I Don't Like Labels

I don't wear clothes from Abercrombie & Fitch; I don't own Nikes or Adidas or whatever shoe company is now most popular for using your feet to promote their business. My shirts don't have slogans; my pants aren't commercials.

I don't like labels.

Carlos used to play in a band when we lived in Miami--the Flamingo Freedom Band. It was known as a gay band. They marched in Pride Parades and played at all sorts of events. You didn't have to be gay to be in the band, because that would be illegal, and wrong, but most of the folks in the band were of the homosexual persuasion.

One day, at a rehearsal--I would go while they practiced and listen and read and whatever--I heard one of the guys in the band call himself a gay trumpet player. I found this interesting. He was in a band, rehearsing, playing the trumpet, but he was a gay trumpet player. Carlos and I had a discussion about this on the way home. Carlos, you see, thought of himself a s a trumpet player who was gay.

It doesn't sound like much of a difference, but the way the guy in the band said it, makes it quite exclusionary. Back to them and us.

See, I don't think of myself as gay first. I'm a human being. A human being who is male. A human being who is male and gay. A human being who is male and gay with blue-green eyes. A human being who is male and gay who is six-foot-one. The list goes on.......

Still, you can see how that works. If I start to define myself as gay right off the bat, then I exclude myself from being human and male. And if I don't like being excluded, then how can I be the one doing the excluding? Of course, that doesn't mean that I'm not proud to be gay. But is proud the right word? Am I proud, really, or do I like being gay because it's part of who I am?

Am I proud of being a man? Of having blue-green eyes? Of being six-foot-one? Why must I be proud of the things innately me? Eye-color, height, gender, sexual orientation? Those are things that were decided for me a long time ago, in a town called in utero--we all come from there. So, how can I, or should I, be proud of things about myself I cannot change? Now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change being a human being who is male and gay with blue-green eyes who is six-foot-one. I wouldn't change any of that, even though I could change some aspects of me if I were so inclined--not the gay part or the human part....and maybe not the six-foot-one part.

I like being gay. I like who I am. I like being part of the gay community. I like the struggles of those who came before me, and the hope of those to come. But proud?

Proud I save for accomplishments, whether mine, or human, or male, or gay. I'm proud of the people fighting for gay rights, gay marriage, an end to hate. I'm proud that I am an openly gay male who doesn't feel fear or shame for admitting that to anyone. That was my accomplishment, my pride. Realizing that I'm just fine being gay.

But if you want to smack a label on me, start with human.