Bobservations

The other day as we were running errands a song came on the radio by an artist I don’t much care for, though this particular tune is one of my favorites. So naturally I began signing while driving:

“♫♪Look around, everywhere you turn is heartache; it's everywhere that you go. Come on, vogue. Let your body move to the music. Hey, hey, hey!♪♫”

I turned to Carlos and said:

“Sing it!!!”

“I don’t know this song!”

I nearly drove off the road.

“What kind of homosexual are you that you don’t know ‘Vogue’ by Madonna? … ♫♪ Come on, vogue. Let your body go with the flow. You know you can do it.♪♫”

“Sing it! ♫♪ All you need is your own imagination, so use it, that's what it's for.♪♫”

“I don’t know the words!”

“Bad gay! Very Bad gay!!!  ♫♪ Beauty's where you find it, not just where you bump and grind it. Soul is in the musical, that's where I feel so beautiful. Magical, life's a ball so get up on the dance floor.♪♫”

And then we get to “the rap” and I start doing all the Vogue hand gestures and now Carlos is desperate for me to stop singing and, as he says it:

“PAY ATTENTION ON THE ROAD!!!”

“NOPE!!!"

"♫♪ Greta Garbo and Monroe, Dietrich and DiMaggio, Marlon Brando, Jimmy Dean
On the cover of a magazine. Grace Kelly, Harlow, Jean, picture of a beauty queen. Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire. Ginger Rogers, dance on air.

They had style, they had grace; Rita Hayworth gave good face. Lauren, Katherine, Lana too. Bette Davis, we love you! Ladies with an attitude; fellas that were in the mood.

Don't just stand there, let's get to it, strike a pose, there's nothing to it … Vogue, vogue, Vogue, vogue, Vogue, vogue.♪♫”

And now we are pulling down our driveway and I am opening the garage door and Carlos says to me, hold onto your pearls, clutch, my angels, clutch, for Carlos says to me …”

“I thought RuPaul sang this song.”

I crashed into the house and then called HOMO HQ for a Vogue-tervention.

This Tuxedo Memory is from June 2018 and is entitled:

Tuxedo ... Holding A Grudge Because His Two Dads Went Away

He never liked it when we went away, even for just a day trip, and always gave us the cold shoulder upon our return!

Sorry y’all, but watching Alec Baldwin weeping in court when the judge announced his involuntary manslaughter case was dismissed mid-trial took me back to a line from Mommie Dearest, when Joan was having a fit and one of her suitors said:

“If you're acting, you're wasting your time. If you're not, you're wasting mine.”

Disappear, Alec, until the family’s wrongful death civil suit is filed.

The Felon’s son, The Dumb One, says Daddy didn’t get any stitches after he was shot at a rally in Pennsylvania over the weekend, but that he has a “nice flesh wound” from the shooting.

But Daddy claims the bullet pierced his ear, so wouldn’t that leave a hole, well, another hole in The Felon’s head? Oh, and The Felon campaign has not released any medical reports about the injury or even named any doctors who treated him.

Huh, that sounds odd. Especially given that The Felon is a whining little narcissist and would love the extra attention.

:::cough::: Staged event ::: cough:::

I saw this on Facebook:

Imagine being taxed to build a sports stadium, to have a millionaire charge you admission. So you can cheer on millionaires playing a game that’s meant to divert your attention from being exploited by a ruling class who does things like … tax you to build a stadium.

Tax the rich.

Nothing new to see here: The Felon fell asleep at the Republican National Convention on the first night. If this keeps up he’ll be in a coma by Thursday.

Arkansas Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders Aunt Lydia told the Republican National Convention that:

“Not even an assassin’s bullet could stop him. God Almighty intervened because America is one nation under God, and He is not done with [The Felon.”

I’d like to ask Huckleberry about the firefighter that was killed at that rally and how come her so-called god didn’t save him but I don’t really think she cares because she didn’t even mention his name.

After that lump of Bible-thumping, lying hypocritical shiz, I need a palate cleanser and this picture of these two cats just makes me feel so much better.

