The Funny Papers

Darrin Bell, David Horsey, Bill Day, Bob Gorrell, Nick Anderson, Mike Luckovich, Steve Sack, Jim Morin, Clay Bennett, John Cole

Random Musings

A thought on the murder—because it was murder—of Philando Castile by Police Officer Jeronimo Yanez.

Castile was doing everything right; offering his insurance proof, and then, when asked for license and registration, he calmly told the officer he had a firearm he was allowed to carry. Then when Castile reached for his wallet, Officer Yanez says he thought Castile was reaching for the gun and fired seven times at close range, with two bullets hitting Castile in the heart.

Here’s my thought: it was all going so calm and smooth; Castile was pulled over for a broken taillight. He was relaxed and calm and doing what the officer said but ...

What if, when Castile told the Yanez he had a gun, if Yanez hadn’t simply said—because there was no altercation, no raised voices, no hint of violence—“put your hands on the door and exit the vehicle.”

Then Yanez could have patted Castile down and removed the weapon—which Castile was allowed to carry—and the process could have gone on, a ticket issued and, thankfully, no one murdered because they were stopped for a broken taillight.

That’s all.

Either Newt Gingrich is a total moron, or he has such chutzpah, but ...

Since ______ has been blasting reports that he is under investigation for possible obstruction of justice, former House Speaker and serial adulterer, Newt Gingrich said the charges won’t stick because:

“Technically, the president of the United States cannot obstruct justice. The president of the United States is the chief executive officer of the United States. If he wants to fire the FBI director, all he has to do is fire him.”

Funny, cuz back in 1998 obstruction of justice was part of the impeachment proceedings that Hypocrite Gingrich led against former President Bill Clinton.

Asshat.

Last week, watching The Graham Norton Show, one of his guests was Anthony Joshua, World Heavyweight Boxing Champion. He is built like a brick sh ... he’s built. But he was also sweet and funny and hot.

Put it all together and he’s this week’s Hot Man Built Like A Brick Sh ...

He’s Hot.

A friend posted this to Facebook about the shooting at the ball field last week, and about Congressman Steve Scalise; he didn't write it and I wish I know who did because it just drips with irony:

"So let's get this straight. A rabidly anti-gay and white-supremacist congressman who recently voted to let mentally ill people have access to guns and who wants to repeal the Affordable Care Act had his life saved by a black lesbian married to a same-sex partner when he was shot by a mentally ill person and is currently under hospital care that is being paid for by government-funded health insurance. Sorry, there is way too much irony here to interrupt it with punctuation. Oh, and Capitol Police officer David Bailey is an immigrant who put his life on the line without hesitation to save all of those Republican Congressmen." 

Snap.

You know, I was all Team Caitlyn during her transition. I spoke up when people said moronic things about “him” both in life and online but ...

While I am still Team Trans, Caitlyn Jenner, since coming out as a transgender female, needs to stop talking. In the wake of the shooting of Steve Scalise last week, Caitlyn said:

“Nobody deserves what happened out there. There’s no justification. There are crazy people. We have to minimize that type of stuff.  ... Fortunately the guy was a really bad shot. Liberals can’t even shoot straight.”

Funny, right? Making a joke about a shooting. So, I Tweeted to Caitlyn:

You know, one other thing that Liberals can’t, and won’t do? Make jokes about gun violence.”

It’s past time for Caitlyn Jenner to sit down. Especially when you learn that Caitlyn also praised Officer Crystal Griner, the lesbian Capital Police Officer who was injured while taking down the shooter, and for not thinking about LGBT issues at the time”

“She did her job. She wasn’t thinking about LGBT issues, she wasn’t thinking about any of those types of things. She did her job and she did it well.”

WTF Caitlyn. Gay folks have been doing their jobs, without stopping to think about LGBT issues for our entire lives, but go ahead and diminish that; make us out to be self-involved and shallow and stupid ...

