Snarky Thoughts

Mismatch. I mean, we all knew Ben Affleck and JLo were two very different people. She’s a thirst queen, media whore who never saw a spotlight she didn't want trained on her face, or ass,  and he’s a quiet recovering alcoholic who seems to shy away from the spotlight. But what might have seemed like a good coupling on paper might not actually work in real life, like when Mr. and Mrs. Affleck attended the Grammys and JLo jumped in front of a camera to present an award while Ben pivoted at their table. And while she danced and sang along with each act, Ben looked like a husband who worked all day and came home to crack a bottle of scotch and sit in the La-Z-Boy until he falls sleep.

My Thought: The Misery is real and the sell-by date on this marriage is getting closer every day.

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Did you ever think Chris Brown would ever do the right thing or, failing that, act like a decent human being? Short answer: No. At last week’s Grammys his album, Breezy (Deluxe) was nominated for Best R&B Album but he lost to Robert Glasper for his album, Black Radio III. And Chrissy brought the Breezy Bratty out after his loss and sped over to Instagram to come for Glasper. Chrissy’s been nominated for 20 Grammys but has just one win and felt robbed, robbed I say, by this latest loss and tried to rip Glasper a new one; sidenote: Robert Glasper has been nominated 12 times and has five trophies and is really what set Brownie off:

“BRO WHO THE F**K IS THIS? YALL PLAYING  WHO DA F**K IS THIS? WH THE F**K IS ROBERT GLASPER.”

I’m hoping it’s someone who can at least string together a coherent sentence, but then Twitter came for Brownie so I could sit this one out:

“Chris Brown not knowing who Robert Glasper is… is the reason all of Chris Brown songs sound the same.”

“Chris Brown has 20 nominations and 1 win. He taking out his frustrations on Robert Glasper but them 19 Ls are the real enemy.”

“The irony of Chris Brown not knowing who Robert Glasper is that he’d probably have at least two Grammys instead of one if he worked with Robert Glasper. Instead, he’s been doing the same Doublemint Gum steps since ‘ever.”

My Thought: If they were giving Grammys for felony convictions Chris Brown would have been a shoe-in over Glasper.

Extra Extra! After seeing that he’d made an epic ass of himself AGAIN, Brownie went back to social media to faux-pologize but only played the Petty Betty card harder:

“Congratulations my brother. I would like to apologize if you took offense to my reaction at the Grammys. After doing my research I actually think your [sic] amazing. THE ORGANIZATION ISNT DOING US BLACKS OUR DUE DILIGENCE. YOU AND I SHOULD never be in the same categor[y] … two totally different vibes and genres.”

Yeah, Brownie, not an apology, and then suggesting Glasper was in the wrong category and you would have won had the academy done the right thing proves the delusions are real.

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The best part of this GOP Congress’ antics is that they  produce ridiculousness rather than giving us anything substantive. Case in point: at a recent hearing about The Twitter the Republicans brought up the fact that a 2019 Tweet by Chrissy Teigen wasn’t removed from the platform after Thing 45 got his Depends in a snit because she called him, um, ahem, “Pussy ass bitch.”

My Thought: That will now and forever be the best part of the Official Congressional Record.

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Philanderers Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes are still going strong after their affair went public and the lovebirds ended up unemployed from the GMA and ABC. But love conquers all, doesn’t it? Or does it become less lovely when you learn that, while they both took the boot, Amy’s boot was a Louboutin compared to T.J.’s full-assed combat boot on his fine ass, since she left with a boatload more cash in her bank account than her lovah.

My Thought: One affair will get you the boot with a nice severance, but being a serial adulterer and using your job as your personal sex pool gets you coins and cab fare.

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Snarky Thoughts

I’m not sure how many times Tom Brady got sacked this year but me thinks his brain rattled around in his melon a little longer than necessary because after losing his shot at another Super Bowl, he spewed up some nonsense about how he wants his three children—Jack, Benjamin, and Vivian—to experience a little bit of failure in their lives because he believes it will help them build character.

My Thought: This from a man who ended his marriage because he wouldn’t give up his dream of being the winningest winner ever?

