I Ain't One To Gossip, But....

Y'all know I'm Team Streep, right? Right?
Well, I am, and this bit of news sounds wonderful.
Apparently Tina Fey has written a new script called Mommy and Me, and Meryl will be playing Tina's mother.
And Stanley Tucci will direct.
Tucci.
Fey.
Streep.
I'm in.
Are you? Well? Are you?

Oh dear, Mama Grizzly Bore must be fit to be tied. Seriously, someone tie her up.
The National Enquirer--I know! But they broke that John Edwards story--is reporting that Bristol Palin's baby daddy, Levi Johnston might just be a baby daddy again. But before you get your abstinence lovin' panties in a twist, the baby momma isn't Bristol.
Nope, Levi tagged his johnston into another girl while he and Grizzly Bore's daughter were, ahem, on a break, and the new baby momma is Levi's former girlfriend, Lanesia Garcia.
What a musical sounding name for such a stupid, stupid girl.
Still, sources--and by sources I mean the Grizzly Bore's Flying Monkeys--say that the baby daddy could be one of Lanesia's ex-boyfriends.
Sheesh. What a web of teen screwing and bodily fluid exchanges. But, Bristol, and The Bore no doubt, are livid about the news. Another source, and this one is the dry cleaner who takes in Lanesia's delicates, I think, says: "[Bristol] just found out about Lanesia's pregnancy and is freaking out. [Levi] told her that getting back with Lanesia wasn't serious--it was brief, just a fling and ended months ago. But Bristol is questioning the engagement. She's really jealous. Lanesia's planning to do a paternity test after the baby is born. She's extremely embarrassed she doesn't know who the father is." Yeah.
That is embarrassing.

From the American Idol Newsroom:
Courtney Love is in talks to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol. So, however, is my mailman, the lady at the deli counter at Kroger, and the drunk guy who lives under the bridge down by the WalMart.
Still, Jessica "Dimbulb" Simpson, Howard "Dear God No" Stern, Bret "I Need More Media Coverage" Michaels, Chris "Snooze" Isaak, Elton "I'd Only Do It If The Money Was REALLY Good And No Illegal Immigrants Could Watch It" John, and Justin "So Gay" Timberlake.
Out of all of them, Courtney, however would be the best because you'd never know if you were gonna get crazy Courtney or sane Courtney.

And this just in from the Idol Hotline:

Ellen is gone.

Ellen DeGeneres is leaving because she didn't like judging and being harsh. And probably because that awful Nigel Lythgoe is coming on board. I don't blame her a bit; Idol is like the Titanic: it's going down and there isn't any great jewelry to be found.

And, as if that's not bad enough, Kara DioGuardi has reportedly been fired so she'll go back to being a nobody. That leaves us the dawg, Randy Jackson.

So? Randy, Courtney and Elton? Randy, Simpson and Isaak?

Nope. The money seems to be on Randy, Jennifer Lopez, and Steven Tyler.

I'm done. I can take Randy, but JNo? No. Not someone with an ego as big as her ass. Plus you just know she'd wanna sing a couple of times during the season, hell, each episode, and then beg to have her husband, Skeletor, sing, too.

And Steven Tyler? Before, during or after rehab?

This has trainwreck written all over it and not the good kind of trainwreck, you know, where no one dies and there's free cheese on the ground.

I like Leonardo DiCaprio. He's talented, compassionate, cute, and smart. He drives a Prius. But, it's the smart part I'm lovin' right about now.

See, Leo was supposed to be in the next Mel Gibson disaster, er, movie, and he decided that it was better to go all Nancy Reagan and Just Say No.

Leo was set to star in MELtdown's next ::::yawn:::: epic, a viking picture, but decided he doesn't need the kind of exposure one gets from being around Gibson. You know, death threats and such.

Smart move, Leo.

But I pray Mel doesn't have your cell phone number because I'd hate to see the messages he'd be leaving you.

Oh Dear God.

Is this how you get an acting career these days? Especially when your father is Laurence Fishburne?

