It's Snarkurday!

I remember years ago, when she was appearing on American Idol, there was the thought that maybe Paula Abdul was a little tipsy.

And maybe she still is, because last week, while performing the second date on her Straight Up 2018 tour, Abdul fell off the stage right in the middle of lip-syncing one of her, um, hits.

It all happened when Paula was dancing, er, walking, across a stage covered in billowing silk scarves. But that isn’t what tripped her up—see what I did there?—it was the fact that she just kept walking, off the edge and into the crowd.

This tour doesn’t look good for Abdul. The first show was cancelled due to what she claimed were production issues with the venue. It seems Abdul claimed the venue wasn’t big enough to hold some of her stage props, but shouldn’t that have been taken care of before, oh, I dunno, booking the venue?

Still, a bigger venue would have meant a larger stage and maybe Paula would have been able to stay Straight Up.

And see what I did there?

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Queen Latifah has been quite shy about her personal life, especially when it comes to the fact that she’s a lesbian. She has never acknowledged it, even though she’s been in a long-term relationship with former LA Lakers cheerleader Eboni Michaels. And even though there are all kinds of photos of Latifah and her, ahem, gal pal, getting cozy on a yacht a few years back. But how is she gonna spin this story, if she even deems to discuss it?

It appears that Eboni is with child and it is rumored that Latifah and Eboni might be headed to the altar as well.

Will she ever talk about it? I dunno, but it pisses me off because it continues the stigma that there is some shame involved.

Open your mouth, Queen, it’s fine out here.

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Megyn Kelly will do and or say anything to get people to watch her show, but she may have gone too far this past week when she said she saw nothing wrong with white people donning blackface for Halloween.

Kelly says she remembers a simpler time when white people could adopt another race because it was fun; kind of like that simpler time when white people owned black people?

To make matters worse she had a roundtable discussion of blackface with, wait for it, it’s totally Fox News-ish, four white people. She didn’t even think to get the opinion of a black person?

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Well, she did when the Today Show let Al Roker and Craig Melvin have a go at Kelly, whom many have now dubbed #BlackfaceBecky. The following day, during the first hour of Today, Melvin and Roker took Kelly to task for being tone deaf and, well, dumb.

Al said: “The fact is, while she apologized to the staff, she owes a bigger apology to folks of color round the country. This is a history going back to the 1830s minstrel shows to demean and denigrate a race. It wasn’t right. I’m old enough to know have lived through Amos ‘n’ Andy, where you had white people in blackface playing two black characters, just magnifying the worst stereotypes about black men—and that’s what the problem is. That’s what the issue is.”

Melvin said: “There was some criticism yesterday online that this was political correctness run amok. That’s silly. It’s disingenuous and it’s just as ignorant and racist as the statement itself. In addition to her being a colleague, she’s a friend. She said something stupid. she said something indefensible. A lot of folks don’t realize that Jim Crow is shorthand for the racist laws that have existed in this country for much of the last century, especially in the deep south; they termed Jim Crow from a minstrel show in the 1830s. I guess it was an opportunity for us to learn a little bit more about black face—but I think a lot of people knew about black face.”

And so, in order to keep her face, and racist asshattery in the news to drum up viewers, Kelly faux-pologized: “One of the wonderful things about my job is that I get the chance to express and hear a lot of opinions. Today is one of those days where listening carefully to other points of view, including from friends and colleagues, is leading me to rethink my own views. When we had the roundtable discussion … about the controversy of making your face look like a different race as part of a Halloween costume, I suggested that this seemed okay if done as part of this holiday where people have the chance to make themselves look like others. The iconic Diana Ross came up as an example. To me, I thought, why would it be controversial for someone dressing up as Diana Ross to make herself look like this amazing woman as a way of honoring and respecting her?”

Faux-pology; Kelly should have said “I was wrong. I’m sorry.” And then shut her cake-hole. Instead she rambled and then ended with telling the NBC News staff that she is “honored to work with all of you every day.”

Especially the black ones?

Still, it did speak volumes that NBC let two of their on-air talent take another, ahem, “talent,” to task for being tone-dead and brain-dead. But, Megyn probably scored a few more viewers for her show so she’s no doubt happy.

UPDATE: Megyn Kelly is out at NBC News, but she’ll be taking her full $69 million paycheck with her unless network bosses can prove she somehow violated her contract.

Oh NBC, between Lauer and Kelly you spend more money on firing asshats than you do hiring them.            

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This kills me … That Woman is ALLEGEDLY bought Sheila Kolker, a close friend, a facelift.

Wow. Can you imagine that gift exchange? Kolker probably unwrapped the souls of dead babies for That Woman, and then That Woman says …

“You could use a nip and tuck.”

Everyone needs a friend like that. But, to be clear, Kim and Khloe and Kourtney and Kendall and Kylie’s Koven mother didn’t give the gift out of a sense of love, she gave it so it could be filmed as part of Keeping Up With The Kardastrophes. It’s all, and only, about ratings and ego.

