Mom

This is not the kind of anniversary you want to celebrate. I wish it was just another day.
Just Tuesday.

It's been two years today since my Mom passed away from cancer. Two years.

It's been over two years now since I've heard my Mom end a phone call with her usual, Bye bye, sweetie. I could be on the phone with her forever, talking about everything and nothing, and one of us would say, Well, I guess I should go. But then we'd keep talking. Then Mom would say, Well, I should get up and get some things done. And we'd keep talking. It wasn't until my Mom said Bye bye Sweetie that the conversation really was over.

That's the toughest part.
Not hearing the voice.
Not seeing that smile.
Not. Just not.



I've told other people on their blogs that it never gets any easier, but it does get better.
But not today.
Today is not better.
Today is to be quiet and think and remember.



The smell of clam chowder cooking on the stove on a rainy day.
The sight of my Mother blowing snow from their driveway in Blue Canyon.
Books. Housecoats. Phone calls to talk about the Oscars; who wore what; who won; who said what. The sight of her at the stove on Thanksgiving; the smell of turkey and stuffing, and pumpkin pie. Being thankful that she was my mother. Thanks. Full.



My Mom would love my blog, I think, because she used to laugh at my rants; when I went off on a tear about somebody or some thing, some idiot politician, my Mom would look shocked, and say, Bobby!
I imagine she's reading this blog somewhere and saying the same thing now.



So, today is not better.
But tomorrow will be.
Today is for remembering the smiles and the tears; remembering how I thought my Mom looked like a movie star that summer she died her hair really blond. Remembering how she loved to paint, to read, to cook, to have her family around on Thanksgiving.

That's Mom there, after making it through a round of chemo. And that's my uncle, and my aunt, who passed away last Saturday, with my Mom and Dad at a long forgotten party for an anniversary, for a football game, a graduation, for any reason to have good friends and family around and just laugh.

My Father took his wedding ring and Mom's wedding ring and had them soldered together so that he can keep them close to his heart. They were married Fifty-One years, unheard of these days. Fifty-one years side-by-side, loving each other and raising their kids, and loving their kids and teaching their kids. The best lesson I ever got from my Mom and Dad was to be happy; for that's all you really get in life, is to be happy.

Bye bye sweetie.