It seems that Fishburne's nineteen-year-old daughter wants to be a star, but doesn't want to have to, you know, take classes and audition and stuff to get there. She wants stardom and she wants it now, so she's come up with the perfect solution.

Sex.Tape.

Montana Fishburne is ALLEGEDLY releasing a sex tape through Vivid Entertainment and proudly says: "I've watched how successful Kim Kardashian became and I think a lot of it was due to the release of her sex tape."

Yeah, Montana, that's the ticket.

Why don't you just whore yourself out to Mel Gibson? I hear he's looking for someone to start in a new viking movie.

Oh Duchess. Your money problems know no end.

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York, is ALLEGEDLY in debt to her personal trainer to the tune of £65,000, but that's nothing new to her. The original Fergie spends money faster than she doesn't earn it.

Seems she used to order her staff--and why does she still have staff?--to fix elaborate feasts for her and her two Princesses, and wash them down with champagne and vodka.

Champagne, Fergie? You're on a beer budget, or you should be.

But she does have a knight in shining armor; her ex-husband Prince Andrew. Andy is said to be highly embarrassed over Fergie's addiction to spending money she does not have, but he is ALLEGEDLY willing to pay off her debts.....to the butcher, the dry cleaner, the newspaper agent and the car rental facility. Sadly, though, he won't be touching her American debts....to McDonald's and Pizza Hut and JC Penneys.

A source, and by source I mean one of those guys in the furry hats who guard the castle--says: "The Duke is not touching her debts in America but his people are going to sit down and itemise every debt here and pay them off one by one. The total comes to around £1.5million."

Lucky gal, she really did marry--and divorce--a Prince.

Lindsay News!!!

She apparently thinks jail is like rehab. It's just like the Four Seasons with bars...though not the kinds of bars that one stumbles out of at 4 AM, but the kinds of bars they put on windows.

Lindsay is ALLEGEDLY quite the slammer diva and has all sorts of demands while incarcerated for being a drug addict, car thief, alcoholic, kidnapper. and probation violator.

A released inmate--who was paid in vodka and prescription drugs--says: "The other day Lindsay was freaking out because she wanted another blanket. She kept yelling out, 'Hello! I asked for a blanket like two hours ago! I'm getting sick!' It went on for hours."

And another visitor to the jail says: "My sister told me that Lindsay was complaining about not having any bottled water to drink, and saying that unpurified water makes her sick. But this isn't some fancy hotel. If inmates want water, they drink good old Los Angeles tap water. Then she was demanding someone bring her a fan. She said she was going to pass out. Of course she didn't get it — or the water."

Poor Lindsay. Jail isn't rehab. It's JAIL.

This is funny.

Cameron Diaz was recently asked, at the London premiere of her disastrously awful movie with Tom Cruise, Knight and Day, if she wanted to perform onstage in London's West End and she apparently became apoplectic.

She said she'd never do stage because she has stage fright and because, she says: "I am a film actress. I do movies. I have never done theatre before."

Plus, there is that whole thing about being able to act, and not have to rely on take after take after take to get the scene right. And that whole, they don't pay in cocaine for theater work.

Just sayin'.

Uh, Yeah, Hawaii? It's On!

Yesterday, three weeks after asshat Governor Linda Lingle vetoed a same-sex civil unions measure, six gay couples in Hawaii filed a lawsuit asking for the same rights as married couples.

The lawsuit doesn't seek the titles of "marriage" or "civil unions" for gay partners, but merely requests that the court system extend them the benefits and responsibilities of marriage based on the Hawaii Constitution's prohibition against sex discrimination.

Plaintiff Suzanne King, who has been in a relationship with her partner for 29 years, said: "We continue to be discriminated against. We're a family unit, and we live our lives just like everyone else, but we aren't treated the same."

So simple, and yet Hawaii, and Linda Lingle doesn't get it. E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y.

Still, on the other side of equality, is Garret Hashimoto, chairman for the Hawaii Christian Coalition, who is, well, just plain outraged; "I feel insulted. They keep bringing up Martin Luther King, black rights and women's sufferage. This is not about that. This is about two males or two females practicing sex. It's behavior. It's no different from smokers or drinkers."

