I Didn't Say It ....

Stephen Colbert, on Sarah Huckleberry Sanders getting the boot from the Red Hen:

 “What do you mean you treat everybody with respect? You work for Donald _____. You don’t even treat yourself with respect. Denying service to people you disagree with is a slippery slope. Because pretty soon, we would just have liberal-only restaurants and conservative restaurants, and it’ll be a nightmare finding a place where your whole family can eat. Restaurant workers, you don’t have to kick out Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Just treat her the same way she treats her customers. Only take the order of the two people at the table you like. Then tell Sanders, ‘I’m not going to comment on whether or not this dish contains peanuts.’ And then when the food never arrives, just say ‘I haven’t talked to the chef about that yet. So I can’t give you any new information. I’ll be back at 2:45 tomorrow with a completely different menu that you can’t order from.”

I like this line of thought.

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Jeanine Pirro, _____ puppet, on her Fox “News” show, about Huckleberry being denied service and Kirstjen Nielsen being booed from a restaurant:

“Political debate at the very heart of the founding of this country has devolved into political harassment and outright political abuse. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the White House press secretary, one of the most of prestigious jobs in Washington, D.C., out to dinner, places her order and is then told to leave by the owner because she works for the president of the United States. Sarah quietly leaves. The Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen this week was literally screamed and heckled out of a restaurant while eating her dinner. _____ supporters are being harassed all across this country by a hysterical left unwilling to accept the decision and the will of the American people who put Donald _____ in office. These unhinged leftists are normalizing outrageous behavior which is only getting worse.”

Actually, Jeanine, you ass, more people voted for anyone but _____ than voted for him, so the will of the people is non-_____.

And people are just exercising their rights to Free Speech by booing Nielsen, and their rights to discriminate and deny service, which is a thing this White House likes.

You snowflakes just don’t like it when it’s aimed at you.

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Orrin Hatch, Republican Senator from Utah, calling for inclusion for LGBTQ youth:

“Mr. President, if there were ever a time to show our LGBT friends just how much we love them, it is now. In a world where millions suffer in silence, we owe it to each other to love loudly. That’s why I am a strong supporter of Utah’s Love Loud Festival, among many other efforts to combat suicide and improve mental health in the LGBT community. These young men and women deserve to feel loved, cared for, and accepted for who they are.  They deserve to know that they belong, and that our society is stronger because of them. Mr. President, ensuring that our LGBT friends feel loved and accepted is not a political issue; we all have a stake in this. We all have family or loved ones who have felt marginalized in one way or another because of gender identity or sexual orientation—and we need to be there for them.”

Oh, that’s so nice, but this is the same Orrin Hatch who voted to confirm Ben Carson and Betsy DeVos, who both have clear records of opposing LGBTQ equality and who have since used their positions to dismantle protections for transgender people.

Hatch is also a co-sponsor of the so-called “First Amendment Defense Act” [FADA], which would create a religious license to discriminate against LGBTQ people. And just last week, he “applauded” the Supreme Court’s ruling in the Masterpiece Cakeshop case.

Words are nice, but his deeds speak volumes.

Siddown.

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Tim Cook, Apple CEO, on inequality and why he came out as gay:

“Many of the problems of the world come down to the lack of equality. It’s the fact that it’s the kid who is born in one ZIP code doesn’t have a good education because he happens to be born in that ZIP code. It’s someone who is maybe in the LGBT community who is fired because of that. It’s someone who has a different religion than the majority and are therefore ostracized in some way. If one day you could wave a wand and everybody would treat each other with dignity and respect, there are many, many problems that would go away with that….I [came out] for a greater purpose. I realized there were a lot of kids out there that were not being treated very well—including in their own families. Kids need someone to say ‘oh, they did okay in life, and they’re gay, so it must not be a life sentence in some kind of way.’ We’re getting these notes… it would tug on my heart even more, and it got to the point, and it got to the point where I thought, I’m making the wrong call, by trying to do something that is comfortable for me, which is to stay private. I needed to do something for the greater good.”

Every coming out is for the greater good because every coming out helps someone else along the path.

