Bobservations

So I come home from work Monday night and chat with Carlos as I change clothes; I tell him I’m going to do some laundry and he says:

“I did a couple of loads already today.”

And I was in heaven because I didn’t really want to do laundry but it’s my task around the house and it was lovely that he’d done it while I was at work, but then … I took my clothes to put into the clothes hamper and it was full; full?

“I thought you said you did laundry?”

“I did; I washed the things on my chair because I didn’t have any clean t-shirts.”

“So you did your t-shirts?”

“Yeah.”

I loved him for trying … and then I did an actual two loads of laundry, bless his heart.

This Tuxedo Says is from June 2020 …

Tuxedo is done with the ‘use of force’ bull shit when the job can be done just as easily without it.

Sidenote: this is quite timely in light of that man in New York being found not guilty of choking another man to death on the subway.

Is anyone really surprised that there is not one single woman or any person of color leading any House committee for the first time in twenty years after the GOP revealed their list of committee leaders for the 119th Congress last week?

The 17 standing committees, whose leaders were selected by the House Republican Steering Committee, will be dominated by white men.

Ain’t that America.

Madonna had fans, er fan, in a frenzy after she shared AI-generated photos of her and Pope Francis getting handsy on her Instagram Story. The first photo depicted Frankie hugging Madge from the side, his nose pressed against her cheek, with a huge smile across his face. In the second photo he appears to be whispering sweet nothings into her good ear.

Am I the only one who thinks her plastic surgeon pulled her face too tight and squeezed all the oxygen from her brain?

Dear Time magazine, I can’t help but think that maybe this is what you meant to put on your cover but thanks to Vanity Fair for showing you the way.

The judge in the  E. Jean Carroll case against The Felon called him a rapist for what he did and the later, in an interview with ABC News, George Stephanopoulos reported that fact, but then The Felon got butt-hurt at being called a rapist … again … and sued ABC and the networks instantly caved and will give $15M to The Felon Library to settle the lawsuit.

ABC now has zero credibility.

The House Ethics Committee secretly voted earlier this month to release its report into the sexual misconduct of former Reprehensible Representative Matt Gaetz before the end of this Congress.

And now Matty is threatening to squeal on everyone in Congress.

Good. Do it.

Denis Jovanovic began his modeling career at age 14 after he got scouted on Facebook. He was soon modeling for renowned fashion houses like  Dolce & Gabbana ,Roberto Cavalli, Stone Island … but Would You Hit It?

Bobservations

Carlos uses something called Voice Over on his phone to read his texts and to also read emails and websites on the phone to him. The other day he got a text and his phone told him; Carlos asked to have the text read and it was, and then Voice Over told him he had one unread text from Bob and asked if Carlos wanted it read.

“No.”

I was sitting in the room and told him it was a text I’d sent a few days earlier when I was on my way to pick him up from somewhere and he called to tell me he’d arranged a ride home. As I was on my way, I texted back:

“I’m almost there.”

And so I picked him up and drove him home. The following week we were having some plumbing work done in the house and I texted:

“How are the repairs going?”

He replied:

“This early?”

“What does that mean? Is Craig still working on the plumbing?”

“Yes, but he went to Lowes to get a part.”

“Okay.”

Cut to a few hours later and Carlos texts me:

“I thought you were coming home?”

“No. I’m here until four, and then I’m coming home.”

“You told me you were coming home.”

It took me a minute to realize that since Carlos hadn’t asked Voice Over to read him my texts from a few days earlier, the one I sent on Saturday wasn’t read until Monday and he thought it was a new text saying:

“I’m almost there.”

We went round and round on when that text was sent and when it was read.  Technology is a good thing … if you use it.

This Tuxedo Memory is from March 2015and is entitled “It's A Thin Line Between Utter Boredom and Sheer Joy” because … look at that face!

Oy, I miss that face.

When they presented the acting awards at last weekend’s Oscar’s they brought out five past winners in each category to introduce this year’s nominees. When it was time to present Best Actor, one of the former winners was Matthew McConaughey who looked a little too much like a beloved comic character, Fire Marshall Bill.

Someone needs to lay off the spray tan, stay out of the tanning bed, and ease up on the teeth whitening.

Alright? Alright? Alright!

Someone needs to hold her down because when Maddie sees this all Hell will break loose:

Crocs. Not just for your feet anymore.

A new word has joined our lexicon in light of the so-called Christians trying to use their faith to lead this country, and that word is:

Evangenitals; noun

evan-gen-i-tals: fundamentalist Christians who are constantly interested in what’s in someone else’s pants.

