I Didn't Say It

Spencer Cox, Utah’s GOP governor, issuing a proclamation marking June as Pride Month and calling on Utahns to be more welcoming and accepting:

“There should be nothing controversial about supporting a group of people in our state who have historically felt marginalized. We love you; we care about you; Utah is an awesome place… for everyone.”

Cox might be the only GOP governor in the nation to issue such a proclamation but it seems off somehow …

Maybe because he didn’t mention the LGBTQ+ community at all; not once. His previous proclamations on Pride in 2022 and 2021 both mentioned our community … by all the letters … LGBTQ+, but this year not a single letter.

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Sarah Palin, when asked if MAGA is a cult:

“No. You know, the definition of a cult is a group of people who are excessively supporting one another and a cause. [Cults are] all about conformity and compliance and intolerance of anyone who doesn’t agree with what their mission is. Okay? That’s the definition of what the left is engaged in right now, speaking of cults. [They’re] all about conformity and compliance. And heaven forbid you don’t agree with them.”

Seriously, we dodged a massive bullet when John McCain lost his presidential election … because of her.

You can’t fix stupid. You can’t fix Palin.

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John Kelly, former Thing 45 Chief of Staff, on Thing 45’s reaction to another indictment and then turning it into a campaign event:

“He’s scared s—less. This is the way he compensates for that. He gives people the appearance he doesn’t care by doing this. For the first time in his life, it looks like he’s being held accountable. Up until this point in his life, it’s like, I’m not going to pay you, take me to court. He’s never been held accountable before.”

I certainly hope this time he’s held accountable, and the next time in New Jersey, and the time in Georgia, and the time in New York …

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Lindsey Graham, crying about Thing 45 being indicted, clearly worried he won’t have Fat orange ass to kiss for much longer:

“I’m an American who believes that if you believe Hillary Clinton should be prosecuted, you probably should believe that Trump should be prosecuted. If you believe she should get a pass, Trump should get a pass. No, I’m not in a cult. You know, I have taken the president on when I think he’s wrong, but what they’re doing to President Trump is a game changer for the presidency. They’ve taken the law and turned it upside down on numerous occasions to get him. You don’t have to be in a cult to find this offensive. Let the people decide whether Donald Trump should be president. Quit trying to destroy his life through a bunch of bogus legal cases in Manhattan, now in Miami, and eventually in Atlanta.”

Lindsey’s whataboutism is the classic case of what’s wrong with the GOP; deflection and lack of accountability. He’d be best served to remember that the FBI investigated Hilary for over a year and found that her server did not contain any information or emails that were clearly marked classified.

Now, if you think the FBI is corrupt and the DOJ is corrupt, go after that, but to let a criminal off because you don’t like how an earlier case ended is fucking stupid.

Just like Miss Lindsey.

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Jackie Goldberg, president of the LA Unified School Board, calling out the “BS” from anti-LGBTQ protestors in California and reading from a children’s book titled The Great Big Book of Families:

“I’ve been confronting this issue my entire life I have been threatened. I have been harassed. I have been denied jobs because of who I am and who I love. At the little discussion at the school after [reading the book], as soon as the book was over, one little girl sitting at my knees said, ‘I have two mommies.’ A little boy on my other side said: ‘I have five grandmas’. What do you think [the protests] did to them?!” It made them afraid! How dare you make them afraid because you are! I’m sorry, I told you this was personal. Nobody has to accept me. I’m not looking for your acceptance, but you better treat me the same way you treat everybody else. That’s how we live in this country. “You don’t have to love me. You don’t have to like me, you can think I’m the devil incarnate. But you treat me like a decent human being because that’s how I treat you even though you don’t believe I have the right to exist.”

She continued: Her son was once harassed for having two mommies and said that the fact that her grandchildren aren’t is a sign of progress.

But there’s room for a lot more.

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The Funny Papers

Davie Whamond, David Horsey, Mike Luckovich, John Cole, Adam Zyglis, Kevin Siers, Bill Bramhall, Clay Bennett, Gary Huck, JD Crowe, Nick Anderson, Pat Byrnes, Liam Simonelli, Darrin Bell, Michael de Adder, MacLeod Cartoons,

Bobservations

We buy an eco-friendly laundry detergent that comes with a measuring cap and a spigot for you to measure the correct amount per load. But the last time we bought detergent they had a different eco-friendly soap, and I told Carlos we’d buy that one. Cut to Monday and Carlos washing the towels. I hear a scream…

“Oh … OH …OOOOOHHHHH!”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

I walk into the laundry room.

“What happened?”

“I thought it had a spigot so I set the bottle on its side and took the cap off.”

Well, if one capful of detergent cleans the towels, I think 5 capfuls should be even better. Right?

Is anyone really surprised that after living with me for seventeen years Tuxedo is a liberal?

