I Ain't One To Gossip But ....

Apparently, actor Mark Webber was fired from an ABC pilot before it even aired, and he thinks it’s because the executives did not find him handsome enough.

Seriously? ABC, home of John Goodman and Tim Allen is suddenly the arbiter of handsome men on TV? Bitch, please. And yet the fact remains that when ABC’s Untitled Colbie Smulders pilot—formally Stumptown—was the network’s first new drama series picked up, Webber’s name was nowhere in the cast list. And so naturally, Mark Webber too to Twitter:

“Look, I’m a straight white male so I know my journey has been way less painful in this warped industry, but I’m being recast in a network television show because I’m not handsome enough for the executives. … I’m so curious how they’re going to frame this in their upfront announcement. What the spin will be? Probably none as I’ve already been deemed insignificant by them. The way I was treated was so degrading. These ‘executive’ decisions are why network tv is dying. The way this industry has contributed to women hating their bodies is just ONE of the many things I’ve abhorred for so long. I know a lot of us men generally stay silent with our challenges in this arena.”

Wait, so you hate network TV, and you think it's dying and you feel network TV is degrading, but you’re pissy because network TV kicked you to the curb? You need to settle, Mark; settle down. But he didn’t; instead he continued:

“I was raised by a single teenage mom. We were poor. We were homeless. We lived in the streets. She became a radical revolutionary leader. I give zero fucks what filthy rich executives at huge corporations think about me. Never have. Never will. I feel sad that by expressing my own bad experience with the show I was fired from, that it could interfere with the positive experience the actors & creatives that are still on the show should be having. I wish the writers, producers and cast nothing but love.”

And what do you wish for network TV executives who will see this childish woe-is-me rant and scratch your name off their list of prospective actors?

Get back to Starbucks quickly, Mark, your job may still be open.

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Even better at trying to make sure she doesn’t work again is one Constance Wu, from TV’s Fresh Off the Boat and the movie Crazy Rich Asians. Wu is none-too-happy about that her show was picked up for a new season because she was hoping it would die so she could embark on a glorious film career, but ABC put the kibosh on that when they renewed the show, forcing Wu—who makes 300K a year from TV—to also take to Twitter to rage about still having a TV job:

“So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F–k .” 

And when someone congratulated her on the renewal by saying it was “great news,” she replied:

“No, it’s not.”

Poor Constance; she’s got a job on TV making thousands of dollars a week and was in one of the biggest films of the year, but she wants us all to feel her pain at having to go back to TV. Luckily, perhaps in the nick of time, her publicist sat her down and told her she was inches away from destroying her career because now Wu is trying a different spin:

“That was not a rampage, it was just how I normally talk. I say f–k a lot. I love the word. Y’all are making a lot of assumptions about what I was saying. And no, it’s not what it’s about. No it’s not … what this is all about. Stop assuming. Todays tweets were on the heels of rough day&were ill timed w/the news of the show. Plz know, Im so grateful for FOTB renewal. I love the cast&crew. Im proud to be a part of it. For all the fans support, thank u & for all who support my casual use of the word f-ck-thank u too.” 

Nice try Constance, but … “So upset right now that I’m literally crying. Ugh. F–k” ... doesn’t sound like anything other than you being pissy at going back to star in a TV show making nearly half-a-million a year, rather than be an adult and see if you can work this out and still be allowed to work in film.

Maybe you and Mark will get hired to do PSAs for acne creams or suppositories.

At least until you both grow up.

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It used to be that Steve Harvey was everywhere you looked on television. Now? Not so much.

He’s been “let go” from two different jobs this week. First, it was announced that Steve would no longer be doing Little Big Shots because next season Melissa McCarthy will be the host.

Then came word that he’d been axed from his own talk show because they’re changing the name of it to The Kelly Clarkson Show and so Kelly Clarkson will be hosting that one.

Too bad he wasn’t quick enough to change his name to either Kelly McCarthy or Melissa Clarkson, cuz he might have kept both those gigs.

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Paris Hilton was on Watch What Happens Live! This week and is still trying to make herself relevant by reigniting her decades-old feud with Lindsay Lohan.

Paris had made it clear to interviewers that she never wants her name spoken in the same sentence as Lohan, and so Andy Cohen–being a big old drama queen–asked Paris to say three nice things about Lohan and she couldn’t come up with one, except to say:

“…She’s… beyond… lame and embarrassing.”

