Snarky Thoughts

Oh the signs of Spring … the Cardinals have returned to Camden and the daffodils are blooming … flowers are sprouting and Mo’Nique is once again talking her loathing of Oprah and Tyler Perry. A refresher? Okay … Mo’Nique was hired by Lee Daniels to co-star in Precious fourteen years ago and she did. But when it came time to distribute the film, Daniels needed some coins and called in Perry and Winfrey to pay those costs. Now those two egos asked Mo’Nique to go on a press tour for the film and she demanded payment and they said ‘No, that’s not how it works,’ and thus started Mo’Nique’s Woe Is Me tour.

My Thoughts: It’s been almost fifteen years, Mo, give it up; there are no Oprah coins coming your way and you sound ridiculous burping up the same story every year.

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Grey’s Anatomy had Dr. McDreamy and Dr. McSteamy, but they also had Dr. Homophobe, AKA Isaiah Washington, who was fired from the show for a homophobic slur filled rant way back in Ott-Seven. Well, you know sometimes those who spew hate lose jobs and Washington’s mostly been working on joining the MAGAt cult and took to Twitter to announce his “early retirement from the entertainment industry.”

My Thought: Keep the hate to yourself, and you can keep your next job … at Starbucks.

PS You know what else is over, besides your career? Hats; seriously, why must I keep telling you people. Hats.Are.Over.

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Cher confused us all at the end of 2022 when she posted a picture of a diamond ring she received from her new man, Alexander “AE” Edwards. It seemed like the diva was engaged but most feel like that was not the case. But now those same sources are saying that Cher’s sons, Chaz Bono and Elijah Blue Allman are not at all pleased that mama may marry a man who is 17 years younger than Chaz and ten years younger than Elijah. They seem to think that Ae is after Cher’s coins and mama may just cut them out of the will if they continue this nonsense.

My Thought: By acting the fools over their mother’s relationship, the two sons might just be left with her coins, but it won’t because of AE it will be due to their own meddling.

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50 Cent seems consumed with being a terrible father, of trolling Madonna, and declaring he doesn’t like getting his salad tossed, but right now, today, he’s defending the honor of his, ahem, unretouched penis. A few months ago, 50 filed a lawsuit when a picture he took with plastic surgeon Angela Kogan was posted alongside an interview she did with The Shade Room about penis enhancement surgery; he sued the doctor, the med spa she owns, and The Shade Room for implying he had his ding-a-ling lengthened. He ALLEGEDLY settled with The Shade Room for an undisclosed amount.

My Thought: We all know Fiddy has old pictures of his dick, so why not just whip it out and prove he didn't add a little length to his Two-Bit Dick.

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That Woman, you know, the one who sold her daughter’s private sex tape to a porn company to make her demon spawn famous, has sparked rumors she’s engaged to longtime boyfriend Corey Gamble after flashing a massive diamond ring on social media. The ring, which featured a simple band with clear-cut stone sitting proudly in the center, is estimated to be worth over $1.2 million.

My Thought: How does That Woman’s boyfriend, who may or may not have a job other than being her sidepiece “bodyguard”, buy a $1.2 million ring?

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Color me not surprised, but Kim Kardastrophe has actually admitted she would, well. Let’s have her say it:

“I’ll try anything. If you told me that I literally had to eat poop every single day and I would look younger, I might. I just might.”

I feel like she’s been eating sh*t ever since her porn days.

Kim  Poop

Sarah Jessica Parker’s next move might be trying to get Kim Cattrall to pay rent for the space she takes up in SJP’s head.

Seriously, SJP, who pretends to take the high road in this ALLEGED feud with Cattrall is at it again, playing both the victim and the bitch as we near the Five-Year Anniversary of the time that Cattrall said she wasn’t going to ever do another Sex and the City movie. Now, for her part, Kim has maintained her position; she did the role on TV, she did the role in two movies, one so-so and the other so so awful, and when asked to do a third film she said, simply, ‘No.’