Daniel Schröder is apparently some kind of artist, though my only question is: Would You Hit It?

It isn’t lost on too many people that the instant The Felon chose a running mate, Tim Scott’s gurlfriend vanished.

Snarky Thoughts

Beyoncé and Jay-Z are reportedly the new owners of the most expensive house in California after they plunked down $200 million in cash for this, um, er, prison house … in Malibu. There are some 40,000 square feet in the house and it sits on 8 coastal acres.

My Thought: It would have been, I’m guessing, cheaper to buy San Quentin and turn it into a huge-ass house and you’d have City and Bay Views.

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I love Rita Moreno but the 91-year-old star and I will come to blows if she keeps this shiz up. Rita attended a performance of the new Broadway show “The Sign in Sidney Brustein’s Window”—she played the female lead in its 1964 original run—and after the show she got a little flirty with the show’s star, one Oscar Isaac, telling him:

“I have a thing for brooding actors. I dated Marlon Brando, you know.”

Isaac, who’s married with two children, said Brando was a tough act to follow.

My Thought: I saw him first Rita and if anyone gets him, it will be me. Ninety-one or not, I will take you down.

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Now that Alec Baldwin is finally free from the manslaughter charges he’s gone back to being his impish lovable self … and by that I mean he’s once more acting like a self-entitled prick. Recently Alec and his wife, non-Latina Hilaria attended the 2023 PEN American Spring Literary Gala in New York and spies claim that the drama started when Baldwin stood up to chat with someone as “the line of servers come all at once to deliver the meals.” One female server got stuck behind Baldwin’s ample ass ego and when she passed and began setting dinners down he was not happy; the woman—who does not wish to be named—explains:

“I was going to feed the head of the table but that’s who he was talking to, so I go up to him and I say, ‘I’m sorry sir, but we’re going to have servers walking through the tables here in a minute.'”

And that’s when gracious star boorish pig Baldwin snapped:

“So when is it a good time to talk to my friends? Do I have to explain it to you?”

Not wanting to exacerbate the situation, she said she needed no explanation and he replied:

“Well then step aside.”

As she walked away he called her a peasant.

My Thought: If you can’t get him on manslaughter charges maybe you can charge him with being an overrated untalented dick.

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Oh this is rich, trying to act like an everywoman. It seems the internets are going nuts because Kim Kardashian is acting “like she’s middle class” and “complaining” about her struggles as a single mom. The woman—who shares North, Saint, Chicago, and Psalm with ex-husband Kanye West—said on Jay Shetty’s “On Purpose” podcast that parenting is “really f—king hard.”

But some listeners weren’t having a billionaire with a full staff and a ninny for each of her children complain about being a single mom.

My Thought: If The Kardastrophe’s stays on Hulu for another year, send Kim to a two-bedroom bungalow in South Central and get her a job at the neighborhood bodega to show her what real single parenthood is like.

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Julia Fox, another Kanye West cast-off, is also very Kardastrophe-like, in trying to get attention for just showing up at an event.

At the Art of Elysium 25th anniversary party in Cannes last week Fox showed up in a clear glass bra top and Klan Skirt. The structural corset top looked like it was made from a piece of glass in the form of a disfigured elephant dick held up by a clear piece of string and freeing her nipples.

For more casual wear Fox did some early morning LA shopping in slippers, a t-shirt and blazer, and a pair of men’s underwear.

My Thought: I have none. I don’t know who she is, and don’t know why people are running around photographing her at events to which she should not be invited. I guess schtupping Kanye gets you a pass?

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Snarky Thoughts

The smugness and hilarity of Gwyneth Paltrow and Terry Sanderson’s 8-day ski accident trial held many of us in a tight grip a while back. It ended when the jury sided with the Oscar-winning actress … hold for laughter … and awarded her the $1 dollar in damages she’d requested; she was also asking that Sanderson pay her lawyer fees because the crash caused her to miss a half-day of skiing, but we now know that lawyers for both parties have agreed to drop that part of the suit. 

My Thought: Maybe that haughty, I’m-too-good-for-this-nonsense bitch face caused Paltrow’s attorneys to rethink their money beg.

