Tuesday, January 18, 2011

A Golden Stream Of Conscousness

First off, Ricky Gervais?
I mean, come on, he's been banned from hosting the Globes because of the joke he made about having to pull the president of the Hollywood Foreign Press off the toilet and put his teeth back in. I know! Don't these people realize that when you hire Ricky Gervais, you are going to get his kind of material?
That's Ricky Gervais.
Get used to it. His humor is the Oh My God Did He Just Say That And I Just Laughed At It kind. And no one does it better. The Charlie Sheen jokes were spot-on. The heterosexual actors playing gay being quite the opposite of some Scientologists was also hysterical. I mean, if you don't know who he's talking about it isn't funny, but, man oh man, if you do, it's a riot. I even liked his Cher rant, about not wanting to see Cher in concert because it's not 1975, and y'all know I loves me some Cher. So, Hollywood Foreign Press, strap on some balls and dust off your sense of humor. Ricky was a riot.
The first award of the night, and I love that they get right to it, was for Best Supporting Actor in a Film, and it went to my Husband-in-My-Head and ISBL hottie, Christian Bale, for The Fighter. Bale is a brilliant actor, yet gets overlooked because he yelled at an electrician on a movie set. Okay, it was a brilliantly rabid rant, but still, let's talk about his films. And his accent--how do I love a man with an accent--and his hotness.
The Best Actress in a TV Drama went to Katey Sagal, looking hot in orange. I love Katey Sagal, though I hated Married With Children; she's fantastic in Sons of Anarchy, and she's got a rockin' bod and a rockin' voice. She just plain rocks.
Julianne Moore came out in some hideous outfit; seriously. I'd pay good money to have Julianne Moore read to me, even one of Mama Grizzly Bore's 'books,' but I will never understand how she looks at a dress and says, Wow, I love it. This one shouldered-sheet-looking-monstrosity was a nightmare. She was there to present  Best Mini-series or TV Movie, and it went to something called Carlos, which I'd never heard about. So, I drifted off into my own mind, sitting Julianne down and telling her to rethink her fashion choices, while the winners spoke, but then I caught a glimpse of the guy in the back.
Edgar Ramirez, who apparently played Carlos. Hot.Tee. Latino. Hot. Tee. My favorite kind. Note to self: look for Carlos....the movie. I've already seen Carlos, the husband, which I love.
Best Supporting Actor in TV Comedy. Chris Colfer. Glee! I loved his speech, and I loved the fact that he stood up, out in public, in your face, for bullied kids. He is living proof that it does get better, and I think he should, next year, be up for Best Actor, because he, for me, has become one of the stars of Glee.
Michelle Pfeiffer trotted out next and she has taken over Nicky Kidman's reign as the Botox queen.
I mean, come on, I've seen more facial movements on Mount Rushmore than I saw on the pface of Pfeiffer.
The Best Actor in a TV Drama went to Steve Buscemi--whom I love--for the Boardwalk Empire--which I've never seen. Still, I was glad he won, because he's really good in everything and quite underrated. What he also is, is the spitting image of Don Knotts. Make a bio-film about Knotts, please. Or better yet, remake The Ghost and Mister Chicken, Steve.
Andrew Garfield wobbled out to introduce The Social Network, and wobbled all over his words. Cute, but nervous, or cute but a little drunk. i love that about the Globes.
Alec Baldwin is funny. Jennifer Lopez is not. Even when you make her present with Baldwin. I think Jenny should return to the block.
Best Song went to Dianne Warren for 'You Haven't Seen The Last Of Me' sung by Cher in Burlesque. Loved that song. Love Cher. And I hope we haven't see the last of her on film. The Best Score went to Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross for The Social Network. I'll admit I didn't see this because a movie about FaceBook didn't interest me. Now, it does.
Justin Bieber? WTF is Justin Bieber doing there besides looking entirely out of place, like a kid who was attending a Bar Mitzvah in the hotel, went to the john, and then took a wrong turn. Awk.Ward.
I loved Gervais' intro of Robert Downey Jr, and the list of RDJR films, Bowfinger, Two Girls and a Guy, Ironman, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and wondering if they were all porn films; because they could have been. And, had they starred RDJR, I might have actually seen some of them. Of course, I loved RDJR talking about how no actress is worth her salt until they've slept with him, and then proceeding to talk about "giving it" to all five nominees, on the stage, Right in front of his wife.
The Golden Globe, that is.
And the winner of Best Actress in a Movie Comedy was Annette Bening, who apparently raided Judy Garland's closet for an old gown from the Judy Garland Show circa 1963, then topped it off with Judy's old hair and Drew Carey's glasses. Now, Bening might be a good actress--I loved her in American Beauty--but she has the personality of soap. For an actress she displays almost no emotion when she wins; it's all business, and it's all boring. Except when she thanked the winner of the 1962 Globe for Best Newcomer, her 200-year-old husband, Warren Beatty. That elicited a giggle.
Sylvester Stallone. Giving Pfeiffer a run for the Botox.
Best Actor in a TV Movie. Idris Elba. No, he didn't win, but he sure is hot, and so I wanted him to win, until they panned over to another nominee, Latino Hottie Edgar Ramirez, and then I wanted him to win. Alas, it went to Al Pacino, who looked a little less plastic surgeried than he has in recent years. Apparently, Pfeiffer and Stone, Sly that is, are hogging all the appointments.
Best Actress in a TV Movie went to Claire Danes for Temple Grandin. Also nominated was Judy Dench. And Jennifer Love Hewitt. Seriously, How could anyone mention Jennifer Love DesperateForAttention's nomination for her I Played a Prostitute for Lifetime, in the same breath as Judy Dench or Claire Danes.
Now that's comedy.
Best Screenplay went to The Social network. I really need to see this if it's gonna win everything, and I started to leave myself a note, but then the Chris', Hemsworth and Evans, or Thor and Captain America as I like to call them when i'm daydreaing about them, came onstage and I forgot what I was doing. 
Best Supporting Actress in TV Comedy went to Jane Lynch of Glee! I was gleeful, and she was fabulous, and thanked her wife and her two kids, Take that homophobes.
Robert Pattinson came out; he is the new King Of The Overrated. Not nearly as hot as people wanna say, and not nearly as talented. When the vampire bit fizzles, so will his career.
Best Actress in a TV Comedy went to Laura Linney for The Big C which is one of the best shows on TV. She is fabulous in it, and fabulous in everything she does. But she wasn't there and I was mad so.....
Best Actor in a TV Comedy went to ALLEGEDLY gay Jim Parson s from The Big Bang Theory. I have friends who swear this show is the funniest on TV, and yet every time I try to watch it, I get about a minute into it and I'm bored. Just sayin.
Best Supporting Actress went to Melissa Leo for The Fighter, which I also haven't seen, but, well, even though it has Christian Bale in it, I may wait for it to come to my TV. Seven-fifty to see a movie is a lot, you know.
Best Director went to David Fincher for The Social Network. I need to see this, or at least update my status about it.
Best TV Series goes to Glee. Now, i would have been happy with a Modern Family win, but I think Glee is really riding the fame game right now. I just hope they don't start going all Guest Star Of The Week Every Week; that gets old. Except when I hear that Anne Hathaway will be coming on the show to play Kurt's lesbian aunt. That's must see TV.
Best Actor in a Movie comedy went to Paul Giamatti., for a film I've never heard of, and I still don't know the name, though he did beat out a double dose of Depp, Johnny Depp.
Best Actress in a Movie, Drama, went to Natalie Portman for The Black Swan. Now, I've seen this one, and it's wonderful, It isn't you typical here's-the-story-and-we'll-tie-it-up-in-a-nice-little-bundle-for-you. You have to think--and I know how hard that can be--and you sort of get to decide for yourself how it ended, and what exactly happened. Carlos and I are still talking about this one. And I loved that Portman said that the father of her baby is the actor/dancer who, in the film, when asked if he would wanted to f**k Portman's character, said No. Portman said it just showed what a great actor her boyfriend can be.,
Best Movie Comedy went to The Kids Are Alright, which I'd see for Julianne Moore, but avoid for Annette Bening, but see for Mark Ruffalo, so, well, I may have to see it. Those darn lesbian movies don't play long in South Homophobia, er, Carolina.
Best Actor in a Movie, Drama, went to Colin Firth for The King's Speech, which we also just saw, and I will say, Colin Firth deserved it. He also deserved it for A Single Man, from last year, which was a fabulous film. But Speech is funny and touching and dark and sad and really really good. I only wish Geoffrey Rush had gotten the Globe for his role because he was spectacular, as was Helena Bonham Carter.
Best Film, Drama went to....yawn....The Social Network, and again, well, you know.
So, Ricky ended the show nicely, though his last words I found brilliant:
I'd like to thank god for making me an atheist.
So, what did I learn?
The Hollywood Foreign Press needs to think about who they've hired to host, so their don't get their old man panties in a bunch next year.
Julianne Moore needs to find a new stylist.
I need to see The Social Network.
We need more Cher.


