I Ain't One To Gossip, But.....

I admit it, I'm a fan of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. Mostly because of Brit diva Lisa Vanderpump, but still.....

And I jumped on the I Hate Camille Grammer bandwagon because she seemed like such a snobby self-entitled, former porn star who married a rich TV guy, had someone bear him two children and then found herself being traded in for a younger version. Yeah, lots of reasons to dislike Camille, including her demands for spousal support and child support that were beyond extraordinary.
But now I'm feeling a little less I Hate Camille Grammer, and a little more I Hate Kelsey Grammer, mostly because of his recent child custody request.
See, it seems Kelsey, who lives in Chicago with the fourth, but not last, Missus Grammer, filed a motion asking for full custody of his two children. He offered Camille the chance to have them half of each summer, and half of their school breaks., The details on who would get custody of the four nannies that care for the two wee Grammers was not released.
Camille fired back, asking for sole custody herself, saying the kids have always lived in California, have friends, family, nannies, sitters, bodyguards, cooks and chauffeurs in California, and the trauma of moving to Chi-town might be too much. And then, she released a letter from Kelsey that made him seem more of the asshat than she.
In the letter, written just last month, and sent from Kelsey's team of lawyers to Camille's gaggle of attorneys,  he actually offered to solve the problem by taking just one of the children.
Seriously.
Kesley wants his son to live with him full time and his daughter, what's-her-name, to stay in Malibu with Camille. Note to Kelsey: these are children, not cars. You can't say I'll take that one and you can have the other. I never thought Camille would come out looking like the decent parent in this, but, yes, I was wrong.

We haven't heard much from the OctoMom lately......Thank God....but suddenly she's back in the news, again, for falling behind on mortgage payments. Again! 

And is she pounding the pavement looking for a job, or two, to dig herself out of the situation she created for herself by having something like twenty children as a single mom?
Heavens no!
OctoMom AKA Nadya Suleman AKA Giant Asshatted Media Whore will be holding a......wait for it.....it's good........it's coming........a bikini car wash to raise money to save her house. And she's enlisted the aid of one of Charlie Sheen's many hooker-porn star girlfriends to help.
Yes, Capri Anderson, Miss I am Not A Hooker, I'm A Porn Star, will be washing cars with Octo, alongside reality whore Tia Tequila, Reggie Bush's former mistress January Gessert and Mel Gibson's ALLEGED next baby mama, Violet Kowal.
Whores washing cars!
Octo will hold her car wash on June 18, and, if such things tickle your interests, it will cost you $20 bucks for the wash, or $30 if you have an SUV.
Kisses and blow jobs are, of course, extra.

Looks like JLo is a little behind the times.

An LA judge has just ruled that one of JLo's ex-husbands, or ex-boyfriends, Ojani Noa, will be allowed to release home video of the singer shot while they were married. Yes. A JLo sex tape. Call it Booty On Fire or Jenny On My Cock or Open My Fly, Girl.
Okay, I'll stop.
And the bidding war has begun between porn companies hoping to purchase and distribute the, um, intimate home video. Noa's business manager, Ed Meyer, says bids were starting "in the hundreds of thousands," and the final price was expected to be in the millions.
Seriously, to watch JLo bang a guy from the 1990s, unless, it's, um, that guy?
But Meyer says, "I've gotten emails from Pornhub, YouPorn, Pulse Distribution, Red Light District and Kevin Blatt, who brokered Paris Hilton's sex tape. If an offer looks good, we'll definitely take it."

JLo is said to be distraught, or at least feign being distraught, because she'd long assumed that her ex wouldn't be able to release their sex tape because he'd signed a confidentiality agreement which would ban him from making such private material public.
Sidenote: nothing says love like a signed confidentiality agreement.
But Noa, making an end run around JLo's expansive end, recently sold the video to his current girlfriend, who is working with a distributor to release the film, and that LA judge says this plan is perfectly legal.
So, will you see JBlo? What about Made In Manhattan? The Back Door Plan?
Okay, I'll seriously stop.

Poor Whitney.
On the heels of dreadful, off-key, out-of-sorts, and, oftentimes, canceled live performances, and in addition to her recent re-admittance to a rehab program for drug abuse, Whitney Houston now ALLEGEDLY has a much more serious battle on her hands.

