Why Is It ...

… that I need 10 incomes for the lifestyle I have in my head.

… that people who abhor swearing get angry with me because I can formulate an intelligent sentence and still throw a motherfucker in just for the Hell of it. Learn to juggle people.

… that people don’t get it when I say I can’t go out because the cats expect me home at a certain hour.

… that you may call them ‘Red Flags’ but I call them Ten Fun Facts you don’t know about me.

… that my car will be on Empty and I’ll drive past 4 gas stations and just go home.

… that I always see adults pour a glass of wine and fill it only halfway and I think, ‘One of us is doing this wrong and I think it’s you.’

… that holding back my sarcastic replies takes nearly all my inner strength.

… that I’ve been feeling a little moody and run down lately, so I looked up my symptoms online. It’s adulthood … I have adulthood.

… that when people wonder if I can be any more annoying, I always say, “Oh god, yes!”

… that they say right before you die your life flashes before your eyes. If that’s true, I hope it includes the blackouts because that would be like bonus footage and deleted scenes on a DVD.

Bobservations

Last week _____ unveiled the new logo for the “Space Force”, the recently formed sixth branch of the Armed Forces; the Draft Dodger said:

“After consultation with our Great Military Leaders, designers, and others, I am pleased to present the new logo for the United States Space Force, the Sixth Branch of our Magnificent Military!”

Many people noticed that the Space Force logo looks very similar to that of Star Trek’s Starfleet Command but … one person pointed out that the Starfleet logo is actually based on the Space Force logo because Starfleet won’t be founded until 2130.

Think on that.

In another case of this country becoming the land of hate of poor people, poor people of color, last week SCOTUS gave the go-ahead for one of _____’s hardline immigration policies.

Now this country—whose Statue of Liberty says, “Give me your tired, your poor …”—will now implement a rule denying legal permanent residency to certain immigrants—the brown ones, I’m guessing—that are deemed likely to require government assistance in the future.

Only the wealthy need come in. America, as we knew it, as it has been for over two hundred years, is over.

If you need me, I’ll be in California, snorkeling …

Last week, at the Rodney Strong vineyards in Sonoma County, a “blending tank door”  popped open and spilled :::gasp::: 97,112 gallons of red wine spilled into the nearby Russian River.

I’ll be gone all week until that spill is completely cleaned up!

Martina Navratilova and John McEnroe have been reprimanded by Tennis Australian after staging an on-court protest at the Australian Open calling for the Margaret Court Arena to be renamed.

The tennis legends strode across the court this week carrying a banner bearing the words 'Evonne Goolagong Arena', in recognition of the Australian ex-player. The pair want the arena’s named changed because Margaret Court, while a legend, is also virulently anti-LGBTQ+.

Navratilova and McEnroe's protest came one day after Tennis Australia commemorated the 50th anniversary of Court's calendar Grand Slam.

But she was a hate-filled bigot then, and remains so today. It’s time her name was scrubbed from the arena.

Just this week, at a rally in New Jersey, _____crowed:

“The money is won. And we are now building that beautiful wall. This powerful border wall is going up at record speed, and we just reached over 100 miles of wall. And next year we’ll be over 400 miles. And shortly thereafter it will be complete.”

Mere hours later a section of that powerful wall—not a new section but a replacement section—fell over in 37 mph winds; trees next to the wall have kept it from falling over entirely.

It’s like the wall is as flimsy as _____’s impeachment defense.

Demi Lovato released the song Sober in June 2018, and in it, she admitted to tumbling off the wagon after six years of sobriety. One month later, Demi overdosed. Demi spent some time getting treatment in rehab, and since she’s gotten out, she’s laid low career-wise.

But at last week’s Grammys she gave the performance of the night with a song called Anyone that she wrote just four days before that overdose. It’s painful, and yet the message should be heard.

“Anyone, please send me anyone

Lord, is there anyone? I need someone

Anyone, please send me anyone

Lord, is there anyone? I need someone.”

Listen.

Hot male model Taylor Phillips. Dressed or undressed. Jeans or long johns.

Undressed, I think.

And limber.

Random Musings

Arizona Governor, Jan “Eva Braun” Brewer has signed an elections bill that basically wipes out Libertarian and other third-party candidates, because it requires that they collect a practically unattainable number of signatures to be placed on the ballot in Arizona. For example, Green Party candidates would actually have to collect more signatures than they have party members.

