Why Is It ...

… that when people ask me where was the last place I flew, I say ‘Off the handle and there’s another potential flight on the way.’

… that whenever people say to me, ‘You’re going places,’ my first thought is an asylum.

… that it makes me happy to see so many people embracing therapy; some of them could use an exorcism, but … baby steps.

… that we all need to know that the final stage of healing is telling people to fuck off.

… that people must learn that there are two ways of doing things: my way and my other way. 

… that one time, in the third grade, I zoned out and I don’t think I ever zoned back in.

… that when people tell me that I’m too quiet I say it’s because I rarely make sense when I talk.

… that the best part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.

… that when a friend says, ‘Oh no, that’s so mean, I can’t say that,’ I say, ‘Give me the phone.’

… that even though I bought new shoes with memory foam insoles I still cannot remember why I walked into the kitchen.

… that I keep forgetting that aging is a process; I was in bed last night for twenty minutes when I heard the pizza guy cough and realized I’d gone to my room to get my wallet.

Why Is It ...

… that my idea of time management is hoping that the tomorrow-me is more responsible than the today-me.

… that it’s just me and my ‘I forgot and I don’t remember’ against the world.

… that you need to learn that if you call me and start talking to people in the background, I will hang up.

… that I ignore subtle hints so that maybe you’ll speak up and be direct like an adult.

… that there are three places you can stay for free and they are: in your own lane, out of my business, and over there.

… that today I am choosing kindness but, you know, it’s still early.

… that people need to know that I’m not friendly, but I am cool so you can speak to me but don’t keep talking to me.

… that I like to make sure everybody is as confused as possible when it comes to me.

… that I know I am not the only one who whispers ‘fuck off’ to myself about certain people at least twenty times a day.

… that I am only just now realizing that my spirit animal is that bird that knocks itself unconscious flying into windows.

Why Is It ...

… that the two reasons why I don’t trust people is that [A] I don’t know them, and [B] that I know them.

… that I learn best from the mistakes made by people who took my advice.

… that no one gets that I have officially resigned from Adulthood™ and that from now on decisions will be made using the Eenie-meenie-minie-moe Method, arguments will be settled by sticking out my tongue, and that if you need me, I’ll be at recess.

… that just hearing my name can sometimes ruin someone's day and I’m kinda proud of that.

… that I used to think I didn’t like talkative people in the morning because it turns out  it doesn’t matter what time of day it is, I just don’t like dealing with people in general.

… that when I think that I’m the problem, I instantly also think, Never mind, that doesn’t even sound right.

… that they say I am too young to sign up for a nursing home when I am so ready for Bingo at 2PM, dinner at 4PM and bed at 7PM.

… that I’ve only just realized that the way to get someone’s attention is to not want it any more.

… that I can’t summon Alexa to knock the power out at work.

Meme Dump

Meme Dump

Meme Dump