I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Well, Constance Wu seems to be loving her diva attitude … at least until the phone stops ringing and she stops getting hired.

Now the Crazy Rich Asians and Fresh Off the Boat ‘star’ is accused to sh*tting all over a rented penthouse. Well, to be fair, Wu rented the penthouse and then allowed her pet bunny—oh, isn’t she just so twee—roam wild around the space and take dumps wherever it pleased.

Wu rented the $6.5 million Chelsea apartment in NYC while she was filming Hustlers with JLo and, without the owner’s consent, she brought along her pet rabbit, Lida Rose, who proceeded to defecate and pee freely all over the place.

A housekeeper—hired by the owner to clean once a week—noticed the piss-and-shiz show and told the owner, who warned Wu to keep her pet in its cage, but Constance Wu only cares about Constance Wu so she ignored the warnings and the defecation continued until the owner eventually called Wu’s management and threatened to throw her out.

Wu is not talking because she’s an irresponsible egotistical wannabe star who will be a has-been before you know it … with a bunny who poops in a cardboard box under an LA overpass.

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If you’d ever thought that the Kardastrophe Koven was just a petri dish of incestuous relationships, you’re right on the mark.

Tyga, who is Kylie Kardastrophe’s—let’s face it, she’d lose the Jenner as fast as she could if given the chance—ex-boyfriend, was once married to Jordan Craig.

Jordan Craig has a child with Tristan Thompson.

Tristan has a child with Khloe Kardastrophe.

Tyga also has a kid with Blac Chyna.

Blac Chyna has a child with Rob Kardastrophe.

Do those people not know anyone else they can date or impregnate or be impregnated by?

That whole Klan needs a Silkwood Scrubdown™.

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When a family has spent decades relying on one person to pay their bills and buy them shiz, what does that family do when the Coin Machine™ is dead? Send them out on the road as a hologram.

Yes, Dead Whitney is going on tour because the Houston family needs the coins. Despite the fact she’s been dead for seven years, Whitney Houston’s estate is planning on releasing a new album and sending Whitney out on tour in the form of a hologram.

Estate executor, and sister-in-law to Dead Whitney, Pat Houston has plans for a Dead Whitney album, a Dead Whitney Tour, and a Dead Whitney Broadway musical because even a Dead Whitney makes more money than Pat Houston, or the family.

Funny thing, though, in 2016 there was supposed to be a duet between Dead Whitney the Hologram and Christina Aguilera, but Pat put the kibosh on that because it was tacky. I think they thought it was tacky because Christina would get some of the coins and the Houston’s want all of them for themselves.

It’s all about the coins that can be made off selling your dead family member,like Whitney Houston: Dead In Concert!

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So, to recap … two years ago Real Housewives of New York City‘s very own ex-Countess and wannabe singer Luann De Lesseps was arrested for trying to have sex in an empty hotel room and then attacking the police officers dispatched to haul her drunk ass to jail.

To avoid jail time. Luann agreed to go to rehab, and, to be fair, she did complete that stint, only to be released and start a new life as ex-con, ex-countess, ex-drunk cabaret star Luann De Lesseps.

But then she had a relapse and was sent back to rehab where she stayed for less than three weeks before leaving to take her act—whatever that is—on the road.

And that brings us to her third strike; Luann recently violated her probation by admitting to her parole officer that she’d had some cocktails after one of her recent “shows”. She says she just had mimosas, which aren’t really drinks, unless you’re a three-time arrestee who can’t stay sober for more than a few months at a time.

And the judge who heard her sob story was all, Sorry, bitch, and put her in handcuffs. Luckily, she wasn’t taken to jail, but  she was hit with more conditions added to her probation …

She will have a breathalyzer in her car, making it impossible for her to drive drunk, for which America thanks the judge; she will be getting weekly telephone counseling sessions, for which she cannot use the bartender at the nearest Red Lobster; she will have monthly in-person meetings with a psychiatrist; and she must start taking the prescription drug Antabuse, which treats alcoholism by giving Luann the effects of a very severe hangover should have even one drink … including a mimosa.