Sidenote: No Super Bowl for Brady this year, loser.

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Somewhere screenwriter Diablo Cody is enjoying a bit of karma after the news broke that Universal Pictures has scrapped the Madonna bio-pic that was to be directed by Madonna, co-written by Madonna and Diablo Cody, and starring approved-by-Madonna, Julia Warner.

My Thought: No one other than Madonna was interested in this being made.

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After Chris Brown showed his massive wardrobe on Instagram collection, calling his closet a department store with hundreds of items on display, he was slapped with two federal tax liens from the IRS for $2,245,561.50 and $1,059,967.78, and a bill from California for some $739,067.48 in back taxes. Brown has been ordered to pay the nearly $4M at once or both the feds and California will move in  to collect.

My Thought: Don’t show off your wealth all over social media if you aren’t paying your taxes.

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Where in the world is Cult of Scientology leader David Miscavige is missing, or in hiding, to avoid being served with a lawsuit ALLEGING that he was involved in child trafficking. The federal lawsuit, brought by a group of plaintiffs who were formerly in the Sea Org–a strict group within Scientology–claims Miscavige trafficked them as children, and their lawyers have been trying to serve Miscavige for over four-months, but he has been in hiding.

My Thought: I wonder if he's hiding in the same as his wife, Shelley Miscavige, who's been missing not seen in public for over fifteen years.

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If you’ve ever watched Bridgerton then you know the beauty that is Regé-Jean Page. But what you don’t know, is that science, er, British plastic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva, claimed to have proof that Regé-Jean is the most handsome man on the planet ... those are his stats below.

My Thought: He’s kinda dreamy, sweet hot, but y’all know I have a closet full of Husbands In My Head who best Regé-Jean at every turn. What’s your take?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Now that Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes has wound down to nothingness, and the universe righted itself, Andy Kohen sat down with the Koven to discuss their, um, legacy?

It was all rather blah, from what I read since I have never watched anything Kardastrophe—I even turn off Khloé’s insipid commercials—apparently the audience was treated to Kimmy’s take on her minute’s long marriage to basketball player Kris Humphries.

Kim says she owes Humphries an apology—bitch owes the planet an apology— for the way she handled their 72-day marriage and divorce but he was apparently not in a forgiving mood, even when she ran into him the Beverly Hills Hotel a few years back and it did not go well:

“I saw him and all of his friends got up from the table, we had the tables next to each other. All of his friends got up and said hi to me and he literally just looked at me and like wouldn’t even speak to me.”

Kim says Humphries is “faith-based”—meaning religious, something Kimmy knows nothing of because she’s “fame-based”—and wanted an annulment,  which is why he claimed fraud in his filing:

“If I was mature, I would have wanted the annulment too. I wish I was only married once.”

Hey, you aren’t married now, or did you forget that Kanye already has a new side-piece he’s traveling with in Europe? You dragged Kris Humphries into marriage for a TV show and then dumped his ass when the ratings didn’t go up.

That’s what happens Kimmy when you live your life for social media.

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Britney Spears has been a pop star since the last century but has been laying low for several years now due to legal battles with her daddy about her money.

But, in a new Instagram Q&A, BritBrit says she’s not sure if she’ll ever sing again ... and the world heaved a sigh of relief.

There’s more to this story, but I want to leave it on a high note.

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Disney+’s latest superhero series, Marvel’s Falcon and the Winter Soldier, is a hit, but one of its stars, Anthony Mackie, seems a tad peevish that people online are saying his character Sam Wilson AKA the Falcon is secretly in love with Bucky Barnes AKA the Winter Soldier, played by Sebastian Stan.

First things first: I am in love with Sebastian Stan. Get that queer, Anthony. And now, back to snark …

Anthony has gone after the Twitterers who envision homo-love for Sam and Bucky, saying that two straight men can have a strong friendship without the “gay”:

“There’s so many things that people latch on to with their own devices to make themselves relevant and rational. The idea of two guys being friends and loving each other in 2021 is a problem because of the exploitation of homosexuality … It used to be guys can be friends, we can hang out, and it was cool. You can’t do that anymore, because something as pure and beautiful as homosexuality has been exploited by people who are trying to rationalize themselves.”

