.”

Perhaps she wasn’t just serving crabs, but checking for them as well?

Rueda—who began working for Diddy but never diddling Diddy in 2015—is also claiming that she was required to work from 9AM until 2:30AM for just $150 a day, and that she traveled with Diddy for no extra pay.

And, she ALLEGES, that a year later when she complained about the long hours, the low pay, and the orgies and meals, she was fired ALLEGEDLY for  stealing a watch she says was given to her by the housekeeper, who found it in the trash.

What? Here’s the deal, girl: if you’re working 17 hours a day and getting just $150, you quit. If you’re working for a man who wants to serve him and his sex-guests an after orgy meal, you quit. If Sean Combs says, “How do you like my junk?” you throw up and then you quit.

You don’t stay for over a year and then bitch when you get canned.

Okurrrrrrrr?
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On last week’s RuPaul’s Drag Race, the queens were challenged to film a parody of Beverly Hills, 90210 called Beverly Hills, 9021-HO. The scenes were directed and judged by former 90210 stars Tori “Can’t pay my bills” Spelling and Jennie “Where is my career?” Garth.

And during the judging Tori and Jennie proved they are still bitchy mean girls by throwing shade at their 90210 co-star, Tiffani “There used to be an Amber there” Thiessen.

See, while critiquing Aja’s performance—a parody of Tiffani’s character Valerie Malone—Jennie refused to say Tiffani’s name, and Tori replied by calling Tiffani “That which we don’t speak of.”

And here’s why: the fued goes back to 1994 when Tiffani joined the cast in 1994. Things were cold in the beginning, but then warmed up a little and she became good friends with Jennie.  But, when Tori cheated on her first husband, Charlie, with her second husband-to-be, Dean, and then divorced Charlie, Tiffani’s friendship with the Mean Girls fell apart because Tiffani’s best friend was Charlie’s roommate.

And so, apparently, a decade later Tori and Jennie are still Bitter Bettys about it.

Gosh maybe Ryan Murphy can make this into a season of Feud ... or, if not a whole season, at least a very disturbing PSA.

Anyway, as feuds go, I tend to pick a side and I’ll stand with Tiffani because Tiffani has a job on Food Network and so, unlike Tori, she can pay her bills, and unlike Jennie, she’s working. But mainly I fall on Team Tiff because she worked for years on White Collar and got to stand within inches of Matt Bomer and that means we will always be on the same team!

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The list of things Justin Bieber needs to have while he’s on tour—it’s called a ‘rider’—have been exposed by music journalist Arjun S. Ravi, and, well, Bieber's a bigger douche than I originally thought ...

Ravi Tweeted what he claims is Bieber’s rider for his Purpose World Tour in Mumbai this week and it is something. Here now, is what Justin Bieber demands for himself and his entourage of 120 while he’s in India for one single show:

A helicopter to take him from his hotel to the concert venue.

A dressing room draped entirely in white curtains.

A lot of food, like bags of Swedish Fish and sugary cereal.

Ten luxury cars and two buses for his entourage, in addition to a Rolls Royce solely for himself.

Two five-star hotels, with three full floors and a private elevator reserved only for him in one of the hotels.

He will be shipping in his own ping pong table, sofa set, washing machine, and fridge.

He demands purple carnations, 100 hangers, a massage table and a female massage therapist in his room.

He demands that the five-star hotel chefs prepare him 5 special meals a day, each of which is renamed after his songs ...

Never Say Never to Mac’n’Cheese? What Do You Mean There’s No Pie? Love Yourself Like I Love Cheese Pizza?

He also wants a “yoga casket” containing essential oils, books on chakras and yoga asanas.

Oh, and last but assuredly not least, no lilies! I guess he’s a’scurred a’lilies.

Seriously, he out-divas JLo and Mimi and they've been around for half a century.

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So Suicide Squad. Out and gone in a relative flash, but now comes a tale of Jared Leto’s extreme method acting. 