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Jimmy Fallon, about _____’s reaction to Fallon’s saying he never should have humanized Hair Furor by tousling his hair:

“As you may have heard, the President of the United States went after me on Twitter. So Melania, if you’re watching, I don’t think your anti-bullying campaign is working. He said I called and said, ‘Monster ratings.’ First of all, I’ve never called this human in my life. I don’t have his number, I don’t want his number. I’ve never said ‘monster ratings.’ I don’t know what he’s talking about. By the way, Donald, I don’t know if you’ve seen my ratings the past two years, you didn’t help my ratings. But, really, thanks a lot. Thanks for nothing.”

Thanks for nothing is right.

Still, Fallon has taken a long time to finally speak out against this regime.

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Jerry Seinfeld, on Roseanne getting fired for her racist mouth:

“I didn’t see why it was necessary to fire her. Why would you murder someone who’s committing suicide? But I never saw someone ruin their entire career with one button push. That was fresh. I think they should get another Roseanne. They brought Dan Conner back, he was dead and they brought him back. So, why can’t we get another Roseanne? There’s other funny women that could do that part. You need to get the comic in there. I hate to see a comic lose a job.”

A comedian didn’t lose her job; a racist did.

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Tuesday Thought #4

Bobservations

On Christmas Day the Fat Bastard tweeted that he would be going “back to work” the next day, Tuesday, but ...

On Tuesday, he played golf … Wednesday, he played golf … Thursday, he played golf … Friday, he played golf … Saturday, he played golf … Sunday, he played golf … Monday, he played golf.

In fact, the Fat Bastard also golfed on the two days before Christmas, making it nine out of the last 10 days on the links even though he promised not to golf at all as president:

“I’m going to be working for you. I’m not going to have time to go play golf.”

I knew he was lying but what about you Deplorables? How do you like the lying fool now?

On this same kick …. When asked if the president has a bit of a transparency issue when it comes to his $90 million a year golf addiction—paid for by We The People—his Lying Minion Sarah Huckleberry Sanders said:

“I think it’s the press that has an issue with his time on the course. The president is extremely proud of the accomplishments we had during 2017.”

And then she claimed that his successful …. Her word …first year in office was due to the “relationship building” he was able to do on the golf course though she could not name one single important meeting the Fat Bastard held while golfing.

Yet the Deplorables still rally behind his ass.

While scrolling through the TV listings last week, looking for one of the nerdy shows he likes to watch, Carlos stopped on this:

NBA: Rockets at Celtics

And he said, sadly, out loud:

“NBA Rockettes? What is that?”

I am still laughing.

Vice President Mike Pence and Mother Pence spent the holiday in Aspen and they received a lovely welcoming note from the neighbors.

Neighbors posted this message on a stone pillar that sits at the end of driveway:

Pitkin County Sheriff's Deputy Michael Buglione said you couldn’t miss the sign, and noted that the man and woman who live in the home brought chili and corn muffins to deputies and Secret Service agents posted at the end of the driveway. Pitkin County Sheriff Joe DiSalvo said one of his deputies was present when the man who lives in the home came out and first draped the banner over the stone pillar:

"He was real sheepish and thought he might be confronted by the Secret Service or deputies who'd tell him he couldn't do it. When they said, 'We're not here to control your free speech rights,' they came out with chili and began feeding them. They've been really nice to us."

That just makes it all the more special!

That and knowing Pence and Mother Pence were annoyed by a “gay” sign outside their vacation rental.

More gay good news … South Bend, Indiana Mayor Pete Buttigieg announced on Facebook that he is marrying his boyfriend Chasten Glezman:

“He said yes! Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with Chasten Glezman.”

Congrats to the happy couple!

Let me just say this to those, and you know who you are, social media whores out there … and you know who you are … I never had to be taught that filming a dead body was sick, and I never had to learn that making jokes about a suicide victim was disgusting. I just always knew was sick and vile and wrong. So, stop with the I’m sorry bull shiz, you’re just looking to salvage your followers.

I also know, without ever having to be told, that you don’t rake children, especially, your own relatives, over the coals because, wait a second, they’re children. And then you don’t have to apologize for being a dick.

