Meme Dump

Why Is It ...

… that I sometimes read a text and think, “What a psycho,” and other times I just press Send?

... that I look at people and think, "Shut the Hell up," and they aren't even speaking?

… that the older  I get the less I feel the need to be included, understood or accepted?

… that the problem I have with movies about surviving an apocalypse is that I have no desire to survive an apocalypse.

… the people appreciate my honesty until I’m honest about them , and then suddenly I’m an asshole?

… that every time I try to eat healthy along comes Thanksgiving and Christmas and summer … or Tuesday, and ruins it for me?

… that my boss got annoyed when I called in ‘healthy’ to work last Thursday, saying, “Look, I’m not coming in  today. I feel really good and don’t want to waste it on work.”

Oscarvations

Y’all know this is a long-assed show, so I’m gonna focus on the funny, and maybe the sweet, and the winners, and what people said, cuz it was a good show, and as a huge fan of Everything Everywhere All At Once I was quite happy, so here goes …

I am not the biggest fan of Jimmy Kimmel, as he sometimes plays it safe and I like my comedy with an edge, but he gave us some zingers … though he spent a bit too much time up Tom Cruise’s ass, like when he parachuted out of Top Gun onto the stage.

Give me a chance to adjust my danger zone here. My banshees are caught in my inisherin.

And we begin with The Rock, annoyingly scripted, and Emily Blunt present BEST ANIMATED FEATURE … Guillermo del Toro Pinocchio

In the acting categories alone there are sixteen first-time nominees …Jamie Lee Curtis … Ana de Armas … Colin Farrell … Michelle Yeoh … Brendan Fraser … Ke Huy Quan … Thirty-one years ago, Brendan Fraser and Ke Huy Quan starred together in ‘Encino Man.’ Two actors from ‘Encino Man’ are nominated for Oscars. … What a very difficult night for Pauley Shore.

Troy Kotzer and Ariana Dubose present PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE … Ke Huy Quan Everything Everywhere All At Once …  

“Mom, I just won an Oscar.” 

... and then PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE … Jamie Lee Curtis Everything Everywhere All At Once … 

“My mother and father were both nominated for Oscars … I just won an Oscar.”

Cara Delevingne presents Sofia Carson singing ‘Applause’ from Tell It Like A Woman, a rather beautiful rendition. 

When I look around this room I can’t help but wonder, Is Ozempic right for me?

Riz Ahmed—Hot Man Alert—and Questlove present BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE … Navalny …

'My husband is in prison just for telling the truth.’

... followed by BEST LIVE-ACTION SHORT FILM … An Irish Goodbye … The winners thank a few people and then sing Happy Birthday, with the audience, to a friend …

Halle Bailey And Melissa McCarthy present a trailer for Disney’s live-action Little Mermaid film … because Disney, ABC, Oscars … blatant self-promotion.

I’m glad to see Nicole Kidman has been set free from that abandoned AMC theater.

Michael B. Jordan and Jonathan Majors—Hot Men Alert—present ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY … All Quiet on The Western Front … James Friend … sweet  … 

Jennifer Connelly and Samuel L. Jackson present ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING … The Whale … Adrien Morot, Judy Chin, and Anne Marie Bradley …

‘Avatar: The Way of Water’ gave James Cameron another chance to do what he likes best: drowning Kate Winslet … You know a show is too long when even James Cameron can’t sit through it … Why did the academy not nominate James Cameron for directing? Who do they think he is? A woman? … James Cameron has directed three $2 billion movies or, given his marital history, three $1 billion movies.

Morgan Freeman and Margot Robie talk about Warner Bros. a bit that could have been excluded and shaved valuable minutes off the show … and I noticed they included a clip of The Wizard of Oz,  a film made by MGM?

Paul Dano and Julia Louis Dreyfus … she makes a joke about being a fashionista in that made from home dress … ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN … Black Panther: Wakanda Forever Ruth Carter … “Thanks to the academy for recognizing the superhero that is a Black woman. She endures, she overcomes, she loves.”

Antonia Banderas and Salma Hayek present BEST INTERNATIONAL FEATURE FILM …All Quiet On The Western Front … Germany

This point in the show kinda makes you miss the slapping.