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Halle Berry is making Madonna look absolutely parched, she’s so thirsty. Like Madge, Halle has posted a nude photo of herself sipping wine on a balcony to social media, with the caption:

“i do what i wanna do. happy Saturday.”

In the photo, Berry is covering her breasts with her arm and leaning against a railing that covers her nether regions.

My Thought: This is pure thirst because Halle had her boyfriend take the camera downstairs and outside while she perched on the balcony so he could snap the photo. I guess doing what she wants to do for Halle means sending her boyfriend to the yard to take a nudie pic.

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Who needs Adele or Elton, or even Paddington Bear when you’ve booked Katy Perry, Lionel Ritchie, Winnie the Pooh and Tom Cruise for your coronation?

My Thought: King Charles and those wacky Windsor’s are scraping the bottom of the celebrity  barrel to make this coronation a thing.

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Another Kardastrophe, well, to be fair, a Kardastrophe-adjacent, family member is pitching  a hissy over the idea that people think she's had plastic surgery. Kylie Jenner admits to having lip fillers but wants y’all to know she isn’t all that plastic:

“I think a big misconception about me is that I’ve had so much surgery on my face and that I was some insecure person, and I really wasn’t!”

But she always “wanted full lips” but claims it’s not due to insecurities saying she was “always the most confident person in the room” as a child and “the girl performing for everyone,” but because of her “one lip insecurity thing” she chose to make a change.

My Thought: That little lip thing really made her face and body and breasts totally different, and that makes it one special filler.

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Alec Baldwin is back in the news, though not for killing someone … this time. See, after the manslaughter  charges against him were dropped he posted a slideshow of his seven kids calling them “seven reasons to carry on during tough times.” Trouble is, Baldwin has eight children and appears to have forgotten his daughter Ireland, whose mother is Kim Basinger, and whom he famously called a “pig” years back in a telephone rant.

My Thought: Not exactly father of the year material, eh? I mean if you have so many children you forget the first one.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Last week Katharine McPhee gave birth to her five-times married, twice her age husband, David Foster’s, child, and now she’s out again to tell y’all that, while she loves her serial divorcing husband, she was initially worried about how the public would view their age gap:

“We all have the ability to label things and to look at something for the way that it looks or face value and make a judgment. So I totally get the judgment initially, but things are never as they appear, things are never exactly as they appear and I’m in love with our love story and that’s all that matters … The perception of what people try to create, especially with women, it’s always the woman’s fault. It’s the woman who wants to be with the older man because he has money and he’s had success and she wants this, that, I mean, our story’s been the complete opposite.”

Wait. Is she suggesting that she has the success and the money and that’s why Foster married her?

Stop it, Katherine, marry whomever you want, and have their child. But just know that it looks odd with your five-times married double your age hubby, and know that when you’re seventy-something and decide to marry a thirty-year-old man, it’ll look just as odd.

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Also last week, Alec Baldwin, actor, blowhard, husband to a woman who fakes her ethnicity, quit Twitter, for the third time, after being Twit-shamed  for tweeting about Gillian Anderson’s British and American accents.

He wrote, “Switching accents? That sounds…fascinating,” obviously thinking it makes what his wife has done her whole life sound reasonable. Alec announced his Twitter departure in a 10-minute-long Instagram video rant, being sure to mention he was a big Gillian fan, and his tweet was actually very high-brow “irony” that went over the heads of the entire world.

Well, now Gillian is speaking, and addressing the kerfuffle over accepting her Golden Globe for The Crown with an American accent:

“I don’t have social media on my phone so I wasn’t [aware]. A couple people texted to say that something was going on. I didn’t pay any attention to it because it’s just something that I live. I grew up between two countries and so depending on who is in my ear is which direction my accent goes, so I’m so used to it that it’s kind of old news for me.”

Gillian was asked if Baldwin reached out to her:

“I haven’t heard from him. It doesn’t matter. It’s so not a newsworthy item, but I’m sad that it’s caused him so much distress.”

