i Ain't One to Gossip But ...

Wow, this bitch … this past week embattled “Housewife” Erika Jayne seemed to compare herself to Jesus Christ over the public scrutiny she’s faced for her ongoing legal troubles in which she looks like a con artist stealing money from widows and orphans.

A “fan” of the grifter posted a message to social media implying that being slammed in the court of public opinion is the same as Jesus being crucified on the cross:

And Erika Jayne liked being compared to Jesus until people started coming for her:

“Erika Jayne comparing herself to Christ is … absolutely insane.  This woman has lost her damn mind.”

“Erika Jayne is pulling a Vicki Gunvalson comparing her own (self imposed) drama to the crucifixion of Christ….. Girl PUHLEASEEEEEEE”

And because Erika is a vindictive child she battled back with this:

Oh Erika, you aren’t anything near Christ-like. You stayed married for over twenty years to a man who paid for your every whim, like being an aging pop star, and when he slipped some $25 million in your LLC bank account, that you knew wasn’t yours, you spent it willingly.

And you only left your husband minutes before the scandal broke that he was stealing from victims of an airplane crash.

Again, not Christ-like.

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There’s a simple rule about comedy: don’t try it unless you know you’re funny. Amirite, Barbara Corcoran?

Corcoran is feeling the heat after a body shaming “joke” about Whoopi Goldberg on the View. It happened last week when Corcoran, a Shark Tank judge visited the show with Good American CEO and founder Emma Grede, who is set to become the first Black, female guest shark on Shark Tank. During their conversation, The View co-host Sunny Hostin raved about Good American‘s size-inclusive jeans, and Whoopi Goldberg, a comedian, made a joke, saying:

“Will they fit this COVID [butt]?”

Barbara responded with:

“When you get finished with those jeans, and decide you don’t like them, give them to me. I’m gonna make two pairs.” 

The camera then panned to Whoopi, who looked both shocked and unamused, while co-host, and No Fucks Left To Give, Ana Navarro jumped in to defend her and threw a jab at the floral-print dress Barbara was wearing.

“Whoopi, let me just tell you something. Both Sara Haines and Jill Biden wore [Corcoran’s] dress already, on TV.” 

Lessons learned:

Barbara Corcoran should leave the so-called comedy to the comedians.

Fat-shaming anyone, even a comedian, is not a joke.

Ana Navarro will always have your back.

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After the film adaptation of his original production of Cats flopped in theaters in 2019, receiving a litter of scathing reviews, Andrew Lloyd Webber got a therapy dog:

“I saw [Cats], and I just thought, ‘Oh, God, no!’ It was the first time in my 70-odd years on this planet that I went out and bought a dog. So the one good thing to come out of it is my little Havanese puppy.”

I didn’t see Cats because I’m trying to cut out cheese, but I heard a lot of people needed therapy after watching the film.

Sidenote—and this slays me: after spending the entire lockdown together, Lloyd Webber petitioned to have the dog allowed on a plane, and when the airline asked if he could “prove” that he needed the dog, Lloyd said:

“Yes, just see what Hollywood did to my musical Cats."

To which they responded with:

“No doctor’s report required.”

Snap.

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Katie Couric really has nothing new going on, so she wrote a book, Going There, in which she trashes just about everyone.

She says Prince Harry reeked of alcohol and cigarettes when she met him at a polo match decades ago during his hard partying days.

She sang a stupid song to the Martha Stewart and when she didn’t laugh, Katie dubber her a humorless C U Next Tuesday.

She writes about a 2010 dinner at Jeffrey Epstein’s house with Prince Andrew, Chelsea Handler, Woody Allen and Soon-Yi Previn, George Stephanopoulos and Charlie Rose, and says her seventeen years younger boyfriend, remarked how young the women were who took their coats, and says:

“I couldn’t imagine what Epstein and Andrew were up to, apart from trying to cultivate friends in the media. Which, in retrospect, they must have figured they’d need when the pedophilia charges started rolling in.”]

Um, Katie, in 2010, before you accepted his invite, Epstein had already been convicted and served time for procuring a child for prostitution, so your now faux outrage doesn’t fit.