And some kind of Devil worship, too, I imagine.

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Lastly … as the TV season began,  the folks behind Modern Family said a “significant character” was going to die this season, which may, or may not, be the last for the series.

My money was on Manny, because he was cute as a kid, but as an adult …no so much. But it wasn’t Manny …and it wasn’t so shocking and it wasn’t a really significant character.

It was DeDe, played by Shelley Long, Mitchell and Claire’s mother, and Jay’s ex-wife. And she died off-screen before the episode even started.

Seriously? Calling Lon’s character “significant” is a bigger stretch than get Starr Jones into an evening gown. Long appeared in seven of the show’s more than 200 episodes.

The dog has had more screen time.

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I Ain't One to Gossip, But......

I smell desperation, and it smells an awful lot like Jennifer Love Hewitt.
See, the serial dater has discovered a new way to meet men. She scoops up rejects from The Bachelorette. Yes, indeedy; leftovers form a reality show.

It seems that at the exact moment that someone named Ben Flajnik got unrosed from The Bachelorette, one Jennifer Love Hewitt took to Twitter, to twat how she's been single since her last boyfriend dumped her and she'd love a reality show reject to come a'callin'.
She actually Tweeted: “OMG! Ben F [accept] my final rose!!! Gotta book a flight to Sonoma!!!”
And then she did.
Hewitt flew to Northern California on August 6 for a date with the 28-year-old winemaker and reality TV hasbeen. An eyewitness--and by eyewitness i mean Jennifer Love Hewitt because no one cares about Jennifer Love Hewitt but Jennifer Love Hewitt--says, “Ben from The Bachelorette is making out with Jennifer Love Hewitt. Oh yeah, Ben and Jennifer Love Hewitt appeared to be dating. All in all, Ben seemed to be perfectly content as the second-place loser on The Bachelorette.”
And then to lose again by hooking up with Hewitt.
Wow. Desperation thy name is Hewitt.
Next up, rejects from the Jersey Shore.
But then, if you don't have a career, you have all the time in the world to whore yourself out.

Wow, Kanye West knows no limits to his offensiveness, and how to market himself via his offenses,

We all remember how he milked his I Hate W period, and then rode his Taylor Swift rant for about a year. But then he kept quiet. Was he growing up? Was he deciding to let his, um, music, for lack of a better word, speak for itself?
No, is the short answer.
Onstage, at the Big Chill Festival at Eastnor castle in England he actually compared himself to Adolf Hitler, and Michael Jordan.
He's the Air Fuhrer.
See, it was while he was performing, that he began to lament the fact that he is oh so popular and well-loved and well-known, and all the hardships he endures from his massive fame, by saying, “I walk through the hotel and I walk down the street, and people look at me like I’m f**king insane … like I’m Hitler. One day the light will shine through and one day people will understand everything I ever did.”
But then he switched it up, and said he was a lot like Mike: “Michael Jordan changed so much in basketball, he took his power to make a difference. It’s so much f**king going on in music right now and somebody has to make a f**king difference.”
Kanye West.
Michael Jordan. And Hitler.
Jumping the shark.

It seems that no one likes Lindsay, except bartenders, drug dealers and lawyers.
Lohan was spotted leaving a Coldplay concert last week, looking especially, um, exhausted, I guess is the word, and folks are saying she was also quite upset that she tried to get backstage and was deee-nied.

Rumor has it that Coldplay--Chris Martin, Jonny Buckland, Guy Berryman, Will Champion--and their tour team, know how to handle people like Lohan, and apparently told the serial-rehabbing-criminal where she could go when she asked--and i think she begged, getting down on her knees, you know, to,.....--for the Triple A pass at the UCLA Tennis Centre.
A source--and by source, I mean the guy who holds Lohan's meds, and is the getaway driver on her jewel heists-- says, “When Lindsay was told she wasn’t allowed backstage because her pass didn’t allow it, she threw a complete wobbler. She protested to the people running the guest list, hoping they’d change their minds but it was still a firm ‘no’. She got even more angry when she found out fellow actress Kate Bosworth was there mingling with Gwyneth Paltrow and the band. In the end she got so fed up, she stormed out.”
Oh Lindsay, starring in Herbie doesn't get you backstage to breathe the same air as Paltrow. And neither do arrests and rehabs and criminal activity.

So, what should Lindsay do?
Well, some say she drove down to Venice beach to score a baggie full of white powder.
Look at the video...HERE....I'll wait.