The shade! Though the distress was that Gillian, who has lived in both England and America all her life shouldn’t be taken to task like Baldwin’s wife, who claimed she was Spanish, born and raised, changed her name, albeit not legally, and pretends not to know how to say cucumber in English. Baldwin’s distress is that his wife was outed as a liar.

I love Gillian’s dig that she isn’t bothered by Alec’s rant because she doesn’t live in the social media world.

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So, Piers Morgan, once thought to be England’s Larry King, walked off his chat show gig in the wake of the Harry and Meghan interview and his assertion that Meghan Markle is just a plain liar and, well, he knows that for a fact.

And he wants y’all to know he didn’t dash off your tellys the  Ofcom, the British equivalent to the FCC, has launched an investigation “after more than 41,000 people wrote in to complain” about Piers’ comments about Meghan’s mental health struggles.

No he did it because Meghan lies … like the time she met Piers for drinks and chats, and then, after their date, she took off in a cab for a party where she met a Hot Ginger Prince, fell in love and married him and never called Piers Morgan back, even though his was sitting bedside in his nighty waiting for that call.

Sad little man. Meghan didn’t like him so he’s taken every single chance he can to not only bash her but make light of her disclosure about depression and suicide.

Pig, that Piers.

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Prince William broke his silence this week regarding Harry and Meghan’s interview with Oprah, specifically the part about being asked what color their son might be. And while Bill admitted that he hadn’t spoken to Harry—though he says he will—he was firm when asked about the most damaging claims made in the interview that the family’s treatment of them was racially motivated:

“We’re very much not a racist family.”

First off, Bill, neither one of them said the “family” was racist, they said they were questions asked of them regarding the as yet-to-be born Archie’s skin color; there was also the notion that Archie, the son of a Prince would not be given a royal title, and as such, would have no royal protection.

Really? Even Fergie and Andrew’s offspring were given titles, but not the baby of a Prince and his biracial wife? Sounds like, while it may not be the whole family, someone in the family is an ignorant ass.

I think it’s Chuck, even though Betty Windsor, in her brief statement on the interview, said the “issues raised, particularly that of race, are concerning,” but politely said that “recollections may vary.”

Which is kinda what racists say when they get busted being racist.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I sometimes wish these divorcing celebrities would take the high road, and divorce peacefully and privately and amicably, but then who the hell would I talk about, amirite?

Dr. Dre has been in a contentious divorce battle with soon-to-be-when-the-money-issues-are-resolved-ex-wife Nicole forever. The once-happy couple was married for over 24 years before Nicole filed for divorce and the messiness started.

Nicole claimed Dre tore up their prenup in a romantic gesture and so she wanted $2 million a month in spousal support. Well, Dre wasn’t keen on cutting a $24 million yearly check, so he brought the prenup back. Then he had an aneurysm and apparently felt bad, so he coughed up $2 million to Nicole for expenses. When he recovered, Nicole threw down the Cheating Gauntlet and tried to subpoena Dre’s ALLEGED mistresses over houses he ALLEGEDLY bought them, and the gloves were off again.

Now the ball is in Dre’s court and so what does he do? He recorded a diss track where he talks smack Nicole cuz that’s how grown folk act:

Trying to kill me with them lies and that perjury

I see you trying to f**k me while I’m in surgery

In ICU death bed on some money shit

Greedy bitch take a pic

Girl you know how money get.

Isn’t that lovely? And just think how his children will feel hearing their father talk this way about their mother.

And how they’ll feel when Nicole decides to respond in kind.

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I haven’t read Mariah Carey’s memoir because, well, simply put Mariah Carey, but apparently her family is a hot mess—she ALLEGES that her older sister Alison, who was arrested for prostitution in 2016, drugged a twelve-year-old Mariah and tried to sell her to a pimp.

No, not Tommy Mottola.

Mariah also had stories about a violent incident ALLEGEDLY involving her “ex-brother” Morgan which has caused him to sue his, I guess, ex-sister for defamation and “intentional infliction of emotional distress.”  Morgan says Mariah’s book “damaged his reputation” and he needs coins to make it all better.