But SJP played the victim, acting heartbroken that her “friend” would do such a horrible thing as turn down a job, and then turned into a bitch, saying that Cattrall was never ever going to be asked to the TV And Just Like That … Nobody Watched which was fine with Kim because, again, she announced five years ago that she wasn’t playing Samantha again.

For the love of the goddess, SJP, get it through your head: Kim is done with you and the show. You, however, speak on and on about Cattrall and the show, as you did when the reboot began airing and you had your cutesy scenes about Samantha and when you spoke to the press saying The Actress—you couldn’t even bring yourself to say her name—was never asked, and was never going to be asked, to join a TV show she had already said she did not want, and was not going to, do.

Of course now you’re talking again, because Cattrall has revealed the reason she turned down SATC3 was because her part in that film would have been mostly about a thirteen year old choking his chicken to a picture of Samantha and she called it tasteless … and so SJP took herself to The Hollywood Reporter’s Awards Chatter podcast and said it was “very hard” to talk about the situation with Kim before proceeding to talk about it:

“There were just a lot of public conversations about how she felt about the show. I’ve spent a lot of years working really hard to always be decent to everybody on the set, to take care of people, to be responsible to and for people, both my employers and the people that I feel I’m responsible for as a producer of the show. And there just isn’t anyone else who’s ever talked about me this way.”

Victim.

Then SJP got into the fight that started all of this back in 2017. She claims everything was fine with her and her employees until the negotiations started on Sex and the City 3. She claims Kim wanted a raise and when she didn’t get one, she quit. And that’s a bad thing? Samantha has been part of that show, and the first two films, and thought maybe a nice raise would be a way of saying Thanks, but the producers—and let’s be clear, Sarah Jessica parker is a producer—told her to pound sand.

Bitch.

SJP is butt hurt because And Just Like That …. Nobody Watched is a minor hit, and most of the chatter around the show is, “Where’s Kim?’

And she’s living rent-free inside SJP’s head and laughing like mad about it.

SJP  Kim

Former Glee star Matthew Morrison found a new gig this year on So You Think You Can Dance until it turned out to be So We Think You’re Fired.

The story first broke that Morrison was “let go” from the show for not following “protocols” and it sounded like  COVID thing, especially after he released this statement:

"Having the opportunity to be a judge on So You Think You Can Dance was an incredible honor for me. Therefore, it is my deepest regret to inform you that I will be leaving the show. After filming the audition rounds for the show and completing the selection of the 12 finalists, I did not follow competition production protocols, preventing me from being able to judge the competition fairly. I cannot apologize enough to all involved and I will be watching alongside you all on what I know will be one of the best seasons yet."

Sounds simple, but then word came that Morrison was fired "after he had an inappropriate relationship with a female contestant." Now, the show wants to stress that the two “didn't have sex, but he reached out to her through flirty direct messages on social media [and] she felt uncomfortable with his line of comments and went to producers, who then got Fox involved. He was fired after they did their own investigation."

To make it even more gross, Morrison has been married to Renee Puente for eight years and have two children together. Renee seems to have responded Morrison’s firing by posting to Instagram:

“Nurture yourself by first SLOWING DOWN, taking a DEEP BREATH, and asking yourself a few questions to GAIN CLARITY on your situation. How do I feel in my body? What is consuming my mind?” 

SLOW DOWN and stop messaging young girls while you’re a married man, Matthew.

Take a DEEP BREATH and think about the private messages, which I can only guess won’t be private for long.

And GAIN CLARITY on which divorce attorney to call.

LOGO   Morrison

You know, Mo’Nique loves to beef. She beefed with Lee Daniels, Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry about Precious for thirteen years until they all kissed and made up this year, and so now she needs a new beef: enter DL Hughley.

Mo’Nique and D.L. were scheduled to appear together at Detroit’s Fox Theater for The Comedy Explosion but Mo’ ALLEGES that DL refused to share the stage with her if she was the headliner and so Mo’Nique spent most of her set raging about it onstage, and not at all being funny … which she was hired to do:

“Y’all don’t understand. I was getting ready to walk the fuck up out of here, but I said, ‘I can’t let the people down.’ I’m 30-plus years in this motherfucking business and I don’t open for no goddamn body. The contract said, ‘the headliner.’”

Mo’Nique says DL “crossed the line” and that he has criticized her in the past on one of his tours, and so she stewed and beefed and waited years for the one time she and DL would be on the same bill, and she went off.

And DL was not having it and, as people do, took his claims to social media:

“All you have to do is check the order of names on the ticket stub from last night and you’ll see who’s confused. Against my better judgment, over the objections of my team and 4 other occasions where I said NO, I decided to take a chance and work with Monique. Oprah was the problem, Tyler Perry was the problem, Charlamagne was the problem, Steve Harvey was the problem, Lee Daniels was the problem, Netflix was the problem… Now it’s MY turn. At some point it can’t be everyone else, IT’S YOU!! Lesson learned. I didn’t have anything personal against Monique… People paid a lot of money to laugh, not hear about your contract. Apparently, the role you played in PRECIOUS turned out to be an autobiography. I wonder who’s next… “

Ouch; and then he added in ALL CAPS:

“ANSWER ME THIS…. WHEN HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE “HEADLINER” AT THE BOTTOM AND MENTIONED LAST? THE CONFUSION IS WITH WHOEVER GASSED HER UP ON PREMIUM OCTANE. NOW BACK TO THIS STOGIE AND BOURBON. Y’ALL AIN’T F*N MY SUNDAY UP.”

Mo’Nique clapped back … in ALL CAPS too no less … because, well, she’s Mo’Nique:

“THE FACT THAT YOU POINT THE PEOPLE TO THE TICKET STUBS FOR THE ORDER OF THE NAMES VERSUS TO YOUR CONTRACT IMPLIES THAT YOU DON’T HAVE A CONTRACT THAT SHOWS YOU ARE THE HEADLINER, LIKE I DO. EITHER SHOW YOUR CONTRACT OR BE QUIET. STOP MESSING WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE NEVER MESSED WITH YOU AND WHO ONCED CONSIDERED YOU A COMRADE IN COMEDY. BUT I THANK YOU DL BECAUSE YOUR YOU’RE THE REASON WHY I FIGHT FOR MY PEOPLE LIKE I DO. ANYTIME YOU OPENED FOR THE KINGS OF COMEDY, AND I WAS THE HEADLINER FOR THE QUEENS OF COMEDY AND YOU THINK YOU SHOULD CLOSE THE SHOW OVER ME IS A PRIME EXAMPLE OF THE BIAS THAT BLACK WOMEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN THIS BUSINESS. I WON’T EVEN DISCUSS AWARDS.
I LOVE US 4REAL.”

I’m giving this feud about 13 years to run its course, with Mo’Nique taking every opportunity to play the victim, until the day she makes up with DL, and then finds another target.

Mo and DL

Since we started with famewhore and asshat Kim Kardastrophe, let’s end with her.

Kimmy has started a new skin care line … and, as of now, it does not include eating excrement, but she has named it Skkn by Kim,  which is eerily similar to Lori Harvey’s skincare line, Skn by LH.

As the Twitterverse said:

“Sis just added a K and called it a day.”

“Anyone with a fully developed brain and a pair of working eyeballs can clearly see that S-K-N and S-K-K-N is the same.”

“You could be so creative with your kids’ names. Now all of a sudden, you lost creativity? … At this point, it’s pretty much giving copy and paste.”

It is kind of ridiculous, but am I the only who, when I see Lori Harvey’s business name I see Skin by LH, but when I see the Kardastrophe knockoff I see Sikken by Kim?

Just sayin’, maybe it’s the feces.

SKN by LH   SKKN by Kim

I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

Mark me down in the ‘Sorry, Not Sorry’ column, but word has it that Lori Loughlin, who started her prison sentence at the end of October in a low-security prison for non-violent offenders, is having a hard time.

Sources, and that may be Lori’s prison bitch  who carries her tray in the dining hall and makes her bed every day, says the self-entitled, cheater mom is a “wreck. I don’t know why; she was  originally set to do time at Victorville Federal Correctional, where she could have done Pilates and Origami, but was instead sent to the Dublin, California prison,  a much lower-security cushy prison, because they had “lower COVID-19 numbers.”

Again, the rich get a better hand.

Lori was hoping to be out by Christmas but should have learned to count because a two-month jail sentence that starts October 30 ends December 30 … after Christmas.

Again … sorry, not sorry.

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Gwyneth Paltrow is back with her GOP Holiday Gift Guides which feature things 99% of you cannot afford … like a $100,000 custom concrete self-heating tub. Or maybe you’d like the Tsuchiya Kaban “Watermelon Bag” which is yours for … oops, the price is only given “on request.” 

But look, Gwynnie is a One-Percenter of the people and has added a ‘Poor People Section’ Gwynnie called the ‘Under-$100” where you can find the Vesper Vibrator … it starts as a necklace and turns into a vibrator with one click! A vibrator to wear around your neck? How GOOP. But in GOOP’s ‘Lovers Gift Guide’ she goes one better, and offers a ring that is also … wait for it … a vibrator.

Jewelry to get your rocks off!

But in case you don’t like jewelry in your cooch, GOOP also offers a $2,000 Edie Parker Ouija board to summon only the best demons to your manse. Or, the over-priced Monopoly “sculpting bar” for your face, which also vibrates; an over-priced puzzle; over-priced baby clothes; a $12,000 hover-board/surfboard. And finally, a hideous Gucci chair, which is maybe what you sit on when you take off your rings and necklaces, shove them in your nether regions, and then set them to high vibrate?

Now you know what to do with that stimulus check!

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Oh, dear goddess, this Mo’Nique vs. Oprah feud is still going on, only now it may have really jumped the shark. It seems Mo’Nique went after Oprah for putting Breonna Taylor on the cover of O magazine, after decades of only Oprah—and the occasional friend—gracing the cover. So Mo’Nique opened her cake-hole to say that O only put Breonna on the cover because she’s a murder victim, and because Oprah is a murderer who … wait for it … it’s a reach … but not for Mo’Nique … killed Mo’Nique’s career:

“A sister that was murdered and Oprah Winfrey took a stand and said ‘we gotta get justice' [but she] took part in murdering my career.”

A brief history of the Mo’Nique-Oprah feud? It started in 2010 when Oprah had Mo’Nique’s estranged parents and brothers—one of whom molested Mo’Nique—on her show. Mo’Nique saw this as a betrayal and told Oprah she was hurt and O gave the standard faux-pology, “If you think I did something wrong, then I apologize." But then Mo'’Nique accused Oprah of helping Lee Daniels blackball her for not playing the Hollywood game. And Mo’Nique called her out for condemning Harvey Weinstein but giving alleged sexual assaulters like Michael Jackson and Russell Simmons a break because of their race. But Oprah’s standard reply is that she remains silent to rise above Mo’Nique’s “negative energy.”

Seriously, what a bitch response. Now y’all know there’s no love lost between Oprah and me, but even this is a step too far. Mo’Nique doesn’t need a ‘come to Jesus moment;’ as much as she needs a come to your sense’s moment.

And Oprah should just go away.

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There’s some more drama going on around Hillsong Church, the church popular with Justin Bieber and Chris Pratt, only this time it isn’t because of the church’s ALLEGEDLY anti-gay sentiments, but because the pastor of the church, and The Biebs homie, Carl Lentz ALLEGEDLY stuck his dick into someone other than his wife. The church claims Lentz suffered a “moral failure” and has been let go from the church.

Founder of Hillsong, Brian Houston, announced Carl’s firing in a statement:

“Today Hillsong Church East Coast advised our congregation that we have terminated the employment of Pastor Carl Lentz. This action was not taken lightly and was done in the best interests of everyone, including Pastor Carl. [This comes after] ongoing discussions in relation to leadership issues and breaches of trust, plus a recent revelation of moral failures.”

Houston said it would “not be appropriate” to detail what led to Carl getting the boot but I can: Carl was ALLEGEDLY fired for being pro-BLM and “soft” on both abortion and LGBTQIA issues, though there are those who will gossip and say it was more alcohol and drug-related issues or Lentz has a porn addiction and cheated on his wife.

Or maybe all of the above.

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Now, while this isn’t gossip, because it’s true, I will end with a comment from My-Husband-In-My-Head, Randy Andy Cooper.

On Thursday night, _____ delivered a speech in which he claimed that the election was being stolen from him. Cable news networks swiftly denounced the president’s lies, with MSNBC, NBC, ABC, and CBS all cutting away from the press conference while it was still in progress, and even Fox News, which continued to carry the briefing, said there was no evidence of fraud. CNN anchors Jake Tapper called _____ “pathetic” while Dana Bash called him “dangerous” and “nonsensical,” but it was Anderson Cooper who said:

“That is the president of the United States. That is the most powerful person in the world. We see him like an obese turtle on his back flailing in the hot sun, realizing his time is over.”

Oh, I love a sassy Husband-In-My-Head.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

When Pamela Anderson married her long-ago-ex-boyfriend—they dated in the 80s—she crafted a poem about their union as “God’s plan.”

Oops, said God. See, Pam and Jon, each married five times, have split up after 12 days of their God’s plan marriage.

Now Pammy’s saying more nonsense:

“I have been moved by the warm reception to Jon and my union. We would be very grateful for your support as we take some time apart to re-evaluate what we want from life and from one another. Life is a journey and love is a process. With that universal truth in mind, we have mutually decided to put off the formalization of our marriage certificate and put our faith in the process. Thank you for respecting our privacy.”

Take time off? The thirty years between first date and marriage wasn’t enough time?

Bitch please.

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Speaking of other failed marriages, there are still court cases being fought between Johnny Depp and his ex-wife Amber Heard that  have lasted longer than the marriage. Seriously, the Depp-Heard split is a rumor monger’s delight, filled with accusations of physical and emotional abuse, domestic terrorism, and drug and alcohol use.

Depp is currently suing Heard for $50 million claiming defamation for an op-ed she wrote about surviving his ALLEGED domestic abuse that he claims got him fired from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Yeah, like the world was ready for another one of those. Probably not, but we do have a “leaked” audio recording from a 2015 couples therapy session in which Heard ALLEGEDLY confesses to physically abusing Johnny, admitting that she hit Johnny—she did not’ however, “punch him”—and threw pots and pans at him and then he pushed her.

Gosh, aren’t they lovely? She says, on the tape:

Heard: “I’m sorry that I didn’t, uh, uh, hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine, I did not hurt you, I did not punch you, I was hitting you. You poke an animal enough, it is eventually, it doesn’t matter how friendly it is, it’s not cool.”

Here’s a little more of their co-dependent, um, “love”:

Depp: If things get physical, we have to separate. We have to be apart from one another. Whether it’s for fucking an hour or 10 hours or fucking a day. We must, there can be no physical violence towards each other.

Heard: I agree about the physical violence, but separating for a day, taking a night off from our marriage?

Depp: All I’m saying is we need to take whatever time we need. You need, I need, to kind of let things settle for a minute. So that we don’t fucking kill each other or fucking worse, you know, fucking really kill each other or fucking break up or whatever.

Heard: I can’t promise that it will all be perfect. I can’t promise you I won’t get physical again. God I fucking sometimes I get so mad I lose it. I can fucking promise you I will do everything to change. I promise you. I’m not going to throw around divorce I will not say divorce unless I really mean it.

Depp: I love you and I want you to be my wife. And I want to be your husband. And I wanna be a good husband. If I haven’t been, I’ll do everything I can to find out how to be a good husband.

Seriously, this is their love story? A judge should kick both their asses to the curb and threaten to sue each of them if they ever file suit again.

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In case you missed it, one of the stories going around about the Superbowl that wasn’t about the Stripper Show Halftime, is the story of media whores Jaz-Z and Beyoncé sitting down during the National Anthem.

Let’s back up for a moment … Jay-Z’s company Roc Nation signed a deal with the NFL to produce events like the Super Bowl Halftime Show and help them with “social justice” issues. Many people saw this as Jay-Z turning his back on people like former NFL player Colin Kaepernick, who shone a spotlight on police brutality by kneeling during The National Anthem at games, for the sake of more and more coins. Despite criticism from Colin himself suggesting it was just another billionaire selling out, Jay-Z promised this was about the people!

Now, the Superbowl: Roc Nation ALLEGEDLY clashed with Jennifer Lopez about her using children in cages during her Halftime Show To make a statement about the border crisis because they—by they I mean Jay-Z—wanted zero displays of political commentary during the event. But then came the photo of the Carters sitting down during the anthem.

Jay says nothing could be further from the truth, y’all. They stayed seated because they were discussing the art of a Superbowl experience, and when asked if sitting down was a statement, Jay says he and Beyoncé were focused on the show at hand with Beyoncé relaying to him important technical aspects of the show because, you know, she “performed at the Super Bowl before, and I haven’t. We immediately jumped into artist mode… I’m really just looking at the show. The mics start. Was it too low to start?”

Nice spin, but you stayed seated. At least when Colin Kaepernick takes a knee it’s for a protest; your sitting was to discuss the show?

Take a permanent seat, y’all.

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Mo’Nique has been mad at Oprah for a loooong time now and it shows no signs of subsiding. She has accused Oprah of helping Lee Daniels to blackball her for not doing unpaid press for Precious … ten years ago … and she ALLEGES that Oprah screwed her over financially and personally. And now she’s got a new log to toss on the fire …

Mo’Nique is going after Oprah over her backing off from a planned Russell Simmons documentary, by writing a long-winded open letter on social media:

Dear [Oprah],I felt compelled to write you this open letter after observing the disparity in the way that you seem to treat people, who were accused of the same allegations.

You did an interview on the CBS Morning Show and were asked about Harvey Weinstein by Norah O’Donnell, and you said as it pertained to him that you “always try to look at the Rainbow in the clouds, whatever is the “silver lining”.

You also said “if we make this all about Harvey Weinstein then we have lost the moment”. When you either are, or were going to be a part of documentary on Michael Jackson, and Russell Simmons, how is that not making it all about them? Interestingly, Brother M.J. was acquitted, and deceased, so how is he not off limits? Russell and Harvey are accused of the same thing so in fairness how do you not “support” the accusers of both as you said you did with R.S. or you look for the silver lining for both like you said you did for H.W.?

The only difference between the two is there skin color and doesn’t H.W. have way more accusers? My personal experience with you is you’ve watched me as a black women be accused of being difficult for not promoting “Precious” internationally for Lions Gate, at Lions Gate, Tyler Perry and your request, despite the fact my deal was with Lee Daniels Entertainment. And, how are you for black women when you hear Tyler on audio saying I was right and he was going to speak up but you or him still haven’t said a word? When I was sixteen and I meet you at your local show in Baltimore, I told you I wanted to be just like you when I grew up. You responded, “ you have to work really really hard”. My sixteen year old self didn’t know that you in your silence in the face of wrongdoing, would make my life “harder”. Lastly, please consider standing by the people who are right and not just the “right people”. Love you to life,

Mo’Nique

Mo’Nique, honey, move on. It’s been ten years and every time you spew your venom, you give new life to the story. And if you think that you will ever get an apology from Oprah Fucking Winfrey you are seriously confused. That bitch don’t apologize; she just sells more Weight Watchers and puts more coins in the bank.

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Erykah Badu is trying to give Gwyneth Paltrow, and GOOP, a run for their money. Badu is launching The Badu WorldBecause Market, an online store that will sell “bespoke clothing and accessories, as well as apothecary goods and traditional music merch.” 

But it’s not the clothing so much as it is the used clothing, in general, and Badu’s underwear in particular. Yes, she will be selling her worn panties online in a new and totally GOOP way because, well, let’s let Erykah explain:

“There’s an urban legend that my pussy changes men. The men that I fall in love with, and fall in love with me, change jobs and lives. [So] I took lots of pairs of my panties, cut them up into little pieces and burned them. Even the ash is part of it.”

The ‘it’ in question is an incense called “Badu’s Pussy.”

So, light a GOOP candle and some Badu incense and the smell of vagina will fill your house.

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I Ain't One To Gossip But ...

This past season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills saw the exit of fan favorite—and my personal BFF-In-My-Head—Lisa Vanderpump. But fear not, RHoBH fans, someone has stepped forward to say she would like to fill LVP’s stilettoes.

Tori Spelling. I know! Spelling recently sat down with Jenny McCarthy on her SiriusXM show to promote yet another reboot of BH90210 to say she’d be perfect for the RHoBH franchise. Yeah, maybe if they renamed it Brokeass Housewives Who Used To Live In Beverly Hills But Now Live In The Valley.

Take a seat, Tori. I’ll be the newest housewife on that show before they ever call you.

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Ever since Faye Dunaway played Joan Crawford I feel as if she’s been possessed by the former movie star. I mean, she’s turned into a raging diva and now she’s been fired from an upcoming Broadway show.

A one-woman show! They fired the only person in the cast! Dunaway was supposed to play Katharine Hepburn in the one-woman show Tea at Five and now she’s been let go, dumped, fired, canned because she couldn’t work well with others.

The producers announced that they have “terminated” their “relationship ” with Dunaway and there are loads of ALLEGED reasons … like the night Dunaway attacked crew members as they tried to put on her wig … like the night a performance was canceled because Dunaway slapped and threw things at crew members who were trying to put on her wig … like her constant tardiness … like her demand that no one wear white in rehearsals because it distracted her … like her rambling, angry voicemails to the creative team … like the photo shoot where she ALLEGEDLY fed her salad to the floor because she was trying to lose weight  and said the salad would be better on the floor than in her hand.

When Dunaway began to lose more and more weight, an assistant thought that it was due to her not taking her meds and producers called Actors’ Equity to see if it was “ethical” to put an actress in her state on stage every night; Actors’ Equity ruled that it was because she went on that night, but the crazy continued.

Dunaway refused to learn her lines and 98% of the script was fed to her through an earpiece … much like Crawford did in the last years of her career. And then came the full Mommie Dearest moment when she demanded that staffers at the Huntington Theater get down on their hands and knees and scrub the floor of her dressing room; she ALLEGEDLY threw mirrors, combs and boxes of hairpins at the staff of the theater and then pulled all the gray hairs out of that wig she couldn’t get into without help because she wanted to play a younger version of Hepburn than the playwright had written.

As I said, Possessed By Crawford. Maybe someone should write that play and then just let Faye run with it?

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We’ve all heard about what a diva Constance Wu has become, from throwing a TwitFit™ after learning that the show that made her a mediocre star, Fresh  Off The Boat, was renewed and now there’s talk that she was a menace on the set of  JLo’s newest movie bomb, Hustlers. Wu ALLEGEDLY demanded top billing over Lopez, who is not only the star of the dud, but a producer as well.

In fact, Wu was labeled a bigger diva than both JLo and her other co-star Cardi B.

Seriously, how much of a menace are you that people complain more about you than JLo or Cardi?

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For the past few years Mo’Nique has been waging a war against Oprah Winfrey, Lee Daniels and Tyler Perry for ALLEGEDLY being blackballed in Hollywood after winning an Oscar for Precious. She accused Daniels and Perry of treating her poorly and keeping her from getting work by calling her “difficult.” And while many thought her beef with Big O was Oprah not liking that Mo’Nique was speaking her mind, now comes the real tea: her anger comes from an interview Oprah did with her conniving family back in 2010.

Apparently Mo’Nique and her family do not get along, and she told this to Oprah after being approached by Winfrey’s show about having her brother Gerald Imes on for an interview. Mo’ has been vocal about the sexual abuse she suffered from Gerald as a child and declined to be a part of the interview. But then she learned that not only was Oprah having Imes on, but had also invited her parents and another brother to join the interview:

“Now the reason why that means so much is because in the conversation we had about my brother, we then went deeper and we began to talk about our relationships with our mothers and our fathers, and I shared my relationship with her about my mother. I shared with her that me and my mother were not talking. I shared with her that we were in a really bad place. I shared with her that I was hurt and trying to figure this thing out. She never said my mother was coming on the show, because had she, Oprah Winfrey, said ‘I’m going to have your mother,’ I would have said, ‘Shut it down.’ … I don’t need the world seeing how greedy my mother is.”

Mo’Nique’s husband/manager Sidney Hicks thought she should confront Oprah at the time, but she didn’t until.years later at an Oscar party hosted by Alfre Woodard:

“I looked to Oprah Winfrey and I said, ‘You know you and I need to have this conversation. Why would you have my mother on your show? … How could you have my mother on your show? That’s not what we discussed.’”

And Oprah, being so full of herself, and processed cheese, said:

“If you think I did something wrong, then I apologize.”

Not an apology, but a faux-pology; an O-pology, because Oprah can do no wrong in her own bloated head.

And so Mo’Nique will be carrying that grudge until she gets a public apology from Oprah. And it’ll be a cold day in Hell before Winfrey does that … unless her handlers refuse to give her any more second helpings.

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Not a good summer for Katy Perry and it makes me so sad … bwahahahahaha!

Perry found out she was on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars after it was revealed that she ripped off a Christian rock song for her song Dark Horse.

And then, Josh Kloss, one of the male models from one of Katy’s earliest hits, Teenage Dream, revealed that working with Perry, even all those years ago, was horrible and awkward and that Katy humiliated him by exposing his junk to people at a party. Josh took his Perry beef to Instagram:

“You know. After I met Katy, we sang a worship song, “open the eyes of my heart” She was cool and kind. When other people were around she was cold as ice even called the act of kissing me “gross” to the entire set while filming.

…

So I saw Katy a couple times after her break up with Russel [sic] This one time I brought a friend who was dying to meet her. It was Johny Wujek’s birthday party at moonlight roller way. And when I saw her, we hugged and she was still my crush. But as I turned to introduce my friend, she pulled my Adidas sweats and underwear out as far as she could to show a couple of her guy friends and the crowd around us, my penis.

I just say this now because our culture is set on proving men of power are perverse. But females with power are just as disgusting.”

I was feeling bad for Josh, being treated like that by a hack like Katy Perry, but he lost me when he also claimed that … ick … Kim Kardastrophe and That Woman are much kinder people and deserve the Katy-stans support more than Katy does.

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Meanwhile, back to Joan Crawford 2.0, AKA Faye Dunaway.

After being fired from her one-woman show, Dunaway is also being sued by her former personal assistant, Michael Rocha, for the way she treated him.

Rocha, who is gay, says Dunaway berated him constantly, calling him “a little homosexual boy” and that when he complained, he was fired.

Rocha began working for Dunaway when she began working on Tea at Five and was tasked with shopping, helping Dunaway take her meds, arranging her schedule and getting her to and from rehearsals.

Rocha now ALLEGES that Dunaway “regularly and relentlessly subjected plaintiff to abusive demeaning tirades” and used his sexual orientation as a gay man to “demean and humiliate him at work.” He says Dunaway called him and other workers “little gay people” and later that month called him “a little homosexual boy.”

And he has her on tape saying it. Rocha reported it to the general manager and general counsel for the one-woman play, and gave them the tape of the offensive comment. Two weeks later he was told that Dunaway “is not comfortable with you anymore” and he was fired.

Luckily, perhaps, he got some sort of revenge, because a few weeks after his termination, the producers sent Faye Dunaway packing. And now she’ll have even fewer coins to offer up in Rocha’s lawsuit.

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