Couric, who covered for Today co-host Deborah Norville in 1991 when Norville took maternity leave, says she got Norville’s job because Norville was “too pretty” at a time in the morning when people were still getting ready for the day.

Norville was too pretty? How feminist of you, Katie.

Katie saw Today as her “turf” and kept an eye on any woman who was “younger and cuter” like Ashleigh Banfield whose “father was telling anyone who’d listen that she was going to replace me.”

Banfield has already hit back at the lie, saying that at the time she was reporting from a war zone in Afghanistan and her father made a comment that he’d like to have NBC give Ashleigh a desk job, and to Katie that was an assault.

Other targets in Katie’s book include Joan Rivers, possibly because Joan saw through her and hated her; she says she once went on a date with Michael Jackson and said he had a hand like a dead fish; she slams  Neil Simon, whom she also dated, because he was ALLEGEDLY too old, or too turned off, to fuck; she says Larry King once came at her tongue-first and tried to jump her bones.

And she especially loathed her rival Diane Sawyer as the two battled to be the top star in morning TV news and told her bosses:

"That woman must be stopped."

Couric says she and Sawyer battled over interviews and talks about the time Katie got an exclusive with two teens who had been abducted because her team pointed out that she was a widowed mother of two girls, while Sawyer was just a stepmother. 

And then she has the balls to say that Sawyer’s interview with the late Whitney Houston was exploitative, and that Sawyer used Houston's personal troubles to get good sound bites. 

But, and this is rich, she actually texted “I love you and care about you deeply” to serial predator Matt Lauer after he was fired for sexual harassment.

Tying it all up, Katie Couric hates women who are younger and prettier, funnier, more talented, but dines with child rapists and loves sexual predators.

Little Miss Perky is also quite a bitch, apparently.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

I adore Patti LuPone. She’s talented, brassy, ballsy, bold and has exactly zero fucks left to give. Even when it comes to old feuds like her decades long-running tiff with Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber.

La LuPone, as I call her, is returning to Broadway this spring with the revival of Stephen Sondheim’s Company and so she’s doing some press; and whenever Patti does press her tiff with ALW comes up. Now, Patti dished ALW in her 2011 memoir Patti LuPone: A Memoir and last year he countered with memories of her in his own book Unmasked: A Memoir, in which he dragged La LuPone for her diction. As you know, and if you don’t WTF is wrong with you, La LuPone was the original Evita and ALW still had a few notes for her about her performance.

Here’s how Patti found that out in a recent interview:

Did you read Andrew Lloyd Webber’s memoir?

No. Am I in it?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, dear.

The interviewer tells her that Andy “rehashed the expected stuff” like their falling out when ALW fired her from the Broadway production of Sunset Boulevard and replaced her with Glenn Close, and the interviewer says Andy “made a point of criticizing” La LuPone’s diction. Now, Patti wasn’t surprised by that, and even acknowledged it saying:

“You don’t know, when you’re in the moment, that you’re not enunciating.”

She added that John Houseman used to call her “flannel mouth” back in the day. So, she was fine with the diction comments until she realized he was talking about her performance in Evita:

“How could he talk about “Evita”? The whole thing is sung. He’s a jerk. He’s a sad sack. He is the definition of sad sack. I never wanted to do “Evita,” because it was the most bizarre music I’d ever heard. You’re raised on Rodgers and Hammerstein, Meredith Willson, Lerner and Loewe, and then you hear that? I heard the “Evita” concept album, and I went, ‘Ow, my ear.’”

But then she added:

“I thought ‘Evita’ was the best thing he and Tim Rice did. But the rest of it is schmaltz.”

That’s why I love La LuPone, a compliment and a dig going hand-in-hand.

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When Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan announced they were divorcing after nine years of marriage, they both released the same no-drama statement about their split, saying how much they loved each other, but that they just weren’t going to be married anymore.

How quickly things change … Jenna, who has a book, Gracefully You: Finding Beauty and Balance in the Everyday, to publicize, is now crying about how she found out that Channing and Jessie J were dating … like all of us, or some of us, or none of us … by reading it on the internet.

But here’s the rub … Channing and Jessie J started dating after the Tatum’s split up, so why she is now acting like the scorned spouse is odd … except she has a book to sell and coins to make.