In his legal fling, Morgan ALLEGES Mariah damaged his reputation when she wrote about a violent struggle he had with their father:

“It took twelve cops to pull my brother and father apart. The big bodies of men, all entangled like a swirling hurricane, crashed loudly into the living room.”

Well, first off: I’m’a file suit against Mimi for the line the “big bodies of men, all entangled like a swirling hurricane.” I mean, that hurt my ears beyond repair. But, back at the lawsuit: in the book Mimi says Morgan “pushed my mother with such force that her body slammed into the wall, making a loud cracking sound.”

Morgan says both accounts are lies, though he says any “actual fights with his father never happened when Mariah was a child” and that “there’s no way 12 cops would respond to a domestic violence report.”  He also says there’s no way he would have ever hurt his mother because he loves her; oh, and because tons of people witnessed the “deep affection” between him and his mother. He even claims Mimi contradicted herself in the book when she recounted her mother once saying, “Morgan is the only one I love.”

Morgan’s action calls for the payment of unspecified damages, and seeks “a judicial determination that many of the passages in [the memoir] … are false and defamatory”. It claims the book caused Morgan “serious damage to his reputation and to his personal and business affairs” and “extreme mental anguish”, and that it negatively affected negotiations for a feature film he was developing.

But it all goes away when the coins come his direction.

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This week Alec Baldwin decided he needed more attention and Tweeted a link to a CNN article entitled “Gillian Anderson’s American accent throws some people off”. It was about how Gillian Anderson bounces between her British and American accents.

Kinda like Alec’s esposa, er, wife, Hilaria Hillary, who goes back and forth between her native Spanish and her more native English? Y’all remember the kerfuffle when we learned that Hillary Baldwin is not from Spain and has been pretending to be Spanish for years, even though she was born and raised in New England?

But Alec missed the mark here because, while Gillian Anderson was born in Chicago, shortly after her birth, her family moved to London, where they lived until she was 11 years old. After that, they returned to America, but still summered in London.  So, clearly Alec saw imagined similarities between Anderson and Hillary but, to be fair, Gillian has never pretended to be from England, never acted as though she couldn’t pronounce an American English word, and didn’t say things like “lift” and “bangers and mash” because she was faking her ancestry.

And so, Twitter, and Gillian Anderson fans, came for Alec and read him so badly for filth that he once again claimed social media is for haters—but not when he uses it—and he’s done with it; again. And then he posted a nearly ten-minute-long video on Instagram bitching about the haters:

“Wanted to post a quick video to say that I deactivated my Twitter account today.”

But he clearly kept his Instagram because where else can he seek attention. In the video, Alec does not name Gillian by name but explained about his stupid Tweet:

“I just wrote, ‘Oh, that’s interesting.’ And of course, you can’t do any irony on Twitter—you can’t do any irony in the United States anymore because the United States is such [an] uptight, stressed-out place and such an unpleasant place right now.”

He goes on to say he’s a “huge fan” of Anderson’s and didn’t mean to offend her, but found it similar that both Gillian and his wife—who, remember, even changed the spelling of her name to pretend to be Spanish—are influenced by different cultures:

“But I find that, of course, on Twitter, which is where all the a**oles in the United States and beyond go to get their advanced degrees in a**hole-iness, that I had used it as a news aggregator, and I suppose I will do my best to find other places that are similar in their news aggregation in real time and periodicals I like.”

Take it down a notch, Karen. It was clear you were trying to explain away your wife’s decades long lie by comparing her to Gillian Anderson when there is no comparison. So stay off Twitter if it’s too hard, but be prepared for the haters, AKA—in your case—the truth tellers, to find you elsewhere.

And, as you wife would say in her "native" tongue:

“Adios.”

Oops. I mean Goodbye.

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Remember that whole sexual harassment scandal involving former CBS bigshot Les Moonves? The one that cost him his job? Yeah? Well, it’s also cost CBS tens of millions of dollars after the network was court-ordered to pay actress Bobbie Phillips for the sexual harassment claims— including her allegation that Moonves forced her to perform oral sex on him in a 1995 meeting—after the network leaked the story to the media.