Wait; he calls homosexuality pure and beautiful, but doesn’t want you thinking Sam and Bucky are the new homo Sam and Diane?

Mixed messaging, Anthony. Luckily, the uber hot Sebastian Stan doesn’t share Mackie’s views; he says:

“I’m just happy that the relationship is embraced, and it should be embraced in whatever way or fashion that people desire and want it to be.”

Which is why I think they are gay and in love and that I’d like to be the meat in a Sam-and-Bucky sammich.

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In the Everything Old Is New Again File … Chris Brown has once again been accused of attacking a woman.

Police showed up at Brown’s home after a woman them saying she’d just been slapped in the face by Chris and the attack caused part of her weave to come out.

Chris responded via Instagram—because, why not—by telling everyone that the accusations are so damn “cap,” meaning people are spreading lies.

And so there you have it … known abuser Chris Brown says he did not abuse another woman.

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More from In the Everything Old Is New Again File … serial cheater, Tristan Thompson—who cheated on his baby mama with   Khloé Kardastrophe, whom he cheated on when she was pregnant—has been accused of allowing his penis out without a leash … again.

Apparently, Tristan went to the birthday party of YouTuber Tana Mongeau and was seen entering a room with 3 women and when he came out he was, um, “disheveled.” To be fair, he might have been helping them move furniture but … serial cheater.

As the story broke, though, it was reported that Tristan and Khloé broke up for the millionth time and the Koven wants you to know that the breakup happened weeks ago and so Tristan wasn’t technically cheating on Khloe … again.

Uh huh.

Note to Tristan: if you wanna end this now, just say you thought you were boning Khloé, and she’s had so many knew faces, you thought this was just the newest one.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Remember Chris Hansen from To Catch A Predator? I’m guessing his new show is Catch a Check Bouncer because that’s what Hansen was arrested for in Connecticut this week.

Hansen ALLEGEDLY bounced $13,000 worth of checks to a company called Promotional Sales Limited for branded items like mugs, t-shirts and vinyl decals. And then to top that off, he was evicted from his NYC apartment for owing some $4,000 in back rent.

But hey, go bounce a check for a t-shirt, dude. Oh, and to make matters worse, Hansen’s soon to be ex-wife, Mary Joan, wants alimony and a “fair division of property and debts.” 

Oh honey, the man cannot buy a coffee mug without bouncing a check and you think there’s alimony? No … no.

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And speaking of someone who wants the coins, ex-CBS head, and sexual predator, Les Moonves is demanding his $120 million payout from CBS, even though the network has already said “Dee-nied.”

CBS reached its decision after a three-month investigation into how Moonves behaved while at the network, and they uncovered all sorts of pervy shiz … like ALLEGATIONS of Moonves forcing oral sex on aspiring actresses and maybe cancelling Cybill when Cybill Shepherd refused to sleep with him.

Even worse, Julie Chen Moonves is now totally relying on CBS and Big Brother to pay the bills at Chez Moonves … until she evicts Les from the house.

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I guess it pays to be the asshat son of a famous person, because Lionel Richie’s son, Miles Brockman Richie, is a free man aafter ALLEGEDLY claiming he was in possession of a bomb—which he threatened to detonate—and then punching a security guard at London’s Heathrow Airport because he was denied entry to a flight.

Richie was given a “caution” for “communicating false information, battery, and causing a bomb hoax” after authorities discovered he was lying about the explosives. In England, receiving a “caution” means the person involved accepts responsibility for their actions and is allowed to go on their way without being arrested or charged.

Seriously? Lock that asshatted, terrorist up.

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I love me some Leslie Jones. I love her loud mouth and her irreverent sense of humor. But today, Leslie, honey, take a seat.