It seems that his Suicide Squad co-star Ike Barinholtz was the recipient of Jared Leto Acting 101.

During an interview with Howard Stern, Ike talked about playing a prison guard in the film and shared a scene with Jared in which Let’s Joker offers to help Ike’s character out with some gambling debts.

Jared played the scene real close to Ike and even planted an unplanned kiss on him, saying and doing several things that were never in the script:

“I do this scene with Jared Leto and he’s supposed to be intimidating me. He comes in ... and he starts squeezing my tits. He’s like [panting and moaning] ‘You’re a big guy’. This is while we’re filming. Then he fucking grabs me and kisses me. On the mouth, full kisses me. I thought, OK, I’m just gonna go with it. But then he’s like, [panting and moaning again] ‘Did someone piss their pants?’ I’m like, now I did because you said I did!”

Man, first I miss out on manscaping Colin Farrell's nether regions and now I lose out on a steamy Leto kiss?

I need to get to Hollywood; I’ve work to do.

Oh, and I'm a whore.
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Beyoncé’s representative is not happy with y’all. In case you’ve forgotten, Beyoncé is still pregnant with her twins, and spends her days posting pictures to Instagram lest the Beyhive come for her.

But, in one photo—up there—it looks as though her lips have been Jolie’d. And as people talked about the visits to the Lip Doctor, Beyoncé’s publicist, Yvette Noel-Schure, lost her damned mind and told anyone and everyone who thinks Beyoncé’s lips look fake to f**k off:

“What do you know about the effects of pregnancy on a woman’s entire body? Please tell me. Did you know that in addition to weight gain there is often a dramatic change in the blood flow in the system and increased fluid causing swelling? Do you know that often women’s gums get swollen? Do you know that it sometimes affects our speech, our ability to chew intently and a host of other things? But the sacrifice to our faces, our feet and our entire bodies is something we welcome because we bring beautiful humans into the world who will one day combat your hate and negativity. I stood silent during Beyoncé’s first pregnancy when you thought it was okay to bully her like the cowards you are, when you accused her of never being pregnant, but I simply cannot this time. You are the saddest individuals and picking on a pregnant lady is tantamount to possessing the coldest, despicable heart. You need to find something else to do with your time and maybe stop by a store that has happiness on sale because you need to buy some.”

Sorry, Yvette. Maybe we didn’t know that, like most women, Beyoncé suffers a little baby weight gain ... in.her.lips.
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Rumors have swirling ever since Chris Rock revealed in a comedy routine that he’d cheated on his ex-wife with three different women, including a big star. And now foils are saying the big star is Scandal’s Kerry Washington.

A source—and it could be Lohan, still trying to get Mean girls: The Musical on Broadway ... in a high school gym, on Broadway—says:

“He was cheating on his wife with Kerry when they were filming [‘I Think I Love My Wife’] about him, ironically, having fantasies of cheating on his wife. That went on for a while, for like six months, and she found out. There’s no gray area.”

Rumors about the Chris-Kerry Tryst have been around since 2007, when Rock was married and Washington was engaged to actor David Moscow who, when asked about the ALLEGED affair, uttered, “No comment.”

Still, some say it was a joke because Chris also said he cheated with a member of Destiny’s Child, but not Beyoncé.

Hmmm, I wonder what Beyoncé’s lips looked like then?
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So, Conrad Hilton, Paris Hilton’s little brother; you thought she was a self-entitled spoiled rich kid, well, she’s got nothing on her baby brother.

Conrad used to date Hunter Salomon, the daughter of actress E.G. Daily—“Dottie” in Pee-Wee Herman’s Big Adventure—and Paris Hilton porn tape co-star Rick Salomon.

This week Conrad was arrested for ALLEGEDLY trying to break into her house—again—last Saturday morning; and, in addition to trying to break into the home, he’s also ALLEGEDLY charged with grand theft auto for stealing E.G.’s ex-husband, and Hunter’s dad, Rick Salomon’s, Bentley from HIS house before the break-in.

