I Didn't Say It ...

Tim Gunn, on what he might say and do to Miley Cyrus:

“I don’t think I would say anything to her, I think I would haul off and give her a great big bitch slap. She needs to be shocked into listening.”

In these days of uncertainty, of government shutdowns and ceiling debts, when I feel down, I picture Tim Gunn bitchslapping Miley and I find myself smiling.

Just sayin’.

Samuel Wurzelbacher, AKA Joe the Plumber, AKA Not Joe, AKA Not A Plumber, on Republicans and racism:

"Wanting a white Republican president doesn’t make you racist, it just makes you American. In the pre-black president era, criticizing the president was simply the American thing to do. An exercise of one’s First Amendment right. Criticism had nothing to do with color, because there had never been a black president, or at least one whom people recognized as black. So to criticize the president meant that you didn’t like his policies. The election of a recognized black president was not supposed to change anything. In fact, it was supposed to (1) ease any perceived racial tensions, and (2) allow the government to focus on legislating without race. So America would be more free than ever to discuss the issues. Not the case. And that is why having a white Republican president is best for the country."

Except, Joe, you clinking clanking clacking collection of caliginous junk, when people like you discuss Obama you bring race to the table.

When people like Democrats discuss politics we don’t add race to it.

Mikhail Baryshnikov, on Russia’s discrimination and persecution of LGBT people:

"My life has been immensely enriched by gay mentors, colleagues and friends and any discrimination and persecution of gay people is unacceptable. Equal treatment of people is a basic right and it is sad that we still have to even speak about this in [the] 21st century. I salute NO MORE FEAR foundation for stepping in so quickly to provide the much necessary assistance to gay and lesbian people who are fleeing prosecution and help them lead a proud life in their new country."

Glad to see Baryshnikov standing up, though he doesn’t mention Russia directly. The fact that he’s Russian and speaking out is a major step.

Pat Robertson, on the GOP:

"The Republicans have got to wave the white flag and say, ‘We fought a good fight and now it’s over.' They cannot shut the government down and then bring about a default. We can’t do it. I mean, it would be devastating economically to every human being and the Republicans just can’t get tarred with that. So they tried and if they go to the electorate and say, ‘We tried, Obamacare was awful, we tried to get it underway and we weren’t successful, the Democrats wanted it, they fought for it and they wouldn’t let go so it’s their bill, their program.'"

Looks like someone slapped some sense in Robertson, at least for the moment. I’m sure The Crazy will reappear.

Lee Pearson, a 10-times paralympic games gold medalist, speaking out about Russian intolerance and violence toward LGBT citizens:

"I don't care if it means I go to prison. In some respects I hope I do because then the Prime Minister and my country would have to get involved and that would add to the embarrassment for Russia. Those calling for a boycott don't understand that the Olympics and Paralympics could be the one chance these sportsmen and women have to achieve their goals. Yes, they can be sympathetic towards our cause but their first goal must be to do their best. I say to Stephen, Rupert and all those backing a boycott that Sochi is going to happen whatever they say and they should join me so our collective message to Russia is stronger. It's much more powerful to be there than not...But the bigger reason for not boycotting Sochi is that you'd simply be putting your head in the sand. Isn't it much better to educate Russians and shed more light on the legislation both in Russia and worldwide? It is shocking. It's like Germany in the Thirties. We shouldn't ignore this."

Word.

Tommy Christopher, Mediaite reporter, at a White House briefing led by Jay Carney, on Obamacare:

"First of all, I don’t if you’re aware of this, but when I had a heart attack three years ago, I was uninsured, and I haven’t been able to get insurance ever since then. Listening to all the pressure on the president to negotiate, a lot of it from inside this room, it made me think, is there a chance the president would be willing to delay Obamacare for a year if Republicans were to agree to delay heart attacks for a year?"

Just another reason why Obamacare must stand.

Jay Carney, responding to Tommy Christopher:

"Tommy, you know the president’s position is that we need to implement the Affordable Care Act, and that when it comes to the millions of Americans across the country who have had a very hard time getting access to affordable health insurance, we need to focus on those folks and continue the business of implementing the Affordable Care Act so that on Jan. 1 those Americans will be able to purchase insurance, quality insurance at affordable rates for the first time."

Simple. Simply simple you’d think even a Teabagger could understand it.

Rielle Hunter, apologizing for f**king a married man:

“I behaved badly. That may seem obvious to you but it’s taken me a long time to admit that, even to myself. For years I was so viciously attacked by the media and the world that I felt like a victim. I now realize that the attacks are actually beside the point. The point is: I behaved badly. I am very sorry for my wrong, selfish behavior.”

Thanks.

Now go away and never speak of this, or anything, publicly again.

Martha Stewart, throwing shade at Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP:

“I haven’t eaten at Gwyneth’s house and I’ve never seen how she lives. But if she’s authentic, all the better. And I certainly hope she is. She really wants to be part of the lifestyle business. Gwyneth, for example, has a book on the bestseller list. She must be doing something right. She’s a charming, pretty person um who um has a feeling for lifestyle. She wants to be a lifestyle arbiter, fine. Good. I think I started this whole category of lifestyle.”

Watch your step, Gwynnie. Martha’s been in prison and she ain’t playin’.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.........