Best that the two of you, and, again, you know who you are, to close all your social media accounts until you learn how to act human.

I guess you could call it getting buff in the buff, because Hanson Fitness in New York City will be holding naked personal fitness classes to kick off 2018. The fitness studio will have its first nude personal training session. The studio initially plans to host three sessions a week: one mixed, one for men, and one for women.

Mixed? Men and women? Hell, no ….

But, if guests are uncomfortable training in the complete nude, nude-colored underwear is permitted.

And what exactly is the point of that?

So, we know Orrin Hatch, the GOP’s longest-serving senator, is retiring, but did you know it was a personal smackdown to _____?

Hatch was under heavy pressure from _____ to seek re-election in order to block Mittsy Romney from seeking that seat since Romney is no fan of the Fat Bastard.

Hatch, who had his lips pressed firmly to _____’s ass decided to retire after discussing the matter with his family … or because a recent poll showed that 75% of Utah voters did not want him to run again.

Yeah, that last thing.

Former Minnesota congresswoman, virulent homophobe, current “pastor to the United Nations” and victim of The Crazy Eyes, Michele Bachmann is considering running for Al Franken’s Senate seat … if God asks her:

“I trust in a big God. I feel like I was wildly successful [in running for president in 2012] … I didn’t win, but I moved the debate. So, I didn’t shed a tear when I left the contest because I felt like, you know, I fulfilled the calling that God gave me. So, the question is am I being called to do this now? I don’t know.”

Um, Michele? Honey? “Wildly successful”? Even God read that and She started laughing so hard she forgot to smite you.

Down in Texas some new laws will go into effect this year, like …

… a ban on texting while driving. That’s good, right?

…open carry for swords and machetes. Yes, seriously. Blades more than 5.5 inches in length are being permitted for open-carry in public places, though the law prohibits swords and machetes in most bars, schools, colleges, sporting events, polling places, race parks, correctional facilities, hospitals, amusement parks and places of worship.

… new. Lower handgun license fees; I guess for those who don’t own a machete.

They started off so good with the texting, which is a crime, but swords and guns? Go ahead, whip ‘em out.

Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner made a deal for her to become the first female president. Was she planning to run on the Cheap Crap Made In China Platform?

Siddown, grifter.

Carlos and I watched Hell or High Water over the weekend starring …. another …. Husband In My Head, Chris Pine, as a bank robber in West Texas.

Good, smart, funny, film, but, yeah, Chris Pine.

Just Another Thought

Bobservations

We watched Good Morning America while having breakfast on Christmas Day and when Santa appeared with gifts, Carlos said:

“Is that Matt Lauer?”

Sometimes he doesn’t know how really funny he is.

Clearly the Fat Bastard has no problem with elder abuse, because his administration is scaling back the use of fines against nursing homes that harm residents or place them in grave risk of injury.

Since 2013, nearly four of every 10 nursing homes have been cited at least once for a serious violation.

I hope the Fat Bastard will be okay because after Junior locks him away in Shady Pines, there’s no telling what he’ll endure. And I’m fine with that.

In a Christmas Day editorial, the Salt Lake Tribune named GOP Senator Orrin Hatch as its “Utahn of the Year.”

That sounds nice, until you read further, and they say he earned the honor by his stunning “lack of integrity.” The editorial board claims Hatch had an extraordinary year and “has done the most … made the most news … had the biggest impact. For good or for ill.”

In Hatch’s case, the paper put him in the ‘ill’ column because of his part in aiding and abetting _____’s dismantling of the Bears Ears and Grand Staircase-Escalante national monuments, his role as chairman of the Senate Finance Committee in passing that GOP Tax Scam and his “utter lack of integrity that rises from his unquenchable thirst for power.”

The paper then urged Hatch to step aside, but Orrin Hatch clearly didn’t read the article, save the headline, because he Tweeted about the ‘honor.’

Stupid little asshat.

In high-larious news, someone sent a package wrapped in holiday gift paper and filled with horse manure to US Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin.

That’s all.

In hypocritical news, Callista Gingrich began her duties as the new US ambassador to the Vatican.

