I Didn't Say it ...

Mike Johnson, Christian Nationalist Speaker of the House, saying God chose him as Speaker:

“I’ll tell you a secret, since media is not here. Thank you for not allowing the media in. Look, I’m a Southern Baptist, I don’t wanna get too spooky on you, But, you know, the Lord speaks to your heart. The Lord began to wake me up, through this three-week process, in the middle of night to speak to me. The Lord impressed upon my heart a few weeks before this happened that something was going to occur. And the Lord very specifically told me in my prayers to prepare, but to wait. At the time, I assumed the Lord was going to choose a new Moses and thank you, Lord, you’re going to allow me to be Aaron to Moses. I had this sense that we were going to come to a Red Sea moment in our Republican conference and in the county at large. God had been speaking to me about this, and the Lord told me very clearly to prepare and be ready. Ultimately 13 people ran for the post. And the Lord kept telling me to, ‘Wait, wait, wait.’ So I waited, I waited. And then at the end the Lord said, ‘Now step forward.’ Me? I’m supposed to be Aaron. ‘No,’ the Lord said, ‘Step forward.’”

Funny how Mike only like to speak his truth when media isn’t around, so I will say this one thing …

What a fucking loon.

… and leave it there.

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Jim Carrey, on treating the unhoused with a little respect:

“Imagine struggling with being homeless and someone comes with a camera in your face to give you a meal and you have to take it. Imagine that feeling. Please stop doing that. If you go to help someone, do it with kindness and not your ego.”

If you want to do a good deed, feeding the hungry, helping the unhouse, whatever it might be, do it because it’s the right thing to do and don’t use it as a boost to your own fragile ego on social media.

Good people don’t take photos of themselves doing good deeds, they just do the deed.

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Jamie Raskin, Maryland Democrat Representative, railing at the GOP for their hypocrisy on Hunter Biden:

“Let me get this straight. After  wailing and moaning for ten months about Hunter Biden and alluding to some vast  unproven family conspiracy, after sending Hunter Biden a subpoena to appear and testify, Chairman Comer and the Oversight Republicans now reject his offer to appear before the full committee and the eyes of the world to answer any questions that they pose? What an epic humiliation.”

They have nothing because, again, if they did, they’d be shouting it from the rooftops and showing the proof everywhere.

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Nate White, an articulate and witty writer wrote the following response for the London Daily to the question ‘Why do some British people not like [Thing 45]?’:

“A few things spring to mind. [Thing 45] lacks certain qualities which the British traditionally esteem. For instance, he has no class, no charm, no coolness, no credibility, no compassion, no wit, no warmth, no wisdom, no subtlety, no sensitivity, no self-awareness, no humility, no honour and no grace – all qualities, funnily enough, with which his predecessor Mr. Obama was generously blessed. So for us, the stark contrast does rather throw [Thing 45] ’s limitations into embarrassingly sharp relief.

Plus, we like a laugh. And while [Thing 45]  may be laughable, he has never once said anything wry, witty or even faintly amusing – not once, ever. I don’t say that rhetorically, I mean it quite literally: not once, not ever. And that fact is particularly disturbing to the British sensibility – for us, to lack humour is almost inhuman. But with [Thing 45] , it’s a fact. He doesn’t even seem to understand what a joke is – his idea of a joke is a crass comment, an illiterate insult, a casual act of cruelty.

[Thing 45]  is a troll. And like all trolls, he is never funny and he never laughs; he only crows or jeers. And scarily, he doesn’t just talk in crude, witless insults – he actually thinks in them. His mind is a simple bot-like algorithm of petty prejudices and knee-jerk nastiness.

There is never any under-layer of irony, complexity, nuance or depth. It’s all surface. Some Americans might see this as refreshingly upfront. Well, we don’t. We see it as having no inner world, no soul. And in Britain we traditionally side with David, not Goliath. All our heroes are plucky underdogs: Robin Hood, Dick Whittington, Oliver Twist. Trump is neither plucky, nor an underdog. He is the exact opposite of that. He’s not even a spoiled rich-boy, or a greedy fat-cat. He’s more a fat white slug. A Jabba the Hutt of privilege.