Homosexuality is no different than smoking and drinking? Someone needs an education.

Jennifer Pizer, senior counsel for Lambda Legal, which is bringing the case along with the American Civil Liberties Union, said: "This case is not about marriage. It's about the right of same-sex couples to at least have a system that is understandable and complete. The state's equality guarantee at least has to mean same-sex couples should have the same rights and responsibilities, even if it's segmented off into a system that isn't as respected, understood and revered as marriage."

Say it with me, Hawaii, E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y.

PR8EP1: Sew What?

It's back, and, fingers crossed, better than ever.
Of course, we have Heidi and Tim....I love Tim....and Michael Kors, but really, for me, it's all about Nina. I want a Nina and Tim Show, and I want it now. Failing that, I just wanna have lunch with Nina and Tim.
But not now because we have Runway to discuss. With it's usual array of bitches and queens, smalltown boys and big city divas. Let's talk trash.
Casanova. Really? You want to call yourself Casanova? I think a rethink is in order, but, still, the language barrier will be fun, given that Casanova announces that he will "eat New Jork....[and]....take New Jork from the balls."
Even Carlos laughed at that one, but then Sarah showed up on screen with her platinum hair and Carlos said, "Who is she? The Devil Does Prada?"
Yeah, we laugh at the language barrier around here.
We meet AJ, the country mouse, from somewhere in one of the square states where he creates punk wear...in a square state. And Peach Cobbler, er, Carr, the old lady of the group, although she has the fabulous sense of humor....I keep thinking I'll meet a nine-year-old who will be my roommate. Kristen who admits she makes mistakes, but then she makes them work; we'll see how far a crooked zipper goes with Nina. Uh huh.
Jason, he of the Clockwork Orange bowler, who is the obligatory straight guy and will be reminding us that he is a straight guy. Gretchen is the easygoing gal from the Northwest who talks to Jason for about a nanosecond before moving on. Smart girl.
Mondo. Odd Mondo. Mondo of the I-Think-I'll-Change-My-Hair-Style-Every-Five-Seconds-So-I-Can-Fly-Under-The-Radar Mondo. Good luck with that. And Ivy, who wants it to be The Ivy Show which will be about bitches who think because they got on a reality show they are truly something special. Ivy? You're not. You are simply This Year's Bitch.
April, the newbie, fresh from design school and ready to do Goth Tea Party dresses. I sense one-note design....one.....flat.....note. And then, of course, we have Cute Nice Gay Guy, Chris. Even Carlos', um, er, ears, pricked up when he saw Cutie Chris. And, if we have Cute Nice Gay Guy, we must have Funny Gay Guy, Michael C, from Palm Springs, where he says he does "hot" couture. Get it? Hot? Palm Springs? Desert? Yeah, maybe he isn't so funny.
Michael D is the designer who doesn't really sew because he's a knitter. So, to that end, Project Runway producers have provided him with a rocking chair, a housecoat, and a wicker basket full of yarn. Valerie gets the invisible edit during the open, but she does get the First Cry Of The Season edit, so she has earned a place in PR history.
McKell is the cute girl with dreads from Utah. I know, but somehow it does work. Andy will be this years Asian, or Gaysian, who does the Asian-inspired design. He also features the standard Christian-Siriano-hair, though he refrains from the fabulous and the fierce......for now.
THE CHALLENGE
The designtestants are told that, while they have been flown to New Jork, er, York, and shuttled around the city and filmed and studied, they are not actually on the show just yet. Episode One will be The Final Audition, and One....or more....cue the ominous music....designers will be Auf'd before the show is even On. They are told to retrieve one piece of their own clothing from their bag, and that the piece of clothing must be Incorporated into their design.
Monkey Wrench
They must first pass the article of clothing they took from their bag to the designer to their right. Casanova weeps, because he pulled a pair of Dolce & Gabbana pants out of his bag that he bought for one-thousand-seventy.
Seriously. That whole language thing may prove troublesome.
The designtestants are then given five hours to design, create, fit, style, and parade their outfits before the judges.