Gingrich, wearing a traditional black mantilla, presented her credentials to Pope Francis though I think she left out the part where she reveals that she is Newt Gingrich’s third wife and had an affair with him when she was a congressional aide and he was still married to his second wife.

Hey, she talked Newt into converting to Catholicism, so maybe Pope Frankie ignored the three times married adulterer parts, still, judging by that photo it might be best to keep a supply of Holy Water and an exorcist on hand.

Just Satan, er, sayin’.

Arizona’s GOP Senator Jeff Flake says he isn’t ruling out a 2020 presidential run following his term in the Senate.

Um, Jeff, that might have sounded promising when you announced your retirement and blasted _____ in a speech, but, you know, since you voted for the GOP Tax Scam, you are clearly a GOP asshat of epic proportions.

Good luck losing that election.

Speaking of the Fat Bastard, _____ visited Mar-a-Lago for Christmas, and went golfing the day after; he insisted he is on a “working vacation” but because he’s as dumb as a box of GOP Congressman, he Tweeted on Christmas night that he would get “back to work” Tuesday.

Really.

Carlos does not like making decisions; if you ask him if he’d like dinner served now, he’ll say. “I could eat.’ And I usually say that isn’t an answer, because it also implies that he could not eat.

On Christmas Day he tried that with me and we both ended up laughing so hard at his “We could … “ lines and his “If you’re ready …” nonsense and his “Whenever you want …” bull shiz.

I finally had to shout:

“Do.You.Want.Dinner.Now? Yes OR No?”

And then I get an answer.

We all know the Fat Bastard got his panties in a wad when his Attorney General, Little Jeffy Sessions, recused himself from the Russia probe because _____ believed that helped lead to Mueller’s appointment.

But this is better, and by better, I mean stupid.

Now the Fat Bastard is blaming Jeff Sessions for Ry Moore’s defeat in Alabama because it was Sessions’ departure from the Senate to the DOJ that necessitated the election Moore lost.

Like I said, stupid.

Man Candy this week is one Daniel Kaluuya, from Get Out, a disturbing horror film—or is it—along with three stars from Nocturnal Animals, the always delicious Jake Gyllenhaal, Aaron Taylor-Johnson—thanks for the nude scene—and Armie Hammer.

Hammer’s role was small but any chance I get to post his photo, well, deal with it.

I Didn't Say It ...

Jennifer Finney Boylan, Trans woman, author and activist, on her “gay agenda”:

“What I want above all, is the special right to be left alone, and to be considered half of just one more unextraordinary American couple—just as the two of us were as we sat at the bar watching the ocean and drinking our beers. You’d think that most of this would be common sense—that protecting American citizens from violence and unemployment and homelessness would be something we’d all agree upon. You’d think that respecting the privacy and humanity of some of the country’s most vulnerable souls would be a common goal.”

Isn’t that simple? Just live and let live ...

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Elton John, telling Prince Harry how his mother, Princess Diana, changed attitudes toward gay people and people with AIDS:

“It was considered to be a gay disease. For someone who was within the Royal Family and who was a woman, and who was straight, to have someone care from the other side, was an incredible gift. Because of her ... she had that incredible ability—which [Harry] kind of inherited—to make people feel at ease and make them feel that everything’s gonna be all right. I haven’t experienced many people in my life who have that ability, but she could walk into a room of people and make them feel as if everything was great.”

She truly helped changed minds about the LGBT community and, especially, people with AIDS.

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Jason Chaffetz, suggesting what the GOP needs to do about the Democrats and their investigation into the _____ Klan and Russia:

“Republicans need to get a backbone. Every time the Democrats say they need to call up Jared Kushner or Don Jr.—call up Chelsea Clinton, call up the Clintons. ... You have Bill Clinton, the former president, taking millions and millions of dollars from countries, that Hillary Clinton is going in and then doing business. So every time a Democrat says ‘I gotta talk to Donald _____ Jr.,’ then go up and bring Chelsea Clinton in there.”

Chaffetz a goose-stepping, ass-kissing GOP lapdog then went on to suggest that Chelsea Clinton was “involved in the Benghazi situation.”

