Snarky Thoughts

A week ago we learned Kevin Costner was trying to get out of his Yellowstone contract, and then discovered that his wife, Christine Baumgartner, wanted out of their marriage contract and filed for divorce after eighteen years of marriage. Costner seems to suggest in a statement that he was blindsided by the announcement—sad when the wife doesn’t tell you she wants a divorce before she tells the lawyers, eh? Baumgartner has asked for joint custody of their three children but did not ask for spousal support.

My Thought: Maybe she left him because he’s trying to get out of a very successful TV show and she’s a big fan or likes the coins the show makes … or, as some say, he may have cheated with someone on the set resulting in the other woman getting pregnant.

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At the premiere of his newest film, About My Father, Robert De Niro announced that he’d become a father … again. The father of six welcomed his seventh child—name and gender unknown—at the age of seventy-nine and claimed the pregnancy was “planned.”

My Thought: De Niro “planned” to be one-hundred-years-old on his latest child’s 21st birthday, and planned on his latest child getting to know his, or her, oldest sister, who is fifty-one?

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Shakira‘s been having quite a few years after she found that her longtime boyfriend Gerard Piqué was dipping his peen into one Clara Chia Marti—which sounds like a cocktail—and then followed that mess up with the Spanish government saying she owed back taxes. But that might all change for the … cray-cray ... if we are to believe that Cult of $cientology poster boy Tom Cruise is interested in dating Shakira. 

My Thought: I think Co$ ALLEGEDLY checked Shakira's fan sites, clicked on her picture and then tapped Add To Cart so Tommy would no longer be single and insane. I mean, CO$ will buy Tommy whatever next ex-wife he wants just to keep him happy and in check.

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Suzanne Somers, who clearly needed a way to get her name back out there, is claiming that she was offered—and declined—one of the first co-hosting slots alongside Barbara Walters on “The View” back in 1997:

“I was originally asked to be on the original ‘View’ with Barbara Walters and whoever else, and I turned it down, and everyone said, ‘Why would you turn that down? It is a national show.' I said, ‘First of all, I have to live in New York. I don’t really wanna live in New York … but secondly, I don’t do well vying for time. And there, you gotta interrupt and butt in and butt out. It’s just not my personality.”

My Thought: Huh, she must be a psychic cause how could she know you’d have to “butt in” and “interrupt” people on a show that hadn’t even aired yet?

PS ABC is not commenting on the story and Barbara Walters died in December 2022.

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It’s been a year since Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello called off The Love Affair of the Century and yet neither one has had much success in love—Shawn tried and failed to convince his chiropractor and Mariah Carey—to be his new beard, and Camila added a single season run as a Voice judge. So, what do they do to reignite their failed and faked love lives and careers: they are spotted  making out at Coachella.

My Thought: This will last until one of them has a hit record.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Gosh I love dirt … and now a celebrity stylist by the name of Tamaran is giving me life, and possibly ruining her career, by dishing on who is the absolutely worst when it comes to diva behavior.

Tamaran, who worked as an assistant to several stylists from 2008 to 2017, unloaded about her former clients, like JLo:

“I knew this one for years. There’s a reason why she can’t hold down a costumer or a seamstress. In order to talk to J Lo you can’t look at her. In order to talk to her you have to talk to God.”

And Katherine Heigl: 

“If 2020 was a career, it would be Katherine Heigl. Friends of mine who have worked on set with her and photoshoots have told me that she is extremely difficult and always mad.”

On Jessica Alba: 

“If 2020 was an attitude it would be Jessica Alba…she’s not nice. She loves to rub hummus on her dress, play mind games with you, [and] she does this thing where she talks to you while not talking to you.

On Alexis Knapp: 

“There’s some celebrities who pay, some who take forever to pay, and some who just don’t pay because they think their name is enough … that was Alexis Knapp. [Her 2015 MTV Movie awards look] was one of the most difficult looks to put together. Whilst being fitted in this dress, Alexis decided it would be wonderful to eat a slice of chocolate ice cream cake. Part of the cake melted onto the dress, and guess who had to clean it? Oh, but it gets better … a designer lent Alexis $1,300 worth of jewelry … and let’s just say that she couldn’t ‘find it’. When my boss asked for payment, Alexis responded with, ‘I needed to pay you?’”

Tamaran wasn’t all negative; she said nice things about actor Jacob Elordi, George Clooney and Ariel Winter, and says Carrie Underwood is “the sweetest person on the planet” and Selena Gomez is, “one of the most professional human beings in the industry.” 