And worse, he is that most unforgivable of all things to the British: a bully. That is, except when he is among bullies; then he suddenly transforms into a sniveling sidekick instead. There are unspoken rules to this stuff – the Queensberry rules of basic decency – and he breaks them all. He punches downwards – which a gentleman should, would, could never do – and every blow he aims is below the belt. He particularly likes to kick the vulnerable or voiceless – and he kicks them when they are down.

So the fact that a significant minority – perhaps a third – of Americans look at what he does, listen to what he says, and then think ‘Yeah, he seems like my kind of guy’ is a matter of some confusion and no little distress to British people, given that:

• Americans are supposed to be nicer than us, and mostly are.

• You don’t need a particularly keen eye for detail to spot a few flaws in the man.

This last point is what especially confuses and dismays British people, and many other people too; his faults seem pretty bloody hard to miss. After all, it’s impossible to read a single tweet, or hear him speak a sentence or two, without staring deep into the abyss. He turns being artless into an art form; he is a Picasso of pettiness; a Shakespeare of shit. His faults are fractal: even his flaws have flaws, and so on ad infinitum. God knows there have always been stupid people in the world, and plenty of nasty people too. But rarely has stupidity been so nasty, or nastiness so stupid. He makes Nixon look trustworthy and George W look smart. In fact, if Frankenstein decided to make a monster assembled entirely from human flaws – he would make a [Thing 45] .

And a remorseful Doctor Frankenstein would clutch out big clumpfuls of hair and scream in anguish: ‘My God… what… have… I… created?' If being a twat was a TV show, [Thing 45]  would be the boxed set.”

There is talk that this was written while the Inmate was running the country, but it matters not because it’s as relevant today as it was yesterday and as much as it will be for the rest of this traitorous asshat’s miserable lying hate-filled life.

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I Didn't Say It

Pete Buttigieg, Secretary of Transportation, clapping back at GOP Loon Marjorie Taylor Greene’s bizarre insult where she accused Pete and his husband Chasten Buttigieg of creeping around girls’ bathrooms by saying she’s not even a mediocre Congresswoman:

“The reason you hear somebody like that making nonsensical—literally nonsensical comments like that, I don’t know what you’d do with an electric vehicle in any bathroom—is because they don’t want to talk about what we’re actually working on. So they’re going to keep tripling down on anything that can divide and demonize and demoralize, and through that capture attention. If I were to make a list of the 10… or 20… or 50… or 200 members of Congress whose commentary or thoughts or words it would be the most constructive to be debating or weighing right now, it wouldn’t be the two or three members of Congress who get the most attention on Twitter for whatever outrage they try to outdo each other on.”

In other words, don’t do battle with an idiot, because she’s just out there for attention and has done nothing worthwhile since being elected to office.

Stay strong, Pete.

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Will Smith, apologizing for physically assaulting Chris Rock on the Oscars stage Sunday night:

“Violence in all of its forms is poisonous and destructive. My behavior at last night’s Academy Awards was unacceptable and inexcusable. Jokes at my expense are part of the job, but a joke about Jada’s medical condition was too much for me to bear and I reacted emotionally. I would like to publicly apologize to you, Chris. I was out of line and I was wrong. I am embarrassed and my actions were not indicative of the man I want to be. There is no place for violence in a world of love and kindness. I would also like to apologize to the Academy, the producers of the show, all the attendees and everyone watching around the world. I would like to apologize to the Williams Family and my King Richard Family. I deeply regret that my behavior has stained what has been an otherwise gorgeous journey for all of us. I am a work in progress.”

Nice, but kind of meaningless because he’s still blaming “the joke” for his actions. Clearly, people higher up have questioned whether it’s worth it to hire Smith, and the Academy is said to be considering action, so Will is trying to save his career.

A child knows you don’t hit people for making a joke.

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Ron DeSantis, Flori-duh’s Governor, Walt Disney Company’s plan to repeal the state’s ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill:

“For Disney to come out and put a statement and say that the bill should have never passed and that they are going to actively work to repeal it, I think one was fundamentally dishonest, but two, I think that crossed the line. This state is governed by the interest of the people of the state of Florida, it is not based on the demands of California corporate executives.”

Except, Ron, you ignorant POS, when exactly did the PEOPLE of you state rise up in overwhelming numbers and demand a ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill, because it looks like the only folks who wanted it are you and your bigoted, homophobic, transphobic, racist fuckmonkeys.