Imagine there’s no countries … at the Olympics. Well, the good folks at Outsports are tracking a subset of Olympians, those LGBTQ+ Olympians, and the information they gathered is interesting.

There are 179 LGBTQ+ athletes in Tokyo, with more perhaps coming out as the fames progress. And out LGBTQ+ athletes have won 19 medals as of this past Sunday: 6 Gold; 7 Silver; 6 Bronze. So, if LGBTQ+ was a country then Team LGBTQ+ is in 7th place for more Gold and 8th place among all countries for total medals won. The only countries with more Gold are China, the USA, Japan, Australia, Russia and Great Britain.

Seriously. And hearing this brought to mind one of the favorite things I’ve ever read. This is from the Preston Reese, a Letter to the Editor of the Sacramento Bee from 1999:

“Is homosexuality a ‘soul-deadening’ perversion? Let’s try an experiment:

I’m going to rip out the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling; burn Handel’s Messiah; slash the Mona Lisa; bury Walt Whitman’s ‘Leaves of Grass’; incinerate every Tchaikovsky score; torch every Greta Garbo film; ban every Bessie Smith song; and grind every Marlene Dietrich performance to dust.

Then we can evaluate what kind of ‘soul-deadening’ world we would live in without gay people.”

Good stuff.

While some music festivals were canceled this year because of a pandemic or something, the Lollapalooza, or as I will call, the Lollapaloser Festival went on as usual.

Oh, the festival team said they took precautions. For example, attendees had to provide a printed copy of their COVID-19 vaccine card or show their negative coronavirus test results within 72 hours of entering. Non-vaccinated types were also told to wear a mask while inside the festival. And as we know—you can’t buy a fake vaccine card and no one has ever taken their mask off when they were not supposed to.

Lollapalosers.

David Byrd, a Tennessee GOP legislator who went from unmasked gatherings with fellow legislators to being placed on ventilator for 55 days after being diagnosed with COVID-19, having his memory ravaged, his muscles and organs ravaged—which led to him having a liver transplant—wants y’all to know that COVID is serious.

Thanks Dave, but I realized as much when the doctors and nurses and scientists and medical professionals told me. I didn’t need to almost die, coming so close that my family, like yours, needed to pray for me to live, and I didn’t need any new organs.

But thanks for the message anyway.

In another example of Republican stupidity, Wisconsin GQP wingnut Senator Ron Johnson says he is not in favor of vaccine mandates, though he says an “incredibly deadly disease” could change his mind.

I guess the more than 610,000+ COVID-related deaths in this country are not enough for this loon to take it seriously.

Former Alaska governor, until she quit halfway through her term,  and failed vice-presidential candidate, Sarah Palin has said she would run for the U.S. Senate if God wanted her to.

Hey Sarah? God called, and She said we’re good. And She’d like you to continue watching Russia from your house.

Tennessee has sent half a million dollars to farmers who have vaccinated their cattle against respiratory diseases and other maladies over the past two years, but GQP Governor Bill Lee is less concerned about herd immunity for COVID-19 among humans.

He seriously cares more about cattle than citizens.

Harry Rowley is a British model and fitness enthusiast who knows how to rock the blond hair—he gives me sexy vampire—and give good face.

He first got noticed when one of his neighbors in Warwick, England, whose daughter was a model,  suggested he try her agency, Models One in London and that led to a very promising career. He really pulls off any outfit, and could pull off mine if he’s so inclined …

… Or, by the looks of these photos he does quite well pulling off his own outfits. That’s all.

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Jenna Elfman, Scientology proud for over thirty years, wants y’all to know that she is over all the negativity surrounding her “religion” and took to that bastion to religious journalism, Us Weekly, to speak gibberish:

“The controversy is boring. It’s nothing to me. I know what I know, and how much it helps me.”

Boring; families being torn apart; children removed from their parents; rapes covered up; wives of prominent members “disappearing”; The Hole; the suicides.

Yes, Jenna, you know what you know, which is nothing. You’re just another brainwashed cult member.

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This story makes me feel two ways … saddened that former Friends and The Comeback and Web Therapy star is reduced to being a guest on the game show 25 Words or Less  … and thrilled that she publicly showed that she has no idea who Beyoncé is.

Appearing on 25 Words or Less, Lisa was to describe the clue “Beyoncé” to a pair of contestants, and instead of saying things like “whips her wave” or “takes credit for songs she didn’t write” or “pimps out her daughter” or even “tries to shut down small businesses who dare to use the word ‘ivy’” she chose to describe Beyoncé as … wait for it, it’s epic … I’m still seeing … married … to …Kanye … West.

Yes, Lisa Kudrow thought Beyoncé and Kim Kardastrophe were the same person.

And somewhere  the BeyHive is mobilizing.