That’s Jan Brewer, effectively saying that certain people in Arizona do not have the right to run for office. Maybe she’s less Eva and more Adolf?

I think everyone has a doppelganger—German for look-alike—and some people try make themselves look like someone else. I mean, women have done the Farrah hairstyle, and then the Rachel; people dress like celebrities, change their makeup like celebrities, but for most of us, it’s just a thang.

Not so for one Nicholas Ryan, a 32-year-old aspiring actor from New Jersey, who has undergone extensive cosmetic procedures so he can look like Ryan Gosling. In a two hour surgery, he underwent $5,000 worth of Botox and filler injections to make his face look like Gosling. His temples were filled out, his brow was Botoxed; his cheeks were injected with fillers to make them less hollow; his laugh lines were filled, too. And his entire jaw was rebuilt. He hopes the procedures will help him hit the big time in Hollywood—as well as make him a hit with the ladies.

Um, Nicholas? One thing, hon? If a movie producer or director wants Ryan Gosling, wouldn’t they just hire Ryan Gosling? Especially given that even after the 5K you spent, you don’t even look like Ryan’s long lost cousin, Jaime Gosling.

I like this story.

The mayor of Vicco, Kentucky, Johnny Cummings, has won special recognition from the state's Commission on Human Rights.

The commission said it honored Cummings with the Kentucky Unbridled Spirit for Justice Award for his efforts to create local LGBT civil-rights protections in his community. Vicco gained national fame last winter for adopting an LGBT-rights ordinance. Vicco is the fourth Kentucky community to pass an LGBT-rights ordinance and the first rural town to do so.

Way to go, Vicco, and way to go Mayor Cummings.

James Gandolfini died yesterday and the whole world seems to have come to a stop.

Now, I have nothing against Gandolfini, and am sorry for his family having to endure the death of a husband and father, but this is the big news story this morning?

Wildfires are taking people’s homes out West and we’re gonna spend fifteen minutes on GMA sitting in a New Jersey diner talking about an actor who passed away?

If you’ve ever wondered why we get nothing done in this country, it’s because we come to a halt when a TV actor dies, but keep on moving when people lose their homes.

Just sayin’. And before anyone gets all pissy about me denigrating this actor, let me say again, I’m sorry to his family for their loss, but this is not, and should not be, the big news story of the day.

Proponents of marriage equality have a new victory to toast with more and more wineries coming out in support of the cause.

Stein Family Wines, for example, will donate $1 to the nonprofit Freedom to Marry for every purchase of its wonderfully named Same-Sex Meritage, a Bordeaux-style red that blends notes of advocacy with a witty title. 

Stand Tall Wine Co. donates 1% of its proceeds of the sales of its Generic Pinot Noir to the Napa LGBTQ Project, while one of the largest labels, Barefoot Wine & Bubble, has been donating to LGBT organizations for 25 years.

Biogio Cry & Estate Wines, a New York-based company, has created Égalité, a sparkling wine from Burgundy whose name translates to “Equality” and has pledged $1,000 donations  to groups like GLSEN [Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network], the Trevor Project, and the Ali Forney Center, and hopes that same-sex brides and grooms will raise a glass of their bubbly at their weddings.

And many wineries are also creating special weekend visits for the LGBT community. Out in the Vineyard, a company that curates wine events for LGBT travelers, is hosting the Gay Wine Weekend 2013 where visitors will have the opportunity to celebrate Pride Month with tastings and tours of 10 of the leading vineyards of the Sonoma Valley, with proceeds benefiting the Face-to-Face AIDS Project.

Wine and LGBT rights. It's a good blend.

I like me some Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

In addition to making some rather interesting movie choices--from 50/50 to Inception to Batman to Looper to Premium Rush--he is also quite a handsome lad.

Just sayin'.

And this one kills me …. Down there in Texas, Congressman, and rabidly anti-LGBT Republican—it kinda goes hand-in-hand in Texas—Ralph Hall showed up at an event last week, mingling with other guests, making small talk, enjoying the food and drink. But, apparently, Hall had no idea it was an LGBT event for the Victory Fund.

As Astro might say, Ruh roh.

Hall and his staffers were under the impression that they were attending an event for a fellow congressman, an event scheduled for that same day but in a different location. After being welcomed into the event and offered refreshments, Hall inquired about the congressman whom he was there to support and after being told it was a Big Old Queer Party, Hall quickly made his exit, presumably after using the men’s room to wash off The Gay.