Luann’s representative, which may or may not be one of her drinking buddy backup dancers, told the media:

“She looks forward to completing the last couple months of probation and putting this entire situation behind her and moving on with her life.”

Funny, that’s what she said the first time she got arrested, and then when she went to rehab, and then when she fell off the wagon and went to rehab again.

It’s the same old song. Hey, maybe she could find a spot for that in her cabaret act?

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Boy George is a bit of a diva, though nowhere near Wu-level diva-ness, but … as a judge on The Voice Australia one contestant got under the Boy’s skin and he was off … literally.

During the blind auditions 20-year-old Daniel Shaw sang Beneath Your Beautiful while playing the piano, and it made all four judges—Kelly Rowland, Guy Sebastian, Delta Goodrem, and Boy George—turn their chairs and hope he’d pick them. Boy George asked if Daniel played guitar, and Daniel replied:

“I can play guitar, but no one really cares if I play guitar.”

Now, there was a touch of rudeness there, and Boy wasn’t having it. He asked:

“No one cares?” 

When Daniel shook his head, Boy George said:

“I do.”

Then he suggested Daniel pick any other judge, grabbed his phone and left the building!

Of course, though, because there's a contract and a check involved, the Boy came back and claimed he’d misheard Daniel.

“I just misheard what was said, and I just went, you know when you go in the moment? I am kind of fine now and I’m a bit embarrassed. I’m cool, I’m not annoyed, I was just annoyed in the moment. I’ve got to go and find somewhere not to be embarrassed. I’ll have to be tied to my seat.”

Now, to be fair, that’s not high gossip, because he came back, but it does give me a moment to share my favorite Boy George story: years ago, during the height of Culture Club realness, Boy was in Japan doing a photo shoot. After they put him in his wardrobe, he announced that he didn’t like the pants because they reminded him of a cheap hotel …

"No ballroom."

Get it?

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It's Snarkurday!

I loves me some RuPaul’s Drag Race; drag is an art form and the men, and women, who do it, are amazing. So, yeah, I’ve been watching forever and was surprised when the show left Logo this year for VH1; but it must have been a good move because viewership is way up.

What isn’t good about the new season: Wendy Williams. See, in addition to airing the show, VH1 has added Fierce Fridays, a live Drag Race viewing party with host Wendy Williams and frequent Drag Race judge Ross Matthews, but not everyone is happy about that.

This week, former Drag queen Detox Instagrammed a Facebook post by drag performer Stephanie Stone who, like me, is none too happy about Williams having anything to do with drag, with gay people, with the LGBTQ community. Stone reminded Drag Race fans that in 2009, on an episode of The Wendy Williams Show, audience member and drag performer Erick Atoure Aviance was threatened with expulsion from the crowd if she attempted to appear on-camera or draw attention to herself while wearing a dress and high heels. [The show issued an apology after the incident became news.]:

“All I remember is when Wendy Williams had Erick Atoure Aviance removed from her studio audience for being in drag … now she’s doing the pre-show for drag race, when are folks gonna realize not everyone’s your ‘friend of the community.’”

I used to find Williams funny and quirky and enjoyed her show every so often, but then she began appearing a little transphobic during Bruce Jenner’s transition to Caitlyn. She often used the name ‘Bruce’ and the pronoun ‘him’ when talking about Jenner, even long after anyone with a brain knew better. And that’s offensive, plain and simple.

When a person transitions, you call them by the name they prefer and use the gender pronouns with which they identify, and if you don’t, as Williams did more than once—which is why I stopped watching and wrote to tell her so—you are an ass.

Anyhoo, since Stone’s remarks, other Drag Race stars have started to complain about Williams being a part of the franchise. Alaska Thunderfuck also took issue with William’s treatment of Caitlyn Jenner during her transition:

“Frankly, I think the decision to make Wendy Williams one of the hosts of the weekly spots framing commercial breaks for RuPaul’s Drag Race’s weekly broadcast is tone deaf, untimely and incorrect. I used to watch Wendy’s Hot Topics daily, and some of the things she said during Caitlyn Jenner’s very public transition were beyond questionable. At that time, much of the nation was learning to navigate trans visibility for the first time and needed guidance and clarity from the media. But instead Wendy repeatedly spouted ignorance and transphobic rhetoric to a daily audience of millions. I don’t watch her show anymore. And I certainly don’t think she is the right person to be hosting our community’s flagship television program.”