Phillips says that in 1995 Moonves dropped his pants in front of her and said:

“Look how hard you make me. Be my girlfriend and I’ll put you on any show.”

He then, ALLEGEDLY, grabbed her by the neck and forced her to perform oral sex. Phillips was able to break free by grabbing a baseball bat after he was interrupted by a phone call.

Moonves later said to Phillips’ longtime Hollywood agent, Marv Dauer:

“If Bobbie talks, I’m finished.”

And he is.

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Last week 36-year-old Katharine McPhee gave birth to her first child, a son, with her 71-year-old husband David Foster.

The boy is David’s first son, and joins his five stepsisters, four of whom are older than his mother.

That’s all.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

A brief history …

Back in 1995, Pamela Anderson married Tommy Lee four days after they met; that marriage ended in 1998.

That same year, she became engaged to Swedish model, Marcus Schenkenberg, but they never reached the altar, and their relationship ended in 2001.

In 2006, Pammy married and divorced Kid Rock.

In  2007, she married producer Rick Salomon and then had the marriage annulled in 2008.

In 2013 or 2014, Pammy again married Salomon and then divorced him in 2015.

In 2020 Pammy “married” movie mogul Jon Peters and that union ended after twelve days. To be fair, it was not considered legal since they never finalized their marriage certificate.

And now she’s done it again … on Christmas Eve, Pammy married her bodyguard, Dan Hayhurst, marking her sixth marriage and fifth husband if you count Jon Peters–-which Pammy does not.

Two marriages in one year. That’s our Pammy.

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Alec Baldwin has quit Twitter and Twitter has heaved a huge sigh of relief. And all because Twitter came for his wife, the formerly Spanish-born and bred and raised Hilaria, er, Hillary, and that’s just not fair.

Alec said Twitter is like being a party where everyone is screaming and that it’s just not fun anymore.

Funny that, because it’s usually Alec doing the screaming … at people on the streets … at paparazzi … at his own child.

Bye Alec. But could you take Hilaria, er, Hillary with you?

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He is no longer a Husband-In-My-Head, but the Armie Hammer ickiness doesn’t seem to be ending,  and so here we are …

Hammer, who has claimed he’s ‘100% a cannibal’ in Instagram messages to women, has been accused by Paige Lorenze, a second ex-girlfriend of carving the letter ‘A’ into her skin of her nether region, and then licking the blood from the wound. Paige even shared a photo of her ‘A is for Armie’ scar, but I ain’t sharin’ that shiz.

But it’s even worse, according to Lorenze. She says Hammer is an out-of-control narcissistic sexual deviant who seemed fixated on biting her body, begging that she allow him to take lumps of flesh from her arm, before consuming them. She says Armie would tie her up, hit her with paddles and a series of painful sexual moves that left her covered in bruises.

Now, for Armie’s side, or at least his side as told through his lawyer:

“These assertions about Mr. Hammer are patently untrue. Any interactions with this person, or any partner of his, were completely consensual in that they were fully discussed, agreed upon, and mutually participatory, the stories being perpetuated in the media are a misguided attempt to present a one-sided narrative with the goal of tarnishing Mr. Hammer’s reputation, and communications from the individuals involved prove that.”

Huh. It doesn’t seem to say the story isn’t true, it just seems to say the rough sex, the mutilation and the blood drinking were consensual.

Sorry Armie, ain’t buying it.

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Oh Demi, what have you done now?

The 58-year-old former actress and model hit the runway as part of Fendi’s Spring-Summer 2021 collection during Fashion Week in Paris, France. She modeled a look from British designer Kim Jones, in his first ever Couture Collection for Fendi.

And it appears she unveiled a new face?

Now, to be fair, I cannot tell if it’s make-up, or maybe Botox,  spackle and fillers, or one of those Terry Gilliam's Brazil plastic surgeries, but 2020 Demi looks startling different than 2010 Demi.

Scary, even.

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I Ain't One ToGossip, But ...

Well, watch your children’s college applications because College Admissions Scam Criminal Lori Loughlin has done her time and is out of jail.