See? Doesn't Lohan look all jittery and nervous? And that is a sandwich bag with white stuff, right?
She’s trying to pretend like she doesn’t need to buy.  She used to have people that did that for her.
But, truth be told, Lindsay and her people, went into overdrive to downplay the incident. Her publicist, Steve Honig, immediately denied the existence of baggie, or, if there was a baggie, it contained just some sea jasper, a meteor, rose quartz and quartz. Honig blamed the paparazzi, saying, they "[k]nowingly and consciously making inferences about Lindsay that are completely untrue, and creating a fictitious story to get more people to visit their site. We were not given a chance to comment on this story before it went up, and no effort was made to gather the facts about what actually occurred. When I addressed this with the agency, they told me ‘we’re not the New York Times.’ They have made a horrific mistake; the worst part is, they know it but don’t care.”
Seriously. Sea jasper, a meteor, rose quartz and quartz.
And a little ground up Xanax and Vicodin, with a sprinkle of cocaine?
But still, is Lindsay so stupid--and that's a rhetorical part of the question--that she would sit in a storefront and buy drugs right off the street?
Don't answer that.

I love starts and their demands.
Jennifer Lopez and her all-white rooms.
Van Halen and the No Brown M&M's.

But, back to JLo for a minute. It seems that Lopez was scheduled to appear at this year’s Billboard Music Awards when she heard that Beyonce was getting an award. Well, the JLo peeps went into overdrive, asking that JLo get an award, too. When they refused, Jennifer pulled out of her appearance.

The other Jennifer, Aniston, that is,  requests specific cheeses when she’s traveling--but no goat or blue cheese. EVER!!
But the Queen of Crazy Demands has to be wack-a-doo Paula Abdul.
Among the 49-year-old, former dancer, former lipsyncer, former Idol judge, current X Factor judge’s requests are that each one of her assistants must carry and use a tape recorder at all times “because she doesn’t trust her own conversations.”
Well, c'mon, if you were Paula Abdul, would you trust a word that comes out of your mouth?
Paula also makes them DVR and TiVo search her name and record every appearance.
She also asks that her assistants go through her email, and respond to family and friends as the star herself.
I'm not Paula Abdul, but I play her for her friends and family and collect a paycheck to boot!

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

Well, at least we now know they're really good actors.
All sorts of stories breaking that young and hip first-time Oscar hosts, Anne Hathaway and James Franco grew to hate one another as the show drew closer.

A source--and by source, I mean the guy that taped Hathaway's lips into a permanent smile and kept Franco in Fritos--says Anne was ready to cut a bitch, a certain stoner bitch, because of his lackadaisical performance on the show.
Franco, who, for the most part, seemed keen on just grinning like a fool while onstage, even skipped his own after party, at LA's The Writer's Room, and flew back to New York because he was so pissed off at perky, The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow, Annie.
Now, Franco's rep says the whole thing is a lie, and, miraculously enough, Anne's rep said the same thing.
But if you watched the show, you saw Anne doing all the smiling and laughing and joking, the singing and the dancing, while Franco seemed to be in search of his next bong hit.
Had the academy bothered to ask me, I'd have told them to keep away from the Cheerleader and The Stoner as hosts.
Just sayin'.

Boy, Mike Huckabee has had a busy week.
First, he implied that the president is from Kenya, and that he grew up in Kenya, which we all know--unless you're a Teabagger with one tooth and one brain cell--isn't true.

Then Huckleberry Hound intimated that the president is a Muslim, again pandering to his base of toothless and brain-dead Teabaggers.
But now he's gone too far.
Too.Far. I tell ya!
This week presidential wannabe--and that will never happen--Mike Huckabee criticized Oscar-wining actress Natalie Portman for glorifying and glamorizing out-of-wedlock pregnancy.
Y'all remember how Natalie said during her Oscar acceptance speech: "Do it girls, fuck a guy and get knocked up but don't get married. It's fun!"
Oh, wait, that didn't happen, But it didn't stop Huckleberry Hounddog Face from going on 'The Michael Medved Show' the after Portman won the Oscar, and criticize her because she's expecting her first child with fiancé Benjamin Millepied.
Huckabee said: "People see a Natalie Portman who boasts, 'We're not married but we're having these children and they're doing just fine.' I think it gives a distorted image. It's unfortunate that we glorify and glamorize the idea of out-of-wedlock children."
Hmm, I didn't see glory and glamorization, I saw a woman in love, and glowing.
But then Huckleberry goes on to call Portman's pregnancy "troubling," saying that many single parents do not have the resources that the 29-year-old actress possessed and would not be able to afford help to look after the baby.
Um, okay Mike, you dingbat, um, where was all your holier-than-thou crap after Bristol Palin got knocked up and was trotted out on the campaign trail by her media whoring mother?
Oh, I forgot, it's perfectly fine when the GOP gets pregnant without benefit of marriage, or cheats on their wives, or gets drunk and rives, but not anybody else.
Go back to your hovel in the mountains Huckleberry. You are too out of touch to be president of anything more than the Backwoods Illiterates Club.
Just sayin'.

Lindsay Lohan has stopped getting high and stealing things that don't belong to her long enough to give an interview!
Can I get a Hallelujah up in here!