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Having been drunk in public, at least once, though it was many years ago, I sometimes wonder why those drunk-in-public folks think no one notices.

Oh, maybe it’s the whole drunk thing? Anyway, this happened to one Post Malone who lit up the internet after a series of concert performances where he tripped and fell and stumbled and slurred and acted all kinds of the fool onstage. And when people who saw this show, and shared their videos of the hot mess began talking Malone decided his rep needed defending:

“I’m not on drugs! I feel the best I’ve ever fucking felt in my life. And that’s why I can bust my ass for these shows and fucking fall on the floor and do all that fun shit. But for anyone that’s concerned here, I appreciate the love and the support, but I feel fucking fantastic and I’m not doing drugs.”

I just act the fool, forget the lyrics and fall down. Nothing to see here.

True dat.

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Let’s be queer, I was never a fan of the Mama Grizzly Bore™ AKA Sarah Palin, but how does one go from being the GOP nominee for Vice President in 2008 to dressing up in a neon bear costume and rapping a gender-switched version of “Baby Got Back” on The Masked Singer?

I smell a desperate need for cash now that her husband left her. Maybe she’s got alimony to pay up, or maybe she’s still just that same media whore looking to extend her Fifteen Minutes into  half hour?

After MGB™ was unmasked, she said:

“This [show] is something that our country needs now.”

What? An excuse for a half-term, full-fledged, white-trash, dumb-ass, trailer-park-squatting asshat to get on TV?

Pass.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But .....

Hayden Panettiere has been having a rough few years. She had a child with world heavyweight boxing champion Wladimir Klitschko before they split, and he has custody of a child they share.

Then she began a horrifically abusive relationship with Brian Hickerson for about a year until a judge issued a restraining order on Hayden’s behalf against him following his arrest on May 2 for assaulting Panettiere; police had answered four different calls to their home for domestic violence.

So, Hayden and Brian are done, but might still have a connection because now it appears that Panettiere is dating Brian’s brother, Zach, with whom she’s been seen out and about holding hands.

Now, maybe it’s nothing, but why in the world would you walk through the streets of New York holding hands with the brother of a man who has assaulted you several times, has been ordered to stay away from you, and has been prohibited from owning firearms?

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Now that she’s on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Denise Richards really needs to bring the drama if she wants to stay relevant so … cue yet another fight with ex-husband Charlie Sheen over child support.

Last year Charlie was rumored to be flat-broke and claiming he couldn’t afford the $20,000 a month Denise was getting for their two daughters, but Denise is now saying that’s a lie so he can hide his coins from her.

And she wants a new payday. Denise’s legal people are asking a judge to force Charlie into paying some back child support, saying:

“[Charlie] has squandered over $24,000,000 from the sale in his interest in ‘Two and a Half Men’ to pay his personal debts and to support his extravagant lifestyle at the expense of support payments for his children … During the time frame since our last stipulation/order in 2016 he has failed to pay $450,000 in support while diverting over $600,000 in assets to adult family members and converting thousands of dollars into cash for his own personal use.”

Of course, Charlie Sheen is denying the whole thing in his own unique way:

“D and her legal posse traffic only in fiction. My day in court is painfully overdue. She is behaving like a coward and the truth will prevail.”

I see a very special courtroom episode for the next season of RHoBH.

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So, Jennifer Lopez has a new movie opening where she plays a stripper—I’m thinking it’s called the Jennifer Lopez Story or something.

Anyway … she plays a stripper seeking vengeance against some rich customers and because of that “female empowerment” angle, some folks on social media are now saying that … wait for it … it’s really rich … JLo will get an Oscar nomination.

Seriously? JLo on a pole is Oscar-worthy?

Be afraid, JLo, of walking downstairs ahead of Elizabeth Berkley, who was robbed of an Oscar nod for Showgirls.

Amirite?

Sidenote: there should be an award for how she keeps her face from moving.

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When famous people divorce, you always get that obligatory “irreconcilable differences” line and the plea for privacy during their difficult time.

Not so, in the case of Family Values High Priestess Sarah Plain, whose husband Todd filed for divorce after 31 years of marriage and dragged his soon-to-be-ex through the mud in his filing.

In court documents Todd Plain asked to dissolve the marriage citing an “incompatibility of temperament between the parties such that they find it impossible to live together as husband and wife.”

In other words, he cannot stand to be in the same room as his wife.

What took you so long Todd?

PS Once you get that Silkwood scrubdown to remove every trace of Mama Grizzly Bore™ from you, gimme a call. You’re kinda hot.

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How I missed this Kardastrophe catastrophe I do not know, but apparently Mister Kim Kardastrophe—Kanye, I believe is his name—was building a low-income housing project that looked a little like Luke Luke Skywalker’s domed desert house on Tatooine in the backyard of his Calabasas home and never got a permit.

