Snarky Thoughts

It looks like there’s some movement in Kevin Costner’s attempts to get soon-to-be ex-wife Christine Baumgartner out of the family manse. According to Kevin, Christine is squatting in HIS house because, according to their prenup, she was supposed to get out within 30 days of her May 1 divorce filing. And even though Kevin gave her $1 million to find a Santa Barbara shack to rent she hasn’t packed her bags because now she wants almost $250K a month in child support to maintain the, ahem, “quality of life their three teenage kids are accustomed to" and he says Christine is holding the mansion  hostage until she’s guaranteed a big pay day. Now, all of that seems true given that Christine has ALLEGEDLY said she will only move when the court orders Kevin to cough up a dump truck of money.

My Thought: Is it too late for Kev and Chrissie to adopt me? I mean, as one of their children, I could get by on about $100K a month … a bargain in my mind.

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We’ve all had bad hair days … well, not me, mine always looks fabulous ... but poor Lana Del Rey had the Bad Hair Day to end all Bad Hair Days. Scheduled to perform at Glastonbury, alongside Guns N’ Roses, Lizzo, and Rick Astley, Lana was set to take the stage at 10:30 PM but failed to show for an embarrassingly long time because ... wait for it ... her hair took longer than anticipated; Lana acknowledged that her set might get cut short too because her mop wouldn't cooperate.

My Thought: Lana should’a slapped a wing on her melon because, as if on cue, and in mid-song, her set ended at her scheduled end time.

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As the Writer’s Guild of America [WGA] strike rages on, most actors are supporting the writers’ demands for better living wages in the age of digital streaming. It’s all about what is fair, unless you’re Kim Kardastrophe and only care about what’s fair to you. And what’s fair to Kimmy is crossing a picket line to film a wee spot in next season’s American Horror Story … I won’t be watching … and took to Twitter to talk about working, causing writer’s all through Hollywood, who are not writing for TV and Movies, to post on Twitter that Kim Kardastrophe … not to be confused with Meryl Streep but perhaps with the woman who brings Meryl her coffee ... is an idiot and a scab.

My Thought: I might be wrong, but I think the plot of this next season of AHS is the frightening idea that porn stars turned media whores think they’re actors. They’re not.

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Speaking of Hollywood couples splitting up, the low-rent version of Kevin and Christine, AKA Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling, are also separating. But unlike the Costner split, this time it’s the man causing all the fuss, with Dean now claiming that for nearly two decades after the two began cheating with one another on their former spouses and then divorced those spouses and married one another, that he is a  victim of “entitled” Tori and her endless “demands” and that he tried anything and everything to please his wife. But then, after nearly two decades, he realized that Tori was using “their marital problems to stay relevant” and so Deano is dunzo.

My Thought: Tori has never been relevant. And Dean deserves what he gets because he picked her, schtupped her, divorced his wife, married her and then made a bushel of babies.

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The reason for the existence of Maury Povich’s “talk” show was to have people on who f**ked one another, leaving the girl pregnant and wondering if the Baby Daddy was the Baby Daddy. It all boiled down to Maury reading a sheet of paper and announcing, “You are the father,” or “You are not the father,’ and cheers and tears would follow. But, after nearly sixty years … I kid, it only felt like sixty years, Maury got the ax so what is he supposed to do? Well, he’s actually selling at-home paternity tests to so people can test themselves at home.

My Thought: How much will Maury charge to travel to each home for the reveals?

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Bobservations

No Carlos this week, but I do have one about The Boys …

Last week I told you that Tuxedo is back sleeping with his two Daddies thanks to a step stool that gets him easily from the ground to the bed. And so he began snuggling with us each night, but that change kinda irritated one MaxGoldberg, who has had his two Daddies to himself all night for nearly a year.

One night this week, Max came onto the bed, saw Tuxedo snuggling with Carlos and turned and left; he didn’t come back into the bedroom until very late, or early, in the morning, and was not happy. So what does MaxGoldberg do? Well,  on chilly mornings, Tuxedo would always lay down under the desk in the living room, by a heating vent, to get warm; it was his spot.

Until that day this week when  MaxGoldberg got there first and refused to budge. Tuxedo ate his breakfast, walked into the living room, saw Max in his spot, and walked the other direction. And later that morning, as the sun warmed up the sunroom and all the cats headed out there to nap, Max and Tuxedo each chose a different chair to sleep in, even though they normally nap snuggled in the same chair.

The sibling rivalry is real. And kinda funny.

As a Cat of Color Tuxedo is disgusted by the line of questioning KBJ has had to endure from the Republicans. 

A co-worker complained about the high price of gas and I reminded her that she spends five bucks a day, every day, for a 20-oz fancy coffee, and, oh by the way, no one is bombing her family out of their home.

Here’s a tip for the next dinner party you attend … instead of making the usual small talk, and asking people what they do for a living, look them dead in the eye and ask:

“So, who do you hate here?”

It’s quite the icebreaker.

Note to the Don’t Say Gay crowd … if your kids are old enough to learn about the Virgin Mary finding herself miraculously pregnant with another man’s child while engaged to her decades older carpenter boyfriend, I think they can handle the story of Billy’s two dads.

Oh, and this week these billboards are sprouting up all over Florida.

Say ‘Gay.’

I just read that the Maury show is ending after thirty-one … WTF … years on TV and I have just one question: How will I ever know who’s the father now?

God, she’s just so precious I could strangle the life out of her.

Gwyneth Paltrow, who believes she invents everything because she slaps a GOOP label on it, has, ahem, designed a new shoe that almost everyone was wearing back in the 90s and called it ‘new’:  the Pilgrim show, which are for sale from GOOP for $1,195. Or you can try your local secondhand store and get a pair for three bucks.

I really could strangle her, and try to pop her ego like it was a giant zit.

So, we know  that Mark and Debra Meadows submitted voter registration forms that listed their residence as a mobile home with a rusted metal roof that sold for $105,000 in 2021, even though they had never lived there. And we know this caused North Carolina officials to investigate Meadows for voter fraud.

Now we also know that Debra Meadows cast a ballot in a 2020 primary runoff using an address that was no longer valid for voting.

Quelle surprise … Republicans breaking the law.

Last week a couple in North Carolina dropped their dog off at a rescues center, abandoning the pet because they said he was gay; they found him humping another male dog. Well, this week that dog has a new home, and a very LGBTQ+-friendly one at that.

Steve Nichols and his partner, John, adopted Fezco after hearing the story about him getting abandoned by his former human parents. Nichols says they felt an immediate connection to Fezco, as both he and John have faced discrimination in their own lives.

Now Fezco has two dads who love him.

This is model, athlete and doctor for the NHS, Rodolfo Valentino, who was born in Napoli and moved to the UK seven years ago to work for the NHS. But the question is: Would You Hit It?