Friends hasbeen, I mean, actor David Schwimmer is engaged.
At 43-years-old the former Friends star has found the love of his life in 24-year-old Zoe Buckman, whom he met when he picked her up at day camp in 1998.
I jest.
He allegedly met Buckman in 2007, when he was making his directorial debut, Run Fatboy Run. Back then, she was just another nubile twenty-one-year old and he was just another geezer preparing for his first, post-forty, prostate exam.
How.Romantic.

Demi Moore.
Remember her?
It seems like just yesterday when, at aged 84, she married a twelve-year-old Ashton Kutcher.
I kid.
But apparently Demi, the original cougar, doesn't like the word "cougar."
Go figure.
She says, "'Cougar' has become so distasteful. I really hate that expression. 'Puma' has a sweeter quality, more elegant."
Oh, Demi, I have a better word for you: hasbeen.
Try on "career over".
How do you like that?

It's gettin' hot in the kitchen with Paula Deen, y'all.
She was asked to do something called the Celebrity Chefs Tour, where she would give live cooking demonstrations in several cities, but when the $150,000 advance check she was given by promoters bounced, so did Paula.
But she's not through.
The tour people are playing the bitch card, saying Paula just walked away for no reason, and Paula is suing mad. She wants a $130,000 for each event she was to do, and, well, she also wants $1 million dollars for defamation.
That's a lot of biscuits'n'gravy.


I've tried to stay away from the Rielle Hunter-Johnny Edwards-Elizabeth Edwards trifecta of dysfunction, but this is just too funny to pass up.
Rielle did an interview with GQ to talk about how she isn't a whore and a stalker and a husband stealer, and how Elizabeth is really Elizabitch. Rielle told her story and then posed for pictures.
They gave her a man's shirt and no pants. No.Pants. And she posed in them. But now, and this is rich, Rielle is upset because she had no idea they would use the pictures of her without the pants, spread out on a child's bed, surrounded by stuffed animals.
Really? Rielle? What an idiot!
Now, GQ is fighting back, releasing videotaped footage of the photoshoot where Rielle is asked to look at the pants-less pics, and gives her approval! GQ reporter, Lisa DePaulo says, "Did she say she thought they would be headshots? Rielle is a smart woman. She knows what she wore and what she was doing in the photo shoot."
Rielle is a photographer and photo-journalist, but she don't know nothing 'bout taking no pitchers.

And, of course, more Charlie Sheen news.
The alleged drug-addict-wife-beating-alcoholic has enlisted the aid of a, ahem, "sober" coach to keep him away from the booze while he's on the set. No mention of whether or not there is a "crack coach" or a "porn coach".
According to a source, “Charlie wants to get clean. He’s got his demons and he knows it. But he’s doing everything he can right now.”
No, he wants to keep his fat white ass out of jail. And, when you consider that he apparently had a "sober coach" around when he went on a drunken rage last Christmas and allegedly pulled a knife on his wife, well, you wonder how much good the coaching will do. I mean, in Charlie's world, a "sober coach" is someone who tells him how to make a great dirty martini.

Looks like Paula Abdul may have a new job.
After leaving the judging seat on American Idol, and floating around in a stupor, Paula has been approached to sit at the judges table, or maybe even host, a reboot of Star Search.
From whacked out judge to whacked out judge. Not so much as a step up as a step over.
The new Star Search is supposedly set to debut this summer, would not allow Paula to work on Simon Cowell's Americanized The X Factor show.
But, Paula as a host? Who's gonna prop her up when her arms start going all willy-nilly, and will there be a translator on set to tell the audience what she said?

Allegedly, Kate Gosselin is a giant bitch media whore. And, judging by the photo, a little "rode hard and put away wet".
Well, others used the words “total diva” but I like mine.
Everyone on the set of Dancing With the Stars, from cast members, hired dancers, judges, stage-hands, the band, studio audience, and janitorial assistants hate her.
Poor Kate. All she wants to do is be a mother for her eight children while appearing on every single TV show she can and spending as much time away from her kids as possible.
The gossipmill is churning out news that she’s snubbing other cast members and being demanding to the crew. From an 'insider': “Kate doesn’t want anything to do with other contestants . . . While there’s a lot of camaraderie among the crew and other stars including Pamela Anderson, Kate has set herself apart . . . She wants to be queen bee.”
Yeah, Kate, you don't wanna be snubbin' Shannen Doherty. She'll cut a bitch. I know, because, well, let's just say, once, outside the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, I met up with a drunken, knife-wielding Doherty, and a bitch was cut.
I have the scars to prove it.

Oprah's getting sued again.
No, not by the beef folks. And not by the cake folks. And not by the diet folks.
She is being sued by Nomvuyo Mzamane, who was the former headmistress of Oprah's South African school. She was dismissed from her position when she was charged for abusing the students.
Nomvuyo says the charges are lies and occurred only when the Big O defamed her during a press conference back in 2007.A judge has ruled that there is sufficient evidence to make O put down the snack cakes, have her dressers dress her, her hair and make-up people primp and prune her, her driver take her to the airport so she can board her private plane, loaded with snack cakes, and fly to Philadelphia to appear in court.
I see a mad run on Philly Cheese Steaks. Get 'em while you can. Oprah will hit town on the 29th.
Consider yourselves warned.