D said...

Hilarious and insightful review... walk, don't run, to see Social Network... it's one of those things like the rubik's cube... it's cool to know how it came about but tedious to get through and it'll end up in a drawer. It's much more suited for an episode of "How'd They Do That" or "How It's Made" on the History Channel... but shouldn't have won.

robertga99 said...

Trust me...You need to see "The Kids Are All Right". It's a great movie AND Mark Ruffalo has some hot sex scenes where you see a lot of him

Stan in NH said...

Thanks for the update. This is wonderful summary, and so very very funny. I loved reading it.

Yes, I agree, you shoudl see The Kids are Alright. Annette is even more irritating on screen, but you'll love Julianne and Mark! I think she dresses better in the movie, than at the awards. And Annette? Well, see the movie and report about it. Please.

And I think the Social Network will be worth the watch. I am eager to see it. But I like those geeky things.

We want to see The King's Speech, too. Love those period pieces.

I am eagerly anticipating your Oscar report. We won't watch, so we'll need your play by hysterical play, so we can feel like we were there. :)

paul said...

I avoid award shows, but knowing that Ricky was going to be allowed to run loose, made me want to see it and he didn't disappoint. I don't think that Hollywood knew how to take his humor. One very sure thing: No one can complain that the show was boring. Can't wait to see Ricky on Piers Morgan's show on CNN this week. Ricky, I'm sure, will tell it like it is.

Marian said...

Thanks for a great post, very witty. I was so happy that Colin Firth won for best actor and I agree that he should have won for "A Single Man" last year. I must say that I didn't like "The Social Network" very much..I thought the whole movie was kind of "soulless"...but maybe that was the point.

Robyn said...

I really want to see The Kids Are Alright but I missed it in the theatre. As for the fashions, I didn't see a single one I really loved.

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Cubby said...

The best part of the Golden Globes show was the 61 minutes Ricky went missing. Sorry Bob, but we differ on this. There's a fine line between funny and mean, and Ricky went over to the mean side a little too often.

It's kind of cool having Netflix at my disposal. Every time an interesting movie was mentioned I put it in my queue straight away. I ended up adding about 40!

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