And apparently, when compared to Charlie Sheen, she comes off as lucid and normal.
Well, that's not such a stretch. The old lady who lives in the sewer drain on Broad Street in downtown Smallvile, and speaks in tongues, sounds more lucid than Charlie.
Anyway, speaking to Extra, Lindsay seemed clear-headed when talking about her career as an international drug addict and jewel thief, I mean, being a wacktress, i mean being an actress.
Lohan: "I feel great. As long as I'm focusing on the one thing that I know I need to put forth in my life, which is you know, my recovery and stuff. Then I'm doing good and that's most important for me."
The one thing she knows? How to get an array of doctors to provide her with prescription drugs so she can stop shopping in South Central? Or that one thing about how to distract a salesgirl while she slips some jewels into her bag?
Oh. Acting. I'd forgotten she was an actress.
Lohan says she also knows that it will take time to regain the trust of the film industry after her latest run-in with cops and lawyers and judges, oh my. And, it may take even longer to be trusted again, as she is in very serious danger of going to jail on felony charges from stealing that necklace.
She has until March 10 to decide if she wants to take a plea deal--which will include jail time--or go to trial--and risk being sent to jail.
Lohan: "There's gonna be a lot of steps [sidenote: I'm thinking at least Twelve Steps] that I have to go through to kind of prove myself again and get the trust from the people that I respect to work with. But I'm to do what I have to do to get there, because that's my passion."
I hope so Lindsay, because for the past few years your passion has been drugs, drink driving, arrest, rehab, arrest,jail, rehab, drunk driving, arrest, rehab, jewel theft, arrest.
Just sayin'.

I fear for Christina.
I'm hoping that she isn't on the rod to a Britney Meltdown,
I mean, there was the Star Mangled Banner mishap at the Superbowl; then she had the fall at the Grammys after opening the show. And now this.

Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matt Rutler were arrested this week in West Hollywood. Christina was booked on a misdemeanor charge for public intoxication, while Rutler also faces a misdemeanor charge for driving under the influence.
Reports have been swirling that Christina has been the hard party girl of the moment, and now it seems to be catching up to her.
i mean, I hope she doesn't attack a car with an umbrella and then shave off all her hair. I'm hoping she doesn't open the VMAs this year, singing from a comatose state. I'm hoping she gets better and gets back to singing.
Sidenote: Remember when  all those girl singers appeared on the scene at the same time? Britney, Christina, and Pink? Didn't you always think it'd be Pink who would be the one in trouble? Who knew Pink would turn out to be the Good Girl?
Just syainm'.

I'm guessing that, in the Cruise household, there is a list on the refrigerator of amounts to sue for when the tabloids write something unkind.
I'm thinking the list goes something like this:
Rumors of Tommy being a ginormous flaming queen....sue for $100 million.

Rumors of Katie being a ginormous drug addict....sue for $50 million.
Apparently, being a drug addict is more acceptable than being a giant 'mo.
Katie Holmes has filed a libel lawsuit seeking $50 million in damages from Star magazine after the weekly published a cover story that insinuated she is a drug addict.
Katie Holmes said, after getting permission from Tommy Grrrl to speak: "Of all the fabricated stories that continue to be published about me, this instance is beyond the pale. The publisher knew this outrageous story was false and printed it anyway to sell magazines."
The cover photo shows Holmes looking tired and upset--probably because she had to feed, bathe and clothe Suri and Tommy on the same day--with the tagline: "Addiction Nightmare: Katie Drug Shocker! The real reason she can't leave Tom."
Inside the issue, however, the article doesn't say that Katie is a drug addict, but focuses on her usage of something called an "e-meter" during Scientology sessions; e-meters, flown in directly from Xenu HQ, ALLEGEDLY reflect past emotional experiences.
Holmes says she was forced to file this lawsuit "to vindicate her reputation after American Media refused to retract its vicious lies about her....[the] claims about Katie are untrue, unethical and unlawful. Not only do they cruelly defame Katie, they play a cheap trick on the public, making ridiculously false claims on the cover unsupported by anything inside. Someone should bring a class action to get all buyers their money back."
Star is standing by their story: "We have not been served with any papers yet, however Star fully stands behind the editorial integrity of what we have published concerning Ms. Holmes' controversial use of the Scientology e-meter. The physical effect of the e-meter on its users is a matter of significant public concern, and we plan to vigorously defend the suit filed by Ms. Holmes."
Too bad no one is accusing the pair of being gay drug addicts.
I imagine that would be a $150 million lawsuit.
Just sayin'.

Joan Collins, who made her first appearance onstage for William Shakespeare, was rushed to the hospital from an Oscar after-party last weekend after she passed out.
Was it the fact that she's four-hundred-years old?