Word. And so maybe y’all who watch should let Ru and VH1 know that Williams is no friend of the LGBTQ community and we know so because she says so.

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So, earlier this month, Blac Chyna and Rob Kardastrophe found themselves in the middle of an ugly custody battle over their daughter Kream Dream.

But now Chyna has taken aim at another old beau, and Baby Daddy, Rob’s half-sister’s boyfriend, Tyga, claiming that Tyga doesn’t pay child support—no surprise, since he’s being sued for not paying his rent and every car he “buys” gets repo’d. But maybe Chyna should have thought twice about opening this second can of words because it looks like Rob and Tyga are teaming up to take her down—ordered to do so, no doubt, by That Woman.

Sources—and it’s clearly Khloe—say Tyga and Rob became close after Rob and Chyna imploded, and now Chyna says the two Baby Daddies are ganging up and spreading lies about her ... like the one from Tyga where he says she wants him back.

Chyna says the only reason she speaks to Tyga is to ask for more coins for their son and that when she called him to ask about nannies and salaries he obviously thought she was asking for a hook-up.

Look, here’s the deal ... that family is a clusterfuck that hooks up with clusterfucks—Lamar, Scott, Kanye, Tyga, Blac Chyna—to keep themselves in the news and on TV, whether it’s Chyna and Rob, or Chyna and Tyga, or Chyna and Kylie and Rob and Tyga.

That’s their game and they are masters at it.

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Janet Hubert played Aunt Viv on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air from 1990 to 1993 until being replaced by Daphne Reid for the show’s last three seasons. Back in 2009, Hubert aired her laundry saying she’d been replaced because she overshadowed Will Smith and refused to suck up to him or take a pay cut.

I tend to believe that, and the fact that Hubert cannot move on ... I mean, it’s been over twenty years, girl, switch to a new story.

Anyway, recently there was a Fresh Prince of Bel Air cast reunion at an event for Karyn [Hillary] Parson’s charity, Sweet Blackberry and everyone was there except for James [Uncle Phil] Avery who passed in 2013, and Janet Hubert. And when Alfonso [Carlton] Ribeiro posted a photo of the castmembers together with a message about James Avery, Hubert was livid and, as celebrities who are over tend to do, took it to Facebook:

“I know the media hoe Alphonso Ribero [sic] has posted his so called reunion photo. Folks keep telling me about it. He was always the ass wipe for Will. There will never be a true reunion of the Fresh Prince. I have no interest in seeing any of these people on that kind of level. I am not offended in the least, by this photo… it was an event for Karen’s [sic] charity. It does however prompt me to take some meetings in Hollywood to pitch my memoir PERFECTION IS NOT A SITCOM MOM, and tell of the behind the scenes story before I leave this earth.”

Honey, please, you need to channel your anger into a new direction say towards learning how to spell the names correctly of the people you used to work with and are now dogging on social media.

Failing that, please keep quiet.

[Janet Hubert, Cast] 

Gwyneth Paltrow took to her lifestyle blog to tell women what they should do if they want to enjoy anal sex and my first thought was “WTF does GOOP know about anal sex?”

Then I remembered ... she's a tight ass.

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Last week, George Lopez was scheduled to appear on “The View” and “Late Night With Seth Meyers” to talk his new TV show but apparently cancelled both appearances. His team says he’s “taking a break from traveling after being on the road. He injured his knee and he didn’t go to New York because of his health, but he’s fine.”

But is there truth to the rumor that Lopez canceled “The View” to avoid addressing a lewd comment he’d made to one of his fans on social media regarding Ivanka Trump?

After posting a photo of two dogs mating to Instagram, a fan asked Lopez when they were going to "pimp Ivanka because backpage is calling her name right now."