Use it proudly.

John Cena was a nice semi-nude welcome to the Oscars this past Sunday, and that meme put it perfectly; but then I found this photo of what Cena was hiding behind the Oscar envelope:

No wonder he needed a big envelope!

Madonna once again put her foot in her mouth, this time during a concert in California when, from the stage, she called out a concertgoer for sitting down:

“What are you doing sitting down over there? What are you getting [by] sitting down?”

It took a moment before Madge’s ego stepped aside and she could see that the seated concertgoer was, ahem, in a wheelchair. And once she realized her error she attempted to apologize:

“Oh, OK. Politically incorrect. Sorry about that. I'm glad you are here.”

Not politically incorrect, but kinda rude, because there is no law that says concertgoers must stand during a Madge performance.

This past Monday afternoon one of the most influential LGBTQ+, HIV/AIDS activists and political strategists in our community passed away.

David Mixner, 77, was a longtime formidable presence in both Democratic progressive political circles and within his beloved LGBTQ+ community.

RIP David and thanks for fighting with us and for us.

This is British actor and model Danny Griffin, but it’s not about any of that; it’s just Would You Hit It?

Snarky Thoughts

We learned last week that Madge broke up with her 23-year-old model boyfriend Andrew Darnel and was said to be suffering from the breakup. Luckily, Madge eased her pain by starting to date 29-year-old boxing coach Josh Popper a few days later.

My Thought: She’s resilient, that Madge.

photo

Rolling Stone‘s 200 Greatest Singers list was a hot mess, first because folks—not me—were horrified that the magazine snubbed Celine Dion. And now we’re learning that Chaka Khan is also annoyed at the list, not just because of her spot there—she came in at #29. During a recent stop at The Originals podcast Chaka wasted no time reading others on the list, and the idea of a list itself:

“I didn’t even know what the hell you were talking about, so obviously this don’t mean a great deal to me. These people don’t quantify or validate me in any way.”

She threw shade all over Mimi, suggesting Carey’s spot at #5 was bought and paid for … “That must be payola or some shit like that.” And when asked about Adele, who also came in ahead of Chaka at 22, Khan just threw up her hands and said: “OK, I quit.”

But she was furious about Mary J. Blige, coming in … again, ahead of Chaka … at #25, saying that when Blige “fucked up” her song Sweet Thing when Mary covered it on her debut album What’s the 411? And then she claimed the judges at Rolling Stone were:

“Blind as a motherfucking bat! They need hearing aids…These must be the children of Helen Keller!”

My Thought: I don’t quite get the idea of the judges being blind, but then I don’t get much of Chaka Khan. I know she sang about being every woman, but she certainly doesn’t care much for every woman.

photo

Apparently an audience member at former RHONY “star” Luann de Lesseps’ cabaret show was so overcome with emotion by the sheer talent of a reality star that she vomited all over the former Countess.

My Thought: I would think that would be  anormal thing. I mean if you’d heard Luann sing you’d probably blow chunks, too.

photo

Speaking of former RHONY “stars” Bethenny Frankel, who apparently has nothing going on in her life, so she’s talking, again, about the time she was a contestant on Martha Stewart’s version of The Apprentice an lost, and how, to this day Martha doesn’t like her. Bethenny was a contestant on the show and placed second and says Martha was a big old meanie to her when giving her the ax … though I might have used an actual ax:

“What she said to me when she fired me was insane. She said, “Bethenny, you’re pushy, you’re a show-off and you feel the need to make a physical impression which is not entirely necessary at Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia.” …Oh yeah, she hated me. She hated me.”

My Thought: Since I have never heard Marth mention Bethenny once since kicking her off the show, it sure looks like Bethenny’s the butt-hurt one.

photo

Finally, someone worth talking about … Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl spent over 24 hours volunteering at Hope the Mission’s Trebek Center in Northridge, California preparing brisket, pork butt, ribs and more for hundreds of homeless people.

Grohl and his fellow barbecuers took turns smoking the meat overnight even as a major winter storm moved through Southern California, dumping hail and rain and a little snow on the shelter that night. And when dinner was being served, Grohl stayed front and center serving the unhoused community, and posing for pictures with anyone who asked. .

