The Funny Papers

Slyngstad, Marty Two Bulls, Nick Anderson, Adam Zyglis, Michael de Adder, Pedro X Molina, Daniel Boris, Trevor Irvin, Ed Wexler, RJ Matson, Jack Ohman, Lalo Alcaraz,

Bobservations

The other night Carlos nodded off in the evening and began snoring … like a chain saw … so loud that Rosita jumped from his lap and went to the back of the house … so rough that his head was vibrating like the couch came with an electric massage option … and when I said:

“Sweetie pie, go to bed. You’re snoring.”

And he said:

“I wasn’t asleep.”

Seriously.

This Tuxedo Says is from October 2020 … If you were looking for a good reason to vote, Tuxedo says you should think of it like this:

I have recently learned that crows can hold a grudge against a person for over 17 years and I have officially found my spirit animal.

Oh, and this is my bird call … and, yes, that’s the little dance I do.

The other day at The Adventures of Travel Penguin and he was discussing foods from his recent trip across the pond, specifically Haggis. I replied that I might try Haggis and then call it done, but it got me to thinking about trying new things so I asked people at work and they were less than enthused. Not one would try Haggis, or Sushi, or Offal, or Raw Oysters, and I berated them … politely … saying you should try something at least one before saying never, and a co-worker asked me:

“So, then you've had had sex with a woman?”

“Nope. There are times when you just know.”

I mean, as I like to say, the last time I was near a vagina I was being born, but that’s just me.

Apparently there’s a new word cruising the halls of DC and one reporter dared to use the word at The Felon’s press conference when she asked him about TACO … Trump Always Chickens Out. You know, because the tariffs are on, the tariffs are off; the tariffs are 150%, the tariffs are 50% ...

And the bloated gasbag had a fit and gargled and bubbled and stumbled over his word … singular … but did manage to confuse tariff with tax.

TACO.

Of note, Harvard has never been shut down for fraud, but The Felon’s eponymous university? Yeah, not so much.

First Lady and nude model, Melanie, is using AI to record the audio version of the book she wrote plagiarized:

“I am honored to bring you Melania—The  AI Audiobook—narrated entirely using artificial intelligence in my own voice.”

When I think of Melanie I do think “artificial” but I never think “intelligence.”

I love me some Kelly Clarkson because the girl can saaaaang … and can sing almost any genre. Still I was stunned when she trotted out this macabre and dark take on ‘If I Only Had a Brain’ from The Wizard of Oz.

Brilliant.

Ryan Ball is a model … that’s all I can find … but he looks good in clothes and out of clothes so, Would You Hit It?

The Funny Papers

Marc Murphy, Nick Anderson, Trevor Irvin, Mike Luckovich, Jesse Duquette, Lalo Alcaraz,  Ann Telnaes, Pedro X Molina, JD Crowe, Max Espinoza, Adam Zyglis, Bill Bramhall, Gary Huck

Ain't That America III

Well, what a week or so it's been in America; another shooting by another MAGAt; Karoline Leavitt proves she’s no Christian; RFK Jr shows us he still doesn’t have a clue; the new regime lies to fired employees and ends their healthcare; ICE arrested another citizen; Nancy Mace once again shows her true hate-filled, lying, victim colors; but the resistance shows up in Cory Booker, Massachusetts representatives, Harvard resists, the Wall Street Journal of all places stands against The Felon, a trio of Democrat governors, along with another protest against fascism.

In case you’re keeping score the Florida State University shooter has been identified and is …

—Not a Drag Queen

—Not Transgender

—Not an Immigrant

—Not Woke

—Not DEI

But just a white, homegrown MAGAt cult member and Felon supporter.

If you still need any proof that this White House is a viper’s nest of faux-christian hate and nastiness just read what Spokesperson, Karoline Leavitt, AKA BullShit Barbie 2.0 said about Kilmar Abrego Garcia:

“Nothing will change the fact that Garcia will never be a Maryland father… The Supreme Court ruled unanimously that the p[resident of the United States and secretary of state cannot be compelled to forcibly retrieve this citizen of El Salvador.” 

Here's a fact for this lying POS: The United States Supreme Court issued a unanimous ruling ordering The Felon’s Regime to facilitate the return of Garci and they are refusing to comply.

As Felon’s and the Goose-steppers who support are apt to do.

Health Secretary and heroin addict Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s purge of tens of thousands of federal workers has halted efforts to collect data on everything from cancer rates in firefighters to mother-to-baby transmission of HIV and syphilis to outbreaks of drug-resistant gonorrhea to cases of carbon monoxide poisoning putting efforts to solve those problems in jeopardy.

But, hey, is it’s just poor people who can’t afford health care dying, then it’s okay with The Felon’s Regime.

Probationary workers who were re-fired this month from the Commerce Department say their health insurance is being terminated earlier than they expected.

The workers were told their health insurance would run into May but received notices this week that the department is backdating their termination to an earlier date, meaning the health insurance ran out last week.

At a time when The Felon is bragging about how investors have made millions, even billions, off recent swings in the stock market, this regime is showing its cruelty and inhumanity to fired NOAA employees.

And if it can happen to them …

In Arizona 19-year-old Jose Hermosillo, who was visiting Tucson from Albuquerque, says he was lost and walking near the Border Patrol headquarters on April 8 when an agent arrested him for illegally entering the country.