Lopez said, "She's ready!"

Not very nice and it makes one wonder if he cancelled The View so he wouldn’t be forced to explain his rude comment to a table filled with women.

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Cuba Gooding Jr. experienced the TwitterRage last weekend after a photo surfaced of him lifting up the dress of “American Horror Story: Roanoke” co-star Sarah Paulson at LA’s PaleyFest.

As Kathy Bates was being introduced, Paulson greeted the actress and then Gooding grabbed her sheath from behind; Paulson initially shrieked but then seemed to shrug it off.

Social media wasn’t so kind ...

“@cubagoodingjr hi, dude. did you apologize to Sarah? you should if you didn’t bc what you did was Gross and Disrespectful.”

“FYI the reason @MsSarahPaulson is smiling is bc @MsKathyBates, then screams out of shock at the disrespectful actions of @cubagoodingjr.”

“Um… so is @cubagoodingjr allowed to get away with lifting @MsSarahPaulson skirt at @paleycenter? Total disrespect to a woman.”

This is not new for Gooding Jr. His erratic behavior has raised eyebrows before, like when he gave an expletive-filled speech at the Footwear News Achievement Awards in December, while presenting an award to designer pal John Varvatos. Or when he drunkenly hits on strange women in bars.

Methinks Cuba needs to lay off the sauce and stay away from women. Or become besties with George Lopez?

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Luckily for Full House Fuller House’s Jodie Sweetin that she found out, now ex, fiancé Justin Hodak is kind of a douche before making him her fourth husband.

Last week, Jodie’s rep confirmed that she and Hodak were done after being together for over three years, though the rep failed to elaborate. But maybe it’s because he was arrested three times in nine days ... ?

Arrest #1 – On March 18, Jodie called police after Justin showed up to her house and threatened to kill himself. When cops arrived they found Justin—a convicted felon who cannot possess a firearm—had a gun. He was arrested and Jodie got an emergency protective order against him.

Arrest #2 – On March 24, Justin went back to Jodie’s house and was arrested for violating the order.

Arrest #3 – On March 27, Justin was arrested a third time for violating the order again by driving past Jodie’s house.

And so now Jodie is talking, saying that Justin has thrown stuff at her during fights, fought with security guards at the studio where Fuller House shoots and even showed up to her children’s school. She also claims Justin “abuses” weed and booze, and recently started doing roids, which elevates his anger to new levels of scary.

Three years in and you just found this out. Jodie? Maybe after three marriages you should be single and celibate for a while.

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Sad news ... in 2012, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, one of Hollywood’s more endearing long-term couples, announced they were separating after 30 years of marriage. But then a few months later they called it off and all seemed right with the world until this week ...

Danny and Rhea are separated again, and though they might never get together again, he says they are still great friends:

“Oh, absolutely, we’re really close. Well, we’ve been friends for 40-something years. We love each other.”

He did not go into details about what lead to the split, though the 2012 split may have been due to Danny’s wandering penis.

And that’s an image I’ll be trying to Silkwood Scrub from my brain for the rest of the day.

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Remember when Michael Strahan left Kelly and Michael for GMA and everyone assumed it was because Kelly was a diva?

Maybe not so much, because now folks are saying Strahan is “ruffling feathers” at GMA and the other hosts are tired of him receiving preferential treatment:

“They roll out the carpet for [Strahan] while seasoned talent is treated like dirt. He’s been given a lot of opportunity, flexibility, when the others who have been working there longer don’t get that kind of treatment.”

Strahan signed a special deal that allows him to continue to analyze football at “Fox NFL Sunday” and host ABC’s “$100,000 Pyramid” though he was forced to drop most of his lucrative endorsement deals when he joined the show.

And now Pop News Minion, Lara Spencer ALLEGEDLY feels like her role has been minimized to make room for Mike, who is now doing a lot of what Lara used to do on the show while she does some garage sale show on HGTV.

And now it looks like pint-sized cutie George Stephanopoulos is also over Mike because he’s “bored with the fluff. He goes into work, does the show and leaves by 8:57 a.m. He doesn’t interact. He’s been phoning it in for quite some time.”