Elizabeth Olsen and Pedro Pascal present BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT FILM … The Elephant Whisperers followed by BEST ANIMATED SHORT FILM … The Boy, The Mole, The Fox and The Horse

Lady Gaga is out to sing her song from Top Gun Maverick after first saying she wouldn’t be there and having the academy select someone else to sing it. She milks her moment proving she is as thirsty as Madonna and making the moment all about her

Andie MacDowell and Hugh Grant talk about moisturizers; he says Andie’s been suing one every day for the last twenty-nine years and he’s never used one, which is why she is “still stunning” and he looks like a “scrotum” ...

and then they present ACHIEVEMENT IN PRODUCTION DESIGN … All Quiet On The Western Front

The difference between movies and TV is that TV can’t lose a hundred million dollars. Is the gang from ‘Babylon’ here?

Mindy Kaling and John Cho present BEST ORIGINAL SCORE … All Quiet On The Western Front

Elizabeth Banks and Cocaine Bear are out, she nearly trips on her hideous gown, to present ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS … Avatar: The Way of Water

Jimmy Kimmel reads questions the audience, a bit that fell flat, which proves yet again, keep the host onstage and out of the crowd.

Rihanna sings Life Me Up simply and elegantly.

They say Hollywood is running out of ideas. Poor Steven Spielberg had to make a movie about Steven Spielberg. Steven Spielberg and Seth Rogan right here. The Joe and Hunter Biden of Hollywood.

Florence Pugh and Andrew Garfield present BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY … Everything Everywhere All At Once … The Daniels, Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert … thanking teachers … 

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY … Women Talking … Sarah Polley … 

I want to thans the academy for not being mortified by the words ‘women’ and ‘talking’ so close together.

Kimmel out again to kiss Tom Cruise’s ass … does he get paid for each Top Gun mention?

Janelle Monae and Kate Hudson present ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND … Top Gun Maverick ... 

and then present BEST ORIGINAL SONG … the very catchy Naatu Naatu from RRR

If anyone in this theater commits an act of violence, you will be awarded the Oscar for Best Actor and permitted to give a nineteen minute long speech. If anything unpredictable or violent happens, do what you did last year: Nothing. Sit there and do nothing; maybe even give the assailant a hug.

John Travolta tears up as he introduces the In Memoriam segment, with a nod to the late Olivia Newton John … Lenny Kravitz sings ‘Calling All Angels’

Sigourney Weaver and Zoe Saldana present ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITIING … Everything Everywhere All At Once … Paul Rogers … totally adorable … 

"This is too much. This is my second film, y’all. This crazy.”

Everyone who’s ever received a text message from their father knows about editing. Editors can turn 44,000 hours of violent insurrection footage into a respectable sightseeing tour of the capital.

Idris Elba and Nicole Kidman present ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING … Everything Everywhere All At Once … The Daniels, Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert … love seeing people thrilled to win who love their work and the idea that people found it and love it … “

"Specifically my mom and dad, thank you for not squashing my creativity when I was making really disturbing horror films or perverted comedy films or dressing in drag which is a threat to no one.”

Jessica Chastain and Halle Berry present BEST ACTOR … Brendan Fraser … The Whale …

"Thanks to Darren Aronofsky for throwing me a creative lifeline.’

… followed by BEST ACTRESS … Michelle Yeoh … Everything Everywhere All At Once …

‘For all the little boys and girls who look like me, this is a beacon of hope. And ladies, don’t let anyone ever tell you you’re past your prime.’

Harrison Ford presents BEST FILM … Everything Everywhere All At Once … accepted by producer, and hot little nugget—Hot Man Alert—Jonathan Wang … ‘To my wife, if all this shiny stuff and tuxedoes goes away I would just love to do taxes and laundry with you for the rest of my life.’

And there you have it, all the awards presented on the show, and yet it went just about nine minutes long. I love that Everything Everywhere All At Once won so many … Jamie Lee Curtis deserved her t … a more bizarre and amazing film I have never seen. Lots of laughs, a few missteps, but no slaps, which is a good thing.

What did you think?

I’ve Seen This Movie

A driver involved in a car accident in the Van Nuys area of Southern California gave onlookers quite the sight to see when he emerged from his vehicle, apparently unscathed, and nude.