How funny that Paris Hilton is calling anyone embarrassing since the last time she was in the news was when she was going Full Lohan trying to get her engagement ring back from an ex-fiancé because she paid for it herself. Now that’s embarrassing.

Lindsay, of course, heard the news and had a source—possibly Dina after she’d soaked her head in a box of chardonnay—say that Lohan has not been in contact with Hilton in some time and doesn’t understand why the heiress continues to talk about her publicly. She feels Paris is a little obsessed with her and it’s becoming a thing.

An embarrassing thing.

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When we last left Constance Wu, she was trashing her TV show job because, after starring in one hit movie, as part of an ensemble, she thinks she’s a movie star. Trouble is she’s acting like a spoiled self-entitled movie star.

Apparently, Constance is a diva, and so much of a diva on the set of her new film Hustlers that she’s making her co-star, the diva of all divas, Jennifer Lopez, seem positively normal. In fact, a source from the set, and it’s either JLo or Cardi B, says:

“[Wu] is a pain in the fucking ass. She just won’t agree to do anything. She refuses to do interviews; she won’t have visitors on her sets. It’s like a cliché. She is very talented–but all signs are pointing to a difficult diva.”

And now, either though ABC President Karey Burke says the cast and crew of Fresh Off the Boat love Constance and have no plans to replace her, a source there claims Constance is the “most hated person on set.” They add that she’s rude to everybody, but mostly the crew.

In fact, they compare her to Katherine Heigl, and we all know how fabulous her career turned out to be; she’s on basic cable.

Now, I like a diva, especially one that makes JLo seem sweet and innocent, but Wu is about to Diva herself out of all jobs in Hollywood; well, unless she gets a job driving one of those buses that takes you by the movie star’s homes.

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When Ben Affleck announced he was no longer going to be Batman because the public shouted, “Please Ben! You’re not Batman! Stop!” we all thought big old hunk of beef, and My-Husband-In-My-Head, Armie Hammer was the new caped crusader.

Well, that’s not true, because it looks like Twilight star Robert Pattinson will mutter and pout his way into the cowl.

Seriously? That pale little waif of a man instead of Hammer? How’s he gonna get that gelled hair up in that mask?

Damn. I so wanted to be Missus Batman.

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It's Snarkurday!

So, Usher and herpes ... the story that keeps on giving like, well, Usher and herpes.

It all began with a lawsuit in 2012 that claimed Usher spread herpes to a partner by having unprotected sex with her without informing her of his status; that suit was settled for $1.1 million. Usher and his current wife say the claim was instigated by Usher’s first ex-wife, who used a friend to start the rumor ... except she has herpes and says Usher gave it to her ... and Usher has herpes. And now, three more people—two women, Jane Does, and a man, John Doe—are suing Usher for ALLEGEDLY doing the same thing to them.

Now, this is all interesting, but there is little to no talk of how John Doe contracted herpes; was it from sex with a former partner of Usher, or sex with Usher himself?

That’s the story I wanna hear ...

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I used to have such a crush on Tom Wopat from The Dukes of Hazzard; I never watched the show because ... stupid, but I did see him on talk shows and stuff and he seemed just delicious ... that's him down there, and that's him now, up top, less delicious. 

But, he’s also, ALLEGEDLY, a little handsy because he was just arrested for felony indecent assault, battery, and possession.

Wopat, starring in a production of 42nd Street in Massachusetts, ALLEGEDLY copped a feel of one of his female costars on the set during rehearsals. According to a police report, Wopat ALLEGEDLY walked behind the woman and put his hands on her ass; in fact, she says he grabbed her in such a way his fingers went between her butt cheeks. And when she reported him to heads of production, Wopat told them:

“Fuck them all.”

Huh; not the answer of an innocent man, and not the first time Wopat has been accused of assault. The police report contains another incident that ALLEGEDLY happened during rehearsals in which Tom grabbed another woman around the waist from behind and pulled her close to him, another time Tom ALLEGEDLY pulled sunburned skin off a woman’s arm.

Ick. Wopat was arrested after police tracked him down in his Ford Bronco; they also discovered a small baggie of coke and a small straw on him. He is set to plead not guilty to all charges, but ALLEGEDLY told police officers that he has “touched a woman’s hip” and is friendly and likes to flirt; he added that he never did anything not-right.