An ABC News exec says Spencer has fully welcomed Strahan into the fold and that “they get along great.” He also says Lara gets a bigger shot in the after 8AM segment and so there is no rift.

An ABC rep also added:

“We’ve tripled our lead over the ‘Today’ show [in total viewers]. The show has never been better.”

And since it’s all about ratings and ratings are dollars, don’t expect big changes, or a Strahan-free GMA anytime soon.

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It's Snarkurday!

It seems like just yesterday Taylor Swift and Tom Hiddleston started their fake romance and … well, it was really just yesterday; but now it’s over quicker than you can say Taylor Swift has a new boyfriend.

And Team TayTay is spinning the breakup that she was uncomfortable with Hiddleston’s need for the spotlight — though she was the one dressed as the Queen Mother when they took a Paparazzi Walk™ during Week One of their “relationship.”

A source close to the couple — and I believe it was Hello Kitty — says:

“She was the one to put the brakes on the relationship. Tom wanted the relationship to be more public than she was comfortable with. Taylor knew the backlash that comes with public displays of affection but Tom didn’t listen to her concerns when she brought them up.”

Huh, because this is the girl who turns every relationship she’s ever had into a song and he wanted to be more public.

Sit down Taylor.

Now, on Tom Hiddleston’s side comes the rumor that he broke up with her because he was bored watching a life-sized Kepwie Doll reenact the Transformation of Sandy scene in a nightly reboot of Grease.

Friends of Hiddleston — it sounds like a support group — are coming forward to claim it he who decided to give Swifty the boot because he was ‘tired of her.’ Of course, they also seem to suggest that Hiddleston has a ‘three month rule’ with the women he dates and that TayTay felt like a ‘three year date.’

Look, I really don’t know who dumped who, and I really don’t care; I’m just glad I can go back to having those kinds of dreams about Hiddleston without having Taylor Swift dressed in Pink Cotton Candy come into the dream as well.

In Lindsay Lohan News …

Remember back in 2013 when she tried to sue Pitbull, saying he’d caused her “emotional distress” by rapping the lyric “I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan” in his song Give Me Everything and the courts told her to go away?

And in 2015 another court threw out Lindsay and Mama Dina’s lawsuit against Fox News for saying that they do coke together?

Well, this week the New York state appeals court got to play the Kick Lindsay Lohan and Her Stupid Lawsuits To The Curb game by throwing out the lawsuit she filed against the makers of Grand Theft Auto V because she says they created a video game version of a coke-addicted cracktress that Lohan just knew was based on her.

I guess if you don’t have a career and need to make some coins, and the money you get being a low-rent, yacht-going, chain-smoking, vodka-drinking call girl isn’t enough, you turn to the courts for cash.

Oh Tyga, when will you learn that is you just pay for stuff then people won’t repo it?

Yes, Tyga — Kylie Jenner’s TV boyfriend-hook-up — had his 2014 Maybach 62 S Landaulet repo’d from a Laguna Beach car repair shop where it had been sitting, unpaid for, for months.

Just make the payments, dumbass, and no one will come for your ride.

So, last week Chris Brown was arrested for ALLEGEDLY threatening former Miss California Regional Baylee Curran with a gun in his home.

The story goes that Chris had refused to come out of his house when police showed up after Curran called them, and instead took to social media to videotape his plight and ALLEGEDLY throw a bag of guns and drugs out a window.

Well, Brown’s mouthpiece, Mark Geragos, slithered from the slime to say that no firearms or drugs  were found in Brown’s house and claimed the whole mess was based on “false information.” Except, you know, this is Chris Brown we’re talking about.

Geragos says he was called by Brown during the standoff and advised his client not to come outside his home or to consent to anything, and to wait for him to get there … after he rinsed off that primordial ooze he sleeps in”

“From the best of my knowledge, for the entire time I was there, there was no gun — or guns — found in that house whatsoever. There were no drugs, that I’m aware, that were found in that house whatsoever.”

