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Barack Obama, telling us we are right to be concerned about this country:
“Do not wait for the perfect message, don’t wait to feel a tingle in your spine because you’re expecting politicians to be so inspiring and poetic and moving that somehow, ‘OK, I’ll get off my couch after all and go spend the 15-20 minutes it takes for me to vote,’ because that’s part of what happened in the last election. I heard that too much.”
You heard it from our last great president.
Cast.A.Goddmaned.Vote!
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Jon Stewart, returning to The Late Show with Stephen Colbert , and unleashing on _____’s policies:
“Hello, Donald. It’s me, the guy you made sure everyone knew was Jewish on Twitter. I know you’re upset about all the criticism you’ve been taking in the ‘fake news’ and the ‘fake late-night shows.’ It’s just we’re all still having a little trouble adjusting to your presidency as it goes into its … 500th year. Everything’s off its axis, it’s a little unusual. Apparently, Putin and Kim Jong Un are noble, intelligent role models, and Canada’s a bunch of giant assholes. That’s hard to get used to. You’re redoing the post-war alliances, but this time we’re with the axis powers. If there’s one hallmark to your presidency that I think we’re finding most difficult, it’s that, no matter what you do, it always comes with an extra layer of gleeful cruelty and dickishness. It’s not just that you don’t want people taking a knee, it’s that they’re sons of bitches if they do. It’s not just denying women who accuse you of sexual assault, it’s saying they were too ugly anyway. You can’t just be against the media, they’re ‘enemies of the people.’ Which brings us to immigration. Boy, you f**ked that up. It’s the seminal example of the _____ doctrine … Donald, you could have absolutely made a more stringent border policy that would have made your point about enforcement. But I guess it wouldn’t have felt right without a Dickensian level of villainy. You may be orange, you may like hamburgers, you may be a clown, but you are no Ronald McDonald. [So], let’s negotiate for an end to this gratuitous dickishness, what can we give you? You dig the dictator thing. How about a giant building with gold toilets and your name on it? Clearly, we’re not going to be able to negotiate or shame you into decency, but there is one place where I draw the line: I won’t allow you and your sycophants to turn your cruelty into virtue. You know, as the great Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘I am the least racist person you’ve ever met. The blacks, they love me.’ Sorry, that was you. [Lincoln actually said] ‘This and only this: cease to call slavery wrong, and join them in calling it right.’ It was on this point that Lincoln said the Union could not bend. And what _____ wants is for us to stop calling his cruelty and fear and divisiveness wrong, but to join him in calling it right. And this we cannot do. And I say, by not yielding, we will prevail!”
Word.
We.Will.Prevail.
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Darren Criss, on playing gay characters:
“Because that narrative is an interesting narrative. It’s a historically heroic narrative that involves resilient brave people and to be any kind of beacon for that story for any characterization of that element is fucking amazing…Like what a f**king privilege.”
And I imagine the roles are more fabulous!
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Ryan Murphy, Glee, American Horror Story, Pose, The Normal Heart, The People v. O. J. Simpson: American Crime Story, producer/director, receiving VH1’s Trailblazer Award:
“When I was first starting out in this business in the late 1990s, it was not easy for me. I was told not to follow my instinct, to be someone else. I was told I was too weird, I was too faggy, I was too unusual. My mannerisms and my voice were mocked by executives in note meetings … But honestly, it was very painful to be discriminated against because what I wanted to do with my life, with my career, was very simple. And that was to see myself and my experiences on television. Oprah Winfrey speaks very movingly about watching the Academy Awards and seeing herself and what she could possibly be when Sydney Poitier won an Oscar in 1964. As a gay man I never had that experience. I never saw triumphant, or at the very least, complicated gay people or gay characters on television. Where in the movies as a child or as a teenager, they were always marginalized punchlines at best, beaten for who they were most of the time, killed for who they were. I believe strongly in the power of television because I believe in the following: if you see yourself and some part of your human experiences reflected back at yourself, you will not feel alone. And people with hatred and bias in their hearts can often be converted if a character or situation they’re invested in feels like a friend.”
Say what you will about Ryan Murphy, but he has made a conscious effort to bring LGBTQ people to television and film so we can finally see ourselves.
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Collin Martin, a midfielder for Minnesota United, coming out as gay and becoming the only openly gay professional athlete active in any of the five major sports leagues:
“I have been out as a gay man for many years to my family and friends, and this includes my teammates. Today, I’m proud that my entire team and the management of Minnesota United know that I am gay. I have received only kindness and acceptance from everyone in Major League Soccer and that has made my decision to come out publicly much easier. As we celebrate Pride night, I want to thank my teammates for their unconditional support for who I am. In light of my experience as a professional athlete, I want to take this moment to encourage others who play sports professionally or otherwise to have confidence that sport will welcome them wholeheartedly. June is Pride month, and I am proud to be playing for Pride, and to be playing as an out gay man.”
I always say that we are not so proud to be gay, but we are proud to be openly gay, in a world that sometimes wishes we weren’t.
Welcome out, Collin, and please accept, as our gift from HOMO HQ, a copy of the Gay Agenda and The Official Coming Out Toaster Oven™.
Welcome out.
PS He's hot.
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Michelle Wolf, White House Correspondents Dinner firebrand, on the civility debate:
“You have to insult them specifically. ‘You’re a c**t’ doesn’t hurt them. It’s on their vision board. If you see Ivanka on the street, first call her Tiffany. This will devastate her. Then, talk to her in terms she will understand. Say, ‘Ivanka, you’re like vaginal mesh. You were supposed to support women, but now you have blood all over you and you’re the center of a thousand lawsuits.’ … You’re like that birth control pill Yaz. At first it seemed like it’d be really cool and helpful, but you need to be immediately recalled.”
I’m liking the idea.
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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, explaining Democratic socialism:
“I believe that in a modern, moral and wealthy society, no person in America should be too poor to live. What that means to me is healthcare as a human right; it means that every child, no matter where you are born, should have access to a college or trade-school education, if they so choose it. I think that no person should be homeless if we have public structures or public policy to allow for people to have homes and food and lead a dignified life in the United States.”
Is that so wrong?
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