Let the games begin.

Christopher used Sarah's dress and turned it into a cuter, well, dress. Not so innovative,and Chris wasn't given much airtime, but I think he's cute, and more importantly Heidi thinks he's cute.
He'll stick around, but he's gotta get bigger, bitchier, and better.

Kristin used Mondo's kilt--and he was gonna wear it on Day Two!--and made a collar out of it for her dress. Kristen bets on making mistakes, but I'm not seeing a lot of mistakes here. I did, however, see a lot of Kristen eye-rolls as other designers work came down the runway, so maybe Little Miss Crooked Zipper is also an In-Ivy's-League diva bitch.

And two bitches are always better than one.

Michael C, of the Palm Springs Hot Couture, turned Kristin's skirt into a really chic top, with a bare back. It said hot sultry nights, but it didn't say it loud enough, because the judges placed him mid-pack.

Get hotter, Mike.

Michael D, who knits, and we will be reminded of this weekly, I think, actually created a really Bohemian-Ethnocentric dress out of one of Bohemian-Ethnocentric McKell's dresses. Still, it was a POV and a slightly different one than he was given.

I will be waiting for my Brother Sewing Machine Breakdown moment with Michael.

Mondo, who tells us he's strange, because we would have never figured it out by the fact that he changed clothes and hair styles constantly throughout the episode--I swear, there were more costume changes than a Cher show--piece-mealed a pretty [read:boring] dress from Valerie's sweater. Perhaps this is why Valerie cried?

Peach Cobbler, the old lady of the group, although she is no Laura Bennett, took one of Michael D's knitwear tube-skirts....Yes. I said tube skirt.....and used pieces of it as trim on another dress she made completely from a new fabric. I hoped she'd have been called out for using so little of the fabric but she got a passing grade.

C is passing, you know. But C ain't gonna get you to the tents.

Sarah took Michael C's shirt and turned it into this hideously designed, far too short, one-piece-jumper-esque thing. Like the other designers she was allowed the use of the Mood Annex for extra fabric, but I think she was off coloring her hair and missed her chance.

This outfit missed the mark, but it landed her square in the middle with no place to go but down.

Valerie, the crier, turned Casanova's $1070 D&G pants into a dress she could sell on a street corner in the Village for a $1.70, and still be asked to lower the price. Raggedy tattered hem and quilted looking pieces scream Send Me Home, but the judges weren't listening.

This time.

AJ turned Jason's, the straight guy, sweater into this fabulous frock. It was fun and flirty and far different from the hodgepodge of blah that came before and after it on the runway. AJ is a little too giddy schoolgirl right now, as evidenced by his hurling himself onto the couch when he was told he was safe, but I like his style.

Girl just needs to tone down the histrionics. I mean, it's not like you've been voted head cheerleader.

Andy's look--from Gretchen's skirt--was F-A-B-ulous. From the cape to the shirt to the pants to the boots to the hat to the fact that his model wooooooooooorked it. I thought his was, by far, the best design of the night. Unfortunately, for Andy, I don't get to cast the Smallville vote.

Still, watch out for this diva. She's amazing.

Gretchen won the first challenge, by a rare PR unanimous vote. She turned some mother-effin' looking disco blouse into a very chic dress, and scored points for her spot-on styling.

On the down side, Gretchen seems nice, and that doesn't always bode well on the PR. She'll need to toughen up. I suggest a punch at Ivy.

I mean, cuz, that's what I'd do.

AND NOW FOR THE BOTTOM SIX.......YES.......SIX!!!

Jason, the straight guy, lest you forget, was given Andy's kimono to rip apart and rebuild and restructure and redesign. So, what did he do? Put it on the model backwards and cinched the waist with pins and staples. he blamed it on time constraints, but take a gander back at what Andy and AJ made in the same time period.

I know! And on a personal note: I was doing the kimono backwards years ago when I took one of my mother's robes and cinched it at the waist and pretended to be Diana Ross in concert. Just sayin'.

Nina--GOD I LOVE NINA--said, Did you think you could just put it on backwards and we wouldn't notice?