No, Collins revealed that her very tight dress was the reason she was hospitalized.
The 'Dynasty' actress, and former courtesan to Henry VIII, was ALLEGEDLY wearing a purple, figure-hugging dress by designer Georges Hobeika at Graydon Carter's Oscar viewing party and dinner when she started to feel faint.
Collins went and rested on a sofa at the hotel's bar, while her fifth husband Percy Gibson--who was born when Joan was married to her second husband, which means her eighth husband is being born now--called for an ambulance. Collins was discreetly helped out of the back of the hotel.
Joan Collins: "The truth was, I made the wrong decision to wear a very tight dress, and had something rather like a Victorian swoon." I believe, and correct me if I'm wrong, Joan Collins invented the Victorian swoon during the Victorian Era.
Now, that picture there, of the centuries old Collins, is one of her in the dress. Doesn't look too snug to me. But maybe it was the corset she borrowed from Marie Antoinette.
Just sayin'.

It looks like the drug addict don't fall far from the tree.
Whitney Houston's daughter, Bobbi Kristina Brown, has fired back at a National Enquirer cover story ALLEGING 17-year-old Brown was snorting cocaine at a party. She turns 18 on Friday.

The Enquirer photo spread shows Bobbi Kristina snorting a white substance, and we know it ain't crack, because crack is wack, like Mama says.
Bobbi Kristina made her case via Twitter, saying, "a former very dear person to me did this. Set me up to make it look exactly what it looks like. God will smite them yes..But it's really not what it looks like.. People will do anything for money which is extremely sad, and I'm very hurt by this."
Um, okay, so it isn't what it looks like, but, um, what is it, because we all know what it looks like.
See, according to the Enquirer--and remember, they broke the John Edwards adultery story so they must be a reputable source--quotes Bobbi Kristina's ex-boyfriend as saying, "Krissi is addicted to cocaine. I've tried to stop her, but all she said was, 'I'm just like my mother!'"
Bobbi Kristina, again on Twitter: "Thing's people do these days to hurt others is a shame. All I can do now, is keep my head up high, keep looking towards the lord.All the lord is telling me is be still. That's all, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."
Hmm, didn't her Mama say the same sorts of things when people said she had a drug problem, which she denied and denied and denied, until she admitted it was true?
Bobbi Kristina: "I love my family so much. My mom just comforted me to the max, and I'm so thankful for her. Thank you so much lord for blessing me with an Phenomenal family and incredibly phenomenal mother. Thank you for giving me the strength to move forward and put things in the past."
Hopefully this isn't true, but, well, it all sounds so vaguely familiar. I'm hoping Bobbi Kristina doesn't do a sit-down with Diane Sawyer.
And, to be fair, the National Enquirer has printed some very interesting Bobbi Kristina stories over the years. In 2008, they reported that a then-15 Bobbi Kristina "tried to stab her mom during an argument--and then attempted to kill herself by slashing her wrists," and in 2010, the Enquirer said Bobbi Kristina  was an "out of control....wild child....going party party-crazy."
And, continuing to be fair, in 2007, Whitney herself prohibited her then 14-year-old daughter from MySpace after photos of Bobbi Kristina ALLEGEDLY drinking alcohol and smoking weed surfaced.
Where there's smoke, there's probably a crack pipe.
Just sayin'.

Some people--not me--think Valentine's Day is the most romantic day of the year.
I'm guessing that this past Valentine's Day wasn't that good for Paula Abdul.

The former host of American idol, and the recently cancelled Live to Dance, placed a call to 911 on Valentine's Day while she was riding in a car with her boyfriend.
Crying, she told the operator of her emergency: "I wanna go, and he won't let me!"
And then she was heard, on tapes that TMZ acquired, asking her boyfriend, "Are you gonna drop me off 'cause I have emergency on the phone?"
Soon, thank god, the situation was diffused, and Paula happily sang, using Auto-Tone, "He's dropping me off."
Crisis averted!
Later on, when police spoke to Abdul, she claimed that the earlier incident was a minor argument that never became physical, and she declined to file a police report.
Luckily for Paula, the 911 operators in LA have nothing better to do than,listen to wannabe celebrities and hasbeens comp[lain about not getting their way.
Just sayin'.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But.........

Friends hasbeen, I mean, actor David Schwimmer is engaged.
At 43-years-old the former Friends star has found the love of his life in 24-year-old Zoe Buckman, whom he met when he picked her up at day camp in 1998.
I jest.
He allegedly met Buckman in 2007, when he was making his directorial debut, Run Fatboy Run. Back then, she was just another nubile twenty-one-year old and he was just another geezer preparing for his first, post-forty, prostate exam.
How.Romantic.

Demi Moore.
Remember her?
It seems like just yesterday when, at aged 84, she married a twelve-year-old Ashton Kutcher.
I kid.
But apparently Demi, the original cougar, doesn't like the word "cougar."
Go figure.
She says, "'Cougar' has become so distasteful. I really hate that expression. 'Puma' has a sweeter quality, more elegant."
Oh, Demi, I have a better word for you: hasbeen.
Try on "career over".
How do you like that?