“I was in a state of shock. One week I’d be doing really well and the next I was slammed with a whole new slew of emotions. The rumor mill was churning out story after story. There were many times I hid under the covers, wondering what was next. The pain hit me like a tumbling avalanche. I was completely overcome with fear and sadness. It took many moments of sitting alone with my grief to force me into surrendering to my roller coaster of a situation.”

Funny, all that pain, and that wild roller coaster of an emotional ride didn’t stop Jenna from meeting and dating and hooking up with and having a baby with  Broadway actor Steve Kazee. I wonder if she called Channing to let him know, or if that’s just a one-sided thing … when you have a book to sell.

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Lori Loughlin is hilarious. She’s currently awaiting trial for her :::cough::: ALLEGED role in Operation Varsity Blues where rich people used illegal bribes to get their kids into prestigious universities. Lori stands accused of paying $500,000 to fake some rowing credentials for her daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Giannulli to get them into USC because they weren’t smart enough to get in on their own merits.

But that’s not the funny part; Loughlin pled not guilty, where others—like Felicity Huffman—pled out, and were given very light sentences. And then ,even funnier, Loughlin has now been hit with more charges and funniest of all is that Lori Loughlin has been watching Felicity Huffman’s 13-day prison stay and wants to know what it’s like because she thinks she’ll get the same deal.

Oh Lori, you’ll be going to a Fuller Big House.

For a longer time, too, honey.

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What do you do if you’re tasked with playing a role in a film, like say, oh, I dunno, The Joker, in Suicide Squad, and think you’re gonna ride that part to an Oscar like Heath Ledger did in that Batman movie? And then you don’t. But then you think you’ll take the part on again and play it in a stand-alone film about The Joker’s origin story and you learn that Joaquin Phoenix has gotten your part?

Well, if you’re  Jared Leto you try and try and try … and try to stop the film from happening. And you fail. Kinda because Suicide Squad sucked, and many of your scenes were chopped from the film, and so no one wanted Jared Leto back on film in that role except for Jared Leto. And now, in 2019, that Joker film is killing it at the box office and it looks like its star, Joaquin Phoenix, might get that Joker Oscar.

According to sources familiar with Leto’s behavior, when the Oscar-winning actor—for Dallas Buyer’s Club—learned of the Todd Phillips project, he not only complained to his agents at CAA, who also represent Phillips, but asked his music manager, Irving Azoff, to call the leader of Warners parent company to get Warners to kill the Phillips film if he didn’t get the lead. Sources say Leto felt his agents should have told him about the Phillips project earlier and fought harder for his version of Joker, or at least stopped the rival project, arguing that Leto wasn’t being treated properly as an Oscar winner.

Everyone said, ‘No,’ and now Jared is no longer represented by CAA or Azoff.

Oops.

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What’s that smell? 

It smells like aging Miley Cyrus desperate for attention, but it’s actually 73-year-old Suzanne Somers celebrating her 73rd birthday by posting a picture of herself in her literal birthday suit.

Oh Suzanne, desperation smells terrible at age 26 and even worse at 73.

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What smells glorious is 74-year-old Hellen Mirren at the premiere of her latest film, The Good Liar.

Somers should take notes.

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It's Snarkurday!

Over the years, we’ve heard talk of a Black Bond …Idris Elba … and I could get behind that, or in front of it, too. There was talk of Desperate Bond … Tom Hiddleston … but then Swifty ruined all that. There was even talk of Down Under Bond …. Hugh Jackman and his Huge Ackman. My thoughts are just to leave it on Hot Blond body Bond … Daniel Craig … for a while and, for the love of 007, stop with this Baby Bond Bull Shiz.

Baby Bond. Yup, Lee Smith, one of the editors on Spectre, says the next Bond should be Boy Band Bond, Harry Styles.

I see that going in One Direction … right down the loo.

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Sometimes you think the feud is over, and then an old ember sparks up and the kittens get their claws out again.

