I Didn't Say It

Liz Cheney, saying the Justice Department should not avoid prosecuting Thing 45 in relation to the Insurrection he started:

“I think it’s a much graver constitutional threat if a president can engage in these kinds of activities, and the majority of the president’s party looks away; or we as a country decide we’re not actually going to take our constitutional obligations seriously. I think that’s a much, a much more serious threat. I really believe we have to make these decisions, as difficult as it is, apart from politics. We really have to think about these from the perspective of: What does it mean for the country?”

That’s what’s called putting your country over your party, though too many in the GOP thinks it best to hitch their wagons to a racist rapist traitor because they’re scared on him.

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Laura Ingraham, the Eva Braun of Fox News, on the cause of that mass shooting in Illinois:

“Indications are that Robert Crimo was a regular pot user. Now, one look at him and to the untrained eye he looks like a complete psychotic, if you’ve ever seen anyone looking like him. What can regular pot use trigger in young men in particular? Psychosis and other violent personality changes. These are the eyes of some of the mass killers who have reportedly been regular pot users. Look at them. Those in politics and in the media who devote their time and energy to fear mongering on fake issues while covering up the truth about the growing scourge of violent psychosis in our young people, they have to be called out. They have to be defeated.”

I’m not a fan of pot, but from what I understand, it kinda makes you lazy and lethargic and hungry, not a person who has daddy cosign so he can buy a slew of assault weapons and climb onto a rooftop.

Again, Laura Ingraham is a pandering, fearmongering, asshat.

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Fred Upton, Michigan’s GOP Representative, on those cowards who stood with Thing 45:

“What disappoints me the most is that here we are a year and a half later [and] we’re now just getting other Republicans within the former administration to tell what they thought, what they saw happen. Where were they a year and a half ago when then of us voted our conscience and decided to cast the vote that we did? They should have helped us, in my view, back in January when we cast that vote. None of the ten of us regretted our vote that we cast. None of us would have changed our vote that we cast.”

Upton’s “ten of us” refers to the ten GOP House members who voted for Thing 45’s second impeachment. In April, Upton announced that he will not seek reelection.

Why not stay and fight for the GOP, Upton, rather than turn tail and run? Seems the party is made up of all kinds of cowards.

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Tucker Carlson, the Little Prince of TV dinners of Fox News, on the cause of that mass shooting in Illinois:

“So, why didn’t anyone raise an alarm? Well, maybe because he didn’t stand out. Maybe because there are a lot of young men in America who suddenly look and act a lot like this guy. And of course, they’re angry. They know that their lives will not be better than their parents.’ They’ll be worse. That’s all but guaranteed. They know that. They’re not that stupid. And yet the authorities in their lives—mostly women—never stop lecturing them about their so-called privilege. ‘You’re male, you’re privileged!’ “Imagine that. Try to imagine an unhealthier, unhappier life than that. So, a lot of young men in America are going nuts. Are you surprised?”

And that’s another reason we can let women have autonomy over the bodies and their healthcare choices, because they’re raising murderers.

It’s women!!!! It’s women!!!

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Geoff Duncan, Georgia’s Republican Lt. Governor, on getting death threats after speaking out about Thing 45:

“There was an interesting timeline that started to happen, a pattern is a better way to put it. So I would go on TV, I would speak the truth and within minutes [Thing 45] would send a tweet out that would say something derogatory or inflammatory. And within minutes after that, me or my wife would start to get threats which would show up on our phone. I mean bloodcurdling threats from the most awful sounding individuals. And deep meaning, that they know things about you and your family. They intentionally were trying scare us and intimidate us.”

This isn’t a president, or even a human being, it’s a child throwing a tantrum and rallying his little band of red hat wearing traitors and bullies to come after you.

Best way to end them? Never let Thing 45 near public office again.

