The Funny Papers

Jim Morin, Joe Heller, Nick Anderson, David Horsey, Randy Bish, Rick McKee, Darrin Bell, Nick Anderson, Randy Bish, Mike Lucovich

Random Musings

I have been watching “I Am Cait” every so often. I try to avoid the more Kardastrophe-like moments when it plays like reality show trash, and focus on the parts where Cait is stepping out of her shell to speak to young trans people and hear of their lives and their struggles. I like that because, as I’ve said before, Trans is the new gay, as it were, and is a huge part of the next phase of our march …

That said, I will spend a moment in shock and surprise at some of the Kardastrophe moments from last week, namely Kim and Khloe.

The episode centered on the weeks after the Vanity Fair piece on Caitlyn was released, and both Kim and Khloe felt that Caitlyn had said some rude things about That Woman, AKA Their Mother. But here’s the rub … and seriously I was shocked.

Kim Kardastrophe was cool calm, rather plain Jane looking, and rational when she aired her grievances with Caitlyn, while Khloe seemed too busy showing up her newly plumped to the point of explosion lips and flipping her newly blond hair.

Having never seen an episode of the Kardastrophes’ show — just a snippet here and there — I’d always assumed Kim was the stupid vain one who only cared about her looks and couldn’t string together a sentence with rope and glue, while Khloe was the intelligent, thoughtful sister.

Wrong. Just sayin’.

[Caitlyn, Kim, Khloe]

Well well well … TLC, the former home of the Duggar brood, has created a documentary about child sexual abuse and has set the date for its airing, August 13.

The one-hour special, Breaking the Silence, comes on the heels of the scandal involving the Duggars and their son Josh, who molested five young girls, including two of his own sisters.

That’s all well and good, but this is where is gets ugly and creepy … among those who will speak out in the documentary are Jill and Jessa Duggar, who previously shared their struggles to cope with the aftermath of being molested by Josh more than a decade ago.

I wonder if the girls were paid for their time, since TLC canceled the Duggars’ show and their one source of income.

And I wonder if anyone in the documentary will question those two girls about their continued support and affection for their molester.

Speaking of child molesters … this week former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle will plead guilty to charges that he possessed child pornography and had sex with at least 14 underage girls.

Now, pleading guilty without so much as a trial makes it appear that the case could have been much worse, because with his plea comes a sentence of 5 to 12 years in federal prison, with it appearing the sentence will lean more toward twelve and not five.

I hope it twelve, fully, and all the way.

[NPR] 

So, while we’re on a role with horrible people: In Texas, Hood County Clerk Katie Lang just cost the taxpayers in her county some $44,000.00 because of her “religious freedom.”

Both Lang and Hood County were the subjects of a federal lawsuit filed by Joe Stapleton and Jim Cato after Lang refused to issue the couple a marriage license. The lawsuit was recently settled by Hood County, which will have to pay Stapleton’s and Cato’s legal fees, amounting to $43,872.10.

The county commissioners voted to take this action “to save [Lang] from dealing with the additional expense and significant financial exposure her actions caused the taxpayers of her county.”

I think since it was Katie Lang — and it isn’t lost on me that her name sounds like kd lang — who cost the county so much money for her personal beliefs, she should pay the $44,000.00. Why burden anyone else in the county because of her region-based hatred?

[Gannett]

So, [t]Rrump wants to take all those children born in this country to undocumented immigrants and send them back to their own country, eh?

Well, first off, if they’re born here, this is their country, and secondly, there’s a little something called the 14th Amendment to the Constitution that makes all children born or naturalized in this country automatic US citizens.

[t]Rump’s response: The 14th Amendment to the Constitution is unconstitutional. Yes, he does not know the law but thinks he can just change it at will if he were to become president.

And I thought Jeb was stupid.

[Seattle PI]

So, I follow cartoonist Nick Anderson on Facebook and use some of his political cartoons on my Sunday post.

I had no idea he was such a hunk, though.

Savvy, smart, artistic, hunky? Yes, please.

[Facebook]

And, well, let’s move on with more Duggar news … It appears that after the recent hacking of adultery site Ashley Madison, and the release of their clients’ emails and profiles and such, that Gawker has discovered not one but two paid Ashley Madison accounts for child molester and religious icon Josh Duggar.