This week Jason Reitman  he was rebooting Ghostbusters, the movie his father, Ivan Reitman, directed in the 1980s. Jason says his reboot will forgive [forget] the all-female Ghostbusters that came out a minute ago, and be an actual sequel to his dad’s movie. And that sent Jones over … the … edge …

“So insulting. Like fuck us. We dint count. It’s like something _____ would do. ‘Gonna redo ghostbusteeeeers, better with men, will be huge. Those women ain’t ghostbusteeeeers’ ugh so annoying. Such a dick move. And I don’t give fuck I’m saying something!!”

And I’ll say something …Leslie? Did you see the all-female remake? It sucked. It wasn’t funny. It was bad. You should be thrilled for this sequel because it’ll make people forget your version.

Love you.

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Chris Brown. He’s been in Paris recently, attending fashion shows—which begs the question: why do designers need Chris Brown at their shows? But, ALLEGEDLY, he was doing something else.

See, Brown and some members of his entourage were arrested for assault and suspicion of rape after a 24-year-old woman claims Brown assaulted her in a hotel suite in Paris earlier this month.

Brown, like he did when he beat up Rihanna—which doesn't necessarily mean that he's a rapist—has yet to comment on the ALLEGATIONS but, I believe Chris Brown is the guy that beats up his girlfriend and leaves her by the side of the road. I believe he’s the guy abuses, stalks and harasses his ex-girlfriend to the point where she doesn’t feel safe being alone with him. I believe he’s the guy who meets a girl in a bar and invites her to his hotel room and rapes her.

It’s called escalating.

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I’m a cynic. Sue me.  But this Bryan Singer mess, and Rami Malek’s ”Who? What?” attitude? Not.Buying.It.

Bryan Singer directed more than half of Bohemian Rhapsody before leaving the film under a storm of controversy that he had missed days and days of work, that other people had to step in to complete the film, and that Singer and Malek clashed on the set and that Singer even “threw an object” at Rami. And this all happened around the time that Singer was sued again for raping another teenage boy. Sidenote: four more accusers have come forward this past week saying Singer fondled them or raped them when they were teenagers working on one of his films.

But here’s my thing …the stories of Singer and underage boys have been around for years, long before Bohemian Rhapsody was a thought, and before anyone even knew Rami Malek. And yet Malek is now saying he’d never ever heard the stories about Singers ALLEGEDLY infamous Boy Pool Parties?

Sorry, Rami, but if I could hear the story here in Smallville, surely you heard the story in Hollywood, especially after you announced you’d be working with Singer.

Just sayin’.

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We all know Lady Gaga is thirsty for Oscar because then she can carry it around as a prop in case she runs into Madonna and can shove it in Madge’s face, so does anyone … anyone … actually believe Gaga when she said this about the Oscar nomination for A Star is Born:

“I didn’t know anything about it.”

Yes, Lady Gaga who has been campaigning for an Oscar for months now, says she actually slept through the nominations and didn’t wake up until three hours later.

You woke up three hours after your nomination was announced and no one … no one … called you to share the news?

Sure, Lady, sure.

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It's Snarkurday!

I’ve heard of Cardi B, though I couldn’t pick her out of a lineup or a playlist, but apparently, she’s good for some snark.

It seems new mom Cardi is ALLEGEDLY annoyed with Jade, a bartender at New York’s Angels Strip Club, for ALLEGEDLY sleeping with her husband, Migos rapper Offset. And Cardi is, again ALLEGEDLY, so perturbed by the thought that she has ALLEGEDLY ordered a beatdown of both Jade and her sister, fellow strip club bartender Baddie Gi.

Jade and Baddie ALLEGE that Cardi had been threatening them with bodily harm for months and ALLEGE that when they ran into Cardi in an Atlanta hotel in June, Cardi ALLEGEDLY accused Jade of getting it on with Offset and threatened to whoop her ass, though nothing seems to have come of that.

Then, in August, Jade says that she was tipped off that she was to receive “a beatdown” and, regular as clockwork, the beatdown happened. Jade ALLEGES that five of Cardi’s people viciously attacked her, grabbing her hair, punching her and hitting her with an ashtray; Jade and Baddie G also ALLEGE that they were both attacked at the club at the end of August and that Cardi herself ALLEGEDLY came to see it.