Hunter filed a restraining order when they broke up in May of 2015, but Conrad violated it almost at once; this, in fact, is the second time he’s broken into her home, and now E.G. is talking about Conrad’s scary behavior towards her family that has been going on for years. She’s even talked to his parents, Rick and Kathy Hilton, and tried to cut Conrad a break, if he’d just stay away, but, you know, rich, white, drug addicted stalkers are hard to keep at bay.

Especially when they keep getting arrested and yet their bail is set at a measly—by Hilton standards—$60,000.

Oh, and lest we forget what a vile human being Connie Hilton is, he exploded on police who showed up to arrest him for breaking-and-entering in a spree of homophobic slurs, racial epithets and rape accusations, in addition to making even Reese Witherspoon cringe at the ‘Don’t you know who I am?’ of it all:

“I’m Conrad motherf***ing Hilton, don’t you forget it.”

How can we forget you Connie when you keep getting arrested. We’d love to forget you if only your punishment would fit your crimes.
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Now, in sweet news, longtime unmarried lovebirds Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn both got their stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame; and they are side-by-side. And they gushed about one another in their acceptance speeches:

“Goldie, to you, I owe my wonderful life. Simply put, Goldie, I cherish you. All of the stars in the sky or on the boulevard don’t hold a candle to that.”

Hawn and Russell never tied the knot, and yet they’ve stayed together for 33-years. Russell, accepting his star, joked that it “will be subjected to the constant harshness of the blazing California sun” and “stray dogs of both the canine and human variety — perhaps in need of a little relief.” He said it will “trod upon by the soles of shoes caked with earth from all corners of the world.” And the added:

“There’s no one else I’d rather be next to for all of that than Goldie Hawn.”

Goldie, for her part, began by asking a question:

“Can we just get married? We’ve never had a celebration like this before, but I’m not going to pop the question.”

Sweet. After the sludge above it’s nice to end with sweet, eh?

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Emmy Detritus ... The Fashion ... And Hottie McHot Jon Hamm

THE BEST

Viola Davis ... she could do no wrong, taking home an Emmy, giving a gorgeous speech, and looking this fabulous.

THE GOOD

Jamie lee Curtis, proving you don't have to be nipped and tucked and dyed and rail thin to be beautiful in Hollywood.

Taraji P. Henson. It was hothothot on Emmy night and Cookie looked so cool ... and so hot.

THE M'KAY

Kerry Washington always takes a fashion risk and, while I like this metal dress, I cannot help but think it's looks like a Tin Man version of Carol Burnett's 'Eunice' dress.

Sofia Vergara. The epitome of 'Meh' because this is the same basic dress she always wears, albeit in a different fabric.

THE MEH

Claire Danes. I actually like the dress and I like the chains and I love the color, but I don't like the President of the PTA hair.

Lady Gaga. I.Expected.More.

THE BAD

Christina Hendricks. I like that she;'s a proud curvy woman,and she's beautiful, but the curves on this dress do her no justice at all. It's mad, men.

January Jones. The color is hideous and the billowy fabric on the legs makes her seem lopsided when the wind blows like she has one gargantuan gam and one pencil thin stick.

THE AWFUL

Joanna Newsom ... Andy Samberg's wife. I can't help but thinking, "Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, what did you think of the play?"

Kiernan Shipka. A lampshade on stilts.

THE WORST

Heidi Klum in what looks like  a mashup of Big Bird, brothel madam autumn leaves and way gay chain male. I seriously thought this was a joke ... and it is.

HOTTEST MAN

Jon Hamm finally won his Emmy and he looked hot and sexy while doing it. Man, oh, man, that man can rock a suit.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Meghan McCain, on Aaron Schock's epic "flameout":

“The specific scandal that led to his resignation exacerbates every negative stereotype that exists about Millennials being the over-indulged, selfie-obsessed, “me-me-me” generation, and now, unluckily enough for us Millennial Republicans out there, our first well-known representative will be best remembered for completely blowing his chance to reform our party simply because he got too caught up riding around in private jets and going to Katy Perry concerts.” 