Sadly, because you know Lori was hoping for a mob of photographers, no one met her at the gate because the press is busy dragging another self-entitled delusional white bitch—see that story below—and Lori was met only by her chauffeur who took her to a private plane that whisked her back to her manse and staff.

Prison is hard for a bitch.

Lori will be on supervised release for two years and must complete 250 hours of community service. I hope they have her scrubbing toilets while wearing a generic ankle bracelet and orange jumpsuit.

On that same topic, her fellow College Admissions Scandal jailbird Felicity Huffman is out of jail and already back to work as an actress.

I think Lori will have a tougher time booking gigs since her image is wholesome Hallmark Aunt Becky and not prison bitch.

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Now, howsabout about that other delusional one-percenter I hinted at: Hilaria Baldwin? There have been rumors for years that Hilaria was lying about her past, and now the story has come to light.

She has claimed to be Spanish, hence the Hilaria, and even rocked a Spanish accent, albeit one that went in and out like a dick in a porn film, but is she really an American girl lying? No one ever talked about the escándalo until now, after a Twitter thread appeared—and has since disappeared—accusing Hillary of a decades-long lie about her Spanish origins.

Hilaria’s CAA page, her IMDb bio and her Wikipedia page claim she was born in Mallorca and later moved to America, and she said in a podcast earlier this year:

“I moved here [to America] when I was 19 to go to NYU from… my family lives in Spain, they live in Mallorca.”

Hilaria was on the cover of Hola! Magazine where she was identified as Spanish in both the interview and its press release, and husband Alec Baldwin often calls her ‘Spanish’ online. She’s made many appearances in Latina magazines where she refers to Spain as her “home.”

And here’s more: there are videos of Hilaria on a talk shows, like Good Morning America, where she spoke with a Spanish accent, to a Today show cooking segment where she acted as though she could not remember the English word for “cucumber.”

How do you say in your country? Lying hypocrite?

Last fall, Hilaria pushed the fashion brand Zara on her podcast, saying in that on-and-off accent of hers, that  she has loved the label since “before I was in this country.’’

Trouble is, Hilaria’s real name is Hillary, according to an old MySpace page, friends from her past, and school records. She attended private school in Massachusetts, and in her senior yearbook is listed as Hillary Hayward-Thomas. It’s similar to what Rachel Dolezal—the white woman who claimed to be black—did only Hillary wanted to be Spanish.

Well, now Hillary is defending herself in a bonkers new Instagram video in which she has no Spanish accent at all and claims all of her lies about her background just a misunderstanding, and she never misrepresented herself. Bitch, your husband called you Spanish; your agent called you Spanish; you actually uttered the line:

“How do you say in English? ‘Cucumber’.”

Bitch, please. But she still claims she grew up in Boston and Spain, even though there is no evidence that she spent more than a couple of years vacationing in Spain, and then admitted she was born in Boston as Hillary and has no Spanish ancestry.

Seriously, why? Why? And why Alec played along is crazy, too. He took to social media to trash the Twitter user broke the story of Hillary’s lifelong lie in a bizarre Instagram rant where he compared the truth-teller to “used coasters with the rings on them and the stains on them.”

Huh? Is that Spanish for something? Even Ireland Baldwin, Alec’s daughter from his marriage to Kim Basinger, defended Hillary:

“It’s so pathetic that anyone would want to play detective and dig that deep into someone’s life they don’t know anything about, don’t know how they were raised, don’t know who they were actually raised by.”

Is that pathetic, Ireland, or is it pathetic to lie and pretend you’re Spanish when you aren’t? Take a seat, Karen.

Alec reappeared on social media, again, and once more dragged the Twitter sleuth, telling the world to “consider the source.” We did, Alec, and the “source” is your wife’s American birth certificate.

Okurrrrrr.

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Finally, a movie I’m longing to see … Sandra Bullock and Channing Tatum are set to star in a movie that sounds like a reboot with all new people of Romancing the Stone, but their film is called The Lost City of D. Sounds like a film where Sandra is on the hunt for Channing’s dick.

Funny, I’m on that same hunt and no one offered to have me star in a movie about it.

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