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Greg Gutfeld, the tiny angry little man on Fox News, on the cause of that mass shooting in Illinois:

“Just look at people shooting for the sake of shooting. It’s always influenced by the previous attack. So if you thought that you could decrease these attacks by 30%, 40%, 50% why wouldn’t you do it? Why wouldn’t you do it? The media could do that. We could just report the facts, be one and done and leave, instead of giving just nonstop coverage. The media, remember, they can decide not to cover something. Hunter’s laptop: they were easy with that. Border chaos: they don’t cover that. The riots after George Floyd, mostly peaceful: they didn’t cover that. Look at the Akron shooting. They said that they covered the 60 shots from the police but not the fact that the guy shot first. So they know how to not cover things. So it’s time that we look at this stuff and decide enough is enough. If we, the press, can decrease these shootings by 30%, why the hell don’t we?”

Maybe you should suggest that to your bosses, Tiny, and take the first step. I mean, if these other quotes are any indication, your own network went on a rampage talking about the story endlessly. Clean your own house, little man, before coming for any others.

Oh, and if Americans stopped watching the liars and racists and loons and angry little men on Fox News, it will stop.

Let’s try that.

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Mitt Romney, GOP Senator from Utah, on Biden and this latest version of America:

“President Joe Biden is a genuinely good man, but he has yet been unable to break through our national malady of denial, deceit, and distrust. A return of [Thing 45] would feed the sickness, probably rendering it incurable. Congress is particularly disappointing: Our elected officials put a finger in the wind more frequently than they show backbone against it. Too often, Washington demonstrates the maxim that for evil to thrive only requires good men to do nothing. I hope for a president who can rise above the din to unite us behind the truth. Several contenders with experience and smarts stand in the wings; we intently watch to see if they also possess the requisite character and ability to bring the nation together in confronting our common reality. While we wait, leadership must come from fathers and mothers, teachers and nurses, priests and rabbis, businessmen and businesswomen, journalists and pundits.”

Nice to see Mitt taking the GOP goose-steppers to task, but howsabout a little more anger and disgust at their pandering? Howsabout campaigning with and for those candidates who will do better for America and leave Thing 45 to wither and die like a piece of rotten fruit in the Florida sun?

I mean, as long as Mitt doesn’t think he should run.

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I Didn't Say It ...

Chris Wallace, FOX News anchor and moderator of last week’s presidential debate, on those wearing masks in the hall:

“The interesting thing though, however, was, the Cleveland Clinic that set up the safety rules said everybody in the hall with the exception of the president, the vice president, and myself had to wear a mask. When Mrs. Biden, came in, when members of her party came in, they were all wearing masks. They kept them on throughout the debate. Mrs. [Melania] ______ came in wearing a mask but took it off once she sat down. I didn’t see when they came in, but all the other members of the first family that I saw there, including Ivanka, Tiffany, when they sat down, they weren’t wearing masks. I’m told by the pool of reporters who was there that somebody from the Cleveland Clinic came up to the first family—I believe this was before Mrs. ______ sat down—and offered the masks in case they didn’t have them, and they waved them away. And people in the hall did notice that while they were all wearing masks, including my wife and four of my children, that the first family did not wear masks during the debate. When it ended, Mrs. ______ came up to go on the stage. As I think everybody saw, she was not wearing a mask.”

Ignorance runs rampant in that family.

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Colin Jost, SNL Weekend Update host, on _____’s Tweets from the hospital where he ALLEGEDLY being treated for COVID-19:

“I will say, that despite everything ______ actually seems to be in good spirits. He tweeted a message that said, ‘LOVE!!!,’ and three exclamation points so it sounds they’re cutting his hydroxychloroquine with a little bit of molly. Just hours ago, Trump released a video from the hospital saying he’s in better health, which is great news. Though I will point out that if the situation were reversed, and it was Biden who got sick, ______ would 100 percent be at a maskless rally tonight getting huge laughs, doing impressions of Biden on a ventilator.”

And while Jost was making a joke, you know that _____ would be doing exactly that.

Sidenote: Colin really revs my engine.

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Greg Gutfeld, Fox News host , on ______ being hospitalized with the virus:

“The reason why he didn’t hide from the virus is he didn’t want America to hide from the virus. If he was going to ask America to get back to work, right? To get back to work and experience a risk, he was going to do the same thing. He was going to walk out there on that battlefield with you, and not sit somewhere in a basement and tell you how, you know, how you got to get back to work but not go out himself. So, I think he put himself on the line, and the flaw being that as an optimist, as somebody who’s trying to convey a message that we’re going to get through this, and things are going to be better, he had to walk that walk. He had to do that. He could have scared the crap out of everybody, but he refused, and it goes back to his original point about trying to make sure the positive attitude is maintained along with a sense of concern. So, he took the risk, he got the virus, but it’s because he was doing it for us.”