My Thought: He could have sent a check, he could have catered the evening dinner, but he showed up and worked and served to make the lives of many homeless people a little smoother, a little easier, if even for one day.  We should all be like Dave.

photo

Bobservations

Carlos was having trouble with his iPad last night. With his eyesight, he can still read some things on the screen, but he needs it to be in dark mode, and he had done something to change it back to light and asked me to fix it. And I did because I’m nice like that. Then he said the volume needed to be increased because when he was dictating to the iPad he said, and I’m quoting:

“I like to hear the clink clink clink of the dictation.”

I fixed the volume and said to him:

“You know what  like to hear? The sound of your feet moving you out of the office.”

I swear it’s pure comedy gold around here.

Whobert? Honey? It was thing 45 who closed the schools back in 2020, you dimbulb. But then what do you expect from a “Good” Christian woman who, earlier this week, prayed that that Joe Biden would die. Again.

I caught some of the Grammy’s and here’s what I thought … I loathe Beyoncé. I don’t find her the Second Coming in music and I find her a lying pandering hypocrite. As she won an award she thanked God, her dead Uncle, her parents, her husband, her three kids and, wait for it, the hypocrisy stings, the “queer” community. This after doing a concert in Dubai and being paid tens of millions of dollars to perform in a country that outlaws homosexuality. Fuck off, Bey.

Cheers to Kim Petras for being the first out--Thanks Jon--transgender person to win a Grammy in the best pop duo/group performance category, and for Sam Smith to win as the first non-binary artist; they won for their song ‘Unholy.’

Lastly, Madge’s face. Now people are playing off the outrage over Madonna’s appearance as ageism, but it’s not; it’s WhatTheFuckism. I missed the intro so I saw this person walk onstage, speak in a strange voice, not Madge’s usual British accent, and look just odd. As I began to realize it was Madge, my thoughts went from ‘Egads, her face’ to ‘Is this why her Madonna film was shelved? So she could star in the reboot of 'Hellraiser’?

With people calling it ageist to comment on Madge’s new face, I thought, let’s contrast and compare, using Cher, Madonna’s BFF as an example. This year Madonna is celebrating 40 years in music, and has a tour planned to commemorate that feat, so up top is a picture of 24-year-old Madonna from the early days alongside 64-year-old Madonna from last weekend.

Below that is Cher, also from 1983 when she was 36-years-old and contrasted with Cher, who’s been in show business for sixty-plus years,  from 2023 at age seventy-six.

Both women have had work done, but only one has crossed a line, and, again, that’s not ageism, but WhatTheFuckism.

PS And don't give me the line that Madonna looks like that because she shaved her eyebrows; t's the lips and eyes and cheeks and chin, too.

As Tyre Nichols sat propped against a police car, bloodied, dazed and handcuffed after being beaten by a group of Memphis police officers, Officer Demetrius Haley sent a photograph of Nichols to at least five people, including two fellow officers, a civilian employee of the department and a female acquaintance.

Demand police reforms.

Pete Santilli, conservative rightwingnut,  has blamed the earthquake in Turkey and Syria on Sam Smith’s demonic Grammy performance.

Yes, he says that God was so incensed at an Englishman wearing a horned hat and singing a song on TV in California that She sent an earthquake to the other side of the world and murdered over 10,000 people.

Let that sink in.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and you know what that means: revenge gifts … like having your ex’s name engraved on a cat litter box.

The Animal Friends Humane Society , an Ohio animal shelter, offers this service to fundraise and, more importantly, help the heartbroken by letting them be petty! So, if you’ve been dumped or scorned, cheated on or mistreated, dedicate a litter box to the one you used to love. The gesture will cost $5 per box; the promotion will run until February 12, and the shelter will then reveal all the sponsored litter boxes, names included, in a Facebook post on Valentine’s Day.

Ain’t Revenge Grand?

I really need a pair of socks like this, just to see the looks on people faces as I cross and uncross my legs.

Y’all know what a fan I am of the professional sportsball stuff, right? And I especially like that this year the Quarterbacks for each team are both Black men for the first time in history with Kansas City Chiefs Patrick Mahomes, top left, going up against Eagles QB Jalen Hurts, top right. And then there are two brothers playing on opposite teams in the big game. Bottom right is younger brother from the Chiefs, Travis Kelce, while bottom left is the older brother from the Eagles Jason Kelce. All that means nothing when the real question is: Which One Would You Hit?

I hate to boast, but I really think my response to Large Marge was sheer perfection and, dare I say it, even more comedy gold?

Snarky Thoughts

Clearly it’s his ego that runs his life, because Tom Brady has finally decided to retire from football since he failed to take his team to the Super Bowl this year. I mean, his marriage ended because he refused to retire but he only quit the game after the game quit him first.