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Jim Carrey, on that slap, and the reaction to Smith’s Oscar win, and what he would have done had been the victim:

“I was sickened. I was sickened by the standing ovation. Hollywood is just spineless en masse and it really felt like this is a really clear indication that we aren’t the cool club anymore. [And] I’d have announced this morning that I was suing Will for $200 million because that video is going to be there forever, it’s going to be ubiquitous. That insult is gonna last a very long time. If you want to yell from the audience and show disapproval or say something on Twitter, [that’s OK, but] you do not have the right to walk up onstage and smack somebody in the face ‘cuz they said words. I wish him the best, I really do … He’s done great things. But that was not a good moment. It cast a pall over everybody’s shining moment.”

Carrey’s right. It was disgusting to see anyone standing for Will Smith after he assaulted Chris Rock. And that video will be around forever, though I think Smith comes off looking like a petulant bully, so maybe it’ll be worse for him … and I’m good with that.

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Madison Cawthorn, alleging that “people” Washington, D.C. have invited him to orgies and done cocaine in front of him:

“I look at all these people, a lot of them that I’ve looked up to through my life, I’ve always paid attention to politics. Then all of the sudden you get invited to, ‘Well hey, we’re going to have kind of a sexual get together at one of our homes, you should come.’ I’m like, ‘What did you just ask me to come to?’ And then you realize they are asking you to come to an orgy.”

Cawthorn also claim he has seen people who advocate for fighting against addiction do cocaine in front of him.

Well, golly Maddie, then speak up. I mean if you’re so sickened by what folks in DC politics are doing call ‘em out by name and get them out of office, unless you’re just a liar an—Oh yeah, never mind.

SIDENOTE: Little Maddie admitted in a tense meeting with House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy that his claims were "exaggerated".

AKA Lies.

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Wanda Sykes, saying after the slap, Chris Rock apologized to her:

“The first thing he said was ‘I am so sorry. It was supposed to be your night. You and Amy and Regina…I’m so sorry, because now this is going to be about this.’ That’s who Chris is.”

That’s a helluva lot better, and more adult that the Smith family.

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Chris Wallace, confirming what most of us already knew:

“I’m fine with opinion: conservative opinion, liberal opinion, but when people start to question the truth—Who won the 2020 election? Was January 6 an insurrection —I found that unsustainable. Some people might have drawn the line earlier, or at a different point. I think Fox has changed over the course of the last year and a half. But I can certainly understand where somebody would say, ‘Gee, you were a slow learner, Chris.’”

But you learned, and left.

Wallace confirmed reports that he was so alarmed by Tucker Carlson’s documentary “Patriot Purge”—which falsely suggested the Capitol riot was a “false flag” operation intended to demonize conservatives—that he complained directly to Fox News management.

Nothing was done, and he packed his bags.

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Chris Rock, in his first standup show since the slap:

“Whoa, OK! Yo, let me do the show! How was your weekend? I don't have a bunch of shit about what happened, so if you came to hear that, I have a whole show I wrote before this weekend. I’m still kind of processing what happened. So, at some point I’ll talk about that shit. And it will be serious and funny.”

An audience member then chanted “Fuck Will Smith!” but Rock ignored the comment and began his hour-long set.

Again, adult in the room.

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I Didn't Say It ....

Jim Kenney, Mayor of Philadelphia, on ____ uninviting the world champion Philadelphia Eagles to the White House after most of the team said they wouldn’t go:

“The Eagles call the birthplace of our democracy home, so it’s no surprise that this team embodies everything that makes our country and our city great. Their athletic accomplishments on the field led to an historic victory this year. Fans all across the country rallied behind them because we like to root for the underdog and we feel joy when we see the underdogs finally win. I’m equally proud of the Eagles’ activism off the field. These are players who stand up for the causes they believe in and who contribute in meaningful ways to their community. They represent the diversity of our nation-a nation in which we are free to express our opinions. Disinviting them from the White House only proves that our President is not a true patriot, but a fragile egomaniac obsessed with crowd size and afraid of the embarrassment of throwing a party to which no one wants to attend.”

Snap.