That’s a lot of “whatoevers” in there; Geragos should learn to throw in a few “here-to-fores” and some “notwithstandings” if he wants to earn his coins.

Now, to be fair, and I will be, even to Chris Brown, it appears Curran’s story is full of holes; while she said Brown “menaced” her with a gun after she took notice of another man’s “jewelry” — I’m not sure if that’s a euphemism or not — none of the six witnesses supported Curran’s story though I believe most are on the Brown payroll, so, yeah, there’s that.

Geragos maintains Curran was asked to leave “because she was acting in an erratic manner” and so she made up the whole mess. Apparently she sent friends a text that read:

“Chris Brown is kicking me out of his house because I called his friend’s jewelry fake, can you come get me?”

She then, ALLEGEDLY, texted that if she couldn’t get picked up she would “set him up and call the cops and say he tried to shoot me and that will teach him a lesson.”

Curran denies sending the texts.

Look, I don’t know if Brown pulled a gun on this girl, or if this girl is just a mess of a human being, but I do know that barely a week goes by without reports of Brown with guns or Brown being abusive towards women.

So, again, yeah, there’s that.

Rumor had it that Tom Hiddleston went after Taylor Swift to raise his profile because he wanted to play James Bond now that My-Husband-In-My-Head, Daniel Craig, announced he’d rather slit his wrists than play Bond again.

Hiddleston was on the short list of Bond producer Barbara Broccoli’s names to be the new Bond, alongside Idris Elba, Tom Hiddleston, Michael Fassbender, Luke Evans, Aidan Turner and Charlie Hunnam. But Sony Pictures doesn’t want to mess with a good paycheck and so they’ve offered to send trainloads of cash to Daniel Craig if he’ll just do a couple of more pictures.

And so they have offered him $150 million dollars to do Bond just two more times.

I have written to Sony and told them that I will play Bond for just $75 million, thereby saving them half a trainload of coins, but I haven’t heard back yet.

Meanwhile, back at Lindsay Lohan …

Since she cannot make any money doing films, and she cannot get her Russian fiancé away from the hookers and to the church, and she cannot get Vladimir Putin to pay her way to Russia, she’s doing what she does best: trying to get some media attention so maybe someone will pay for an interview and she can stock up on ciggies and booze again.

See, this past week Lohan was in Mykonos and was spotted wearing a ring with a good-sized yellow gem in it on that finger.

She’s reportedly been hanging in Greece with restaurant owner Dennis Papageorgiou and so maybe he’s become her fiancé, or checkbook, of the month now that Egor has gone back to Russian whores.

Britney Spears appears to have taken a page from the Lohan Book of Making Coins because her team of lawyers has threatened to sue In Touch Weekly for saying BritBrit was acting “erratic” at the VMAs last week.

InTouch claims  Spears was ALLEGEDLY “talking and laughing to herself” and speaking in a British accent again … Wait, so is she doing Lohan or Madonna? 

Anyway, Britney’s lawyers sent a threatening letter to the rag saying the story was “utterly false, highly defamatory and completely offensive to Ms. Spears” especially since she’s worked really hard to step out of the shadow of her former image of being erratic and talking to herself like she was Mary Poppins.

And now, this last weekend, Kanye West held another fashion show for his post-apocalyptic women’s wear and it was a literal hot mess.

The Yeezy fashion show, held on Roosevelt Island in New York, was supposed to start at 3 but was more than 2 hours late — Kanye was probably trying to squeeze Kim’s ass into one of his “designs” — and, as he did last year, the models stood utterly still for hours. Except this was outside and it was nearly ninety degrees and several of the models, who hadn’t eaten since 2004, toppled over from the heat while hordes of invited fashion editors left the scene.

Even worse, is that Kanye’s minions did nothing to help these girls so some members of the audience helped the fallen to their feet, gave them water and a TicTac™ until the show finally began. And that was even messier because some of the shoes Kanye used were so broke, or so small, the models couldn’t walk in them.

Seriously, Kanye, a model’s job is to stand and walk and you couldn’t even get them to do that in your drab line of Spandex-wear?