Hermosillo was not carrying identification and court documents say a Border Patrol agent arrested Hermosillo “at or near Nogales, Arizona, without proper immigration documents” and that Hermosillo admitted to illegally entering the U.S. Hermosillo says he has never been to Nogales.

Friends and family members made numerous calls looking for him before they found out he was being detained in the Florence Correctional Center, which ICE uses to detain people. Another family member drove to the detention center, about 70 miles northwest of Tucson, but said officials wouldn’t provide any information or release him.

A magistrate judge in Tucson dismissed Hermosillo’s case late last week.

If it can happen to him …

The GOP’s lying Representative from South Carolina, Nancy Mace posted a video on social media blasting the “evil” voters who call her office to complain; I believe these are actually called constituents, AKA the people who elected her to office and those she ALLEGEDLY represents. Hundreds of people have called Mace after she ditched a town hall meeting last month organized by the Lowcountry Accountability Alliance in South Carolina because she said it was unsafe for her to attend.

And then Nancy Mace, who lives for social media clicks, posted a video yesterday by Mace where she repeatedly tells a constituent whom she decides is gay to “fuck off” and “go fuck yourself” because he asked why she isn’t holding any town halls.

At one point she tells him, “by the way, I voted for gay marriage twice.” But you’ll note that in her post she also mocks him for wearing what she calls “daisy dukes.”

This is the GOP; if you ask them a question they tell you to fuck off.

Cory Booker, Democrat Senator from New Jersey, wants Congress to hold hearings and defended Democratic lawmakers’ calls for investigations into any possibility of insider trading after The Felon encouraged people to buy stocks before reversing his tariff policy last week.

Democrats began questioning whether anyone traded improperly after The Felon said on social media that “this is a great time to buy” when stocks were slumping after his idiotic tariff rollout and then, just hours later, announced that most of the steep tariffs would be temporarily reduced, sending the stock market shooting up.

His rich friends and his fellow GOP criminals are getting rich with the rest of the country suffers.

A new legislative push led by Elizabeth Warren and Melanie Stansbury, Massachusetts Democrat Senator and Representative, is seeking to bar Felon advisor Leon Skum from communicating with government agencies that interface with their companies and would require federal employees like Skum to meet new ethics requirements; hell, meet any ethics requirements.

The bill, titled the SGE Ethics Enforcement & Reform Act of 2025, would create what the lawmakers are calling a “bright-line rule” that makes new provisions explicitly applicable to owners of a “large company,” which the bill defines as any for-profit company making over $1 billion.

Harvard University has rejected policy changes requested by The Felon Regime that would have placed “unprecedented” demands on the institution.

The Felon had demanded that Harvard reduce the power of students and faculty members over the university’s affairs; report foreign students who commit conduct violations immediately to federal authorities; and bring in an outside party to ensure that each academic department is “viewpoint diverse,” among other steps. Alan Garber, Harvard’s president, responded:

“No government—regardless of which party is in power—should dictate what private universities can teach, whom they can admit and hire, and which areas of study and inquiry they can pursue.”

This is the Resistance.

The conservative Wall Street Journal stunned MAGAts with a scathing editorial of their Dear Leader in defense of Federal Reserve Chair Jerome Powell—who The Felon wants to "terminate" for disobedience:

"The problem for [The Felon] is that Mr. Powell spoke the truth. The main lesson from [The Felon] vs. Powell is that the central bank can’t make up for the economic policy errors of politicians."

The Felon’s meltdown was prompted by Powell stating that the "level of the tariff increases announced so far is significantly larger than anticipated." The Fed is tasked with promoting full employment while managing inflation but these tariffs are raising inflation because the import duties are passed on to consumers and companies are laying off workers to make up for lost profits.

The Felon is inept and ill-equipped to run a business much less a country.

In Wisconsin, Democrat Governor Tony Evers has successfully increased school funding in the state for the next four hundred years by crossing out a few numbers on the bill to change it from “2024-2025” to “2425.”

And the state Supreme Court upheld his right to do so.

In Pennsylvania, Democrat Governor Josh Shapiro  is taking legal action against The Felon Regime which had revoked $185 million that was owed to PA schools.

In New Mexico, Democrat Governor Lujan Grisham signed into law new funding to help the state combat the climate crisis, something The Felon Regime and the GOP do not comprehend.

This past weekend, from Wyoming to Washington and Mississippi to Manhattan, protesters at hundreds of rallies in small towns and big cities gathered to The Felon’s sweeping policy moves, the second day of mass action this month as opposition to the administration continued to coalesce.

The more than 700 planned events were part of the “50501” movement, a decentralized campaign that got its name from a Feb. 5 push for “50 protests in 50 states on 1 day.”

That effort led to anti-Trump protests at state capitol buildings across the nation. Hunter Dunn, a spokesperson for 50501, described the group as a “pro-democracy, pro-Constitution, anti-executive-overreach, nonviolent grassroots movement.”

Saturday’s demonstrations — on the 250th anniversary of the start of the American Revolutionary War — came two weeks after the April 5 “Hands Off” rallies, which drew millions across the country in the largest single-day protest of Trump’s second term.

And for this 93-year-old woman it was her first protest …