Now, I get JLo because she was almost nominated for an Oscar for playing herself in a movie so she has an ego as big as her ass; and I get Heigl because she thinks she’s a major star but she’s really a TV hack-tress looking for work, but that Alexis Knapp?

Who is she? JLo Jr.?

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Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello first became a thing last July and while many thought it was just a stunt that created in a PR firm basement to promote their single and take the heat off the rumors that Shawn is a big old homo, they proved everyone wrong by fulfilling their long-term relationship contract.

And now they are, ahem, “on a break.”

Sources say 22-year-old Shawn and 23-year-old Camila are taking some time apart to focus on their respective music careers even though it was their music careers that brought them together in the first place.

Huh? What? Rumor has it that, after quarantining in in Camila’s Miami home, the two would head back to Shawn’s place in LA, until Camila said, “Uh, naaaa.” But maybe their love will return because their respective representatives say, as a way of proof, that neither has erased the other from their social media accounts.

True love, or just the idea that relationships created for social media never really die …they just face away.

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A funny, makes perfect sense, totally insane, Tom Cruise story about running.

Cruise spends a lot of time in his films running, and now actress Annabelle Wallis, who co-starred with Tom in 2017’s reboot-bomb of The Mummy, is following in the footsteps of Thandie Newton and Rob Lowe and spilling the tea on Cruise Crazy by revealing that no one … no one … is allowed to run in the same shot as Tom Cruise until she let him watch her run. Wallis explains:

“I got to run on-screen with him, but he told me no at first. He said, ‘Nobody runs on-screen [with me],’ and I said, ‘But I’m a really good runner.’ So, I would time my treadmill so that he’d walk in and see me run. And then he added all these running scenes. So, that was it. It was, like, better than an Oscar. I was so happy! I was so happy that I got to run on-screen with Tom Cruise.”

Perhaps it’s because Tom equates women running from him than with him.

Amirite Katie? Amirite Nicole?

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He says he didn’t go under the knife!

Bitch.Please! On the left is a still photo of 51-year-old Todd Chrisley, the not-the-least-bit-gay daddy on reality hot mess, Chrisley Knows Best from last March, while on the right is a picture that Todd Chrisley posted on Instagram a few days ago.

Looks like his Throw-Back-Thursday went back about 30 years. But Todd Chrisley swears, and stomps his feet and hisses, and swears again that his new look is not the work of Melanie and Ivanka’s doctor, but that it’s just a little Botox and … wait for it, it’s the height of delusional …the work of God.

Again … Bitch.Please!

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Juicy … it looks as if Lori “Big House Aunt Becky” Loughlin and her husband, Mossimo Giannulli, also dragged their “social media” star daughter, Olivia Jade, into their college scam scheme.

While Lori and Mossimo finally pleaded guilty to their role in the College Admissions Scandal, by admitting to paying $500,00 to scam artist Rick Singer, to get their daughters, Olivia Jade and Isabella Rose, into USC by faking some rowing credentials, the prosecutors just  released a memo to the judge in which they explain Lori and Mossimo told Olivia to keep a low-profile around her suspicious high school counselor. It doesn’t help that those pictures of Olivia on the rowing machine, which I’m sure she thought was some kind of Pilates apparatus, are more evidence that she was probably in on it.

According to the prosecution, Olivia asked her parents if she should tell her high school guidance counselor that USC was her first pick of universities, and Lori and Mossimo ALLEGEDLY told her to keep it on the down low. Lori said:

“Yes… But it might be a flag for the weasel to meddle. Don’t say too much to that man.”

Mossimo then called the counselor a “nosey bastard.” 

These new revelations could hurt the deal Lori and Mossimo made. As part of Mossimo’s plea deal, he’ll serve five months in prison, pay a $250,000 fine, and do 250 hours of community service. Lori will do two months in prison, 100 hours of community service, and a $150,000 fine. They both will, have two years of probation after they get out of the Fuller Big House but …

The judge could take this new information in hand and change their sentences and fines and probation, and maybe even send Olivia to jail, too.

Sorry, not sorry. I’d like to see this whole entitled, self-involved cheating lying scheming scamming family in adjoining cells.

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I Didn't Say It ....

Sarah Huckabee Sanders,  White House Press Liar, on  how she’d like to be remembered:

“I hope that it will be that I showed up every day and I did the very best job that I could to put forward the president’s message [and did] the best job that I could to answer questions. To be transparent and honest throughout that process and do everything I could to make America a little better that day than it was the day before.”

First off, you wanna be remembered for “showing up”? Big goals, girl.

Secondly, go away first and then see how you’re remembered.

Thirdly, that whole honest and transparent thing? Bitch.Please.