Fingers in the butt? That is the definition of “not right” when no one has asked for your fingers to go there. And peeling dead skin off a woman? Is she some kind of snake?

Ick.

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Continuing with the Ick Factor ... filming for Robert Pattinson’s new movie seemed a little icky ...and he’s done love scenes with that piece of driftwood known as Kristen Stewart.

This week, Pattinson was on Jimmy Kimmel Live to promote Good Time, and it doesn’t sound like it described the filming ... especially when the director tried to get him to, um, diddle a dog:"

"There’s a drug dealer who busts into the room and I was sleeping with the dog and basically giving the dog a hand job.”

So, wait, when a drug dealer comes after you, and you’re in bed, you should be prodding the pooch because ... ?

“I asked the trainer, ’cause the director was like, ‘Just do it for real, man! Don’t be a p—y!’ And then the dog’s owner was like, ‘Well, he’s a breeder, I mean, you can.’ He’s like, ‘You gotta massage the inside of his thighs.’”

Seriously I felt bad for Pattinson, but again I was reminded that he dated Kristen Stewart for a time, so maybe this wasn’t such a stretch?

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So, last week saw the fifth installment of that insta-craptastic Sharknado and there’s some juice there ... well, juice from 2015.

That year’s version—Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!—featured sharks attacking en masse by way of a cyclone and featured the character of the President of the United States; and when the film was in production it seemed as if one Donald J. _____ would play the part, until he waited so long to sign the dotted line that they gave the role to Mark Cuban and _____ pitched a hissy.

To be fair, the producers’ first choice was Sarah Palin, but negotiations with fell through—apparently she wanted to be paid in Twizzlers and Slurpees—and that’s when “Sharknado star” Ian Ziering suggested _____.

An offer went out and “The Donald said ‘Yes.’” A contract was drawn up and sent to a _____ lackey and then ... nothing. Until word came that _____ was thinking of running for the Real Fake President and it was decided this wouldn’t be a good idea and so the producers called Cuban and he showed up to work. And that’s when _____’s  lawyer instantly called and threatened to sue and shut down the production because their client is a big fat baby with a giant ego and wee hands.

Too bad, because I’m sure he would have been awful in the role—as awful as he is in the job in real life—and maybe we could’a dodged that bullet.

Damn you, Sharknado!

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On the Real Housewife front, New York “housewife” LuAnn De Lesseps—formerly Countess LuAnn—married one Tom D’Agostino eight months ago amidst rumors that he was cheating on her. Nothing could be further from the truth, LuAnn wailed; he’s my soul mare, she cried; we’ll be together forever, she wailed.

Well, their eight-month marriage is over. Big surprise, since their mini-marriage was chockfull of fights and shouting matches and one stomping off to the boudoir and the other stomping off to his mistress ... ALLEGEDLY.

A source—and you know it’s Ramona—says Tom grew tired of the “reality TV lifestyle” where he could cheat without cameras and LuAnn tired of not hanging around with her previous boyfriend, Jacques Azoulay, who may have dumped her because she cheated on him.

It’s all circular in the trash bin, people.

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Last week we talked British royalty and how the Queen loves to drink, but this week it’s all about petty Danish royalty.

In 1967, then-Princess Margarethe married Henrik de Laborde de Monpezat, a Frenchman, and in 1971, she became the queen of Denmark. As custom has it, Henry became her prince-consort and not the king. And that’s nothing new; Queen Elizabeth gave Prince Philip the title of HRH Duke of Edinburgh because he will never be king. Philip seemed fine with his title, but Prince Henrik has never been happy about his.

This week it was announced that Prince Henrik is so bitter and petty over not being called “king” that he has chosen not to be buried next to her when his time comes because he feels the title of “prince consort” is a lesser title and a form of gender discrimination:

“It makes me angry that I am subjected to discrimination. Denmark, which is otherwise known as an avid defender of gender equality, is apparently willing to consider husbands as worth less than their wives.”

Sheesh, after 45 years as a “prince consort” he’d be fine with the title, but I guess he wants the big crown or else his remains will lie next to anyone but his wife.

Seriously; first world problems. I say give him the title King of the Pissy Bitches and be done with it.