The sisters ALLEGE that in addition to screaming “I’m blood I’ll fuck you bitches up!”, Cardi threw a bottle at them and so they’ve hired a lawyer and are ALLEGEDLY filing a police report—though that should have been step one, ladies.

Now, my question is a simple one: Cardi thinks her man is dipping his wick in a bartender and threatens to beat up the bartender and her sister, who didn’t get dipped into, and then, ALLEGEDLY, has her minions do the beatdown, but why didn’t Cardi give a beatdown to her man? I mean, he was attached to the penis that dipped into Jade, wasn’t he?

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Last week we talked Drake giving smack to Kanye while performing onstage, but I always wondered, what was the beef between the two. Was it Kim? Are the rumors true?

Did Kim Kardastrophe cheat on Kanye with Drake?

See, there are conspiracy theorists who say that Drake’s last album, Scorpion, is full of shady references to the idea that he’s holding back on telling Kanye about how he did the deed with Kanye’s porn star, media whore, wife.

But Kardastrophe sources—and you know it’s That Woman and her Flying Monkeys—say Drake and Kim have mutual friends and have a casual, social friendship, but that they’ve “never had a personal friendship or relationship” and Kim “has never slept with Drake…didn’t happen while she was married and didn’t happen before.”

Kim also took to Instagram to say:

“Never happened. End of story.” 

But … Drake started following Kim on Instagram on Labor Day and we all know what that means.

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It’s no secret that Chris Brown loves to fight; normally he uses his fists, but now he’s using the legal system to fight with Nia Guzman, the mother of his 4-year-old daughter Royalty, over child support.

It all began when Guzman has hired an attorney to change her current child support agreement. Right now, she gets $6,500 a month for herself … $2,500 in child support …and another $4,000 for a nanny, who happens to be Nia’s mom. Kinda looks like having Chris’ baby turned into a windfall for Nia and her family, eh? But I digress …

Well, that court order is two years old and now Nia wants more coins because Brown earned an average of $4,269,067 a year—roughly $350,000 a month—and she’s entitled to a percentage because $13,000 a month isn’t enough to live on. So, she wants a raise to $21,000 and retroactive child support in the amount of $250,000.

She is claiming poverty—13K a month is poverty level, you know—and says she cannot afford to pay some of her bills, like $3,300 in rent, $3,500 in food, and $4,500 in clothing for her four-year-old child.

Recently, a judge sided with Nia, and she’ll be getting the extra coins, though Chris, and I …yes, I’m siding with Chris Brown …think this is just a coin grab and is fighting back. And he’s using Nia’s own words as a weapon: one of Nia’s examples of being a broke-ass single mother is the claim that she had to ask a friend to take Royalty to Six Flags, because she didn’t have extra money in her budget for the outing.

She couldn’t scrape together the cost of a ticket from Royalty’s $4,500 a month clothing allowance? There weren’t extra coins from her mother’s nanny salary? Nia couldn’t have skipped a meal?

Perhaps Nia should shop at Once Upon A Child and save some money for trips to amusement parks; or maybe, fire the nanny/mommy and take care of her own child on 13K a month.

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Oops ... and ha-ha!

Gwyneth Paltrow’s company Goop has agreed to fork over a $145,000 to settle a false advertising lawsuit filed against them over the jade vagina egg.

Goop started selling a $66 vagina egg that promised to balance hormones, regulate menstrual cycles, and prevent depression. To be fair, the egg was basically a paperweight, and so Goop got schooled and fined by the Santa Clara County District Attorney’s Office for false advertising. They were concerned about the claims made for the health benefits of the eggs, as well as a $22 Inner Judge Flower Essence Blend … flower water … that claimed to “prevent” shame spirals and “depressive states.”

Goop agreed to settle the lawsuit for $145,000 and will refund any customers who wish to get their money back. The egg is still for sale on the website thought the ad now says:

“Used by women to increase sexual energy and pleasure, this nephrite jade stone helps connect the second chakra (the heart) and yoni for optimal self-love and well-being.”

Still sounds like a Goop-styled scam to me.