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John Brennan, former CIA Director, on _____’s saying allegations of campaign finance violations were just a “private transaction”:

“Whenever you send out such inane tweets, I take great solace in knowing that you realize how much trouble you are in & how impossible it will be for you to escape American justice. Mostly, I am relieved that you will never have the opportunity to run for public office again.”

Preach!

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Barbara Bollier, Kansas GOP state Senator, announced she is now a Democrat due to the anti-transgender language in the Republican Party platform:

“Morally, the party is not going where my compass resides. I’m looking forward to being in a party that represents the ideals that I do, including Medicaid expansion and funding our K-12 schools.” 

Bollier had been publicly at odds with GOP leadership in recent months because of her support of Democrats Tom Niermann and Laura Kelly in the Kansas 3rd Congressional District and gubernatorial elections, and so the Republicans in the state house stripped her of her committee assignments.

Cuz they’re hate-filled bitches, you know.

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Rex Tillerson, former Secretary of State, on _____:

“What was challenging for me coming from the disciplined, highly process-oriented Exxon Mobil corporation to go to work for a man who is pretty undisciplined, doesn’t like to read, doesn’t read briefing reports, doesn’t like to get into the details of a lot of things, but rather just kind of says, ‘This is what I believe.’ So often, the president would say, ‘Here’s what I want to do, and here’s how I want to do it’ and I would have to say to him, ‘Mr. President, I understand what you want to do, but you can’t do it that way. It violates the law.”

I’d have a bit more respect for Tillerson if he’d spoken up sooner.

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_____, Tweeting his innocence in the Russia probe … again:

“Democrats can’t find a Smocking [sic] Gun tying the _____ campaign to Russia after James Comey’s testimony. No Smocking [sic] Gun…No Collusion …That’s because there was NO COLLUSION. So now the Dems go to a simple private transaction, wrongly call it a campaign contribution,…….which it was not (but even if it was, it is only a CIVIL CASE, like Obama’s – but it was done correctly by a lawyer and there would not even be a fine. Lawyer’s liability if he made a mistake, not me). Cohen just trying to get his sentence reduced. WITCH HUNT!”

God, desperation is an ugly thing, especially on a bloated orange blob who can’t effing spell.

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Donny Deutsch, mocking, or is it smocking, _____’s “pathetic” tweeting on Morning Joe:

“He’s probably watching now as he’s eating his Count Chocula. He knows a ‘smocking’ gun is pointed at him. These tweets will become more and more imbecilic, they’re going to make less and less sense. He’ll talk to his 30 percent, 35 percent — ‘take to the streets they are trying to get rid of your president.’ That’s all that’s left for him. You’re going to see unhinged like we’ve never seen before. He feels it, you can see he feels it — it’s pathetic.”

That’s the _____ presidency in a word: pathetic.

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Kathy Griffin, keeping that whole ‘woe is me’ thing alive:

“Yes, I took a photo that changed my life irrevocably. That was one thing. Because the walls caved in on me, and the accidental president – it’s an accident– he tweeted at me that, you know, my– he tweeted against me, which made everything cancel in my life, basically. I was in the middle of a 50-city tour, and within 12 hours I had not one single day of work ahead of me. And, by the way, to this day, I do not have one single day of paid work ahead of me. So I’ve been digging myself out of this rabbit hole for last year and a half. And the next day I got a call from one of my attorneys that the Department of Justice – and a lot of people don’t know this part – were putting me under a two-month federal investigation and considering charging me with the crime of – this is real – conspiracy to assassinate the president of the United States. So a lot of people thought you know I got a call from the Secret Service or got in fake Hollywood trouble. But, no, this is real-life trouble…I was on the no-fly list for two months. So then they wanted me to go downtown to the police precinct and they wanted get video of what’s called the perp walk. And this was coming – I’m assuming – directly from the Oval Office and Jeff Sessions. That’s where your tax dollars went, everybody, investigating Kathy Griffin. Mr. Cooper said I was disgusting, and I lost about 75% of my friends that never came back. And it was hard.”

I used to lime Griffin. I think she’s smart. But I don’t think she knew the picture would have the effect it did, but when it did, she whipped out the victim card.

And has been running with it ever since.

Siddown.

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Camila Cabello, singer, on rumors she would play Maria in Steven Spielberg’s upcoming West Side Story reboot: 

“I don’t think so… I know exactly who I am, and I know what I want to do. I’m just not ready to give up that voice for something else right now.”

Bitch, please; you expect anyone to believe that Steven Spielberg asked you to star in one of his films, and you were all, ‘I think I have something better to do.’

Take a seat; the clock is ticking down on your fifteen minutes.

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