Let’s go back … before becoming a hip-hop success stories with his debut … Get Rich or Die Tryin’… Fiddy was an up-and-comer … no shade … who became known for calling rappers out by name on songs like “How to Rob” where he jabbed at Jay-Z, Ma$e, DMX and Big Pun. Now, at that time, Ja Rule was the bigger star and so naturally Fiddy began throwing shade at Ja Rule and Murder Inc. as a staff, record label and as a crew.

And that beef stew has been simmering since then, until last week when Ja Rule turned up the heat and put out a series of homophobic Tweets referring to his rap rival as, among other things, a “power bottom”:

“From now on everyone can refer to @50cent as #ticklebooty not fif not fiddy … #ticklebooty that’s his name call him it to his FACE he ain’t gonna do SH*T… and if he does sue him like he did me…”

And then, in response to a follower who thought “ticklebooty” was funny, Ja Rule Tweeted:

“Nah what’s funny is @50cent let’s women and MEN play with his butthole… that’s kinda funny.”

And clearly, Ja Rule wasn’t done with the Mean Girl stuff, because he kept it up the next day with:

“I really don’t see why people like 50 Cent aka #PowerBottom. He hates on any black man or woman having success… he hates on Diddy, on Jay, on Empire. C’mon how you beefing with Taraji???”

And then he went after Fiddy Fans:

“Haha i got you #ticklebootybandits maaad lmao that’s what I call @50cent Stan’s grown men coming on my page with another mans dick in they mouth your wives/girlfriends must be proud…”

Continuing: 

“Now I know why 50 Cent named his show POWER… #PowerBottom #TickleBooty”

Fiddy, oddly, is taking the high road and has yet to respond, but, seriously, Ja Rule, this is some tween boy in the locker room shiz.

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So, the Oscar nominations came out this week and the one bright shining spot for me was that James Franco did not get a nod. Now, is it because no one likes James Franco as much as James Franco, or is it because in recent weeks stories have broken about him being one of the pervy Hollywood types, and so Oscar gave him a slap? And do I care as long as we’ll have a Franco Free Oscars™?

Good Morning America spoke to two of the five women Franco ALLEGEDLY sexually harassed, and one says Franco is not a Weinstein-level predator … oh well then who cares because on a scale of zero to Weinstein … look, if he’s a predator he’s a predator. Luckily, the other accuser says he’s still a dick … possibly with a tiny dick.

So, Franco is doing damage control which consists of I didn’t do it but if they think I did kinda bull. And some on Team Franco are trying to play him as the victim, saying things like he is “not doing well” and that they are “really worried about him.”

Five women. He’s clearly not doing well because what he ALLEGEDLY did to these five women … and there may be more … affected his chances at Oscar and that’s what has him worried.

Too bad.

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The Queen is gonna have to buy another wedding gift because a few months after Prince Hot Ginger marries That American Girl, Princess Eugenie will marry Jack Brooksbank. And Poor Princess Eugenie, the daughter of Bad Duchess Fergie, might have a time of it all, what with Jack’s grandmother throwing all kinds of shade … and not at Eugenie, but at her own grandson!

Joanna Newton, Jack’s 91-year-old grandmother, thinks her grandson scored in getting a princess because he’s a bit of a dolt:

“I never thought he would get married to a royal. He’s a charming boy and all that but not the most intelligent and I would never have thought this would happen. I think it says a lot about Eugenie that it’s him she wants and it’s lovely.”

Grandma Shade! British Grandma Shade! I wanna sit next to her at the wedding!

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I am no fan of Justin Timberlake in any way shape or form, because he just seems so try hard and full of himself and a little bit squee…take that how you will.

He’s also a bit thick … Timberlake, who recently starred in the latest Woody Allen bomb, Wonder Wheel, was trying to be sort of squee on Twitter by asking this:

“Random question: Can someone please explain the saying, ‘You just want your cake and to eat it too.’ What else am I about to do with a cake??”

Well, Dylan Farrow, who is Woody’s adoptive daughter with Mia Farrow, and who has been speaking out about Woody’s ALLEGED sexual abuse toward her, wasn’t having Justin’s squee-ness and responded:

“The saying means, for example, you can’t support #TimesUp and praise sexual predators at the same time. You can’t retain your credibility as an activist (i.e. - retain the cake) and, at the same time, praise a sexual predator (i.e. - eating the cake).”