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Celebrity divorces are almost always drama-filled, but the one between Geena Davis and Dr. Reza Jarrahy might just be the biggest scene of ‘em all because he might not even be her husband!

Escandalo! Reza filed for divorce back in May and asked for joint legal and physical custody of their three children, as well as spousal support; he also asked a judge to block Geena from asking for support from him. 

Well, now Geena has filed and she’s asking the judge to dismiss Reza’s divorce petition, because she now claims they were never legally married.

Oh, there was a ceremony, and cake and dancing, but now, seventeen years later, Geena says their marriage license was never properly returned to the court clerk and under New York law—they “wed” in the Hamptons—that means they aren’t technically married. Geena doesn’t say why their license was never returned, but that it was an “intentional” choice.

Maybe that’s because now Geena can claim that since they were never legally wed, they can’t split any property and she doesn’t owe spousal support. She says that whatever they personally bought, they own, and claims that they always filed their taxes as “single” or “head of household.” As for their money, Geena says they kept separate bank accounts and credit cards.

And as more proof, in 2012, Jarrahy applied for a home loan and reportedly confirmed that he and Geena were “cohabiting” and not legally wed. But he does want spousal support because, he says, they had a wedding and acted like husband and wife, and that’s basically the same thing.

Now, if you’re thinking Common Law Marriage, think again. Geena and Reza live in California, which doesn’t recognize common law marriage.

Reza might try that old standby, palimony, but then Geena could whip out the tax forms where he checked the ‘single’ box.

I’m kinda getting the idea that they never returned the marriage license just in case they ever split, so Geena could keep all of her coins.

Sly devil.

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Les Moonves, facing his own #MeToo scandal, has another scandal to face: from Janet Jackson. And we’re learning about it from that Ronan Farrow New Yorker exposé on Moonves and sexual harassment.

It appears that after that Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake fiasco at Super Bowl XXXVIII Moonves ALLEGEDLY plotted to destroy Janet. Y’all remember that when Justin sang the words “Gonna have you naked by the end of this song” while closing out the halftime show he ripped the top of Janet’s outfit exposing her breast on national TV.

The world went crazy; and so did Moonves.

Timberlake later said that the plan was to rip part of Janet’s costume and reveal a piece of red lace, but we got boob and nipple jewelry instead. And apparently Moonves was incensed by the display and vowed revenge because he just knew it wasn’t an accident, and that Janet and Justin did it intentionally, and also believed Janet wasn’t contrite enough.

Janet and Justin were banned from the 2004 Grammys, which were scheduled to air a week after the Super Bowl, but Justin made a teary apology, and Les accepted it and let him on the show. 

But Janet’s ban remained because she didn’t shed any tears and so Moonves ALLEGEDLY ordered VH1, MTV, and Viacom-owned radio stations to stop playing Janet’s music and music videos. With her album Damita Jo being released a month later, a blacklist would prove costly. 

And it was; then, sources say, Moonves helped to craft the story ALLEGING that TittyGate was all Janet’s fault. And even seven years later, when Janet released the self-help book True You through CBS-owned Simon & Schuster Moonves ALLEGEDLY went apesh*t again.

Now, I am not one to make huge leaps, but a man who might punish a woman because she didn’t bow down to him and kiss his ring over an ALLEGED accident boob baring, might just be the kind of man who thinks women are to be used for his own pleasure.

I’m just saying, Moonves sounds like a typical white privileged male misogynistic pig.

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It's Snarkurday!

Color me not surprised, but Chris Brown has been arrested for assault.

Rihanna say what? In April 2017, Brownie ALLEGEDLY punched a photographer at a club who was taking photos of the crowd; Brownie thought he was trying to snap him, so  he ALLEGEDLY leapt over a couch and punched the man in the face. Police were called, but Chris and his bodyguard fled the scene before they could be questioned and, well, celebrity … nothing happened.

Until last week when Brownie performed at the Coral Sky Amphitheater in West Palm Beach. After the show, he was met by several police officers who placed him under arrest for last year’s assault. He was arrested for felony battery and released after posting $2,000 bail.