Seriously, the goose-stepping those pandering fucks at Fox do has reached a new low.

He lied about the virus for months while hundreds of thousands of Americans died, and six million got sick, and when he gets the virus it’s for us?

Fuck off, hack.

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_____, on Fox News, saying he will not do a virtual debate:

“That’s not acceptable to us. … I’m not gonna do a virtual debate. I’m not going to waste my time on a virtual debate. That’s not what debating’s about. You sit behind a computer and do a debate. It’s ridiculous. And then they cut you off whenever they want.”

So, he wants the freedom to lie and interrupt and cheat and when he can’t get it, he stays home? Good, because I’d hate to see him infect anyone else with COVID-19 …or his stupidity.

Or maybe he’s just chicken.

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Pete Buttigieg, on Fox News, asked about Kamala Harris’s position on Medicare but doing an about face to nail Pence for his hypocrisy:

“There’s a classic parlor game of trying to find a little bit of daylight between running mates. And if people want to play that game, we could look into why an evangelical Christian like Mike Pence wants to be on a ticket with a president caught with a porn star … or how he feels about the immigration policy he called unconstitutional before he decided to team up with Donald _____. If folks want to play that game we can do it all night but I think what most Americans want to hear about is are our families going to be better protected than they have been by this president who has failed to secure America in the face of one of the most dangerous things ever to happen our country.”

I love that Pete goes on Fox News and speaks truth to power …even if they don’t get it.

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Anne Heche, trying to revive her failing career by appearing on Dancing with the Stars[?], and talking about her life with Ellen and how terrible it was … for her:

“In 1997, I met Ellen DeGeneres at the Vanity Fair party and that was the night that changed my life forever. My movie premiere for Volcano, I had told them that I was taking Ellen as my date and I was told if I took Ellen I would lose my Fox contract. At that moment, she took my hand and said, 'Do what they say,' and I said, 'No thanks.' I took Ellen to the premiere and I was ushered out by security before the movie even ended and was told I was not allowed to go to my own after-party for fear they would get pictures of me with a woman… She was warning me, 'This is going to happen.' … the stigma attached to that relationship was so bad that I was fired from my multimillion-dollar picture deal and I did not work in a studio picture for 10 years.”

It wasn’t the stigma attached to that relationship, it was the stigma of being openly gay, which you were when you were with Ellen, and then weren’t when you were found in the dessert, incoherently mumbling about UFO’s and shiz, and when you weren’t when you married your husband had a baby, and cheated on him.

You are the maker of your own mistakes Anne, and it had nothing to do with Ellen and everything to do with you.

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Patti LuPone, Broadway legend and diva extraordinaire, Twitter slammed _____ for his balcony performance after leaving the hospital:

“I still have the lung power and I wore less makeup. This revival is closing November 3rd.”

Goddess I adore me some La LuPone! And I love Twitterers who have now taken to calling _____ “Covita’!

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I Didn't Say It ...

Prince William, on how he would feel if one of his three children came out as gay:

“Do you know what, I’ve been giving that some thought recently because a couple of other parents said that to me as well. I think, you really don’t start thinking about that until you are a parent, and I think—obviously absolutely fine by me. The one thing I’d be worried about is how they, particularly the roles my children fill, is how that is going to be interpreted and seen. So Catherine and I have been doing a lot of talking about it to make sure they were prepared. I think communication is so important with everything, in order to help understand it you’ve got to talk a lot about stuff and make sure how to support each other and how to go through the process. It worries me not because of them being gay, it worries me as to how everyone else will react and perceive it and then the pressure is then on them.”

I mean, we all know that if any, of William and Kate’s children were gay, they wouldn’t be the first, though they might be the first British royals to live out.

And that could be good, and I think their grandmother might have loved that.