Here’s the gist: Someone using a credit card belonging to a Joshua J. Duggar, with a billing address that matches the home in Fayetteville, Arkansas owned by his grandmother Mary — a home that was consistently shown on their now-cancelled TV show, and in which Anna Duggar gave birth to her first child — paid a total of $986.76 for two different monthly Ashley Madison subscriptions from February of 2013 until May of 2015.

Uh huh. The good news, I guess, is that Josh Duggar has finally stopped molesting young girls and has moved on to women who aren’t his sisters … or his wife.

Okay, Tracy Morgan had that terrible bus accident, when his tour bus was hit by a Wal-Mart truck. And one of his friends was killed in the accident, and Morgan suffered serious injuries.

Now, though, I wonder how serious, because, a couple of months ago I caught Morgan on film using a walker to walk into a local Post Office in his town, and then mere weeks later, when the suit against Wal-Mart was settled for an undisclosed amount, Morgan goes out bowling for his birthday and announces he’ll host SNL this next season.

That was some recovery … and that’s just my opinion.

[Mass Appeal]

The GOP just cannot divest itself of homophobia.

The Republican National Committee has adopted a resolution which calls on Congress to pass the anti-LGBT First Amendment Defense Act in the names of several … get this … martyred anti-gay business owners who have been found guilty of violating public accommodation laws.

Yes, because people were found guilty of discriminating against The Gays, the GOP has doubled down on The Gay Hate. The legislation was introduced in the House by Republican Raúl Labrador of Idaho, and in the Senate by Republican Mike Lee of Utah.

Ellen Barrosse, the RNC Chair of the Conservative Steering Committee, says the resolution is “an attempt, for those of us who are people of faith, to protect religious organizations.”

Um, Ellen, dear? A bakery is not a religious organization, m’kay, so stop playing hate.

Luckily this legislation doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of passing, but it makes it clear that many in the Republican party are still virulently anti-LGBT and will use whatever means and excuses they can find to Hate.

[PBS]

Random Musings

I’m guessing Josh Duggar is wishing right about now that he’d only molested his little sisters and not a friend of the family.

See, that non-Duggar victim of child molestation is preparing to file a civil suit against Josh Duggar, and that means that Josh, and his mommy and daddy, Jim Bob and Brainwashed Michelle, could be forced to give depositions and testify about Josh’s molestation tendencies; and they won’t be able to invoke their Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination since the criminal statute of limitations has expired.

Good.

In addition, the Duggars are still under investigation the Department of Human Services and the fate of their reality show 19 Kids and Counting is still undecided.

But imagine that TLC continues to air the show — and how does that sound for a network, airing a show about an admitted child molester — the show might be on the air while the Duggars are fighting a lawsuit that exposes all of Josh’s secrets surrounding the molestations and how the Duggars covered it up.

Again … good.

Why, Whoopi, why? After the recent revelations about Bill Cosby, the serial rapist, admitting to drugging women so he could sexually assault them, Whoopi Goldberg continues to defend him:

“As a former Quaalude user, the ’80s were…They weren’t fun for everybody, clearly. We’ll see what happens as more information comes out. People will make judgments. I don’t like snap judgments because I’ve had snap judgments made on me, so I’m very, very careful…Save your texts, save your nasty comments. I don’t care.”

Look, Whoopi, this isn’t the case of one woman, or even two women, saying Cosby drugged them and raped them. It’s forty women and for you to make a snap judgment that they are not being truthful is just as crappy as you saying we’re making snap judgments about Cosby.

But then this is the same Whoopi Goldberg who once said some women deserve to be hit by men because they bring it on themselves, and who once said that Roman Polanski didn’t “rape rape” that thirteen-year-old girl back in the 70s.

Why, Whoopi, why?

[photo source]

And speaking of scandal, let’s talk Jared Fogle, the Subway sandwich guy whose home was searched, and whose computers were removed, in light of the recent child molestation scandal surrounding a business partner of his.

Fogle has been removed from any and all Subway advertisements, and yet no one, no one, has said he was involved in child pornography, possessed child pornography, or made child pornography.

And yet Whoopi ain’t standing up for him, and this is a guy who has not been accused by anyone of anything.