The two-vehicle crash occurred and the man’s blue truck collided with the curb and created a bit of a traffic jam when the driver of that truck exited the vehicle through the passenger door, naked, with clothing in his hands. He then walks calmly up the street, away from the accident, dropping his clothes along the way.

 

The Terminator, right?

JoeMyGod

Who Should It Be? Who? Who?

Well, here we are, some fifteen later, and my favorite Bond, Daniel Craig, is hanging up the tuxedo—and, even sadder, the blue square cut bathing suit—after No Time To Die.

And so here we are again, asking that age old question, who will be the new 007.

I was hoping, so hoping, that it would have been Idris Elba, the first Black Bond and a hunk of burning spy, but alas even Idris thinks his time might have passed him by. Although, from what I've read, he might still be interested.

And there are some who say Tom Hardy should be Bond, but when I think of Hardy, I don’t think “Shaken, not stirred,” I think, “Garble Garble Garble.” I mean, if we’re being honest, Hardy is kind of a mush mouth. 

And what about that super man, Henry Cavill? Suave, debonair, handsome as hell, but … he’s Superman, he can’t be Bond, too.

So, who’s next? What about a female Bond, Jane Bond? If the producers really switch it up, which I doubt they will, here are some options:

Charlize Theron; she’s a bad ass, think Furiosa in Mad Max: Fury Road, but even though she’s South African, she comes off as American and Bond needs to be English, or Scottish, or Irish, or Welsh.

Sorry Charlize.

Clare Foy; yes, she played Queen Elizabeth in The Crown, but she was also Lizbeth Salander in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. But she was rough and tumble in that film, so she could pull off smooth killer spy?

Margot Robbie; I’m gonna say ‘No,’ because I get more Bond girl than I do Bond with Margot.

Thandie Newton; she played a cold-blooded killing machine in Westworld and has co-starred with Little Tommy Cruise in a Mission Impossible film, so she can manage the cool and calm and the action scenes, too. Plus, girl is sexy AF.

Emily Blunt; she played Mary Poppins, people. Let's be blunt: Poppins cannot be Bond.

Naomie Harris; well, she’s already in the franchise—Eve Moneypenny in Skyfall and Spectre—so it might not be a big stretch to say she’s the new Bond.

Good choice, some, but I don’t think the women have a shot. James Bond is a lot of things, but he’s all-man, all English, Scottish, Welsh, Irish or Australian, too, so no American or Canadian Bonds. And he needs to be young enough to continue the series for several years. I don’t wanna be thinking of my Bond with bad knees and arthritis.

So, let’s dish the guys:

Matt Smith, who was the first Prince Philip on The Crown and a former Dr. Who. Smith is debonair, clever, sexy and frightening, and, as I know from scenes from The Crown, he has an ass to die for. And sometimes a great ass is the greatest asset.

Alfred Enoch, from How To Get Away With Murder and the Harry Potter films. He’s a long shot, and some say too young to be Bond, but at thirty-two he is the same age as Sean Connery when he filmed Dr. No and we all know how good Connery was in the role. But Alfred doesn't come off sexy and cool; he's cute, like a puppy Bond

Richard Madden. He’s Scottish, he was Robb Stark on Game of Thrones and Prince Charming in 201s Cinderella, so he can be deadly and suave. And an extra plus is that Richard Madden, who has dated women, might have also been in a  relationship with a man, so Bond, Gay Bond? I could, um, get behind that.

Ben Barnes, who played Prince Caspian in the Narnia films and starred as a mischievous villain in Netflix’s Shadow and Bone. Barnes has that Bond twinkle and wink in his eye so maybe he could pull off the tux … if you get my meaning.

Oliver Jackson-Cohen. He’s got the charm and the good looks and the hot body for those swimsuit scenes I need from my Bond. And he stared in The Invisible Man and on Netflix shows like The Haunting of Hill House and The Haunting of Bly Manor.

Now, whomever Barbara Broccoli and Michael Wilson choose as the next Bond, it will cause a lot of controversy. I still remember people freaking out over Daniel Craig being chosen in 2005 because he was :::gasp::: blond.

But, if I had my way, and even though he’s nearing fifty, I’d go Idris Elba. Please, And shaken, not stirred.

And if the powers that be really want to shake things up and cast a female lead as Bond, I am Team Thandie Newton all day long.