Good news …. Four-time Olympic gold medalist and LGBT activist Greg Louganis is getting married to Johnny Chaillot, his longtime partner.

"I finally met my soul mate – the more I fall in love with Johnny, the more I fall in love with myself. This is what the universe had in store for both of us."—Greg Louganis

Congrats to both of them!

Just because ..... Joe Manganiello on a raft, in a pool is what I would call a wet dream in every sense of the word.

Again .... Just sayin'.

Paula Deen is being sued by Lisa Jackson, a former manager of one of her restaurants, who claims Deen’s brother, Bubba—and I’m’a just leave that there—Hiers sexually assaulted her, but since the release of Deen’s deposition that case has become all about Deen’s use of the n-word.

Deen doesn’t deny these allegations at all, and was very open about her use of the n word and dressing waiters as slaves in plantation-themed restaurants. Here are some excerpts of her deposition from The Huffington Post:

Paula Deen on her use of the n-word:

Lawyer: Have you ever used the N-word yourself?

Deen: Yes, of course.

Lawyer: Okay. In what context?

Deen: Well, it was probably when a black man burst into the bank that I was working at and put a gun to my head.

Lawyer: Okay. Well, did you use the N-word to him as he pointed a gun in your head at your face?

Deen: Absolutely not.

Lawyer: Well, then, when did you use it?

Deen: Probably in telling my husband.

Lawyer: Okay. Have you used it since then?

Deen: I’m sure I have, but it’s been a very long time. Paula Deen on her brother sexually assaulting a woman:

Lawyer: Are you aware of Mr. Hiers admitting that he engaged in racially and sexually inappropriate behavior in the workplace?

Deen: I guess.

Lawyer: Okay. Well, have you done anything about what you heard him admit to doing?

Deen: My brother and I have had conversations. My brother is not a bad person. Do humans behave inappropriately? At times, yes. I don’t know one person that has not. My brother is a good man. Have we told jokes? Have we said things that we should not have said, that — yes, we all have. We all have done that, every one of us.

Paula Deen on a plantation-style wedding for her brother:

Lawyer: Do you recall using the words “really southern plantation wedding”?

Deen: Yes, I did say I would love for Bubba to experience a very southern style wedding, and we did that. We did that.

Lawyer: Okay. You would love for him to experience a southern style plantation wedding?

Deen: Yes.

Lawyer: That’s what you said?

Deen: Well, something like that, yes. And -–

Lawyer: Is there any possibility, in your mind, that you slipped and used the word “n—-r”?

Deen: No, because that’s not what these men were. They were professional black men doing a fabulous job.

Lawyer: Why did that make it a -– if you would have had servers like that, why would that have made it a really southern plantation wedding?

Deen: Well, it –- to me, of course I’m old but I ain’t that old, I didn’t live back in those days but I’ve seen the pictures, and the pictures that I’ve seen, that restaurant represented a certain era in America.

Lawyer: Okay. What era in America are you referring to?

Deen: Well, I don’t know. After the Civil War, during the Civil War, before the Civil War.

Lawyer: Right. Back in an era where there were middle-aged black men waiting on white people.

Deen: Well, it was not only black men, it was black women.

Lawyer: Sure. And before the Civil War –- before the Civil War, those black men and women who were waiting on white people were slaves, right?

Deen: Yes, I would say that they were slaves.

Lawyer: Okay.

Deen: But I did not mean anything derogatory by saying that I loved their look and their professionalism.

Lawyer: And when you described it [the restaurant] to Miss Jackson [...] Do you know what word you used to identify their race? [...] Black or African-American?

Deen: Black. I would use the word black. I don’t usually use African-Americans. I try to go along with whatever the black race is wanting to call themselves at each given time.

Wow. She just digs in deeper.

Now I get that times have changed, and they certainly have since Paula Deen was a child, but her use of the n-word today is quite upsetting. And her notion that the ‘black waiters doing a fabulous job’ don’t count as an n-word, is equally troubling.

And this last line of hers, “I try to go along with whatever the black race is wanting to call themselves at each given time” is the most troubling of all.

Now, does her use of the n-word, or her backwards, moronic, racially-tinged opinions have anything to do with the case? Not really. If Deen has used, and continues to use, racist epithets, it has no bearing on whether or not her brother sexually assaulted one of her managers, but it does give us a glimpse into the mind of Paula Deen, and that doesn’t look very pretty.