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Justin Trudeau, Canadian Prime Minister, on _____’s new tariffs:

“These tariffs are totally unacceptable. The numbers are clear: The United States has a $2 billion U.S. dollars surplus in steel trade with Canada—and Canada buys more American steel than any other country in the world, half of U.S. steel exports. Canada is a secure supplier of aluminum and steel to the U.S. defense industry, putting aluminum in American planes and steel in American tanks. That Canada could be considered a national security threat to the United States is inconceivable. [But] I want to be very clear about one thing: Americans remain our partners, friends, and allies. This is not about the American people. We have to believe that at some point their common sense will prevail. But we see no sign of that in this action today by the U.S. administration.”

Seriously, _____ is bending over for Russia, China and north Korea, but smiting our allies?

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Carmen Cruz, Mayor of San Juan Puerto Rico, on the huge numbers of deaths following Hurricane Maria and the _____ Administration’s inept handling of the crisis:

“President _____ tweets about the crack of dawn, and he hasn’t even tweeted one time to say ‘Look, I mourn with the people of Puerto Rico, so this total neglect has to be called upon. The United Nations says that when people are denied their right to access to basic human services, like electric power, like water, like food, like appropriate medical care, that it is a violation of human rights.”

And that’s the president; racist, inept, and violating human rights … basic human rights.

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Jim Parsons, actor in Broadway’s Boys in the Band and CBS’ Big Bang Theory, on Roseanne’s tweets and actors being held to higher standards than politicians:

“I only felt about it on an emotional scale, so I guess that’s what I’ll say. Which was, ‘how?’ and ‘why?’ That was really my only reaction to it. I was surprised [the show] was cancelled immediately … But really to the face of it –just reading that tweet several times—I was like ‘how did you type that?' I did have one thought though which was that it’s okay to say certain things as an elected official right now that it is not necessarily okay to say as an entertainer and I find that fascinating … If your job is put into place by the votes of the citizens, then you can still get by. In this case, ABC cut ties with something that was obviously going to be a cash cow for them for however long.”

Sad, really, that actors lose their jobs for what they say, but presidents and senators and governors don’t suffer the same fate.

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Rudy Giuliani, _____’s idiotic lawyer, saying there is no way Trump can be indicted, even if he shoots former FBI director James Comey.

“In no case can he be subpoenaed or indicted. I don’t know how you can indict while he’s in office. No matter what it is. If he shot James Comey, he’d be impeached the next day. Impeach him, and then you can do whatever you want to do to him.”

Seriously, this buffoon thinks the president could murder someone and face no consequences, except impeachment?

No wonder this administration is the hottest mess ever.

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Jim Carrey, actor, on those missing 1500 children, and America in the age of _____:

“The worst terror a child can experience is being taken from their parents. Would blonde, blue-eyed children ever be treated so brutally at our border? Would 4600 Puerto Ricans be left to die if they were white? No. _____ism is racism. What in God’s name have we become.”

We have become a nation that is seen as filled with hate because some of our leaders say hateful things, and the others do nothing about the hate-filled rhetoric.

Silence = Acceptance and the silence must stop.

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It's Snarkurday!

When you grow up in a family where the entire Klan makes their living off being “reality” show stars, and they all think social media is their own private message board, then how do you handle a spat with one of your sisters?

Well, if you’re Rob Kardastrophe, and you’re pissy at your sister Kylie Jenner, you post her private phone number on Twitter — twice, just to make sure everyone sees it — because you’re a self-indulgent spoiled child who’s biggest claim to fame is a sister with a large ass and your “sock” design empire that went bust a few years back.

And why did Rob go all sixth grade girl on Kylie? Because the family was throwing a baby shower for Rob and his reality show baby mama Blac Chyna, but the family forgot to invite said baby mama.

Of course, the baby shower was set to be filmed for any number of those Kardastrophe reality shows, so, yeah, the drama was just for show, or is it …

It appears that after six minutes of blissful love, during which they spent roughly 14 seconds creating their spawn, Rob and Chyna are over. The loving couple haven’t spoken in months … the “reality” show is on hiatus … and have only been seen together when they had dinner the night their “show” premiered.

The Kardashian-Jenner sisters say they threw a No-Chynas-Allowed shower because Chyna was throwing herself her own Rob-less party because Rob, after having gotten his rocks off in Chyna, is sexting all kinds of other girls in the hopes of having a string of reality shows so he’ll be like the rest of the Klan and never have to work a real job in his entire life.

