It's Snarkurday!

You can’t keep a cougar down … Rumer, er, rumor has it that 55-year-old Demi Moore, who never met a young man she didn’t have to have, is shacking up with 25-year-old Nick Jonas.

It’s all on the DL, and the two meet at her friend’s downtown LA loft for their good times. Angeles loft because, for now, Demi doesn’t want y’all to know. But, ALLEGEDLY, it was Demi’s 29-year-old daughter, Rumer, who told Mama Cougar she had another younger man for her, according to a source, most likely Rumer herself:

“Rumer knows Demi is attracted to younger guys, and she figured that since Nick is single and has experience with older women, he’d be up for a love connection. They hit it off — and now Demi and Nick are hooking up.”

Demi was married to 16-years-younger Ashton Kutcher before he left her for the fat younger Mila Kunis; then she hooked up with 31-year-old rocker Sean Friday, 36-year-old Pink Taco owner Harry Morton—who also dated Demi’s daughter Rumer, and 31-year-old art dealer Vito Schnabel.

Nick is Demi’s youngest, so far, because her next boyfriend just graduated from seventh grade.

photo

Last year, two songwriters, Sean Hall and Nathan Butler, sued Taylor Swift for ALLEGEDLY ripping off the lyrics to “Shake It Off” from the 2001 3LW hit “Playas Gon’ Play.” Taylor, who loves to sue, but hates getting sued, tried to get a judge to throw the lawsuit out.

The two men say Taylor’s chorus of “Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play. And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate” was suspiciously similar to the chorus they wrote, “Playas they gonna play, and haters they gonna hate” and they wanted credit … coins … for their work.

And again, TayTay, who loves to earn her coins from suing over intellectual property is not in the mood to play play play … and her lawyers are arguing that the phrases “Players, they gonna play” and “Haters, they gonna hate” are too short to get legal protection on, and therefor they don’t belong to anybody.

Unless, you know, TayTay says she wrote them.

Swifty’s lawyers also argue that Sean and Nathan can’t monopolize the ideas of players playing and haters hating because there is only one person in the music industry capable of attempting to monopolize the act of hating, and that’s Taylor Swift.

photo 1, 2, 3

Paris Hilton recently got engaged to Leftovers actor Chris Zylka who ALLEGEDLY proposed with a $2 million ring.

Clearly, Paris is the one with the coins in this pairing so clearly she bought the ring, gave it to him for the proposal, and then flashed it all over social media.

But if you remember that Paris was once besties with Lindsay Lohan, who has a penchant for thievery, especially, of jewelry, it seems only fitting that Hilton has hired 24-7 security to guard her ring.

Hasn’t she heard of a safe? Doesn’t she know that Lohan is out of the country? Why didn’t she just let her fiancé buy the ring, and then, if it was stolen, you’d just have to shell out another $199 to Zale’s?

Just sayin’.

photo

Last week the women, and men, to be fair, wore black in solidarity of women and the sexual abuse they face, the discrimination they face, and the pay inequity they face, not just in Hollywood but everywhere.

Still this is Snark, so we’ll deal with Hollywood, and Ridley Scot’s film All the Money in the World. You’ll remember it co-starred Kevin Spacey until we learned what a creeper he was to young boys. Then Ridley cut Spacey from the film and replaced him with Christopher Plummer trouble was, the film was finished, so Scott asked some of the films co-stars, Nark Wahlberg and Michelle Williams, to come back and reshoot some of their scenes with Plummer.

And of course they’d get paid for their work … and therein lies the rub.

Rumor has it that while both are equally billed in film—even though Williams is getting raves and Wahlberg is not—and both returned to film for the same number of days—Mark Wahlberg was paid $1.5 million while Michelle Williams was given a check for … wait for it, it should really piss you off … about $80 per day, for a total of about $1,000.

Even worse, none of the other actors brought back in were paid, and even Ridley Scott, the director, wasn’t paid. But Wahlberg’s team of lawyers and agents and accounts negotiated that hefty fee.

Women in Hollywood might be wearing black every day especially given that Williams and Wahlberg are represented by the same agency and that agency worked a huge payout for their male client and basically no deal for their female client.

photo

The New York Times recently published an op-ed entitled “Publicly, We Say #MeToo. Privately, We Have Misgivings” written by Daphne Merkin, who feels that #MeToo will lead to the end of flirting.

Right?

In France, the movement is cause for great concern because many … many women … think flirting is life …and maybe flirting is coming out of your hotel bathroom naked and asking your employee for a handy … I guess.

A collective of about 100 French women signed an open letter published in Le Monde rejecting what it sees as a new puritanism in the wake of the sexual harassment and assault scandals:

“Rape is a crime. Insistently or awkwardly hitting on someone is not.”

And there were many women of note who signed on to this nonsense, like doctors and lawyers, female politicians, even Catherine Deneuve.

Um, ladies, no one is saying that flirting is out, but they’re saying that asking for a rubdown, exposing yourself, groping a woman, touching a woman, without her consent is no longer happening.