[photo source]

Macy’s. NBC. Nascar. Serta. The PGA. More and more people, and companies, are on the Dump [t]Rump Bandwagon after his disgusting racist comments about how all Mexican immigrants are rapists and thieves and drug dealers.

And now, Phillips-Van Heusen, the clothing company behind [t]Rump’s menswear line is kicking him to the curb:

“Mr. Trump and Macy’s have both addressed the discontinuation of the Trump business at Macy’s, which was the exclusive retail account for the Donald J. Trump Signature Collection dress shirt and neckwear collections produced under our license agreement for the brand. We are in the process of winding down this business.”

Uh oh, cuz they were supposed to remain in business together at least until 2018.

And then, to add insult to injury, The Simpsons took on [t]Rump:

Ouch. Now ... cue [t]Rump's War Of Words with a cartoon character.

Over the Fourth of July weekend I re-watched Schindler’s List, having not seen it since its theatrical release decades ago. And then we stumbled upon a film called The Railway Man, which takes place also during World War II, and is about a prison camp in Asia, where a British soldier was tortured.

That’s neither here nor there — although it was a good movie and co-starred my BFF Nicky Kidman — because there was a Brit actor named Sam Reid in the film. Hot and steamy in Singapore; hot and steamy.

I’m kinda enjoying Wayward Pines, a new show on FOX, about the future, or crazy towns, or, well, we don’t really know just yet.

But I’m also liking it because Reed Diamond is on it and her plays kind of a Silver Fox Hottie on the show.

I wish people would Google stuff before they post it; they might just find out what they’re about to post isn’t real and then they wouldn’t look like idiots.

Dinesh D’Souza, a rabid conservative, found that picture of Hillary Clinton and thought, since everyone was talking Confederate flag, to post it.

Well, first things first; if it was a real photo … if … it doesn’t mean Hillary supports the flag and what it stands for, ore that it was even her flag.

But, it’s a faked picture of Clinton and this professional writer, blogger, wingnut, couldn’t take the time for a 0.08 second Google search.

Ass-followedquicklyby-hat.

Sealed Air Corp., the creator of bubble wrap — which some folks, not me, love to grab and pop pop pop — has introduced a new packing material called iBubble Wrap.

And the bubbles don't pop. O. M. G. For some of you.

See, the iBubble Wrap isn't inflated until it reaches its destination, so it saves a lot of space in transit; buyers, like retailers that ship products, receive the rolls and then use a special pump to inflate the bubbles.

And even then you won’t be able to pop them. Breathe ….

I’ve heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but howsabout walking off your job just because you don’t want to issue a marriage license to a same-sex couple.

And howsabout everyone walking off their jobs for that reason?

That’s what happened in Decatur County, Tennessee; every single clerk has resigned rather than issue a marriage license to a gay couple.

Of course, there were only three homophobic, backwoods, knuckle-dragging, bigoted clerks in the office, but still, Gwen Pope, Sharon Bell and Mickey Butler gave their notice — their last day will be July 14 — because of the Supreme Court’s decision to allow same-sex marriages.

Bye Felicia. And good luck finding a new job with the state — even if it is Tennessee — after you tell them you quit your last position because you refused to obey the law of the land because the Baby Jeebus told you not to allow The Gays to marry.

Maybe Chic-fil-A is hiring?

A few years back, am audio recording of Patti LuPone — onstage during her run in Gypsy — was released in which Miss LuPone stopped the show cold because an audience member was on the phone. And she had the member ejected from the show, refusing to continue until he, or she, was gone.

Now, imagine this happening during a La LuPone performance …

During a recent performance of Broadway's Hand to God, an audience member quietly made his way up onto the stage so he could plug his cell phone into what he assumed was a working outlet; it was fake … it was part of the set.

Double dumb.

Front of house staff quickly responded to the intruder, retrieving the phone and only delaying the performance by five minutes. And then, this asshat who can’t live without his phone, asked of the ushers, when he was given back his device, “Well, where can  charge it?”

Um, howsabout at home because you don’t belong out in public.

And though there has been no official confirmation of the incident, cast member Mark Kudisch—Pastor Greg in the show—took to Twitter on July 3rd to share:

"Dear general audience, an electrical socket that's a part of the set of the play is NOT for you to charge your iPhone.....just an FYI....."

Some people …