Lovely, though, that a child will be born onto this mess.

Justin Bieber, for reasons I cannot fathom, has been a famous person for quite a long time, but he’s not really happy about all that fame, of late.

And one thing he dislikes most about his fame are the people who made him famous — I was gonna call them “fans” but every time I type ‘Justin Bieber fans’ I start laughing so hard I can’t write. But Justin is tired of those people who like him; he loathes taking pictures with them; he despises the gifts they send him; he hates the way they act on Twitter. He doesn’t, however, dislike the fact that they pay his bills by buying his crap music and seeing his crap shows. And so, with that in mind, just last weekend, he gave us all a show about how much he hates the people who pay his way through life.

Justin is in Europe for his Purpose World Tour, a tour that is making him tons of money, thanks to his fans, and while he was in Norway, he decided to go for a walkabout with his entourage one Saturday night. A group of fans found their “idol” on the street and tried to get his attention, but Justin was too busy giving them the side-eye, being hustled away from them, and saying, as he disappeared into the night:

“You guys suck.”

Now, thinking your fans suck is one thing, but saying it out loud, in front of them, is all kinds of dumb, unless, well, Justin Bieber fans are kinda dumb and maybe do kinda suck, because after he said this and walked away and refused to acknowledged them, one of the “suckees” said Bieber was just having fun.

You suck; I’m leaving. It’s high-larious!

You know, I sometimes say off-color things, but then I don’t do it on television, in front of millions, and I’m not Marky Mark Wahlberg.

Last week, Wahlberg brought his thirteen-year-old daughter Ella with him to the Dan Patrick Show to promote his new film Deepwater Horizon. Ella was given a microphone and she asked her father to rap a little something, you know, like Marky Mark or something.

Patrick said he’d take a break so Mark could come up with something, but Mark said ‘No’, and then began to humiliate his daughter with some lyrics that, considering his history of assault, might seem a bit odd:

I’m your 45-year-old father and I got to rap

and if you keep misbehaving I’m a give your behind a slap

It’s called a spanking

Later on in life you’re gonna thank me

‘Cause all the advice that I’m giving you is good for you

and if not, your butt and behind is gonna be black and blue.

Mark explained the “child abuse rap” by saying that Ella had lost her phone privileges as punishment and that she had complained that her punishment was worse than her brothers would receive and Mark said this:

“They’d just go throw a ball or bounce their head off the wall and they’d still be happy. You live for the phone, so I got to get you where it counts, kid.”

Okay, so there is some truth to the punishment differing from child to child; my sister was regularly banned from the phone, but that punishment, if given to me, would been like, Okay, no biggie. But, as a man who was once sentenced for assault, maybe he shouldn’t be rapping about giving his daughter a beat-down.

Last August, Criminal Minds actor Thomas Gibson was fired for ALLEGEDLY kicking show writer Virgil Williams during a spat, and now Gibson is telling his side … and says it was just an accident.

Thomas says that on the evening of the incident he had an issue with one of his character’s line — he felt it “contradicted an earlier line” — and he told Williams about his concerns, but says Williams wasn’t having it:

“He came into that room and started coming towards me. As he brushed past me, my foot came up and tapped him on the leg. If I hadn’t moved, he would have run into me. We had some choice words, for which I apologized the next day, and that was it. It was over. We shot the scene, I went home — and I never got to go back.”

Um, Thomas? I don’t think you get fired because, as someone passed you, your leg tapped them, okurrrrr?

Settle, please, and admit you’re a spoiled child who didn’t get to play on the jungle gym at recess and so you kicked someone in the shin and ran off.

Apparently Russian television station Channel One is made of money because they actually paid Lindsay Lohan roughly $800,000 for an interview. That’s a lot of water bottles filled with Vodka, no?

Lohan appeared on Russian TV to talk about what happened this summer with her Russian ex-fiancé Egor Tarabasov, like the screaming fights and the phone tossing and the Russian hookers and the death threats and the breaking down of a door and the attempted strangulation and …

“I feared that Egor may splash acid in my face.”

Huh? This is all kinds of new and the very first time Lohan has ever brought this up, but then she played it like a good little liar, suggesting that she was “lucky to come to Moscow to speak.” But, she does want y’all to know that she didn’t fly to Russia to badmouth her ex-fiancé for the cash — oh hell no, she’d never do that — but that she wanted the world to know the “truth.”