There’s a difference between a simple bit of flirtation and whipping your dick out and asking an employee to suck it.

Last time I checked that wasn’t flirting.

photo

Hugh Grant is going to be a dad for the fifth time at 57-years-old. This will be his third child with 35-year-old girlfriend Anna Eberstein; they already have a two-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, but this is where it gets itchy …

Hugh had a “fleeting affair” with Tinglan Hong which resulted in a child being born in 2011; Hugh and Tinglan didn’t pan out and so then he met Anna and they had their first child in 2012.

Then Hugh and Tinglan got back together for the second half of their fleeting affair in 2013 and they had another child.

But, alas, that was over, and Hugh went back to Anna and they had a child together in 2015.

Now in 2018, he and Anna again are going to be parents.

photo 1, 2

Disney always knows how to make coins. They make a feature length cartoon and make billions from that and then turn it into a Broadway show and then a live action film; they bag tons of money for the same project.

But Disney needs to learn a very simple lesson: blackface is over.

So far, Disney and Guy Ritchie are making a live-action version of Aladdin and took some heat for casting a non-Arab Princess Jasmine and then adding a new random white character to, you know, get white people in the seats. But this is too much …

There are accusations that Disney is making up extras to look more brown. The accusations come from a background actor named Kaushal Odedra who says when he arrived on-set he noticed an awful lot of white background actors. And then, a few hours later, those same white actors were suddenly brown:

“Aladdin was the perfect time to show diversity but also be accurate. They’re being out of touch with what’s going on around them.”

But Disney has an excuse … and it’s just about the lamest nonsensical POS I have ever heard:

“Great care was taken to put together one of the largest, most diverse casts ever seen on screen. Diversity of our cast and background performers was a requirement and only in a handful of instances when it was a matter of specialty skills, safety and control (special effects rigs, stunt performers and handling of animals) were crew made up to blend in.”

Oh, so they admit to using brown people as extras but when it comes to crew and animal handlers and the like, only white folks were available?

Try again Disney. When you making a film set in the Middle East about Middle Eastern people, why not, oh I don’t know, cast Middle Eastern actors in the parts. Except then the fear is that white people wouldn’t see the film and so there’s be fewer coins to be had.

Shame on you, Mouse House.

photo

Tonya Harding Is back y’all, and why we’re suddenly celebrating this criminal is beyond me.

But she’s the topic of a new film and so she’s being interviewed by everyone everywhere, though maybe some aren’t thrilled by the idea.

Like Piers Morgan of Good Morning Britain who wasn’t afraid to remind everyone that it’s really Nancy “WHYYYYYYYYY” Kerrigan who is the victim.

Piers kept trying to get Tonya to admit she was involved in the 1994 pipe attack on Nancy. Tonya’s ex-husband Jeff Gillooly said she knew all along of the conspiracy to take down Nancy and even Tonya said in her 2008 autobiography that she wanted to tell authorities about the pending assault but didn’t because Jeff threatened her life.

Still, Piers was having none of it:

“Maybe it suits you to play the victim. But I think the victim in all this wasn’t you. It was Nancy Kerrigan who had her Olympic dream shattered.”

But Tonya is delusional and has been playing the victim card for decades, so she will never admit that she planned it, knew about it, and wanted it done.

Girl, bye.

photo

We haven’t heard from Kanye in a while, not that I’m complaining, but here he is again, going after people for their fashion sense, even if he’s married to the perpetrator.

Apparently, Kim Kardastrophe revealed that she received an email from her husband … they don’t actually speak? … in which he put her on blast for her sunglasses:

“[Kanye] sent me a whole email like, ‘You cannot wear big glasses anymore. It’s all about tiny little glasses.’”

And instantly she was in tiny glasses because, you know, what Kanye says ….

Clearly, because now all the Kardastrophes are wearing tiny glasses like the Tiny Man ordered.

photo 1,2

It's Snarkurday!

So, on the FOX show Gotham, Benjamin McKenzie stars alongside Morena Baccarin as his love interest, and it appears that life has begun to imitate art, since the couple announced that, not only are they now dating, but that Baccarin is four months pregnant with their first child.

And. Call me cray cray but that’s probably not something her soon-to-be ex-husband, Austin Chick, is thrilled about, especially since he filed for divorce just last July — when Baccarin was already two months pregnant — and asked for joint custody of their two-year-old son Julius.

If we, as Cher once famously told us to do, turn back time, to say, oh, May, and we believe that Baccarin and Chick split then, she was already about a minute knocked up. So, either she was banging Ben just as she split from her husband and found herself “with child” after that first tryst, or she banging Ben while she was still living with Chick, and presumably banging him, too.

Either way, Baccarin works fast, you know.

Kate Hudson loves musicians. She was married to one — Chris Robinson of The Black Crows — impregnated by one — Matthew Bellamy of Muse —  and is now ALLEGEDLY hooking up with one …

Nick Jonas, who is 23 to her 36. She showed up at his show in Orlando recently and then the two were spotted having brunch together in Miami a few days later.

She likes musicians, and she likes ‘em young.