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Norman Lear is among the honorees of the upcoming Kennedy Center Honors, but he will not be attending the annual pre-ceremony reception at the White House because ... _____.

Lear says he won’t meet the president  because of the way his administration has treated the arts—including a call for eliminating the National Endowment for the Arts and its sister agency, the National Endowment for the Humanities:

“I think the arts are important for our humanity, and that includes this administration.”

While grateful for the recognition, Lear said he “just told them before they accepted my acceptance, ‘I will have to tell you how I feel’”:

“Feelings don’t go away, thoughts and opinions don’t vanish. I heard [about the honor] and they understood exactly how I felt.”

Good on Lear for taking that stand, though no word if fellow honorees Gloria Estefan, LL Cool J, Lionel Richie, and Carmen de Lavallade will follow suit.

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So the Will & Grace reboot; I’m all for it. And the fact that it isn’t a one-season deal; it’s already been renewed for a second rebooted season. But, it’s not all roses and gin ... one character will not be appearing in the new episodes ... Rosario!

Apparently, Shelley Morrison, who played Rosario, has retired from acting and wasn’t all that interested in making a return to W&G. Show creator Max Mutchnick says:

“We really wanted Shelley to be a part of this series, so we find ourselves having to figure that out moving forward. It was not an easy decision to make, but it’s one that she made.”

Well, come on now, maybe if you retitled the reboot, Will & Grace & Jack & Karen & Rosario she might have had a change of heart!

Better yet ... Rosarios & Others!

Just sayin’.

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Yesterday we learned the news that Tesla bigshot Elon Musk and the ex-missus Johnny Depp, Amber Heard are kaput after dating for just over a year. But it’s the way Elon confirmed the breakup that people talking; he did it the old-fashioned way, with an Instagram comment.

Heard posted a photo of herself sticking a fork into her red wig for her role as Mera in the upcoming “Aquaman” and comparing herself to Ariel in “The Little Mermaid.” Elon commented:

“Very cute.”

But then he went on ...

“Btw, just to clear up some of the press storm this weekend, although Amber and I did break up, we are still friends, remain close and love one another. Long distance relationships when both partners have intense work obligations are always difficult, but who knows what the future holds.”

Wow; this is how it’s done now? A billionaire couldn’t send a phalanx of minions to spread the word via press release?

Romance is dead ... I guess ... and Elon Musk killed it.

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It's Snarkurday!

Oh Robert Pattinson … go home, really.

It seems that RPatz, that Sparkly Vampire from the Twilight films, gave an interview to Elle France to push his new film BlahBlahBlah Who Cares — not the real title — and when they asked him what the worst thing people could say about him he replied:

“It’s going to make you laugh, but as a Brit, to hear someone say I’m American is the worst insult! I am English! Let it be known once and for all!”

Wow. That’s it? I could think of many more awful things to say about him, like …

“You dated Kristen Stewart?”

“You were in five Twilight films?”

“Like Water for Elephants?”

“Is that hair on your head or a dead cat?”

Seriously.

Speaking of stupid … Chris Brown.

He was supposed to perform at the Georgia Freight Depot nightclub were many of his fans—yeah, I’ll leave it at plural though I wonder … – but he refused to go on because, wait for it, there were gay guys at the event.

Oh, and it was an event scheduled and promoted as part of Atlanta Pride, so, um, yeah, back to speaking of stupid … Chris Brown.

Desperate for an Oscar — well, at least last year — Jennifer Aniston actually makes more money as a commercial spokesperson for things like Living Proof hair products, Aveeno and SmartWater. So, while she is in Atlanta, and presumably fine with the gay men there, filming Garry Marshall’s Mother’s Day it was revealed that she had brought so much SmartWater with her that she required a separate car just for her water.

Yes, Jennifer Aniston has a driver just for her drinks. I guess that while she knew Atlanta had a lot of gays she didn’t think they’d have any SmartWater?

Oh, but since she shills it, she gets it for free, so hence the need to have a SmartWater SmartCar and driver.

It’s week one of the nineteenth and last [?] season of The View and the first episode sparked controversy with the hosts already.

Candace Cameron Bure was announced this summer as the mew Biblical, conservative commentator of the show, but on the very first episode she wasn’t even introduced until the third segment of the show … or even listed in the opening credits.