Chris isn’t talking … yet … possibly because he’s still stunned that the cops let a year go by before arresting him, though they were just waiting for him to come back to Florida.

Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.

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Oh Johnny Depp, every week it’s something new … divorce, drunken rages, suing your manager, drunken rages, drunken rages, and now this.

A while back we talked about his Depp-lorable—see what I did there—behavior on the set of LAbryinth, where he plays the real-life detective who investigated Biggie’s murder. He was ALLEGEDLY a nuisance, surrounded by a bothersome, enormous entourage, tried to direct himself and bullied crew members.

When one crew member told him to wrap a scene, Depp screamed in the man’s face and punched him in the ribs. Now, Depp’s people deny this ever happened and gave out the usual vomit:

“Johnny Depp is a consummate professional, great collaborator and a supporter of other artists. He always treats the crew and people around him with the utmost respect. We all love stories — there isn’t one here.” 

Well, guess what? That crewmember, location manager Gregg “Rocky” Brooks, is ALLEGING in a lawsuit that Johnny Depp twice punched him on set. Brooks is also ALLEGING that he was fired from the movie when he refused to sign papers saying he wouldn’t sue over the incident.

Oops, maybe Depp’s people were thinking about another time he punched someone else when they denied this assault ever happened?

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Another Johnny in trouble is one Jonathan Rhys Meyers.

Meyers was once banned from United Airlines for ALLEGEDLY spewing the N-word in a drunken rant. And now he was again ALLEDGLY drunk on a plane—this time it was American Airlines—and being verbally abusive to his wife, though that wasn’t the problem. The issue was that JRM was vaping on his way to the lavatory.

Seriously? Drunk and disorderly gets a pass, but vaping gets you nailed?

When the plane got into LAX, it was met with a slew of airport police squad cars and the FBI because … vaping.

JRM was eventually let go after the FBI went all, Why are we here? We’ve got a president to unseat.

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Well, it looks like Jamie Foxx isn’t going to jail for his dick slap.

Back in 2002 a woman accused Foxx of slapping her in the face with his penis at a party when she refused to give him oral sex. This week the Las Vegas Police Department have concluded their investigation—even though the statute of limitations expired in 2005—and Foxx will not face charges.

No word on if they’ll simply charge him with being a dick.

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Poor Lindsay Lohan. Her career, her acting career, not her escort work, is kinda over ... again.

The comeback movie Lohan was hoping for, Life-Size 2, has announced its co-lead actress and her name is not Lindsay Lohan. Tyra Banks … Tyra Banks?... announced that she will be starring in the sequel to the 2000 movie—a sequel no one asked for—alongside one Francia Raisa from Grown-Ish.

Somewhere, under a bar in Europe, Lohan is trying to create a Francia voodoo doll out of cocktail napkins.

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I love me some gossip, but when it’s the kind that comes out after all the parties involved are dead, well, you just gotta wonder.

It appears that one Conrad Murray, the shady doctor who served two years for the manslaughter of Michael Jackson, is desperate for attention, or coins, because he’s serving up some crazy. Y’all know that Michael’s father, Joe Jackson, died recently? Well, everyone knows, or has heard tale, of Joe Jackson being an abusive father to his children, but this one takes the cake. Conrad Murray is now ALLEGING that Michael was chemically castrated by Joe to maintain his high-pitched voice:

“Joe Jackson was one of the worst fathers to his children in history. The cruelty expressed by Michael that he experienced at the hand of his father, particularly the bad treatment and moreover the fact that he was chemically castrated to maintain his high-pitched voice is beyond words. I knew and cared for Michael very well and he told me of the many sufferings at the hands of his father that he encountered. It was incredible, beyond imagination and words. I would not shed a single tear for the passing of this cruel and evil man: Joe Jackson. It is said only the good die young. I hope Joe Jackson finds redemption in Hell.”

Huh, I hope Conrad Murray doesn’t find any redemption at all when he goes to Hell for never saying one thing about this until both Joe and Michael were dead.

Clearly, someone with a Starbucks gift card that still had a few bucks on it, found Murray and gave it to him to talk.

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