Y'all know I ain't no fan of Find-Em-Date-Em-Dump-Em-Write-A-Song-About-Em Taylor Swift, but I gotta give the old gal props for her Tweet this week after the birth of Reality Show Whore and Egotistical Rapper's spawn:

This'n'That

Was that the longest weekend or what?

I feel like it's been ages since I've been at work--not that I'm complaining--and am relishing the idea of a shortened work week ahead. Hoo--followedquickyby--Ray!

I had a lovely talk with my sister this weekend. She underwent her first round of chemo last week, without that nausea, though with a bit of fatigue. But, I will say this, she has an undeniable spirit, though she knows what lies ahead, and an extreme amount of positive energy coming at her from all directions. So, whatever the future holds for her, at this minute, it all seems very bright and very positive and that’s all any of us can do, is to live now and not later and not before.

Carlos and I went to see the new Star Trek Into Darkness this weekend. What a great rollercoaster ride. Sure, there were a lot of special effects, but there was also story, and some real laughs. I grew up with these characters so the reboot I especially like because they aren’t drastically changing everything.

One thing I would change? Bring a muzzle next time to put on Carlos. Seriously, I love the previews almost as much as I love the movie, and while the previews were playing--after about thirty or forty ads asking folks to be quiet and silence their cell phones--Carlos muttered, well, nearly shouted, 'How many commercials before we see the movie?'

I almost sent him into a time-out.

Jody Arias.

End the trial already. Put her in prison for life without parole ad stop wasting taxpayer money with the empanelling of a new jury and more dollars and more time wasted.

She did it. She said she did it. She was found guilty. Lock her up, throw away the key, and then also cancel her Twitter account. I'd prefer never to see or hear, or hear of her, again.

You all know that I loves me some gossip, and I loves to make fun of those so-called celebrities. But, I have had some questions and requests about why I don't talk about Amanda Bynes anymore. Here's the deal:

I think she has mental issues, and that's not funny.

I think she has problems with drugs and that’s not funny.

So, though I have gossiped about her before, when it became clear, after her move to New York and subsequent antics, that she is not all right, I won't be gossiping about her.

But, you say, Bob, you have no problem going on and on, and some say on, about Lohan. Well, here's that deal:

Lindsay is a criminal.

She kidnapped a woman.

She stole a necklace.

She has taken clothes from fashion shoots and TV shows and continues to do so.

She has rehabbed seven times and fallen off the wagon six times.

Plus, unlike Bynes, Lindsay seems to be all there, and takes absolutely no responsibility for anything she does. There is always an excuse and always a side-step. So, I will continue featuring Lohan because Lohan will continue to be a screw-up.

The weekend was lovely in Smallville, with Monday being the hottest day, and it was just 85-degrees. So, of course, there was yard work, with leaves being raked, and raked, and raked again, onto the front lawn and then mulched up by the new riding mower. I filled six 75-gallon bags of mulched leaves, and will probably do another six, or more, this next weekend.

While I was on lawn and leaf patrol, Carlos was on gutter duty. We bought some of those sponge-thingies that you line the gutters with and they really keep the leaves and twigs and pine needles out of the gutters, while still allowing rain water to be captured.

Still, the gutter need to be brushed off every so often, but it's still a lot less dirty and time-consuming than cleaning those %@&$ing things out!

To reward ourselves, we grilled out both Sunday and Monday, with chicken, grilled veggies and black-bean-and-pasts salad both nights, and a gorgeous, g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s bottle of El Gran Pensado Albarinho from Spain. I will be keeping that label because I need to buy that wine by the truckload. It's a perfect crisp, but peachy wine, just fine for a summer day's sipping.

And here's a little something my Dad sent my way:

Psychology 101

If you start with a cage containing 5 monkeys and inside the cage, hang a banana on a string from the top and place a set of stairs under the banana, before long a monkey will go to the stairs and climb toward the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, you spray all the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while another monkey makes an attempt with same result ... all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one.

The new monkey sees the banana and attempts to climb the stairs. To his shock, all of the other monkeys beat the crap out of him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys, replacing it with a new one.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment...... with enthusiasm, because he is now part of the "team".

Then, replace a third original monkey with a new one, followed by the fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Now, the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs. Neither do they know why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

Finally, having replaced all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys will have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, not one of the monkeys will try to climb the stairway for the banana.

Why, you ask? Because in their minds...that is the way it has always been! This, my friends, is how Congress operates... and this is why, from time to time:

ALL of the monkeys need to be REPLACED AT THE SAME TIME.

Now, how was your weekend?