To me he's just another self-entitled Republican who thinks the rules don't apply to them, young or old, Baby Boomer or Millennial.
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Kerry Washington, of Scandal, receiving the Vanguard Award at the GLAAD Media Awards about how marginalized communities should be working together for a seat at the table:

"So when black people today tell me that they don't 'believe' in gay marriage, the first thing that I say is please don't let anybody try to get you to vote against your own best interests by feeding you messages of hate. And then I say, you know people used to say stuff like that about you and your love. And if we let the government start to legislate love in our lifetime, who do you think is next? We can't say that we believe in each others' fundamental humanity and then turn a blind eye to the reality of each other’s existence and the truth of each other’s hearts. We must be allies. And we must be allies in this business because to be represented is to be humanized. And as long as anyone, anywhere is being made to feel less human, our very definition of humanity is at stake and we are all vulnerable."

Perfection.
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Henry Rollins, musician and outspoken LGBT supporter, suggesting that opposition to marriage equality is the GOP’s best fundraising tool:

“I am not convinced that that many people really have a problem with gay marriage [but] I think that there are absolutely some people who hate and fear the gay and are very opposed to the gay marriage. … I think that it has become a consistent and dependable fundraiser to where if every homosexual person in America said ‘ok, we’re awful, we have a bad lifestyle, and we’ll slither under the rock that we should be living under and we’ll never ask to be married again,’ they would lose a major fundraising tool. People on the right would go ‘no, no, no, come back queer wanna-get-married guy, we need you in the bible belt.”

Sad, but true. Hate as a means of raising money for a political party.
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Zoe Saldana, on the Dolce & Gabbana boycott:

“[That] would be the stupidest thing if it affected my fashion choice. People are allowed to their own opinion, however, I wouldn’t have chosen to be so public about something that’s such a personal thing. Obviously it caused some sensitivity, but then again if you continue to follow the news, you see they all kinda hugged it out, so why are we making a big deal about it? I’m certainly not going to stop wearing Dolce, and I’m certainly not going to be refuting when they are adopting synthetic children, however they wanted to say it. I do think things are lost in translation. My husband [Marco Perego] is from Italy and if I judged him based on the words that he misuses in our English language he wouldn’t be here today. It’s like look people, have a drink, relax, it’s okay.”

A prime example of why some, some, actresses shouldn't speak unless reading from a script.

It was by no means a case of not understanding the language; those two gay men are ashamed of ebbing gay and think that being gay means they have no rights to marry or have children, either via adoption, IVF, surrogacy...

Siddown Zoe, and keep quiet.

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Madonna, on why she’s never met President Obama:

"The person I most want to meet is President Obama. When the heck am I going to meet him? He just needs to invite me to the White House already. He probably thinks I'm too shocking to be there. I'm serious. If I was a little bit more demure or if I was just married to Jay Z. Hey, if Jay would only take me as his second wife, then I'd score an invitation.”

Maybe he’s just not that into you, Madge.
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Larry Kramer, LGBT activist, author, playwright and hero, receiving the first-ever Larry Kramer Activism Award from the Gay Men's Health Crisis [GMHC]:

"Genocide is the deliberate and systematic extermination of a national, racial, political, or ethnic group. Such as gay people. Such as people of color. To date, around the world, an estimated 78 million people have become infected, 39 million of whom have died. When we first became acquainted with HIV there were 41 cases. The main difference between the Larry Kramer who helped to start Gay Men’s Health Crisis in his living room in 1982 and ACT UP in 1987 and the Larry Kramer who stands before you now is that I no longer have any doubt that our government is content, via sins of omission or commission, to allow the extermination of my homosexual population to continue unabated."

Silence = Death. Stand out, speak out, and carry on Larry’s legacy. Hiding does no one any good.

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