My Thought: A year too late, Tommy.

photo

Actress Eva Green has been left “humiliated” by the release of her private text messages she sent out while making the 2019 sci-fi thriller film ‘A Patriot.’ Though the film crashed and burned due to a lack of funding and a falling-out with financial backers, but some say Green’s WhatsApp messages are what really caused the death of the film. Still, to be fair Eva did text that the crew were “shitty peasants,” that a producer was “the devil,” the film’s director “weak and stupid,” and the entire project was a “Bull shit movie” and a “fucking nightmare” but she denies the rumor that she wanted the “chaotic” film to collapse so she would have a chance to seize control of it.

My Thought: Would she really trash every single aspect of the movie and then try to get it made herself? I mean, come on, think how badly the shitty peasants would treat her!

photo

It seems like Jolly Old London just became less jolly for everyone’s least favorite royal—which is saying something—Prince Andrew. A “royal insider”—and I think it’s Kate—says King Charles III has kicked his younger brother out of Buckingham Palace.

My Thought: Meh. Rumor has it that Randy Andy wasn’t even living or working at the Palace but was living at the Royal Lodge at Windsor with his ex-wife Sarah Ferguson.

photo

As we know, 64-year-old Thirst Queen Madonna is going on tour to celebrate her 40-year music career, but odd that it happens just as the Madonna-written, Madonna-directed, Madonna biopic, MADONNA! Was shelved by Universal Pictures. And all this after universal had spent more than $10 million on the film … most going to find a Thai Ladyboy to play Madge in her 60s.

My Thought: I wouldn’t hold my breath waiting for another film studio to pick up the option, because they’d have to cough up millions to Universal to take this vanity thirst project off their hands.

photo

In case you’ve forgotten at one time Taylor Lautner was one of Taylor Swift‘s lengthy list of ex-lovers. And Taylor was with Taylor during that night back in 2009 at the MTV VMAs when Kanye West jumped onstage and basically told Swifty she’d never be Bey-Bey which leads us to Taylor, Lautner that is, saying he wishes he would have jumped onstage and … said something … to Kanye about being mean to poor Swifty.

My Thought: Taylor Lautner wants to revive his “career” after those vampire movies and what better way to do that than to rehash a fourteen-year-old story that very few people really cared about when it was current?

photo

Snarky Thoughts

I’m not sure how many times Tom Brady got sacked this year but me thinks his brain rattled around in his melon a little longer than necessary because after losing his shot at another Super Bowl, he spewed up some nonsense about how he wants his three children—Jack, Benjamin, and Vivian—to experience a little bit of failure in their lives because he believes it will help them build character.

My Thought: This from a man who ended his marriage because he wouldn’t give up his dream of being the winningest winner ever?

Sidenote: No Super Bowl for Brady this year, loser.

photo

Somewhere screenwriter Diablo Cody is enjoying a bit of karma after the news broke that Universal Pictures has scrapped the Madonna bio-pic that was to be directed by Madonna, co-written by Madonna and Diablo Cody, and starring approved-by-Madonna, Julia Warner.

My Thought: No one other than Madonna was interested in this being made.

photo

After Chris Brown showed his massive wardrobe on Instagram collection, calling his closet a department store with hundreds of items on display, he was slapped with two federal tax liens from the IRS for $2,245,561.50 and $1,059,967.78, and a bill from California for some $739,067.48 in back taxes. Brown has been ordered to pay the nearly $4M at once or both the feds and California will move in  to collect.

My Thought: Don’t show off your wealth all over social media if you aren’t paying your taxes.

photo

Where in the world is Cult of Scientology leader David Miscavige is missing, or in hiding, to avoid being served with a lawsuit ALLEGING that he was involved in child trafficking. The federal lawsuit, brought by a group of plaintiffs who were formerly in the Sea Org–a strict group within Scientology–claims Miscavige trafficked them as children, and their lawyers have been trying to serve Miscavige for over four-months, but he has been in hiding.

My Thought: I wonder if he's hiding in the same as his wife, Shelley Miscavige, who's been missing not seen in public for over fifteen years.

photo

If you’ve ever watched Bridgerton then you know the beauty that is Regé-Jean Page. But what you don’t know, is that science, er, British plastic surgeon Dr. Julian De Silva, claimed to have proof that Regé-Jean is the most handsome man on the planet ... those are his stats below.

My Thought: He’s kinda dreamy, sweet hot, but y’all know I have a closet full of Husbands In My Head who best Regé-Jean at every turn. What’s your take?

photo 1   photo2