It's gettin' hot in the kitchen with Paula Deen, y'all.
She was asked to do something called the Celebrity Chefs Tour, where she would give live cooking demonstrations in several cities, but when the $150,000 advance check she was given by promoters bounced, so did Paula.
But she's not through.
The tour people are playing the bitch card, saying Paula just walked away for no reason, and Paula is suing mad. She wants a $130,000 for each event she was to do, and, well, she also wants $1 million dollars for defamation.
That's a lot of biscuits'n'gravy.


I've tried to stay away from the Rielle Hunter-Johnny Edwards-Elizabeth Edwards trifecta of dysfunction, but this is just too funny to pass up.
Rielle did an interview with GQ to talk about how she isn't a whore and a stalker and a husband stealer, and how Elizabeth is really Elizabitch. Rielle told her story and then posed for pictures.
They gave her a man's shirt and no pants. No.Pants. And she posed in them. But now, and this is rich, Rielle is upset because she had no idea they would use the pictures of her without the pants, spread out on a child's bed, surrounded by stuffed animals.
Really? Rielle? What an idiot!
Now, GQ is fighting back, releasing videotaped footage of the photoshoot where Rielle is asked to look at the pants-less pics, and gives her approval! GQ reporter, Lisa DePaulo says, "Did she say she thought they would be headshots? Rielle is a smart woman. She knows what she wore and what she was doing in the photo shoot."
Rielle is a photographer and photo-journalist, but she don't know nothing 'bout taking no pitchers.

And, of course, more Charlie Sheen news.
The alleged drug-addict-wife-beating-alcoholic has enlisted the aid of a, ahem, "sober" coach to keep him away from the booze while he's on the set. No mention of whether or not there is a "crack coach" or a "porn coach".
According to a source, “Charlie wants to get clean. He’s got his demons and he knows it. But he’s doing everything he can right now.”
No, he wants to keep his fat white ass out of jail. And, when you consider that he apparently had a "sober coach" around when he went on a drunken rage last Christmas and allegedly pulled a knife on his wife, well, you wonder how much good the coaching will do. I mean, in Charlie's world, a "sober coach" is someone who tells him how to make a great dirty martini.

Looks like Paula Abdul may have a new job.
After leaving the judging seat on American Idol, and floating around in a stupor, Paula has been approached to sit at the judges table, or maybe even host, a reboot of Star Search.
From whacked out judge to whacked out judge. Not so much as a step up as a step over.
The new Star Search is supposedly set to debut this summer, would not allow Paula to work on Simon Cowell's Americanized The X Factor show.
But, Paula as a host? Who's gonna prop her up when her arms start going all willy-nilly, and will there be a translator on set to tell the audience what she said?

Allegedly, Kate Gosselin is a giant bitch media whore. And, judging by the photo, a little "rode hard and put away wet".
Well, others used the words “total diva” but I like mine.
Everyone on the set of Dancing With the Stars, from cast members, hired dancers, judges, stage-hands, the band, studio audience, and janitorial assistants hate her.
Poor Kate. All she wants to do is be a mother for her eight children while appearing on every single TV show she can and spending as much time away from her kids as possible.
The gossipmill is churning out news that she’s snubbing other cast members and being demanding to the crew. From an 'insider': “Kate doesn’t want anything to do with other contestants . . . While there’s a lot of camaraderie among the crew and other stars including Pamela Anderson, Kate has set herself apart . . . She wants to be queen bee.”
Yeah, Kate, you don't wanna be snubbin' Shannen Doherty. She'll cut a bitch. I know, because, well, let's just say, once, outside the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, I met up with a drunken, knife-wielding Doherty, and a bitch was cut.
I have the scars to prove it.

Oprah's getting sued again.
No, not by the beef folks. And not by the cake folks. And not by the diet folks.
She is being sued by Nomvuyo Mzamane, who was the former headmistress of Oprah's South African school. She was dismissed from her position when she was charged for abusing the students.
Nomvuyo says the charges are lies and occurred only when the Big O defamed her during a press conference back in 2007.A judge has ruled that there is sufficient evidence to make O put down the snack cakes, have her dressers dress her, her hair and make-up people primp and prune her, her driver take her to the airport so she can board her private plane, loaded with snack cakes, and fly to Philadelphia to appear in court.
I see a mad run on Philly Cheese Steaks. Get 'em while you can. Oprah will hit town on the 29th.
Consider yourselves warned.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But......