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Bitch Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader, promising he would give a new Democratic president’s nominee to the Supreme Court a hearing and vote in 2021:

“A lot of it depends on the timing of the vacancy. Obviously if you have a vacancy in the first year of a term of a president, you’re not going to fail to fill that vacancy for a very lengthy period of time, no matter what the political composition is.”

I guess it’s clear then that he ignored Obama’s pick because it was a black man’s choice.

Oh, and if the Democrats flip the house, Bitch will be out on his flabby white ass.

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Greg Gutfeld, Fox News’ The Five host, on with transgender kids:

“There are young children, when they express gender confusion, the push among these same activists is to transition these confused children at a young age to the hetero sex, meaning if you have a young boy with feminine qualities you need to transition that person into a female so that person would then become straight. What you are effectively doing is you are eliminating gays because experts will tell you a young boy with feminine traits might just grow up to be a healthy gay man who lives a long life. Instead you are going to push him in a direction that requires decades of drugs, decades of therapy and possibly surgery and higher rates of depression and suicide.”

First off, you twat, not all feminine boys are transgender; nor are all tom boy girls destined to transition to male. You think gender is between your legs. But it’s not, asshat. And if you think helping someone transition to their true selves is a bad thing, think about living your entire life not feeling like yourself.

Imagine, Greg, if you had to live your life knowing that you were born a bigoted moron, but because of societal pressures, you were forced to live as a decent, accepting, understanding  human being. You’d surely turn to depressing thoughts, asshat.

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Jake Gyllenhaal, My Husband In My head, on playing Jack Twist in Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain:

“I think we had been cast for our ‘essences’ without really understanding what our ‘essences’ were—and that’s outside of our sexuality—we’re two straight guys cast in these roles, but who we are, who we were, Ang could see. And I don’t know if I could. So when the movie had the response that it had …. I don’t think we recognized what Ang had seen in us so we were blind at the profundity and the echo the movie made … and I don’t think we ever had any idea it would have the impact that it had. To make a movie that even just works is a miracle [but] when it resonates even beyond that, it’s impossible. And it has nothing to do with you in the end. Just being in Brokeback Mountain, that’s the feeling I have. I feel that deeply about it. It had nothing to do with me. It came to me, I was honored to be a part of it, and it is now everyone else’s in a way that I can’t even fathom.”

One of my favorite films with one of the saddest, most heartbreaking endings ever. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that last few minutes.

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Bobservations

The other night Carlos and I sat down to watch Madam Secretary. Although filmed, I’m sure, months ago, it was an episode directly aimed at _____, and featured three surprising guest stars: Hillary Clinton, Colin Powell, and Madeleine Albright, playing themselves.

But the funniest moment was when one of the characters was undergoing surgery and a doctor came out to tell her parents about it all; he was rather attractive and so I said:

“Hello Doctor!”

At the precise moment Carlos said:

“Hello Doctor Delgado!”

We looked at each and both said:

“What did you just say?”

Cuz Doctor Delgado was adorable. Carlos then pointed out that he had heard the doctor’s name while I didn’t not, so I replied:

“Who cares about his name! Wheel me into the operating room, Doctor!”

It was surprising since we rarely agree on a good looking man.

After casting her vote the way old white men told her, Maine’s GOP Senator Susan Collins slammed opponents’ efforts to fundraise against her vote to confirm Brett, calling them nothing more than blatant ploys to buy votes in a future election:

“They are asking me to perform an official act and if I do not do what they want, $2 million plus is going to go to my opponent. I think that if our politics has come to the point where people are trying to buy votes and buy positions, then we are in a very sad place. This is a classic quid-pro-quo as defined in our bribery laws.”

Um, actually, you pandering fuck, the people of Maine were telling the Senator who works for them how they wanted you to vote, but you ignored them and cast your lot with fans of sexual predators. And so, as is their right, your constituents will give that money, some $3.5 million to whomever runs against you in 2020.

That’s quite a war chest to start with.

Say Goodnight Susan, cuz you’ll be going home in 2020.

No doubt you’ve heard about the Banksy painting, “Girl With Balloon”, that sold at auction this week for $1.4 million dollars.