“I wanted to do this interview because it’s time to tell the truth. There have been so many lies printed about me recently. I’ve kept quiet for so long but now I’m scared of what Egor might do to me and to himself.”

Funny, cuz the world never asked for Lohan’s “truth” and we didn’t ask for Egor’s either, but the instant the show aired, he released a statement dragging Lohan through the mud … something she’s quite used to, though:

“It has come to my attention that … Lindsay Lohan is planning a new smear campaign against me …. My relationship with Lindsay came to an end in July 2016 [and] … I decided not to address [the] harmful and false statements at that time. … out of respect for Lindsay. [But] I would like to state that all accusations made ... by Lindsay against me are not true. I refuse to be dragged into the media storm created in the aftermath of our breakup. I will not be making any more statements … but I will use all possible legal means to protect my name and reputation.”

A lawsuit, Egor? That’s the best you got? The Lohan’s live for lawsuits, man. The way to get Lindsay back is to tell the world she’s a terrible actress and really a nobody.

Oh, and call her “firecrotch.”

Back to Bieber and how he hates those people who made him famous. He snubbed them in Norway and then got into a wee brawl with one in Germany.

Apparently, while getting drunk in a club, Justin accidentally bumped shoulders with a guy who had ALLEGEDLY been trying to get Bieber’s attention all night; seriously … the guy must have been wasted!

Well, Justin, after the bump, was all like, “I’m’a star, loser,” and so the guy tried to slap Bieber and then grabbed at his shirt, and since Garanimals don’t come cheap, Justin was pissed!

He tried to fight back but really it was kinda slappy hands on both sides until Justin’s business partner John Shahidi broke it up by holding something shiny up in Bieber’s face. And then he was taken back to the hotel and put down for the night.

So, sadly, Jim Carrey’s ex-girlfriend, Cathriona White, committed suicide after their break-up and now her estranged husband Mark Burton has filed a wrongful death lawsuit against Carrey.

In it, he ALLEGES that Jim supplied three of the four prescription medications Cathriona used to kill herself last year; he also accused Carrey of monitoring Cathriona’s movements with remote surveillance cameras.

For his part, Carrey says Burton is suing because he wants the coins — and it does seem that way — but then Burton countered with more accusations against Carrey, like … in addition to all the pills Carrey gave her, he also gave Cathriona three different STDs.

Mark’s information comes from a handwritten letter ALLEGEDLY written by Cathriona that states Jim Carrey gave Cathriona herpes simplex 1, herpes simplex 2, and gonorrhea. The letter also ALLEGES that Carrey lied about giving Cathriona herpes and gonorrhea and dumped her as soon as he found out, ALLEGEDLY calling her “a whore“, an “ungrateful bitch“, and “an opportunist”.

Mark then released a series of text messages ALLEGEDLY sent between Jim and Cathriona in January 2013 where Cathriona informs him she has “bumps” down there and Carrey asks that she “hurry up” and sign some sort of an “agreement.” When Cathriona let Jim know she didn’t feel “comfortable” signing it, Jim ALLEGEDLY responded that he was “done” and that she had become “too much drama.”

Naturally, Carrey’s lawyer, Marty Singer, says Mark’s claims are “despicable bogus” and questions why Cathriona continued to see Carrey long after the ALLEGED texts were sent.

Still, there’s something there, and one of the weirdest would be exactly what kind of agreement was Carrey asking Cathriona to sign?

An STD pre-nup?

Despite the hit TV film Sharnado, and its unending sequels, Tara Reid is having a rough couple of months; sadly, though, that’s really nothing new for Reid.

Last summer, she got into a radio spat with fellow bimbo Jenny McCarthy and is now catching all sorts of heat for her recent, dramatic, weight loss. She also came under fire for creating a fake relationship with a man so she could get on a reality show and make some coins — Sharknado money isn’t great money.

And then she took to Instagram to promote her latest “film” the direct to cell-phone epic, Worthless, and apparently spent do much time working that angle that, while waiting for a plane to whisk her from NYC to LA she got “stuck” in an airport bar and missed her flight.