We did.

But, for some reason, the judges believe Jason has something, like, oh, I don't know, heterosexuality? We'll see. But I just hope someone always has a staple gun handy because I think Jason's gonna need it.

Nicholas used Chris's polyester......gasp!.....jacket and topped off his evening gown with the trim from the jacket, saying he wanted to combine sportswear with evening wear. Heidi dubbed it boring, and Nina, a bit nicer, liked it but thought it too quiet.

Nicholas was a quivering mass of homo jelly on that stage. Shaking and trembling and sweating. Even though Valerie got the First Cry Edit, Nicholas will be our Go-To-Boy for waterworks.

April deconstructed Nicholas' blazer, and by that I mean, she cut off the sleeves and turned it inside out. She and Jason apparently graduated form the same design school, although she did pass the sewing test while he got stuck in Pins and Staples.

Kors and Heidi like deconstructed, but wonder if deconstructed is just another word for unfinished.

Casanova. Dear Jesus. What to say? He took Ivy The Bitch's blouse and turned it into a skirt...and then slapped on two strap for a top, but left the back of the dress in the sewing room. Kors called it "mother of the bride belly dancer" and "pole dancer in Dubai."

Nina, more simply, called it "facsinatingly awful."

Heidi asked Casanova why he should stay and he went all Ricky Ricardo on her. Luckily, Nina was there to translate for him, and he said he should stay, but think "more out of the box, but conservatively."

I think PR producers should think more in the box, and put Casanova in one and send him back to that other PR....Puerto Rico....until he learns a little something about design.

And where to shop for pants that don't cost a thousand bucks.

Ivy The Bitch, who, we're told, by her, is a fast sewer and the Energizer Bunny, and should have her own show, took Peach Cobbler's pants and made them into, er, pants?

To be fair, she made them into capri pants, but isn't that the same thing as taking a shirt and turning it into a shortsleeved shirt? And then, mother of god, of all the nerve, she has the balls of steel to, not only interrupt Nina, but to disagree with Nina.

But my Nina wouldn't be swayed. She set her sites on Ivy and said, "Never mind that you turned the pant into a cahpri, the blouse is mumsy and the styling is a disaster."

Note to Ivy: there's one bitch on PR and her name is Nina Garcia.

And she is my god now. So suck it Jesus!

Which brings us to McKell, who took AJ's shirt and cut off the sleeves and the sides and the back, and added some fabric and made a flouncy.....too flouncy......pretty dress. Heidi called it, and pardon my German, butt ugly. Kors liked the play of fabric, but the side cleavage scared him. I think he was picturing himself in that dress and thought his side cleavage might look like a couple of loaves of bread under his arms.

Nina hated the styling. From the hair to the flowery pink bag, it was just awful

So, who went home?

The pole dancer?

The pants into pants designer?

The guy from Staples?

No, it was McKell. And, I'll admit, I was shocked. The styling was bad, but the dress, well, except for that whole cleavage thing, was well-made, and nice. But I guess nice doesn't work, and Staples and capri pants and deconstruction and Whore of Babylon do.

We'll see..................

I Didn't Say It....

Liev Schreiber, on being called "the best actor of his generation, by The New York Times:

"Well, how can you argue with The New York Times? Look, I have a different perspective, but I'm glad they have theirs. Really glad. But if you're going to accept that, you also have to be prepared to accept when someone calls you 'the somnambulistic Mr. Schreiber with a head the size of a watermelon,' which someone actually wrote once. I had to look up somnambulistic. It means someone who puts you to sleep. So if you're going to be okay with being the best stage actor of your generation, you also have to be okay with being the boring guy with the watermelon head."

Hot.

Talented.

Self-deprecating.

Love.Him.

Anne Rice, auther of Interview With The Vampire, among others, on quitting Christianity because she supports the LGBT community:

"For those who care, and I understand if you don't: Today I quit being a Christian. I'm out. I remain committed to Christ as always but not to being 'Christian' or to being part of Christianity. It's simply impossible for me to 'belong' to this quarrelsome, hostile, disputatious, and deservedly infamous group. For ten ...years, I've tried. I've failed. I'm an outsider. My conscience will allow nothing else.