As soon as the deal was set, the painting shredded itself in a shredder built into the frame while onlookers gasped.

Banksy, whom no one has seen, is notorious for not loving his art being sold, and so this prank was perfect. Especially given that it appears he was in the room and set off the shredder with a remote control!

Even better? After the shredding the value of the painting allegedly doubled!

Last week Fox News … because, of course … host Greg Gutfeld actually compared the Democratic treatment of Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, who has been accused of sexual assault, to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

Yes, he did.

“Crucifixion was an important event because it was designed to establish a wall between justice and mob rule—Christ died so that the mob wouldn’t survive. What Democrats have tried to do is tear down the wall between justice and mob rule. They decided to crucify someone once again.”

Gutfeld claims to be a religious agnostic. I’m not sure about that, but I know he’s a pandering illiterate dumbass.

Last week, Melanie _____ played with orphaned elephants in Kenya.

Odd, that, since her stepson, Junior, plays with elephants with guns, and then takes pictures of himself holding a severed elephant tail in one hand and a knife in the other during a big game hunting trip in Africa.

Hypocrites, all.

PS What was this, some kind of Melanie fashion shoot? I mean, she donned more outfits than Cher during a farewell tour.

Hayward Duresseau contracted Meningitis eight months ago during a trip to San Francisco to visit his family; as a result, he lost his sight, his hearing, and was paralyzed from the waist down. During a three month stay in the hospital, he was able to regain his sight and mobility, but not his hearing.

Then, with the help of a cochlear implant, Hayward Duresseau was finally able to regain his hearing and the first words he heard those of his partner Kerry Kennedy proposing:

“I wanted the first thing that I said to him to be asking for his hand.”

Duresseau says he was shocked:

“I’m hearing all these click sounds ... and I can hear Kerry, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth — it’s this big spiel about what we’ve been through and he’s down on one knee.”

Love.Love.

The Big Baby in the White House hates protestors—at least the ones who protest him—and now wants to limit the right to demonstrate near the White House and on the National Mall.

I guess the protests disrupt the Fat Bastard’s nap?

The proposal would close 80 percent of the White House sidewalk, put limits on spontaneous demonstrations, and open the door to charging fees for protesting … I wonder who would get the money for that?

Seriously, we need to shut this Mushroom Dick—see what I did there—tator down.

So, there’s a TV show called God Friended Me, about an atheist who is getting friend suggestions from, um, God, and then realizes he needs to help them.

It really isn’t a show I gravitate too, you know, all touchy feely and happy ending and shiz, but … it does star the adorable Brandon Micheal Hall—yes, that’s the correct spelling—and the equally adorbs Suraj Sharma.

It’s kind of nice to see people of color represented on TV, especially the cute kind, but does this mean I’m getting soft in my older age?

F**k that! Just sayin’.

I Didn't Say It ...

Greg Gutfeld, Fox News Loon, offering a solution to school shootings:

“Society is changing. You have to teach kids how to respond. You have to be rational about it, which means hardening soft targets through drills and training. Learning combat. Learning hand-to-hand combat. This works, by the way, for terror, if there’s a terror attack, and it works for school shootings. How do you improve upon this rationally? Well, you train them. That simple. Self-defense classes are the best thing for a kid.”

Yes, let’s send all out kids to combat school rather than making it more difficult to buy an assault weapon, rather than thoroughly vetting those who want guns.

Ass.

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Jimmy Kimmel, after the shooting in Parkland, and after playing a clip of _____ saying “no parent should ever have to fear for their sons and daughters when they kiss them good-bye in the morning”:

“Here’s what you do to fix that. Tell your buddies in Congress—tell Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell and Marco Rubio, all the ‘family’ men who care so much about their communities—that what we need are laws. Real laws that do everything possible to keep assault rifles out of the hands of people who are going to shoot our kids. Go on TV and tell them to do that. Tell these Congressmen and lobbyists, who infest that swamp you said you were going to drain, force these allegedly Christian men and women who stuff their pockets with money from the NRA year after year after year to do something. And don’t you dare let anyone say it’s too soon. Children are being murdered. Do something. We still haven’t even talked about it. You still haven’t done anything about this. Nothing. You’ve literally done nothing. Actually you’ve done worse than nothing. You like to say this is a mental health issue, but one of your very first acts as president … was to actually roll back the regulations that were designed to keep firearms out of the hands of the mentally ill. You did that. Your party voted to repeal the mandates on coverage for mental health. So, I agree, this is a mental illness issue because if you don’t think we need to do something about it, you are obviously mentally ill. Whatever you do, do something because I, for one, am very, very, very, very tired of this.”