But that’s just you.

Republicans are complicit ...

For the tenth time in the last several months, this Republicans once again blocked a Democratic to request _____’s tax returns. The measure failed along party lines because, for right now, the GOP loves _____ and will goose-step along with his lies until ...

2018. When We The People vote them out.

Resist.

Speaking of asshat Republicans, this week, out there in Montana, Greg Gianforte—the candidate who choked a reporter for asking a question—was sworn into Congress.

And because, you know, no hard feelings, the Montana Democratic Party sent Gianforte a gift:

“Everyone knows you need plenty of suits to work on Capitol Hill. While millionaire Gianforte can certainly afford his own, we know he has a lot of legal fees to pay. So, we thought we’d help him out and get him started by mailing a new suit to his office in the Longworth House Office Building in Washington. An orange jumpsuit, that is.”

Because Gianforte should be in prison for assault, but in Montana they send you to Congress.

So, _____’s planned visit to the United Kingdom has been cancelled for the foreseeable future and it was the Queen who broke the news.

Leave it to a Queen to ban _____., but, what really happened is that ______ didn’t want to face the huge protests against him and so he is gonna stay home where ... what ... people like him?

Seriously, if he wanted to avoid places where people protest against him ... um, the Moon?

So, I’m’a just lay this out there and let y’all decide if it seems fishy ...

Remember back, last summer, when Liar, er, Speaker of the House Paul Ryan finally endorsed _____ for the Republican nomination? Ryan had been a holdout for many months, questioning whether _____ really was the right man to lead the GOP in the 2016 election, but in June something changed and suddenly Ryan was all _____.

Wha’ happened? Perhaps this ...

Earlier this week Scott Dworkin, the Co-Founder of the The Democratic Coalition Against Trump, revealed some rather interesting documents.

On August 29th, shortly after Ryan publicly endorsed _____, two of _____’s biggest campaign donors, Miriam and Sheldon Adelson, gave ... wait for it ... $20 million to Paul Ryan’s super PAC, Congressional Leadership Fund.

Those two donations represent about 40% of all the donations received by the Congressional Leadership Fund for all of 2016.

Fishy?

What's Goin' On ....

We had a bad storm last night and lost power; we'd been watching coverage of the protests around the country over the shooting deaths of Philando Castile and Alton Sterling. We lost power before hearing about the shooting of eleven police officers — and the deaths of five — in Dallas during what had been a peaceful protest.

I’m kinda glad we lost power; I am tired of the killing.

I am tired that today is the 190th day of the year.

I am tired that, as of today, 566 people have been killed by police officers in this country; that’s nearly three people every day; the majority being Native American or Black.

Today is July 8th; in the first seven days of this month 21 people have been killed by police in July; three every single day.

I am not indicting all police officers; I am indicting those that shoot first and ask questions later … or never ask a question at all.

I am indicting the justice system, and those in law enforcement, who instead of finding answers tend to “circle the wagons” and lay the blame on the victims.

They were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

He shouldn’t have had a gun.

Where is the right place for Black Americans I wonder, if it’s not walking, driving, living, selling CDs, free, and free of the threat of death, in America?

I am indicting the media that, invariably, when a black American is shot and killed by police, look for a mugshot of the victim for the story; but when it’s a white American the media posts a prom picture … a wedding photo … a family picture.

I am asking White America, where is your anger? Are you angry, but internally glad that it wasn’t you, and will probably never be you? Where is the anger? Is it because, like the shooting in Orlando, “they’re” killing all the right people?

Where is the anger from the GOP? Oh, sure, they’ve rallied behind the dead police officers in Dallas — as we all should — but where were they when Alton Sterling was murdered in Baton Rouge? Where’s the anger over the police officers who murdered Alton Sterling and yet, conveniently, lost their body cameras before the shots were fired?

Where were they when Philando Castile was murdered for having a broken taillight? Yes, I know that’s not why he was shot, but it’s what lead to him being shot.