ESPN's Pardon the Interruption co-host, and clueless moron, Tony Kornheiser made some rather downright insulting comments regarding SportsCenter anchor Hannah Storm and her wardrobe.
On.The.Air.
"She was wearing a horrifying, horrifying outfit today. She's got on red go-go boots and a Catholic school plaid skirt … way too short for somebody in her 40s or maybe early 50s by now. She's got on her typically very, very tight shirt. She looks like she has sausage casing wrapping around her upper body … I know she's very good, and I'm not supposed to be critical of ESPN people, so I won't … but Hannah Storm … come on now! Stop! What are you doing?"
So, the "sports" guy morphed into Mister Blackwell, and took his comments to the airwaves. And, as is par for the course in these cases where people open their yaps before thinking, Kornheiser apologized for his insulting comments:
"I was wrong. This is sort of what I do, and I'm sorry for it. … Not the first time and won't be the last time, but I apologize for it this time."
His backhanded apology wasn't good enough for ESPN and they suspended him indefinitely.
Good for ESPN.

Sting released a new CD this past year, but he really hasn't toured much since The Police Reunion Tour of 2008.

Now, however, he is planning a world tour this summer, playing all of his music, reworked for the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra. The tour begins June 2nd in North America, and a UK leg is set to follow.

In a statement, Sting said:"I'm delighted by this new opportunity to tour with the Royal Philharmonic Concert Orchestra and reinterpret the songs I've been playing for many years."

I will be looking for, and hoping, that the tour comes somewhere near Smallville, even in a neighboring state. I am a huge fan of his music, and, well, in the interests of open dialogue, I once stalked Sting up and down the West Coast, seeing him in concert eight times in nine days, everywhere from Los Angeles to Seattle.

Don't judge.

After saying he wouldn't, because he doesn't have any sort of substance abuse issues ::::any more:::: Charlie Sheen has checked himself into rehab for alcohol and cocaine.

But, not, however, the same rehab facility where his current wife, Brooke Mueller, is seeking treatment for her crack habit. This is ::::allegedly:::: Brook's first trip through rehab, and Charlie's third.

People close to him, say he's seeking help because: “He loves his children and ultimately that’s what convinced him to get help.”

Hmm, love your children, but cannot give up the coke'n'booze; and then mom has her own crack troubles. Lovely set of parents for those children.

Charlie, while in rehab, is apparently trying to re-negotiate his contract with his mindnumbingly dumb TV show Two and a Half Men, because, well, rehab, and maybe another divorce, cost money.

In a case of crazy meets crazy, Paula Abdul will film a pilot for Oprah Winfrey's I-Have-More-Money-And-More-Cake-Than-God-Network, I mean, OWN.

Paula would be doing a daily talk show--who told Paula she could talk--in the vein of the old Oprah show, with celebrity guests and inspirational tales.

Seriously, this is the craziest thing ever.

Paula hasn't strung a coherent sentence together since 1984, and Oprah thinks she can have a talk show?

People wonder, though, if Paula's talk show--I laugh just typing it--takes off, will she still do the American X-Factor show with Simon Cowell, and Paula answers, "If Ellen DeGeneres can do it…so can I!"

Honey? You're no Ellen.

You're Paula Crazy Abdul.

I smell a trainwreck.

Evgeni Plushenko is a sore loser. An asshat of epic proportions.

Since losing the Gold medal at the Vancouver Olympics to American Evan Lysacek, Evgeni Plushenko has gone on a tear about how he was robbed and he's the better skater and he does a quad and ::::blibbety blah blay blue:::: get over it.

Now, it seems that Evgeni and his webmasters have created a website where he declares that he won, and this is so funny it's stupid, the ::::ooooooh aaaaaaah:::: Platinum Medal.

Do you see what he's doing there? Platinum is much more precious than either Silver or Gold, so he's rewriting Olympic history to say that was the winner, going so far as to create a medal category that doesn't exist.

Poor Evgeni Plushenko.

You can change the name, dear, but you're still a big pile of Number Two.

Lorenzo Lamas, hasbeen TV actor from the early 1980s, is apparently taking a page out of Charlie Sheen's book. Not the cocaine and booze page, but the serial groom page.

Seems, La Lamas, fifty-two years, um, young, is getting married again, for the fifth time, to his 23 year-old girlfriend of three months, Shawna Craig.

Good thing The Gays can't marry and the Straights can do it again and again and again and again and again.

I bet they have loads in common. For instance, she probably went to high school with a few of his six children. And, though she wasn't born yet, she can catch up with Lorenzo from his days on Falcon Crest in the 80s.

Good luck to these two crazy kids!

Tiger Woods is pissed at PETA.Not because he's a fur-wearing starlet, but because of a proposed billboard PETA wants to us.

It's clever, but Tiger ain't laughing. His lawyers, already working overtime on other issues, have contacted PETA and the animal rights group seems to be backing up:

"In light of conversations we have had with Mr. Woods' attorneys, plans to run our billboard are on hold at this time."

I think it's funny.

I Ain't One To Gossip, But........

File this under: I'd do it, too, given the chance.

Italian TV star Elena Di Cioccio grabbed David Beckham's package to find out if the soccer dad stuffs or not.