Permit? He’s a Kardastrophe, people!

Well, the neighbors saw Kanye Town going up in the backyard and instantly alerted the authorities who put the kibosh on the build after realizing that all the structures in Kanye’s backyard were permanent, and not prototypes—which is what he claimed they were. They gave Kanye until September 15th to come up with the proper permits, but I guess they made him pissy because all of the structures have been destroyed.

Too bad, Kanye Town might have been a good amusement park … The Ego-Tilt-a-Whirl … The Off Your Meds Roller Coaster … The House of Mirrors that makes your ass look enormous.

Could’a been huge.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Pete Buttigieg, Democratic presidential hopeful, on standing out in a crowded Democratic field: 

“The way you survive the Flavor of the Month period, or with 20 of us it’s probably a Flavor of the Week period… But the way that you do it is through substance. You gotta make sure that you’re putting forward something that others aren’t, or at least that you’ve got a fresh and different vocabulary that can reach people who maybe have tuned us out.”

He’s right, because right now he’s new, he’s different, he’s got a lot of people talking. But will that translate to the primaries which are many months away?

Personally, I think Pete has the staying power.

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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Democratic Congressperson, on Jared Kushner’s use of WhatsApp to communicate with Saudi officials and lax security at the White House:

“Reports are suggesting that we are conducting foreign relations by people with security clearances via WhatsApp! Every day that we go on without getting to the bottom of this matter is a day that we are putting hundreds if not potentially thousands of Americans at risk. I mean, really, what is next, putting nuclear codes in Instagram DMs? This is ridiculous.”

It’s been reported that _____ overruled security clearance denials by career employees for 25 individuals in his administration, but, hey, it’s only national security.

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George Clooney, actor and activist, to the critics who say his call for a boycott of the Dorchester Collection, hotels owned by the government of Brunei, after Brunei announced it would implement a “death by stoning” punishment for gay sex, would hurt hotel staff:

“I share those concerns, but to equate their situation with the fact that this week the 5th richest country in the world would take a young woman who is found to be gay, bury her up to her neck and have 25 men throw stones at her head until she is dead seems unfathomable. This exact argument was used during the Montgomery Bus Boycott in 1955. And yes, a lot of hard working, presumably innocent bus drivers were hurt… but no one would argue that the boycott was for the far greater good. These are very expensive hotels, but the bulk of their business isn’t individuals but companies. I’ve been to these hotels when I was doing press events set up by the studios. I don’t know any companies that want to put money in the pocket of a murderer once they know.”

He’s right; while it may hurt the employees, I think trying to stop the death by stoning of gay people is worth that.

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Hogan Gidley, White House spokes-tool, on cutting aid to Puerto Rico …though he cannot be bothered to say “Puerto Rico”:

 “With all they’ve done in that country, they’ve had a systematic mismanagement of the goods and services we’ve sent to them. You’ve seen food just rotting in the ports. Their governor has done a horrible job. He’s trying to make political hay in a political year, and he’s trying to find someone to take the blame off of him for not having a grid and not having a good system in that country at all.”

Oh, and he repeats Trump’s “$91 billion” lie cuz he’s a pandering asshat.

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Sarah Palin, complaining that she was not invited to John McCain’s funeral:

“I was kind of surprised to be publicly disinvited to the funeral.”

She is thirsty for attention because you cannot be disinvited if you were never invited in the first place. And, since you were a stain on McCain’s legacy, why let you sit in a pew?

Back to the trailer, Meth-head Barbie.

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Matt Gaetz, Florida Republican, argued against transgender rights at a hearing on the Equality Act:

“Consider this possibility — if President Trump were to say, I am now the first female president? Who would celebrate that? Would those who support the legislation think that’s a good thing, or would they be dismayed? Bad actors have already weaponized some ostensible equality laws for their own benefit.”

Seriously, Republicans? You elected this kind of stupid? Are you ashamed of yourselves at all?

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Pramila Jayapal, Democratic Congresswoman, at that same Equality Act hearing:

“My beautiful, now-22-year-old child told me last year that they were gender non-conforming. And over the last year, I have come to understand from a deeply personal mother’s perspective. I came to understand what their newfound freedom—it is the only way I can describe what has happened to my beautiful child — what their newfound freedom to wear a dress, to rid themselves of some conformist stereotype of who they are, to be able to express who they are at their real core. Since this deeply impactful moment last year, my child’s embracing of their non-conforming gender identity and all it allows in their brilliance, their self-expression, the only thought I wake up with every day is, ‘My child is free. My child is free to be who they are.’ And in that freedom comes a responsibility for us as legislators to protect that freedom to be who they area.”

And there you have the fundamental difference between most Republicans and most Democrats; Republicans trade in fear and hate and lies, and Democrats work with acceptance and understanding.

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