No proof; not a shred of evidence. Just another fearmongering GOP fuckmonkey ... no offense to monkeys.

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Sean Spicer, ousted White House flunky, whining to Sean Hannity about SNL:

“I think when it’s funny it’s funny. I think that there were parts of it that were funny, but there’s a lot of it that was over the line. It wasn’t funny. It was stupid, or silly, or malicious. But there were some skits on late night television that I did crack up at. So sometimes it can be funny, Some of the memes you have to crack up about. But sometimes it goes from funny to mean.”

Mean is still funny, you wingnut, and Melissa McCarthy was a better you than you have ever been.

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Seth Meyers, on _____’s new communications director Anthony Scaramucci:

“_____’s new Communications Director is Wall Street financier Anthony Scaramucci. Look at this guy! He’s a human pinky ring. He’s the human embodiment of a double-parked BMW. He looks like the guy who leaves a doo-wop group over creative differences. He looks like the only magician you can get on short notice. I could go on and on. He definitely calls waitresses ‘sweetheart.’ His yearbook quote was ‘don’t worry about it!'”

I find Scaramucci to look a little like comedian Mario Cantone, and Tweeted Mario, sugessting he offer his services for SNL’s new season. Mario then Tweeted that he’ll be playing ‘The Mooch’ on Comedy Central, and maybe SNL will be next.

I asked him to do “The Mooch” as Lizaaaaaaaaa!

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Laverne Cox, actress and Trans woman, on _____’s transgender military ban:

“I have met many transgender Americans over the years who have served or are currently serving our country in the military. I have heard from them humiliating stories of being misgendered and experiencing various kinds of mistreatment when they are willing to put their lives on the line in ways many of us would never do including our current President. This latest reversal of another Obama administration policy continues to send the message to trans Americans that our lives, our safety and service are less valuable and unwanted in this country, the country I love and hold so dear.”

After eight years of Obama, I cannot grasp the idea that a president is trying to go back to closeting people, discriminating against people, treating anyone as less than.

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Gregory Angelo, president of the Log Cabin Republicans, on _____’s ban: 

“This smacks of politics, pure and simple. The United States military already includes transgender individuals who protect our freedom day in and day out. Excommunicating transgender soldiers only weakens our readiness; it doesn’t strengthen it. The president’s statement this morning does a disservice to transgender military personnel and reintroduces the same hurtful stereotypes conjured when openly gay men and women were barred from service during the military’s ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ era. As an organization that led the charge against that hateful policy, Log Cabin Republicans remains equally committed to standing up for transgender military personnel who put their lives on the line to keep us free.”

Perhaps the LCR needs to rethink its party affiliation because, while some in the GOP are quietly bigoted, this stance is not really that new.

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Orrin Hatch, Utah Seantor and Republican, on the trans ban:

“I don’t think we should be discriminating against anyone. Transgender people are people, and deserve the best we can do for them. I look forward to getting much more information and clarity from our military leaders about the policy the President tweeted today.”

Well, well, well, color me embarrassed. A Republican, from Utah no less, showing support for the Trans community.

Is it me, or did Hell suddenly get a lot cooler?

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Michael Surgaugh, Boy Scouts of America president, finally commenting on _____’s disgusting speech at their Jamboree”:

“I want to extend my sincere apologies to those in our Scouting family who were offended by the political rhetoric that was inserted into the jamboree. That was never our intent. The invitation for the sitting U.S. President to visit the National Jamboree is a long-standing tradition that has been extended to the leader of our nation that has had a Jamboree during his term since 1937. It is in no way an endorsement of any person, party or policies. For years, people have called upon us to take a position on political issues, and we have steadfastly remained non-partisan and refused to comment on political matters. We sincerely regret that politics were inserted into the Scouting program.”

You should have known when you invited him. When _____ gives a speech he only speaks about himself, never the group to whom he’s speaking.

And, about ten seconds in, when you realized this was to be a political speech,. His microphone should have been cut off.

No disrespect to an actual president, but the #FakePresident needed to sit down.

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