Huh, maybe have Idris and Thandie plays The Bonds?

Who do you think should take over the role next?

Bobservations

Carlos is sick. I think it’s the Moron-a-virus. I kid; or do I?

See, when Carlos gets sick, no one has ever been as sick, and he hopes and hopes and prays that I “don’t get this because it’s really bad.” And then, if I do get it, and I complain about it, he says, “It’s not that bad.”

I will give him credit because he’s moved to the guest room while he’s hacking and sniffling and sneezing—so I don’t “get it”—and I’m enjoying the luxury of king-sized sleeping. But then he’s also upset because none of the cats sleep with him. Um, they want the king-sized luxury, too, you know.

This morning, as he moaned in that scratchy deep voice that would be so sexy if it weren’t for the phlegm and the coughing fits, I told him he should pray that he gets well quickly, and he said:

“God can suck my dick.”

Someone won’t be getting better any time soon, I think.

After leaders of the Nevada Culinary Workers Union alleged online bullying by Bernie Sander’s  supporters over the union’s disagreement with his health care plan, Bernie said this:

“Harassment of all forms is unacceptable to me, and we urge supporters of all campaigns not to engage in bullying or ugly personal attacks. Our campaign is building a multi-generational, multi-racial movement of love, compassion, and justice. We can certainly disagree on issues, but we must do it in a respectful manner.”

See what he does there? He accepts zero responsibility for his rabid supporters.

Hey Bernie? Tell’ em to knock it the fuck off because otherwise, you look like you condone it. And you don’t, do you?

Brad Parscale, _____’s campaign manager, Tweeted, and then deleted, a photo of Air Force One at the Daytona 500 with the caption:

“@realDonaldTrump won the #Daytona500 before the race even started.”

Twitterers took about a nanosecond to point out that the photo was from President George W. Bush’s visit to the NASCAR race in 2004.

Here’s the deal—and one or both of these things could be true—wither the _____ campaign is run by a gaggle of lying stupid asshats, or the _____campaign thinks its supporters are stupid enough to believe whatever they say.

Cardinal Valasio De Paolis—the Vatican official appointed by the pope to lead the Legion of Christ, a disgraced religious order and to clean up its history of child rape—has been called out Yolanda Martínez, whose son had been asexually assaulted by a Legion of Christ priest to report the settlement offer the church came up with to compensate her son for his rape.

Cardinal De Paolis had offered the Martínez’ family about $16,000, but only if her son would recant his testimony that the priest had repeatedly raped him when he was a 12-year-old student at the order’s youth seminary.

He gets the money for being raped if he says he lied about being raped.

The Catholic Church.

In great LGBTQ+ ally news, two of my favorite actors, Ruth Wilson and Matt 'My Husband In My head' Bomer, are set to star in the film The Book of Ruth, based on the life of Ruth Coker Burks—center—the self-described “straight church lady” who provided end-of-life care, and oftentimes funerals, to nearly 1,000 gay men with AIDS whose families had abandoned them.

You can read her story HERE

Several #GOPCoward lawmakers expressed concern over _____’s comments on the sentencing of longtime ally Roger Stone.

Really? What they say to their Glorious Leader?

Miss Lindsey: “I don’t think he should be commenting on cases in the system. I don’t think that’s appropriate.”

Susan Collins: “The president should not have gotten involved.”

My favorite is Senator Lisa Murkowski, the #GOPCoward from Alaska who was asked if she believed _____ learned any lessons from his impeachment: “Well, there haven’t been very strong indicators this week that he has.”

And yet they still kiss his ring, though in the case of Miss Lindsey, it’s the ass he’s kissing.

These three #GOPCowards are exactly why this party needs to go. They say he does bad things; they say he doesn’t do the right things; they say he’s wrong, but when it’s time to stand against him, suddenly they lose their voices.

Vote.Them.All.Out.

The other night, bored, I began flipping through channels, not really paying attention. But then … Irish accent; man, I’m a sucker for an accent. And so, I stopped, and discovered Eoin—pronounced Owen—Macken, on s showed called Stumptown.

He’s an actor, director, author and model, and has an honors degree in Psychology; smart, sexy, scraggly bed hair, soulful eyes, dimples and an accent.

Sign.Me.Up.