Let’s see, you roll back healthcare for mentally ill people, you take away stipulations that people with mental illnesses cannot get a gun, then a lunatic shoots up a school and you say the problem is mental illness?

Nope, you are the problem.

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Gus Kenworthy, on learning that his post-run kiss with his boyfriend at the Olympics, was going viral:

“[I] didn't realize this moment was being filmed yesterday but I'm so happy that it was. My childhood self would never have dreamed of seeing a gay kiss on TV at the Olympics but for the first time ever a kid watching at home CAN! Love is love is love.”

My adult self never thought I’d see that kiss.

Times do change.

Love is love.

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Todd Starnes, another Fox News Loon, on the surviving students of the Parkland school shooting being brainwashed by the “government-funded indoctrination camps” AKA public schools:

“The Mainstream Media is using survivors of the Florida school shooting as propaganda pawns to attack President Trump, the NRA and the Second Amendment. They are literally using children as human shields in their bloodthirsty attempt to take down the president … The media and the Democrats are coming after gun owners in America. This is right out of the Saul Alinsky propaganda playbook, ladies and gentlemen, and it is getting ugly. I’m not sure how many Republicans are going to be able to hold the line on this. We can't fault the children's ideology - they don't know any better. They've been brainwashed by government-funded indoctrination camps - pardon me - public schools.”

No, it’s called common sense, you dick; it’s called finally having enough, finally seeing one too many Americans killed because the right, and rightwingnut pasty-faced trolls like Starnes, think the NRA is their chance they get.

That time, I hope, is coming to an end, and Republicans will lose their jobs and people like Starnes might also.

Bye Felicia.

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Stephen Colbert, on the Parkland, Florida High School shooting, and Marco Rubio:

“As long as you’re being clear and honest, Senator [Rubio], as a lawmaker your position is ‘the laws are useless! Everyone into the Thunderdome!’ … Then why do we need you? It seems like a houseplant would do a better job and [playing the well-known thirsty Rubio clip from his State of the Union response] it would probably need a little less water. I hope these kids don’t give up, because this is their lives and their future. Someone else may be in power, but this country belongs to them. And there is reason for hope: Look at the #MeToo movement. A lot of men in power did not see that coming, but it proved that change can happen overnight. And this is an election year — so if you want to see change, you have to go to the polls and tell the people who will not protect you that their time is up.”

All these politicians muttering about “the kids” don’t realize that those kids will be voters soon, and they won’t forget.

It’s hard to forget seeing your friends massacred at school.

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Fergie, responding to the talk about her horrific—my ears are still bleeding—version of the Star-Spangled Banner at the NBA All-Star Game :

“I’ve always been honored and proud to perform the national anthem and last night I wanted to try something special for the NBA. I’m a risk taker artistically, but clearly this rendition didn’t strike the intended tone. I love this country and honestly tried my best.”

Honey, if that was your best …perhaps when you recorded your version, you should have listened to it, and then maybe you would have realized that it was more comedy and blood-curdling, than musical.

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John Oliver, on the shooting at, and the student of, Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School:

“These events are now so familiar, we basically automatically know how each side will play out: ‘thoughts and prayers,’ ‘f**k your thoughts and prayers,’ ‘it’s a mental health problem,’ ‘yeah, but it’s also a gun problem,’ and then someone says ‘now’s not the time to talk about gun control,’ and then everybody moves on until it inevitably happens again. But this time felt slightly different because when the ‘now’s not the time’ argument came out, the kids from that school said, ‘You know what? Yes it f**king is.’”

It’s long past time and thank goodness these ‘kids’ have taken up the battle because something just might get done this time.

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