She’s referring to Timberlake wearing a TimesUp pin at the Golden Globes and yet praising sexual predator and adopted daughter marrying Allen.

Timberlake ignored Dylan because … what can you say to that and replied to someone else’s explanation.

“THANK YOU! Day changed.#StillPieOverCake”

Still an idiot, too.

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When last we left Class With The Countess author Luann de Lesseps, countess-less and twice-divorced, she was apologizing for getting so drunk in a hotel bar that she tried to have sex with a man in someone else’s room and had to be removed by the police.

Luann played the mea culpa part and vowed to seek treatment for her drunkenness but that may not be enough, and maybe a new book, In The Slammer with Luann is coming out.

It seems that de Lesseps is facing three charged for that whole Palm Beach fiasco: felony for resisting arrest, along with trespassing and disorderly intoxication.

First off, if a Housewife could be jailed for being drunk every incarnation of those shows would have a jailbird season, but still …

Orange could be the new Luann.

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Now that Gwyneth Paltrow is fully Consciously Uncoupled from Chris Martin and Consciously Coupling with Brad Falchuk, she is talking …and when Gwynnie speaks all kinds of crazy things are said.

Paltrow was recently on The Late Show and told Stephen Colbert all kinds of stuff about GOOP, even saying that some of the idiotic stuff she promotes is meant to be idiotic … I guess, at least until you throw coins at Paltrow and buy the stupid shiz and then it’s all good because she’s got the cash.

Yes, she thinks what she’s sells is stupid, but she wants you to buy it because she thinks you’re stupid, too. But this is about what she said about ex-husband Chris Martin:

 “He’s really like my brother. We’re very familial. It’s really nice. It’s great.”

Yup, her ex-husband, the man who screwed at least twice and fathered her two children is like a brother. And when Colbert brought up the whole ickiness of it all she actually said:

“Which would explain the divorce.”

Wow. I wonder how close she is to her real brother, Jake; I mean, is he like a husband to her?

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It looks like Ryan Murphy has one less Feud from which to pick from for his FX series future seasons: Patti LuPone and Andrew Lloyd Webber have made up …and not in some after-life dream sequence like Bette and Joan.

In.Real.Life.

The LuPone-Webber feud goes back decades, after Patti scored on Broadways in ALW’s Evita. So, enamored of LuPone was he, that he begged her to play Norma Desmond in the original London production of Sunset Boulevard and then bring the show to Broadway. But then ALW started an LA production of Sunset, starring Glenn Close, and suddenly Patti was out and Close was on the Great White Way as Norma Desmond.

And Patti found out not from Webber but from reading apiece in Liz Smith’s column; a feud was born. Patti threatened to sue, and they reportedly settled for $1 million, which she used to put a pool in her backyard …a pool she named the “Andrew Lloyd Webber Memorial Pool.”

For years, Patti crapped all over Andy, even dishing great dirt in her memoir about him.  Patti said she was leery of taking on Evita because of how hard it was to sing, and she felt like Webber hated women and loved torturing their vocal cords.

During a 2005 interview with The Washington Post, Patti came for his looks with this:

“And didn’t he look charming last night at the Oscars? All bloated!”

Then just a year ago, she went for ALW jugular in an interview with NY1’s On Stage:

“Webber is a desperate human being. He really is. He created a toxic environment because he didn’t get what he wanted. [The firing] had nothing to do with show business and everything to do with a man that is mentally unstable. And so it infected my life.”

But now all is forgiven, apparently, because Patti has agreed to sing Don’t Cry For Me Argentina during the Grammy’s tribute to Broadway this Sunday night, and she even met with Webber to rehearse the number. And no one was injured during the rehearsal; in fact, Patti started off by saying this, as the two came onstage:

“Hello, Andrew.”

She then turned to the security guards and a phalanx of bodyguards ALW brought and announced:

“This is détente, ladies and gentlemen.”

There were big laughs, Lloyd Webber and LuPone embraced … and went to work.

And a feud died.

Sigh.

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It's Snarkurday!

Oh it looks like Rob Kardastrophe and his baby Mama, Blac Chyna, have broken up ... again.

Well, they at least TV broke up.