Was it because the first hot Topic was jailed bigot and Kentucky clerk Kim Davis and producers didn’t want any fireworks right off the bat? Well, a show representative says:

“We had her on for ‘segment three’ because she’s not going to be on [regularly] for a couple of weeks. We want to build consistency to let viewers know who would be on for tomorrow.”

Uh huh, and it had nothing to do with the time this summer when Bure got in a heated debate over same-sex marriage with co-host Raven-Symoné until Raven effectively shut her down.

Yeah, so they might be keeping her muzzled for a bit.

Oh poor Joe Simpson. In the old days everyone knew he was Jessica Simpson’s dad, and the father of that other one, too, but since he left his wife because he really likes The Mens better, he’s been having a rough ride.

Like this past week when he pulled the Don’t You Know Who I Am card while trying to get into the rooftop pool at the Gansevoort Park Avenue with two male friends.

Joe, apparently dressed a little like Justin Bieber, with  one pant leg rolled up and multiple necklaces, and his “buddies” were denied entry by two security guards, and so Joe started begging, and then name-dropping.

“But I’m Jessica Simpson’s father!”

And then, oh yes he did, he took out his iPhone and began scrolling through his Instagram to prove he was Daddy Simpson!

He was eventually allowed in though he tells a different story:

“The guy at the door wanted me to wait for the head guy ... I said I just want to go have a drink. I told him Jess was my daughter. I showed him my passport.”

Uh huh, funny how Joe didn’t mention his two dates.

I guess that Friends reunion may never happen now … or if it does, they may have to cast Fred Savage in the David Schwimmer role.

See, like the Matt’s — Perry and LeBlanc — Schwimmer was also skipped from the invitations list for Jennifer Aniston’s wedding to My Future Husband, Justin Theroux, and he is not happy about it.

A source reveals that, while ding with Matt Leblanc in Beverly Hills — and the source cannot be Kim Richards since I think she’s been banned from The BH — Schwimmer  didn’t hold back on the topic of Aniston’s wedding.

Someone nearby overheard them talking about how they weren’t invited and said David was really angry. He was heard to say he couldn’t believe he’d been snubbed, because he was an important person in Jen’s life for 10 years and thought he’d be the first one invited. He then said he was going to plan a Friends reunion party, and Jen’s invite might just get lost in the mail!

Ow. Big time actress doesn’t get invited to has-been’s party? Ow.

Um, Schwimmer, to quote a line from Friends, maybe Jen thinks you two “were on a break!”

Beyoncé rarely gives interviews where she speaks because, well, either she thinks she’s too important to speak or she’s about as bright as a box of rocks.

Hmm, wonder which side I fall on with this issue. I kid, she’s probably dumb. I mean, she does lots of photo shoots for magazines and posts a lot of stuff to Instagram, but Beyoncé don’t talk, y’all.

But she is still appearing on magazine covers, like this week’s In Touch which is trotting out the d-i-v-o-r-c-e word again and that’s why she’s not talking. In Touch says Bey is tired of Jay’s cheating and tired of performing “Drunk in Love” with him, and in fact, they did not perform together at the Made In America concert last weekend, and they did not attend the VMAs this year.

So, she won’t talk so she won’t have to answer that question, and friends — okay, maybe not friends, but people with blogs … who you lookin’ at — say she’s already told friends and family that she’s moving forward with her life and will soon make a public announcement.

Uh huh. Look, she might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but she knows that Bey and Jay make far more coin than Bey alone.

Remember when Diddy was arrested for ALLEGEDLY assaulting the UCLA football coach who sent Diddy’s son home from practice for his habitual tardiness?

Well, Diddy didn’t like that so he headed to the school and tried to bitch out the coach, who refused to back down until Diddy threatened to hit him with a kettlebell, and now it appears that he will face no charges in the attempted assault even though it has been proven that it occurred.

Apparently Diddy will simply be asked to watch his temper and maybe take an anger management class.

Wow, it must be nice to have money so you can buy yourself out of an assault charge, especially when you’ve already been arrested once for felony aggravated assault and making terrorist threats.

Photo of the Week

I am not much of a fan of Robert Pattinson,. best known, and only known to me, as the Glittering Vampire in the Twilight series. But some people do have a thing for him, even, I imagine with his new haircut.

Here he looks like he needs a good shampoo and a brush ...

... then he turned around to give us this ...

... which only made me think of this: