Okay, so I've made my share of Lindsay Lohan jokes. I've probably made more than my share. Sue me. But now, Lohan is getting out of rehab, and I have a wee bit of advice for the former actress turned wacktress.
Stay away from Oprah. Don't give us Lohan interviews where you blame everyone for your troubles, or tell us that everyone goes through their rough patches.
At twenty-four, though you look twice that age, there are few "troubled" girls who have attempted their sixth stint at rehab, so, take responsibility, Lindsay. You effed up. Pay the price, knock it off, and move on.
Or don't, and become just another casualty of a self-involved, self-entitled starlet who threw it all away on an eightball and some prescription meds.
And, while you're shutting up, pass the word along to your mother and father who spend more time trying to diminish your crimes, all of them from theft to car-jacking to kidnapping to speeding to being a drug addict and alcoholic, than they spend trying to be parents.
Tell them to shut up. This isn't normal teenage girl growing pains because, well, you aren't a normal teenage girl. Hell, you aren't even a teenager. You're mid-forties, or something.
So, Lindsay.....Linds.....stay quiet. Stay out of the public eye. Stay clean. Stay sober and stay out of trouble. See, if you don't, I'll be right back on here documenting your every night club stumble, and ankle bracelet alarm and car crash and drug test and Fuck You manicure.