Rob says Blac Chyna left him … and took Baby Kream, er, Dream, too. Rob, naturally because he’s from Family Famewhore, showed videos of empty rooms in his house that once held all the furniture for Kream, er, Dream and for Chyna’s son, King, whose Baby Daddy is Rob’s half-sister’s piece Tyga ... ick.

The odd thing though is that, in the videos, where all the rooms are empty—even Rob’s cookies were taken—there is not one shred of evidence that there had ever been furniture in the rooms; no carpet dents; no drag marks. Just perfectly vacuumed rooms, which means that both Rob and Chyna are liars like the rest of that Klan, or Rob decided to tidy up the entire house before posting the videos online.

I’m going with liars.

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Also on the Kardastrophe front, it smells a lot like d-i-v-o-r-c-e in the Kardastrophe-West household lately.

And it isn’t just because Kanye went nuts and had to be hospitalized or just because Kim’s a famewhore who saw that her brother’s drama was overshadowing hers and so she opted for TV drama too.

A source—That Woman, AKA The CryptKeeper—says there was divorce talk before Kanye’s epic meltdown due to the stress Kim felt after the Paris robbery which has, mercifully, kept her off the internet and away from cameras for a few months now. But, the source also says Kim would never divorce Kaye in the middle of his madness so maybe, just maybe, they’ll wait for a Sweeps month when the news will garner bigger ratings.

That makes sense, but ... and ain’t there always a but?

Rumors are swirling, as rumors do, that Kim insisted that Kanye stay away from That Woman’s Christmas party. In fact, Kim showed up alone wearing all her basic accessories except for her wedding ring! Egads! And then, later that night, Kanye showed up to the party despite Kim’s ALLEGED demands that he stay away.

Yikes! The couple is ALLEGEDLY seeking the help of counselors for their own individual issues—Kim’s fear of robbers and Kanye’s lunacy—but aren’t going to therapy together.

Again ... sweeps month and a very special episode of KUWTK.

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There’s a story of Rihanna’s “discovery” in Barbados years back; some say Jay-Z “discovered” her and others say producer and songwriter Evan Rogers “discovered” her a year later and she then sent her “Pon de Replay” demo to various labels and once Jay-Z heard it, he signed her to Def Jam.

But is there another story and do you care? I don’t but I’m’a tell you anyway.

Some say that before Rogers saw Rihanna, British composer Andrew Lloyd Webber took a vacation in Barbados, and he heard her sing and thought about “bringing her back” to the UK to make her a star but he and his creative partner, Nigel Wright, decided not to follow their impulses:

“I said to Nigel, ‘If we bring her back, you know it’s like when you see a picture when you’re away and you take it home and you think, why did I buy that?’ I thought: we’ll get her back, it’ll be fine, but then what do we do with her?”

Wow. Isn’t he just the creepiest thing, acting like Rihanna is a picture that looked good on the cabana wall but really shouldn’t be in the castle.

ALW is just such a pig. Oh, and possibly a lying pig since he’s only began telling this story now and not when Rihanna first hit it big.

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LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian! Those two wacky adulterers!

Eddie finally got an acting job—on TVs Rosewood—co-starring with Morris Chestnut ... yum ... and Jaina Lee Ortiz, a hot Latina with a husband. And since LeAnn knows all about stealing husbands and Eddie’s a serial adulterer, she’s not too happy about Jaina ...

Sources claim Rimes is on a tear because she’s worried Eddie might find Jaina just too much; and it isn’t helping that Jaina gushes about Eddie:

“He’s amazing! He’s Cuban and adds so much of that spice and flavor… he’s so damn fine! Don’t tell my husband I said that, but he knows anyway.”

Now, Jaina may be having fun, but, you know, LeAnn, who wouldn’t be married to Eddie if she hadn’t cheated on her husband with him, and he cheated on his wife with her, years back while they worked together, isn’t happy. And Jaina does seem to fuel the fire, like posting a picture to Instagram of her and her castmates—and Eddie—partying at her 30th birthday in LA, while LeAnn was away in Alabama.

So, it seems LeAnn has gone even crazier ... like telling an interviewer that she loves “skipping” and carries a jump rope with her everywhere. Crazy, I know, but it came just two days after Jaina had posted a photo of herself working out with a jump rope.