According to the National Enquirer--Yes, I know, but they did break the John Edwards story--doctors informed the singer that she is suffering from early stages of emphysema, which might be a reason of her recent spate of less than stellar performances.
According to a friend--and by friend, I mean the awful person who would say such things to the Enquirer--"She's developed emphysema--and her doctors are warning her she'll die a horrible death."
According to the "story", doctors have told Houston that if she does not completely kick her smoking habit, the disease will take her life. And the task of weening her off the cigarettes has fallen on the shoulders of Whitney's recently released from rehab for her own addiction problems, daughter, Bobbi Kristina.
But Whitney's people are fighting back. Her rep, Kristen Foster, is now calling the story "completely untrue."
Hopefully the story isn't true, but I wonder. How many times have Whitney's people said she doesn't have a drug problem, and then she goes into rehab for it? I hope this doesn't turn out like that.

Comedy is fun, unless you're a comic that steals jokes.
Or, unless you're Jay Leno, a comic accused of stealing jokes. Again.

It seems that just last week Leno told a joke that was eerily similar to a joke told two days earlier by Andy Levy on 'Red Eye,' an overnight show on the Fox News channel.
You be the judge:
From 'The Tonight Show' on May 26:
Leno: Bad news for the state of California. The Supreme Court will force the state to release something like 46,000 convicts because of prison overcrowding. But the good news – it looks like the Oakland Raiders will have more season ticket holders. Yeah, so the stadium will be packed.
From the 'Red Eye' on May 24:
Levy: Supreme Court orders tens of thousands of California prisoners released. This actually might help the Raiders start selling out their home games again.
'Red Eye' host Greg Gutfeld and Andy Levy actually then joked about Leno's theft of humor this past weekend, when Gutfeld said: "Wow Andy, I can't believe you traveled to the future, stole that joke from Jay, then traveled back to tell it on 'Red Eye.'"
Andy Levy then joked, "Look, what's the point of having a time machine if you're not going to travel to the future, steal jokes from Jay Leno then travel back to tell them on 'Red Eye?'"
And they do point out that Leno himself didn't actually steal the joke, but that the theft of humor falls into the laps of his writers.
Still, Jay, get your own material, and some new writers.

They tried to make her go to rehab, but she stopped for vodka on the way and the released herself after just a week. Not as catchy as Amy Winehouse's song, but true none-the-less.

After just one week of treatment for alcohol addiction, Amy Winehouse has checked herself out of rehab. He rep, Chris Goodman, says she is looking forward to touring Europe this summer and "raring to go." He also said the 27-year-old will continue her treatment at the Priory Clinic as an outpatient.
An outpatient?
On tour?
Not drinking?
Am I the only one who sees Whitney Houston in all this?
Winehouse has a well-documented history of drug and alcohol abuse, as well as self-destructive behavior, since she came on the scene big time back in Ott-Seven with her Grammy-winning 'Back to Black' album.
And she's been in out of rehab, and pubs, ever since. Getting help then getting high. Getting help again, then getting drunk.
In fact, London tabloid, The Sun, reported that a bedraggled Winehouse was seen downing a miniature bottle of vodka in London last week, on her way to checking in to rehab.An eyewitness--and by eyewitness, I mean, another drunk looking for mini Voddies--says: "She seemed out of it. She was stumbling about, slurring her words. I was shocked to see her buy vodka so early in the day, and even more shocked to see her knock it straight back."
She said No No No.
 
Well, I'm glad about this because I was worried.
Kim Kardashian is taking her mother's advice after all, and will not--I said WILL NOT--be taking her husband's name when she marries his bank account this year.
See, since there is nothing happening in the world this week, all the news agencies were gleefully reporting that Kim was taking on the surname of her fiance, basketball somebody-or-other, Kris Humphries, but an insider--and by insider, I mean Khloe, who really has nothing better to do than eat and gossip--says: "Kim will not change her last name. It's her brand, and it's her name. It wouldn’t make sense."
And, when she divorces her bank account, er, husband in less than a year she won't have to go to all that legal trouble of changing her name back to KardASSian.