When asked for his license and registration during a routine traffic stop, Philando Castile told the officer he was carrying a licensed concealed handgun and as he reached for his wallet the officer fired into the car at close range four times.

Shouldn’t that make us all angry?

If it doesn’t, head over to The Counted and you can see, every single day, the numbers go up of people who are killed by police officers in this country.

And before you tell me that sometimes there is no other option, I know that; I know that. But not every time … not in the case of Tamir Rice playing in a park … not in the case of Eric Garner, choked to death on the street … not in the case of Sandra Bland … found dead in a holding cell.

Not every time.

And to change we need to start with gun laws; make it tougher for people to get guns because maybe there would have been no snipers in Dallas … maybe a police officer wouldn’t have felt threatened enough to shoot in Falcon Heights … maybe two officers wouldn’t have tackled a man and shot him while he was on the ground in Baton Rouge.

And we need to fix the judicial system which gives harsher, longer sentences to people of color than it does to white Americans. We need to fix our political system which, when people die in this country from senseless gun violence, offer no solutions but “thoughts and prayers” while they cash their NRA donation checks.

We need to fix it.

If we were all truly equal in this country, and if we were all treated truly equally, regardless of skin color, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender or religion, if we are treated one another with the same dignity and respect that we ask for, we’d be in a much better place.

We wouldn’t be burying sons and fathers and brothers and sisters and mothers and aunts and uncles who were shot to death for being ….. ?

The Answer Is: 'Not Yet.' #PhilandoCastile

When will it be enough? I asked that question yesterday — HERE — and this morning I find myself wondering if I'll ever know.

Philando Castile. Say his name.

He worked as a cafeteria supervisor at J.J. Hill Montessori School in St. Paul, Minnesota.

One day he was riding in the passenger seat as his girlfriend, Lavish Reynolds, drove through Falcon Heights.

They were stopped for a broken taillight.

No one really knows what happened next, but Lavish began live streaming on Facebook shortly after Castile was shot while sitting in the passenger seat. I haven’t seen the video; watching people die is not my thing, but here’s what happened:

"Stay with me."

That’s how it starts, with Lavish screaming while Philando Castile sits bleeding to death in her car, her young daughter sitting in the back seat, as she tells viewers she had been pulled over for a "busted taillight in the back."

The officer, yelling and continuing to pint the gun at the dying Philando Castile:

"Fuck! … I told him to get his hand off!” 

Lavish Reynolds, however, is calm and speaking both to the officer and to the viewers:

"He's licensed to carry and was trying to get out his ID and his wallet out his [pocket] and he let the officer know he had a firearm, and he was reaching for his wallet … and the officer just shot him in his arm ... he just shot his arm off.”

As Castile lapsed in and out of consciousness, dying at a traffic stop, the officer grew increasingly hysterical and Reynolds began shouting:

“Oh my God, don’t tell me he’s dead, please don’t tell me my boyfriend just went like that...Please, officer, don’t tell me he’s gone; please don’t tell me that you did this to him. You shot four bullets into him, sir.”

Another officer arrived and asked Lavish Reynolds to step out of the vehicle. She was handcuffed and placed in the backseat of the police cruiser with her child:

“It’s OK. Mommy. I'm right here with you."

Reynolds immediately broke down when the ambulance arrived and removed Philando Castile’s body from the car.

 “Please, Jesus, no! Don’t let him be gone, Lord.”

Philando Castile. Shot to death for riding in a car that was stopped for a traffic violation.

Did he have a gun? Apparently so, but that doesn't mean he should have been shot to death. He had a right to carry his weapon, but that doesn't mean he should have been shot to death.

I truly believe that, had Philando Castile been a white man, in the exact same situation, the result would have been so very different.

No one would be dead.

The Minnesota Bureau of Criminal Apprehension is reportedly investigating the situation.