Giving the "lady" a filthy look, Beckham was clearly unamused at having his balls woman-handled and was immediately hustled away by his security into a nearby hotel.

A source close to Beckham [his balls, perhaps?] says: "It was done in jest and that's how David took it. She didn't actually grab it, it was an attempt. She just got his trouser leg."

Not the trouser snake?
Elena Di Cioccio said: "Off the pitch [I don't know what that means] e have seen fascinating photographs of David Beckham in his underpants and seemingly very well endowed and even his wife says that he is well equipped and calls him Golden Balls....but we wanted to find out if he was as well endowed as the pictures suggest or if they were touched up."

Honey, he was touched up, by your groping fingers!

Paula Abdul decided not to renew her multi-year contract with American Idol last summer and there was a lot of talk about why this no-talent-has-been-loon would leave such a lucrative gig.

Well, maybe it's because, had she signed the new deal she would have been unable to leave AI to be a judge on Simon Cowell's Americanized X Factor show.

Seems like Cowell and Abdul worked a little something-something and she'll be a judge on the new show.

Sneaky Paula. Sneaky Simon.

I don't like Cindy McCain.

I'll just put it out there. I think she's a schemer and a desperate plastic surgery hag who wanted so badly to be First Lady and has gone a little McCrazy since Grampa lost the election.

But now, Cindy's following in daughter Meghan's footsteps and become part of the NOH8 campaign, standing up for marriage equality.

So, I'll take a snarky pass on her.....this time.

Of course, Grampa isn't so lucky.

John McCain instantly released a statement saying he doesn't agree with wifey and daughter, that marriage is a one-man-one-woman institution.

This from a man who left his first wife to marry a millionaire's daughter while while said first wife was recovering from a horrendous car accident. Sanctity of marriage, unless you're straight and something richer comes along.

I don't watch The Hills, but that doesn't mean i ain't never heard of media-whore-and-bad-plastic-surgery-victim Heidi Montag.

And Heidi has recorded an album; she said, before it came out, that it was as good as Thriller, and that she wants to be the next Britney. So, to that end, she spent 2 million dollars of her own[?] money to make the album.

Which came out this week.

And sold 658 copies.

Two-million divided by 658 equals.....yeah, those of you who bought her album, now have a CD worth approximately $33,000.00

Or, at least that's what it cost Heidi.

Gleek News:

My favorite show is doing an All-Madonna-All-The-Time episode, and, out lesbian Jane Lynch, who plays the devilishly deliciously vicious Sue Sylvester, will be performing "Vogue" for the show's Madonna-esque episode.
"I'm going to be singing the song and doing a video for it," Lynch revealed. "It's going to be so much fun!"

Greta Garbo and Monroe, Dietrich and DiMaggio.

I cannot wait to see how Sue C's Vogue.

Well, it looks like numbnuts network NBC and Conan O'Brien have reached a $45 million deal so Conan can leave quietly and hack comic Jay Leno can go crawling back to 11:35.

O'Brien will get $33 million and the rest will go to his staff in severance pay.

Meanwhile, Coco has had fun skewering NBC and their incredible mishandling of this whole mess. Jay, of course, has taken to playing the victim.

Victim?

Jay Leno has had nothing since The Tonight Show and will have nothing when it ends for him again.

Conan, however, may soon be seen at Fox, and I hope his audience follows and he whips Jay's chin. I'd have said ass, but, c'mon, with that chin?

He's over it! Again.

Just like when he was on The West Wing and wasn't getting enough camera time so he quit, Rob Lowe is leaving Brothers & Sisters at the end of this season.
He says he was "underutilized and asked to be released from his contact."

Sme line he used when he left his last TV gig, and was given his own show, that failed miserably. And he wants to try that again at ABC; his own show.

Fail.

Miserably.

Um, Rob, when you take a show that stars Norma Rae and Ally McBeal, and your best performance was the one where you screwed a teenager in an Atlanta hotel room, well, you should have known you'd be under-utilized.

Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

Star Jones.

Haven't heard much from her since her CourtTV show was cancelled. or she was fired from The View. Or her mini-gig on HGTV failed to turn into something permanent. Or when her Not-Gay-Husband left her.

But looky here, Star has been fired again.

The Enquirer--I know--is reporting that Star Jones was fired from her job n The Insider after getting into a screaming match with one the producers!
A source--I always wanted to be "a source' because they get around--reveals: "At first, Star got along with the producers just fine. But as she got more comfortable, she started complaining about the topics they wanted to discuss. She said they were too trashy and 'Star doesn't do trash!'"

Sheesh, Star, you took a job on a gossip show. Trash is their stock in trade.
Apparently, shooting Star was also upset that they used another mouthy Black woman, funny gal Niecy Nash, on the show when Star wasn't available.

She may have lost about a thousand pounds, but the ego only got bigger.