And howsabout another Hollywood marriage imploding?

After just one date, and a blind date at that, Big Bang Theory actress Kaley Cuoco moved one-time pro tennis player Ryan Sweeting into her house. Three months later they were engaged; three months later they were married. Twenty-one months later it’s over.

Okay, so it’s sad that this epic love story ended, but what makes me giggle is that Kaley Cuoco, on the day of her marriage to Sweeting — whose name she legally took by the way, and will now have to legally change back — had their wedding date tattooed onto her back in Roman numerals.

Here’s hoping she can find another guy to marry on that same day, and then she can just laser off the year and have a new tattoo done.

In Rich People Problem News … Johnny Depp used to have a 156-foot yacht he named Vajoliroja, which, although it sounds vaguely gynecological is actually a mash-up of the names of Johnny, his ex Vanessa Paradis, their daughter Lily-Rose and their son Jack.

I say he sued to have the yacht because new wife, and puppy smuggler, Amber heard has refused to set foot on a boat named after Johnny’s baby mama, even slightly named, and so the boat has to go.

That Amber is one cold bitch to make Johnny sell a boat he’d named after his children, but what the heck, now he can buy a new boat, call it say, Jamber, or Ambonny, or Deard, or, perhaps a better name for this kinda filthy looking pair, Hepp, and then he call sell that one when his next love comes along. 

Like I said, Rich People Problems.

I always thought Khloe was the smart one in the family. And I know, that's not saying much, considering that family but ...

Think again.  Khloe Kardastrophe recently had the paint job on her Range Rover redone. Not new paint mind you, but black velvet.

Yes, she had her car wrapped in black velvet. Now all it needs is someone to paint Elvis on it and Khloe will officially be white trash.

So, Australia has taken a page from Canada, Great Britain and New Zealand’s playbook in refusing to allow serial abuser, chair tosser, asshat and Wildman Chris Brown into their country.

Brown was supposed to perform in Australia and New Zealand in December, but that might not happen because he beat the crap out of Rihanna because … because … because he’s a serial abuser of women.

It seems that Australia’s Minister for Women, Michaelia Cash has said the country’s immigration minister may deny Chris Brown’s visa and if it was solely up to her, she would’ve rejected it already.

“I’m clearly not going to preempt a decision by the minister; however I can assure you what my strong recommendation would be. People need to understand — if you are going to commit domestic violence and then you want to travel around the world, there are going to be countries that say to you, ‘You cannot come in because you are not of the character that we expect in Australia.”

I like the idea except for one thing: if the entire world suddenly decides that Chris Brown is not welcome in certain countries, that means we’ll have to deal with him 24/7.

Oh lord … this could get ugly … for America. But, in an update, we now know that Australia has given Chrissy a Notice of Intention to Consider Refusal, which means they’re giving him the chance to prove why he deserves to enter the country and they’ve given him 28 days — the length of his last rehab stay, by the way — to come up with a good reason.

Lord, he won’t be able to do it, because I imagine his good reason will be Instagrammed out to the world and contain the literate phrase:

“Just cuz.”

I say channel your inner Nancy Reagan Australia and “Just say ‘no.’”

Last week we talked allegations that Jessica Simpson was all drunk and shiz while selling her shoes and such on HLN. And we learned that just because she was a confused slurring mess doesn’t mean she’s drunk, that’s just how she talks, except …

Jessica’s husband, Eric, has had enough with the booze and the pills and has threatened to take their kids if she doesn’t get help. A source — and it might be Lohan, who might be Simpson’s dealer — says Eric is tired of Jessica using the prescription drug Adderall to keep her 5-foot-3 frame at a 92 pounds and washing the dolls down with Scotch.

So, maybe the slurring and the wacknut conversation were Scotch-erall induced?

Lord. When did producers at The View decide it was less important to hire intelligent women to discuss the latest news and information, and more important to hire wingnuts to spout their lunacy? I mean, maybe that was their plan: hire lunatics and rather than score ratings points for being a good show, we score higher numbers for having loons on TV.

Case in point: the ladies at The View stirred up more controversy when Whoopi Goldberg brought up how Lena Dunham posted an underwear photo and then quit Twitter after experiencing “verbal abuse” and here’s how The View gals responded:

Whoopi Goldberg: “The minute you put yourself out there, in somebody’s underwear … you can’t be surprised. You know what’s on Twitter.”

Raven-Symone: “At the same time, people on Twitter need to keep their mouths respectful because they come hard at people.”

Candace Cameron Bure: “I’ve never been more verbally abused in my life than on Twitter, and specifically in the last few months, having come on this show. A lot of people don’t agree with me – that’s fine, don’t agree with me. But you don’t have to verbally abuse me and rape me. That’s what they do to me on Twitter.”

Yes, someone, a stranger no less, an anonymous stranger, saying something mean about you on Twitter is just like being sexually assaulted according to Candace Cameron Bure, The View’s Elizabeth Hasselbeck 2.0.

Rape is a sexual assault; someone saying you’re a morn might be mean, or, in this case, true. But it’s never akin to rape.