And, when Eddie began working with Jaina, LeAnn posted a shot of herself with Max, the dog on Rosewood, just hours after Jaina had done the same thing.

Then in December, when Jaina and Eddie posted a cat-faced Snapchat picture of themselves, LeAnn did the same thing again.

Karma.Krazy.LeAnn.

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So ... Mariah Carey. One of her greatest achievements was when she was asked a question about JLo and uttered the classic line:

“I don’t know her.”

It’s the perfect diss. Try it; when someone asks you about someone you may not particularly care for, say, “I don’t know her/him.” It’s delicious and simply evil. And Mariah knows this because she continues to use it.

While appearing on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, he made her play a game called Does She Know Her. Mariah was asked if she “knows” various pop princesses and she gave some funny answers ... well, funny for Mariah:

On Lady Gaga: “She came to my show, she was very sweet…and we had a nice conversation. We’ve met, we’ve had a conversation in my dressing room, it was very sweet.”

On Ariana Grande: Mariah says she doesn’t know her, but when it was pointed out that Ariana is a pint-sized Mariah, she said:

“I don’t know when early in the career was…I don’t know…honestly I’m really not familiar, I listen to hip-hop more than I listen to pop music.”

Word salad tossed.

On Taylor Swift: “Very nice girl. Met her once, she was really sweet. She came up to me…yeah.”

Madonna: “Uh, never had a conversation with her.”

Katy Perry: “Nice girl, she came to my show as well.”

Miley Cyrus: “I think we met in a bathroom…I don’t know.”

When Andy Cohen pointed out that they performed at a Divas concert once, Mariah responded, “I performed on that show a lot of times, with Aretha Franklin, Diana Ross. How am I supposed to remember everybody else?”

Ouch.

On Demi Lovato, who called Mariah a Mean Girl: “I don’t know her either, and so I wouldn’t say anything to her. She should come up, introduce herself to me, say here’s my opinion, ‘What do you think about it?’ That’s how you handle sh-t, OK?”

So, this is Mariah: if you come to her show she knows you and she loves you and you’re sweet.

If you don’t she doesn’t know you.

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It looks like The Biebs is in trouble with the law again.

Back in 2013, Justin Bieber was performing in Argentina and ALLEGEDLY ordered one of bodyguards) to beat up a paparazzo outside a club.  The police wanted to question him, but Bieber and his bodyguard fled the country. In November 2014, a judge ordered Bieber back to Buenos Aires for questioning, but he never showed because ... well ... spoiled toddler.

In April 2015, the judge issued a warrant  forced Bieber to cancel the Argentina leg of his Purpose tour because ... well, spoiled toddler. The warrant was later canceled but Argentina isn’t done with Justin; they have charged him with a crime of ordering the beating of a photographer and stealing the man’s money and camera.

His lawyers are planning to appeal the indictment, because they think that an appeals judge court with some sense will throw it out because ... wait for it ... Justin Bieber can save Argentina’s economy:

“The judge is screwing his own country because Justin could infuse a huge amount of money into the economy.”

Still, Justin won’t dip a toe in Argentina because if he does ... chain gang.

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We all thought that after dumping Casper Smart and then kissing ex-husband Marc Anthony onstage—after which Marc announced he was divorcing wife #3—that JLo and Marc would be back together, but Marc is too old for JLo and not as hip and hot and able to help her career and image. So she’s hooked her ass to Drake—like Casper, young enough to be her son—and Rihanna’s ALLEGED piece.

RiRi and Drake just ended their long, drawn-out-we-aren’t- talking-so-maybe-it’s-real-maybe-it’s-not love affair and he is already banging Casper’s ex-mommy.

To be fair, Drake and Rihanna broke off their “whatever” last fall and he appeared to move on to perpetual dater Taylor Swift, but then he got wind that JLo was looking for a bump to her career and he went sniffing after her.

The spin is that Drake and JLo are said to be collaborating on a song right now, but collaboration, in JLo’s world, is not the same as what it means in the real world.

I mean, she collaborated Casper for a long time before she decided to collaborate Drake.

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