Reid was seen at Jack Duggan’s Pub inside Philadelphia International Airport and a witness — possibly Jenny McCarthy getting her roots touched up at the airport — says:

“Tara was beyond tipsy … [and] …was sharing an egg sandwich with an air traveler.”

Her people — and how does Tara Reid have people — says the actress … I giggle at that … was “exhausted from filming [and] missed her flight and got on the next one. She wasn’t tipsy but extremely tired from filming.”

Was that “exhaustion” on the rocks with a twist, or was it served “straight up”?

Miley Cyrus likes to think of herself, not as a hillbilly singer and media whore but as an “artist” and she will not suffer fools like Mariah Carey thinking they, too, are musical geniuses.

In an interview with Elle magazine, where she said she would no longer walk the red carpet at industry events because people are hungry — how she got from red carpet to starvation is beyond me — Cyrus also dished Mimi.

See, on an episode of The Voice, where she is … I giggle … a judge, Miley told a contestant that not everyone can be Mariah Carey and Elle asked what she meant by that:

“I’ve never really been a fan, because it’s so much about Mariah Carey. That’s part of her shtick; I can see through that. That’s part of what makes her a gay icon; like, it’s about Mimi! It’s about what she’s wearing, and it’s about her. What I make isn’t about me. It’s about sharing my story; it’s about someone being connected to what I’m saying.”

Huh; then please to explain the denim hillbilly leisure suit studded with giant pink flowers that you wore on The Voice … or even the time you appeared wearing suspenders covering your nipples. And the Twerking and the stupid tongue-out-your-mouth poses and the All About Miley social media posts.

Miley, honey, you are Mariah Carey, you’re just a low-rent version of her. And she ain’t even high class to begin with …

I Didn't Say It ...

Orrin Hatch, the Republican Senator from Utah, waving the white flag on marriage equality:

"Let’s face it, anybody who does not believe that gay marriage is going to be the law of the land just hasn’t been observing what’s going on. There is a question whether [the courts] should be able to tell the states what they can or cannot do with something as important as marriage, but the trend right now in the courts is to permit gay marriage and anybody who doesn’t admit that just isn’t living in the real world. We have an excellent federal bench [in Utah]. Other federal judges down there might not have arrived at the same conclusion that these two have. But I think it’s a portent of the future that sooner or later gay marriage is probably going to be approved by the Supreme Court of the United States, certainly as the people in this country move towards it, especially young people. I don’t think that’s the right way to go; on the other hand, I do accept whatever the courts say."

Of course, he wants y’all, and his constituents to know, that he doesn’t like it, he just knows it going to happen.

Nasir Fleming, on being crowned homecoming queen at Danbury High School:

"My main reason for wanting to win prom queen is to show the school, and hopefully the world, that if a spunky, odd gay kid can win prom queen, then anyone can! This message is mainly for transgendered people, because they seem to face so much backlash for simply being themselves. If I can win a title that is out of my gender, anyone else should be able to, including transgendered people.”

I called him a hero earlier this week and that still stands.

Frank Bruni, on The Gay Kiss:

"A kiss is nothing. On the sidewalks, in the park, I see one every few minutes, a real kiss, lip to lip. It barely registers. It’s as unremarkable as a car horn in traffic, as an umbrella in rain. And yet a kiss is everything. A kiss can stop the world. The football player Michael Sam recently demonstrated as much.  … I still sometimes feel panic when my partner, meeting me in a restaurant, gives me a perfunctory kiss on the lips. And yet I feel robbed — wronged — if I sense that an awareness of other people’s gazes and a fear of their judgment are preventing him from doing that. We shouldn’t be bound that way, and on the day of the pro football draft, in front of the cameras, Sam rightly declared that he wasn’t. He did so with a gesture at once humdrum and heroic, a gesture that connects everyone who has been in love and affirms what every love shares: physical tenderness, eye-to-eye togetherness. It was something to behold. It was something to hold on to."

It’s just a kiss, y’all.