In the name of Christ, I refuse to be anti-gay. I refuse to be anti-feminist. I refuse to be anti-artificial birth control. I refuse to be anti-Democrat. I refuse to be anti-secular humanism. I refuse to be anti-science. I refuse to be anti-life. In the name of ...Christ, I quit Christianity and being Christian. Amen."

It is quite funny how many people, mostly so-called Christians, who equate being Christian with being Christ-like, when they are not at all alike.

Elton John, speaking from the stage at a concert in Tucson, on a boycott of Arizona:

"We are all very pleased to be playing in Arizona. I have read that some of the artists won't come here. They are fuckwits! Let's face it: I still play in California, and as a gay man I have no legal rights whatsoever. So what's the fuck up with these people?"

Um, Elton, you do-anything-for-a-paycheck musical whore?

What the fuck is wrong with people is that they want to stand up against discrimination and racial profiling. Not everyone is out to make the most money, and will do so by selling their soul to the highest bidder.

That, Sir, would be you, and that makes you the "fuckwit".

Cyndi Lauper, on the Bush/Cheney regime:
"The past - this year's getting a little better, but the past eight years, it was so dark. [I]t was like a fire sale, just before Obama came in ... And then this guy goes in and it's ‘his fault.' But it's not his fault - it's the other two. The criminals that never got charged. I can't say enough how upsetting that was. I can't. And the way he would go on television - that George Bush, and speak hate. I mean, just unabashed hatred."

Cyndi, you are more than just an icon for the LGBT community, you are an icon for everyone.

Let's stop blaming the new guy and remember who left this mess for Obama to clean up.

Amy Fisher, on her decision to become a porn star:

“Our society loves sex. It feels so good and we should enjoy it. Sex is beautiful, powerful, and simply put, no one has the right to tell me what I can or can not do with my own private parts. This time, I get to make the choices on what kind of movies I want to make, and I am excited to work with Dreamzone to make my dreams a reality.”

Of course, it doesn't have anything to do with her insatiable need to be in the spotlight.

Just think kiddies, shoot the woman who's married to your lover in the head and go to prison and then get out and write a book and become a porn star.

Fame is fun.

Tom Hardy, Inception co-star, admitting he has dabbled in sexual relations with guys:
"Of course I have. I'm an actor for f*ck's sake. I've played with everything and everyone. I love the form and the physicality, but now that I'm in my thirties, it doesn't do it for me. I'm done experimenting but there's plenty of stuff in a relationship with another man, especially gay men, that I need in my life. A lot of gay men get my thing for shoes. I have definite feminine qualities and a lot of gay men are incredibly masculine. A lot of people say I seem masculine, but I don't feel it. I feel intrinsically feminine. I'd love to be one of the boys but I always felt a bit on the outside. Maybe my masculine qualities come from overcompensating because I'm not one of the boys."

Open.

Honest.

Hot.

Me like.

President Obama, on why he didn't get an invitation to Chelsea Clinton's upcoming wedding:

"I was not invited to the wedding because I think Hillary and Bill, properly, want to keep this thing for Chelsea and her soon-to-be husband. You don't want two presidents at one wedding! All the secret service, guests going through [metal detectors], all the gifts being torn apart."

That's the same reason I wasn't invited.

As President [okay.....and sole member] of the Smallville Gay Men's Garden Club, perhaps the Clinton's didn't want to bother with the extra security.

Mostly, though, I think it's because, like Dominique Devereaux Carrington once said on Dynasty, "I don't share a room with my clothes."

Joan Rivers, on happiness:

“Look, nobody is 100% happy. I’m 93% happy which means that I am very lucky. I think anyone who gets to even 60% should be glad. You know what a good day is for me? I get a call from Melissa and she’s doing fine. I get a call from my grandson and he’s happy. I get a call from my accountant and he tells me I’m OK. That’s a good day.”

I'd say 93-percent is good.

A lotta folks stuck below the 60% mark.