RuPaul, on using the word ‘Tranny':

"Does the word ‘tranny’ bother me? No. I love the word ‘tranny.’ … It’s not the transexual community who’s saying that. These are fringe people who are looking for storylines to strengthen their identity as victims. That is what we are dealing with. It’s not the trans community. ‘Cause most people who are trans have been through hell and high water… But some people haven’t and they’ve used their victimhood to create a situation where, ‘No! You look at me! I want you to see me the way you’re supposed to see me!’ You know, if your idea of happiness has to do with someone else changing what they say, what they do, you are in for a fucking hard-ass road… I dance to the beat of a different drummer. I believe everybody — you can be whatever the hell you wanna be, I ain’t stopping you. But don’t you dare tell me what I can do or what I can’t — say or can’t do. It’s just words, like, ‘Yeah, you hurt me!’ Bitch, you need to get stronger. If you’re upset by something I said you have bigger problems than you think.”

Much as I love Ru, she needs to stop and think.

If using that word offends the transgender community then you stop using that word. Stop.

Phil Robertson, of Duck Dynasty, giving an Easter Sunday sermon juts filled with hate:

"They were mad at me…You say, why’d they get mad at you? Cuz instead of acknowledging their sin, like you had better do, they railed against me for giving them the truth about their sins. Don’t deceive yourselves. You want the verse? The news media didn’t even know it was a verse! They thought I was just mouthing off. Is homosexual behavior a sin? The guy asked me. I said, ‘do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God?’ Don’t be deceived. Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators nor adulterers nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.”

STFU.

Mark Ruffalo, on his hesitancy to accept a role in HBO’s The Normal Heart because he’s a straight actor:

“I'd heard about [director Ryan Murphy] and I was a little nervous about saying no without at least speaking to him, giving him the respect that he deserves. We met, and my thinking at the time was, ‘Aren't we at the place in our culture, in our development, where a gay man should be playing this part?’ That was kind of a concern for me. Politically speaking, it felt like that was the right thing for this play and for this movie at this time. And Ryan said, very clearly, ‘That's the antithesis of what this movie is about. It doesn't matter what your sexual preference is. It matters what actor I think should play this part.’”

If that’s the case, then all straight roles should go to straight actors? No, it’s about whom can best fulfill the vision the director has in mind, and I think Ruffalo was a fabulous choice.

“Dr.” Robi Ludwig, a reality TV psychotherapist, on how Santa Barbara mass murderer Elliot Rodger may have gone on the rampage because he couldn’t cope with his “homosexual impulses”:

 “When I was first listening to him, I was like, ‘Oh, he’s angry with women for rejecting him. And then I started to have a different idea: Is this somebody who is trying to fight against his homosexual impulses? Was he angry with women because they were taking away men from him? But this is a kid who couldn’t connect, and felt enraged, and wanted to obliterate anyone that made him feel like a nothing.”

Go back to playing a doctor on TV because you have no basis in reality. Charlatan.

“Dr.” Robi Ludwig, reality TV psychotherapist, backtracking on her crazy:

“I was misunderstood on @FoxNews this weekend, when I was asked to hypothesize several factors which could have triggered ‪#‎ElliotRoger's spree killing. I in NO way meant to indicate being a homosexual or having homosexual impulses is a cause for spree killing.”

Funny, cuz it’s kinda what you said.

Charlie Dent, Republican Pennsylvania Representative, coming out for marriage equality:

"Life is too short to have the force of government stand in the way of two adults whose pursuit of happiness includes marriage. [In] conversations with my family, I have come to realize that they already see the world through that lens. As a Republican, I value equality, personal freedom and a more limited role for government in our lives. I believe this philosophy should apply to the issue of marriage as well."

Funny he didn’t feel that way when it seemed like marriage equality would never happen in his state.

Color my cynical, but I feel he’s climbed aboard the bandwagon after-the-fact to make himself look better. He doesn’t.

Jim Carrey, giving the commencement speech at Maharishi University of Management in Iowa:

“The decisions we make in this moment are based in either love or fear. So many of us chose our path out of fear disguised as practicality. What we really want seems impossibly out of reach and ridiculous to expect so we never ask the universe for it. I’m saying I’m the proof that you can ask the universe for it. And if it doesn’t happen for you right away, it’s only because the universe is so busy fulfilling my order.”

It never hurts to ask.

Maya Angelou, in 2009, asking New York state senators to support marriage equality.

 “I would ask every man and every woman who’s had the blessing of having children, ‘Would you deny your son or your daughter the ecstasy of finding someone to love?’ To love someone takes a lot of courage. So how much more is one challenged when the love is of the same sex and the laws say, ‘I forbid you from loving this person’?”

RIP

Great lady.